Fate's Reflection Chapter 36, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

Entering their cafeteria, Jolinar scanned the small room with mild interest, noting the blue cloth on all the tables, each vase with a carnation inside. Pausing by a table, she tentatively stroked the petals of the flower.

In return, Sam studied Jolinar, Sha're's mirror image, as she observed soldiers going by. Her eyes lit as she recognized a few before they dulled with sadness as she remembered how they'd fared in her reality. She went back to studying the flower with utmost fascination.

"I have never seen this blossom before," Jolinar said, her index finger tracing the small petals before dropping her hand, fearing she would damage it.

"It's a carnation," Sam told her. The Tok'ra nodded.

"Ah." Touching the petals again, Jolinar smiled. "Flowers from Tau'ri are quite rare. You must be in the royal court to view them. I have never seen one of these."

They continued on to the counter. Sam picked up two trays and handed one to Jolinar, explaining she could use it to carry her selections. "You can pick out whatever you want to eat."

One of the workers in the canteen stood behind the neat rows of food; her tag read Lucy, and she smoothed her white uniform as she smiled. She gave Jolinar a curious glance.

"Hello, Major Carter. Miss—"

Jolinar smiled. "Jolinar would be sufficient."

Lucy gave a polite nod, patting her hair bun back into place with one hand. "Um hm...Can I tell you about our specials today, ladies? I can recommend the meatloaf surprise or the macaroni and cheese."

Jolinar's eyebrow went higher, her gaze turning to Sam.

"Uh, I'm just having coffee, thanks."

"Do you have chocolate?"

Sam blinked as Jolinar directed her question to the server. Lucy looked surprised, taking a closer look at her and noting the blue flightsuit, indicating she was a guest.

"Ah...yes, we do." She walked further down the counter towards the desserts. "We have chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, chocolate mousse pie, pudding, milk, chocolate chip cookies..." Lucy trailed off at the sight of Jolinar's interested face, realizing the Tok'ra wasn't stopping her. "Uh...Miss Jolinar? What would you like?"

Jolinar tilted her head, thinking. She then nodded. "That would be fine."

Lucy chewed her lower lip, glancing back to Sam, confused. "Uh...excuse me? Which one?"

Jolinar blinked innocently. "The ones you have mentioned."

"Y-you mean all of them?" Lucy stammered.

Puzzled, Jolinar tilted her head to the side as she nodded. "Did you not say they were chocolate?"

Lucy appeared flustered. "Uh...yeah...I uh...guess I did. Go ahead and take what you want from here. I'll go get the ice cream." The woman turned around, giving Jolinar another weird look over her shoulder before departing.

Sam didn't know what to make of it. She stared at the Tok'ra, who was standing there looking oddly like a tourist as her gaze wandered around the room, tracking the soldiers' activities.

"Hungry?" Carter joked weakly as she helped load up Jolinar's tray with a sampling of all the chocolate desserts.

Smiling, Jolinar shook her head as she followed Sam to a table and sat down. "It is not for me." She paused, running a palm across the tablecloth. "They are for Dan-yel."

"W-what?" Sam forced herself to clamp her mouth shut. "Excuse me?"

The Tok'ra brushed her hand down her clothes like they were made of fine silk, and she revealed white even teeth as she smiled quickly. It faded just as fast. She looked down at the table, her hair falling forward.

"He once told me the food he missed the most was chocolate." Jolinar patted her clothes again. "He should have it at least one last time."

"Aren't you upset?" Sam blurted.

Jolinar blinked, raising her eyes. "About his impending death?" Pausing, the Tok'ra thought about it. She shook her head. "Why should I be? His pain will end."

"True, I guess." Fiddling with the salt shaker, Sam silently agreed, remembering the lines of agony etched on Dan O'Neill's face. Thinking of something else, she paused.

"But won't you...miss him?"

Jolinar looked startled at the question, rendered speechless for a moment. She opened her mouth to speak, finding no words. She lowered her head again, her voice even lower.

"Yes. Yes I will."

Sam studied her fingers, wondering how to start. She didn't even know why she was here herself!

"You did not ask me here for this question," Jolinar surmised.

Jolinar's gaze swept over her, studying her. It gave Sam the overwhelming feeling of being pinned under a microscope. The major squirmed in her seat, unsure why she was uncomfortable with the scrutiny. It wasn't like she hadn't been in the eye of attention before.

"You were once a host." The Tok'ra sat straighter. "I sensed it before, but you made no mention so I did not pursue it."

Sam only nodded again.

Regret colored Jolinar's eyes to a gray. "I am sorry. Was it Goa'uld?"

"No...actually...it was...it was Tok'ra."

Jolinar's eyes widened. "I see." She fell silent for a moment. "The Tok'ra died?"

"Yes. An assassin called an Ashrak came and...tried to destroy us both, but-"

"The Tok'ra gave up its own life to preserve yours," Jolinar finished.

Sam nodded sadly. "Yes. You don't sound surprised."

"You did not have a choice to become its host."

Surprised, Sam stammered out, "How can you tell?"

Jolinar shook her head, eyes glowing once in memory. "Often, when a Tok'ra dies, the host opts to go along with it. Separation is too painful for the host, much too empty for the person to continue on. But you..." She tilted her head, studying her. "I sense its remaining soul, but yet you live. It must not have been for too long. And the Tok'ra choosing to give you life meant it regretted forcing you to be its host in the first place."

Sam gawked at Jolinar before she finally remembered to get her mouth working again. "That's...that's very insightful of you."

"I have lost many hosts, many good comrades who chose to accompany me in battle. There was once a time, I thought I was dying as well, back on a planet called Contel."

An odd flutter danced in Sam's stomach. "I've seen the mines in Nasyia."

Jolinar looked startled but didn't press. She continued on, reaching out to the flower once more as if for strength. "I had hidden in a man's body but felt my energy would soon dissipate. It was a sudden jump, and I offered to leave, let the host survive. He...he chose not to and gave his energy to me." Her eyes dulled, lashes hooding them as she recalled. "He lingered between life and death, keeping me alive until my comrades arrived with reinforcements and gave me another host. That was before I was assigned to Abydos and met..." She gestured to her own body. "Her."

"Does she ever emerge?" Sam asked softly, mentally noting Jolinar's face was thinner. Or should she be saying Sha're's face?

"No." Shaking her head, Jolinar's lips curved downward. "I found her dying, hiding in the grave pits with her husband's and children's bodies, waiting for her turn to join them. I was pursued by the guards. My host...the host at the time, thought it best if I hid in her and my first host body continued on, leading them away."

