Kanaya cut Terezi's body down from the window, letting it flop against the pavement below, retreating back into the part of herself that was impervious to pain. They tried to clean her up as best they could, straighten her crudely snapped neck and wash the blood off, but she went into the ground looking battered.
They buried her next to Karkat. It took a long time. With every shovel stroke, John felt more and more like he was digging his own grave. It was only a matter of time, now. The thing about Terezi was that she had seemed so invincible, from the moment he met her it was clear that Redglare was a powerful force to be reckoned with. She wasn't supposed to have ended up like this, dangling over the doorway of her own home, beaten. She was supposed to have come home whole.
"Why can't anything ever go right for a change?" John yelled angrily, throwing down his shovel. Everyone paused.
"I mean it's fucking ridiculous!" He threw his hands up. "We can't get one good thing around here? Not without digging another freaking grave."
"John…" Kanaya said softly. He shook his head violently, tears starting to prick up in his eyes.
"I mean we got food but so what? I'd rather have her here and safe."
"We'd be dead."
"So? We're all gonna be dead soon anyways why does it fucking matter when. It's a lost cause in here, we all died the moment we stepped through the gates."
"John maybe you should go back." Jade said after a moment. "We can finish."
John picked up his shovel, hands shaking.
"No...we gotta finish this before the sun goes up."
"John?"
"Yeah?"
"The food didn't come today."
"I know."
"It isn't coming anymore, is it?"
John took a deep breath .
"It's over." Lose-lose. Terezi gave them what they could, but it wasn't enough. Jade slumped back on the couch. They had enough food saved to last them maybe a week or two, but not more.
"What do we do?" She asked no one in particular.
"We go West." Kanaya answered curtly.
"But-" John objected.
"We almost starved waiting for Terezi last time. This time there's no one to wait for. We're going to die here if we stay."
There was a long moment of silence. Then,
"I'm not going." Sollux sat in the back of the bottom bunk, almost out of view in the dark room.
"What?" Said John and Jade and Kanaya said "Look, I know it's dangerous but-"
"I'm next on the dying order, and I'm already blind. There's no point in me coming along. I'm just gonna slow you down."
"Sollux, you're not slowing us down. We're not leaving you, you're our family."
"Please, I already don't have enough energy to run. My breath is short and I get super dizzy and-I just don't want to be the cause of your guys' death."
"We'll take care of you! You're not gonna make us die," Jade said, looking concerned.
"Look, the West is awful, and worse right now. I guarantee that you're going to be running from fucking psychopaths ten times a day. I'd slow you down, and we'd get murdered within half an hour."
"Sollux please, you have to come. We're not leaving you here alone."
He took a deep, shaky breath.
"You don't have to. I'm leaving."
"Leaving?" John exclaimed. "This is quarantine city where the hell are you going?"
"Outside. Out of the city."
"What? You'll die. There's nothing but desert for a hundred miles at least."
"That's the point." There was another pause. Then Kanaya spoke up.
"Oh no. Fuck no. You are not ending this by killing yourself."
"Kanaya, please try to understand-"
"No!" She stood up, striding over and yanking Sollux out of the back of the bed and into view. "You aren't taking everything I sacrificed, what Terezi sacrificed and throwing it away!"
"I'm a lost cause don't you get that? Nothing I do is ever by choice! I'm in this fucking city because I had bad luck as a kid, I'm blind because some asshole picked a fight with me, I'm dying of something I never wanted or deserved. Please, I need to do something on my own terms. I need to end this right. I don't want to end up like Karkat."
"Don't you dare talk shit about him now or I swear-"
"He was pathetic!" Sollux yelled, stepping backwards out of Kanaya's grasp. "He was pathetic when he died, he lost all of his dignity in the course of two fucking weeks. I can't do that! I can't go out helpless and weak and-" He broke off, pushing the heels of his palms over his eye sockets.
"I've been thinking about this for a while. The guards beside the gates are gone. I'll walk along the road."
"Sollux, is this really preferable? You're going to scorch to death if you don't die of thirst first."
