Chapter XXXVII
On the days that followed, Kid's shoulder gradually got back into shape and soon he was back to his rides and other chores around the station at full steam. It was the first week of March and the first hints announcing that the spring was close were noticeable. The days were now not so cold, the trees were timidly showing their new shoots and the fields were starting to cover their surface with lush greenness and flowers. The change of seasons brought about a jolly atmosphere among the riders, who were glad to welcome the warm spring. The rides under the snow or against the freezing wind were something none were very fond of, but they had a job to do regardless of the circumstances. Fortunately, with the good weather the rides wouldn't be so hard and in fact, all of them would enjoy riding under the gentle sun.
After their first conversation in a long time, the situation had notably improved between Kid and Lou. While he had been confined to bed after being wounded, Louise had come to see him and they had been able to talk every single day. The girl seemed to have reversed to the special and lovely person Kid had first met all those months ago. Now they laughed together, they joked together, they talked together. Kid felt he was having the time of his life, but in the same thought came the terrible realization that he wanted to be like this forever. All day long he kept longing for the moment when they would be together, usually in one of her prescribed walks and then those minutes flew by so quickly that left a terrible yearning in the rider.
The Southerner was starting to loathe those lonely and long rides which prevented him from seeing her at all or those days when it rained continually, which made it impossible to go for a walk or be with her alone. Kid did not want to think about what lay in their future once the baby was born and simply focused on one day at a time. Lately Louise looked happier and more cheerful than in all those previous months and Kid wished with all his heart she could smile as brightly every single day for the rest of her life, and he could be there to see her. However, her mood always darkened whenever he asked her about the enigmatic words she had uttered that day about Boggs. The Southerner did not know what she was hiding and wished she could trust him, but seeing how upset she got whenever he brought up the matter, after a while he had stopped asking her altogether.
Kid was still troubled about what he should do about Patricia. Before getting shot, he had been completely sure that he wanted to break off their engagement, but going through with it was not an easy task. Whenever he tried to tackle the matter, either something happened or he simply couldn't pluck up the courage to do so. Their wedding was just a month away, and Kid knew he was running out of time. He needed to do something before it was too late.
Patricia continually kept blabbering about their wedding arrangements; she was living in her own cotton-candy world and never saw anything strange beyond her nose like the reluctance in her husband-to-be to share her enthusiasm about their coming marriage. A couple of days ago she had come up with the idea of having some kind of engagement dinner at the station with Kid's friends and family. The Southerner had tried to discourage her and convince her that it wasn't a good idea, but Patricia had turned a deaf ear to her fiancé. Without his clear approval, she had hired Rachel's help for the occasion, and today they would have that stupid and senseless dinner.
The corral fence had been in urgent need of repair for quite a while, and today Teaspoon had requested his riders to take over the task before the whole thing fell apart. At the moment Kid was nailing the planks that Jimmy held against the posts absent-mindedly but at half-way through the whole process they ran out of nails.
"This was the last box in the shed," Jimmy informed him.
"I think there's one in the bunkhouse from when we fixed the bunks," added Kid as he started off across the yard. "Won't be long."
The Southerner marched towards the bunkhouse, subconsciously casting a quick look at the window behind which Lou usually stood, but today for some reason she wasn't there. Kid continued towards the building, and as soon as he stepped onto the porch, the sweet smell of chocolate wafted past him and he felt his stomach rumble in hunger. When he slid into the bunkhouse, he saw that Rachel was over the stove covering a sponge cake with sweet chocolate cream.
"That sure smells great," the rider commented as he started rummaging through the shelves in search of the box of nails.
Rachel smiled at the compliment as she turned to him and said, "Chocolate cake. Your favorite. Tonight is a special occasion for you, young man, so I've chosen a memorable menu."
The mention of tonight's dinner and the occasion behind it made Kid feel desolate and the smile vanished from his face at once. "I see," he replied sorrowfully.
The change in his mood did not go unnoticed to the station mistress and her forehead creased into a frown while she asked, "Something wrong, Kid?"
The rider stopped his search and stared at the blonde lady for a few seconds, debating with himself whether to tell her, but in the end he simply said, "No, nothing's the matter."
Rachel did not buy his lie and leaving her position before the stove, she walked up to him, wiping her hands on her apron. "Kid, you know you can tell me anything that worries you. I can really tell you don't look very happy."
The Southerner stared at her for a few more seconds and then exclaimed, throwing his arms to the sky in frustration, "This whole thing is nothing but a farce!"
"What do you mean, Kid?"
"This engagement dinner. It's a big lie because I don't wanna marry Patricia!"
The truth was out of his mouth before he could do anything to stop it, and surprise quickly registered in the station mistress's countenance. "What's happened? Have you two fought?"