"And you left your host? Just like that?" Sam blurted out.

"At the time, I had too crucial information to die. Otherwise, I would have never, ever abandoned her."

Sam was amazed to see tears glistening in Jolinar's eyes and was speechless. Jolinar stared back at her, a sad smile on her lips.

As if remembering, Jolinar wiped a stray tear with her hand and cleared her voice, sitting straighter. "Who was your Tok'ra?"

Sam stiffened. She lowered her eyes and swallowed. "Uh, actually, it was—"

"Here you go, ladies." Lucy set down a bowl of ice cream on the large full tray in between the two women. Sam jumped in her seat. Jolinar surveyed the dish with an arched eyebrow and glanced up at the worker.

Lucy was eyeing the Tok'ra. "Uh...is that enough?"

Jolinar gazed at the tray again, her eyebrow higher. "Yes. I believe this is quite sufficient, thank you."

"Uh huh." Lucy gave Sam a funny look and left.

Taking the interruption as an opportunity, Sam ducked her head, taking her coffee mug into her hands. She added sugar to the liquid, stirring quickly, letting the sounds of metal clinking against the ceramic fill the awkward silence.

"It was I, was it not?"

Sam dropped her spoon. "How—"

Jolinar shrugged, smiling. "I...guessed?"

Guilty, Sam nodded, moistening her lips with a quick swipe of her tongue. "It was. I-I don't know why I felt the urge to talk to you about this. This has nothing to do with you, but I just had this compelling urge to tell you something."

Jolinar sat there, her hands folded on the table, waiting expectantly.

"I..." Sam didn't know why she was at a loss for words. It was a new feeling for her. She actually didn't know what to say. "I know it wasn't you...I mean, not you as in you but..." She took a deep breath. "Thank you." For giving up your life to let me live.

Bowing her head once, Jolinar's eyes held a smile she didn't reveal with her lips. She reached out and touched Carter's hand, patting it just once.

"You are welcome. I am grateful my death, in any reality, was not in vain."

Sam didn't know how to respond, so she only returned the gesture, squeezing the hand back, feeling the heavy sensation in her chest lighten as she smiled in return.

SG1SG1SG1

The shadows in the locker room almost concealed him.

Jack cleared his throat, but John didn't look up. The captain merely grunted and waved to the available space on the bench where he sat. Pursing his lips, Jack studied his twin for a moment before sitting down next to him.

Now what? Jack thought, wondering how Daniel was faring.

"You know."

Jack blinked. He turned to John. The captain narrowed his eyes, glaring at him.

"You know about Dan," John hissed between clenched teeth.

Well, my job is half done, Jack thought. He found himself bothered by the flat, dull gleam in similar brown eyes.

John snorted in disgust and got up, slamming a fist on a poor locker. "Everyone knew except me! What makes you think you can keep something like this from me?"

"Now hold on!" Jack rose to his feet as well. "I didn't know. And not everyone is keeping secrets from you! I only found out by accident. No one really knows."

"Except the doctor," John seethed.

Jack stopped. "Well...I guess she would since she was treating him—"

"Why didn't she tell me?" Spinning around, John looked like he wanted to strike Jack but lowered his fists in time. "He's my brother, for God's sake! I had a right to know!"

Jack stood there, waiting. Just as he expected, John came to his own conclusion. The captain's shoulders slumped.

"Unless...he didn't want me to know. God, Mutt..." John sank to the bench again and dropped his head in his hands.

In the back of his mind, Jack wondered if that was how he had looked when Nem tricked them all into thinking Daniel had perished in a furious fire. Jack could have sworn he tasted brimstone as he was staggering through the Stargate, legs without strength as he dropped to the ground, cut off at the knees by the realization Daniel was gone under his watch.

"Why? Why wouldn't he tell me?" Muffled, John's voice seeped out between his fingers. "Why did he..." The captain visibly swallowed. "He was right. This was all my fault...I never should have left them there."

"Daniel was right."

John raised his head.

"Dan doesn't blame you. I think—no. I know he was saying all those things to you to keep you away."

Stunned, John dropped his hands, gaping at Jack.

Gesturing at the slouched posture, Jack made his point. "Look at you! You're hammering yourself over what's happening to him!"

"Of course! I care what happens to him! I'm not going to ignore—"

"That's not what I meant!"

John glowered at him.

Running a hand through his hair, Jack scowled back. "Damn, I never thought it would be so hard to talk to myself...I mean you—I—Argh! You know what I mean!" He threw up his hands and paced angrily around the small space between the rows of lockers. He stopped mid-step and spun back to John. He jabbed a finger in the air towards the captain.

"You're destroying yourself! Blaming yourself! Letting yourself get so eaten up with guilt you don't realize it's pulling everyone else down with you!"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," John grated.

Jack gave a short laugh. "Nice try, buddy, but we've both been in the same boat before, remember? Nice sunny day? You and Sara sitting out on the porch?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Shut up."

"Maybe you just got home, saw her gardening. Thought she was the best thing you ever saw?"

"I said shut up."

"Thought you would head up to see Charlie in a bit, went to tell Sara just how beautiful she looked. Am I right?" Jack found himself babbling, mouth going non-stop, the little voice in the back of his mind, recoiling at words he'd never thought he'd speak. What the hell are you doing, the voice screamed. "You snuggled up to her and thought how the hell did you get so god damn lucky when you heard the gun—"

"I said SHUT UP!" John rose up, roaring.

Jack felt an arm under his jaw before he could even register the red face. His last syllable got choked off as he was slammed into the lockers behind him. Instinct took over, whipped up his hands, and Jack grabbed the arm before it could crush his windpipe. With a snap, he pushed the offending arm away, only to get a punch in his stomach. As he doubled over, he knew his twin would be going in for the kill, a knee to the gut. So his hands shot down, blocked the predictable blow, and then he head rammed John in the chin. The captain staggered back from the blow, falling to the floor.

What Jack didn't expect was for the captain to grab him by the lapels and pull him with him.

The two men slammed down to the floor, both grunting as they sought purchase, hands pressing against the other's face, tilting heads back. But both were trained. Both knew how to hurt a fellow human being so the struggle quickly came to a stalemate with Jack over John, an arm against John's own windpipe, John's hands over his throat.

"Are we finished? Are you going to sit down and listen to what you know is true? Are you going to stop lying to yourself? Are you?" Jack wheezed around the tight grip over his neck. Veins bulged under John's hold as he glared down at the captain. "Or are we going to duke this out until one of us croaks?"

John growled under his breath, dropping his hands. Jack relaxed, releasing. Then, John surged forward with a fist.

