Many reader's wanted Tobias's version of the fight scene from the last chapter… It wasn't in the plan but seeing things from both sides can be interesting…especially with these two yahoos!
Rated: MA
Chapter 37 - Foolishness
Zeke's POV: Tuesday
I crash onto our bed at 5:00 AM after being on duty for nine hours. Shauna is still only speaking to me in itty bitty sentences. It's driving me crazy because she usually screams, I apologize, and we're all good. This has seriously gotten to her.
I have my suspicions about why… She's never had a group of girlfriends, and my mind is telling me she was pretty excited it, and this break-up shit has put a wrench in things. She's pretty torn… I know that much. She is one loyal lady and blunt as shit, so tiptoeing around sensitive issues is not her style. And right now, we are all tip toeing the hell out of…things.
You see, Shauna's not the stereotypical girly type. I love that about her. She's straight forward, completely disinterested in drama, smart, athletic, funny…and so damned hot. I hit the jackpot!
I wanted Four's help with picking out a ring… He knows her better than most. But I suppose I could ask Uri… Nah… He can still barely say the word 'girlfriend.'
Sadly…Four is not the prime candidate to help me. But I've been wrong about a lot of shit lately…
Flashback:
After witnessing the FourTris street brawl…
Did they even know how many people saw that? And what they sounded like? Two drunk assholes! Stumbling like fools… He almost fell on her, and she pathetically tried to push him away…
…and hearing Four's words. "Did you ever think…maybe this has nothin' ta do with you?! Go back…to the be-ginn-ing! Day…motherfucking…one! Every…damned moment!... And do the…fucking…math, Beatrice!"
"Beatrice?" Shauna practically whispers.
"Must be her full name?" Will suggests.
We all just kind of stand there…silent, as Tris passes us to go back in the bar giving us an unpleasant "What the hell are you guys looking at?!"
It's a question better left unanswered.
"Jesus, Zeke! You were supposed to give him enough drinks to loosen him up a bit, not to get him drunk!"
"I tried! Just getting him to come out with us was a near impossibility!"
"How did you talk him into it?" She stares at me unsure of my role in this scenario.
"Guilt tripped him for trying to kill Uriah."
"Hmm…" She shrugs her shoulders. "Not a bad strategy… So you weren't feeding him drinks?"
"No need. He actually told the bartender to leave the bottle… "
"He's been drinking…a lot, lately," Will adds. "And…I'm not sure, but I think he's sleeping at the office…"
"What?" Shauna asks confusedly.
"The Senior Executive offices are equipped for overnights. They're almost like hotel rooms… He walks out of his office freshly showered and ready to…be Four, nearly every morning…. Yeah, and um…I had to put him to bed the other night…"
"Are you kidding?"
"Shauna, he was so hammered he didn't even know I was there… So, I pulled out the sofa bed and urged him onto it… That was not an easy task."
"Been there." Many times…
"He dropped his phone… And uh… He was looking at pictures of him and Tris. The one on the screen… Yeah, I didn't need to see that…"
"What the hell, William? You didn't think to clue any of us in on this?" I ask in frustration.
"I am so sick of this shit! I am between a rock and a hard place! Four is my friend and boss, and my girlfriend is Tris's best friend…and I consider Tris a friend as well. I have no fucking idea what to do…or say… What's private?! What's public?! What's the truth!? What's a lie!? Son of a bitch!—"
"Will! Look at me. We are all in the same boat here and although Christina and Marlene have proclaimed themselves to be 'Team Tris…'" She rolls her eyes. "…the more rational of us have decided we are 'Team Get-to-the-bottom-of-this-shit.'… What are your feelings on this subject?"
"I'm on 'Team I'm-sick-of-this-shit.'"
"Good enough for me…" She nods. "Where did he go anyway?"
"Uri followed him." Marlene steps out onto the sidewalk ."They're at some random bar about four blocks down called Danny's. Chris and I are gonna take Tris home before the bartender does."
"Zeke?" Shauna looks at me with wide annoyed eyes as she tilts her head in the direction Four left in.
"Hmmm? Oh…yeah. I'll make sure he gets home—"
"WE…WE…will make sure he gets home. He doesn't get to sleep with any more bartenders!...Now let's go!... Will? You comin'?"
"I'm gonna go to Christina's place. Good luck with that one!"
Shauna and I head in the direction of the random bar and make it there in record time, thanks to Shauna's power walking… She doesn't really want to be around me.
"Oh…great!" Four announces when he sees us enter the small dive bar. "The gang's all here!"
"Not really," Shauna comments quietly.
"So," I clap my hands, "let's get outta here—"
"What the…hell…were you guys thinking?!... That I would see Tris with a fuckin' halo all swirlin' over her head and just toss her over my shoulder to go screw in a storage closet?!"
"That would have been the ideal outcome, yes."
"Well, Shauna…"ideal" is some made up word by some group of assholes! The ones whose writes the words for a living… Prob'ly sittin' in front of the Oxford English fuckin' Dictionary and just…bein' assholes…makin' shit up—"
"Okay, my friend. Time to go home. Where's Uriah?"
"Fuck if I know."
"Here," Uriah states flatly from a table in the corner. He doesn't lift his eyes from his phone.
Four turns in his bar stool. "When the fuck did you get here?"
"Followed ya."
"There's somethin' wrong with your idiot brother," he whispers in my ear…loudly.
"From my perspective, he's the lesser idiot among the three of you."
"Well, I don't give a rat's ass about your perspective—"
"Let's go, Four!... She will kick your ass…"
"Yeah," he agrees, Thank the Lord. "That would be twice in one day… Not up for it…"
We walk slowly out of the bar, making sure Four doesn't hit any tables.
"I have to say…Tris was pretty awesome—"
"-She was completely awesome! She's so…friggin' sexy. But then I hadta go an be a dick…. And make fun of cancer!—"
"You didn't make fun of cancer…." Shauna reassures him with a seriously annoyed expression.
"I tried to be mean…and I ended up being mean to cancer…"
"Again, you weren't mean to cancer."
"But…it was kind of a low blow to Tris… " I flag down a cab. "Sorry, man."
"Please for the love of God do NOT use the words 'blow' and 'Tris' in the same sentence…" he whines putting his head in his hands as Shauna pushes him into the back seat.
Turns out Shauna, myself and the cab driver can't hold it in and we bust up laughing.
"Yeah, yeah, assholes. Laugh at my expense…"
"We can't help it…sexual frustration has never been something you were inclined to bitch about!"
"That's because he's never had to experience it, baby."
"No thanks to you." Shit!
"Not entirely true… All this man has to do is look at a woman sideways and they come runnin'! In fact, that's probably your secret…you look at a woman, she has an orgasm and then she can't stay away!" Shauna is giving me a death stare. "What?!"
"Not Tris… nope… My goal was three times! Three times! Never achieved it… S'probly another reason she hates me… Big disappointment in the sack." If not making a chick come three times is a disappointment…then I have some major prioritizing to do in the bedroom!
"That's not the word on the street," Shauna quips.
"What the hell, Shauna?!" Not cool!
"Hey…I'm only repeating what some of his other less-wise choices have said—"
"I don't give a shit what they say…. Hey, Shaunie-Banauwnie… Did Tris ever say anything…? Ya know?"
"#1, don't call me that…ever. #2, no, she didn't."
He sighs "Cuz I pro'ly…sucked. Hey, that can't be all true… I got her to scream on several—"
"Enough! This doesn't feel right, Mr. TMI!" I say in all seriousness…surprising myself.
"Yeah, you're gonna regret this shit tomorrow!"
"Well, I've already joined the fucking club! The Regret Club… I am the president…"
"And what is it exactly that you regret, Four?" Here she goes…
"You're tryin' ta get me ta say I regret breakin' up with Tris. But, the fucking truth is…I don't! I hate that I broke…her… That I broke up with her… But regret…not the proper word. Hate it… I hate it…"
"If you hate it, why did you do it?"
He stares out the window…heading off into Four Land.
"Is it Marcus?" I straight up ask.
"Who's Marcus?"
"His fucknut of a father."
"Ha! Tris called some asshole a fucknut the first night we met…"
He stares out the window again, shaking his head. I can tell he wants to say something.
Shauna tries to aid his efforts. "Four?"
"That's what I regret."
"What?"
"Fuck, Shauna…I wish I had never met her."
"You don't mean that."
"Then she'd be fine… Because she never woulda met me! I am the worst thing she has ever done! Fuck! Maybe she is stupid!"
"Four."
"What?" he asks as if he didn't completely insult the woman he obviously stills loves. "She decided I was a good idea?! I am a total dick… I'm a type-A ass fuck… I'm not funny…-"
"I think you're pretty funny!"
"I agree… It's in you, man."
"I don't have a family—"
"Yes, you do… And I take serious offense to that."
"Someday…she'd want…midgets—"
"I think the P.C. term is "little people"…. And what the hell?! They're no different than you or I! Why the hell would Tris want a little person? They're not pets, man!"
"What the fuck're you talking about—"
"Jesus…Zeke! He's talking about kids!"
"Oh."
"Dude…are you drunk?!" Is he seriously asking me that? "I don't care. Seriously…I would probably hate my own smaller versions of me. And then my Tris would hate me—"
"Don't call her that."
"Well, Shaunie…that's what she is…" He looks out the window and goes off into his own world. "…to me."
Shauna gives me a pouty lip as we watch him plop his head on the window and pass out. We sit in silence until the cabbie pulls up in front of his building.
"I wonder how much he drank?" Shauna whispers to me.
"Evenin' Gregory, you fuckin' piece a shit…"
"Mr. Eaton."
"Yeah… A lot. But…I've seen him worse. At least he's speaking clearly-ish."
"I miss fun drunk Four."
"I can fucking hear you…" He rips his arm away from my grip as we get on the elevator. "And I don't need your help. Especially not yours, Ezequiel!"
