Chapter 37

A Captive Audience

Over six weeks later I was finally free of the accursed cast that had held my limb prisoner. Still wobbly on my weakened leg it would be a while before I could rush around completely carefree. It felt good to sit out on the porch in the shade and watch the sunlight beaming down on the flowers. Their pretty heads had blossomed despite Gaara uprooting them and I felt content.

It seemed a lot had happened during my stint in hospital. The civilian prisoners of the Mist village had been tried by a committee. Members of the committee had obviously included Grandma Rooba and Gaara. To ensure fairness and an objective view, evidence was heard by a guest judge from the Land of Lightning. Tsunade allowed Naruto to stay a little longer to represent the Leaf on my behalf. A council member from Iwagakure had travelled especially to Suna for the occasion. But funnily enough the Mizukage declined the invitation to attend the trial at all.

Temari was keeping me company and took a measured sip of tea from her cup. It was particularly hot this afternoon with the heat rising up from the ground. I was losing track of the seasons in this never ending blaze of sunshine that surrounded the desert lands. I remembered first arriving at some point in the spring. Her long lashes flicked open when I released a sigh.

"Yaz," she said with a critical tone. "However cruel it may seem death simplifies everything. Think about it, Suna can't do right for doing wrong in this situation. Even the people are divided. We've got demands for immediate retribution on one side and pacifists on the other."

"Yeah," I understood perfectly what she was saying. "It's just unfair that's all."

"What is?" Temari smirked with intrigue and came a little closer.

"In the end a verdict was declared - that the Mist civilians were guilty, right? We all knew that, we didn't need some judge from Kumogakure to confirm it. He was supposed to help the Kage decide on a punishment not throw it back at him, like some hot potato!"

Temari raised a blond eyebrow and continued to smile. There were times when I looked at the Kazekage's sister and wished that I possessed some of that inner confidence. Without the scowls and sarcastic comments designed exclusively to intimidate, Temari was actually 'ok' maybe even close to normal. I'd also noticed that she was incredibly beautiful when she was open.

"There were only ever two options available: if they're executed their wives and children grieve for their passing. If we set them free they'll be killed anyway for their failure. Not even the judge could be certain that the Mizukage would allow the men to return to their families in peace. But the judge did discuss that with Gaara, you know." She placed the cup back onto the tray, "That's probably why he wants to take the daimyo up on his offer. It'll give him some space to think things through and make a decision."

I nodded gently, "Hope so, I think a decision like that would be enough to drive me crazy!"

The eyes became sly slits as she leaned forward and whispered, "That's why you're not the Kage."

As I pulled a tongue the coach from Konoha finally arrived. It was made from beech wood, not too grand but enough to get someone from A to B. To be honest I was glad that Master Homura had taken heed of my letter and attempted to send an inconspicuous transport. I felt the two magnificent chocolate brown mustangs were perhaps a little overkill. The driver waved and I suddenly realised, it was Torao.

"Hello there Ambassador, you weren't held to ransom then?" He laughed with friendly cheer I couldn't help but grin back.

"No, not this time, it's good to see you well. How are things at home?"

"Same old, same old," he jumped down from the coach. As he made his way towards me his wobbly belly jiggled and shook. "I was asked to pass these onto you."

I looked at the letter and immediately recognised Naoki's disjointed writing. The package Tarao presented was wrapped securely in brown paper and labelled with my mother's precise and refined hand. I took the letter and dumped the box onto the porch as I made my way towards the transport. Temari looked from the package and back to me.

"Hey!" she called out. "Aren't you even going to open it?" I didn't answer and heaved myself inside the dim cabin. As the door slammed shut and Torao gave a cry to the horses, I felt the carriage lurch forward and then I was away.

The interior decor of the carriage was burgundy velvet with cushions placed neatly in a row. The two small windows either side allowed a little light and air to enter, although in the hot climate more of both might have been welcome. The door handles and window hinges were brass and polished to a high shine. An ugly carving of a lion's head was centred on the wall nearest to the driver. Its large hollow eyes were disturbing to look at. The sculpture's mane was jagged and painted black, with the face highlighted with a violent blood red. The jaws of the beast were wide open showing a hungry set of sharp teeth. I wasn't sure whether to sit under the lion so as to avoid staring at it for the journey or to put up with it!

We paused just outside the Ivory Tower for a few moments. I tore at the top of the envelope in short jagged rips with my thumb until the contents were released. Naoki had been busy training hard at the ninja academy. He talked about his sensei, a man known as Iruka and the forthcoming final exams. I knew full well it was too soon for Naoki to attend, but that probably wouldn't curb his enthusiasm for going on about it!

He'd written about the changing colours of the autumn trees in Konoha. It was pleasant to be reminded about the more normal aspects of life in the Leaf village. Naoki then went on to a thorny subject: mother. He asked if I might find it in me to forgive her. The following questions centred on why I had ignored her letters and refused to respond. He felt that mother had seen the error of her ways and was desperate to make contact. He said that she had literally turned over a new leaf and was trying to change for the better. She was supportive of Naoki's ambitions to become a ninja and no longer obsessed about her reputation. Life in the family home was much more relaxed and calm, he said.

