The young woman's head was turned slightly watching out the corner of her eye a person seated at the edge of the match. Her inattention to her opponent was about to be her downfall as Sulu used the opportunity of her distraction to score as he had throughout the two matches in which she had been engaged in the same activity. Sulu swung his sabre upward and the at the last moment twisted his weapon bring it down under his opponent's guard to let the point lightly touch her chest.

The young woman across from him groaned, she twisted her head back around and lowered her sabre in resigned defeat. As Sulu lowered his weapon also and took a step back, she grabbed her helmet and tugged it off allowing a shock of cropped, sweaty black hair to be seen.

"Not bad, but you really need to work on your guard...that and not being so rushed to score that you lose track of what your opponent is planning next."

"I'll never get the hang of this." The young woman sighed.

"Sure you will you just need a little more practice, Aritha."

The young woman, Aritha, raised one eyebrow in slightly teasing disbelief and asked. "Hikaru, you sure you're not just being nice to me?"

"No it's the truth... " Sulu paused and tugged his helmet off then grabbed towels from where they lay on a bench nearby and tossed one to Aritha before using the other to wipe off his sweaty face. "Want to go again?" He asked hopefully.

Aritha shook her head and said playfully. "I've had enough losing for one day. All this easy winning isn't good for you. What you need is an opponent that actually is a challenge." She nodded her head toward an oblivious Chekov. She added obviously hoping the ensign would notice her "I think Chekov could probably teach you a thing or two." When Chekov didn't even glance in her direction Aritha sighed exasperatedly and shook her at the young Russian.

Sulu glanced in the young Russian's direction and frowned slightly. Chekov was seated in a t-shirt and shorts with his legs folded at the edge of the sparring mat and utterly engrossed in whatever his latest task was as his fingers raced across a data padd.

Chekov was better than he had been almost two weeks ago, when he had been rushed to sickbay for as McCoy has said 'letting loose a little too much.' It didn't matter that the doctor had tried to keep the tone light as he had spoken, Sulu hadn't missed the undercurrent behind the words as the doctor was a little too evasive for the words to sound real.

Sulu suspected that what was being called by McCoy an accidental alcohol poisoning and was the butt of jokes for several crewmembers was a lot less accidental than McCoy wanted everybody to believe.

When Sulu had gone to see Chekov in sickbay after he found out what had happened Chekov had been more worn-out Sulu had ever seen him. After apologizing repeatedly to Sulu for basically attacking him the day before, Chekov had broken down and confessed the truth of Kelly's death. Even though Sulu had been quick to reassure the Russian it wasn't his fault, he had still became so worked McCoy had been forced to sedate him.

Now after almost a week off-duty and what Sulu suspected was counselling sessions in which Chekov disappeared for an hour every day, he finally seemed a little more like his normal self. Chekov appeared to be sleeping better; he was eating again and had started socializing with other people, but he still had the habit of becoming utterly engrossed with something or staring off into space with a miserable blank look on his face.

McCoy had caught Sulu the day Chekov was released from sickbay and off-handedly mentioned that somebody needed to keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't spend too much time by himself. Sulu who already spent a good deal of time with the Russian had taken it upon himself to drag him along for all kinds of activities. Chekov had grumbled at repotting Andorian lilies in the botany lab, cataloguing geological samples, and Sulu's other odd hobbies but as the days passed the activity that left little time to brood seemed to be doing him good.

And today after going for a run Chekov had actually willing agreed to a fencing match with Sulu; though he had declined a second match after losing the first by a narrow margin and had instead preferred to sit on the sidelines and match as Sulu tutored Aritha.

"Well, Chekov how about it? You want to have another go?" Sulu asked. When Chekov didn't move or answer Sulu moved closer and asked again.

The third time as Sulu asked louder, Chekov visibly started and then stared blankly at Sulu clearly trying to figure out what had been asked. After a moment as the words registered he shook his head "No I'm wery busy. There are readings I have to analyse." The last words were muffled as Chekov refocused his attention on his task and stuck the tip of his stylus in his mouth deep in thought.

"Okay I guess." Sulu muttered shrugging slightly. He shook his head and moved off. He and Aritha changed out of their fencing gear and had a quick shower. When they came back, Chekov was still sitting on the floor in the same spot steadily working. As they came closer Aritha said off-handedly "I know it's late but I really don't feel like sleep yet. " She glanced at Chekov and asked. "Anybody want to join me for a holo-vid in Rec 4, Lieutenant Johnson got an early copy of something."

