AN: I do not own the Cullen family or Bella Swan. If you are still one of the few who is enjoying the story enough to leave a review, than I thank you for that. Reviews tell more than anything else about this story, so to those few of you who still find time to review, I dedicate this chapter to you.

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Journal Entry Twenty-Seven – Falling Anyone? [Buttermilk Mountain]

We arrived at the lodge around 4 pm; Alice and Rose were the first out of the car and at the desk to register. Even maintaining a semblance of human speed, the two of them moved quickly. Bella, on the other hand, took her time. First, she had to gain feeling in her legs; we had been on the road for fifteen hours, so her legs were slightly numb. Second, as she exited the car, she stretched so she could work out the kinks in her back; she explained all of this to me later when we were alone in her room.

I remained patient as I allowed her to do whatever she needed; I was in no rush, and I wanted Bella to feel as comfortable as possible. I had no real knowledge of what being confined in a car for an extended time would feel like for a human.

As soon as she was ready, I escorted Bella into the lodge. Being in a new area of the mountains, I knew this was a recently constructed lodge. I could smell the fresh sweet scent of lumber and the newly applied wax on the beautiful wood floors. Every piece of furniture and all the decorations in the lobby also carried that scent of newness as we crossed the floor toward the desk.

"You must be Edward Cullen and Bella Swan," the concierge behind the desk stated.

"Yes," I replied simply.

"Just sign in and your luggage will be brought up to your rooms. You, Miss Swan, will be in room 218, and Mr. Cullen you are in 209. If you need anything, just ring the main desk and we will be pleased to serve you."

As a listened, I realized it was a rehearsed speech; more than likely all desk personnel were required to memorize it. In almost every hotel we had ever stayed in, I had heard something similar. I guess it was a good thing, but I always believed it would have felt more welcoming if the people greeting the guests had sounded more natural and sincere in what they were saying.

After we signed in and the concierge gave us our room assignments, he then rang the bell on the countertop next to him signaling a bellhop to come to our aid. He and a fellow bellhop picked up our bags and led us toward the elevators. It was a familiar routine to me, but I watched as Bella drank everything in with fresh eyes. It was easy enough to see that this was her first stay at an expensive hotel. As we exited the elevator, she once again carefully scanned the hall taking in the elegance of her surroundings; I had a feeling she felt out of place but I was unable to administer any reassuring words to her with two bellhops around listening. The bellhops ushered us to her door first, and before I left for my room, I whispered so only she could hear, "I'll be right back." Then I allowed my escorts to show me to my room. After tipping them generously, I showed them the door refusing any more unneeded assistance. I waited until I heard the elevator doors open and close before I swiftly left my room and returned to Bella's door knocking lightly on it.

"Oh Edward, you should have warned me. I never meant for your family to spend so much on a trip for me. I feel guilty," she had opened the door, turned, and walked to a plush sofa situated near the large picture window in her room where she promptly sat down – all the time talking as she moved.

I closed the door quietly behind me and followed her into the room. Once she had seated herself, I sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her. "Bella, a Cullen never does anything half way. Jasper and Emmett always book the best rooms. In fact, the rest of the family has suites because they share a room, but since you and I are not married, they thought it best we have our own rooms, and I think Emmett had already realized you would feel guilty about a suite, so he booked you one of the more simple rooms."

"Simple? You call this simple." She had raised her voice slightly as she spoke. "I'm sorry Edward, I don't mean to yell at you or your family; it's just that I'm not use to this lavishness."

I pulled her close to me and she laid her head on my chest. I wanted to lighten the mood, so I laughed softly as I said, "Bella, you have agreed to marry me. Soon you will be a Cullen as well; maybe it is time for you to understand more fully that this is the way we live," I chuckled more with that word. Then I clarified, "Maybe 'live' is not what we really do, but when we stay places we pick the best, and when we shop we buy the best including clothing. It's not to flaunt what we have that we do this, but because of the quality of the materials used in clothes, bedding, sofas, and the rest." I paused in case she wanted to add or ask something, and when she didn't I continued, "Remember how careful Alice was when choosing the fabrics for your clothing?"

