"Couldn't fight back the tears so I fell on my knees
Saying, 'God, if you're there come and rescue me.'
Felt love pouring down from above
Got washed in the water, washed in the blood and now I'm changed
And now I'm stronger"

There are moments in our life that define us; that force us to reexamine ourselves and the path we now need to travel down. And it's at these times we are faced with a cross road, having two decisions to make…go forward and change or stay stuck in our old ways. It is heart wrenching to think that such a simple decision could define the rest of our lives. It's with this mentality that I decided I need to have in order to face this particular day…surgery day. I had to believe, with every fiber in my being, that I wasn't going to lose my baby today like I did all of those years ago. Logan's steady breathing against my chest pulled me out of my trance as we rode up the elevator to the surgery floor in silence. Even though I knew this surgery was going to help him so much, I couldn't shake the feeling of not wanting to be here.

"We'll take him from here." The nurse sweetly said as she approached us. My knees started to get weak. I wasn't ready, I couldn't do this.

"Mommy loves you so much." I whispered in his ear and pulled him close, tears forming in my eyes. I passed him off to Luke who looked just as bad as me.

In the blink of an eye, Logan and the nurse were gone and Luke and I were now sitting in the waiting room. As soon as I dropped my things, I burst out in uncontrollable tears and body shakes. How was this happening to me? This wasn't were I envisioned my future with Lucas. We were supposed to be happy, not two 20 something year olds sitting in the ICU waiting room, waiting on the outcome of our son. I turned my head to the chair next to me where Lucas was. He had the same blank look on his face that I did.

"Hold me." I barely got out. Luke embraced me and I have no idea how long he held me there for. His arms were the only familiar thing right now.

"Hey you." He looked more calm. "Mom dropped some food by."

"I was out?"

"Like a log; didn't want to wake you, you barely got any sleep last night."

FLASHBACK

Lucas rolled over groaning, once he noticed I was not in bed. it was 12:45, Logan must have woken up and he didn't hear it. He figured nothing of it and rolled back over to try and go back to sleep, knowing that I'll be back in bed with him soon. Soon came and went and before he knew it, it was 4AM and my side of the bed was still cold. This made Lucas nervous. He shot out of bed and checked the en suite bathroom, nothing. Muffles from the baby's room soon hit his ears; his feet followed the new sound.

"Pretty Girl, what are you doing? It's late." Slowly I turned to face him, with a tear streaked face, taking my eyes off a sleeping Logan for the first time in who knows how long. "Hey what's the matter?" Inaudible mutters was all I got out. He held me for a bit while we watched our son sleep soundly till I calmed down a bit.

"I don't know what to do. I feel like I should be doing something."

"At 4AM?"

"No, but what if tomorrow…"

"No what ifs. Positive outcomes only remember?" I shook my head yes. "Dr. Pierce is optimistic about it all and we should be too. And besides he's half a Davis and just like his mother, is stronger than you could imagine. So let's go." Luke leaned over the crib and grabbed a sleeping Logan.

"What are you doing?" I whispered following him out of the room.

"Sleeping with my family in our bed. I figured if we would all be together, we'd all get some sleep."

"Ok." I interlaced our hands.

END OF FLASHBACK

My mind flashed back to the present. "Have you heard anything?"

"Nope…going on hour three, half way done." I sighed defeated but there was truly nothing I could do about it.

I pulled out my sketch pad, thinking I would be inspired or something. Nothing. Turned on the tablet, again thinking that mindless TV will distract me. It just gave me something to listen to while Luke was trying to work. By hour four, I was getting restless and didn't want to listen to the show. I couldn't take my eyes off the clock, willing it to go faster. With every passing minute, my nerves intensified causing my hands to run through my hair multiple times. Every time a doctor walked in, my heart skipped a beat, subconsciously thinking it was us on the receiving end of the news. Hour five came and went. Now both of us were watching the clock, completely ignoring our phones, not knowing what to say to anyone who asked how we were or if we got any news. Finally, I spotted Dr. Pierce out of the corner of my eye. Practically sprinting over to where she was, craving any sort of news.

"Hey guys, let me cut right to the chase." she must have saw the fear in our eyes. "He's fine, awake, and alert. We repaired all of the holes." I breathed a sigh of temporary relief. "The second and final hole was more difficult that we expected, but he handled it all like a trooper. Not to scare you anymore but these next 24 hours are going to be crucial due to possible bleeding and other complications. This doesn't always happen but I just like to give my patients the heads up."

"Thank you so much. Can we go see him?"

"Of course. Don't be scared, he's wearing gloves just so he doesn't touch and pry the wound and dressing."

"Thank you, for everything." I left Luke's arms and embraced Dr. Pierce. Words couldn't express my gratitude towards her right now.

"You don't need to thank me, that's my job. I'll try to stop by and see him before my shift is over." She walked away talking to her interns. Happy tears started coming down my face. I melted in Luke's arms. This nightmare is finally over. We passed this hurdle together as a family. Timidly we walked over to the recovery room. Logan was in the corner all the way in the back. I kind of liked it back there; out of everyone's way and enough room for us to sort of spread out. Before I could solely focus on him, I sent out a mass text message to everyone with the good news then silenced my phone.

"Hey bud." Logan instantly recognized who it was surrounding him now, and I'm convinced he just smiled for the first time.

"Mommy and I love you so much." We both now had happy tears streaming down our faces and started settling into where we were going to be staying for the next couple of days.