Sulu heard the note in her voice that suggested the anybody was directed to a specific person. When Chekov didn't respond Sulu asked. "You don't know of what?"

"Nope, but whatever it is has to be better than trying to sleep with all the adrenalin I have coursing through me."

Sulu nodded, watching as her eye lingered on Chekov who was engrossed in his work and unaware of Aritha's efforts to catch his attention. It was quite obvious that Aritha running into him and Chekov on an almost daily basis wasn't accidental. It had been a carefully crafted and so far unsuccessful plan on her part to gain the attention of the young ensign. Sulu decided to intervene. "Chekov you coming?" Sulu asked.

The Russian glanced up this time without having to have his name repeated. "Vhat?"

Sulu explained. Before he had even finished Chekov was shaking his head. He stood up and said "I have to finish this report Mr. Spock expects it to be completed before—"

Sulu held up a hand and Chekov abruptly stopped. "Commander Spock asked you to compile the report?"

"Yes, and if I don't have it finished, he'll—"

"Understand." Sulu interjected. Chekov shook his head and began to speak.

He was cut off by Sulu. "Commander Spock is always talking about the crew not being like Vulcans and how we need recreation for morale and he doesn't expect us to perform like Vulcans in terms of workload, right?"

Chekov nodded uncertainly, clearly unsure where Sulu was going with his argument.

"So you're not Vulcan. Put the data padd away and have some fun."

"Sulu, I have—"

"I have a higher rank than you. I could order you to stop." Sulu said only half-joking.

"Not really Mr. Spock ordered me to compile this report and since he's higher in rank than you. His orders supersede y—"

Sulu sighed. "Fine you've out logicked me. Just humour me will you?"

Chekov shook his head mutely and returned to his task, typing as he walked away. He had barely gone a step before Aritha glanced at Sulu and then back at Chekov and an inspired mischievous look crossed her face.

Without warning she neatly cut in front of the Russian and as he walked into her and he opened his mouth to protest at her obstruction of his path, she kissed him. His eyes widened and his whole face and neck turned red as she tugged the data padd from his suddenly limp fingers.

She took a step back , typed a sequence on the padd and waved the device in front of the shocked seventeen-year-old's face. "It's locked; you're done with work for today...What's the old earth phrase? all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. "

Chekov found enough breath to begin to say. "That's an archaic phrase and—"

"It applies to you."

Chekov was momentarily speechless, before he started. "I have a lot of vork..." He broke off as Aritha placed a finger over his lips.

"Tell you what. I'll be fair; you won the academy marathon once right. So, I challenge you to a race."

"A race? Aritha , I—"

"This is the only way I'm giving it back and telling you the password so take it or leave it." Chekov didn't speak he was still staring at her. She continued. "So my terms are: You win. I give you the code and you go back to boring work, or...I win and you watch a holo-vid with me and...you give me a kiss."

Chekov blushed a deeper shade of red at her last words. Aritha grinned and took off running down the corridor. Chekov glanced at Sulu who was watching the whole thing trying not to laugh. He said jokingly with a small grin on his face. "You'd better get going or you're not going to get any work done tonight."

The seventeen-year old frowned and then glanced at Aritha who had slowed down and was dangling the data padd temptingly in her fingers. "I have a report to finish. Eet isn't funny."

Sulu wiped the grin off his face and held up his hands. "Sorry kid but Aritha's behaviour is out of my hands if you want to file a theft report take it up with Security."

Chekov turned back to Sulu and this time the Russian's irritation was more obviously anger. "I have to get that finished. "

"Come on one night won't hurt you. Aritha likes you and watching a holo-vid with her won't be so bad, I—"

"I don't vant to! I don't vant her to like me. I don't vant to vatch a holo vith her. " Chekov was talking loudly, but his voice still hadn't rose enough that Aritha could hear it from where she was down the corridor. Chekov continued and this time his voice was cracking. "Me and Leah vere going to vatch a holo vhen ve got back, I promised. She—" Chekov broke off and turned away slightly clearly trying to compose himself.

Sulu let the silence stretch and stared at a bulkhead for a few seconds allowing Chekov time to wipe his eyes and clear his throat. Then he placed a hand on his friends shoulder and said quietly. "It's okay to live a little..." He paused wondering should he say what he was thinking of but continued. "Leah would want you to."

Chekov glanced up sharply at the mention of her name and Sulu saw anger then sadness rush across his face. Then he turned to stare at Aritha who had paused uncertainly in the corridor, waiting for Chekov.

Sulu said. "Go on it's okay."

