I don't own Divergent.
Ohhhkay. It's really all downhill from here, still a few loose ends to tie up. But I honestly don't have too many ideas on how I'm going to actually tie them up. *deep sigh* And then there's the other thing... *evil laugh*
Don't get worried if it takes a few more days than usual for me to spit out the next chapter C: tis' coming.
TOBIAS POV….
In the next few days, I can see Tris healing. And not just in the physical sense of the word, either, but mentally. Not as much mentally as she is physically, of course, but mental things take more time. Yes, she still has good and bad days and sometimes I wake up at two in the morning to the sound of her throwing up into a trashcan. Sometimes I have to hold her in my arms while she cries uncontrollably at the thought of all of her fears, of her fears of losing the baby that she's already convinced herself is going to die. But she's a lot better than she was, that's a definite yes. The pills have helped her wonders in the four days she's been here as well. She sleeps a lot more now, too, because of the medicine, but I also think that helps her feel a bit better.
We learn by the end of the week that she probably won't leave for a few days longer than she expected. The doctors looked at her left lung, and although they told me that it's healed a considerable amount because of all the antibiotics that she's on, it's obvious that they don't want to let her go yet. She still has an awful amount of bruising around her midsection and she still seems like she's quite sore, although she never complains.
So no, I'm not really worried about her physically anymore. And I know that I shouldn't worry about her mentally, but I can't help it. I'm still worried that she's going to snap soon, that's why I've been by her side so much, trying to be the 'good husband'. I know that if anything actually does go wrong with this pregnancy, then she will lose it. For some strange reason, though, she still thinks she's going to lose the child, no matter how much I tell her that it's not going to happen.
I guess that's what loss does to you. No, I know that's what loss does to you. It makes you scared to be happy. And when you get something, you're always sure that it's going to be taken away from you because you've learned to expect it by now. But I'm determined that she's not going to lose this child and I'm going to protect her, no matter how much she gripes at me for being too clingy or protective. Whatever I can do in my power, I'm going to do it.
…
The day the doctor tells her that she's clear to leave, she's so happy. Heck, I'm happy too. This place smells like clorox and stale air, I'm ready to go.
….
"Bye, guys," Christina says once we make it home, Tris walking slowly beside me. Cara, Matthew, and Zeke stand beside Christina. "We'll see you later, I'm just going to go back to the compound for a while with these guys. Take care!" She says, waving at us and we wave back until they get a good distance away from us. I just shrug and take a deep breath, grateful that she's letting us have some alone time. I'm sure that's why she's stepping away for a while, that and because she probably just wants to get away for a bit.
I open the door to my and Tris' house and take a deep breath.
"Home," I whisper, the pale blue carpet greeting us.
"Home," Tris says beside me, sighing deeply. "Hey, Tobias?" she says, looking up at me questioningly.
"Hm?"
"You want to go to bed with me?" She asks, her eyes completely tired and equally as innocent. I can see the dark circles underneath her eyes despite all of the extra sleep she's been getting. I guess pregnancy's taking a bigger toll on her than I can see.
"I'd love to," I say, exhausted as well.
Tris walks straight into the house and goes straight towards the bedroom. I call after her.
"Hey, I'll be in there in just a minute," I say, picking up a few dirty plates to set into the sink and opening the fridge. I cringe. She really doesn't take care of herself, I think and scowl as I look at the contents of the fridge. So… she didn't tell me she was pregnant because she was scared. And when I left she hardly ate, and what she did eat is probably because Christina stuffed it down her throat. I sigh.
"I need to go shopping," I say under my breath as I walk down the hallway to the bedroom, Tris already snuggled underneath the covers when I ease the door open. Her steady breaths make the bedsheets rise and fall, and she jumps when I get in.
"Oh, Tobias, it's just you," she says groggily before closing her eyes and taking a deep, sluggish breath. She forces her eyes back open as I wrap my arms around her gently, and she pulls her arms up to rest her palms on my chest. She's cold. "So… what were you doing in the kitchen?"
"Nothing important," I whisper dismissively. It's probably just better to let her sleep now and not talk, to let her get her just get some rest.
"Hmm? Okay…." she whispers, her voice growing quieter towards the end of her sentence. In a few seconds her breathing levels out and I can tell she's asleep, her blonde hair tousled around her face.
…..
Honestly, nothing much happens for the next few weeks. Tris decided she wanted to take a few weeks off of work because she's still so exhausted and weak. I've been reporting to the base every few days to work out, start training with Rebecca, and do normal duties and everything. I was informed that we had a conference meeting a few days after the mission was over, so long story short it's going to be a while before we do another mission, just to let everything calm down. And we all know how the Fringe works as far as grudges go, right? So that might be a while.
