Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm only borrowing them for the summer. Andrew Marlowe is doing a spectacular job. Way better than I could ever do.

And All The Mornings Ever After

Chapter 37 – Them's Ma Boys

Kate closed the door quietly behind her and leant back against it, summoning the energy and the words to put her little family back together again.

She looked out across the loft. The sun was streaming in through the windows on the far wall, warm shafts of light catching specks of dust floating through the air, glittering as they tumbled and fell towards the floor only to rise up again on an invisible current. This vista was so peaceful, in inverse proportion to the tension she could feel waiting for her on the other side of the open plan living space. And in that moment she wished for only one thing – to be outside in the fresh air, walking with Castle through the streets, The Park, anywhere that wasn't here: a reminder of all she had failed to achieve, and all that she had broken in trying.

But Kate Beckett was not a quitter, so she gathered her strength, armed herself with her arguments, and pushed off the front door with the curve of her spine, the splay of her hands, and a drive to do the right thing.

Castle was hovering at the head of the table in typical mediator position, not seated, just leaning forward with his strong hands planted on the polished wooden surface as he watched over their two silent friends. His jaw was set firm, but Kate could see the exhaustion in his eyes and the faint sheen of sweat on his skin as he fought off this cold or bug or whatever it was that was making him weak and feverish.

Her heart twisted as she watched him. The desire to care for him in the most basic of ways was so new and fresh to her, and so uncharacteristic that it made her pause, caused her to want to reach out to him, to delay this little summit that had landed on their doorstep just so that she could look after her partner above and beyond all else.

And out of nowhere, it suddenly struck her that this must be how Castle felt, how he'd been feeling about her for such a terribly long time. This was all the coffees and the food, the family dinners, the little gifts, the grand gestures and the smiles, the flowers and the warmth, his precious time and every other kindness, all wrapped up in one heart tugging feeling made manifest. This was love and so much more. This was what they meant to one another now, and it choked her, and thrilled her, and she wanted to grab hold of his hand and drag him somewhere private just to tell him…I feel it too, I do. Those four years of waiting, they weren't in vain. I see you now, through the same lens that you see me, and it's wondrous. A prism of colored light that refracts my heart into a million sparkling pieces, and every one belongs to you.

Castle looked up from his embedded position and smiled at her, his eyes telegraphing 'courage Kate', and 'you've got this, I know you do'. So she boxed up her joy for later, and she made her way over to her boys with the singular thought of trying her best, apologies coating her lips, ready to break free.

"Beckett, what are we doin' here? This is stupid?" growled Esposito once she reached them. "And you left him in charge?" he asked, jerking his finger towards Castle. "You're out. Done, remember? Means so's our boy here. So, I'm gonna ask you again, what're we doing here?" he repeated gruffly.

Kate fought down the urge to scream. Sure this situation was ultimately her fault, but arghhh, stubborn, bullheaded men!

"First of all," she said as calmly as she could muster, "Can I just remind you that we are all guests in Castle's home. So, you don't get to yell, or throw things, and you certainly do not get to insult the man when he's standing right there in front of you."

Esposito just stared back at her, defiantly, no response to her statement showing on his face.

"And, second of all, can I point out that you are in fact still sitting here. So, despite all your righteous indignation, Espo, there must be some reason you stuck around. Am I right?"

He looked down at the table this time, but remained seated and sullenly silent.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Now I need a quick word with my partner, and then…"

Esposito snorted at the word 'partner', and though she paused briefly, Kate ultimately ignored his interruption and carried on.

"And then we can thrash this thing out. I will get you coffee if you promise to drink it. Any throwing of hot liquids and your privileges will be revoked," she joked, hoping to ease the tension.

No one laughed. So Kate sighed and walked away, beckoning her partner to follow her to his office.

"Rick, I'm so sorry about all of this," she sighed, leaning back on the edge of his desk. You don't look so great, are you…I mean, do you want to…"

She reached up to palm his cheek affectionately and he leaned into her touch.

"Thanks for the compliment," said Castle, wiggling his eyebrows comically and immediately breaking the tension. "I know you want me, 'cause it's written all over your face. So don't deny it, Beckett," he teased.

Kate smiled, slow and easy, and shook her head as she watched him with twinkling eyes, his chest swelling with pride at how he'd handled her, made her lose her train of thought, and robbed her, yes, robbed her of the power of speech again.

"If I say you look hot, and it works both ways in this instance, am I forgiven?" she asked, standing on tiptoe to kiss his warm cheek, her hands pressed against his chest for balance.

"Forgiven?" he asked in puzzlement, loosely holding her elbows to keep her close.