She nodded her head, but made no verbal reply.

"She does that because of the feel of the material. I once explained that we have extra sensitive senses and touch is one of those senses. Anything coarse or rough irritates our sense of touch. It doesn't hurt us, but it makes us . . . well, I guess for a better choose of words, feel uncomfortable. I would compare it to you sitting on sandpaper instead of this soft plush fabric." I paused again hoping Bella understood what I meant.

"So you mean it is done more for the sake of your senses, than to show me or anyone else how much money you have." She commented into my chest causing vibrations to run through me from her words.

"Yes, exactly," I was relieved she understood, but was tempted to pull away from her because of the feelings being aroused by her vibrating words, another type of touch that set my senses tingling.

She saved me from being the one to pull away when she pulled back slightly and looked up at me. "So, your sense of touch is extremely sensitive. Does that include how things feel to you when I touch you?" She asked as she reached up to caress my cheek.

I grabbed her hand and began to kiss each of her fingers as I murmured, "Yes, and I think you have been aware of that for some time now. Your touch on my skin brings me as closer to heaven as I ever thought I would be allowed to go." To emphasize some of what I felt, I pushed her gently down on the sofa and hovered over her staring into to her expectant look before lowering myself even so carefully so I could cover her lips with mine, but still mindful of the fact that I wouldn't lay my weight upon her lest I hurt her.

We might have continued kissing on the sofa except for the soft knock upon the door. "Bella, honey, may I come in?" Esme gentle voice called through the door.

I quickly began to right us but Bella stopped me, put her finger to her lips, crawled onto my lap so she was snuggled up against me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and then lowered her head so she had it tucked between my chin and my chest. Then Bella cooed – yes, cooed, even I couldn't believe it at the time – "Come in Esme."

Esme glided in and without a second thought or look, she said, "I think you're spending too much time around Emmett my dear, but since I know Edward is such a gentleman, I'm not worried. He would never do anything improper." She quickly changed subjects, "I came to see if you needed anything, but I guess if you do, Edward can acquire it for you." She gave me a meaningful parental look as she added, "Have a nice evening," and then she turned and walked out the door closing it quietly behind her.

"You little tease; you did that on purpose," I scolded placing my fingers under Bella's chin so I could tip her face up so I could look her in the eyes. She had a playful smile on her lips and I notice her eyes were merrily twinkling. She had enjoyed every minute of that.

"I'm sorry Edward, but only if I embarrassed you. Esme knew we were behaving." Her voice took on a teasing tone as she continued, "She trusts you too much to think you would do something reprehensible. One would think you . . ." she stopped abruptly and sighed. When she spoke again, she seemed more subdued. "Esme said if I needed anything, you would get it for me."

"What do you need Bella?" I asked softly. "Anything you want, I will get for you."

"If I really thought that were true," she whispered under her breathe, but she never finished the thought. Instead, she asked, "Could I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of cold milk?"

She didn't have to say it because I knew she was slightly upset about the boundaries around our affection. I could not do anything about those boundaries because I kept them there to keep her safe. Whenever I was around her, I kept foremost in my mind the fact that she was fragile, and I feared if I ever allowed my emotions to take over they would block out my mind's careful control. Loss of control could lead to inadvertently physically harming Bella by allow things to progress to a point where my passion would overwhelm my sense of protection. All it would take was one squeeze too tight, and I could crush her rib. I knew the day would come when I would no longer have to hold back, but even that day scared me because I feared that my overabundance of passion might scare Bella more than my refraining from it caused her frustration.

In response to her request, I gently lifted her off my lap, sat her on the sofa, kissed her forehead, and said, "I'll have room service send it up as soon as possible."

Softly, she replied, "Thank you."