I'm completely fine with not having to do anything for a few months, in all honesty. God, I am. All I want to do for just a little while is get up in the mornings, go to work when I have to go to work, and come back home to Tris.
I mean, of course I can't do this every day, I'm fine with working at my job. I just don't want to do anything over the top for a while so I can be in reach if Tris ever needs me.
….
I start to hang out with Anthony a bit more although I'm still, honestly, very confused about what happened during the last mission. Rebecca told me what happened, I know, but I don't want to believe it. I really don't want to believe that Anthony would do that to me, that his branch of military would do that to my branch of military.
"So… Anthony, I haven't seen you in a few days," I say nonchalantly in the men's latrine with him, mopping the floors like we have to do occasionally.
"I'm sorry, Tobias," Anthony replies, propping his weight up on the mop handle. "I haven't been home in two weeks, we've been going through some awful initiation things over here."
"What do you mean?" I say, my attention clearly focused on him now.
"Well…" he looks up and plays with his slight shadow of a beard. "We had to stay up for forty- eight hours one time to test how we react with little or no sleep and how well we can do our job then. We had to cram a bunch of information about computers in our minds. There's been a lot of yelling and tests and crash- courses. It's been… awful, honestly. I have no idea what's happening in the outside world anymore."
"Wow," I say sadly, mopping again. "So… you have to basically go through another initiation?"
"Yeah, basically," he says, sighing. "I guess on the plus side… I'm getting a lot smarter than I was before."
"Yeah…. so wait, wait. Did you hear about the mission that the special forces went on?"
He nods his head. "Yeah, I heard it didn't go too well. I wasn't monitoring that one or manning the earpieces though, because we weren't allowed to. Only the senior members can do that kind of thing. Monitor the special forces, I mean, because it's so dangerous." He pauses. "I see you got your ear cut up pretty badly."
More like shot up. "Not as badly as some people that were there."
He has no idea that it was a big scam, that nobody was really helping the special forces. They told him that everything was going smoothly, everything was being monitored. He was being lied to, his whole initiate class was.
I close my mouth and try to play off what he just said, what I had just connected together. I guess I'd better shut it, after all. For all I know, people could be listening to us right now. Corrupt military, right, I think, shaking my head.
"Well when are you going to pass initiation?" I ask, dipping my mop brush in a bucket of dirty water.
"In a few days," he says, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready for it to be over so I can just relax for a while, monitor the computers and everything. I don't know how much more information my brain can hold," He says jokingly, rubbing his slightly longer red hair.
"I hope it all goes okay with you anyway, Anthony," I say. Time to switch subjects. "Hey, you know that Tris is pregnant?" My eyes light up a little.
"Really?" He says, looking genuinely happy for me. "That's great! I should come over and congratulate her sometime."
"She's exhausted," I say, shaking my head. I go ahead and tell him the whole story about Tris almost having a miscarriage while I was on the mission, me coming home to a voicemail and running to the hospital frantically, wondering if she was completely dying. Her constant vomiting and mental scarring. "But of course you can drop by whenever. Just give me a call, I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She's actually a lot better now, considering."
"Tris never seems to get a break, does she?" Anthony says, looking up from his mopping. His eyebrows are drawn close together.
"That's how it seems…." I pause. "But I think everything's going to actually be okay this time."
…
"I'm home," I whisper, stepping through the door and taking my shoes off. In my arms hang down bag after bag of groceries that I picked up, knowing that I'm going to have to feed Tris something, but bless her heart because I can't cook to save my life.
It takes me two seconds to spot her, laying on the couch with the television light flickering off of her pale skin, her eyes closed in sleep. An arm slung over her abdomen protectively, a slight smile on her lips. She looks really peaceful… I love it.
….
The last time Tris was pregnant, she didn't start showing until nearly three months along, if I'm correct. She starts showing a lot earlier this time, about a month earlier than before. I'm not quite sure what it means, but it thrills me. I think it scares her.
She doesn't tell me this time around that she's showing, I just notice. One morning while she's asleep and I've just woken up, gazing at her relaxed expression. I notice because her white tank top is slightly ruffled up from sleep. I mean, those things are kind of skin- hugging anyway, so it's not hard to see the gentle swell of her lower abdomen as she lies next to me on her side. It's not a lot, no, not at all. You wouldn't be able to tell if she was wearing anything else. But still, it's something, although I'm not quite sure how she's taking it, whether she's thrilled or scared. I expect the latter.
