BPOV
There isn't really a way to describe the safety I felt being cradled in Edward's arms. It was unlike any other feeling I have ever come to experience in my short life. For what must have been hours he sat, patiently, persistently, lovingly tracing circuits through my hair, across and around my cheeks. His arms around me never relented, always steady, always there. I clung to him, desperately seeking the permanence that came with his touch. Knowing that we would never be apart was a truth I craved more than air.
I fought with drooping eyelids, afraid to lose consciousness. Would he still be there when I woke up? Would he still be holding me? Would he still love me? I had forgiven Edward for the things he kept from me, for his distance. Now the most important thing was helping him to forgive himself.
I tilted my tired eyes up to his face, immediately finding purchase in warm lips. They covered mine with promise and hope. Apology and acceptance, were clear and expressed with each movement of his mouth over my own. I kissed him back, gently, lethargically, wiling my arms to cradle his face and to trace the planes of his cheeks and throat.
"I love you." I whispered, needing to say it, needing him to hear it. Because it wasn't about wanting him to say it back, even though every time he did I never failed to catch my breath, it was about him understanding how much he was needed, how much I craved him.
His response was to reach out for my lips again, his warm fingers wrapping around dark strands to lay my head against his sturdy shoulder.
"Sleep." He simply stated.
I closed my eyes.
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My sleep wasn't haunted by restlessness or nightmares. Nor were my dreams tainted with visions of loneliness and regret. I knew now that I was safe and cared for, that Edward didn't hate me. I understood, although the realization was painful to endure, that I would no longer feel alone.
Instead, the pictures that floated around my exhausted subconscious were merely images and reminders of the previous nights events.
The altercation between Edward and Jacob.
The childish pediatric room.
Edward's black brace.
Rosalie finding me, hunched over, leaking an obscene amount of tears. Utterly pathetic, desperate for reassurance.
"Bella?" I didn't look up to confirm the whereabouts of the familiar voice. Only the slightest flickering of blonde hair and warm, soft hands pulling at my own brought me to conclude that it was indeed Rosalie who had found me in my unsightly state.
I sniffled, the gesture unflattering at best. She gave me a weak, sympathetic half-smile. "Bells." She cooed, procuring a wad of crumpled tissue from her purse.
I received the gift with shaking fingers and a meek 'Thanks.'
I hadn't left Edward's room yet, the wheel of cast-colors sat unmoved beside me on the paper covered bed. The nurses hadn't come back, no one had asked me to kindly relocate my sobbing form.
I worried briefly that I was occupying a room that could otherwise be used for a patient in need, but my mind didn't care about my sympathies, and so I remained stationary.
"He just left." I chocked, rubbing furiously at the unceasing pools of liquid that seemed to constantly cascade along my cheeks. Rosalie's warm hands moved to pat at my shoulders. I wasn't surprised that Rosalie was offering me some sort of comfort, in fact, I was touched by her obvious effort, I just didn't feel like company and unless she had news on Edward's whereabouts I didn't want to listen to her empty reassurances.
"Please, just go." I implored, sniffling loudly into the tissues, feeling gross and sad and pathetic on several counts.
"I don't think so, Bells." She answered simply, running her manicured nails through my knotted curls. "It's okay to cry, hun. It's over." She offered, but her words only served to deepen my emotional wounds.
"You're wrong. It's only just started." Edward hated me, he hated me. There was no getting around that now. "He hates me." I stated, my voice as dead and lazy as I felt.
God... was I ever going to get over this?
Rosalie just shook her head as if my words meant nothing, were nothing. "You're wrong, Bella. Edward loves you, he's just... overwhelmed, you know? That dick didn't have a right to show up tonight, he screwed up everything. We were all taken pretty off guard." I hated that she was so obviously defending him, even though everything she said was completely true.
I didn't want to blame Edward, but hearing her reiterate all the happenings of tonight was doing nothing but bringing my current situation into the light. I was alone, and... I was hurt, beyond repair it both seemed and felt.
"He hates me." I repeated, feeling utterly dejected.
"Bella, stop it. Edward couldn't hate you, none of this was your fault so stop being so dramatic." She stated bluntly, flipping her hair nonchalantly over her shoulder as she continued to rub my back.
"Of course it's my fault, Rose! Jacob came to get me, if it weren't for me, Edward wouldn't be hurt right now." I pointed out, dropping my face to my palms.
