The 28th Adventure Of Larry The Imaginary Plastic Bag: Hunt For Eljay The Hydra

In our last adventure, Jareth and I escaped the Hydra. Beetlejuice and the Joker wanted to go back to their own universes. There was much crying and a little innuendo from our Ghost With The Most. Damsel-in-stress, Jareth, Larry TIPB and I, after a big debate decided to have a few more adventures with Captain Jack Sparrow, his crew, and Norrington. In this adventure we will hunt down Eljay the Hydra, who threatened Deliciously Gorgeous and my lives.

"We are the pirates who don't do anything.

We just home and lie around.

And if you ask us to do anything,

We'll just tell you,

We don't do anything." I sing.

"Well I've never been to Greenland

And I've never been to Denver,

And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul,

And I've never been to Tampa," damsel sings.

"And we've never been to Boston in the fall." We finish together doing jazz hands. We sang horribly so you can imagine the gratitude and relief of the crew.

"That was…" Deliciously Gorgeous couldn't come up with complement. I laugh, damsel joins in. Captain Jack took that moment to take off the ridiculous headphones he was wearing to drown out our singing. They were hot pink and had bunny rabbits and duckies wearing ballerina slippers and tutus. Jareth laughs along with us after witnessing the now famous pair of headphones.

"Oooo… I want those!" Larry TIPB shrieks.

"No! They be mine!" Captain Jack holds the headphones protectively to his chest as if they were a wee little baby.

"I'm glad you're not that girly," I say to Jareth, "even though you wear lip balm, eye shadow and glitter." Deliciously Gorgeous scowls at me.

"We best be off." Captain Jack blushes.

"If DethRose and I work together, we could probably transport the whole ship to the cavern." Deliciously Gorgeous speaks out.

"It might work." I say after pausing a moment to think it through. We hold hands and concentrate on what the cavern looked like. Any little landmark that would help distinguish the cavern from any other one. You might be thinking that the most distinguishing feature would be a giant Hydra, but that would be too easy. We think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think. Finally! We both remember that there was a rainbow waterfall with little miniature shroom people prancing around. I forgot to mention that in the last two adventures. Sorry, my bad. Deliciously Gorgeous and I open our eyes.

"Are there any other caverns with rainbow waterfalls and little miniature shroom people prancing around?" Deliciously Gorgeous asks the Captain.

"Thar be only one."

"Ready?" Deliciously Gorgeous asks me. I nod. "Nobody move." He addresses everyone. We close our eyes and concentrate on moving the ship.

There is a sponge and a starfish in the water. The sponge is watching a particular ship. That particular ship disappears right before his eyes.

"Patrick! Did you see that?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…no. What was it? I was too busy removing my bellybutton lint." The starfish says.

"It was great! There was a ship and then it disappeared!" The sponge raises his voice in excitement.

"Spongebob, I think you're lying." The starfish shakes his head.

We were in the Rainbow Waterfall Cavern. We made it! We sing a song just like in Dora the Explorer.

"Oh fudge monkeys. I don't think we should have done that." Larry TIPB whispers.

RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!" In a running bound, Eljay reaches us. Damsel clings to Norrington. Jareth and I hug each other. Captain Jack and his crew stand their ground. After all, they did fight the mighty Kraken. Larry TIPB takes a step forward. "I see you brought more food." Eljay mocks in a menacing tone.

"So you are Eljay." Larry TIPB says.

"Yesssssss." Eljay hisses. Larry The Imaginary Plastic Bag takes this time to transform to Larry The Imaginary Trash Bag. Ha. Alliteration. I love it.

Larry TITB kind of floats up to one of Eljay's heads. "If you don't leave my friends alone, you will pay."

"What would you do if I don't? Flap me to death? Hahahaha!" Eljay booms with laughter.

"You better watch it, he killed a clown and a flying t-rex skull." Damsel says still clinging to Norrington.

"Why do I care you tasty little morsel."