I think, What the heck, why not? and press my hand to it gently, warm skin beneath my fingertips. I feel a smile spread along my lips until I'm broken out of my daze, looking up and finding Tris' eyes staring at me violently with her eyebrows gathered together in a threatening scowl.
"Tobias, what are you doing?" she growls at me.
"I, uh," I mutter, pulling my hand back. "I just noticed you were showing and I was just, um…." I pause, trying to choose my words carefully. "I'm happy for you, Tris."
"Let's not talk about it, okay?" Tris mutters to me, pulling the covers up around her until I can't see her stomach anymore. She takes a deep breath and rolls onto her back. A long pause fills the air and I wait for her to speak again. "I noticed a few days ago…" she whispers almost mutely. "I'm trying my best to come to terms with it, Tobias, it's just hard for me to."
I don't know what to say. I mean, what do I say? I understand now what she's feeling, I think, with all the fear and foreboding. I just don't know how I can make it all better. I can't.
"I'm sorry," I whisper back to her. "I didn't know."
She pauses a long time before rolling back onto her side and snuggling back into me.
"No, it's…. it's fine."
…
TRIS POV…
If I've learned anything in the past few months, it's that I don't enjoy pregnancy. Even if it's still in it's early stages, it makes me feel uneasy. Yes, I am slowly coming to terms with everything, especially now that I'm noticing my stomach grow. Tobias is helping me come to terms with it as well, plainly because he seems so happy about it all. But it seems like as soon as I get adjusted to everything, a new symptom appears. I've almost gotten over morning sickness, yes, but I find myself becoming more and more emotional nowadays. This didn't really happen last time. And I feel so pathetic for doing it because I'm not that kind of person; I'm a person that's able to keep a cool head during almost any kind of situation and be able to think things through. Now I find myself crying over the smallest things. It gets on my nerves, and I try to not show it to Tobias because it's likely that he'd freak out, and I don't want him to worry more than he has to nowadays.
I sleep in some mornings, too, as I'm still very tired. But I still try to make it into the kitchen for breakfast most mornings, because most mornings Tobias is up and making eggs.
"Hey, good morning," I say, walking into the kitchen to find Tobias at the stove, cooking some especially unappetizing- looking eggs today.
"Oh hey, morning," he says, a slight grin on his face. "Sleep well?"
"I guess so," I say, running a hand through my hair.
He hums to himself for a minute before cutting off the stove and putting the eggs into a bowl. "Want some eggs?"
"Hmm…" I think as I put a finger to my lips. Eggs. What are eggs? All they are, they're just dead baby chickens that never were given a chance to live. We don't fry up unborn fetuses, do we? Well, that's… all that they are. Just never given a chance to live.
I look down at the table and start hiccuping, trying to hold back the tears in my eyes that I don't want Tobias to see. God, this is stupid. Why am I crying over this?
"Tris?" Tobias asks, getting a fork out of a silverware drawer. "What's the matter?"
"I don't want any eggs…"
"Hmm? Okay, that's fine." He walks over to me and pushes a lock of hair out of my eyes. He sees me crying. "Hey, what happened?"
"I'm just so hormonal and I can't stand it!" I say, not able to stop myself from crying.
"Hmm.." He mumbles, trying to find the right response. "You want to talk about it?" He asks, pulling a chair up beside me.
"Eggs are just unborn chickens that were never given a chance to live just like my other unborn child!" I yell into the kitchen, immediately covering my eyes with my hands. "This one almost didn't have a chance either…" My hiccups are loud and I feel so stupid and weak for this. This is not me. This is just a reaction of my hormones, once again, violently messing with my body.
Tobias doesn't say anything, but I can just imagine the scowl on his face that he always has on when he's worried about me.
"I feel so stupid for doing this," I choke out, my hands now wet with my own tears.
"No, don't," Tobias whispers to me before picking me up and sitting me in his lap so he can comfort me more easily, like he always does. I hear him take a deep breath, his chin resting on top of my head. "I understand it has to be hard." He chuckles slightly. "I probably wouldn't be doing half as well if I was in your position. So, the very least I can do is be patient with you."
I nod against his chest, my tears making his shirt wet. "Please… just," I hiccup again. "Don't make eggs for awhile longer, until I get over this hormonal stage."
"Yeah, you got it," he laughs, a deep breath expanding his lungs.
…
Amidst my side- effects of pregnancy, I begin to find some normal semblance of life. Christina comes over a lot and most of the time she brings food. This is perfectly timed, too, because I'm starting to feel a ghost of the hunger that I felt during my last pregnancy.