Jack had seen it coming too late. He should have anticipated it. It was something he would have done. Jerking his head back, Jack wasn't able to avoid it completely and caught a glancing blow on his chin. Stunned, he fell back on his rear, vaguely realizing he could taste blood.

The captain stood over his sprawled form. "That," John panted, "was for screwing up and letting them do that to Daniel."

Jack straightened his legs, kicking them right at John's knees, sending his double to the floor. He lunged forward and pinned John to the ground, sitting on John's legs, hands pressed down on John's shoulders.

"And that," Jack hissed back at his own angry face, "was for being the real blind jackass of the family." He narrowed his eyes, heaving, pressing down harder when John tried to throw him off. "Now are we finished?"

John scowled at him.

"Are we done or are we going to waste more time arguing with ourselves while there are people who need us?" Jack bellowed at his twin's beet red face.

John stilled.

"Are we?" the colonel repeated.

John forced it out with a whoosh. "We are."

Dark brown eyes burned to black, drilled into Jack's head. Jack ignored the scalding glare as he released and sat back, breathless. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, Jack sat there, heaving, watching John warily as the captain sat up as well, mimicking the same motion.

"You're wrong," John panted. "It's not the same. It's not."

Jack snorted.

Glowering at Jack, John got up, not even offering a hand to his counterpart. Jack got up on his own and staggered back to the lockers, back against metal as he rubbed his sore abdomen with a grimace. He turned his head to the side and spat the blood in his mouth.

"You make it sound like I'm in denial," John bit out. "I know what's going on. I do know. Hell, it follows me everywhere I go."

"And that's the problem!"

John stopped.

"You keep thinking so much about how you got him there and how you'll get him out that you're not considering all the other things that could happen. You lock yourself up in a god damn room full of memories, wishing things were different, wishing the past never happened, and ignore the fact someone is outside waiting, hoping you won't pull the fucking trigger!" Jack struck his thigh with a red, angry fist before pointing a finger at John. "You can't tell me that's not what's going to happen when he dies!"

John flinched at the words. "He's not going to die. We'll get the—"

"And what if you don't?" challenged Jack.

"They got them in him; they can get them out."

"But what if they can't?"

John bunched his own fists at Jack. "Why are you being so pessimistic?"

"And why are you being so blind?" Jack shot back.

John fell silent, resentment sculpting his face to stone, jaw clenched tight.

"Your brother is blind, but he can see! He knows what you'll do to yourself when he goes! You're going to pull the god damn trigger!" Jack stood there, legs apart, staring at John. Jack's shoulders lost their hard edge, and he gazed at John steadily. He raised a hand, his index finger and shook it at him. "Don't. Just don't, okay? It won't help him. You're just making it harder for him."

John gazed back at him, eyes dulling to gray, his breathing slowing to a calmer pace. His mouth a grim line, his eyes narrowed with lines of age bordering them, John didn't speak.

"Just don't," Jack continued softly, lowering his hand. He came up to the man, but didn't touch him. He could see the quivering outlining the captain's body. "You're scaring him. Can't you see that? Why do you think he pushed you away? You think he wants to be alone? As much as either of them insisting they are fine, there's a little boy inside screaming for someone to help. You know. And even though it took me a while, even I know it now." Jack hesitantly placed a hand on John's shoulder, the touch odd yet familiar. "Don't do this to him. Don't make him go, knowing you're going to follow. Leave him some hope. That's our job, man. We gotta give them some hope, no matter what. They expect it. They rely on it. Your brother. And Daniel. They both rely on us to keep strong, to know when to leave them, and do what we're supposed to."

"And what is that?" John said hoarsely.

Jack lowered his head to meet John's hooded eyes. "To get the Goa'uld who did this to him. They're the ones to be blamed. Not yourself. Them. Ra."

"Ra," John repeated with a hiss.

Jack nodded.

"I can't...I can't accept that..." John whispered, raising his head. "Of Dan...of him dying."

"Okay, fair enough. You can't accept it. I probably wouldn't either, but don't let it chain you down in some room." Jack pulled away. "I did that with my kid and look at me now. I destroyed my marriage, let myself go on a mission through the Stargate with the word suicidal stamped on my forehead. I didn't see Sara suffering. I wasn't strong for her. I almost let myself go along with my kid."

Sinking down on a bench across from John, Jack sighed. "I know where you're heading. I know you're thinking you're doing everything you can by giving Dan the hope of a cure. But don't you see? All you're doing is making Dan think you're going to go through that Stargate with no expectation of returning except in a body bag. You've gotta be strong. You've gotta give him hope but not the kind you think he needs."

"I can't," John choked, dropping to the parallel bench. "You want me to embrace his death and just pretend I'm not bothered by it? I can't."

"I didn't say anything like that. Just...show him you'll be okay no matter what. Give him that."

John dropped his head, shoulders slumping, his arms folded on his knees, his hands dangling. He raised his head as if it were heavy, his haunted eyes gazing back at Jack with such darkness Jack flinched.

"I-I don't know if I can."

Speechless, Jack could only watch John get up and walk out of the locker room. The moment the door shut, the soft click of the lock loud in the room, Jack sagged back against the lockers.

"Damn, Sara," Jack croaked out loud. "Is this what you saw back then?" He sat there, his head against the lockers, hoping Daniel had fared better than he had.

SG1SG1SG1

"But why?" Dan asked in a small voice, sitting on the bed. He kicked the covers because they were too hot, but John only pulled them up again. The teen sighed, patting his covered feet.

"I just don't want to go to college, Mutt." John reached over and felt Dan's forehead. "Man, you still feel warm. I wonder if maybe I was supposed to give you two aspirin, not one?" He looked over his shoulder. "Mom's not going to be back for another hour. Hold on, and let me get you another towel."

"But—" Dan sat back, frustrated as the teenager got off the bed and went to the bathroom. Dan kicked the covers away. He spied the pamphlets on the bed, the ones John was carrying before he passed by his room and heard Dan cough. The title Air Force was stamped in bold white letters, bright against his yellow quilt.

Dan frowned.

Keeping an eye on the door, he snagged the pamphlets and stuck them under his pillow. He heard footsteps approaching, and he hastily got back on the bed, deliberately sitting on the pillow to hide his tracks.

"Okay," John announced. "This should help." He gingerly placed the damp cloth over Dan's forehead. The cool water trickled down the warm cheek. He sat back, studying Dan, then looked down.

"Hey, where's my stuff?"

Dan looked up at the ceiling, patting the towel on his forehead, ignoring John.