I watched her the entire time I was on the phone, and her body language informed me that she was feeling somewhat rejected. Everything had been so light while she had been teasing with Esme, but then she backed off after her comment about Esme trusting me, almost as if she thought . . . thought what I wondered. Did she think I held back because of Esme, or could she believe there was still some other reason I might hold back, and if she did, what reason might that be in her mind? I replayed her words in my mind while I talked on the phone. She had said, 'One would think you,' and then stopped. What might one think about my relationship with Bella? Everyone in the family knew how much I loved her, and they knew why I treated her so carefully, but that was my family. They knew the truth. If an outsider looked at us, what might he think about our relationship? Would he see it as respect that I held myself in check? It was what a gentleman would do, or at least did, I reminded myself. Times were different, I countered to myself in reply. 'How would it be seen by this generation?' I thought.

I was still pondering that when Bella's light supper arrived outside the room. The waiter knocked only once before I opened the door. I took the tray from him and tipped him generously so he would promptly leave, but I hesitated before closing the door because of his thoughts.

'Oh my, she does look upset. I hope he isn't trying anything improper.' He tipped his head just slightly between thoughts, 'No, she looks sad like sis did when that guy jilted her. Is that what is happening? Has he led her on and now doesn't feel the same way about her? Poor kid, to feel unwanted, how terrible,' and with that I did begin shutting the door and he turned to leave as I did, but not before I heard, 'I hope he lets her down easily. Scar her for life if he doesn't.'

His thoughts triggered one of my own. 'Could she think I hold back because I don't want her? Haven't I explained how careful I have to be?' I decided it would be best to tell her straight out why I pull away when I do. She has to know I do this because of me and not her, and the last thing I wanted between us was any kind of misunderstanding.

I sat beside her with the tray in my hand and began, "Bella honey, I think you might misunderstand some of my actions." She looked straight into my eyes as I spoke those words. I saw a flash of fear appear and her hand almost automatically grabbed at the ring that hung on the chain around her neck. Her reaction caused me to speak more quickly. "When I pull away from you, when we are, well, becoming a little more passionate than is safe, it is because of my lack of control and not because I don't want or need you." As I spoke the words, I knew they were the truth; I did both want and need her, more than I ever imagined it would be possible for me to want or need anyone – especially need with an ache that actually hurt. Pain was another emotion I was not very familiar with anymore, but this pain at times was intense.

Without pulling my eyes away from her, I placed her supper tray on the coffee table so I could take her hands. "Bella, I need you, and I definitely want you, but I have to be careful because if I ever lose sight of the fact that I could harm you by losing control . . . well, I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I hurt you." She had her eyes still fixed on mine, but the fear was slowly draining from them. "I love you Bella; I will never let you go. It is too late for that because I couldn't exist without you. What you must realize is that if it was safe, I physically would take hold of you and never release you. I would keep my lips on yours so I could continually savor the sweetness of them. I would allow my hands to run all over your soft, warm body . . ." I realized I was suddenly going too far, so I reined my wandering thoughts in so I could tell her the rest. "When I was growing up, my mother told me that a true gentleman keeps himself chaste until his wedding night. He saves himself for the woman he loves and finally makes his wife. She said it would demean the experience to do otherwise. Now that I have fallen in love, I believe she was correct. I don't want to degrade our wedding night by rushing our first time together, but it doesn't mean I don't want you, or that I don't find you desirable. Quite the contrary, I find you even more desirable by denying myself some of the more intimate times we might share."

I noticed a few tears were sliding down Bella's soft, warm, pink cheeks. I lifted her chin just slightly so I could kiss away those few tears. Even her tears were sweet to my pallet, but I pulled myself back to my intended task.

"The other side of our relationship is the fact that I have to be careful that I don't break you," I explained. "Every time I kiss you, I want to lose myself in the experience, but then I have to remind myself to stay focused on your bodily needs that keep you alive, like breathing. If you stop breathing, I must remind you to breath, but it also means I have to remove my mouth from yours. In addition, there have a been a few times that I have had to remind you of other human needs you have, or you might have gone hours without recognizing them. In a great many things, Bella, you are still a child. I want you to have the time to grow into a young woman before you or I take any addition major steps. We have time Bella, we can enjoy each other's company without pushing the boundaries into areas we might both regret, not because we don't love each other, but because of the respect we have for each other."