It's not fun, no, just like Cara said about three months ago. I'm still not big enough that you can tell I'm pregnant while I'm wearing a shirt, it just looks like I've gained a bit of weight. That's fine, considering I really do need to gain weight. But if I'm wearing anything other than a t-shirt, like a tank top or anything, it's very obvious I'm expecting.
Tobias stays with me a lot when he's not at work, too, watching movies with me late at night when I can't sleep. It's getting increasingly harder for me to sleep as well.
….
I fell asleep on Tobias last night on the couch, watching an old movie although I'm not quite sure what it was about because I went to sleep almost as soon as it began. This was probably the first night's good sleep I've gotten in three days. I don't guess Tobias had the heart to move me for fear that I would wake up.
I come to consciousness when I hear the door creak open, a suddenly loud and then immediately hushed voice coming in, not Christina's. I don't open my eyes, just listening.
"Oh, hey," Tobias whispers, my body resting on top of his. I hear a friendly hum in his voice.
"Hey…" A pause. "She's asleep?" The door closes.
"Yeah," Tobias mutters warmly, taking a deep breath. "She just fell asleep here last night and I couldn't find it in myself to move her… she hasn't been sleeping that well for a while now."
"Is she okay?" The voice whispers, moving around, closer to us. I imagine the source is now sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.
"Yeah, she's fine. Relatively, at least, better than she was," he whispers, his voice trailing. "...she's pregnant."
"Oh, really?" A pause. "That's great, congrats." The voice…. sounds a bit disappointed, strangely.
"Thanks," Tobias says, chuckling. He sighs. "I guess I'd better wake her up after all. She probably wants to meet you, seeing as you kind of did save her husband." He chuckles again, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "Hey, Tris. Triiis," he drags out my name, kissing me lightly on the forehead. "Wake it up."
"Hmm?" I say, pretending to just be waking up.
"We've got company."
"Eh? It's a bit early for company," I say and yawn, looking over to find a younger lady, maybe late teens, sitting on our coffee table, long blonde hair hanging below her shoulders. "Good morning, company." I try to give her a hospitable smile. "What's your name?" I sit up on the couch and Tobias does the same.
"I'm Rebecca, sixteen years old," she says, greeting me with a warm smile. "Nice to meet you Tris."
"So you're Rebecca," I say, my smile becoming genuine. "You're the one I owe so much to."
"W- what did I do?" She asks, bewildered.
"Tobias told me that you saved his life, that's what you did. I don't… I don't know what I'd be doing right now if it wasn't for you." Pick up the mood a bit, Tris. "Hey, hey, why don't you come on in. Sorry I was sleeping." I get up off the couch. "You guys want some tea?"
"Actually," Tobias says, standing up. "I have to go to work. I won't be gone long today, I just promised Anthony I'd come over today to help him clean the kitchen. We have to take turns doing this stuff," He explains and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm a little late as it is," he adds, rubbing the back of his hair more vigorously. "So you guys bond, do whatever, but I'll be back soon. Kay?"
I take a deep breath. "Alright. See ya." He waves at us as he walks out the door.
"So," Rebecca says, giving a pause until Tobias walks out the door. She walks to the kitchen, trailing behind me. "Pregnant, huh?"
"What? How'd you know about tha-"
"Oh, come on. It was pretty obvious you were awake, I saw your eyes moving behind your eyelids. Tobias didn't pick up on it though, so it's fine."
"My cover's blown. You're good," I say, raising an eyebrow. "No wonder Tobias spoke such praise of you, you're one sharp kid."
"Kid," she mocks and blows a lock of hair out of her eyes. "Wait. Tobias really said good things about me?"
"Of course! I mean, it's not often that he sees someone that he considers better than him." I pause for a moment as I boil some water for tea. "Well, it used to be like that. He's gotten a little softer over time. But I kind of prefer him that way, I think," I say and yawn again, stretching my arms over my head.
Rebecca sits down at the table. "So what happened? Tobias said that you were 'better', like, better than you were. Are you okay, did something happen? I mean, I don't want to be nosy or anything… I'm just concerned." I turn around for a minute give her a good- natured smile. Normally I would care about people doing this, but she just seems genuinely... I don't know, worried about me, even though she doesn't know me. She's heard of me though, obviously. I like her, I like her spirit. It's a lot freer than mine, that's for sure.
I grab some sugar for the tea out of a cabinet, my back turned to her. "Well… two things happened. I have a wound in my left lung," I inform her, turning back around. I point a finger to my left lung where I was shot, "that almost killed me about two and a half years ago, I think it was. I'm sure you've heard stories, but they did surgery and whatever and I was fine. It ripped open, suddenly, the day before you guys came back from your mission and I was coughing up blood and… at the same time… I almost had a miscarriage, I was bleeding and everything," I say quietly. The subject's still so sensitive, even after all this time. "So I was in the hospital the day before Tobias came back from his mission. He was informed I was in the hospital and he was really worried about me, and he rushed into the hospital God knows how late at night right after he got back. I was in really critical condition for a bit. I was in the hospital for over a week after everything. But I managed to be okay, surprisingly."