I was so sick of hurting Edward. It was my fault for everything that had gone sour these past few days. I was the one who suggested we visit with Charlie, which was a total disaster. I was the one who showed up here without really taking into consideration how my father would feel about it. Even though I could care less about what Charlie thought at this point, maybe if I had taken some time to leave a note with a phone number and an empty promise to call every hour on the hour than he wouldn't have sent Jacob here. Add yet another fault of mine; keeping Jacob in my life when it so obviously upset Edward. It didn't even matter that I had no clue as to why such an animosity existed between my boyfriend and my sort-of friend; my loyalty had always and would always reside in Edward. I should have kept Jacob away from the beginning.
I sighed.
And now I was here, reminding him of all the hurt I had put him through. I was the one who put him in a position to hurt himself. I felt like such a failure to him. Of course he hates me, I hate me.
"You can't seriously be blaming yourself for Edward's injury. Bella, come on, you didn't know Jacob was going to be there. Hell, you didn't know Edward had such a problem with Jacob." She offered, angling herself to better face me. I didn't make the extra effort to mirror the gesture; just swept shaky fingers through matted curls and asked the one question I needed answered.
"What exactly happened, Rose? I mean, I have a pretty good idea...but..." Rose's hand paused along the curve of my spine, and I watched out the corner of my eye as she pulled her fingers to her lap.
"Edward asked me to tell you." She stated simply, nudging my tired form with her knee. "Bells, this whole thing... it really sucks, for both parties involved. But, because Edward has been my friend for so long I can't help but be on his side." She paused for a moment and I turned to her incredulously.
"My loyalties don't belong to Jacob. After tonight it will be hard for me to even look at him." I knew what she was doing. She was warning me that this story was going to paint Jacob in a negative light. Well, I expected that, and frankly, I couldn't care less. Jacob wasn't important to me like Edward was important to me.
"Alright. Well, it all kinda started when Addie first moved here. It was the summer before our sophomore year." I nodded, willing her to continue. "Edward met her the first week she was here, and they hit it off immediately. Addie's dad worked as some sort of travel journalist and I guessed they moved around a lot to accommodate his assignments. Anyway, he was working on some articles for a travel journal about the Pacific Northwest, and I guess they were doing a big feature on some of the local beaches. La push beach was one of them." I nodded, getting where this was going.
"Addie would sometimes go with her dad on an assignment because she liked to see the places her dad wrote about. She went with him that first day to La Push and I guess that's where she met Jacob." She shrugged, crossing her ankles and swinging her legs in a rhythmic fashion. The gesture was soothing in a weird way, and I kept my dead eyes on her red ballet flats.
"They became really good friends, and I guess Jacob had asked her out but by that time she and Edward were already dating." I cringed a bit inwardly at the awkwardness of their situation. I blinked the errant thoughts away, staying silent as an invitation for Rose to continue.
"Anyway, that's when the whole 'feud' between Edward and Jake seemed to start. Addie was really good friends with Jake and would go to visit him sometimes, and Edward didn't like that she was spending so much time with him. She just called him out on his jealous bull shit. She was funny that way." Rosalie smiled a bit to herself, before shaking her head.
It was weird to think that Edward wasn't the only one who had gotten close to Addie. Rosalie and Alice were her good friends it seemed, and it made me kinda sad, like I was filling this void for all of them. But, when I got over the selfishness of those thoughts I found the necessary sympathy that Rose deserved, she was remembering her friend, and I needed to be there for her in someway or another.
"I'm sorry, Rose." I whispered, hoping she would get that I was trying to be understanding. She just gave me a sad half smile and nodded. "It was a long time ago." She insisted with a flick of her wrist.
"Things just seemed to blow even more out of proportion when Addie found out she was pregnant. And then all hell broke lose when Jake found out. He came over to Edward's house and screamed at him for putting Addie in this position. Edward told him to mind his own business, and then.. well the rest you kinda heard earlier. They just fought all the time. Jacob was always insisting to Addie that Edward wasn't ready to be a father and that he would leave her. He told her that Andy was just a mistake to Edward." She sighed, scratching absentmindedly at her forearm.
"Edward wasn't nearly as bad, but he did ask Addie to stay away from Jake. I guess you can imagine how confused Addie must have been, she was just so... overwhelmed. I don't think any of us realized how much of a toll it taken on her mental health until, well... until Andy was born." I nodded, understanding coloring my face. It must have been so scary for Addie to witness such hostility between two of the most important people in her life.
"I'm not saying that Jake didn't deserve Edward's rage tonight, because he definitely did. But, I mean... this is such a touchy subject with Edward. Don't be mad at him for hitting Jake or for over reacting, because Jake shouldn't have come here tonight." I nodded, understanding completely.