'What the hell did I—"
"Setting me up for a hook-up… Fucking bootie call bullshit… I saw it comin' from a 1000 miles away… I may as well have been in…Cambodia… Cuz I still woulda seen it comin'."
"You…knew?!"
"Yep! And it definitely worked out in my favor… Okay, there was a bit of a detour. But I handled it…like a champ, I must say—"
"I bet you did," Shauna spits. "So much for how much you love Tris, huh?"
"You have no fucking idea what you're talking about—"
"Cool it, Four."
"I have said that exact phrase…many times tonight and I'll pro'ly say it a lot more…maybe forever… Cause it's the truth… Nobody knows…what the fuck they're talkin' about…"
"Well then clue us in and you won't have to say it anymore."
"Not gonna happen, Shaunie…" He lumbers off the elevator toward his apartment.
"Why?"
"Because as of right now…you guys are just about all I have left… I would fuckin' love to keep it that way…"
"You could still have Tris." Shauna is really startin' some shit. "Even though she definitely hates you…" He shoots her a sad glare and it actually makes me really fucking sad for him. "…she definitely love you, too. Wait…maybe you don't feel the same. Fuck! I guess I've just been assuming…"
He knows she's baiting him… He's too damn smart! We watch as he wanders to his liquor cabinet and grabs a bottle, not even caring what it is, and sloshes the brown liquid into a glass.
"I'll take that, thank you!" Shauna rips it out of his hand.
"Give…that…to…me."
"Why?"
"Because I want…to drink it."
"Why?"
He stares her down, but my lady is tough as nails so his glare doesn't phase her. He ends up just shaking his head and wandering into his room. I hear him crash down onto his bed.
"Let's just go."
"I'm just gonna check on him."
I walk into his room and watch as he drunkenly pushes himself up and sits on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.
"What's up, man?"
"I don't know where to sleep."
"Dude, just lie down."
"May as well… Fucked it all up when I had another chick in it, anyway."
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
He laughs through his nose. "Not your fault, man… Definitely mine…"
I have nothing to say…as usual when it comes to anything reassuring or emotional.
"I'll lock up."
He nods his head and closes his eyes. It's just then that I notice the dark circles under them.
"Stop fucking watching me sleep," he whines without opening his eyes.
I don't answer. I just walk out to his living room as Shauna turns the lights off. Then I lock the door and close it behind us.
Shauna looks at me with a serious look of upset. "So, you really thought getting him laid would be the answer?"
"You heard him! He knew my motivations the whole time—"
"It's not about him, Zeke! It's about you and how you perceive and react to situations. It took Ur-i-ah all of 5 minutes to see what was going on, and I was right there with him! Did you one time ask him anything?... Dug any deeper?"
I sigh out the longest breath…ever. "No."
"So your best friend breaks up with the one person who seemed to have changed him…who brought out the best in that asshole…and instead of getting to the bottom of it…you decide hooking him up with a bartender is the answer—"
"Shauna! He did that! As it turns out…I didn't!"
"But it's the fact that you thought it would be the answer!... Zeke! Grow up! How do you expect me to…to…?"
I know exactly what she's getting at, but I don't want to hear her say it.
"Let's go home," is all I can get out.
End flashback
I need to make this right with Shauna. The only way I can do that is by getting to the bottom of this…
Tris's POV:
I do the math in my head as to the amount of sleep I got-three hours. That's one more than usual. Bonus! And now I lie here…in my bed…in the same place that Tobias broke my heart. Except now, I'm rethinking…everything. And being sober definitely helps…although the exact events of last night are slightly hazy.
Whereas, for the last few weeks, I had been cataloging all of the moments with Tobias I had perceived to be red flags-trying to figure out where I had gone wrong… Now I'm doing the opposite and cataloging all the moments I had perceived to be amazing and special and…many adjectives I can't possibly name. The good far outweighs the bad. Yes, he has debilitating disabilities when it comes to dealing with emotionally charged moments… That still doesn't seem to outweigh the good…
I literally started from the first moment we met and how I was drawn to him even before speaking to him…and he seemed to reciprocate those feelings.
I remember our first time together and the circumstances that prompted it… God…
…..
"Tris," he says turning my head and kissing me on the cheek. "I will absolutely treat you differently…because you are different…and because I love you. And I have every intention of making love to you…not just having sex with you."
…..
I can feel my underwear start to dampen just at the thought of that night. I am seriously going to have to do something about this…soon!
I remember how he took care of me…
…..
I can feel him lifting me off the floor as I cling to him. Soon settling on his lap inhaling the soothing thickness of steam as it calms my throbbing throat.
"I love you," is repeated like a mantra in my ear as I nod my head in agreement. I know he loves me as much as I love him.
…..
And how he took care of me…again…when I was burning up with fever. He got in a damned cold tub…with me! He pulled nasty beer glass out of my head because I was too stupid to go to Immediate Care! I run my fingers along the slight scar that is barely even there anymore thanks to him. I feel a tear of guilt slip out of my eye and I don't bother to wipe it away.
I think about how I don't have nightmares anymore… At least not like I used to… Eric is always present in the back of my mind… But Tobias, being a real man…made me stronger. He protected me but didn't handle me because he knew I could handle myself. I aimed high…because he thought so highly of me. And as it turns out…he was right!-when I was with him, I did feel special, I did feel different… I felt…whole.
The phrase…or near frantic scream…that won't leave my brain- "I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU!"
It has been reverberating throughout my mind… Probably because it's accurate. He didn't… He didn't say it.
…..
"What do you want me to say? 'It's over?', 'We're done?', 'I don't want to be with you?' Tell me, Tris. How the hell am I supposed to say… How am I…supposed…to say, 'I don't want to be with you'?"
"You just did."
…..
Shit... Maybe that was my out… My way of avoiding having to hear him say the actual words. The words that he may never have actually said had I given him a moment to get his shit together. It would have taken way more than a moment…but, semantics.
But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! How much time could he possibly have needed?! I remember the look on his face! He was dying to leave! My bed was the last place he wanted to be… God… Nothing makes sense… Especially…. Especially…. Especially…. How he could sleep with someone else…? The idea of his lips, hands, any body part…in someone else's…on someone else's—
A timid knock on the door breaks me out of my see-sawing thoughts. I look at my phone and see it's 6:15. What the hell? Will and Christina went back to his place after I made it very very clear I wanted to be alone… Maybe she left her keys…again. Nope! She would knock on the door like a crazy person… What the hell?
I step into a pair of sleep shorts and pull on a hoodie, walking tentatively to the door. I look through the peek hole and see a very nervous looking…Matthew.
"Shit," I exhale out as I walk in a quick, unnecessary circle.
I check the hole again and watch him bounce on his toes and mumble to himself. He looks…incredibly apprehensive. I start to tip-toe away hoping he didn't hear me come to the door and that he'll leave.
"Tris?... Yeah…or Christina, I suppose?... Or both?... Hopefully just Tris… Maybe no one, in which case I will feel like a complete ass…because your neighbor is looking…at me…funny… If you're…available…can you just… come to the door? At least take the warm cup of coffee I have? The perfect Malaysian blend… I would have gotten Indonesian, like that first time… Well, Christina doesn't know the story but—"
I swing the door open to prevent further torture to my poor neighbors and I'm greeted by the warm, broad, yet shy smile…if that's possible…of Matthew. My cheeks actually flush a little in response.
"I had a feeling you'd be here,"' he comments slyly.
"Giving my neighbors a show?"
"The audio version of a show…definitely. Um… Hi."
"Hi."
"Here." He hands me a 2-Go cup of coffee from Grounds. "So…that's it. Just…wanted to…give you coffee, even if I don't get to drink it with you. It had your name on it so I figured…" He points his finger to where he wrote my name on the coffee cup and I can't help smiling. "So, I'll see you later." He starts down the short hall until I stop him.
"Come on in, Matthew," I remark in semi-annoyance. It's actually kind of sweet.
"Yesssss!" He hi-fives his coffee cup as if it's a person and enters the apartment.
Closing the door behind me, I set the coffee down and turn to look at him with the classic hands-on-the-hips what-the-hell-do-you-want stance. I watch as his eyes scan me and he smiles while I swallow in slight discomfort.
"Sorry!... I'm not trying to be creepy… You totally caught me checking you out, didn't you?"
I don't respond.
"Well, I was just thinking… I don't believe I've ever seen you look…bad... Tired, yes… But, I don't know. You always just look…like you."
"Well, that's because I am me."
"Beautiful. I mean…beautiful."
"I am so fucking sick of that word! Do men not have any other adjective?!"
I watch him purse his lips in confusion. "That was an…interesting reaction…to a serious compliment."
"Shit… I'm sorry… I appreciate…I mean, it's very nice… I just…" Tobias used to call me beautiful as a noun and it has now lost all meaning when used as an adjective! "That was…beyond rude. I mean…it has been pointed out to me on several thousand occasions that I am terrible at taking a compliment, but that just took the cake!"
"It certainly did."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"I came to…well, apologize… The thing is…I practically begged you to go out with me…actually I practically begged you to give me five minutes of your time…and when you agree to the best thing ever… which in this case, is a date… I puss out because I am threatened by your ex-boyfriend."
"He threatened you?"
"No. He is…just a threatening presence…"
"Oh…yeah, he can be."
"…and way cooler than me all around. He's the all-around Gold Medal winner of cool—"
"Matthew."
"—Anyway, I was thinking… I love my job…I really do. I respect Four as my boss… But I also need to respect myself and…well, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since…the last time I saw you and… I don't know. Is there any way you would at least, start having coffee with me again?"
"Matthew…"
"Okay…I recognize that as the I'm-about-to-reject-Matthew face… Is there any way you can think about it for a second and not answer me right away?... At least give me a few minutes to figure out if time travel is possible so I can go back to last Saturday morning?"
