Suggested by MorgyWorgy (... I like your name...)
"That never happened."
"Oh, so you weren't dying and Rhodey didn't take your suit, while you were drunk as hell and Natasha wasn't your assistant?"
"... Damn, you're good..."
"I'm like 87% sure it's the sixth time you tell me that."
Tony groaned. His boyfriend was definitely the biggest smartass in the whole world. Steve was bored, so Tony took him out to the city (which meant Steve begging him to do something for half an hour and Tony making Steve swear that he'll get a reward afterwards. You know what I mean...)
Now, they were both being annoying to each other.
"Remind me to get a new boyfriend," Tony said with a low voice, making sure that no one other than Steve heard him.
"First of all, I'm not JARVIS," Steve responded, chuckling. "Second, I know you won't change me with anyone."
"Stop being such a smartypants, I want food," Tony told Steve, before dragging him to Burger King. They ordered their burgers (and Steve started with all the 'it's not healthy' crap which lasted until Tony shoved a burger at Steve's face). Apparently, the workers just laughed at the following food fight.
Steve narrowed his eyes, looking at Tony with his artist-look. He had somehow managed to draw horns to Tony with ketchup. Tony pouted at Steve's chuckle. "What? I'm not handsome enough like that?"
"Shut up, Stark," Steve laughed.
Tony frowned and took coke and poured it in Steve's hair. His mouth dropped open and eyes shut tightly, as the ice cold drink moved downwards on Steve's body. "Oh, it's on..." he muttered, taking his fries and sticking them in Tony's hair.
In response, Tony took Steve's burger and threw it at Steve's face. Steve took his own drink and poured it on Tony's head, ignoring the protests coming from his teammate.
"I'm not going to eat that anymore..." Tony muttered.
After they finally ate something (yeah, they had two food fights more, just forget about that...) they went to a mall, where Steve wanted... Okay, that's going to sound childish... Toys.
So they ended up in Toys R Us, where Steve apparently fell in love with Lego. "What is Lord of the Rings?" he asked, leaning closer to the box to take a look at the characters. There were a few normal characters that actually looked like humans and bunch of really weird guys. Oh, and there was a huge ship also. His mind didn't recall ever seeing this movie.
"Long story, we'll have to see it someday," Tony replied simply. He picked up a Lego Star Wars box. "Death Star, huh? This one should be fun." He grabbed the Lego Lord of the Rings box from Steve's hand and walked past Steve, moving towards the cash register.
"Wait, what?" Steve asked, staying on one place, as he turned around to look after Tony with a questioning glance. "You're actually buying these?"
"What did you think?" Tony laughed, turning back to look at his boyfriend for a brief moment. "You liked them, I buy them. While we're already at it, go get a Transformer or something."
"Transformer?" Steve asked back, following Tony and his Lego boxes (and apparently, Tony liked Ninjago, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and DC Universe Super Heroes).
Tony raised an eyebrow. "I haven't watched Transformers with you? Jesus, what have I gotten myself into..."
Steve chuckled, ignoring Tony's pout.
"I am not doing it."
"Come on, it'll be hilarious."
"Right now, I'm Steve Rogers, not Captain America and you should know that."
"I know, just do it."
Steve sighed in defeat. What had he gotten himself into... He walked to one of the security guards, taking a deep breath while doing so. "We've got Code 9 in the housewares," he said in his Captain America voice, pointing at the direction of housewares. "I need you to evacuate the floor."
The security guard blinked at Steve twice, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. "What's Code 9?"
Steve didn't find it funny. Tony thought it was hilarious.
"Pick me! Pick me!"
Steve growled, as yet another woman ran out from the store, screaming. "Get out, Tony," he said, moving to a clothing rack.
A head popped out from it, smiling at Steve. "Sorry, hun, it's just funny to scare people like that."
"Making people think that clothes are talking is not funny," Steve responded, pulling Tony out, ignoring his boyfriends protests.
As Steve let go of Tony, the brunette ran away towards the fitting room. Steve groaned, following the genius. When he was closer to the fitting room, he heard Tony's voice shout over the store: "Where the hell is the toilet paper?!"
Okay, no more clothes stores with Tony.
"Did we just go back in time?"
"The fact that you have high tech doesn't mean it's everywhere."
Tony knocked on a TV with his knuckle, making Steve chuckle. "Are you sure you didn't have this kind of junk in the forties?"
"Then I should be able to use it right now, or what?" Steve asked back.
"Good point..." Tony tipped his head to his left briefly. "What do you think about the idea that I take something from here and turn it into high tech?"
"Let me just get you out from here..."
Steve placed a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back the laugh that threatened to escape him. "I know I said I love you no matter how you look, remember? Well, I didn't think of that..."
Tony was standing in front of Steve, wearing pink high heels, almost knee-length yellow dress, tights and a pink jacket, everything way too glittery. And tons of make-up. He pouted at Steve's face. "I'm still handsome!"
"I'm sure I can get Reed to make some 'mistake' again, which would cause you to actually turn you into a woman."
"I hate you so much right now..."
"-and then I woke up in the future," Steve finished. Tony somehow managed to get every damn security guard in the mall to get to listen to Steve's story about World War II and fighting with Skull and stuff. Now they were all sitting in - okay, that's actually quite logical - military store.
The faces of the guards were hilarious. One was gaping, eyes wide, as he looked at Steve, like he wanted to eat him with his own eyes. Yeah, Tony got a little overprotective at that.
"Okay, now I want to know about World War I," Tony said, turning to look at the guards, causing Steve to groan.
"Was it that bad?" Tony asked, smirking, as he and Steve were walking towards the Tower.
"Yup," Steve responded.
Tony chuckled, pulling Steve closer to him. It was late and dark, so no one normal would pay attention to a couple in the middle of the street. "Well, you better get used to it," he said, kissing Steve quickly.
A/N: Yeah, I'm not going to come up with some random excuses... The point is that you got the chapter, though it took some time.