I know I've been awful about updating this, but I hope you guys are still interested in the story.
"You look nervous." Rachel said pushing my hair back and out of my face. We'd been sitting on her porch for about thirty minutes, my duffle bag was at my feet, and I glanced over at my house every five seconds just to see the my dad's car still there. If he was home that meant that Nico was probably there too. I didn't want to face either of them right now. "I'll go with you." I looked at Rachel and shook my head no.
"Absolutely not." I told her.
"Well then what? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I don't want you going over there and getting into a fight." It was night that Rachel was worried for me, I loved that she cared so much about me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her forehead. "Don't try and be sweet with me Santana." I pulled my lips back from her forehead and smiled.
"You know if I go over there then I won't be able to control myself." I explained to her. "I should face him though…them I mean."
"Call me after you talk to them." Rachel demanded. "If you need something else call my fathers. You can trust all of us."
"I know that." I told her. "Trust me I know." I kissed Rachel on the lips and picked up my duffle bag. I tried not to look back as I walked over the strip of grass that divided our properties, but I did. She waved and I smiled back at her.
I could do this.
I walked up to my front door. I raised my hand to ring the doorbell, and then I raised my hand to knock, I did neither. My hand dropped to my side and I opened the screen door and tried to turn the knob on the front door. It was locked. My keys were in my room so I had no other choice than to knock.
I waited; I could hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Two sets, I could tell by the slight limp that my father was coming to the door. I heard him say hold on to someone, that person could only be my brother. There was a pause, the kind of pause that meant he was looking through the keyhole. I stared right back at him and he swung the door open.
I didn't try to look into the living room, I figured the longer I put off seeing my brother, the better things would turn out.
"Santana! You get in here right now!" My father grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me inside. I yanked my arm back and pushed past him. "You disobeyed me young lady and I do not take that lightly." I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and scanned the living room; my brother was nowhere in sight. He was probably in the kitchen; he probably didn't want to face me.
"You know why I left dad, and now I'm back. I'm not hurt and I had fun, so it's fine." I took one step back and looked him in the eyes. "I'm taking my stuff up to my room." I told him. I looked towards the kitchen and decided that I should just confront my bastard brother now.
I'd only taken five steps before my father stopped me. "Come on Nico, stop being a coward and face me you fucker."
Flashback:
"You just let them call you names like that? Santana it isn't right." I looked over at Kenzie and shook my head. It was just like her to be all righteous like this. Everyone was better if you just left things alone. She was always ready to make changes, and she was never afraid of taking the long road for anything.
"Newsflash, it doesn't matter." I told her as I bent down to tie my shoelaces. We were just outside the teacher's lounge and it was after school. I wanted to go home but Kenzie wouldn't let me leave.
"Is that how you want your life to be? To let people walk all over you?" Kenzie questioned.
"Of course not, but…things are different for me. I stay away from confrontation. When those kids call me dyke or retard, it hurts, but I know it's best if I do nothing about it." Kenzie didn't understand because she'd never seen me mad, but why couldn't she just trust that I knew what was best for me?
Maybe it was because she was older. Not by much but still.
"I don't care; I'm not letting them do that to you." She said defiantly. I watched as she walked past me and approached a group of boys that had been giving me trouble since third grade. "Hey pricks! You've now officially fucked with the wrong girl."
"We don't want to fuck with you we just want to fuck you." James Myer said. He'd had braces for three years, I wonder what made him think he was such hot shit. The group of boys we all football players, typical, but they were also the biggest dirt bags in the school.
They weren't rich, but they compensated by bullying in order to reach the top. "Very cute comeback, but I don't have time for your shit. I'm here to tell you that from now on, you're leaving my friend alone."
"Your friend?" Michael Churchill questioned with a smug grin. "Or your girlfriend?" I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked over there.
"Just leave us alone." I said nudging Kenzie and trying to let her know that we needed to leave now.
"Hey fucktard how's it going?" The names, I could handle, but not the way Kenzie was looking at me now. She wanted me to do something, to say something. She was pushing me, silently, to defend myself.
When my knuckles collided with Michael's jaw, I felt the blood sputter from his mouth first. Then I heard him fall to the ground. I stood there, we all stood there unable to move or say anything.
Kenzie had to pull me away, and we ran through the football field and climbed the fence that lead into the woods. We cut through the woods just about every day. I could feel her eyes on me, curiously examining my face.
"Wow." She said with a slight chuckle. "If you could do that all along then why didn't you beat the shit out of those kids before?"
"Because I hate the feeling of hitting people." I told her truthfully.
"Why?" She asked.
"Because it feels good."
End Flashback
"Santana don't try and start something." My father warned with his hand still firmly wrapped around my bicep. "If you want to talk to your brother then fine, but don't start a fight."
"It's okay dad." He didn't look the same from when I last saw him. It was more than just the shaggy hairs on his face, or the way his hair curled in front of his eyes. It was the intensity in his eyes and the tattoo on his forearm. He stood in front of me, and for a moment he flinched, for a moment, his eyes softened and I could see the fear in his eyes.