"Danny." John got up and before Dan could stop him, stuck his hand under the pillow and yanked the papers out. "Nice try, but remember? You always hide your stuff there even that note from your teacher about Eddie Wright hitting you." He sat down, waving the pamphlets. "Even without these, I'll still be able to get more and join up." He gave him a reproachful look, before softening to a sad smile. "You can't stop me, Dan."

"Why?" Dan pressed, lower lip sticking out.

John sighed. "Look, I just can't see college as my thing, okay? And I would have joined up two years ago if I'd been caught with Steve and the others trashing the gym. They went and enlisted so they wouldn't get the arrest on their records."

"But you didn't," reminded Dan.

Smiling, John ruffled Dan's hair, careful not to jar the towel. "Not with you following me out of the house. Man, I had a fit when I turned around before going in that gym and saw you standing right there! I still don't know how you climbed down that tree by yourself!"

Dan reached out and tugged at John's wrist. "Don't go," he implored. "I won't follow you around and bother you again. Just don't go to the army."

"Air force," John corrected. "And you never bother me. Don't say that."

Dan's lip trembled as he tugged the hand. "If...if you go...they may send you there..."

John arched his eyebrow, not realizing he was imitating their father perfectly. "Where?"

"V-vietnam," Dan whispered.

John sat up higher. "What do you know about Vietnam?"

"My teacher talked about it," Dan whispered.

Scowling, John patted Dan's hand and pulled away. "Your teacher, huh? They shouldn't be teaching this stuff to you in school. You're too young."

"I'm in the sixth grade," Dan pointed out.

"Yeah, but you're only nine. You're only in the sixth grade because they let you skip two years."

Ducking his head, Dan's lip trembled, and he didn't care that the cool towel fell off to his lap. He felt John sit closer, pulling him in. Dan's head pressed against John's chest as his older brother awkwardly patted him on the back.

"Don't do that. Maybe they won't send me there. They'll still be training me."

"It's bad there. I've seen the protests outside your school. Everyone says it's bad. Even Dad said it's bad." Dan lifted his arms up and wrapped them around John. "Don't go. You could go to college like Dad said. I...I could go with you."

John pulled back and tapped him lightly on the head. "Silly Mutt. You can't go to college with me. You're not old enough."

"I'm not old enough for the sixth grade, and they let me go anyway." Dan sat up, the idea growing in his mind. "Maybe they'll let me skip some more."

Laughing out loud, John sat back against the bedpost. "No offense, Danny, but you're not that smart!"

Stung, Dan sniffed, dropping his head.

"Aw, I didn't mean it that way, but there's no way they'll have you go to college that young. Besides, I don't want to go to college. At least not now. Not yet." John leaned over and peered at Dan's face. "I just can't see myself becoming a doctor or something fancy with three letters attached to my name. Not like you. You already know you want to be an archeologist. I want to know what I can be."

Dan peered sadly at him. "You're really going to go?"

John nodded. "But I'll be back. I can't stay here forever. Heck, when you grow up to be an archeologist, you'll be going all over the place, too! I'm just a little earlier than you."

"But I'll be alone," Dan whispered, eyes downcast.

"You got Mom and Dad."

"What if I want to talk to you?"

"Then call me."

"What about Egypt?"

"We're still doing that. When you graduate from college like we planned. No way am I going to miss your graduation!"

Dan sniffed, not completely convinced. "What if Eddie hits me again?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Has he?"

"No," Dan whispered, raising his eyes defiantly, his lower lip sticking out. "But he could."

John grinned. "Then I'll come back and show off my big fighter jet and scare him off so fast he'll be peeing in his pants!"

Dan giggled.

His brother waved his hand like a jet flying past his nose, making loud whooshing noises. "We'll get on my plane and zoom! Whiz right by him when he's in the bathroom. He'll be so scared, he'll come running out of there, forgetting to put up his pants!"

Laughing, Dan clamped his mouth with his hand. He was supposed to be sad in order to make John stay. He couldn't laugh.

"Hey." John tapped him on the shoulder.

Dan looked up.

"Nothing changes. You know that, right?" John gazed seriously at him. "I'm still your brother. You're not alone. You need me, and I'll be there. No matter how far away. Don't be scared."

"And you'll be okay?" Dan asked hopefully.

"No matter how far away you go or I go, we'll both be okay. I promise."

Dan heard humming.

He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but the humming he heard as the last of the dream faded away to the dreaded darkness assured him he was somewhere safe. And the soft gentle stroking on his head told him he was with a friend. He opened his eyes, saw a flash of blonde hair before it was snatched away again. Lately, his vision was quicker to leave every time he woke.

"W-what's that song?" Dan asked in a hoarse voice.

The humming stopped.

"How long was I out?"

"Not long." Sammy brushed back his hair, using the opportunity to check his temperature. "Do you need more morphine?"

"N-no..." Dan pulled away from her hold. He could feel the bed underneath him, layers of blankets over his legs. He was dismayed to realize he couldn't even kick them away.

Sammy understood though and peeled a few back, lightening the load. Dan gratefully kicked the rest away and sat back against the wall.

"Where's Jolinar?" he asked faintly when he realized he couldn't hear her voice.

"She went out to talk to me. My double from this reality, that is."

Dan nodded, feeling the gold bracelet on his own wrist. He could hear the scorn dripping off her words. "Sammy, you've really got to be more cordial to Jolinar."

"I don't have to do squat."

He sighed. "Sammy—"

"Look, don't ask me to be diplomatic right now. Be glad I didn't put a bullet between her eyes when your brother first brought her to our base."

"She's not Goa'uld, Sammy."

"Close enough."

"If it weren't for her, I would have been long dead or worse."

"If it weren't for her, you might have gotten out sooner."

"I told you. She was a lower class citizen in his eyes. There was no way she could have left the ship. I was lucky enough she even found the tunnel that led to my cell."

Sammy grunted, signaling the end of the discussion. "You should drink some water. Hold on; I'll get it for you." She got up, the bed tipping slightly before rebounding as she rose.

Dan shook his head. He couldn't understand why Sammy had to be so stubborn. The last time he talked to her about it, she...

Dan stopped.

When did he talk to her last?

It was...

He couldn't remember.

Stay calm. It's happened before. You've got to concentrate and focus on what you need. It'll come.

Dan took a deep breath. Voices, past conversations came and went, teasing him as he tried to catch them. He sat back against the wall, pressing harder against the flat surface to ground himself.

"Here," Sammy said, bringing the glass close to him. The glass was too full, and water splashed over the edge, cold liquid touching his face.

