Our Sweet Bella
Chapter 37
Bella's POV
I stared at the papers In front of me; brochures and internet print outs of statistics of Princeton and Yale. I signed in frustration as I pondered my lists, why the hell did I have to get accepted to two of the best schools in the world. It was impossible to pick between them. Even though Washington state and Seattle University were great, I knew that going to an Ivy League school was a dream and a lot of people would want to be in my position. I had been putting of this decision for weeks and deadlines were coming up and I needed to give my acceptance letter. I finally gave up and threw my lists at the door. In a blink the door was open and Edward had caught the list in his hand.
"What's this?" He asked opening up the screwed pieces of paper.
"Nothing, give it back," I asked making a dive for the paper. I didn't want him to know that I wasn't even considering staying around here.
"Advantages and disadvantages of going to school in Princeton," he read aloud. I wordlessly passed him the Yale pro and con list. "Didn't think this was your way of making decisions."
"It isn't but you try and make an impossible decision like this. When I applied for both schools I didn't think I had a chance of being accepted, but somehow I got into both, how the hell do I pick." God this was frustrating.
"Well which one do you want to go to the most?" Edward asked and I looked at him, he couldn't be serious.
"If I knew that answer, I wouldn't be in this mess," I answered.
"What I mean is, when you applied for both schools, you must have researched them." I nodded, what was his point. "Well when you applied which one did you want go to more."
"Either, they both sound amazing, when I applied I thought I may have a chance to get into one of them, I never dreamed I'd get into them both." I stared at the application forms again and shoved them in the cupboard next to my bed; this could wait one more day. Right now I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. I had a thrill every time I said that. Yes Edward was my boyfriend, I couldn't help but smile.
"Sorry about the boring school talk, I've just been putting it off for ages and I now realised that the deadlines were coming up, so cue major freak out," I rambled on. "Right end of School talk for today anyway. So how have you been?" I had only seen Edward this morning after he sneaked out of my room.
"Fine, you, minus your little freak out," Edward said smiling.
"Missing you," I said snuggling up to Edward.
"We only saw each other this morning Bella."
"It was too long," I mumbled like a child. "Why don't you enrol at Forks High, we could be together all day, and all night. You did that when I was little."
"We already, go to a school in Seattle," Edward reasoned.
"People transfer all the time."
"Look a bit suspicious if a whole family named the Cullen's came into town, people will question our relation to you. Anyway you only have a few months left of High School." The problem was that the next part was University and I wouldn't admit, why I was so scared of that chapter in my life.
"Let's not talk about this anymore, it's depressing me," I said, starting to kiss his neck.
This time I constituted the kiss. It had been three weeks since we finally got together and minus the passionate kiss in the meadow, the total times of intimate moments could be counted on one hand. Actually, our romantic moments were sly kisses at his house or when he climbed into my window at night. Despite what you may think all we do is talk and he holds me, which is nice don't get me wrong, but I wanted more and I knew Edward was reluctant. This started a whole load of new insecurities. Why didn't Edward want to kiss me? Even though it was wrong, I was comparing my relationship with Mike, if could call it that, with my relationship with Edward. With Edward it felt more real and went a lot deeper than your typical high school relationship, it may seem cheesy and probably every girl my age will say the same thing, it felt like true love. Ok kill me now, I sound like a bad high school movie, imagine the ripping I'd get of Emmett if he heard me talking like this.
With Mike the relationship, wasn't real and it certainly was not deep. With Mike in a way was totally a physical thing, which is weird, because we never went further than kissing. My meaning is that Mike always wanted to go further with me but I never wanted to. I guess, again with the cheesy lines, I was waiting for the right guy. Edward was that right guy and I wanted so much more with him.
I decided not to wait for Edward to make his move; it took him months for him to admit that he loved me. I was not prepared to wait months for him to make another mood. It was time to take action. I moved my kisses from his neck and travelled upwards until I reached his mouth. Edward groaned when I slipped my tongue in to his mouth. Instead of pushing me away like I thought he would Edward, relaxed into the kiss and kissed me back. I groaned in pleasure as well. Edward started to push me back, so I was lying on the bed with him on top of me. I smiled, now this was more like it. I started to move my hands up his body and grasped him so he couldn't escape; well not like I could stop him. I contemplated taking his top off, but thought that might be pushing it a bit. As the kiss intensified, Edward seemed to become more awkward and uncomfortable, until he practically came like living stone under my lips and hands. Then Edward pulled back and distanced himself from me. I stifled the want to groan in disappointment, but couldn't keep the look of my face, I hated it sometimes that my face was like an open book.
"Sorry," Edward mumbled. What the hell does he have to be sorry for? We were having a good time; well I thought we were having a good time.
"Well I'm not, do you realise, and that has been our only proper kiss in three weeks. Why don't you kiss me like that more often?" I said not caring that I sounded like a whiney girlfriend. I don't think it's a total unreasonable request, there's a difference between taking things slow and snail speed.
"You know why," was Edward's only answer. This only infuriated me more. If I was going to have another speech about how it was dangerous, I was going to kick off big style.
"No I don't know why, because truthfully I don't think your argument about it being too dangerous is reason enough. Edward I agreed to be careful but this is ridiculous, you hold me at night and nothing happens, I think you have more control over yourself than you think. Anyway whatever happened to saying, practice makes perfect," I said trying to snuggle up to Edward again. Edward immediately pushed me away, gently but the meaning was quite clear to keep my difference. Seriously this kind of rejection could destroy a woman's self-confidence, something I was lacking already.
I reluctantly pulled away from Edward and pulled myself to a sitting position next to Edward and folded my arms and sulked. Childish I know, but I didn't care, Edward was treating me like child, so I would act like a child.
