A.N. Ello everyone! Sorry for the short delay, but we hope you enjoy this chapter. ~ciao
Kit-Kat was gone. She had left to go to outer space. As far as she knew the older girl wouldn't return for several days. With her gone, however it was up to her to take care of herself. Kit-Kat had left the other day claiming she had someone she needed to check on. The older girl hap apologized for leaving her alone but apparently checking on this person was an unavoidable necessity. Kit-Kat had asked her if she thought she'd be alright, making sure to tell her everything she could and couldn't do and everything she could and couldn't eat. She had only shrugged her shoulders and walked into the other room.
She was still very tired. Her body's energy was being constantly zapped as it used its advanced healing capabilities to repair the damage done to her from years of abuse. The doctors had kept her unconscious for three whole months while they used every technique in their power to try and save her. In the last couple weeks since she'd been brought to Kit-Kat's house the older girl had taken the liberty of introducing her to as many new and wondrous things as possible. She had forgotten what real food tasted like after so many years of eating just hard tack and gruel.
She was bored. It was on odd feeling. After being so used to having a routine, to always having something to do, somewhere to go or someplace to be the sheer maddening silence of the empty house was unsettling. She found herself wandering around the now familiar corridors from room to room. When that got old she walked to the room that Kit-Kat had called her gym and began to use the various pieces of equipment. The punching and kick-boxing bags were a welcome distraction as she landed blow after carefully placed blow on their solid surfaces. She had to take it easy, however. Her body was still healing and her strength was still nowhere near where it could be.
She grunted as she landed one last punch. Kit-Kat hadn't really allowed her to do many exercises. Her former comrade was still far too concerned about whether or not she was ready for such strenuous activities. She found this slightly irritating. She had endured constant beatings and violent treatments and still completed complex missions in far worse conditions than her current status. Being treated like glass was the farthest thing from what she wanted. Thoughts of Kit-Kat and her attitude towards her training made her wonder exactly what the other girl's true intentions were. Part of her wanted to ask, but part of her didn't want to know. It was another odd feeling inside. Fear. She was afraid of knowing, scared of finding out that this woman that used to be her dearest friend was helping her out of some great ulterior motive.
Shaking the thought from her mind temporarily she decided she'd had enough of a work-out. Her stomach gave a rumble in protest. Apparently she'd used too much of her energy because her rebellious body was now demanding she replenish what was spent. Sighing for no other reason than that she was utterly frustrated with her lack of agenda she walked in to the kitchen and searched for something to sate her newfound hunger. She had been left a small supply of snacks with all sorts of foods and drinks for her in case she got hungry. She reached into the cabinet and pulled out a box of cheesy fish crackers and pored herself a large cup of some sort of mixed fruit juice. Walking back to the living room, she plopped down on the couch, letting herself sink into the plus softness of the cushions.
Flipping on the television she kept searching through the channels until she stopped on a random cartoon. It made no sense to her but she watched it anyway. Some points of it she almost found humorous. Kit-Kat had made an offhanded comment that she needed to smile more; a funny comment since she rarely ever smiled. Smiling, and the emotions that brought about smiles were things she had been forced to do without. Sadness, joy, even anger had been virtually wiped from her range of emotional capabilities. Emotions were not needed to complete a mission, only tact and obedience. She had heard the older girl mutter something about teacher her to live again. She hoped that was a good thing.
When the program ended she picked up the remote and began to do what Kit-Kat had called channel surfing. One program after the next flipped on and off the screen. It was almost amusing how the pieces of dialogue, when followed during channel surfing, could form strange and even nonsensical sentences. Cooking programs, home shopping networks, and other random programs trying to grab the viewers' attention always seemed to have varying levels of volume but the loudest seemed to be the commercials. She hated being in the middle of a quiet show one minute and being blown away by the loud advertisements between segments of the show. Well, not hated. Annoyed was more the word. Annoyance was another new emotion she'd become reacquainted with, one she wasn't sure she was ever going to enjoy.
She finally settled on another program deeming the storyline worth following. It was seemingly some sort of soldier movie. The plot seemed to be full of mystery and intrigue but she found it highly unrealistic. Half of the stunts and "dangerous" feats attempted by the main character were sloppy at best. She found more errors than she'd care to mention as the program rolled on. Suddenly, earsplitting explosions rocked the house. The familiar sounds of battle reached her ears as the screen of the television went fuzzy. Footage of a battle appeared before. Mobile suits of all sorts of makes and models were battling it out. She could name each suit by heart, knew their stats and limitations.
She ran to the window and threw open the curtains. Her eyes widened at the site in front of her. The same suits visible on the television were battling it out in the distance. She couldn't tell which side was right or wrong, but she could tell who was winning. Several of the beams and bullets had flown past them hitting the surrounding buildings and she found herself holding her breath. Were there people in those buildings? Had they had the chance to evacuate? She had always been in the cockpit of the suit; had always been the one blowing things up. She'd only attacked when following direct orders and it had never bothered her before, but this…? Her eyes widened as she watched a house crumble while another went up in flames. It was terrible. Was this truly what war was. She hadn't truly thought about the results of battle in a long time. She'd never really considered all the possible outcomes of such violent actions. She pulled her knees to her chest as she watched the carnage continue. It was horrible.