Every image of Tobias kissing Kirsten comes flooding back to my mind at the mention of last Saturday morning.
"Gladly," I answer truthfully as I begin to reevaluate my almost immediate rejection. "Now…give me a minute."
"Gladly."
I head to the bathroom and shut the door needing a moment alone with my thoughts. I am so conflicted. I mean…it's just coffee, right? I have been enjoying having coffee with him. But it would lead to more than coffee, right? Damn it! How much do I want this? Do I want this at all?... I begin to brush my teeth as Matthew yells something to me.
"Huh?" I ask with a full mouth of toothpaste.
"Even cute…I didn't say beautiful…with a full mouth of toothpaste."
"Ha…ha…"
"Your phone's ringing."
I spit out my toothpaste. "Can you see who it is?"
"Yes, ma'am… It's an unknown number."
"Ugh… So sick of that shit."
"Shall I…take care of it?"
I laugh to myself and roll my eyes. "Sure." Whatever he means by that…
"Hello?... … Hello?... … Look, if you're not gonna answer, I'm cool with that… But can you please not call back? I'm trying to woo this girl who I'm kinda crazy about—"
"Oh my God! Hang up the damned phone!" I say laughing thinking about the poor out-sourced person who gets to listen to Matthew's antics. Maybe they think he's funny… I do!
"Sorry, sorry… Just trying to avoid further interruptions…for your sake."
"My sake?" I ask as I splash cold water on my face.
"Wouldn't want to mess with your thought process… But a piece of my soul is dying out here so…are you almost done?"
I take a deep breath into the towel as I dry my face and then walk tentatively to where he's sitting on the couch. I think of everything that happened last night with Tobias and as much as I am now entirely confused…I owe it to myself to figure out what's going on.
"I want to say yes."
"Then do it."
I sit on the couch and face him. "It wouldn't be fair."
"Why?... I probably don't want to know the answer, but… Why?"
"I'm still in…love…with Four… And I like you way too much for you to be a rebound."
"I'm cool with being the rebound guy—… Okay, no I'm not. I'm more of the 'all-in' type."
"I know… And you deserve someone who is 'all-in.'"
He nods his head. "Can you be honest with me about something?"
"Sure."
"Should I wait?"
"I…I don't think…so…"
"That wasn't a 'no.'"
"But you should probably take it as a 'no.'"
He nods his cute head slowly.
"Hey…" I put my hand on his scooting closer because he really does look crushed. "I wish I had met you before him."
I wish I had never even known what true passion is… I would have been perfectly content dating Matthew. We may have even lasted…
"Me, too…" He sighs but then gives me a side smile. "Can we just…try one thing?"
"Maaaaybe…"
"Can I kiss you…once? Like an actual kiss? Not a spur of the moment…moment of…idiocy?"
"Uh…"
We're actually a lot closer than I thought we were and I find myself getting momentarily lost as I look at his genuine questioning eyes. They're hazel… I've never noticed… I feel my hand that had before taken charge and been laid on his has now been laced with his. It's a nice feeling…for someone to want to hold my hand. Not out of jealousy…but, just because they want to. I feel myself leaning in as my lips meet his gently. His lips are soft… The kiss is sweet and it doesn't move far beyond surface level even as he brings his hand up to rest softly in the crook of my neck. We lean in a little more and slightly adjust angles until he pulls away and I'm left looking at him.
"Sorry… I just had to stop…before it…got too difficult to stop."
"Yeah."
"So… Ya know what? That was a terrible idea!... Why did you let me talk you into that?!" he jokes as he abruptly stands.
I laugh. "I don't know… It didn't take much coercion, though."
"I kind of hate that."
"I'm sorry, Matthew. I just…wouldn't be able to give you what…"
"I know you wouldn't… Geez!… Not being the rebound type kinda sucks!"
"It really does. Too bad Four doesn't feel the same…"
He narrows his eyes at me and I realize how insensitive it was that I just said that. I'm giving the guy who goes and sleeps with someone else another chance…or whatever this is…and not Matthew… What's wrong with me?
"I hope he's worth it… I mean that. I really hope he is."
I just shake my head because I don't know what else to say or do.
"Take care, Tris." He leans down and gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek and I can't help but close my eyes when he does because frankly…I'm fucking sad! I feel like I'm losing a friend! A friend…
"Bye… Hey, Matthew?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll miss coffee…with you…"
He nods his head and walks out. I sit on the couch and ponder what the hell just happened. It was a nice kiss…
…..
I can feel his finger under my chin as he makes me look at him and I acquiesce because I can't resist. Then our lips collide forcefully yet in perfect synch. As if our mouths communicate for us we slow the kiss and I just relish in the feeling of him as he pulls me closer and I slide my fingers through his hair.
I have never been kissed like this before. I have a momentary bought of sadness until I realize-that fact has made this moment worth it. It feels special…at least for me. We pull apart and rest our foreheads together unmoving, as I try to catch my breath. I notice he's doing the same. Then he pulls away and kisses my forehead. Feeling his smile against my head brings a jolt of contentment because now I know he feels the same.
…..
I run into my room and bury my face in my pillow as a bought of emotions meet each other head on… And the collision isn't pretty. I'm fairly sure I make some sort of inhuman noise as I curl up onto my side and start sobbing.
Tobias's POV:
I wake on the couch…having nothing but a vague recollection of how I got there.
As has been my habit, I try my best to recall the events of the previous night. It's a usual occurrence, me attempting to remember how I fell asleep-on my office floor, the sofa, the sofa pulled out, and today…my couch. I remember Zeke and Shauna being here and then lying on my bed, hating it. So I ripped the sheets off the bed and finished the glass of whatever I had poured.
I can still feel the memory of my heart racing uncontrollably and I couldn't account for why… Or I didn't want to admit to myself why…. It's because I was having a fucking panic attack!
I had yelled, screamed in fact, at Tris right in the middle of the damned sidewalk on a busy road. Anyone could have heard us…and they did. I could have so easily put her in danger because of my fucking jealousy… I have no damned clue who's watching us…if anyone! God forbid they are because I may as well have put a nail in her coffin. That is if my father isn't a total piece of shit liar and Carlos is intent on hitting me where it hurts. There is no other place that would hurt more than Tris.
Flashback:
I stare out the window of Will's Jeep. I had pulled Uriah out of the front seat, practically throwing him onto the street in the process.
"Sorry," I muttered, still feeling bad for punching him in the face. He looks terrible…
"Whatever," he whispered without making eye contact.
I need to stay as far away from the back of this vehicle as possible! Will gives me a side look and a small smile. He is definitely my most perceptive friend apart from Amar. I know I take him for granted and I hope to make that up to him someday. But right now I need to stay the fuck away from perceptive people!
"So fellas, where we headed now?" Uriah asks as if he doesn't already know the damned answer.
"Why did we even leave!?" I ask roughly.
"Change of venue."
"No, shit, Zeke… Why!?"
"Because we want to meet up with the girls." I sigh out and lean against the door. Thank God Tris works Monday nights… Doesn't she? I suppose I don't even know anymore… God, that sucks… Wait… Oh, shit…
"Will?" I ask quietly, hoping I won't have to explain myself.
"Yeah, she's there."
"Damn it."
I hear Zeke and Uriah arguing in the back.
"Want me to take you home?"
"Yes." No! Fuck, no!
"You got it. I'm gonna drop them off first. Is that okay?"
I sigh again and nod my head incrementally, now being fully aware that the temptation is real.
"You really don't want to be around her?"
"It seems that nowadays…" I turn to the back. "…what I want doesn't seem to fucking matter! Right, guys?"
"Four! If we did what you want…we'd be drinking alone in our apartments drowning our sorrows or some shit! So, yes…what you want doesn't fucking matter right now!... Plus, you tried to kill me today."
"Jesus! I didn't…try to kill you!"
"Oh, yeah?" He leans toward me. "Tell me! What was going through your head when you pictured Tris and I… goin' at it hardcore—"
"Fuck you." I turn and look out the window again.
"That's what I thought! You'll thank me someday!"
I'm silently hoping to God that statement is true.
I really did want to kill him today… But I have to admit…it did lead to me being able to have a private moment with Tris. So I am, in a fucked up way, indebted to Uriah for that, even if it was only for a moment. I got to hold her in my arms and she seemed to respond… I know she's seeing Matthew, but I hope she's still in love with me. As much as it makes me ill to think of her being intimate on any level with anyone other than me…I'm willing to accept it as long as I get to have her after I find my way out of this shit- As long as I get to have her in the end!
That sounded so much better in my head... This is in my head! I may be a little toasted…
And that is such bullshit! I would in no way shape or form be okay with her being with someone else 'in the meantime.' Fuck no! And…Christ!... She jumps into a relationship that quickly? HOW?! I know from her perspective, I did this- this is all, my fault... But, HOW can she do that?!
"You okay?"
"Yeah," I answer looking across the street.
"Four?"
"What?!"
"The guys went inside."
I look behind us and see that, yes…100%...Uriah and Zeke went inside. I time-traveled! Ha… God, I miss her… I just… Damn it… I take a deep breath and look in the window of the bar and instantly spot her because, well… I always instantly spot her. She's laughing lightly and I can't help but smile—
"So…okay. Apparently we're going in?"
"What?" I'm standing in front of the vehicle as Will sticks his head out the window. "Oh, yeah… Sorry… Ah…"
"Four. Just go in… Sit in the corner or something if you don't want to talk to her… You'd probably be doing that whether she were here or not, right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay… Dude, I need you to move…so I can park and walk the ten blocks back… I'll be back by morning."
"Yeah… Bye."
I move out of the way and head into the bar, immediately finding a spot at a table behind Tris so I can observe. I'm almost instantly greeted by a way-too-chipper server.
"Hey there! Can I get you—"
"No."
"Then get out of my section," she deadpans.