I folded the letter back together and tucked the envelope inside my robes. There was a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart combined with a lump in my throat. I wasn't quite sure what this conflict in feelings was trying to tell me. I wanted to believe what he had written. There was however a nagging sense of doubt that mother was simply using Naoki to get to me. What she had said was unforgivable. I had seen the menace and hate in her eyes when I accused her of the affair. The fact that she couldn't tell the truth even when found out; the way that she had twisted everything around to make it my fault. I couldn't just accept that she would change so quickly and wish to be reconciled. And anyway I couldn't return home just yet there was the festival to consider. There was nowhere for me to live back in Konoha as mother's house was out of the question. What exactly could I do even if I did go back?

I wish I'd brought that package, the thought stabbed at me.

The door suddenly opened and Gaara stepped inside dressed in full Kazekage attire. I could see faintly that the length of the long flowing white robes had been altered by a skilled seamstress. His thin body however was lost in the tent of material, which only served to further emphasise that he was an adolescent rather than a man. He was carrying a large white hat trimmed with green. I nodded my head in a greeting, but as he sat down he didn't say a word.

It felt strange to leave Sunagakure behind and travel towards the more habitable parts of the Wind Country. The village where the daimyo resided was due south of Suna nestled next to a shipping port. To the east separated only by the Great Sea was the Tea Country. This was the furthest I'd ever been away from home. I didn't know if this was Gaara's first time in the region, he wasn't interested in any of the facts and figures that Shiro had researched for me.

In my head I began rehearsing an opening conversation with the daimyo – it was going to be difficult. I could just see his face when presented with two teenagers; one, the Kazekage of his hidden village and the other an ambassador of an allied country. What if the guards didn't believe us and refused entry?

"I placed you in a difficult position with your own Hokage."

Because he was so quiet I had briefly forgotten that Gaara was there.I sat up straight and saw how sad and distant his eyes were gazing out the coach window.

"Well, she's not exactly happy about the situation; I used a jutsu that was forbidden and my safety after the attempted assassination has been put into question – again."

It seemed a long time ago when Temari was attacked by the swordsman but I could still recall how terrified I'd felt. Knowing that someone was out there with the sole intention of taking your life was not something that could be laughed off. To me, I was still Yasu – an ordinary person. In reality I was the Ambassador of Konohgakure, and despite my personal beliefs that I had very little importance or power, there were those that disagreed. The assassins saw my death as a way of gaining attention and scoring points. It was still difficult for me not to take this personally.

"Have you remembered anything about your attacker?" He closed his eyes so they became two complete black spots.

"I know who I don't want it to be," my hands came together protectively.

"You refuse to say his name, even now?"

I scowled. I'd been looking forward to a contemplative trip with my taciturn companion; of all the times to strike up a conversation, and of all the things to talk about, why did he have to pick on this?

"Saying his name is bad luck," I said tartly.

"Nonsense," the Kazekage immediately dismissed my argument. I sighed, why would anyone bother to assassinate me when even the Kage thinks I'm an idiot? At this point an adult would probably turn around and say, you can't talk to me like that. I just couldn't take myself that seriously and yet I knew that I should be.

"You don't understand..." my voice lowered. "If it was him I wish that I could just smash his head open, and stomp on his glasses like a ninja should be able to. I think about what he did to Matron Shun and it fills me with anger. I can't help how I react, he toys with people."

"More excuses for a lack of ability to suppress emotions."

I held my tongue – just. We were about to descend upon a group of officials to try and negotiate plans for additional commerce and financial backing. It would do no good to be arguing amongst ourselves. I kept telling myself this over and over but it wasn't helping. I took the long sleeve of my emerald green dress and wrapped it in my fingers. Crushing and squeezing the soft fabric brought a little relief. I decided it was better not to answer back and concentrate instead on what I was going to say to the daimyo when the opportunity arrived.

"Have you considered a course of meditation to control your emotions?" he asked softly.

Why are you pushing me? I thought dully and began to pull and twist the other sleeve of my dress.

The coach had suddenly become a lot smaller. As the question lingered between us I tried to simply pretend that we hadn't spoken. But Gaara was waiting, and if there was one thing I knew that the Kazekage was good at, it was waiting. After all he stayed up every night watching the moon, waiting for the sunrise to come.

I pretended to read my notes, stared at the lion on the opposite wall, looked out the window, played with the hem of my dress and he was still waiting. What was maddening throughout was the evil smirk creeping across his face. He knew I hated long silences more than anything - it made me uncomfortable. I was beginning to resent being cooped up in here with the only escape being an undignified leap from the coach door.

"I've told you before I can't just switch off and become a killing machine," I growled.

He wrongly took this an as invitation to continue the conversation. "As a nurse in an emergency situation, surrounded by blood and death, you were able to continue your duties without pause?"

"If you can't perform under pressure patients die. They rely on you to keep control and take care of them in their most vulnerable state. You can't just freeze up!"

