As I was driving to work on Monday morning, I was in the best mood ever; this weekend, Sheldon and I had been able to communicate with each other with ease and honesty about how we both felt about the relationship and its progress, and it had definitely brought us closer. People sometimes seem to think that Sheldon is a heartless robot unable to feel, but I know better than that: I know the real Sheldon, the one that is sensitive, considerate and caring. The one I love and that loves me back.
After waking up facing each other and having breakfast together, we both left for work reluctantly, unwilling to part. But the elation of the weekend started to fade gradually as I was getting closer to UCLA; I could not postpone anymore the moment I would have to talk to Brian. Last week, the atmosphere had been quite tense between us after what happened and I knew we could not keep working together efficiently in these conditions. Moreover, I did not know what impact meeting Sheldon on Friday night had had on him. Brian was someone whose qualities I admired and whose professionalism I respected. We were getting along quite well professionally and I truly hoped we could remain friends. Though, it was the first time ever that I was confronted to such an odd situation and I was unsure how to deal with it.
The traffic was less dense than usual, so I arrived at work early. I decided to go directly to the conference room where we were having our weekly progress meeting every Monday morning. I was already half way inside the room when I realized that I was not the only one who had decided to get there early; Brian was sitting at a table, typing on his laptop. I stopped for a second, pulled myself together and walked towards him; this was after all a good opportunity to try to clear up the awkwardness between us. I put my bag on the table next to him and took a deep breath before saying in the most cheerful voice possible "Good morning Brian. How are you?"
He raised his head up and looked at me obviously surprised to see me there "Oh good morning Amy, I am fine thank you. How are you?"
"I am fine thanks." I sat down next to him hesitantly.
As I did so, he got up and said "It looks like we both are a little early for the meeting. I have to go and get something in my office; I will be back before it starts."
I knew from his shifty eyes that he was lying and that he was only trying to get away from me. As a reflex, I placed my hand on his arm and said "Please Brian, don't leave. I really think we should talk."
He glanced at my hand and frowned slightly. As I let go of his arm, he lifted his head to look at me in the eyes; I could tell that he was unsure what to do next. The two of us stayed like that for a moment until I insisted "Please Brian, sit down."
He sat back slowly and after clearing his voice began speaking "I am afraid there is not much to say Amy. I have made a fool of myself and I already apologized to you for my behavior."
"You did not make a fool of yourself. And I too am sorry if my behavior misled you."
He added "I am glad that I met your boyfriend on Friday actually; seeing the two of you together was an eye opener; by the way you looked at him, there is no doubt in my mind that you do love him."
"Yes I love Sheldon. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. And even if it hurt when I saw you together, at least things are clear now. I hope he knows what a lucky fellow he is." He said that last part almost in a whisper.
I wanted to add that I was also lucky to have Sheldon in my life, but I was not sure it would have been very wise in front of him "Brian, I would like to be sure that you are not mad at me and that we can still be in the same room without us both feeling awkward."
"Oh no I am not mad at you Amy. You had told me you had a boyfriend, I am the one who misunderstood the whole situation."
"There is definitely one thing that you did not misunderstand: I appreciated the moments that we shared together, both as friends and colleagues. What pains me really is that I have the feeling things have changed between us. Can't we somehow find a way to still be friends?"
He stared back at me "I would really like to be friends with you again eventually. Though I think I will need time to feel as comfortable around you as before. But I'll tell you something: for now, I promise not to avoid you like I have done last week; it was ridiculous and very unprofessional of me."
"So are we good?" I asked, looking at him anxiously.
"Yes we are good." He replied, smiling shyly.
All of a sudden, a voice coming broke the silence "Good morning you two" It was Kate who just got inside the room. "I hope you had a great weekend and managed to rest, because we have another very busy week ahead."
Kate was right, it was going to be a busy week; we had planned on meeting all of our candidates from California in the next two weeks. Just this week, we had to meet with thirty of them, including Raj on Tuesday. And Barry Kripke, Sheldon's colleague, was scheduled for the following week.