Still Chekov hesitated, clearly torn. Aritha called down the corridor "Are you afraid you'll lose?" But her voice was less taunting and more like an invitation.

The Russian's shoulders hitched as he took a deep breath then he turned back to glance at Sulu once before he called to her. "Russians never lose. Ve invented running." Then he took off running after Aritha. He wasn't going very fast and Aritha was easily outpacing him, but Sulu was willing to bet Chekov's lack of alacrity wasn't entirely related to his leg healing from the injury weeks prior. He would have put his credits on Chekov having decided that the race had more of a prize to losing than winning.

Sulu grinned as he heard Aritha shout something and the Russian make a sound in reply that wasn't quite a full-blown laugh but to the helmsman the strangled almost hushed noise was one of the best sounds he had heard in a long time. It was a sound that while not exactly happy was at least hopeful. And as Sulu continued down the corridor behind the two racing teens he reflected that hope was all anybody really had.

XXXX XXXX

It was late at night. The ship was silent save for the soft hum almost imperceptible hum of the warp engines and the few crew members that walked the decks.

Very few people were awake. Running footsteps and a shout with a Russian accent awakened Uhura from the fitful twilight she had drifted off to. As the young shouts faded away Uhura rolled over and pushed her pillow into a more comfortable shape as she tried to get back to sleep. But sleep was an elusive goal and part of her was glad for her lack of slumber, it was no longer the peaceful refuge it had once been. In fact she wished she could go without sleep for several days like some species...like Vulcans.

As her memory recalled the tidbit of information she thought of Spock. Was he sleeping or mediating? Either way his face would be calm and ordered. Uhura opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. She was thinking of how Spock looked. His face was almost always peaceful, but she couldn't forget what she had seen behind his features; she couldn't forget the anger or violence he was capable of displaying. Remembering his face as he had sought to kill Silkar horrified her and yet she couldn't seem to stop thinking about it.

Images of Spock washed through her mind. His face as he figured out something new. The intense concentration as he analysed some phenomenon. The upswept eyebrows one lifted in pleasant surprise and the small smile only for her as he saw her for the first time in the morning, like she was something special like; she was his. His arms holding her protectively, as he gently kissed her and they-

She forced the rest of the image from her mind by sinking her fingernails into her arm. "Stop-stop " she whispered the lingering memory instead of bringing back a pleasant feeling mad her gag. It was too reminiscent of what had happened on the planet. It didn't matter that on the planet Silkar had been violent and forceful, and Spock was always gentle, the intrusion was the same. Both had the same strength, Spock only held back, but if he wanted to at any moment he could force his way into her consciousness with impunity.

The feeling of helplessness rose in her mind like an awakened beast. She threw back her bed covers allowing the cool air to shock her. She stood up her stomach churning with nausea, but it wasn't the feeling that had brought the sensation. The feeling had been there for a while now. Ever since she had gotten back from T'karis she had noticed a sickening sensation and the feeling of tiredness that she couldn't shake. She attributed the feelings to her chronic lack of sleep but it was getting worse the mere thought of foods had her covering her mouth and gagging.

She crossed to the synthesizer for a glass of water and halfway through punching in the code, decided to enter an entirely different sequence. Within seconds a steaming cup of tea was resting on the synthesizer pad. She cupped the mug in her hand savouring the flavour of chamomile tea mingled with lavender honey.

Uhura walked back to her bed and settled cross-legged atop the covers. The hot beverage was soothing, but the liquid wasn't making her feel any closer to sleeping. She sighed and took another sip before saying. "Lights 45%" The cabin lights faded on and she grabbed a data padd from a nearby table. She switched it on and began scanning the data that had been downloaded from the computer banks of the T'karis colony. It was mostly genealogical records, detailing the various Vulcan children kidnapped over the years to later be "transplanted" back into the federation. Some of the data though was details of the Romulan various exploits. The computer had already scanned and deciphered over 60% of the data but the rest was in a mixture of high Vulcan and Romulan, the combination of the calligraphic scripts and the faded quality of the words made human intervention necessary for entirely deciphering the documents,

Uhura started where she had left off, slowly converting the words into federation standard but the more she read the words she felt. Torture, Kidnapping, Murder Ra—Uhura clicked off the screen at the latest event detailed on the screen. It made her feel unclean just thinking about it. She stared at the suddenly blank screen the turned to her mug of tea which had cooled off from billowing steam to a slowly rising spiral.