"I see," he said deliberately and I was aware of the full focus of his attention on me as he made the next point. "Strange, how you separate your ninja training and nurse role so easily when they have many similarities. To freeze at a crucial moment and a patient could die. To freeze in battle and your own life could end. Surely, the pose and calm that you employ on a ward could be transferred to the field?"

"Not with that man," I hissed, refusing to make eye contact.

"You speak of Yakushi as though he is a phantom, impervious to attack, yet you have seen him bleed and come to harm."

With an exasperated huff I turned away, "I can't explain why I act the way I do." I tried to think logically, come up with a reason that would silence him. "It's like he gets into my head and then I can't do anything about it!" The smirk was still there and I realised that I was losing the debate. "Look, I'd rather not discuss this anymore."

But he chose to ignore my warnings, "Yakushi is a deceptive ninja that preys upon emotion. His ability to manipulate collated data to his advantage is quite disturbing."

"Shouldn't we think of ways to persuade the daimyo to help Suna?"

"Despite all this," he continued with determination. "He is only able to direct such tactics against those who think too deeply about his words."

"You mean people like me," I accused him.

"If you do not face the truth Ambassador Katashi, the Sound ninja will be the death of you."

"Good, one less hassle for you to worry about!" I said with a mordant air before regaining my wits. I clamped my mouth shut and wished the ground would swallow me whole. Oh God, why did I say that? We remained in silence my stormy blue eyes concealing a look that could kill by directing it towards the outside world.

As we came to the last leg of the journey I began to feel angry at myself for taking part in such immature antics. What a stupid throw away comment to make and all because I'd lost my temper. I'd forgotten my place and probably just offended one of Konoha's most powerful allies. Again, I wondered why Master Homura felt that I could do this job well!

"That was rude and unnecessary, I apologise." I bowed my head out of respect, trying to glean any sense of pride that I had left.

Gaara's head turned, "at the hospital you encouraged me to share my problems and to ask for help." He looked thoughtfully at me for a moment before asking, "Can you not follow your own advice?"

My eyes narrowed, "I thought you were criticising me again for being weak."

"I was," he confirmed plainly and my nose screwed up.

"That isn't helpful..." I replied shortly.

"Pointing out the truth is not helpful?"

I could feel a ridiculous laugh threatening to burst from me as I realised his question was a genuine one. His green eyes were wide with innocence, it was the first time I knew that he wasn't deliberately trying to wind me up.

"Sometimes when you tell the truth so bluntly it can hurt my feelings," I tried to explain. "There are different ways to tell the truth and for some people being straight and direct is definitely the best option. I'm not saying don't be honest; but if there's something I need to address or think about calling me weak is not going to achieve the desired effect!"

"I don't understand." Gaara frowned crossing his arms.

"Okay," I smiled. "There was a story my father used to..." I stopped for a moment hit by a rush of sadness. "Erm," I faltered. Many times I had shared with Gaara the stories that father told me when I was very young. It usually brought such happiness when I could pass on his wisdom by word of mouth. There was something very special about recalling a tale without reading from a dusty piece of parchment.

"Go on," he pressed. The Kage had developed a taste for folktales, taking them in, understanding what they meant. I had never seen anyone so hungry to hear foreign stories from other lands. For someone as serious and sober as he, I found myself quite bewildered. I couldn't understand why Gaara gave the same intense attention to these flights of fantasy, as he did to his own training. There were times when he looked almost afraid that a single lack of focus may result in missing something of great value. But he was an intelligent person - not that I would ever say that much in public. Surely he knew that these riddles, myths and fables were just a bit of fun?

"The Sun and the Wind were looking down at the world below." I began pointing out the coach towards the blue sky. "One day they saw a man wearing a heavy fur trimmed cloak walking through the fields. The Wind made a bet with the Sun that he could make the man remove his cloak first. The Sun agreed and watched as the Wind began to blow a chilly breeze. The man shivered and buttoned up his robe securely. The Wind blew harder and the man walked faster. The Wind blew harder still and the man pulled the cloak more tightly around him. The Wind continued to blow more and more fiercely but the man refused to remove his cloak. Eventually the Wind ran out of breath and defeated went back to the Sun.

The Wind grumbled saying that the man would never remove his cloak. The Sun however came out of the clouds and shone down on the man. At first the man looked cautiously at the sky and then continued walking. As time passed on however the Sun's rays became too warm and he removed the cloak. The Sun returned to the Wind who was struck with awe. When the Wind asked how he managed the task, the Sun simply reminded him that kindness effects more than severity."

When I had finished Gaara reflected on the story. His forehead furrowed in wrinkles of concentration. After a short while he spoke, "To use force – severity, when unnecessary will impede progress. Alternative ways will achieve the same goal by using less aggressive means. Is this a correct interpretation of the moral?"

"You've got it." I clapped and then immediately stopped due to his disapproving glare. He began staring at me strangely before a shriek came from the window. In alarm I spun around, outside a sea of white wings took flight.

"Weclome to Minatomachi!" Tarao's voice called from above us.