There were more tears rolling down her cheek but her eyes were finally clear of all fear, and what I saw reflected at me was pure and total love and respect. I felt I had done the right thing by being open and honest with her. She had once said she wanted no secrets between us, and I knew I had given her the truth about why I held back as much as I did.

Being a vampire who lived among humans had always meant learning to control some of my baser needs, but never before had I ever had to learn to control any male needs; I had never really known they existed within me before Bella. Emmett once told me man wasn't born to be celibate, and I replied by laughing and saying that belief only applied to him and that many men remained celibate out of choice for many years. Emmett only grinned and retorted, 'One day you will understand what I mean, and I won't have any sympathy for you.' That day had come; love had ambushed me. In fact, it had ensnared me without my being aware that I was capable of feeling that kind of love for anyone.

Sure, I loved Carlisle as any son loves his father, and Esme, as my mother, had all the love I could give her as a dutiful son. I loved my siblings equally, even Emmett, although he annoyed me faster and more often than anyone else, but the love a man has for a woman that form of love died within me when I died. I had never envisioned it happening to me. I had the typical immature belief – it happened to everyone else, but never me – syndrome. Even if Alice had warned me this was going to happen, I would not have believed her. I walked blindly into loves trap and I had no desire to escape from it.

"Bella," I whispered as I pulled her into my embrace and then softly murmured into her ear, "I am yours forever."

She replied first with a soft moan of delight, and then whispered just as softly, "As I am yours."

I didn't keep track of how long we sat just basking in our love while holding each other close, but what finally brought me back to reality was the rumble of Bella's stomach. She laughed softly as she said, "That is something I will not miss after I'm changed."

I chuckled in response as I asked, "How do you know it doesn't happen after the change?"

Before answering, she placed her lips on my neck, planted long gentle sweet kisses in a line from just below my ear, down the side of my neck to my cheek, and then worked around the corner of my lip. It was the most exciting form of torture she could have inflicted, especially when she stopped just shy of my lips meeting hers. Then she spoke. "If it were true, then I would have heard Emmett's stomach rumble quite a number of times over the past year."

"What if he never allowed himself to become that hungry while he was around you?" I laughingly replied while waiting for what I felt was a promised kiss.

"No, I've seen Emmett really hungry, but even then his stomach didn't growl." Before I could respond, she placed her lips on mine, but only until her stomach began to growl again.

I pulled her away gently as I said sternly, "It's time for you to eat, and afterward explain to me why you were anywhere near Emmett when he was hungry."

"Edward, it was no big deal. Emmett had waited a few extra days before going out because he wanted to go with Rose, but she couldn't go until she finished some project she was working on in the garage. I was never in any danger, not from Emmett," she responded in a rush. Then she picked up her sandwich but before taking a bite she added, "You really need to trust your brothers more. I know accidents can happen and so do they, but we all watched for them. I think they watched you more than each other because I don't think they trusted you." After dropping that little piece of truth, she took a large bite of her sandwich knowing she would not be able to answer any questions until she washed down the peanut butter with the milk.

She took her time finishing her light meal, and made sure she had enough food in her mouth at all times so she wouldn't have to answer any questions until she chose to; Bella could be stubborn when she wanted to be. I waited patiently, and kept my anger in check.

'How could they of all people not trust me around Bella?' I fumed internally. Even before declaring my love for her, I was careful around her. I avoided her as much as possible, but in the one class were I couldn't avoid her, I spent all my time keeping her safe mostly from herself. I hadn't realized I was doing it, but as soon as Bella finished her last slow sip of milk, she looked pointedly down at my feet.

"Really Edward, there is nothing to be upset about, and if you keep tapping your foot like that, we will get complaints from whomever is in the room below this one."

As soon as she spoke, I looked down and realized I had been tapping my foot, rather fast and somewhat harder than was acceptable.

"I guess I'll have to be more careful about upsetting you," she laughed lightly.