"When I die, it's going to be on my own terms. It's not going to be when I collapse in some filthy alleyway on the West side surrounded by other bodies. I need to do one thing in my life, have one choice that's completely mine."
Kanaya stared at him, scrawny and tall and defiant. She knew what she had to do. She reached out her arm and pulled Sollux into her chest, hugging him tightly. He was breathing quickly, arms crossed.
"I'm so sorry it turned out this way, kiddo." She spoke softly into his hair, adding on the nickname she'd given him when they'd met. He starting crying, softly, relaxing into her embrace. John and Jade quickly stood up, each wrapping their arms around Sollux and Kanaya. They stood, swaying slightly, breathing heavily. A few tears were shed.
"When are you leaving?" Kanaya asked.
"Now. Before I can't."
Sollux refused to take any food or water. "I don't want it to be drawn out." His hand was clasped tightly in Jade's as the small group walked towards the closest gate. The streets were empty, the night was warm and windy but the entire group shuddered.
The reached the black gate, looming but devoid of any life.
"We're here," John said, rasping slightly. His throat was incredibly dry. Tears were pouring down Jade's round cheeks, she stared upwards without saying anything.
"Is it open?" Sollux asked. He sounded casual but his voice wavered.
"No. We're gonna climb over."
A few short minutes later they stood on the empty pavement. The road stretched into the distance, straight with no interruptions. They were in a sea of black and purple sand, the sky an overarching splatter of stars. John took a deep breath, thinking this was the last time he would ever be outside the city.
Sollux stood, the wind rippling his hair. He squared his shoulders.
"I should go. Got a lot of ground to cover before the sun comes up. He turned around, half-grinning.
"This is it, I suppose." Jade, stifling a sniff, pulled him into a fierce hug. He returned it, bowing his head. John was next, hugging Sollux with as much effort as he could muster. He thought of their first encounter, a strange, bitter seventh grader with odd glasses and mismatched eyes. They had both grown so much since then. Kanaya was last. Her embrace lasted several seconds. A few words were whispered into Sollux's ear. He nodded. She let go, cradling his head and pressing her lips gently against his forehead. A tear dripped from Sollux's chin to the dry pavement. Kanaya spun him around, facing the horizon.
"It's a straight shot." She said. "Right to the end. You can do it." Sollux nodded.
"Until we meet again." He began to walk, a slow pace. Jade grabbed John and Kanaya's hands, clasping them tight. They stood until Sollux was just a silhouette, until he was swallowed up by the shadows and then they stood and watched the shifting and changing of the night for a long while.
Two weeks later
"Well that's it," Kanaya announced, moving away from the empty food cupboard. "We're out of food. We should leave pretty soon."
"What if we can't find food over there?"
"I don't know. We'll die probably. But leaving later gives us better odds. I'm going out, seeing if there's any weapons or clothes I can find before we leave. Be back in a couple hours. And when I get back, you two are getting proper violence training."
"What?"
"We're going to hell, John. You're gonna have to know how to kill people." Kanaya left, slamming the door behind her. John paused in sweeping the dusty floor, staring down at the old broom in his hands. Kill people? The thought of even having a weapon in his hand made him sick to his stomach. He had killed someone before, he thought, something he had been trying to desperately avoid to do. The future was looking incredibly grim.
Jade emerged from the bathroom. "It's gonna suck, isn't it?" John nodded. "I'm scared." She said. "It was nice here. Not ideal, but the best that we could've got."
"I'm scared too. Of dying, obviously but also of doing bad things. Just like, hearing from Terezi and Kanaya I just don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to end up needing to kill people to feel alive."
"I know. I just-" The door to the Bunker re-opened. Kanaya walked in, an incredulous expression on her face.
"Didn't you just leave?" John asked, starting to sweep again. "What-" He was interrupted by a shriek from Jade. Alarmed, he looked quickly from her to the door and what he saw made his legs drop out from under him.
Standing behind Kanaya looking fearful, tall and a hell of a lot older were Rose and Dave.
so...next chapter is the last chapter! it's been a hell of a ride, lasting sooo much longer than i initially planned. thanks to you guys for sticking with me! happy holidays!