"No," Kid answered, shaking his head ruefully and realized that now that he had opened up to Rachel, he'd better tell her the whole thing. "I just don't love her the way a man should love a woman."
"Have you talked with her about all this?"
Kid shook his head again while he dropped on the bench along the bunkhouse table, resting his right elbow on its surface. "With me being wounded and … everything else I haven't had the chance and …"
"You know those are only excuses, Kid," Rachel stated as she sat next to the rider.
The Southerner looked up at the woman and answered defensively, "It ain't that easy, Rachel"
"The wedding is just a month away," the station mistress insisted. "What are you waiting for? Are you planning to jilt her at the altar or go through the whole thing knowing that you ain't in love with her?"
"I will talk to her, I promise," Kid muttered in a very soft voice. "I will, but not tonight."
Rachel did not agree with the rider's position, but didn't say anything against it and instead she asked, "Kid, can I ask you something?" The rider lifted his gaze to her quizzically, and the woman questioned hesitantly, "Is there … is there somebody else?"
The rider let out a weary sigh and nodding his head he said, "There's always been somebody else."
"Oh Kid," Rachel exclaimed in a contrite tone, fully aware of the identity of the unmentioned person. She had no idea that things were that serious. "Honey, you know how things are."
"I could take care of her, Rachel," Kid stated without paying any mind to the woman's words. "I know I can… like we've been doing here so far."
"I'm sure you'd be good for her," Rachel replied using her words very carefully. "But things ain't that simple, honey. There's a baby involved."
"She would never harm our child!"
"Kid, you don't know that! Unfortunately, nobody can. No one knows how she might react, not even her. She can't foresee or prevent her own reactions and neither can you."
"Rachel, she's doing so much better. She hasn't tried anything in all the months she's been here. I'm sure this time with all of us is helping her more than all the years she's spent in the asylum," Kid stated passionately. "If we stayed here, wouldn't you help us … wouldn't you give us a hand with the baby?"
"Of course. You know I would but … this whole thing … I don't know, Kid. Are you sure of what you're getting yourself into?"
"Not really," Kid admitted truthfully. "I just know I love her more than anything in this world. She's all I want."
Moved by his confession Rachel covered his hand with hers, and looked at the rider with compassionate eyes. "Kid, I had no idea. You must be suffering so much."
The Southerner made a bitter gesture, disregarding her words while he said, "Not as much as her." And directing his tortuous eyes to the woman, he added, "I don't know if she still wants me, but I need to do something for her. I can't let her suffer any longer, and I won't stay idle while she's forced to live in that place. That's not for her. You can't imagine what that hole is like, Rachel. Of the little I got to see I just know it's a living hell."
"We'll talk to John," Rachel replied, her heart going out for the girl who she was so fond of. Lou could be sick, but the station mistress had always understood that it was their moral duty to look for her best interests. Even though she wasn't sure that Kid's good intentions were the best solution, she knew that they had to find an alternative to accommodate Louise.
"Your husband won't be of any help," Kid replied with irritation as she brought to mind the times he had tried to get Boggs's help for Lou like when she had been accused of murder. The banker had always refused, and the Southerner was sure that he wouldn't be much more willing in this case.
"We'll talk him into it, Kid," the woman insisted in an attempt to show her faith in her husband. She might not understand his attitude towards Louise, but she knew or wanted to believe that he meant well. The station mistress felt the need to believe that her husband had done what he thought was best for Louise and his family. Kid was about to protest her words but Rachel didn't let him. "First, you have to sort out your matters and clear things up with Patricia, don't you?"
"I will."
"Good then," Rachel replied. "Come and find me when you do. We'll talk about Louise then and not before. Now go back to your chores. I have a dinner to prepare… cause I imagine you don't want to call it off, do you?"
Kid shook his head ruefully and without a word he walked out of the bunkhouse. Rachel resume working on the cake, silently praying that everybody would finally find the best track to follow. Maybe this new perspective would open a brighter horizon for Louise because she urgently needed one.
Rachel crossed the yard towards her house. Everybody else was already around the bunkhouse table ready to start eating the delicious meal she had prepared for dinner, but she still needed to fetch Louise. Patricia had arrived a short while ago, beaming happily and wearing a beautiful, richly embroidered dress which made her look more distant from the humble Pony Express family. The men were wearing their Sunday bests and Rachel had also chosen one of her best dresses, but compared with Patricia they all looked like paupers. The only ones missing from today's dinner were Jeremiah and Theresa. Their teacher had taken all her pupils to spend the night in contact with nature so that the children could see everything they learned in natural science with their own eyes.
As soon as Patricia had arrived, Rachel had noticed Kid's uncomfortable and wretched expression. It was clear that the rider wasn't enjoying the situation at all, and the station mistress hoped that he could finally muster the courage to get out of that fix. She didn't know what they would decide to do about Lou's situation, but Kid needed to break off his engagement with Patricia, which was obviously making him very miserable.