I tried to lunge at him, but my father held me back. "Santana breathe please." My father tried to sound soothing but I'd blocked him out. Nothing but rage was flowing through my body.
'What makes you think you could just come back here? I'm not forgiving you I will never forgive you." I squirmed out of my father's grasp and pushed Nico back. His head knocked into the wall behind him, I wanted to hit him but I held back for a second. I wanted an answer from him.
"Dad, can you give Santana and I some privacy?" Nico asked calmly.
"I don't think that's such a good idea." My father said.
"I'm asking you dad, go for a drive or something, I want to talk to my sister alone." What was his angle? I was surprised when my father got his keys and jacket and exited the house. I was even more surprised when I heard his car engine start and the wheel squeal as he pulled out of our driveway.
"You got a death wish or something Nico?" I asked him. "You can't sweet talk your way out of this one Nico, but I know what you did, and I know you're a monster."
"Prison changed me hermanita." I looked away from him, the nickname, my old nickname, it gave me chills now. "I was a boy when I went in there, now I've come out a man. And a man knows what responsibility is-."
"Don't give me that bullshit!" I pushed him again, harder this time, hard enough that he nearly fell to the ground. "What you're not gonna fight back?" I asked him. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.
"I know how you can get, it's how we both get, remember? The anger, it runs in the family." He said.
"You're nothing like me!" I told him. "And you know what I'm nothing like Kenzie." I punched him in the stomach he doubled over in pain. I swung hard with my left connecting on his jaw. "She didn't fight back because she trusted you. She thought that we were a family, I promised her that we loved her, but the kind of love you wanted to show her…it's disgusting."
"Don't you think I know that now? I was messed up back then!" He said it like it was an excuse. I hit him again, harder this time; hard enough to split the skin open above his eyebrow.
"You raped her." I said clenching my fists. "How could you? What possessed you to do something like that to her? She was my best friend, she was my everything."
"I'm sorry." He pleaded. "I'm so sorry for what I did."
"Sorry doesn't cut it. Sorry doesn't bring back Kenzie, and sorry certainly doesn't bring back Kenzie. You raped Kenzie and you know what as far as I'm concerned you killed mom." Nico shoved me back, I didn't fall, but I was close.
"Don't you dare say something like that about mama!" It was a warning but one I certainly wasn't going to adhere to. "You've made your point Santana, so I'll pack up and stay at a hotel…but I'm not skipping town. You and papa, you're mi familia. I love you Tana."
"Don't tell me you love me Nico, not when I'd never feel the same love back towards you." I looked down at my feet. "You destroyed our whole family, Nicolas. You destroyed me."
…
I had to find away to separate my home life, school life, and life with Rachel; otherwise my whole world would come crashing down. At home, my father had been trying his best to keep things sane, he kept offering to take me to a psychiatrist, and I knew he thought I was getting depressed again. I wasn't. At school, my grades were great as per usual, but things with Ms. Corcoran seemed off and I knew it was because she was getting impatient about Rachel. I made her a promise and I'd have to keep it. With Rachel, she'd been patient, and loving and that's exactly what I needed.
"Um where have you been?" Quinn asked interrupting my thoughts. She stood right in front of me and I noticed that she'd put some pink in her hair and kept it at the same length that I'd cut it at.
"I don't really know what you're asking considering we've just come off Thanksgiving Break, so the obvious answer would be I was on Thanksgiving Break." Quinn gave me her I don't have time for your shit face and pulled her books up closer to her body.
"No I meant why weren't you home?" Quinn questioned. "Where were you? Who were you with?"
"Do you want me to put on a tracking device to make this easier for you?" I joked. "Look I was in New York with Rachel and her dads." I informed her.
"Oh great so you were fucking Berry all break. Wonderful to know." Quinn said rolling her eyes. "You know I really needed you over break. I needed you advice." Quinn whispered the last part as two freshmen Cheerios walked by.
"Why on earth would the great Quinn Fabray need my advice?" I asked curiously.
"Well…I was thinking of maybe…coming out to my parents." Quinn said biting her bottom lip. If we were the affectionate kind of friends I would've hugged her, but that was the exact opposite of what we were.
"Are you fucking insane? You want to tell your pastor dad that you're a homo? Yeah I'm sure that'll go over real well."
"I know I get that it's gonna suck and they'll probably disown me, but…if I want to ask Brittany out then I want to be good to her. I won't hide her." Quinn said and then I saw the sparkle in her eyes that told me there was more too it. "Which is why I want you to be there when I do it." She said it in her happy voice mask the fact that she'd lost her fucking mind, but I saw right through it. I starred at her for a full five seconds before turning around and beginning to walk away. "Wait!"
"No way Fabray, have you lost it? Why me anyway?"
"Because if I bring Britt then they might say something hurtful to her." Quinn replied.
"But you don't care if they hurt my feelings?" I questioned.
"Of course not." The bell rang for our next class and we exchanged looks before I nodded. "Thank you so much." Quinn pinched both my cheeks and smiled happily before skipping off down the hallway.
"Can't believe my girl came back and she didn't even think to call me." I spun around and jumped into Sam's arms. He smiled and held me tightly too him. "I missed you Santa."
"I missed you too Samantha."
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