That's something Tris does—pretends to be the happy bartender until you piss her off and then she shows you how much she truly hates you…
"Sorry…about that," I say looking up at her, trying to be nice. "Jack n' Coke…please."
"Let me get right on that for you," she emits sarcastically. Again, something Tris would say. Then I hear her say to herself, "…literally." Also something Tris would say… Damn…
I take a moment to myself…even though I sense Christina and Marlene's eyes on me…to observe Tris. She's wearing flowery shorts made out of some material I could rip off with my teeth. The waistline falls just below her hip bones- enough to reveal an inch of skin as she leans over the bar and her very fitted white shirt lifts up. Layered over the top of it is some see through loose fitting blousey thing which basically makes what would be a completely immodest outfit…incredibly modest and soooo sexy. She always leaves the perfect amount to the imagination. Her hair falls down her back in sexy waves and I watch her hook her thumbs in the back pocket of her shorts, which pulls them down just enough so see the white hemline of her lace panties. I feel the very familiar twinge of heat creeping into my groin—
"Hey…flirting with servers isn't going to get you anywhere—"
"I wasn't flirting." I meet Shauna's glare with one of my own as she leans over the table bracing her hands on it.
"You were smiling like a fucking tease—"
"No… I absolutely was not!" Was I? I was thinking about Tris… Damn it!
"Just…don't, okay?"
"Don't…what?"
"Well, I may have let some information slip and I'm not sure Tris can handle—"
"What…information?"
I don't even hear her answer because all I see is Tris and the bartender whispering some shit back and forth. They seem to be mirroring each other's movements…like the night we met. It…makes…me…crazy!
I'm up and standing behind her as she examines her glass in the light. Why…is she doing that?
"Straight whiskey, huh?" he inquires.
"Ha…yeah. Lemme guess… You don't know many girls that drink whiskey…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…" She's drunk… Great! "…Because I have to tell you—"
"I was going to ask you which whiskey happens to be your favorite."
"Oh, sorry…" I hate it when she gets all timid and dumb!
"It's all good… Here… To cute girls who drink whiskey." What the hell…did he…just say? No! Just…hell no!
I lose track of the rest of their exchange as the gears in my brain are going to the worst possible scenario…
"These drinks are on Zeke tonight, girls!... He kind of owes us, don't you think?" I hear Shauna yell as Zeke looks on in guilt.
I know Shauna is referring to Zeke not being perceptive to my falsehood. I need to tell him he has nothing to be sorry about and Shauna needs to fucking relax. I was the one who took advantage of Zeke, knowing full well he would be…Zeke! But then that would open up the floodgates of questions and I can't have that. A depressing thought almost bowls me over as I realize I will never be able to be truthful with them about this. What kind of friend does that make me? A protective one, damn it!
"Her name's Tris!" Christina yells to the bartender in an obnoxious voice.
Then she looks over her shoulder and smiles semi-viciously at me. Thanks, Christina.
"Dude!" I watch her jut her elbow into Tris's ribcage. "He's hot!" Again… Thanks, Christina.
Then I get the fucking fantastical pleasure of watching Tris actually check him out. I move my head to an angle where I can literally see her look at him from bottom to top as she smiles as then looks away. Yep! Be coy and cute! That's catnip!
"He smiled at me."
"Yes, pumpkin... People do that when they like you!" I get another look from Christina.
"Like me—"
"So, Tris…" he interrupts her denial. "…the cute girl who drinks whiskey." Jesus Christ! She's MY cute girl who drinks whiskey. And 'cute'-not the right word, buddy! "You have polished off the Knob. Regard me?" What the hell does that mean?
"Huh?"
"Can I pour you another?" Who talks like that?! Shit! I think I do…
"Sorry… Sure." Again with the dumb apologizing!
"It's okay… You have a nice smile, ya know… Don't hide it." Hide it! Hide it!
"Thank…you."
The fight or flight is starting to kick in for me… The flight definitely needs to win out!
"Shall I join you?"
"Sure!" Flight… Flight, Tobias…
He mumbles something probably total amateurish and fucking dumb that she's going to fall for as I inch closer to them. Flight! Flight! What are you doing?
"I called you 'cute' and I take that back! It was disingenuous and I only said it because I was subtly hitting on you." Nothing…subtle…about it! "I am most definitely not hitting on you."
"That's fine… I was just—"
"You see the truth is, you're kind of, well, beautiful… And it doesn't count as being hit on if it's genuine—"
"It absolutely…counts," I grunt out hoping someone understood me. "Right, Tris?"
She sucks in a quick breath as I see her clutch at her glass. I tilt my head just enough to inhale her and my pheromones practically light on fire.
"I wouldn't know." Bullshit.
"Pretty sure you would."
I sit and cordially, because I'm feeling suddenly cordial—or because I want her close to me so no man will come within a mile of her—move out the bar stool for her. She completely denies my gesture…and it's pretty infuriating!
"I'll have whatever the fuck you just poured her."
I know very well he's trying to be a show-off dick and pour her decent whiskey, but I can't let my voyeurism show.
"I hit on her the first night we met," I state factually to the asshole. "It was genuine…and successful I might add. Indeed…successful…" Hell,…yes… Hell,…yes…
"Sorry, man. I didn't know she had a boyfriend—"
"I don't." And I hate it! How do you not see that?! "And genuine isn't a word I would use."
"I don't give a shit what word you would use, Tris."
"Look, you don't have to be a dick," asshole interjects. I wasn't, you prick! "And I sure as hell don't have to serve you."
"Oh… He's not being a dick!" Oh, this'll be good! "He's just being himself… This one here," she references Tris. "…is one of the few who speaks 'Four.'"
I glance at Tris and see that she's closing her eyes and clenching her jaw. What did I say?
"Speaks 'Four'?"
"Yes. It's practically a dead language. Like Latin! Right, guys?... Come on, Trissy! Translate!... It's like a game, Tre. Come on, Four…say something awful!" Oh… Now I get it. Shit. "…and Tris will—"
"Christina… Thank you, that'll do."
"No problem! Just gave myself an idea for a new drinking game. Thanks, Four!"
"I aim to please."
Now I don't even know what the hell to say. The effect this girl has on my tongue is mind-boggling… Oh…Tobias. Really? Deep breaths. Maintain bodily control.
"I only meant that it doesn't matter what word you use because it doesn't make it any less true—"
"Yeah, yeah…enough, okay? I speak 'Four', remember?... Christ!"
I take a deep breath in both relief and frustration. I shouldn't even be talking to her!
"Did you want to start a tab?" The dickwad looks pissed. Good! Now stay away!
I realize I am pretty much marking my territory with my glare and he seems to be doing the same and he is not backing down.
"Yeah. Put hers on my tab."
"She's drinking for free."
"No, she's not."
"Yes… She is." I will cause you serious…bodily…harm-
"Just upcharge him, Tre!"
She takes her drink down in one gulp and I make no move to give him my credit card although I fully expect her to rip my wallet out of my back pocket and hand it over. But…she doesn't.
"So, what's the deal, Four? " Stop calling me that! "There are many other people to talk to in this bar… Look at all the hot women! And you never know…they may actually hold your interest—"
"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." I turn my barstool to point out her ignorance.
"I know exactly what I'm talking about!" She interrupts me, of course. "Unless you've already found someone to hold your interest… Cute girl, about 5'4", brown hair—"
"Tris…"
I have a brief memory of my arms wrapped around Kirsten and it makes me nauseous.
"Don't 'Tris' me! God! Why am I…even talking to you…about this?! Why are you even here?!"
"Well…this sure as hell wasn't my idea! Thanks a shit ton, Zeke!"
"Always gotch'yer back man!"
"Yeah… NOT!" Shauna exalts.
Another twinge of guilt hits me as I reflect on the fact that I'm the reason Zeke is in the shit house with Shauna. Then I notice that Tris is halfway out the door. I fucked up again, didn't I? Good! Now order another drink!
But…then I'm out the door and just about in reach of her, hoping she doesn't hear my long strides and take off. Faster then I can process a small face buries itself, hard, right into my chest… Tris falls backward faster than I can catch her.
"Damn it! Stop turning around!"
"You're an asshole! Stop chasing me!"
"I wasn't chasing you!... I was walking…stealthily! Fuck!"
I crouch down on my haunches to help her up and she lets me. God! That had to hurt. I can help! Before I can think twice, I'm actually trying to rub the pain away as she bats at my hand. I can't help it and I laugh at how stupid and amazing that was.
"What…is…your…deal? Tell me…now."
I have absolutely no idea what to tell her. I can't tell her the whole truth! Maybe a tidbit? Stop tempting me, Tris! Did I just say 'tidbit'…or think 'tidbit'? What the hell is wrong with my words?
"Tired of this conversation? Lost interest? Well…let me turn around because we know I'm not hot enough—"
"I never said that! Zeke said it!… And I just…agreed—"
"Why?!"
"Because I… Fuck! I can't talk about this shit…right now. Just trust me I don't feel… I didn't. Damn it!"
I face away from her because I have to or I'm going to throw her over my shoulder and find a closet! She's looking at me in the way that makes me ache for her! Would it be that much of a mistake? It may send the right message if I really really make her happy… Like three times happy?
I must realize the ridiculosity of that and decide to speak with my words instead of my dick. "Just tell me you believe me… Please…"
"I believe you." Mmmm...huh?
"Really?"
"Really."
"Okay, so…" What…the…hell?... "You knew the whole time, didn't you!?"
Now I'm officially pissed because this has been killing me! Slowly! I haven't been able to stand her thinking such superficial bullshit about herself…and that she thinks I would possibly even think that! That is a lot of 'thinks'…
"Yes! Those aren't your damned words!.. … …. …. That has Zeke written all over it!... …. ….. I can't stand your…. right now…. ….. you wouldn't dis-res-pect me like that!" Her poking me in the damned chest makes my hazy mind focus on her rant. Can she repeat that? Did she say she can't stand me? Damn… "And I can't fucking can't stand that you think I'm so stupid as to buy into that!"