"I was wondering why he was out of work for a while…."
"Yeah." I wait for a while to speak again. "And then after I did get home, I was still recovering from morning sickness, horrible morning sickness and after a while more symptoms came up. Mood swings, depression. Inevitably a swollen, bloated stomach. It's not very fun." I repeat Cara's words.
"I'm so sorry, Tris," she whispers, the look in her eyes terribly sad. "I had no idea."
"Well you didn't do anything," I snort at her, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet. "It's… not your fault, hun."
"Hey…" she pauses for a while, seeming to gather some courage to speak. "What's it like?"
"Hmm? What's what like?"
"What's it like to be.. pregnant?" She asks, meeting my eyes and then retreating them quickly to stare at the floor. That's right, she's only sixteen. All those hormones, she has to be curious as to what it's like. I laugh a little to myself. Not like I'm much older. I run a hand through my hair and a warm smile finds it's way onto my lips.
"Well…" I sit down at the table, placing a hand on the slight bump in my abdomen. "As far as I know, all it feels like is uncomfortable right now. I've never gotten to the 'it feels like there's an alien in my stomach' stage, so..." I shrug. "Do you want to feel?" I say as I stand up. "Not like there's much, though."
"Uh, yeah?" She asks and I shrug again.
It's pretty obvious that she feels awkward about this, but I'm actually pretty indifferent to it as she presses her hand on the slight bump of my abdomen, extremely gently. Probably too gently.
"It isn't much," she says a little disappointedly before pulling her hand back.
"Just wait a few months," I say, chuckling a bit, before remembering my doubts. I sigh deeply. "If it lives."
"What do you mean?" She asks, sitting down again as I pour some tea in our cups.
"I've already had one miscarriage," I whisper. "I'm not sure if I'm sensing a trend or not, but I'm just so scared to get attached to it." I sigh again. "It's happening, though, and it scares me to death."
"I don't think you're going to loose it, Tris…"
"For my sanity's sake, I sure hope not."
….
Tobias comes in about an hour later to us watching t.v. on the couch, a layer of sweat covering his forearms.
"I take it you guys are getting along well?"
"Better than I expected," I say, laughing. "Rebecca's pretty cool."
"Hey, told ya," he says, shrugging, as Rebecca blushes at all of our praise.
…
She leaves not too much later, thanking us for the tea and hospitality, and we tell her it was nothing, that it was a pleasure to have her.
….
"She's.. just a normal teenage girl," I say when we both get into bed. We get in early tonight to avoid the risk of falling asleep on the couch..
"Really?" He asks, shocked. "She was a lethal killing machine out in the field. I never saw the side that you just saw."
I shrug. "Guess it's a girl thing. But a lot different than I expected her to be, nonetheless. She's almost shy, even. In a way… she kind of reminds me of myself at that age." I press a finger to my lips. "The… Abnegation me. Not quite as bad, but you get the jist."
"I thought she reminded me of you, too," he says, "Just in a different way, the more lethal part of you." He chuckles.
"Hmm, maybe." I pause, changing subjects. "It's pretty obvious she's got a thing for you, too," I say, suddenly giggling and trying to stifle my more mild mood swing.
"Pssh," Tobias says, brushing the subject off and I raise an eyebrow at him. "I'm not a petifile, Tris."
"I know, I know. But you'd better not get any ideas," I say jokingly, poking his chest.
He snorts. "Nah. You're my lady. Plus you're carrying our child. I'm not interested in anybody else." He smiles. "I love you."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," I say as he gives me a peck on the lips. In return I give him a long, romantic kiss and I grab his hand gently, steadying myself with a deep breath before pulling away from his lips, then placing his hand over the bump in my stomach. His eyes widen in shock, surprised that I'd let him even get close to my belly. The way I acted before, I don't blame him. I was scared. I'm still extremely scared. But if the child's here now, then I'm going to cherish it now and just pray, pray that I can keep it.
"I love you too."
Bahaha nope. No romantic interest for Rebecca. Sorry you RebeccaxTobias shippers (if there are any which is probably unlikely) eew
So how was everyone's Easter? Hope it was fantastic, mine was C: Hope you got to spend plenty of time with the fam and friends! Don't forget the reason for the season guys!
~Beff Monster