A/N: So now I have cubital tunnel syndrome, which affects the elbows and the pinky and little finger. The carpal has gone away but it is still a pain in the ass. The therapy was successful in ridding me of my pain, though. So now that we see the travesty that is Article 13 and also more bs in the form of the Trump administration, and fandom bullshit, let's get to work on the chapter.

Will Shiny die? Who knows!

Chapter 37 In which the Chinese Fertilization Loses their Pawn and Their Minds Over Shopping, whilst the public boycotts shopping and rebels

The store owner peered over his table at the man standing behind it, as the man standing behind it stared at him, and another man standing behind him stood behind him, smiling, and the infinite paradox rolled around, and around, until...

"What the hell are you reading? You're making my brain spin, stop it, Odious!" Cueball shouted at the world's least wanted Prince, who had been busy reading him some deranged fan fiction about his deepest fantasies, and his shopping fantasies.

It was enough to make one insane.

"Don't you want to know more about the Beehive Queen and her lovely assistants who use pillows and honey to sting humans to death? It is said she prefers milk cheese over all else, so you're supposed to approach her with cheese dripping wet with milk, although chocolate works just as well." He said, laughing at his own sense of humor.

"Odious, shut up for five seconds! Lay off the drugs and listen! For some reason, the Chinese Fertilization thinks you agreed to marry their princess...what was her name again? Symphony?"

"I thought it was Tianzi." He said matter of factly, throwing more salt behind his shoulder, which landed on the head of Talentless Stalker, who screamed.

"Oh no, I thought I would be able to get a kiss out of this handsome young man and make it my new ship!" She screamed, "Everyone knows assault is true love."

"Get out of here!" Both of them cried, throwing her out onto the street, where a car promptly ran her over...and then another car, and then a Knightmare Frame did.

Still it did not kill her.

"Right well, where were we? Stringed Xylophone wants you to come meet with the Uniques soon to arrange the marriage, which between you and me is a bit creepy."

"How old is this princess?" Odious asked, disturbed.

"Like, ten."

"That's pedophilia, man. Call it off."

"Orders from Charisma. She did it for the lolz, so you're supposed to play along."

"And if I don't?" Odious said, putting a magnet up his nose and juggling basketballs in his hands, and throwing them at the demon behind him.

"OW, YOU HIT MY EYE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ MY KIDS HELLISH TALES?" It screamed.

"Sorry," Odious said, aiming a magnet at his face this time.

"Could you stop throwing shit around and listen to me?" He boomed, but Odious was already walking away, only to be met by Schnitzel, who was busy chewing on something wooden. It was a giant rocking chair, and apparently Euchie had smashed it to pieces, thinking it was something to be used for fun, before being shipped back to the mental asylum.

"Take that out of your mouth! How is it okay to marry me off to a minor?" He protested.

The only sounds were the sounds of Cannon and Schnitzel munching on the...pretzels, (how had he thought it was anything else?) loudly, and getting crumbs on the nicely polished floor, before Schnitzel answered, still looking at her ipad.

"Be glad it's not a major note."

"It's not music, I'm being engaged to the Empress of Chinese Fertilization, who is a minor! This puts me in major...well, you know."

"Aren't they famous for being great farmers? I heard their land is one of the best to beat hoes and ploughshares into." Carl said, suddenly appearing behind them.

When everyone stared, he clarified himself.

"I don't mean what you think I mean, I mean those ugly instruments you use to hit the ground with."

"Sure you did." Schnitzel said, this time stealing Cannon's hat and wearing it on her head.

"Princess Schnitzel, I've wanted to meet you for a long time!" Sessile Crockery screamed, charging at the Princess...and missing her by ten feet, instead embracing the wall.

"Why is she hugging thin air?" Cannon asked.

"Are you friends with Void Asphalt? His sister Gypsum sends her regards, and requests that he send some more cement her way. She needs it for an indoor construction project they're doing. Apparently, it got all bricked up." Schnitzel said dryly.

"So what do you do in your spare time, Miss Sessile?" Cannon asked.

"I talk to the unseen forces and paint what cannot be seen. Like now, check out my latest painting! It's based on minimalism!" She held out an easel and sure enough, the whole painting was empty, save for one tiny dot in the very bottom.

"I see..." Cannon said, wondering how anyone could be this stupid. "It's a...nice picture."

"There's this one I made based on dadaism!" She held up a picture of a ton of stick figure men and babies in their arms.

"I see someone is a dumbass." Souvenir said, teleporting into the room, holding her latest deranged copy of Dingo Weinerburger's story in her arms. "The brilliant Dingo strikes again. His work is so beautiful. He wrote a chapter dedicated to the Princess Schnappe and her lover Canola Oil. Does that sound familiar?"

Both of them flinched.

"Did he copy off me?" Both of them shouted, incensed.