As expected, on Tuesday afternoon, Raj's interview went quite well; I was pretty sure he would be part of the study, his profile being exactly what we were looking for, and considering his history of selective mutism, there were obvious emotional issues that we could explore. We left UCLA together that afternoon and went to Sheldon's to pick him up for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon looked surprised to find the two of us talking, joking and smiling right there in front of him as he opened the door. He greeted Raj and almost immediately leant towards me to kiss me on the cheek then he took my hand to lead me inside. He was very excited to show me his Comic Con costumes that he had just finished ironing. Then he and Raj had a look at the makeup that he should take with him while I sat on the couch to watch tv. Once they were done, the three of us left for the Cheesecake Factory.
When we arrived, Bernadette and Howard were already there, waiting for us while browsing the official brochure of the convention. Howard sounded very excited to be able to go to Comic Con with his wife and he was telling her all the things they should go and see when there. Raj and Sheldon stepped in and gave their opinion on what Bernadette should not miss. The three guys sounded very enthusiastic about it all and Bernadette tried to fit in. I didn't understand half of what they were saying but I found their passion quite fascinating.
"Are you going to wear a costume as well Bernadette?" Penny asked her as she was bringing our dinner.
"Actually, I am. Howie convinced me; on Thursday, I will go there dressed as Princess Leia. You know, with the cinnamon buns hairstyle."
"Are you going to wear the metal bikini from The Return of the Jedi when she is Jabba the Hut's slave?" Raj asked smiling playfully. Howard was looking daggers at him.
"No, of course not, I will wear the white uniform she wears in Episode 4." Bernadette replied.
"And I will be her father Darth Vader on the first day." Howard said grinning "And then probably Chewbacca later in the weekend."
"And what about you Sheldon? Raj?" Penny asked, now pouring water in all of our glasses.
"I will be Mr Spock from Star Trek the original series, and also Mr Data from the new generation." Sheldon said.
"And I will be Captain America." Raj replied
"That is very ironic, my Indian friend" Howard added, faking an indian accent. Everyone laughed but Raj.
"Yeah, whatever… And I will also bring Leonard's Captain Jean-Luc Picard's costume, he said I could use it" Raj replied "And you girls, are you going to dress up?"
"No. Amy and I are just going for a couple of days, and we don't even have passes for the convention, we would look quite ridiculous being dressed up in the streets of San Diego."
"No you wouldn't. Many people are dressed up during these four days, in or out of the Convention Center." Sheldon stated.
"Well, no, thanks. I think we will be okay, won't we Amy?"
"Yes, I would not know how to dress up anyway." I replied.
Sheldon looked at me straight in the eyes and said "You could wear the Star Trek doctor uniform you wore once…" At that exact moment, he grabbed my hand discretely under the table and squeezed it softly.
I was not sure how to react. Was he just teasing me? I simply replied "No, I don't think so Sheldon. And like Penny said, we are not even going to the Convention, we don't have tickets. It would be pointless dressing up."
Sheldon kept on staring at me for a brief moment, biting his lower lip, then put his eyes on his plate while letting go of my hand and placing his back on the table.
After dinner, I followed Sheldon at his place to sign the new Relationship Agreement. We had both reviewed it and agreed on the update. But first we drank our now traditional Tuesday evening chamomile tea while sitting on the couch and talking about work. Sheldon informed me that Jane would be visiting him for a couple of days next week in order to show him the first results of her researches on dark matter in the gold mine in South Dakota. Then we talked about Raj and the possibility that he may be part of my panel. I also told him about Kripke being one of my potential candidates. Then we talked again about Comic Con as I helped him pack his bags.
"So do you go to Comic Con every year?"
"Yes, ever since I moved to California. Except once four years ago when I was in the North Pole."
"I noticed how Howard, Raj and you are excited when you talk about it. I don't understand: why do you like it so much?" I asked, truly intrigued.