"For bringing this stress into your home."

"Hey, this is not your fault. If they're too knuckled headed to sort this out for themselves then we help them. We, Kate. Both of us. And on that point, you made a factual error in your opening statement, Counselor."

Kate smiled at his audacity.

"Oh, yeah? Everyone's a critic these days. So, what are you, counsel for the defense now?"

"And go up against you?" snorted Castle. "I think not. Might be reckless, but I'm not dumb."

"So what was this mistake?"

"You said that you were all guests in my home."

"Yes, and?"

"You included yourself in that grouping. You're not a guest here, Kate. I don't want you to think like that. I've said it before, but it clearly bears repeating. I want you to treat my home like it's your own, and that includes answering the door, and making coffee, feeding my daughter, having friends over, or doing laundry, and definitely making love to this ruggedly handsome guy who also lives here," he said, walking his fingers around her sides to draw her closer.

"You want me to have sex with your doorman?" Kate fired back, dissolving into gales of laughter when Castle grabbed her and lunged for her neck.

She fought him off eventually, squirming out of his grasp.

"Yeah, you're hot, and sweaty, and sick, my man," she said, feeling his forehead.

"Quit flirting with me, Kate," moaned Castle in mock frustration, teasing another giggle from her.

"Okay, so you did it again. You distracted me from them, and I'm grateful. But I really do have something serious to say to you."

"Uh huh? I'm not going to like this, am I?" he asked, sobering up for a moment.

"I'm not sure. But we're being honest, so… Look, I have to tell them that I'm thinking about trying for reinstatement, otherwise, what the hell right do I have to force them to be friends, let alone work together? And I know we haven't had a chance to discuss this properly first. What it means, how you feel about it…hell, how I feel about it. So, can you just go with me on this for now, and I promise we'll talk about it tonight. Properly."

"Kate, that you'd even ask me that shows just how far we've come. I trust your judgment. I just hope those two appreciate the lengths you're going to for them."

She breathed a sigh of relief, and drew Castle to her for an all too brief hug.

"Shall we?" she asked, tipping her head back towards the living room.

"Do we have to?" whined Castle, tugging on her hand to hold her back. "Maybe we can hide out in the bedroom and they'll fix it themselves."

Kate laughed quietly, not altogether averse to his suggestion.

"How long have you known Esposito? I've never met a more stubborn guy. And when he gets going, he makes Gates look like a pussycat. Just look at what he did to poor Lanie, and she's no pushover."

"Got that right."

"Shhh," said Kate, pressing her fingers to Castle's lips, her free hand curling round his wrist. "You hear that?"

"What?"

"That. There. I think I heard voices," whispered Kate.

"You know that's one of the early signs of madness, right?"

Kate raised an eyebrow at him, and chewed on her lip, tilting her head to concentrate on listening.

"Ooo, yeah. Oooo again. There. I heard it," said Castle, listening with her now.

"Shhhh," they giggled, clutching at one another as they edged closer to the door trying to hear what was going on out in the living room.

"So, what do you think they're doing in there?" Ryan eventually asked, breaking the stony silence. His eyes slid up from where he'd been fiddling with his wedding ring to tentatively look at his partner.

Esposito's lips quirked ever so slightly, a reflexive response already on them, ready to spill forth until he caught it.

"Javi?" he tried again, his pale blue eyes anxious and serious. "This is embarrassing enough as it is. Mom and dad in there whispering, and us out here behaving like a couple of kids on a time out."

Esposito snorted. "Not my fault you're such a tattletale."

"Fine, if that's what you think. Call me names, kick my ass, whatever it takes, man. But we've got to sort this out."

"Oh yeah? Why's that? 'Cause from what I hear you're Gates' new best boy, and she's got a couple of shiny new partners all lined up for you, bro. So, what they hell do you need me for?" he growled, scraping his chair back from the table to go and refill his coffee cup.

"Be mad at me, Javi, but stop shutting me down. This isn't about us anymore. This is about Beckett. And I stand by what I did the other day, 'cause she's alive because of it. You can call me a snitch, a rat, whatever. Sticks and stones, man. But this is about her and it's about them. You gonna walk away from that? All the times she had our backs? We were a team, a family, just like she said. And she needs us on this, all of us, working together."

"What're you talking about?" Esposito's interest was piqued.

"Lanie didn't tell you?"

"Lanie and me…" he shook his head.

"Jesus, man. Get it together. You gonna piss everyone off?"

"What the hell business is it of yours?" Esposito snapped.