"You're an idiot if you think I think you're stupid!"
"That makes…no sense!"
"It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it!" God! How drunk is she?!
"That's an oxymoron…you moron!" It is? I suppose… How could something make perfect sense if one doesn't use their senses?… I get it! Good one, babe. "And… Thank you so much for that snippet into your thoughts! Care to share any more?"
"Yes."
"What?!"
"Stop seeing Matthew." Forever and ever…starting…forever and now.
"Are you… !? That's what you… !?" She…may…just…explode. For realskis… "Oh… I get it. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me…but you can go and…" Stop yelling!
"I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T WANT YOU!" And I never ever will, you idiot! Jesus… I'm dizzy…
"You broke up with me! Right in my own damned bed! The bed I get to sleep in every night! So I think about it…every night! You did that! You broke my FUCKING HEART!"
That-hearing her actually scream it at me in utter pain. It's a new indescribable feeling. It tears through me like white, hot lightning. I picture her, every night, reliving the memory…or her perception of it… Her perception…
"Is that what happened? Is that how it played out in your head? Because I don't remember it happening like that!" I yell at her not meaning to yell at her. "You claim you know me well enough to 'know my words'? Well, Tris…if that's the fucking case, then you would know that I would NEVER be able to tell you I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU! Those were your damned words—"
"That was your out and you TOOK IT! You did that! You walked out the damned door and drove off, no explanations, no phone calls, no…."
I watch the tears stream down her face and this is the first time I've actually gotten a first-hand view of the damage I've done. The physical manifestation of the pain she's in hits me like a wrecking ball. I need to do something.
"I've barely been able to function! And you…well, shiiiiitttt! We both know you're doing JUST FINE!"
"You know NOTHING about how I'm doing!"
I walk away before I say too much. I'm furious at her for thinking I'm doing fine but wracked with guilt for making her think I am.
"Did you ever think maybe this has nothing to do with you?! Go back to the beginning! Day motherfucking one! Every damned moment!... And do the fucking math, Beatrice!" That'll get her…
"Don't fucking call me Beatrice!" Yep.
"Don't call me Four…Beatrice!"
"Fuck you!" She can be such a-gah!
"No, Fuck…. mggghhhh!" Fuck you!
End Flashback.
I get up off the couch and walk into my room…or stumble…and see that unbeknownst to me I had knocked her orchid picture off the shelf, probably upon trying to tear my sheets to pieces. I pick it up and see that the glass is cracked, but the photo remains intact. A breath of relief leaves my chest causing me a moment of reprieve. Then staring at the sheets on the floor, I get dizzy and have to sink down onto them to ground myself.
Scrubbing at my face with my hands, I grasp not only the gravity of the scene but the way I treated her—I berated her in front of our friends and whoever else. I almost said 'Fuck you' to her. Granted, she said it to me…but from her viewpoint, I would have deserved it. She certainly doesn't deserve that from me.
The upside is that I definitely got to her. I may have said things I shouldn't have, but at least now hopefully her wheels are turning. I got to tell her that I never said I didn't want her and that I never would have been able to. The irrational and hopeful part of me hopes she holds on and reevaluates…everything.
"Shit!" I stand up quickly realizing I have no clue what time it is. I sway for a minute and place my hands on the bed hanging my head to stave off rapid blood flow. As hard as it seems to be, I lift my head and see that it's 6:12. Good…. Not good!
That does not leave me enough time to make it to work to shower. Guest bath!
I walk into the living room chastising myself for not thinking about that two weeks ago… But then I admit to myself that it isn't just my damned shower that has kept me from this apartment. It's a mix of the good memories and the bad memories that keep me away… I try to keep them at bay at every possible opportunity, and being here just makes them come back in full force.
…..
"Just tell me, Tobias… Fine. Don't tell me where the hell you're going after being gone all night and still not telling me where the hell you've been! And that's not me insinuating anything!"
I watch her look around the room frantically as I lean casually on the bathroom door. I can see that she threw her disgusting bar clothes in the corner, probably in her drunken stupor.
"You're…uh…stuff… You threw it in the corner." I signal toward the corner with my head as she looks from me to the clothes and back to me, latching her irises onto mine…painfully…. She huffs to the corner, grabs her stuff and, trying to be strong and failing epically, walks past me."
"Next time, you should just say, 'take your shit and leave.' It's a lot less syllables…"
Walking into the kitchen, I lean on the counter and run the water in the sink so I don't have to hear her fucking crying in the bathroom. Medieval torture would be easier to bear right now.
Soon enough she walks right past the kitchen and slips on the stilettos that look ridiculous on her. She looks to me to say something…anything…
"Uh… I'll text you…?" I suggest.
"Yeah," she says with no inflection or facial expression at all as she locks her stupid crystal blue ice eyes with mine. And then she's gone…
…..
I stare at the floor as remorse seeps in liquid form out of my left eye, landing right on my foot. I lift my head pretending that shit didn't just happen and start to search for my phone...but I am unsuccessful in acquiring it. Landing myself on my couch I try to call it from the landline, covering the receiver so I can't hear the ring in my ear. I listen for the loud dinging of my cell phone and…nothing. Son of a bitch… I end the call and lay my head on the back on the couch.
"Nice try, drunk ass!" Tris flops onto her back on the couch plopping her feet on my lap as I grunt at the near junk shot she provides me with. She, of course, laughs at my expense… The best laugh… "You probably left it at the bar… You were in quite the state, I hear…"
"Yeah… I uh…"
"Don't even bother with the unfinished sentences and just rub my feet!" She waggles her eyebrows and bites her bottom lip. "Then make me coffee…"
I glare at the place on the couch where Tris should be…but isn't, and then I find myself going through the memory on the landline and selecting Tris's number. It rings three times and I sigh at the disappointment that it will go to Voicemail and I'll have to hang up. Better this way anyway—
"Hello?..." I freeze in place as I hear Matthew's voice…at Tris's apartment…at 6:15…AM.
"Hello?..." I'm still frozen in place as I feel like I'm being doused in ice water.
"Look, if you're not gonna answer I'm cool with that… But can you please not call back? I'm trying to woo this girl who I'm kinda crazy about—"
"Oh my God! Hang up the damned phone!" I hear Tris's laugh and it burns my eardrums.
I sit there for an indeterminable amount of time, with the receiver to my ear. Until I get up… go into my bathroom…and take a scorching shower…trying to burn their voices from my memory.
Tris's POV:
I stop working on Tori's picture because my hands keep shaking. The lack of sleep, overexertion, alcohol and coffee must be getting to me… Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Tris! It has nothing to do with Tobias…
"Damn it!" I hurl the red fine-tipped marker across the room in frustration.
I have no idea what to do right now. I have now gone through everything…everything… Tobias all but told me he still loves me. And yes…whereas before nothing was adding up… Now it seems as if everything is adding up to some extent. His sudden change in behavior—no, his sudden change in personality, his mixed signals toward me, the strained glances practically begging me to figure shit out! How did I miss it?! Because I'm too caught up in my own personal anxieties about myself that I couldn't see that something was tearing him apart. But…what?
I was able to get a small amount of information out of Will. Apparently, Tobias drinks himself to sleep almost every night, sleeps at the office and has been avoiding his friends like the plague.
The one fact I can't get out of my thick head is the fact that he slept with someone else…maybe two someone elses. I shake my head knowing that I will have to address that at a different time. Right now, for my own sanity…I need to get to the bottom of this shit.
"Okay, Tris. You know what you need to do… So, just do it! Call him. You know he won't call you because he's a stubborn fucker… Yeah, a stubborn fucker who poured…or screamed…his heart out to you in the middle of the street last night!"
Phone in hand I see that it's 2:00. Plenty of time for the dust to have settled, right? Right! I can't call… I'm a wuss… Next best thing…
Me: Can we meet up to talk?
Me: This is Tris. Lol.
LOL? Seriously?
My heart starts to pick up speed as I can see his almost immediate response as the stupid dots blink, signaling he's responding. I get a flash of anticipation and excitement as I bounce on my toes and look up at the ceiling as to pass the time. It seems more productive than watching the dots.
Tobias: I was pretty wasted. Dont really remember much.
Tobias: Sorry about that. Lol.
What…
Tobias's POV:
I exit the elevator, deciding it's about time I start taking it again and make a quick left into the men's bathroom praying no one is in attendance. My prayers were answered as I find it completely unoccupied. I brace myself on the sink and slowly watch the color creep back into my cheeks and then I blink my eyes to bring them back into focus.
I need a new elevator strategy. This time, it was full and that is just the perfect recipe for a debilitating anxiety attack. I think the only thing that got me up to this floor today was my trying to distract my mind from migrating toward Tris in bed with Matthew-his hands on her breasts, touching her in ways that…I hoped only I could…
"God…" I emit in a staggering breath. I shake my head in complete defeat as I wet a paper towel and cool off the back of my neck.
I know I was drunk last night, but did she not hear anything I said? I all but told her I was still in love with her and that I never stopped. And although she was screaming… I could still tell—I saw it in her livid eyes…she still loves me. Not enough… I guess…
Pulling my shoulders back and straightening up I walk toward my new office. I see the back of Matthew's head and I have to stave off the need to grab his neck and slam his face into his desk.
He's bouncing his leg nervously-which he always does and it's annoying as shit-and as I come up behind him I see him staring at his phone…just staring at it. I'm walking slowly enough that I can see he has Tris's contact information pulled up and he is…still…just staring.
"Morning, Matthew," I say with an overexertion of nonchalance.