"I don't know…. It is a place where I can find almost everything I like. For four days, I can go from room to room to discover comic books that have not yet been released and meet their authors; or watch series pilots that will not be shown on tv before September. There are also panels with my favorite actors and directors. There are collectables that can only be bought there. Also, I like dressing up, and playing role games, or new video games. And first and foremost I like the atmosphere. Even though it is crowded and obviously full of germs."
He looked very passionate about it. Surprisingly, he made me curious about the whole event "How big is it?"
"The Convention Center is a very big building, with 17 rooms, with capacities between several hundreds to 6500 people per room, plus a few halls in some hotels downtown. In total, there are over 150 000 people attending it every year. Passes sell out in less than two hours online."
"Really? Wow." I was impressed. I knew it was big, but I did not expect it to be that big.
Sheldon paused a minute and resumed talking "Amy, earlier tonight you said that you didn't have a pass. But you do. So if you really wanted to, you could get inside."
"No I don't have a pass Sheldon. And Penny says it is impossible to find any." I frowned.
"You do." He said slowly "When I bought my four day pass a few months ago, I bought one for you as well. I thought maybe you would accept to come with me."
"Oh I see." I was puzzled. I had no idea about it and did not know what to say.
He went on shyly "So if you decide that in the end you want to come, you can because you have a pass."
"I don't know Sheldon, you know I am not into all that, and anyways Penny does not have a pass. I promised her I would spend these two days with her."
"Sure, I understand." He looked a bit disappointed.
"But I will be in San Diego anyway, and in the same hotel, we will see each other." I tried to cheer him up.
"Well, anyways, in case you change your mind, I will bring all the details with me." He got up and grabbed two copies of the Relationship Agreement for me to sign. I took my copy with me and went back home.
The rest of the working week went uneventful. Except that Brian and I were now able to be in the same room again without feeling uncomfortable. We could even talk to each other, and smile from time to time. I felt better about the whole situation and I was sure things would go back to normal someday.
After Sheldon, Raj, Howard and Bernadette left for San Diego, Penny and I were the only two of the gang still in Pasadena; but because both of us were busy _ Penny with her acting classes, auditions and shifts at the Cheesecake Factory and I at work_ we did not see each other before I went to pick her up on Friday late afternoon. We both had received several messages, pictures and phone calls from Bernadette who seemed to enjoy herself, but was glad that the two of us were coming at the end of the week. She said that Comic Con was really something different, that it was like an incursion in a parallel universe. I had also received a text message from Sheldon on Wednesday telling me they had arrived and that he was thrilled to attend screenings in the evening; and then a couple of messages a day asking about my work and telling me roughly about his day: the panels he attended, the Comic Book writers he had met…
During the drive to San Diego, Penny confessed that it felt weird going to her first Comic Con without Leonard _ even if technically neither of us would actually attend the convention. She had talked to him on the phone the day before and he promised that next year they would go together. I told her that Sheldon had bought a pass for me this year and that he had asked me several times to go with him. Penny said that if I wanted to go, I could; I did not have to feel that I had to stay with her all the time. But I said I would rather spend my time shopping with her. And Sheldon probably asked me to go with him out of politeness and because of what social conventions dictate. Penny knew a couple of outlets in San Diego and was really eager to go there on Saturday. On Sunday, she wanted us to go to the beach in La Jolla in the North of San Diego. I was not so sure about it, as I am never very comfortable in bathing suits, but I really needed to relax and La Jolla is a very beautiful place.
The drive lasted a little less than two hours and when we arrived at the hotel, we were greeted by Howard and Bernadette. I had received a text message from Sheldon explaining that Raj and him could not meet us tonight as they attended a late panel and had to start queuing tonight for another one tomorrow. He apologized but said we would see each other tomorrow evening for dinner. I was a bit disappointed not to see him, but the four of us had a great time. The atmosphere in the main streets of downtown San Diego was unbelievable with all these people dressed up as marvel or scifi characters. After dinner, we went out to a bar where we danced a little. But we got back to the hotel quite early as Bernadette and Howard had an early start the following day.