He gasped as they yanked on his hair, jerking him back out of the pool of icy water. Drops trickled down his face, his shoulders. He shouted, in their language and in his, demanding they let him go.

Voices laughed, sneering in the darkness before hands came from nowhere to grab him by the shoulders and the back of his thighs. His head was still sore, and the fresh wounds from the insertion of the re'klya only a month ago were pounding in unison with his hammering heart. Dan twisted, trying to break free.

"I tire of his defiance," Ra's voice floated around him in ancient Egyptian, sounding bored. "Teach him humility. Show me he will fear me."

"No!" Dan shouted. "I'll never fear you! You bastard! We'll take you down! You don't belong here!" He felt large hands roaming up his back, deep throated laughter hissing in his ears. He was slammed down hard on his stomach, and he felt whips taken out. He twisted, struggled, but the large hands pinned him down by pressing down on his shoulders and thighs. He couldn't even kick.

"Teach him who is his god."

Dan heard cloth rip before cold air scratched his exposed back. He yelled, outraged, and didn't hear armor discarded or the snap of the whips.

The first stabbing pain came as a surprise. The next made him scream so loud, he thought he would die from the forceful outcry that emptied his lungs in one sound. Over and over, the heat of pain running in him like a hot poker, their laughter scalding. Their hands pawing his bare skin felt so filthy as the whips hissed in the air—they all assaulted his ears. And as he faded away, he could still feel the cool droplets of water from his damp hair, dripping down his face like tears.

"Dan! Dan!"

Screaming, twisting, Dan fought, feeling the hands freed from his legs. He clutched at his shirt, not giving them a chance at his back again, kicking out to his assailants

"Dan! Listen to me! It's not real! Get away from the broken glass! Come on, let me get you away from the broken glass."

Glass.

Dan found a piece by his bare feet, a good sizable one, curved, the size of his palm. He snatched it and waved it at them.

"Oh God," a female voice breathed.

"G-get away...get away..." Dan stuttered as he waved the makeshift weapon at them. "D-don't come any closer. D-don't t-touch me..."

"Dan. Listen to me. It's not real."

He brandished the weapon frantically. He knew they were trying to trick him. Like when he thought he was alone in the cell, stumbling until he felt shameful hands mauling him, taunting him as he tried to figure out where the enemy was, and where was it safe to hide.

A hand lashed out and grabbed his wrist.

"Nooo!" he howled before he heard the door opening.

"What happened?" another voice demanded. It sounded as familiar as an echo.

"He's having some sort of flashback." Hands bound his wrists between stronger ones. Dan screamed.

"Should I get Doctor—"

"No. Close that door. Give him a moment. He'll be okay." Arms circled Dan, squeezing, pressing him close to another body. Dan howled, kicking out, humiliating laughter echoing in his head.

"Sh...Dan...time to come back now. Come on, baby...Sh...It's okay. Bad dream. Shouldn't have surprised you like that. Come on."

Dan felt himself being rocked back and forth. He whimpered, struggling.

"It's all right. No one but friends here, baby. Come on. Come on back to us."

Soft humming again, wordless, endless. It went around him, wrapped him with the promise of safety. The arms around him were too thin, too slender to be John's, yet he felt safe, sheltered, the swaying stilling his shivering.

Sammy ignored Daniel, who was standing awkwardly on the sidelines as she coaxed coherent consciousness back into Dan. She cooed, remembering how Jonas sometimes, although rarely, would calm with this even when he couldn't hear.

Left and right. Left and right, she rocked him as she would a child. Like the dying little girl with long golden hair she found in Hanka when they first went there to determine if the planet was a feasible one for their refugees. The young child didn't know who Sammy was, too lost in her own pain as she lay dying beside the corpses of her parents, slaughtered by the Goa'uld. Sammy rocked her, telling her it was okay to close her eyes, the two of them hidden behind the bushes away from her men, her own vulnerability safe from prying eyes. The little girl smiled and with a little shudder, died in her arms without a trace of pain in her white face.

"Come back," she chanted. "Nothing's here to hurt you. Nothing."

After a little while, she felt Dan stir, shifting in her hold. He winced and with a soft moan, closed his unseeing eyes. He took a deep shuddering breath.

"S-sammy?"

"Here."

Dan ran his tongue over his lower lip, breathing heavily. Finally, he rasped out, "H-how bad was it?"

Sammy gave Daniel a glance. "Couldn't reach you for a while there."

Dan shuddered. "G-god...it's...it's 'arder to come back each time. Like...like drowning."

She closed her eyes. "I know."

"I can't keep doing this. It's soon, Sammy. I might not be able to come back next time. Then...then...where will that leave John? God..." Dan swallowed back a sob, head bowed. He sat there breathing harshly, rasping in and out. Finally, his tongue swiping his lower lip, he whispered, "Sammy...promise me something..."

"What?" she whispered as she stroked his brow.

Coughing, he struggled to sit up with her help. The pillows and blankets bundled around him tightly. Snaking a hand out, he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. She patiently let him, her face inches from his.

"Please...if...if this doesn't work...If we can't beat Ra..." he choked, shaking his head as he hunched over.

His other hand clutched her shirt desperately. "I want you to...to..." Dan felt his head guided against Sammy's shoulder. Swallowing, he took a deep breath and whispered the last of his words.

"I want you to take me someplace where John can't find me."

The woman recoiled in shock. "I...what are you saying?"

"I don't want John to be the one to do it...like...like you did with J—" Dan tried to sit up higher. "I can't..."

Sammy gave Daniel a look. The archeologist was white faced, although she recalled he was already a bit pale when he came in. He swallowed, nodding towards the door and turned to leave.

Still not realizing he had a bigger audience than he'd first thought, Dan went on. "Somewhere...where John can't find me." He coughed and curled up against her shoulder. "No matter what or how many times he asks, d-don't tell him. I don't want him to find me." His voice grew firmer. "I don't want him to see me like that in the end..."

"Dan, he's going to ask. He won't just give up."

"I know. I'm sorry. I 'houldn't be asking you. It's a lot to ask." Dan took a deep breath. "But it's for the best. You told me...you told me once, how it felt. How could I possibly..." He swallowed. "I know I shouldn't even...but could you...when the time comes?"

Sammy closed her eyes briefly. Dimly, she could feel the phantom ache of the scar on her cheek. "Alright. I promise you. I promised once before. I won't back down from it."

"You can't do that."

Jerking her head up, she realized Daniel was still standing there, staring at them. The heat of anger flushed her face, and she sat up.

"Who's there?" stuttered Dan, shuffling further back.