"I'm not mad at Edward. Just worried." I insisted, shaking my loose hair to fall around my face. "It just seems like everything is changing. I feel so... I don't know. Like I am incapable of stopping it, you know?" She probably didn't, but whatever. She would get my point.
"Yea, I know it seems that way. But, maybe it doesn't have to be all for the bad. I mean... Emmett told me about what happened with Charlie." Wait, Emmett knew? I gave her a questioning glance. "Edward talked to him that night. It may not seem like it, but Emmett and Edward are really close, they talk all the time. In fact, that's where Edward is right now, talking to Emmett." She explained.
It wasn't surprising that Edward was close to his brother. Edward loved all of his family, including Rosalie and Jasper; he was just that kind of guy. It just worried me to pieces what exactly they were discussing.
"Bella. We can go up there if you want to see him." I immediately shook my head, although the gesture made my heart heavy. Every part of me longed to see him, to hold him, to make sure he was all right.
Every part of my being loved him, and I felt that every part of me would crumble and be destroyed if he decided that our relationship was better off if it didn't exist.
"Bella, although it may not seem like it, this could end up making you guys stronger." I gave a weary look. "Think about it, now all the cards are out on the table. There aren't any more secrets. You are both scared, not just you. Edward seemed so...broken when I left him upstairs. You are both feeling raw right now, everything is out in the open. Embrace that, don't hide from it." She advised, reaching for my hand and incasing it in her own.
"Come on." And I watched as she made to stand in front of me. She tugged my arm until I was upright beside her.
I woke up sometime later to the sounds of a steady beating heart monitor. Blinking my eyes I realized first and foremost that I was no longer encased in Edward's familiar and warm arms. Second I realized that I was alone, not just that I was solitary in the poor excuse for a hospital chair, but that I was in fact the only individual to occupy the entirety of the room. Or so I thought...
Andy was awake, and his gentle cooing and crying noises immediately brought me to my feet.
I heard voices just beyond the barrier of the thin wooden door, but I couldn't be bothered to identify the speakers because I was too preoccupied with calming the tiny toddler who lay in front of me.
I didn't know how long I was out for, but the faint light spilling through the white hospital blinds hinted at the early morning hours. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, stumbling groggily toward the plastic covered infant bed.
Andy's little hands were patting gently at the tiny cut out circles where his daddy's hand usually occupied. I immediately stuck my fingers through the slot, gently tracing what I hoped were calming patterns along his fore arm.
"Hi, baby." I spoke softly, bringing two fingers to my lips and blowing him an air kiss. "It's okay." I cooed, smiling as his little fingers made a fist around my thumb.
I noticed that sometime during the night one of the nurses must have taken him off ventilation as he was breathing on his own, albeit slightly weaker than normal. He only had two IV's in his arms now, versus what seemed like dozens that were in place just yesterday afternoon. He had some of his color back, and I wondered that the medicine the doctors had placed him on were actually helping more than expected.
I tugged a bit at his hold on my thumb, frowning at the cries the gesture seemed to emit. I immediately relocated my fingers to trace through his auburn dusted curls, listening for the little contented sighs the gesture usually procured.
"It's okay, Andy. I'm here." I pried my eyes away from his for just a moment, searching for the little red button that I found along the wall just above his bed. I pressed it, knowing that he was uncomfortable.
Three soft beeps seemed to echo in the hall just outside the door and immediately the metal knob was twisted, a frazzled looking Edward all but running toward the bed.
"What's wrong?" He immediately stated, coming to stand just behind me. I continued to trace my fingers through Andy's fine hair and along his soft cheeks. "He's being fussy." I supplied, turning my face slightly so I could better see Edward's concerned gaze.
He nodded with a tight smile, pushing his arm through the other circular opening and tickling at Andy's toes. "It's okay buddy, Daddy's here." He whispered, and Andy's glassy eyes immediately snapped to Edward's face.
"Da." He spoke, the sound muffled by the plastic barrier, but only slightly.
"That's right." Edward breathed shakily, sighing as he rested his chin along my shoulder. "Da is here." He chuckled nervously.
A nurse stepped in not a moment later, carrying an IV bag. "His medication is running low." She offered as an explanation to Andy's uncomfortable status. Edward and I watched quietly as the woman replaced Andy's IV drip. "This little guy is a trooper, the doctor is really pleased with his progress." She stated. That brought a small smile to my face as Andy's scrunched up nose seemed to relax.
"Dr. Weston should be in momentarily to run a few more tests. If he is no longer contagious, you will be allowed to hold him." Edward wrapped his free arm around my waist, giving it a tight, happy squeeze.