Unwillingly her mind repeated what she had read. . She didn't want to think anybody could be that evil, but she knew the events weren't fictional recounts but a reality that had led to countless deaths and no doubt would lead to countless more. She remembered studying Romulans in the academy and how it was speculated that they had a common ancestor with Vulcans. Now that it was confirmed, people had argued what was the difference between the two species? Uhura had always disagreed with those people insisting the difference was one group was controlled and rational; the other was ruled by passion and almost without a conscious.

That had been before she had witnessed both races first hand. It had been before she had seen what each was capable of. She had gotten a glimpse after Kirk had taunted Spock on the bridge during the Narada incident. However she was quietly horrified at what he had done she had understood Spock's emotions behind his actions, but his demeanour on T'karis had been entirely different. The rage at Silkar had all encompassed him ripping away any traces that remained of him and turning him into what all Vulcans had been in the past and most Romulans were now. What had been the difference between Silkar and Spock then?

Uhura shivered and pulled her robe closer around her the thin garment was tighter than it had been. But all her clothes were now. A conversation from what seemed long ago but was actually a few weeks came back to her as she remembered Spock suggesting she requisition a new uniform size. She had been angry at his words then but he was right. Still the weight gain was probably due to her increased appetite which in spite of the nausea and tiredness still lead her to ransack the messhall late into the night.

And her mood was different but that was due to stress, she reassured herself. McCoy had suggested she come in for counselling but she had refused. She had passed the debriefing pysch eval and her work was still of the same quality so he would have needed a medical override to force her to come in. She was grateful he hadn't pursued that option. She couldn't imagine being forced to relive every moment of the events on the planet. The hot hands caressing her roughly, the lack of control, the harsh whispers and panting breaths, the pain and humiliation.

Uhura dropped the padd and rose. She felt unclean, so dirty she would forever be tainted. She moved toward the bathroom intending to take a bath it would be her third that day, but soaking in the warm water made the memories fade away. At least for a time.

She turned on the water letting the tub fill with the hot liquid, which was so much more soothing than any Sonics could be. When it was full she slipped off her robe and nightgown and slipped into the water. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander to a time when everything had been simpler. Slowly the hot water lulled her to sleep as she drifted off to childhood memories turned dreams...

She was racing barefoot through the warm savannah, under a sky lit with stars. The grasses brushed against her legs as she raced her cousins, a gazelle raced past startled by her. She watched it bound away, its grace and elegance didn't compare to her. She felt free like nothing could hold her back. But as she ran the darkness began to turn into something else; the crisp night air changed into stuffy circulated atmosphere, the sweet grasses and earthy dirt beneath her toes became hard rock and the voices of her cousins faded into racing footsteps. She glanced around the dim passage in shock. A shudder went through her as she recognised her surroundings. Her heart began hammering in her chest. Somebody was nearing and she knew who it was. She desperately ran, not turning to look. She rounded a corner and ran into a set of waiting arms. She struggled but the person held her easily. He was pulling her down; his breath was hot on her face. She felt like she was drowning she couldn't breathe. The air was as heavy as water. And he was pulling her down ...holding her down. She could barely breathe as Silkar's face loomed in front of her. He whispered. "You'll think of me forever." She struggled against him but he was stilling pinning her down... She felt like she was drowning.

Uhura awoke to hands holding her, water surrounded her. She thrashed against the person holding her. She wouldn't let them restrain her. Water beaded down her face and screams were tore from her throat as she struggled to free herself and drew in desperate water choked breaths.

"Shh, Nyota, shhh." A soft warm voice said. "You're safe."

"Let me go." She gasped still struggling, but the hands wouldn't release her. She saw a face as she turned her face upward. The features were familiar and yet not. The pointed ears, black eyes and neat hair was too similar to another person. She clawed at person gripping her, drawing green blood and still she wasn't released. She screamed again, choking out water as she did so. Somebody was pulling her from where she was still half submerged in the tub. Arms gently but firmly lifted her up effortlessly. She tried to pull free and whimpered but her cries were interspersed with sobs.

A warm hand swept her damp hair back from her face. "Nyota you're okay. It's-it's Spock."

She knew who it was now but that didn't make it easier when he reminded her of another person. She stopped struggling and allowed him to pull her against him as she curled up her body wracked with sobs. All her mental barriers and fallen and her emotions were trickling out in waves that were clearly perceptible by the person holding her.

Spock cradled her damp body to his, not minding that his uniform was soaked with water and now tears. He knew she wanted him to stay away but he couldn't. No matter what had happened he loved her and always would. He grabbed her robe from where it had fallen to the floor and gently draped it over her nude body. He held her until the water on his uniform had cooled and her breathing had quieted.