Daniel stepped forward, shaking his head at Sammy's angry gesture to leave. "It's me. I'm sorry. I came to talk. Didn't mean to intrude, but I heard what you said, and I have to stop you."

Laughing in a strained voice, Dan sat there, his knees drawn up, staring in Daniel's general direction. "Stop me? From what? Helping my brother?"

"No, from making a mistake."

Sammy narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you realize how it will be for him, Doctor Jackson."

"I heard. I heard. But I don't think you realize how it will be for Captain O'Neill." Daniel came closer and sat on the edge of the bed. He gave Sammy a sad smile. "I think you should tell him."

"Tell him?" Dan parroted harshly. "Just like that. Out of the blue. I tell him I'm dying. I'm leaving. Oh, by the way, can you blow my brains out before I go loony tunes?" He bunched his fists. "Have you any idea what it would be like for him to see me..." He took a shuddering breath. "Do you know what it'll do to him to see me go like that?"

Daniel abruptly turned towards Hansen. "Commander Hansen, can we talk alone, please?"

Startled, Sammy studied him.

He waved his hands at her, eyes pleading, voice calm and quiet. "Please. I know what I'm doing. We need to talk."

"Like hell we do! I have nothing to say to you!"

Daniel's earnest face, blue eyes bright with a shadow pain Sammy couldn't describe convinced her. She nodded. Leaning forward, she touched Dan's knee. "I'll be right outside."

"Sammy—"

"Just hear him out. Okay?"

Dan scowled but said nothing as she walked out the door.

Daniel waited until the door clicked shut, her concerned face blocked from seeing the room before he spoke again.

"You're making a mistake."

Dan refused to speak.

"I know...I know it's coming to an end for you soon," Daniel hedged, chewing his lower lip, his eyes hooded with memory. "And I know you're thinking you're protecting him by hiding, but you're not. He's your family. The only family you have left. And you're the only family he has right now. I...If it were me, I would want him to know."

"If it were you?" The words were forced out of tightly clamped lips. Dan raised his head, the corner of his mouth twitching with anger.

"If it were you?" He sat up, shaking. "It isn't. Don't you get it? It isn't you! You're not the one with family to worry about! You're not the one with one brother raking himself over the coals while the rest of your family is god knows where! That isn't your brother out there! You're not me! You're sitting here in front of me, all fine and dandy, getting to call this world your home, crowing about how we shouldn't keep secrets from each other. You have no idea what a family is! No idea of the stuff family need to do for one another! No idea at all!"

Daniel flinched as if he'd been slapped. But Dan didn't notice, didn't hear. His words, once started, were unable to stop, nothing damming them up. The wall he'd built around them had shattered before his twin.

"Do you think I came to this decision easily? Do you think I snapped my fingers and said I think I'll leave John today? No! I didn't! I held on as hard as I could! I fought to regain every inch of what the damn re'klya took from me! They take chunks out of me, take away my power to defend, my ability to help, and now, my own sanity! Chunks! They take chunks, and I try so hard, so god damn hard to get it back and get only crumbs. Crumbs!" Dan shouted the last word at Daniel with an angry wave of a hand.

"How could you even possibly think I want John to stick around and watch me become some pathetic, shivering lump before he finally has to put the freaking gun to my head and say goodbye? I wouldn't even know he was there! I wouldn't be able to tell him it was okay! That I understand! How the hell can you possibly think any good would come of him staying beside me?" He fell back gasping, his face flushed, his ashen pallor temporarily replaced with the hue of anger.

"If it were you?" Dan laughed bitterly. "You would come to the same decision...if it were you."

Daniel watched his counterpart shudder, hands wiping at his face to rub off the anger, the pent up frustration. He swallowed, his head still spinning from the words and the simple fact that he wasn't really steady on his feet yet. Daniel was careful to keep his voice level. "You're afraid."

Stilling, Dan didn't respond.

Like a light bulb, lit in a dark room, Daniel noted the shaking hands on his twin, the slight rocking the other scholar was making now and understood. He remembered huddling like that once, in a painfully bright room, not knowing if his friends' voices were real or a cruel hallucination. He remembered rocking himself, hoping the activity would occupy his mind, fill his being and ward off the screaming and the footsteps of approaching people who always knew how to hurt him.

The fear of losing his mind, the fear that he already had, had paralyzed him then to a point he couldn't stop himself from crying hysterically as he tried to apologize for failing his teammates. The memory, coupled with his eyes still blurring, made him forget to choose his words so he blurted, "You're scared of dying."

"Oh," Dan snorted. "And you're not?" He didn't wait for Daniel to answer. "And you're one to talk about scared. Who's not talking about a certain bitch from long ago, huh?"

Daniel reeled back. "This has nothing to do—"

"Yes, it does! You want to talk about scared? Let's talk about you! What did she do? Huh? Hit you? Smack you around a bit? Make you feel like you were a worthless piece of shit?" Dan growled. "Maybe she liked to lock you in the closet like she did me when I was too noisy at bedtime. Why the silent tongue now? You seemed to know what to say before. Why aren't you saying anything now?"

Daniel countered feebly. "I'm not here to talk about me—"

"But I want to, Mister Know-it-all!" Dan's lips peeled back, revealing teeth as he hissed. "You're sitting there preaching to me, accusing me of being scared. Goddamn hypocrite! You can't tell me you're not afraid of dying!" He fell back against his bed, breathless.

The room dropped into a heavy silence, a steady beat of twin breathing filling the space every so often.

Massaging his shoulder and feeling tired, Daniel wished his head wasn't so foggy. Maybe then his words would be more effective. Mentally, Daniel sighed, eyeing his silent, brooding double.

"I am," Daniel said suddenly. Blearily, Dan lifted his head. "I'm not saying I'm invincible or that I have a death wish. No one is. But I know I am scared of dying, and I accept it. I can't avoid it. Nothing I can do can change that. Yet, if I let that control me, I can't do anything at all. I might even get someone killed along the way."

Daniel sat closer, his voice louder, stronger as he tried to reach Dan.

"I know you think you're doing this for John. But you're not. You don't want him to see because with him there, you're constantly reminded about how closer you are to dying and that scares you."

"You're crazy."

Daniel smiled sadly. "I've been accused of that before."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Dan insisted.

"I think I do." Daniel paused. "He deserves to know. You need to tell him. Don't run away."

"Run away?" Dan laughed bitterly. "This from a man who makes evasion an art form."

Daniel winced. "Okay, I admit, there are some things I still can't talk about—"

"No shit."

"But," Daniel stressed, ignoring the sarcastic remark. "I know if I need to, if I want to, there is someone there to listen." Daniel nodded, thinking of a few people. He could feel his shoulders straighten. "I didn't before, but I have it now. Even if I don't always take it."