"Thank you." He whispered as she left the room. He released a long sigh, laying a small kiss to my cheek.
"I think your daddy's excited to hold you, Andy." I spoke, giggling as Edward's fingers found purchase at the skin of my hip, tickling me slightly. "Hey." I pouted, elbowing him gently in the stomach until he relented. He just shook his head, his unruly hair tickling at the side of my throat.
"Don't be mean, Da." I warned, hoping the smile on my face came through in my voice. Andy repeated the sentiment. "Da. Da." My smile widened.
"See, he agrees with me!" I pointed out, twisting my face so better access his green eyes. "Listen to your son." I warned, smirking as he rolled his eyes.
"Whatever, Bellda." He teased back, closing the few centimeters of space between us by pressing his lips to my own. It was a quick kiss, but I enjoyed it nonetheless, smiling when I pulled away.
We were silent for a few moments, watching Andy as he settled himself back in for a short nap.
At some point I removed my arm from the plastic box, pressing my palm to the outside of the container. "Did you really mean it?" I wondered aloud, smiling as Andy's little mouth formed a cute little 'o' around a gentle yawn.
Edward pulled his arm away too, moving to wrap both his arms around my waist. "Mean what?" He questioned, eyes never leaving his now sleeping son.
"Did you mean what you said... about Andy being lucky to have me as a mother?" I spoke, so curious and desperate for reassurance. I hoped Edward knew that I had no plans to give up on our relationship. I hoped Edward understood that he was it for me. I hoped he understood that I would never need to look anywhere else for love, because I was already overwhelmed by the amount he had for me and that I had for him.
I wanted to be with him forever, in whatever capacity I could be. Whether it be as a friend, a best friend, a girl friend... a wife. I wanted that with him, I wanted a family someday, when we were both older, when we were both ready for that kind of commitment.
I wanted to adopt Andy as my own son, if Edward would let me. Because I already considered him in the same light I would hold my own child. He was a part of Edward, and I loved Edward so therefore loving Andy just came naturally.
Edward breathed a quiet chuckle against my shoulder, his lips pressing against the shell of my ear. "Of course, sweetheart." He insisted, pulling me back to rest against his chest. We were both quiet, enjoying the happiness and the honesty of the moment.
I knew it might have been too soon to discuss the future beyond the next few months. I knew, logically, that a couple our age shouldn't have worries beyond finding matching prom attire, but I couldn't help but wonder about what the next five...the next ten years might hold for my life.
I hoped that I was happy, with Edward, with Andy... I hoped that I never had to leave them.
I knew, logically, that couples our age were not at all concerned about these kind of things, that, in most cases, they didn't have reason to be, but I also knew that the relationship I shared with Edward was anything but normal.
Dr. Weston stepped through the door then, interrupting my inner musings. "Hello." she spoke, her indifferent tone colored just slightly with a hint of pride. "Mr. Cullen the test results came back negative." She informed, and the smile that broke out on Edward's face was so genuine that I couldn't help but catch my breath. "He's no longer considered contagious, however I would still like to keep him here for observation and a few more dosages of his medication regiment. He can go home as early as tomorrow afternoon if his health continues to progress in his favor." The click of the locked hinges seemed to make Edward fidgety as he reached an excited hand out toward the upturned plastic cover.
"He was very lucky that we caught this in time. Remember, plenty of fluids and lots of rest." Edward thanked her again, his smile so bright as he carefully picked up Andy in his strong arms, conscious of the medical drip.
"Thank you." I reiterated, giggling at Edward's smile as Andy gripped onto one of his fingers tightly.
"You're welcome, Miss. You're son is lucky to have you two as parents." She stated before leaving the room. I stiffened at her words, but couldn't help the smile that fought to break out over my face. Edward seemed equally shocked, but just smirked at my frozen form.
"It's okay." He promised, nodding his head in Andy's direction in an effort to bring me closer to him. When I was standing just behind his shoulder he turned his face back, dropping a warm kiss to my forehead.
"I love you, you know that right?" He whispered. I nodded immediately as he offered to place his tiny child in my arms. I gently framed my arms in a cradle and sighed when Andy's little body was passed to me.
"I love you too, Edward. I love you both."
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A/N: Sorry for the semi-late update. Thursday was crazy busy for me. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! See you Sunday! :D
~Lauren
P.S. OMG OVER FIVE HUNDRED REVIEWS! I cannot be more thankful to everyone who takes the time to read my story and to give it a chance. Thanks especially to those who share their thoughts and comments either by review or PM.