We did not even have breakfast with them the next morning as they left before we even got up. After breakfast, I convinced Penny to come with me for a walk around Point Loma where I used to go with my father as a child. Then we headed to Las Americas outlet where we almost spent the whole day. We headed back to the hotel with a few shopping bags in the late afternoon and went for a walk in the shops around the Gaslamp quarter. I had only received one message from Sheldon during the day saying he hoped I was having fun shopping and that we'd see each other tonight. I could not help but feel a little disappointed that we had not managed yet to see each other. I missed him.
Bernadette had booked a table at the hotel's restaurant for 7pm that evening. After a quick shower, we met with her and Howard in the lobby before making our way together to the restaurant. We waited for Sheldon and Raj before ordering but they were very late. I sent several messages to Sheldon but got no answer. We decided to start ordering without them, as Howard explained they were probably stuck inside a hall for some panel. He said it happened sometimes in Comic Con as there were so many people everywhere. Bernadette asked us if she could spend the day with us the following day. As much as she had enjoyed spending time with Howard, she wanted him to be able to go everywhere he wanted without having to explain to her everything that was going on. Of course we agreed. For the whole beginning of the dinner, I was a little distracted; I was beginning to worry about Sheldon. Then the two of them finally showed up around 9pm as we had already ordered our desserts. They apologized for being late. They said they had attended the Thor and Captain America panels which had both started a little late and had had trouble going out of the Convention Center; then they went to their rooms to have a shower and change. As he sat down next to me, Sheldon leant towards me and whispered "Amy, I'm sorry, really."
I turned to him and said "I sent you text messages Sheldon. I was beginning to worry." My tone of voice betrayed my anger.
"I'm sorry, my battery died. As soon as the panel was over, we rushed to get back here as soon as possible. I did not even take the time to plug my phone to charge it. And Raj did not have his with him so we could not warn you we would be late." He then placed his hand on my hand under the table but I pushed him away gently. The tension was palpable between us. But I am not sure anyone else other than Penny noticed it really. Howard and Raj were too busy explaining all the things they had done and from time to time Bernadette intervened. But neither Sheldon nor I spoke much until the end of the dinner. Then we all walked back to the lobby; everyone was exhausted and we all knew the following day would be as busy. Once there, I said goodnight to everyone, avoiding Sheldon's eyes and walked towards the lift, followed by Penny.
When we arrived in the bedroom, Penny finally asked "Amy, what is the problem? You were very quiet during dinner."
"I am fine, thanks." I replied coldly.
"Come on, something is wrong. Did you and Sheldon have a fight?" She said as she was walking towards her bed.
"To have a fight, we would need to at least spend some time together." I sat down on my own bed.
"Okay, so that's it. You are angry because he was late tonight. But you should be aware that it is Comic Con, they have been talking about it for months. It is special for them all. They stayed a little longer than expected at a panel, so what?"
"I know. But I am sad because we have not spent time together since we arrived. After all, I came for him, and he is too busy with his convention to spend time with me."
"Amy, you are a bit unfair I think. Did you really expect him to adapt his schedule for you during these four days? I know your boyfriend has changed a lot lately, but still, he is a nerd in nerdland."
"I guess you are right. It is just…. he has been so thoughtful lately, and last weekend was wonderful. But maybe I am asking for too much."
"Amy, don't forget it is Sheldon, and he has already changed so many things lately, for you."
"I know." And I knew she was right. But I could not help still feeling mad at Sheldon. Or was it at myself for feeling like that?
Penny spoke again "Ok Sweetie, do you mind if I use the bathroom first? I will have a quick shower."
"Sure, go ahead."
At the exact moment that Penny stepped in the bathroom, I heard someone knocking on the door. Three times three knocks and my name. There was no doubt about the identity of the visitor. I took a deep breath and opened to Sheldon.
"Sheldon ,what do you want?" I said curtly.
"Amy, can I come in? I would like to talk."
"I am tired Sheldon, I want to go to sleep. And I am pretty sure you also have to get up early for one of your conferences." I invited him in then closed the door. I sat on my bed.
He stood in front of me. "I have, but first I need to know: are you mad at me? I told you I was sorry, and I really am."