"I'm sorry Bella, but it really is dangerous," Edward tried to reason with me but I huffed in rejection. What was life without a little bit of danger. "Listen to me for once. I know it must be frustrating but when it comes to your safety I'm not taking any chances."
"But what if I'm willing to take the chance," I said. Many people may think that I'm gambling on my life, but I wasn't. I trusted Edward and I had all the faith of him in the world.
"Do I have to remind you what happened last time I lost control with you, I nearly killed you?" I flinched at the memory. Of course I remembered why he would bring that particular memory up, like I could forget that night.
"Of course I remember, I also lost my family that night if you remember," I shot back at him. I was getting angry now. An uncomfortable silence came between us. I didn't know how to proceed so I just sat back and steamed. Finally the silence was getting on my nerves so I decided to speak. "If you don't want me, just tell me, stop making excuses." The moment the words came out of my I regretted them. I sounded so desperate; I hated to sound like that.
"Bella that's not what this is about. Bella you have no idea how much I want you, how much this is killing me to refuse you," Edward said and I almost believed him.
"So why don't you?"
"Bella you may have confidence in my self-control but I don't and I don't want to risk your life. You have to know this is new for me as well; I have never been this intimate with anyone, ever."
"Honestly never," I said surprised. Did he expect me to believe that? "Oh come on Edward, your over a hundred years old. Also have you checked the mirror lately, I'm sure it wasn't because girls weren't interested."
"It was the more about the fact that I wasn't interested in them. I was saving myself for the right person. Bella never think that you're not the right person for me. Give me time, but both of us need to take this nice and slow, for both our sakes but I will try, I promise." I was the right girl. Ha, I couldn't wait until I met that slut Tanya again, so I could rub it in her face.
"That's all I ask," I said, once again wrapping myself around Edward. I knew that wouldn't be the last time I had that argument with Edward, but I was letting it go for now.
"Let's change the subject," Edward suggested and I agreed. Immediately regretting it when Edward grabbed my college leaflets and acceptance letters from my drawer.
"Let's talk about anything but college," I said trying to grab the letters from his hands, unsuccessfully.
"No Bella, let's talk about this now," Edward insisted.
"Fine then," I huffed grabbing leaflets of Edward.
"So your choices are either Princeton or Yale." I nodded. This was so frustrating; I had acceptance letters from two of the greatest schools in America, even the world and I couldn't decide between the two of them. "What subjects do you want to take?"
"Pre Med," I answered easily. The answer has been the same since I was eight; I wanted to be a doctor.
"Really, Carlisle will be so proud." Edward smiled and I shrugged, trying to be indifferent of Carlisle's reaction.
"I can't remember wanting to be anything else," I said, "well apart from a concert Pianist." I smiled at my childish dreams of being a great concert pianist, people coming from across the world to hear me play.
"Before the war, I used to want to be a concert pianist, my mother encouraged me to be one and I wanted to make her proud." That was the first time Edward had ever spoken about his human life with me. I was desperate to hear more about his human life and his parents but I decided on questioning him on it, deciding that he will tell me when he was ready. Edward was quiet for a moment and I kept quiet as well, giving Edward a moment to sort out his thoughts.
"What made you decide on these two schools?" Edward asked finally. I decided to answer honestly.
"While I was at the children's home, I had a hard time dealing with everything," I said leaving it at that. I really hated talking about my time at the home, but I couldn't ignore that part of my life. "I had to see a counsellor named Mrs Combs. She talked to me about my future and I told her about my desire to be a doctor. Mrs Combs was very helpful and gave me lots of books on science and talked to me about University and what schools were the best for medicine. Since then I wanted to go to Princeton or Yale. Daisy and I used to talk about attending Princeton together, rooming together, me doing medicine and Daisy doing performing arts."
"Did Daisy apply for Princeton?" Edward asked.
"No, Daisy decided she didn't need college. Two months ago, Daisy phoned me up and announced she was moving to Italy with her boyfriend she had been with for three weeks. She told me that she would ring me the moment she was in Italy to let me know she was Ok. That was two months ago and I haven't heard a word from her, I tried to ring her but the phone is no longer in service. I don't know maybe she's fine, but I can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong with this Alex guy."
"I'm sure she'll be fine, she'll phone you in a few days," Edward said, but I still wasn't convinced. "Is that the reason that you are stalling your college acceptance letter, that you're worried for Daisy."
"No, when I applied, I couldn't wait to start school, but now I'm finding every reason not to go."
"What are your reasons?" Edward asked.
"For eight years I had no family, the only person who I had to look out for was me. Back then College was a chance to change my life for the better. Now, I have two families that I love and I don't want to lose that. If I go to Princeton or Yale, I am on the other side of the country from Angela and her family and I don't want to lose them, they mean too much to me to just let them go. Then there is your family, ten years I waited for you to come back, if I leave now, I may lose you again, maybe forever this time."
"Bella wherever you go, we will still be your family. I don't think anyone will let you go that easy. When you go to school, I can guarantee that the Cullen family will be a constant guest at your dormitory." Now that did make me feel better.
"Bella, dinner will be ready in half an hour," Heather Webber shouted to me. That apparently was Edward's cue to leave.
"You don't have to leave, you're always invited to stay for dinner," I offered.
"Thank you but I think I'll pass. Don't really fancy forcing down dirt that you call human food. Don't worry I will be back later tonight, right after everyone has gone to bed," Edward said and I smiled. Edward kissed the top of my head. "Love you." With that Edward left.
With one last look at the University brochures and picked up Princeton one. I scanned through it for the seemed like the thousandth time. I remembered how me and Daisy said that we would go together. Even if Daisy wouldn't be able to join me, I decided that I would go.
With a smile, I made my decision and started to type out my acceptance for my place in Princeton.