"I'm not upset with you Bella," I replied taking her empty hands. "What I don't understand is why they didn't trust me? I never heard any thoughts from them about their concerns, and besides that, I would never have done anything to harm you. Even though I would not admit to myself how I really felt about you, somewhere deep inside of me the truth was evident."

Bella leaned in and kissed my cheek, before saying, "That is why they were worried. They knew you were keeping something from them, but they didn't know which way your feelings were turning. You wouldn't talk to anyone about how you felt, so they thought you were staying silent because you didn't want to upset them if you . . . well, you know – if it would have turned out poorly." She smiled slightly and kept eye contact. She was trying to read my feelings just as much as I was trying to read hers.

"I would never have harmed you," I declared vehemently.

"I know that, but they didn't, and my word didn't really reassure them."

"Alice would have known; she would have seen it, and Jasper would have felt it." They must have had a better picture of what I was going through than I did.

"No, it wasn't that easy. Alice saw too many things in relation to you and I, and Jasper said your feelings were in constant turmoil. At one point, Emmett suggested the three of them kidnap me and hide me in a place you would never think of looking. He never said where that place was, but Alice advised caution because she was afraid it would set you off and cause you to do something they would all have regretted." She must have seen something in my eyes because her grip on my hands tightened. "Edward, that happened the same week that Alice decided to plan the surprise birthday party. All three believed that they would force you to reveal what you were really feeling. You must have been very confused because Alice complained that your swiftly altering decisions were giving her a headache. I didn't know vampires could have headaches, and I was stupid enough to suggest she take some aspirin. Everyone laughed at me, and when I realized what I had said, I laughed too."

I could not help the chuckle that escaped at her revelation. They really had been protective of her; even if it meant protecting her from me, they were willing to do whatever it would have taken. The thought of Bella suggesting the aspirin also inspired my laugh. I realized I had nothing to be mad about; if they would have gone to such lengths to protect her from me, I had no fear that they wouldn't do whatever was necessary to protect her from anything or anyone else that might come along to harm her.

After having room service retrieve her dinner tray, I left Bella briefly; I gave her time to prepare for bed. I told her she needed a good night's sleep before we went out skiing the next morning. I gave her half an hour before I knocked softly on her door. I heard her murmur come in, and I did making sure to lock the door behind me as I did so.

Bella's bed was much larger than the one she had at home, but she still cuddled up next to me leaving almost no space between us. She slept all night long without talking in her sleep once, but her morning routine remained the same, and I could not help but remember Rose's words, which caused me to wonder if Bella squirmed the way she did intentionally. It was torture for me only because of the feel of her so close, and her movements rubbed against me in ways I had never experienced before falling in love with her. I resolutely set my mind to the thought that after we got married, she would definitely find out what her squirming like that did to me.

The thought of that day caused me to smile and chuckle softly, which woke Bella up because she asked, "What's so funny?"

"You are," I replied non-gallantly.

"What did I do or say this time," she mumbled into my chest.

Her vocal vibration on my chest was another action that I looked forward to revealing the consequences of when the time came. "You remind me of mole," I murmured softly, coming up with the first response I could find.

"How?" She asked. I doubt she had even opened her eyes yet.

"You keep burrowing into my chest. If you're not careful, one day you will put a hole in it," I chuckled in response.

"Not likely Mr. Granite chest. Why I do it is beyond me, since it is as hard as a rock, but it does smell really nice, and" she ran her hand across my chest, "It feels safe here."

"Okay, enough talk. If we are not careful, this could lead to an embarrassing moment. I hear Alice suggesting it is time to come and wake you up. Emmett is anxious to get on the slopes and give you your first lesson. He is convinced he will have you up on skies and skiing down the slope in half an hour."

Bella laughed, "What is Jasper betting him?"

"How did you know?" I asked slightly surprised.

"I've been around those two for an entire year. They bet on everything," she chuckled more. "Okay, I'm getting up, but maybe you should turn your back until I'm out of bed."

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Let's just say my nightgown might be a little too revealing at the moment."