It comes out more forcefully than intended and incredibly sarcastic which is excellent because he jumps...mmmm…about 20 feet, conservatively, while knocking his phone off his desk. So, I, of course, politely walk over and pick it up for him placing it nicely (if you think forcefulness and niceness are synonymous) on his desk with the screen facing up, letting him know I saw whose name is on it.
"Shit!... Um…morning," he mumbles making small glances up at me.
A spasm…just a spasm…of guilt comes over me as I take into account that none of this is his fault. Was it a dick move for him to move in on her so quickly, particularly since we work together? Maybe. But to be honest, if I were in his shoes…it wouldn't have stopped me either. And I did, from his point of view, break it off with her, and he never really knew the extent of our connection. Plus, he does seem to really like her… Nope! Not working! Fuck you, Matthew!
I continue as Will steps out and tosses me my phone. "Thanks."
"I'm here for ya." Yes, Will…I picked up on your underlying meaning!
I continue en route to my new, scarier-than-hell corner office with 180 degrees of floor to ceiling windows providing a perfectly shitty view of Lake Michigan. It's like a fucking glass box. It has a walk-out balcony and even a small side room that serves as a bedroom if the need arises. And it will…unless I can push through and start using my apartment again. I only lasted for a minute in my damned shower this morning. All it took was one look at that…bench!
…..
I take the body wash that I also bought and start massaging it into her back and shoulders, not because she needs it: she's rinsed off enough by now, but because I'm selfish and I need it. She hangs her head and braces herself on my legs as she sighs out my name in a question. I'm not answering her as my hands have a mind of their own and move down her sides to the insides of her smooth legs trying to wash away whatever filth I have left on her. She leans her frame back into me as I run my fingers over her chest avoiding her breasts, not even allowing myself to look at them. I feel her hands on mine as she guides them down her entire torso, but I pull back immediately as I feel the swells on her chest. I still my hands on her shoulders and lean into her for a moment as my throat constricts again.
"I'm sorry…I can't…." I won't.
Even though I know she's frustrated as she leans into her hands, I'm not ready to let go of her yet so I try to consume her with my body without touching any of the places I don't deserve to be. Suddenly she swings her legs over mine and rests her wet head and hand over my racing heart. I move my leg up to cradle her body in mine as I try to comfort her…but it's mutually beneficial.
Her throat constricts before she gets out the word, "I love you…so much—"
…..
"Penny for your thoughts?"
I jump slightly at Amar's entrance. I don't know how I'm still not used to that shit.
"First, you want to give me your two cents…and now you want to take my penny?"
"You still have one left, my friend." He leans on my desk as I put down my briefcase on the other side.
"That's communism."
"Whatever makes this a thriving partnership..."
He walks over to my ridiculously long table and starts to spread out numerous amounts of spreadsheets. I laugh to myself thinking how alike we are in that I also need print-outs to internalize information. There is something about looking at everything on a computer screen that clouds my memory. I don't know how some of our interns do it…and frankly it makes me nervous, not having hard copies. I sound old…
"Maybe I'm old, but I need hard copies still. Does that make me old?"
"Probably."
He shrugs his shoulders and moves on. "This, my friend, is every employee at ALG." He does a sweeping motion with his hands. "It is direct from our accounting department and it references all payroll information. I, of course, have it in a PDF if you prefer—"
"No."
He smirks at our commonality as he continues. "…But I wanted to give you the opportunity to go over some of the departments so we can work on our checks and balances."
"Checks and balances?"
"Yes. I need to make sure our employees are compensated appropriately. You are going to check and make sure they are balanced!... See what I did there?"
"Yes."
"I am most sensitive to gender bias…" He looks out the window for a moment. "You see, when I first started, I took a page out of a similar agency to ours' playbook…as far as salary is concerned. And…to my deepest regret…I ended up paying the female employees 21% less than their male counterparts."
He glances at me…only briefly…and I can see the quick flash of shame behind his eyes.
"It was pointed out to me in a way most unbecoming to a new company-in the form of legal consequences."
"Ah." I nod my head in understanding as I breeze over them briefly.
"I assure you it was a complete oversight and my naivety—"
"Amar. Enough." He would never do that on purpose.
"Always direct." He scans my face and smiles. "Anyway, can you please look over the employees and cross-reference their salaries? For the time being it may be easier to stick to the ones with whom you are most familiar."
"Of course," I comment as I continue to scan.
"Please, however, keep in mind…these salaries are still performance based—male or female. We need to be sure they are evaluated under the strict rubric of equality."
"Mmm hmm… I see that the names are alphabetical. Can accounting filter it into departments instead of…"
Jonathan Jaenke
Tricia Jones
Juanita Juares
Julian Juarez
Omar Juarez
Carlyn King
"Tobias? Are you still in present company?"
"Juanita…Juares…" I look at Amar, who gets an unreadable expression across his face as my mind starts to work at a pace faster than I can contain.
Carlos Juares had a daughter…20 something years ago… I can literally see it on the eWiki in Calibri Font—Juanita. I've seen Nita's name—Nita Juares- hundreds of times…in print, writing and signature and I made no such connection. Juares is an uncommon spelling for that last name… There…is…no…way…this is happening…
"Amar… Juanita Juares?"
He doesn't respond.
"Please pay me the owed courtesy of a mutual partnership to either confirm or deny that this is indeed the daughter of Carlos Juares working under our employment."
"Indeed, it is."
All I can feel right now is the build up of fire on the back of my neck and I soon find myself ripping my tie off as oxygen is becoming an issue.
"You know of him." It's a statement.
"You know I know of him… Is that…accurate?" I say through a clenched jaw.
"I understand he has had business ties with your father. Is there more?"
I start laughing and I assume it sounds semi-maniacal based on Amar's expression.
"Why…did you hire her?"
He sighs. "Because I owe it to you to be candid… I hired her out of fear. I'm not proud of it… I believe she thinks it's because of some bullshit 'everyone-deserves-a-chance' excuse. I can put on a brave face…an exceptionally convincing one at that."
"Can you elaborate, please?" My mandible bone may just disconnect.
"Can you?"
"No."
"Then, no."
I glare at him. "This isn't a Mexican stand-off, Amar!"
"Is that a pun?"
"Do not…try to diffuse this—"
"He murdered my brother."
The silence is deafening as that statement sinks in on more levels than I can count.
"Amar—"
"My father…was no saint. He was greedy and selfish… Attributes you are familiar with in patriarchs…"
I nod my head in understanding.
"He got in too deep with Carlos over an arms deal in India that fell through. He was unable to compensate for his error."
He stops and I see the indescribable feeling of grief cross his face…I've never seen it on him.
Then he continues. "So Carlos took his own compensation…in the form of asphyxiation. We found him, Ravi, leaning up against a tree in front of our home. I walked past him several times because I thought he was being a lazy-ass and fell asleep… I tried to kick him awake…"
I close my eyes at the image and because of Amar's pain… Based on my reaction to emotional issues, I would imagine he doesn't appreciate attention drawn to him at this moment. But not wanting to ignore the issue either, I sit down on the couch and gesture him to join me. I'm thankful that he does, even as he wipes near frantically under his eyes.
"You know as well as I do there is absolutely nothing I can say to make this better. So, just know I'm here."
He nods his head in thanks.
I remember all the bullshit comments when my mother died. "Son, I'm so sorry,"… "She was a wonderful woman,"… "You're in our prayers." All I kept thinking was "Really?"… "Who are you?"… "And where were you?"…" Why didn't you help her?" Why didn't I help her? Why didn't…I…do…anything…?
"The reality is that I will grieve forever… I won't get over it… But I've learned to live with it... I've healed and rebuilt myself around his loss... I became whole again, but I'll never be the same…nor do I want to…" He takes a deep breath as I nod my head agreeing with absolutely everything he said. "You're up, my friend."
"I didn't realize we were playing a game." Jesus, Tobias… He just poured his heart out to you… He looks at me almost coldly. "He's threatening…me."
"How?"
"Amar, I cannot involve you—"
"But, you will."
I stand up and walk over to the window crossing my arms… At the moment, my fear of heights is lost… My only fear is for Tris, and that outweighs everything right now.
"From the beginning, Tobias."
I rub the back of my neck and it feels glorious. "Carlos was having an affair with my mother. She was going to leave Marcus… Fuck… And me…"
He lets me pause as that fact sets in again because I have never said it aloud.
"But she died the night before she was supposed to leave… He…Carlos…blames Marcus, and me by default, for her not leaving sooner…"
"There's more…" he prompts.
"Turns out he has been biding his time…waiting and watching… He supposedly knows a hell of a lot about me… He sure as hell found out about Tris…"
"Tris." I look at Amar's face as it seems to turn pale before he deflects. "Why do you say 'supposedly'?"
"I'm getting my intel…from Marcus. And…I know he's lying… I told him I'm going to talk to Carlos personally and he flipped his shit."
"What do you think he's lying about?"
"I don't know…but I'm determined to find out," I say turning my attention back to Amar.
"You are many many things, my friend. Determined being at the top of the list…"
"Hmmph."
"So, Carlos Juares has been watching you."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"He wants Marcus and me to feel the same pain he did. As if I felt nothing at the loss of my mother…" I shake my head at the bullshit rationale. "So, he has forced Marcus to do his dirty work…to keep Tris and me apart. If Marcus succeeds…he lives and I'm without Tris. If Marcus fails, he dies…and Tris dies."
"And you lose her either way…" I nod my head at that plaguing thought. "How is Marcus keeping you apart?"
"He has emotional leverage…about Tris. That, I will not be sharing with you."
He seems to know I'm serious, so he doesn't question it. Narrows his eyes at me he suddenly stands and walks swiftly to the door, locking it.
"By the look on your face you're going to try to find a way out of this," he states quickly.
"Yes."
"Tris cannot know…anything. That is how we lost Ravi. He asked too many questions and well…you've met Tris." He takes both of my shoulders. "It will be fatal… No, not fatal… That's some adage that seems to have lost it's meaning through sensationalized television programs… He will fucking kill her!"