The station mistress reached Louise's room and after knocking lightly, she let herself in. Lou was lying on the bed, her eyes open directed towards the ceiling, and one of her hands stroking her very noticeable middle. "Dinner time, sweetheart," Rachel announced cheerfully.
"Can I skip it tonight?" the girl replied gruffly as she sat up.
The older woman sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and asked, "Why? What's wrong?"
"I'm so tired."
"Are you sure it's just that?" Rachel asked studying her face carefully and when the girl cast a quizzical glance in her direction she added, "Would your tiredness have anything to do with tonight's special dinner for Patricia and Kid?"
"Is it special?" Louise asked with a tiring and uninteresting tone. "I didn't know."
"Some kind of engagement dinner."
"Oh well… I knew they were getting married from the beginning … no much difference now," Lou replied trying to show that she didn't care, but the truth was that she was actually feeling the pain inside.
"I see," Rachel said, not believing her explanation completely. "So what's the problem then?"
"I can't sleep properly," Lou exclaimed irritated. "I haven't' been able to sleep the night through for three days. I can never find a comfortable position in bed and sometimes the baby's pressure in my chest makes me unable to breathe. My back aches, my legs are swollen … Is it enough for you or shall I continue?" she concluded sarcastically.
Rachel couldn't help but smile despite Lou's bleak mood today. The girl was seven months along and was starting to suffer the discomforts of pregnancy. "Having a baby ain't that easy, is it?"
"I'm not complaining, Rachel, but …"
"I understand. I gather you must be so looking forward to the actual birth, aren't you?" the woman remarked without actually thinking what she was saying, and when Lou averted her pained eyes, she realized her silly mistake. Rachel wanted to kick herself hard for her insensitive blunder and aware that she couldn't take her words back, the station mistress added, "Then are you staying here tonight? I can bring some food for you later."
Louise kept thoughtful for a few seconds. Since Christmas she hadn't missed a single meal in the bunkhouse even though she had felt like doing so more than once. If she didn't turn up tonight, it would look odd, and every one of them would jump to the same conclusion that Rachel had. They would all think that she was hurt or distraught because of Kid's coming wedding. Lou didn't want to give anybody that satisfaction, least of all that horrible woman who was going to occupy her place in the life of her dear baby. Lou swore to herself that she'd show her and everybody else she didn't care. She'd be at that table tonight, witnessing their happiness even though she had to drag her weary body across the yard and towards the bunkhouse.
"No, it's fine. I'll go," Louise stated and with Rachel's help she managed to raise herself from the bed.
Despite the supposedly "happy" reason for tonight's dinner, the atmosphere around the bunkhouse table was somehow very subdued and dull. Nobody was in the mood to talk but for Boggs and Patricia, who had hogged the night's whole conversation with just a few interventions from Teaspoon, who had strangely contracted his riders' sullen temper. Lou was in a foul mood. The light-hearted conversation between her father and that girl was really getting on her nerves, which were already frayed because of the discomfort she was feeling. Her body ached and she kept shifting on her chair at the top of the table, unable to find a position she felt comfortable in. Besides, she kept going to the outhouse, which resulted in her food getting too cold to her taste. This was her third trip outside, and when she dropped on the chair next to her father, the banker loudly banged his fist against the table while he barked loudly, "Will you keep still for one moment, dammit! You're making us all nervous!"
Louise had to bite her tongue not to lash out and took a deep breath while staring at him with big eyes.
"John," Rachel spoke up in an admonishing tone, "she's pregnant. She can't help it."
Boggs shifted his eyes to his wife and added with a serious smirk, "She could have helped something else and we would all now be happier and more at peace."
At the comment Lou's anger boosted, but she refrained her tongue from saying anything she might regret. On her part Rachel was so flabbergasted that she was unable to utter a single word. Kid didn't look much happier, and he simply directed his eyes to Lou, who seemed to be on the verge of exploding. He wanted to say something to defend her honor, but Boggs didn't give him the opportunity for he turned to a very smiling Patricia, thus ignoring everybody else. "Miss, Putman, as I was saying before, please don't think we haven't thought of a wedding present for you two."
"Mr. Boggs, you don't have to bother yourself," the girl replied in a too flirtatious tone.
"No bother at all. Me and Rachel will have a nice gift for you on your special day, a token of our appreciation," the man continued in a confident and breezy fashion. "In the meantime, I have a little something that could help make sure your marriage runs problem-free." The man produced an envelope from his inner pocket and handed it to the girl. "It just came this morning."
Patricia took the letter out of the envelope and started reading it. "I don't understand a word of this gibberish. It's in some strange language."