"I guess I am just disappointed because I came here to be with you and we have barely seen each other since I arrived."
"You came here to be with me?" he frowned "No, I think what you mean is that you came here to spend some time in San Diego with Penny. If you wanted to spend time with me, you would have accepted my invitations. You accepted Penny's." He was staring at me while saying so.
"Maybe, but I thought that at least we could have seen each other in the mornings and evenings but you have been too busy." I said, more and more doubting myself and the reasons of my anger.
"Amy, this is Comic Con, it is four days in the year during which I have access to all the things I like most besides Science. It starts early in the morning and finishes late at night. I explained to you why it was a special event for me the other day. What would you want me to do? I am lost." He was pacing through the room now. "Should I stop doing things I love from the moment you make yourself available for me? Is that what you want?" He sounded slightly irritated now.
"No of course not." I said, feeling a bit ashamed now.
"Then what? Because really, I tried my best to make things right. First, I asked you several times if you would like to come here with me and you refused. Then when Penny asked you, you accepted immediately. I proposed you to share a room with me and you refused. And now you are mad at me because when you came back from your shopping, I was not available?" He sat down on the chair that was in the other corner of the room. He went on in a much lower voice "Amy, I wanted so much for you to come to Comic Con with me, I wanted to show you all the things that I like. I know you don't like comic books or Science Fiction, but I wanted to be given a chance to show you why it is important for me. Like Howard did with Bernadette. You did not let me Amy. I accepted your choice, and did not complain, because a couple of weeks ago you said that I should let you do things with your friends and that we cannot be together all the time. But now I think the situation is preposterous." He paused "You probably did not even realize it, but tonight I came to dinner just to be with you. Right now, I should be queuing for the Dr Who 50th anniversary Panel tomorrow in Hall H, but I chose to come and have dinner here to be with you. For what? You did not even talk to me. Yes I was late, and I apologized but you did not even say a word to me of the whole evening." I kept silent, trying to process everything he just said. He was right, I had been unfair to him. "I don't know what you expect from me Amy. Maybe I am definitely not boyfriend material, because it seems whatever I do is wrong." He stood up and as he was about to leave the room, he turned towards me and added "And you know what is funny? For these past three days, I kept thinking how fun it would have been to share all that with you." And he left.
I was left speechless. I was in shock and hardly realized what had just happened: had I really been that unfair to Sheldon, asking too much from him who had already made so much effort? How could I not have seen that he really wanted to share this event with me? How could I have been so selfish? I could feel tears coming to my eyes and then rolling down my cheeks.
At that moment, Penny got out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She came closer and sat next to me.
"I heard everything. I am sorry but I think he is right Sweetie. You have been asking a lot from him and maybe you did not pay enough attention to him and what he wanted."
"I know, he is so right, I can see it clearly now. But what can I do now? I think he is going to break up with me…" I was sobbing.
"Go talk to him, apologize, and propose to spend the day with him tomorrow. That's all he wants, he told you."
"How can I have been so blind Penny? I did not pay attention to him and to his feelings."
"Well, it is Sheldon, it is never easy to know what he really wants or feels."
"I should have listened to him, there were signs, I should have understood. I simply stayed focused on what I wanted from him and never thought of what he might be expecting from me."
"Amy, he is your first boyfriend, all this is new to you too. Don't be too severe with yourself. But don't let it get worse, go and see him now."
"You are right, I have to talk to him, I have to apologize." I said, getting up. I grabbed some tissues, wiped my eyes and left the room, determined to talk to him before it was too late.
A/N I am sorry, I have just realized that in the previous chapters, there have been some problems during the edition of the text by the website, so some words have been deleted by mistake. I am tracing it, and will check and reupload all the previous chapters one by one if necessary. I am very sorry about it, I only checked my Word copy of the document, I did not know such edition errors could happen. I will double/triple/quadruple check if necessary in the future. And please, if you notice something, do not hesitate to tell me. Sorry if it made the reading unpleasant and thanks for understanding. A