"The same will happen to you." Larry TITB says. One of Eljay's heads lunges towards Norrington and damsel. Just as the head gets within a few inches of them, a shot rings out and the head slumps over. Eljay snarls in pained rage and turns towards the gunshot. Captain Jack is holding a smoking pistol.

"He told you to leave us alone mate." Captain Jack whispers clearly. Could it be possibly true that Captain Jack is sober for once?

"You will die because of that!" Eljay hisses dangerously. Three new heads sprout from his neck. Now he has 11 heads. He sprints straight toward Captain Jack and his crew. Larry TITB races him and wraps around 7 heads. Those heads suffocate. Twenty-one heads pop up. There are now 25. This is getting out of hand now. Deliciously Gorgeous and I try to stop Eljay from producing more heads.

"It's not working." Norrington observes.

"It looks like you guys need a hero." A voice rings.

"No shtick Sherlock." Damsel rolls her eyes.

"Who are you?" Captain Jack looks over his shoulder after shooting another head.

"I am Hercules."

"Oh fudge." Eljay curses and snaps at Larry TITB.

"I will need some help." Hercules yelled over Eljays snarl.

"I'll help." Larry TITB replied.

"Alright. I need you to come here." Hercules told Larry TITB. He whispers into his, uh, ear? Larry TITB ascended into the air and flew around Eljay in a circle. "I need fire."

"We can do that." I say. "Jareth?"

"Yes?"

"Call the Fireys."

"Hey you guys!" he booms. Balls of fire rained down and exploded when they hit the ground. Five craters were made. Out of those craters climb the Fireys.

"Yes boss?"

"Chilly down." Jareth rolls his eyes at the stupidness of the command.

"Ahahahahahaha!" the Fireys cackle. Fireballs spontaneously from the palms of their hands.

"You." Hercules points to Norrington. "I need your weapon." Norrington hands over his beloved sword, noticing that the hero already had his own. "When I say now, throw the fireballs at me." He says to the waiting Fireys.

"I'm getting tired!" Larry TITB yells out of breath.

"Just keep going for a few more minutes." Hercules responds then turns to the Fireys. "Now!" The Fireys throw their fireballs at the hero now on fire. He leaps into the air. A bright beam of light bursts out of nowhere. It is Pegasus! Hercules lands on his back as he flew close to Eljay the now infuriated Hydra. Hercules decapitates each head using Norringtons flaming sword. We wait for more heads to regenerate. None do. After a few more decapitations followed by a death scream, it is done. We are bathed in blood.

"Thank Spock!" Larry TITB crashes down and transforms back into Larry TIPB and falls unconscious.

"Now we have to worry about his sister." Captain Jack reminds us. WE take our positions. Hercules hands Norrington his sword. It's as beautiful as it has ever been. Damsel is thrown a sword by Hercules. Deliciously Gorgeous and I look intently on where we think Eljays sister will pop up from. Pegasus snorts. We wait. No one makes a sound so we could hear Rainbow Falls and the miniature shroom people sing.

"We represent the toadstool guild, the toadstool guild, the toadstool guild. And in the name of the toadstool guilllllld we-" one of the Fireys throw their head at them. The miniature shroom people are no more. The Fireys cackle. Soon we hear a humming sound. A bubble appears and grows bigger until it popped. A woman emerged.

"Could you quit with the Wizard Of Oz references! Start over!" grumbles an irate reader.

"Fine!" I snap.

We hear a humming sound. Then it turns into an ear-shattering shriek. We put our hands over our ears and wince as the noise gets louder until it's driving us crazy. Then abruptly it stops. A figure rises from the ground and turns out to be a woman. She is dressed in a white polyester leisure suit with gold fringes. She looks like a female Elvis Presley. She speaks.

"Hey ya'll. Thank you, thank you very much for destroyin' my brother. Ya'll choose a treasure from this here pile of loot." She does a little dance to the pile of treasure. Captain Jack and his crew dive in and shout in pirate joy.

"Pirates." Norrington mutters.