Dan sat there, dropping his head down, his forehead touching his drawn up knees. Daniel fell silent, watching his twin just breathe in and out, arms around the knees, creating a small world inside his own embrace. Daniel found himself sitting there huddled as well, absently rubbing his own arms up and down. But the motion reminded him of Hathor's greedy touch, up and down his arms, his body, cooing to him like he was some sort of pet, and Daniel hastily dropped his hands to his lap.

Out of the blue, Dan whispered, "I don't want to die."

Daniel bit his lower lip, dropping his eyes, feeling a shiver go up his own spine. The image of his own face stark with fear—Dan's white expression bordering the hysteria he'd finally let emerge—soured Daniel's belly. "I know. I wish saying sorry could help. I wish I could somehow balance everything for you."

"I just..." Dan turned his head towards the wall. "I'd never been alone before. Well...I was for a short time with Lily, but when John found me..." He took a deep breath, shuddering. "I don't like the idea of being alone when I go, but I don't want to have John see me like that either. I'd rather...I'd rather he remembered me the way I was before. How could that be so wrong?"

"Because he would search for you," Daniel said quietly.

"But he won't find me."

"That's the problem."

Dan raised his head.

Daniel turned slightly until he was staring at the door, the room bathed in muted darkness, only one light on in the corner. He watched shadows form around the furniture and thought he saw a delicate female shape in one with rich dark curls. He swallowed and turned away from the allure of the image.

"You don't know what it'll be like for him. What he'll go through. You think you're doing him a favor by hiding, making sure he doesn't find you in time, but—" He lowered his head. "To wait, wondering if a person's dead or alive, wondering where that person is, what she's doing, if she's okay." He paused, hearing himself. He gulped the lump in his throat.

"Wondering where the person is and hoping, hoping you'll find that person in time, to say all the things you wanted to say. You bargain with yourself. You make promises with whoever is up there listening. Just one more time, a few seconds. Just to know she—I mean, he's okay, and I'll be content, but when you do see the person, when you do...it's not enough. It only makes it worse."

Daniel sighed, his chest heaving as he slumped. "It's torture. It's too cruel to do to anyone. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. To look everywhere, year after year, not knowing, wondering, wishing, praying, then to finally find h—" He wiped his hand across his eyes, dismayed to find them burning, his palm damp with moisture. "To find out it was t-too late, that all your searching was for nothing." He turned back to Dan and tentatively reached out, touching Dan's knee before retreating.

"It's too cruel," he whispered.

"What do I do?" Dan moaned. He dropped his head to his knees again, arms over himself. "God, what do I do then?" He sniffed. "You're telling me no matter what I do, he'll still suffer. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe it won't be that way for him. He won't be alone. Kawalsky, Ferretti, Jolinar...they'll watch over him. I know they will. You're wrong. It's not going to be that way. How could you possibly know?"

Daniel closed his eyes, resting his head on a fist. "Because I searched three years for my wife after the Goa'ulds took her from me only to find her minutes before she died."

Dan was silent again.

Daniel found he couldn't sit there any more. The room became stifling. Choking, suffocating.

The creak of the bed made Dan lift his head. He cocked it, listening to the heavy, harsh breathing, the audible swallowing.

"You really think it'll be that way for John?"

Daniel nodded, then remembered and croaked, "Yes."

Dan sighed, his shoulders shaking. "God, I...I don't know what to do any more. I'm going crazy here like some freaking head case."

More chills spilled along Daniel's spine. He swallowed, his throat dry. "Um...give him a chance to say what he wants to say. And to say goodbye."

"He doesn't want to say goodbye. He doesn't think there'll be a need."

"Then make him see. Make him understand."

Dan was barely audible. "I don't know if I can."

Daniel walked back again and hunched down to Dan's shivering form. He spoke softly, air refusing to get past the lump in his throat. "You'll have to. If you really want to help him, you'll have to."

Shaking his head, Dan murmured, "I don't know," and fell silent.

"Think about it." Daniel's shoulders slumped when Dan didn't respond. "Please," he tried again but still, Dan chose not to reply. Dejected, Daniel turned towards the door and saw it was opened a crack, a blue eye peering in at him. The crack widened, revealing Sammy standing at the door. She gave him a questioning look, but the wariness was gone. She looked concerned: this time for Daniel.

In the back of his mind, Daniel realized this was the first time he'd really seen her face without the urgency of the battle or an adrenaline rush marring his perspective. He could see she was thinner, the angles of her features harsher, the scar at the right light, a shock to behold. Even her stance, while appearing casual, was brimming with contained readiness, to leap into action at any given moment. It was like a cat, watching potential prey, still considering if it was a threat or not.

Daniel wanly smiled and was astonished to see her return it, although weakly. She didn't look like a person who'd smiled much.

"Dan," she murmured to get the other's attention. Her eyes were still glued to Daniel, though. "You okay?"

He knew. She'd heard everything.

"I'm okay," Dan called out faintly.

Daniel bobbed his head mutely. He carefully walked around her, escaping for the door when he felt her hand on his left shoulder. Turning, he met her eyes.

Sammy nodded. She understood what he'd been trying to do. She didn't say anything, but her eyes warmed a degree before she turned back to Dan so quickly he thought he'd imagined it. He watched as she went over and spoke softly to Dan. Feeling like he shouldn't be here any more and with their words to each other echoing in his head, Daniel swallowed, believing he hadn't accomplished anything more than to bring up agonizing heartache. He left.

SG1SG1SG1

"No way! I don't want her near me!"

Teal'c arched an eyebrow, hearing the protest that sounded oddly like Lieutenant Simmons. Stopping at the infirmary's doors, the Jaffa listened carefully and noted that the activity inside had increased to the sounds of a scuffle.

He didn't hesitate. He pushed open the doors and grabbed the collar of the first person he saw as a threat—the one waving his fists.

The soldier yelped, a mess of brown hair whipping about as he tried to see who it was. He knew though when one of the rebels in the infirmary shot to his feet with a growl.

"Doctor Frasier, is everything well?" Teal'c inquired mildly, still holding onto the Simmons from the other reality by the scuff of the neck.

"Fine," Frasier said with a slight stutter. "He's having a little difficulty letting me examine him, that's all."

"I don't want that Goa'uld near me!" the young rebel hollered, swinging his arms angrily.

Janet flinched, well aware of the other medical staff lingering with open mouths.

Teal'c lifted Simmons higher until he met him eye to eye. The young soldier froze.