"Amar. I have…to tell her…something—"
"No, Tobias…you don't."
"What if this were George?! What the hell would you do, Amar?!" I walk in a circle, which does nothing but make me dizzy.
"I would walk away—"
"That is such bullshit and you know it!... Fuck!... And I tried that…and I…"
"No… You gave up. Threw in the fucking towel! At least that's how it looked to me, my friend."
"I was trying to protect her!"
"Then protect her! But you need to find a way out of this without involving her!..." He stares at the floor. "You're going to hate what I'm about to say, Tobias."
"Say it."
"Strong people will automatically stop trying if they feel unwanted. They won't beg for attention, they'll just walk away… You need to make her walk away."
"And if I find a way out of this?"
"Then get her back."
"Tris doesn't work that way… Fuck!"
"My friend, the real question here is 'What if you don't find a way out of this?'"
"Then at least she's safe…" She's not mine…but she's safe…
"Precisely… So what's your next move?"
"This is not a team effort."
"That's why I said 'your' move."
"I don't want to further involve—"
"Tobias!"
"Fine! I need to get to Carlos!... " He looks at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. "I have some interesting information about Marcus. I'm hoping it'll be enough to sway him."
"That man is…sadistic. Do you have any fucking clue what you're—"
"Do you know how I could get to him?" He looks at the floor shaking his head in more disbelief.
"Amar!"
"I have an idea…yes." I look in the direction he is nodding his head and I see Nita sitting on one of the poor temps desks twirling her hair and cackling.
"I am not going to sleep with her." No…way…in…hell…
"My friend," he laughs. "I wasn't suggesting that… I almost had a heart attack when I found out you had!... I am merely suggesting you play nice…befriend the little bitch."
"She is interested in much more than friendship."
"Most women are when it comes to you, Tobias." Son of a bitch!
"So, then what? We become friends." Vomit! "Then she invites me over for tea with her father?"
"Doubtful."
"Then…what?! HELP me!"
"I'm afraid I can't. Improvisation is going to have to be your most precious tool… And you are an excellent bull-shitter…Four."
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I'm grateful because I need a minute alone and I'm hoping this draws Amar out.
"I can see you've had enough." I nod my head. "Tobias… Keep her safe… If everything is as you say it is…he won't hesitate."
"First, I need to find out if everything is as I say it is…"
"Good luck. I'll come by later." Can't wait… Shit…wait!
"Amar… I can't tell you how sorry I am about your brother…"
He nods his head as he exits the room. I check my phone expecting a text from Zeke and I see that it's…Tris. Just seeing her name appearing on my phone makes my cheeks warm.
Tris: Can we meet up to talk?
Tris: This is Tris. Lol.
As if I could delete your number…
She wants to meet up to talk… We can't… I know we can't… But I'm dying to know what she would say. That she doesn't want me?… She did the math and it all added up, but it doesn't make a difference because she's moving on?… Or…another scenario, which may be worse—she now knows something is up and she's going to try to get it out of me… She knows I'm still madly in love with her and she won't give up…
Me: I was pretty wasted. Dont really remember much.
Me: Sorry about that. Lol.
I wait and wait and wait, boring a hole through the screen on my phone…but no response. And I suppose there's none needed…
Tris's POV:
I get to the ALG building in record time thanks to a very swift cab driver. I have no idea how they get away with driving like that…
Shit, in Kittridge there's a cop just waiting to ticket you for going five over the speed limit! A strange twinge tugs at me at the memory of my hometown. Sometimes I do miss it… Not to live there-purely for nostalgic reasons. Then there's Eric… A shiver runs up my spine replacing the twinge of nostalgia.
I rev myself up, literally talking to myself, for the whole ride up in the elevator. I'm pissed…really pissed. There is no way in hell he is putting me through this again! That text was dumb and vague and purposeful! He's such a piece of shit… But damn it I love him! There's a place in me, that unexplained tug that I have been feeling on loop, that says this is worth fighting for. I have tried to rationalize EVERYTHING! And, I'm sick of it. So, I'm going with my gut…giving him a final shot.
I get off the elevator and jog to his office, hearing Matthew talking across the floor somewhere…
"Stupid human tricks!... I can pronounce Ashwaubenon, Oconomowoc and Mukwonago… I can even spell them… Bask in my Wisconsin amazingness!...Yeah, that was dumb…" I hear people laugh at his banter and it makes me smile.
Until I picture Tobias and how I ditched Matthew for him and now I'm mad…and excited and… Fuck!
I see his office door and I barge right in. "What the…hell was that text…"
"Um… What text?"
"Will."
"Tris."
"You're not…Four…"
"No."
"So, where can I find him?" I ask wringing my hands in slight embarrassment.
"I'll show you…" A soft sexy female voice lights my ears on fire as I turn to face Nita. "…He has a new office now… Don't worry, Trish. How would you have known? Follow me…" She gestures to me with her index finger. Ech!
"Will?" I turn to him for assistance.
"Straight across the floor, corner office on the left."
"Thanks." I start speed walking and I hear Nita following me. I smile as I hear her try to keep up in her kitten heels. "Don't need ya!" I remark forcefully.
"You…don't. But he…might."
"Doubtful."
"And how would you know what he wants these days? Because from my perspective…you're incredibly…out…of the picture. Trust me…I would know."
"Doubtful, again." I see the end is near!
"You think you know him better than I do these days?" I've fucking had it!
"Holy shit you crazy bitch!... I know him better than you do on any fucking day! And do you know what else I know?"
"Can't wait to hear this." She crosses her slutty arms and tilts her head.
"He would never be with you—"
"Well, he has already been with—"
"Shut your fucking stupid mouth! You are a certifiable…" I count on my fingers knowing ten won't be enough. "…over-sexed….twit with—"
"Okay, Tris… Tone down the insults," Will, who had apparently followed me, coughs out behind me.
"I'm not insulting her! I'm describing her, damn it—"
"Tris!"
I hear the unmistakable angry tone of Tobias who, as I turn my head, is standing stoic, staring me down as if I'm the last person he wants to see…
Tobias's POV:
I'm trying incredibly hard but epically failing at going over the salary reports laid out in from of me. My eyes keep migrating to Juanita Juares…. She's my in?! She's my in! In what kind of fucked up world do I live in? And…how the hell do I go about this? An effort of friendliness toward her will be misconstrued on her end as romantic advances and I cannot go down that road! Please don't make me go down that road!
Another issue—I need to keep Tris far away from this and the only way I can think to do that right now is to steer clear. No more Dauntless, no more Hangars…and most likely…no friends for a while. Great… Misery loves company and I won't even have that! I just hope Tris stays away from that crazy bitch—
"-you crazy bitch! I know him better than you do on any fucking day! And do you know what else I know?" My heart races at her voice. Not the good kind… The get-the-fuck-away-from-the-woman-who-could-get-you-killed kind! I walk toward the door plotting my next move…
"Can't wait to hear this," Nita snarks. And you will…hear this… Trust me…
"He would never be with you—"
"Well, he has already been with—"
"Shut your fucking stupid mouth!" Shit, Tris! "You are a certifiable….over-sexed…twit…with—"
I see Will say something in her ear.
"I'm not insulting her! I'm describing her, damn it—"
"Tris!" I emit sternly even though I hate that I have to speak to her like that. But she needs to tone it down and I need to make it seem like….mmmmmgghghgh…I'm not fucking thrilled as shit to lay my eyes on her!
She looks at me with her piercing eyes and a look of shock appears on her face…then quickly shame (Because let's face it, she was screaming obscenities in the middle of my office.)…and now… Shit….anger…
I open the door with an annoyed face, gesturing her in so she can cool off and also I just really want to look at her face again…sober. I watch Nita storm to her cubicle and the support staff laugh and hi-five in Tris's favor. I close the door behind me but leave the blinds open. I know Tris is here for a fight and I need Nita to see my face and how un-phased I am… I know she'll be watching…
I observe Tris for a minute as she faces away from me looking out the window. Her hair is pinned-up aside from a few stray tendrils that never seem to quite make it when she has her hair up. She's wearing leggings and I would venture to guess a leotard of some sort under her long short-sleeved shirt tied together at the waist with a belt. She's definitely going to dance class… Fuck…what I wouldn't give to see her dance again…
"What's with the bullshit text?" she asserts not turning around.
"It wasn't bullshit." It was complete bullshit…
"Really?"
"Mmm hmm. I was drunk. I said stupid shit. I'm sorry." Okay, that's accurate.
"Your text said you 'don't really remember' what you said. But apparently you do." Doh!
"Vaguely, I suppose."
"Tobias." She turns around and I get the full body version of Tris and it almost makes my knees weak. We are in a room together…with no one else. "There was nothing vague about what you said last night." I shrug indifferently. "Tobias?" She's calling me Tobias… "What can I say to make you tell me what's going on? What do I have to do?" she asks softly with genuine concern. Fuck…
"Nothing."
"So there is something going on?" Doh!
"Don't twist my words."
"I…didn't," she grits out. "You… We… We were good…" She starts shifting her weight nervously. "Then you came back…from talking to your father…and…well, you changed. Fuck! I know he has some sort of hold on you—"
"You know nothing about my father." And we will be keeping it that way!
"I got more information from Christina about the present whereabouts of your father than from you. You always made it sound like he was this non-entity and I never wanted to push you. You told me…nothing!"
"And I'm not gonna start now," I state plainly.
"Yeah, I know… You have no reason to anymore."
"What does that mean?"
"I did a lot of 'math'…" She uses air quotes. "…last night and I came to the conclusion that you only ever told me things in response to my admissions…as if you felt you owed me that much—"
"No, that's—"
"I told you…well, started to tell you, about Eric…" She swallows at the mention of his name and I do the same. "…early on. And then about Caleb and my parents…at the pier, remember?"