Uhura lay with her head pillowed on Spock's chest and her body wrapped in his strong arms, like he was all that held her together. She felt small and vulnerable. Uhura was grateful when he covered her with her robe, giving her a small measure of privacy. As her cries lessened, she tried to gain control of herself. She was a woman who had come from a long line of strong people. The person who had started and graduated academy ahead of numerous others. She had been part of saving innumerable peopled during the Narada incident. She should be able to handle what had happened on T'karis, she should be able to function. But it was easier to stay huddled against Spock and forgo her responsibilities allowing the past to drift away.

She felt Spock at the edge of her mind and knew that he was easily able to breach her consciousness if he chose to. However she knew he would never do so and she wouldn't willingly allow him in. Summoning her energy she shielded her mind and felt Spock retreat into his own. The void left by his lack of contact was gaping, threatening to drown her. She reached through their link and found him again.

She felt his emotions. His sadness, his anger at himself, his father, and maybe a small part at her. She also felt his pleasure at their minds mingling and his desire for more. Though the feeling was shielded she knew he wanted the link to go deeper for their minds and...bodies to be closer. She withdrew in disgust as she experienced the thought. Uhura was acutely aware of her naked body pressed against him and the feelings she was arousing. She pulled back shoving herself from his grip. Her feet touched the floor and she pulled her robe tighter around her shoulders, avoiding Spock's eyes. Water pooled on the floor around her as the silence stretched.

Spock felt her examining his mind and the roiling turmoil of emotion. He felt both her immaterial mind and her material body and the warm weight of her settled against him was enticing. As much as he tried to control the thought he felt her stiffen and shudder as she perceived it. He released her as she pulled away and watched in silence as she drew her robe around herself shielding her body from view. Water mingled with tears dripped down her face.

Spock stood feeling his wet uniform tug uncomfortably at him. Neither spoke for several minutes. Then Uhura whispered "Why are you here?"

"I was on my way to one of the science labs when I perceived your distress and though I was reluctant to breach your privacy. I thought it prudent I check on your well-being." Spock's answer was only half the truth. Spock had been going to the geology lab but even before he felt her chaotic emotions in his mind he had already started for her cabin. He needed to see her, the anguish he had felt her experiencing had only given him a rationalization for overriding the lock to her cabin and entering her room. He hadn't seen her through the open bathroom door, but he had noticed her clothes on the floor and when he had entered he saw her submerged in the tub. He had feared she was dead as he plunged his arms into the water dragging her upward, but as soon as he had touched her she had drawn a gasping breath and began struggling.

Uhura didn't acknowledge Spock's statement or meet his eyes, instead she whispered. "You shouldn't be here. I –I don't need you here. " Spock moved closer and reached toward her.

When she didn't move away but merely flinched, he leaned closer and placed a hand behind her head. He gently kissed her lips as he quietly murmured "but I need you." He felt her hands grip the back of his uniform as he held her tighter. He kissed her again. One hand stroked her hair back. He rested his head atop hers breathing in her scent.

They both closed their eyes feeling each other. As Spock's finger touched her neck a flashed of memory jolted through her like a lighting strike. She pulled away. "Please Spock don't."

For the first time in days she looked into his eyes. She tried to keep her voice steady as she said. "Spock I'm not the same person. Things have changed. They've changed a lot and—" She broke off.

"Uhura it doesn't—" Spock moved closer wanting her to know, whatever was going on they would get through it together. He stretched a hand toward her while extending his mind, but she walled him off shutting him out and pulling her arms protectively around herself. She cut through his words with a quite. "Don't do this, just leave." Then she turned and left the room. Spock stared at where she had been standing for a minute before following her out. He saw her curled on her bed quietly crying but he didn't go to her. He paused at her door for an infinitesimal moment, and then he left. His face was once again impassive, but inside he was slowly crumbling.

Tears coursed down her cheeks n silence. Uhura stared at her trembling hands. Spock didn't understand. So many things had changed and would never be the same. Silkar had said she would think of him everyday ad she did. She remembered picking up the weapon and killing him. She remembered what he had done to her and she felt different, both her mind and body felt different.

She stood up. She had to know. Slowly she walked towards the bathroom and pulled a small object from the cabinet.

Next and last update will be between 1-3 days from May 6st. Thanks to all who have reviewed, followed, or favourited. So what are your thoughts on the update. Do you think things are resolved with Chekov now and he can finally begin to heal? What do you see happening with Spock and Uhura's relationship? This epilogue was meant to be a single chapter, but the chapter would have been 8k so I spilt it. Anyway enjoy and feedback is welcome.