The sound of the television fuzzing over got her attention as a young woman began to speak. She found herself hard-pressed to walk away from her view of the carnage. A girl that couldn't have been more than a few years older than herself appeared on the screen. The girl's cerulean eyes held nothing short of determination. She studied the face, heart-shaped with high cheekbones and a regal nose. Her honey-colored hair had been left down except for two braids on each side that helped accent her bangs. She knew this girl even before she introduced herself; there was no mistaking her after having stared at her younger likeness for years. This girl was none other than who she had been training to be: Relena Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom.
"My name is Relena Peacecraft, chief representative of the Sanc Kingdom. Our country is presently under attack following OZ's declaration of war against us. Armed combat counters the Peacecraft philosophy and the beliefs of the Sanc Kingdom and our pacifism. However, if our nation becomes a target for OZ to conduct their battles I shall renounce this country's sovereignty and dissolve this nation. Total pacifism should not be the cause of battle under any circumstances. I am therefor surrendering myself to OZ. This is to further my ideal of peace. Stop the fighting at once. You no longer have a reason to fight this battle."
The screen went black and she found herself stunned to silence. The sound of the battle had finally stopped. It suddenly seemed too quiet. The girl had surrendered everything, given it all up to protect not just her people but her ideals as well. In a way she viewed this action as cowardice. Retreating from battle when one still posed a fighting chance seemed illogical to her. On the flip side, however, it also takes great courage to sacrifice oneself for others. What the young princess did she did for her people to stop the death and destruction. She wondered, briefly, what she would have done had she been in that situation. Had Dekim's scheme been allowed to succeed and she had been forced to take the throne of Sanc would she have been able to do the same. She doubted it. Master Dekim wouldn't have wanted to give the kingdom up without a fight.
She shivered at the thought. Master Dekim. If he had his say he would have sent her out there to eliminate the enemy. She felt her blood run cold. She was a killing machine, trained and perfected in the art of battle. With a single swing of her hand, a flick of her wrist in the correct way she could easily kill someone. Flashes from the earlier battle ran through her mind. She had done that. Under his orders she had done so many horrible and even unspeakable things. What had she become? She glanced down at her hands and, for a moment, saw the blood of her many victims dripping down onto her lap.
"No… I'm… I'm not like that anymore… am I…?" She heard his laugh, his evil, triumphant laughter. She could almost feel his boot as he abused her once again. She could hear his harsh voice sneering at her, see his cold eyes fill with glee as one blow after another landed just where he wanted them. She saw mission after mission flashing through her mind, imagined the faces of the people she'd hurt. She heard him yelling at her for any hesitation, an instinct he had all but ground out of her. This wasn't real… couldn't be real… but it seemed so real…
"No… please stop… stop…" She put her hands over her ears, closed her eyes, curled up into a fetal position as she begged the visions to leave her.
"You belong to me!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" She ran then. Jumping off the couch she began to run. She didn't know to where, she didn't really care. She was just running. She just wanted to escape her waking nightmare. She ran until she reached the study; dark, silent, secluded. She ran to the farthest corner and curled up on the floor in a fetal position, her knees pulled to her chest as she began to rock back and forth. Nothing else mattered as she found herself once more battling with the demons of her past.
The glance down on the neon digital read out of her car showed that it had only been three minutes since the last time she'd checked it. Even with going 80 plus, around the winding roads up the mountain to gain access to her private villa, it was taking too long. The sky was cloudy and felt like dusk even though it was 9 in the morning. Lightening raced across the heavens causing her a moment of awe before it was followed by a down pour. Instantly she couldn't see any more than a foot in front of her and the while she knew this road like the back of her hand her speed had to reduce down to 40 miles per hour.
"MONKEY POGO!" She smacked her hand out against the steering wheel before making herself take a deep calming breath. Yelling wasn't going to get her back home any faster and even if it did she had a feeling she was going to need every reserve of calm she had to deal with Serene. It had been four days since Sanc fell, and Serene hadn't sent a message or replied to any of hers like she'd told her too.
She also knew she was pissed off because the job she'd accepted hadn't worked out like she'd planned. She'd been sent in to dispose of a problem. The guy was nuts and a danger to everyone. She'd gone in expecting to just take care of the guy but when she'd arrived he'd gone over board and it had become a hostage situation. She'd got it finally worked out while saving the little boy but still it had her on edge mostly when she had Serene in the back of her mind.
32 minutes later Thiana gave her first sigh of relief as she turned off of the main roads and started working her way back towards her villa. Luckily the rain had lightened enough that she could see, as these roads were hardly used and were extremely dangerous. When she finally did reach her house the relief fled as not a single light was on in the house and while she knew they both had excellent night vision the feeling in her gut twisted to nauseating worry as to what she'd find.
What would seeing the battle have done to Serene? Would it make her revert back into her shell and become the soldier Dekim had tried to create or would it make her break down. Thiana wasn't sure what the answer would be and that worried her.