"Beckett. Beckett is our business. Cole Maddox killed again. The guy's on the move and he's still a damn ghost. He left her to die, hanging from that ledge, and the thought that maybe if I'd waited to act, or...or didn't that day, it haunts me, man. Every night when I close my eyes, I…I feel myself reaching for her, and I grasp her wrist, but her hand slips through mine, and…and there are nights when I don't make it in time, or I lose my grip on her and then she's falling, falling, Javi. You know what that's like? To relive that every night?"

Ryan put his head in his hands and then scrubbed them over his face, rocking forward over his knees.

"Yeah, well, you got to play hero, saved the girl. So what's the big deal?" said Esposito, a little less gruffly.

"The big deal is that I nearly did nothing. Alright?" said Ryan, sounding panicked at his confession, even after the fact. "When you guys left the Twelfth I was worried, okay. So I called Castle. But he didn't answer his phone. And I nearly gave up right there. Almost sat on my ass and just monitored Maddox's damn GPS, like you asked."

Castle blanched at Kevin's words. He stepped away from the open bookshelf, and then he pulled his phone from his pocket and stared at it, thumbed up the recent call list, and closed his eyes when it all came flooding back to him. The call from the Twelfth, right before he left for Alexis' graduation - he'd assumed it was Kate calling, so he'd…rejected…the word jarred in his brain. Kate and rejected should never have appeared in the same universe, never mind the same sentence. A cold shiver passed down his spine, raising the hairs on his arms. He only opened his eyes again when he felt Kate's hand on his chilled skin.

"Whatever that was, it's done, Castle. We've moved on. You weren't the only one who made mistakes that day. Let it go," she whispered softly, brushing her thumb over his chin.

Castle nodded, but his chest still felt tight, guilt and panic twisting his insides like a tourniquet.

Outside, Ryan continued.

"Don't you see? If I hadn't gone to Gates, Beckett would be dead by now for sure, and we'd be helping Castle carry her coffin to a graveside, watching her dad accept the flag, Javi. Is that what you would have wanted? Is your pride and this screwy notion you have of loyalty really worth that? Dying for? 'Cause I thought loyalty was about doing the right thing, Javier. No matter how hard, you do it because you care, and because it's the right thing to do."

"You said they need us," said Esposito after a minute's thoughtful silence. "What did you mean?"

"Why'd Lanie tell you she was coming over here today?"

"To give Beckett the once over, check her injuries. Why?"

"Cause she lied to you, Javi. She's was coming here to bring us the autopsy report on a John Doe we think was murdered by Cole Maddox a few nights ago. Wealthy guy, lived on the Upper East Side. Bullet to the head, 9mm, point blank. No bullet recovered at the scene so far."

"Robbery?"

"Safe unlocked, cash and jewelry left inside."

"How'd you know it was Maddox?"

"CSU found a fingerprint on the underside of the desk lamp. They think Maddox lay in wait for this guy, made him handover whatever was in that safe, and then shot him in the head. Prints matched the ones we pulled from Montgomery's wedding album. The one you and Beckett found in Maddox's room at the Rosslyn Hotel."

"And you think this is connected to Beckett's shooting, how?"

"I'll let Castle explain that to you."

"Castle?"

"Uh, yeah. Seems he's been working the case behind our backs for about a year. Big fancy murder board and everything."

Javi laughed for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"No kidding? That guy doesn't do anything by halves. Shoulda known there'd be a gadget in there somewhere. How'd Beckett take it?"

"You saw him. Still has all his vital organs. But I get the feeling it was touch and go for a while. Castle's pretty worried this guy and whoever hired him aren't gonna stop until they silence her for good."

"And what do you think?"

"Nothing would surprise me. You've seen Maddox in action. You think he's going to go to all that trouble and then just walk away?"

"And they really want our help?"

"Beckett's already talking about coming back, talking to Gates, doing it by the book this time. Finish it for good."

"You believe that?"

"They have too much to lose this time. It isn't just about her anymore. Jenny thinks there'll be wedding bells before the end of the year, and she's never wrong about this stuff, believe me," said Ryan, gossiping like an old woman.

"Speaking of," replied Esposito, looking around the loft. "Where are those two anyway?"

"You don't think they're…?" suggested Ryan, jerking his head towards Castle's bedroom.

"Nah," they both chimed, locking eyes at the sudden reappearance of their familiar, easy banter.

Esposito paused, rubbed his hand over his chin, a glint of humor back in his eyes.

"So?" asked Ryan, holding out his hand to his partner across Castle's dining room table. "You in, bro?"

A/N: So, this took a slightly different direction than I was expecting. Be good to hear what you thought. Happy Thursday guys. Liv