I nod my head at the memory of her emotionless tears about her brother and how moved I was that she was telling me that. I never deserved that…
"The relief I felt…being able to tell someone that…to not try to hide shit… Shit! But you only ever gave me small pieces. Don't get me wrong, I cherished those small pieces… Those one-shots into your life—"
"They weren't just one-shots—"
"Tell me about where you grew up," she challenges.
"You know where I grew up."
"Tell me about it!" she yells as my eyes flit to the window. Seem aloof! Seem aloof!
"Tris…"
"Ha! Yeah… No need. There's not going to be an even trade of information because you sure as hell know I'm not going to let you in anymore!"
I stay as still and stoic as I can even as she spouts bullets out of her mouth.
"If it wasn't because you felt like you had to clue me in on your life…then why did you?... Because from my perspective, you've held back so much…that it almost wasn't necessary in the first place!... So was it to make me feel better? Or just because it was something we had in common?... Tris's ex-boyfriend beat her to hell so I'll let her in a little bit—"
"A little bit?! I told you more than I've told anybody…ever!" Don't lose it, Tobias. Disconnect…disconnect…
"Why?"
"Because I trusted you and—"
"Then trust me…again!... Damn it! I told you everything! Everything! Even things I knew in my heart you couldn't handle…but I told you because you needed and deserved to know!... Stop staring and SAY something!..." She's yelling…. She needs to stop…yelling…
"I honestly…have nothing to say to any of this." BECAUSE I CAN'T!
She immediately calms down and walks close to me, but I inch back. "Can you say something for me? One thing in particular?"
"What?" She's gaining on me…
"You have to look at me." I look her straight in her gorgeous fiery intriguing eyes and my breath is about taken away. She's incredibly close…and again, we are in a room together…alone. "Say, what you couldn't say at my apartment…in my bed." Please…stop… "Say…you don't want me."
I look away at the last words she whispered and I lock eyes with Nita staring at us through the window.
"Please…" I don't want to look at Nita. I can't look at Tris… So I look up. But she grabs the back of my head and holds it like a vice. "Look at me…and tell me…" Jesus… Please, stop… Please, stop… "Say it."
I try to flinch my head away from her iron grip as my face burns from fear and need.
"Tobias James Eaton, I need you to say it so I can…MOVE ON!" Please… Don't move on… "You know what? Let's take this shit up a notch. Tell me…you don't love me. Look me in the fucking eyes and TELL…ME!..." I hate this! I hate you! I hate this! I… "Tobias!"
I rip my body away and storm toward the smaller room. Nita cannot see an ounce of emotion on my face. Tris is, of course, right on my heels as she slams the door behind us.
"There. Now we won't have to make a scene and ruin your professional reputation!" she seethes.
"Yeah! Because that's at the forefront of my thoughts these days! My professional reputation!" I rip my coat off and throw it, knocking the lamp off the desk.
"What is at the forefront of your thoughts?!"
She gets up on the bed. She's now taller than me and she grabs the sides of my head making me look at her and I can't resist it. We are so close that we're breathing the same air. My chest starts heaving at the pressure of our proximity and how amazing it is to be here with her…right now. She loosens the grip on my face and runs her hands to the back of my neck, pulling our foreheads together. One upward angle of my face and my lips would be on hers and who knows where that would take us… Probably to the point of no return-that's where. It would come across as me using her for sex…and that's unforgivable. I glance up at her lips and watch them tremble as she waits for me to say something. It's almost as if her lips are asking for me. But, I can't disrespect her like that. I love her…
"I'm not going to beg you to tell me the truth…" She shakes her head still holding ours together and suddenly my hands are gripping her wrists pleading for her to not let go. "I'm done with that. You can take whatever the hell is really going on here and shove it up your ass. I can even forgive you for that! But I've learned enough lessons in my life to know this—I won't hate you."
"You won't?" I ask incredulously and with very unmanly shaky breaths.
"No. I could never hate you… You saved me…," she moans. God, please… "Made me believe things about myself that I never had… and thought I never would…"
Then she pauses…and I just know…I anticipate…
"But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again… I can't let my forgiveness become…foolishness."
My breath picks up and I can't seem to stop it. She lifts her head and looks into my eyes with grief. I can see the tears about to spill over the soft skin under her eyes and I take a mental picture of this look...I will never forget it. Then she gently runs her thumb under my eye releasing a tear of my own that I didn't even know was there… She watches it run from the top of her thumb down to her wrist. I'm not even ashamed. I grieve for her…and about her…
She releases my head and wipes under her eyes stepping slowly off the bed and making her way out of the room.
"Tris…?" I choke out. "I never said it… Just remember… I never…said it. Please…"
"Said what?" she asks flippantly as she walks out the door as if she didn't just basically put the nail in the coffin of our relationship.
I take two deeps incredibly shaky breaths and walk out into my office in enough time to see her small body exit. She walks confidently down the hall just as Nita strolls by.
"Crazy bitch," I mutter under my breath nodding in Tris's direction as she waits for the elevator.
"Um…yeah. Did you hear what she said to me? Ugh…"
"Yep."
I watch Tris and try to control my breathing and overall composure as she enters the elevator and turns toward me. She's far enough away, but I can still sense her flitting her eyes from me to Nita. We're standing close enough that it looks like we're talking about her. I see a confused look cross her face as the door closes.
"Excuse me, Nita," I excuse myself politely and head toward Matthew.
"Mmm hmm."
He has his head up looking toward where the elevator doors had just closed.
"You really like her?" I startle him out of his Tris-induced trance.
He laughs sarcastically. "Yes…I do…"
"Did you ever take her out…on that date?" I'm going to lose my lunch…
"Nope," he states as he looks down at his newest project.
"She hates fancy restaurants and formal dates," I spit out as fast as I can. "If she didn't…already tell you that…"
If she's going to be with anyone else, it's at least going to be a nice guy and someone I can keep tabs on…as torturous as that will be…
"No, in fact, she didn't. But let me file that one away!" he emits with exaggerated hands.
"Good."
He looks up at the ceiling and chuckles. "You must be out of your damned mind…"
"You have no idea…" He looks at me curiously as I walk away and back into my office.
Locking the door behind me, I enter the bathroom and turn the water on and for a moment I have no idea what to do… So I just start pacing until I get dizzy—her words repeating in my head- "But I'll never get close enough for you to hurt me again. I can't let my forgiveness become foolishness."
She meant…every…word of that.
Tris's POV:
I meant…every…word of that.
(Turning Tables - Adele)
Nita's POV:
And she called me a crazy bitch? She thinks she can barge into our place of work and make a scene! Targeting me? What the hell did I do? Just because I treated her as the miniscule individual she is? Whatever…I'll take one for the team—team Fournita… Oh, my God, I love it!
I watch their interaction, very covertly might I add, and see the look of shock and anger on his face. He keeps looking at me! God, she is probably being so disrespectful to him! Then she… Ew!... She's grabbing his face and he looks… What is that look? Desperate?
"Oh! Hi, Nita! Workin' hard?" I hear the snide annoying voice of Matthew.
"Yep."
"FYI…you're obsession is showing…" he whispers as he pulls up a chair. Get away!
"What?!"
"Obsession… You're obsession with Four… It's oozing out of your seemingly non-existent pores…. Like, did you get a facial?"
"No… And I don't have an obsession. And why do you hate me so much!? Is it because of David?!" David was an idiot… A hot idiot…
"What are you talking about? I like you! People say I have no taste… But I like you!...and yes, it's because of David."
"Well…for your information. David…has a thing for little Trish in there…"
"David." Ooohhhh…. Did I hit a weak spot?
"Yes…Matthew. He all but told me…trying to make me jealous or whatever…as if."
"You really…think he was just trying to make you jealous…?" he asks as if that's not possible.
"Why else would he be going on and on about her? Obviously…just to piss me off!..." I notice a worried look come over his idiotic face. "…Well, well, well…a little threatened by David? Your obsession is showing!"
"Nope, no obsession here…" he coughs out. "I have…begrudgingly…lost that battle on account of our fearless leader…who I fear. He gets the girl! Yay…Four!" Shit! Shit! Shit!
"Four will be getting…no girl—"
"God, you're twisted…" he interrupts. "…so back to David—"
"Relax, Matthew… He'll never ask her out… So have at her!"
"Yeah… Ya see, Nita… she's not the 'have at her' girl… Another thing you two don't have in common… And…Yeah so anyway… Why would David not ask her out?"
"Because of you! Does stupidity run in your family?"
"Well…" he stands and stretches. "I will say this… Everyone has the right to be stupid!"
"I….guess…"
"I will say you abuse the privilege more than most… Bye, Felicia… I mean, Nita. Can't wait to work with ya on the Damen project! Sorry… Yikes… I'm allergic to stupidity… I break out in sarcasm!"
Mmmghghggh! I fucking hate that guy! Him not dating Tris… Tris showing up here… I may have to—
Quickly and quietly Four's office door closes and I see Tris half way down the hall and Four staring after her in a very very strange way…
"Crazy bitch," he mumbles surprising me as I waltz over…
Well, it's not entirely surprising seeing as it's true. It's just unlike him to say anything crass. Hmm…
"Um…yeah. Did you hear what she said to me? Ugh…"
"Yep."
I glance to the left wondering why the hell he is still staring at her. Probably making sure she officially leaves! Right?
"Excuse me, Nita."
"Mmm hmm."
Do I need to make sure she officially leaves? I believe so... Yes, definitely. Fournita!
Just a Feeling – Maroon 5
Blood Stream – Ed Sheeran (perfectly describes Tobias's drinking problem)
Chandelier – Sia (describes Tris's)
I know it may not seem like progress…but it is, I assure you!… Look at the story as a whole...not just because we all selfishly want them to be together…
Please review! But...you're probably not thrilled...