When she finally stepped into her home the silence held an eerie quality that any horror movie would die to have. When not a word was sent back in reply to her calling out Serene's name, the feeling grew worse. It didn't help that with the shadows, and the windows being open it made the inside of her house seem like one of those fun houses at the carnivals that aren't so fun. She quickly started shutting each window going through her home one room at a time making sure everything was secure, making sure nothing was damaged, and quietly searching for Serene. She turned on a light in each room brightening the house up as she raised the temperature to warm the house up. It had been warm when she'd left but in the short week she'd been gone their Indian summer had fled and fall was biting at everyone making way for winter.
"Serene! Come on, where are you?" She called out as she finished checking every room except her bedroom and her study.
The sound of the thunder barely reached her consciousness as the storm raged outside. How long had she been sitting here? Did it even really matter? She couldn't stop the visions. She couldn't shake the feelings of the past washing over her like a tsunami. She saw it all over again, every mission, every battle, every victim. Her mind reeled with a constant cyclone of confusion hurling her deeper and deeper into the depths of her own mind. She could hear him yelling at her, feel the pain all over again from the multiple beatings. She saw his face as clearly as though her were standing in front of her that very moment. She heard his cruel voice as it gave her instructions and criticisms by the hundreds.
"You will do as commanded. You are nothing more than a soldier; a servant to battle that must obey their betters at all costs. Nothing more."
All the years of his teachings and torture session were swimming before her eyes. She pulled her knees up closer, rocking back and forth at a slightly faster pace. She'd seen the visions many times now. It was almost time to relive the worst one of all. Fresh baked chocolate cake, a gentle smiling face offering a warm hug, a dinner made with love. Then the worst. Five soldiers, each scarier than the other. Her mother's screams. The soldier's laughter at her expense. It was all happening all over again. Four gunshots. Their rough hands as they pulled her out of her mother's house. The final shot and the sight of her mother's lifeless body dropping to the ground.
She saw his face again. She heard his words about a soldier's purpose in this life. He told her she belonged to him, told her she lived only to follow his orders. His face was quickly replaced by scenes from the battle. It had happened so close, been so very real. Never had she seen battle from a distance; she'd always been merely a part of it. She heard his voice time and time again, finding it impossible to shake him. She covered her ears but that didn't stop the voices. Suddenly, through the darkness, she heard the sounds of the storm once again. She heard her mother's soothing voice from so long ago reassuring her about it.
"Don't be scared dear heart. The sound of the thunder is merely the angels playing a noisy game and the lightning is nothing more than the lighting display at their party."
She let the peace of her mother's voice wash over her, this time like a gentle tidal wave. It calmed her, temporarily chasing away the angry visions, replacing them with the memory of her mother's warm, safe embrace. It was only after her nerves began to settle that she heard a voice desperately screaming out her name. It was Kit-Kat. It had to be. Raising her voice uncharacteristically loud, she yelled over the storm.
"In here!" it was one of the first times she'd responded to anything the older girl had said to her. She just hoped she wouldn't be angry when she found her in her study.
She strained her ears to catch even the softest of responses. The child had hardly responded to a word she'd said throughout her entire stay at the villa. It hardly stood to reason she should answer now. She hoped that was the only reason for the child's silence. She was never one for religion but if ever there was a time to pray to whatever god reigned above it was now; a prayer for the child's safety. She called out once more, holding her breath for fear of missing an answer.
"In here!" The voice that responded was understandably hoarse from too many weeks of silence but to her it was one of the greatest sounds she'd ever heard. It seemed to be coming from down the hall in her private study. What the girl was doing in a place that was so obviously off limits she intended to find out and correct the issue immediately. As she rounded the corner, however, all thoughts of a reprimand flew from her mind at the sight of the pitiful form in the corner. Curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth sat Serene. She had obviously not been eating anything and the look of pure fear and confusion in her eyes made Thiana's blood run cold.
"Serene…?" She uttered her name softly, taking one tentative step closer at a time. It was impossible to tell at this moment how Serene would react to her presence having gone through such an ordeal. She stopped and knelt down, just close enough to touch her but without making any physical contact. To her surprise the younger girl did not retreat from her advance and even slightly seemed to relax.
"I'm so sorry... I never should have left you alone." Serene looked away from her and Thiana couldn't tell if her apology was being rejected or if the child was merely uncomfortable with the current situation. She recalled a time not too long ago where she sat in an attic contemplating things and had found comfort and reassurance in Treize's guidance. She sighed and ran a hand through her unruly hair. Things had been different then; she and Treize had formed a bond that could chase away those difficult times. Serene barely trusted her anymore. How could she possibly help someone who clearly wanted to be beyond her reach?
"I don't know what you're thinking, but I know what you're going through. I can help you if you let me." She held out her hand, a small gesture but one that seemed right. Serene looked at her, her ice blue orbs studying her offered hand, than meeting her own black-blue eyes. She held her breath and kept completely still, afraid that any movement might spook the younger girl. After what seemed like a small eternity Serene placed her small, thin hand in hers. Thiana couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips. It would indeed be a long road to recovery, but perhaps this was the first step: a step down the path to a new life.