"She is not Hathor in our reality. She would not harm you."

"Teal'c, it's okay," Janet started to say, approaching them. Simmons stiffened.

"Get away from me!" Simmons wrenched free, dropping to the floor with a thump as he got out of Teal'c's grasp. Surprised, Teal'c looked down.

"That was not very beneficial to you. Doctor Frasier would not harm you. She only wishes to—"

"I'm not going near her," the young soldier spat and stormed out of the infirmary.

Teal'c turned back to Frasier as the rest of the staff hurried away, the scene over.

"Well," Janet joked weakly. "That went well, don't you think?" Janet sighed. "Thank you, Teal'c, but it doesn't help. That was the third one to stomp out of here. At least they submitted to an MRI first." She folded her stethoscope. "I'll just be in my office. Might be better that way." She started to walk away.

As she passed Teal'c, he spoke. "I once told O'Neill our reality is the only one of consequence."

She stopped.

"This still remains true. What you or I may be in their reality does not affect us here. Therefore the guilt does not fall upon us but on them." Teal'c bowed his head. "If you like, I will remain to ensure this will not happen again."

"You don't have to—"

"It is what I can do." The Jaffa waited.

Janet blinked, staring at his dark, solemn face. "Not many see it that simply."

Teal'c nodded once. "That is true. But I am not one of those."

She smiled sadly. "Well, they do need all the doctors they can get right now. I would be honored to have your assistance."

"And I, honored to provide it."

SG1SG1SG1

As Daniel went down the hall, he automatically avoided most of the soldiers walking the opposite way. He debated on returning to the infirmary to face Janet's wrath for sneaking out against medical advice or locating Jack to see how he'd done. Deep in thought, he collided with a hard object that sent him crashing to the floor.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, Graham!" a voice grumbled above his head. Another sounding exactly the same spoke up to his left.

"You okay, Doctor Jackson?"

Dazed, Daniel looked up and thought he saw double—two very concerned looking Silers looking down at him before one glanced at the offender.

"Graham, General Maybourne said to behave," the Siler in the blue flightsuit scolded as he would a kid. "This isn't our base. We're their guests. Slow down there. You okay, Doctor Jackson?"

"Yes," Daniel said faintly, blinking as he realized the two Silers were still there. He got up with their help and rubbed his eyes.

"No," one Siler said, straightening out his SGC uniform. "You're not seeing double, Doctor Jackson. Thought me and...uh...myself would exchange notes about the Asgard hard drive. See where he can boost power in a Stargate when he finds one in case the naquada reactor Major Carter fixed up doesn't work."

"Oh." Brushing his own BDUs, Daniel blinked, guiltily realizing he hadn't even given a thought to the tablets at all. "That's a good idea." He looked at the alternate reality's Simmons. "Hello. I guess this would be the first time we've...uh...met. Well for me, that is."

Simmons swept his eyes up and down Daniel. The archeologist shifted, uncomfortable.

"I hear Graham has a twin too," the alternate Siler commented as he yanked at the blue flightsuit given to him. "Haven't seen him around though."

"Oh, he's still on a mission. Was assigned to SG-11 for now," Daniel said absently, mentally wondering why Simmons was scanning him so intently that it made his skin crawl. "They're not due to report back for another four days."

"Well, we'd better get back to work," the SGC Siler spoke up, clapping the rebel one on the shoulder. "Later, Doctor Jackson."

The rebel Siler stared at Daniel for a moment. "Uh, Doctor Jackson, I wanted to thank you. For getting me out of there." He stuck out his hand. "I owe you."

Awkwardly, Daniel accepted the gesture, feeling his face flush. "I should be telling you that. You tried to help me."

The two Silers grinned at him, and Daniel had to blink. It was a bit disconcerting. The Siler he knew was normally very serious, but apparently, meeting himself was a treat, and the two were hitting it off better than expected.

Daniel nodded to them, mildly amused at a few people's startled doubletakes as the two walked by, matching strides perfectly, chatting away as if meeting alternate reality's selves was nothing new. He turned back to Simmons and braved the unnerving stare again. He gave the young soldier a small, shy smile.

"How are you feeling?" Simmons asked abruptly.

Blinking, Daniel shrugged. "I've been better, but I'm okay." He winced as his body told him otherwise. "A bit of a headache," he reluctantly admitted when Simmons raised an eyebrow saying, "Really?"

"Do you need more neuar? I can ask the commander."

"No, no. I don't need it," Daniel said hastily.

"You sure?" the soldier pressed.

Startled, Daniel frowned. "I'm sure."

Simmons stepped back. "Didn't mean to imply that...you know. Just that back there in the sub, you were pretty bad off."

Daniel shook his head. What was the matter with him? All these doubles running around were probably getting him edgy. And his head was pounding to the point of distraction. He could have sworn he could feel the sting of the wounds on his temples pulsating in unison with his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm still sort of jumpy." He gave a weak smile as an apology.

Simmons nodded. "I suppose with Ra coming in a little over two and a half days, we're all on edge." He seemed skittish himself, his hands alternating between going from pockets to folding in front of him as if he was cold. Pacing, shifting from one foot to the next, Simmons looked ready to take off.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked softly.

"Nerves," was Simmons' curt reply. He gave Daniel another look. "Nice base you got here."

For some reason, Daniel was bothered by the brash tones in this Simmons' voice, accustomed to the soft tones of the younger soldier. He stood there as others walked around them, wondering what had changed this man.

"So you guys beat Ra," Simmons said flatly. "How does it feel?"

Daniel blinked. "Feel?"

"You're free, not under his reign."

"We have Apophis to contend with. And a few others to defend our planet from," Daniel said, fidgeting nervously.

"Defend?" Simmons repeated flatly. "We're still trying to take ours back." He leaned forward, and Daniel was taken aback by the glare in Simmons' eyes. "You're lucky," the soldier breathed.

Daniel stared at the dark orbs, saw his own face reflected off them and edged away. Simmons, acting as if he'd just realized what he'd done, gave Daniel a grim smile that sent chills down the archeologist's arms.

"Nerves," Graham said shortly and left Daniel standing there.

Suppressing a shiver, Daniel rubbed his thumb over shut eyes, his headache back. He opened them again and eyed Simmons' retreating back.

"You're lucky."

Daniel frowned. Where had he heard that before?

Head throbbing, Daniel's vision blurred, and he shook his head. He hated to admit it, but he'd better go back to the infirmary and wave the white flag. He never thought he would see the day he would voluntarily head for medical treatment.

Janet will have a fit, he thought as he shakily walked down the hallway in the opposite direction to the infirmary.