I wasn't too sure if she meant it was shorter than the ones she usually wore or if there was something else I didn't know. Being the curious creature I was though, I watched in the mirror on the dresser as she got out of bed, and even though my back was to her, I saw what she meant. Her nightgown was the usual long one she always wore, but this morning it had ridden up and I could see her panties as she got out of bed so she could pull the gown down. Being inhuman was a good thing, because if I had been human, I would have been the one blushing, but they were pretty panties and that I was not going to deny.

'Shame on you Edward,' Alice scolded from her room. How she had seen that, I wasn't sure, but I smiled anyway. Maybe it wasn't right, but that was my fiancé in the bathroom, and a small preview, I decided, wasn't against the rules. I just had to remind myself that one small preview didn't mean I could have others, and I would need to keep my curiosity in check from now on.

Bella took her usual half an hour to get ready, and I used that time to rush back to my room to mess up my bed and change my clothes. I figured there was no need to get loose tongues wagging if the maid found I had not slept in my bed.

As soon as I returned to Bella's room, I ushered her down stairs for breakfast. She had no sooner finished eating when Emmett and Jasper showed up.

"Are you ready sis?" Emmett asked cheerfully.

"Yes," she replied as she rose from her chair.

"Emmett and I chose this place because they cater to beginners. There are some very nice slopes to choose from, and none of them should be very daunting for you," Jasper informed her.

"Well, let's go then," Bella chimed happily.

Jasper and Emmett had been right when choosing Buttermilk Mountain. The ride up the slope revealed a number of easy short runs designed specifically for beginners. We chose the lowest and shortest run to begin Bella's lessons.

The snow was pristine and I knew Bella was impressed with the mountain itself. It rose majestically up into the sky and if she looked carefully enough, she would see what was obvious to my eyes. A myriad of tracks ran down the slope in multiple directions. They left geometrically crisscrossed designs in the otherwise virginal snow.

Emmett had informed us that a new blanket of snow had fallen overnight covering the past tracks of skiers who had preceded us in the past week. Since it was a newly opened ski slope, we had the advantage of few carved in tracks that would make skiing for Bella more difficult.

"Come on Bella; we'll have you skiing down this slope in no time," Emmett announced.

Even Jasper had not foreseen how wrong Emmett's expectations would be; we spent all morning showing Bella how to take a proper stance, how to hold her poles, and how to lean into her movement down the slope. Bella's first five attempts landed her on her derriere, the next five saw her tipping over sideways as she tried to push off with her pole, and the next three landed her face first into the snow, and that was all in the first half an hour. She constantly over compensated by leaning too much one way or another. The experience did not daunt Bella, however. She valiantly righted herself, with our help, and tried again.

As the morning wore on, Bella became slightly less valiant, and at one point, she was near tears, but Emmett teased her about ending up with ice cubes running down her already pink cheeks. It was enough to spear her on, but I watched her carefully. I didn't want her becoming over exhausted or over frustrated. What I saw happening, however, was Emmett's teasing and joking coming out at just the right time to encourage Bella to persevere.

She spent all morning trying again, and then, just before we broke for lunch, Bella actually skied ten feet before she toppled head first into the snow. She came up laughing and claiming she had managed to achieve a partial goal.

I noticed as she got up how the snow clinging to her face and a few strands of her hair glistened like small diamond chips, and I realized how amazing Bella would look in diamonds. The glittering and glistening heightened Bella's pale coloring, and made her face more radiant than I'd ever seen before. My thoughts began to contemplate a way to present Bella with a gift of diamonds that would sparkle along with her personality, while not spending anything on the gift so she could not refuse it.

While part of my mind worked on solving my dilemma of the gift, the other part was watching Bella as she smiled at all three of us and proclaimed, "I will ski down this entire run even if I have to fall one hundred times in the process."

That thought alone caused me to shiver, but not from the cold. I could not afford to bring her home damaged, so if she was going to fall one hundred times, I promised I would be beside her for each one, and I would make sure she suffered no harm from any of them. That was my mindset as we all returned to the lodge so Bella could have lunch.