"I believe it's more like artistic inspiration." Souvenir said, putting her head inside the book-and then sticking it back out. "Hey, there's a hole in the middle of this book. You can get to Mt. Moon through it."

"I found a nail in a book once." Clover said, busy polishing her fingernails with lip polish and doing her makeup on her ears, for no particular reason.

"So, Odious, go over there and begin your marriage."

Odious walked to the side of the room.

"No, you idiot, I meant walk out the door and go there!"

Odious walked out the door and stayed there.

"We're gonna have to arrange for someone to transport him, right?" Schnitzel groaned.

When Odious arrived in the Chinese Fertilization, he was unaware that Cheerio was already there, along with the mysterious Cream Cheese, or C.C. for short.

"So, there's Prince Odious, a most dull specimen. Just as dull as you, Tangerine." Pierogi said.

"My name's Tambourine, for the last time!" He cried out.

They were concealing themselves via a giant bush placed over themselves and tiptoing around. Somehow, it worked just fine for Collin, who held his light saber and poked the guards with it.

Somehow, they didn't notice or care.

Lucia was under the biggest bush of all, with only her feet visible. Since her mask was lost in the demolition of the school (thanks a million, Euchie), she had no choice but to go undercover. "How are we sure this is going to work?"

C.C. scarfed down pizza, "If it doesn't, you'll humiliate yourselves and I'll expose Charisma's embarrassing fetishes to the rest of the world. Did you know she has a fetish for staring at mirrors? She told me she thinks someone impersonates her and wants them to get out."

"Mother is truly a dumbass in the sense of the word." Lucia muttered, and now another secret was out for the Serial Bites.

"Anyone could've figured that out. You're a princess, it explains the spoiled attitude." Pierogi said.

The next second, a pierogi was thrown at his head, and a can of tomato sauce was thrown onto his nice suit, staining the bush red.

This time, the guards did notice. "Hey, is it just me or is that bush over there red? It wasn't red before."

"Shut up and get back to work. We have round 10 of Turds with Fiends to catch up on." The other said, checking their phone.

"Isn't the marriage rather creepy?" The other guard said.

"Do you want to be sent downstairs to observe the Water Closets?" The first one scolded. "Two Briticist people were sent there as a punishment for their daughter's insanity, and now they're obsessed with cleaning utensils."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"There is when they try to clean your face with a freaking spoon."

"Maybe they're just being creative, and you're being a hater." The second officer scoffed.

"HEY, GET BACK TO WORK OUT THERE! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'VE GOT A CREEPY, ILLEGAL THING TO DO UP HERE, AND DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED!" Several Uniques shouted.

"Sorry, sir, we'll get back to work." The two guards said, failing to notice the obvious bushes sneaking past all of them...until one of them sneezed.

A can of something flew out and dyed the floor red.

"Hey, that's no ordinary bush!" One cried. "It's a...a...moving bush."

"There's no such thing. It's a load of bushwa."

"Oh yeah? I got a cast of a footprint of the Bushwa monster, so there!"

"You're just stupid, so there!"

The two resumed their argument as Pierogi, Tambourine, Collin and Lucia snuck on ahead.

Portfolio glanced around, wondering where the hell his foster sister was.

"She went to go to a health food convention? That's garbage, everyone knows sugar is good for you." He put five scoops of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in his mouth while also examining his horrorscopes again.

"This one says I'm gonna kill an annoying fanboy by stabbing him. Yeah, right, like I'd do that."

Suddenly, Shiny appeared in Portfolio's apartment, holding a pair of...underwear?

Instantly, Portfolio appeared behind him, using his Jedi Mind trick. "What are you doing with my sister's underwear?"

"Uh...I want to..." Shiny began.

The next second, he was whacked with a newspaper. "Get out of here! If this was Mince's doing, tell him he's going to have nothing but red stains on his nice white carpet and all his video games burned up!"

"I was put up to it!" Shiny protested.

"By whom?" Portfolio inquired.

"An insane white-haired guy who played loud music right in my face."

"I have no idea who that is, but I'll keep an eye out for him." Portfolio said, "In the meantime, please get out."

Shiny hit the wall.

"Isn't there an invisible door here?"

"There's no such thing." Portfolio said, sweating. Had they found the secret rec room where he played pool while spying on his "sister?" His secret collection of corn magazines?

"I saw it left open!" Shiny said.

"There's no such thing. Get out." He said, shoving him out, "I have to change the locks and the password to the invisible door."

"What's the point if you say it's real?" Salamander said, appearing out of nowhere like a ninja.

"Stop doing that!" Portfolio exclaimed.

"I've got your corn right here." Salamander held out a single kernel and Portfolio screamed.

"Did you guys hear that?" Fauna asked, busy playing a game of Monopoly with Dingo.

"No, go back to shuffling! Aw man, I'm sent to jail again!" Dingo complained.

"It's what you deserve." Cappuccino laughed.