"Spanish," Boggs explained with a satisfied smile on his lips. "It's simply a confirmation for my … my daughter's new home. Mexico ." At his words Lou stared at him, her eyes wide as saucers and her countenance contorted in horror and boiling anger. "You and Kid are a lovely couple and I guess you won't want any troublesome interference. And … neither will I. So if we remove the problem or send it away…"
Louise felt anger bubble inside her like the lava about to erupt from a volcano but she was so shocked that all she was able to do was to stare at him with big eyes. Her hand was gripping the edge of the table so strongly that her knuckles had gone white. Her father was going to send her to Mexico, to a foreign country, far from everything and everybody, with a different language, different customs, and different people. If it had been terrible in the asylum where she had stayed all these years, she couldn't imagine it would be much better in a place where she couldn't understand or make herself understood. This was the lowest she could ever go. Her baby would be miles and miles away. A blind fury had gripped her soul so strongly that she could hardly breathe and felt she was gonna faint at any moment, weak as she was.
In the same way Kid had been astounded and completely astonished to hear Boggs announce that she was planning to send Lou even further than she had been. This was so opposite to what he wanted and almost subconsciously his eyes searched for Rachel, who didn't look any happier. The woman discreetly gestured him to stay calm and spinning her index finger she beckoned him that they would talk about the matter later. Kid knew that this wasn't the place or the time to sort this out, but he literally had to bite his tongue to stop his angered words from barging out against the banker. He might keep quiet now, but there was no way he was going to allow Boggs to get rid of Lou like that. If it was necessary, he would elope with her and take her where nobody could find them.
Oblivious to what three of the people around the table were thinking and feeling, Boggs continued happily talking to Patricia. He kept asking her about her wedding plans and the life she and Kid would lead when they became husband and wife. Much to Lou's chagrin the banker kept praising the girl, joking with her, teasing her as if they were more than mere acquaintances. Louise fought hard to hold back the tears that were threatening her with spilling from behind her eyes. She was hurt and infuriated beyond reason since her father behaved as if he were having the time of his life, enjoying his new victory over her and his joy for her unhappiness.
"I'm sure you're gonna be the most beautiful bride we've ever seen," Boggs said smiling from ear to ear, and looking at his wife he added, "No offense, my love. You looked breathtaking on our wedding day."
Rachel made a gesture of indifference, which her husband didn't see since he turned his attention to Patricia who was talking. "You're very kind to me, Mr. Boggs."
"I'm just confirming what everybody else can see," Boggs replied. "But when are you going to start calling me John? We should do without formalities. We're practically related since you're gonna be the mother of my grandchild."
On hearing those words, something inside Louise snapped as if she had been slapped hard on her face and before she knew what she was doing, she jumped to her feet more quickly than she actually could because of her now heavy body. "Your grandchild! Your grandchild!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs. "How dare you!"
Her reaction took everybody around the table by surprise, and Boggs leered at Louise contemptuously while he snarled, "Sit down and shut the hell up, girl!"
"No!" she yelled as a powerful force started bubbling in her inside. She was beyond furious, and she could not stay put any longer. "I ain't gonna be hushed anymore! You're gonna listen to me for once in your life whether you like it or not!" She felt she was beyond control, but she didn't care. He wasn't going to trample over her like he always did, not this time.
At her words Boggs reached to grab her arm and thus force her back onto her chair, but Lou was quicker and in a flash she took hold of a knife which was on the surface of the table. Her action froze the banker when she pointed the knife at him menacingly and the other occupants of the bunkhouse got as alarmed. "Honey, please let go of the knife. Please," Rachel pleaded as she rose to her feet. "Please calm down."
"No!" Louise snarled furiously, her voice tinged with the blinding anger she was feeling. She kept pointing the sharp knife in her father's direction and talked in the same furious way. "Just stay out of this, Rachel! He's gonna listen to everything I have to say … to everything that had been burning inside me for many years. You hear me?" she cried, bringing the sharp knife so close to his face that he recoiled in his seat. "It's high time I told you a couple of truths. You're nothing but the lowest scum on the surface of the earth!"
"Louise!" Rachel exclaimed in shock. She was afraid of what the girl could do in the nervous state she was in but nobody dared to move a muscle and kept still.
Lou did not pay any heed to Rachel and continued her angered tirade regardless. "How can you be so damn cynical? I've never heard so much rubbish in my whole life. I'm sick and tired of all your damn lies. I'm just nothing but one of your lies, and I don't even know who I really am because of you. You ruined … destroyed my childhood, my youth, my entire life, father!"
"Don't …" Boggs tried in a bitter voice but Louise cut him off and did not let him utter one more word.
"I know, I know. You're not my father." The girl paused for just one second and inhaled deeply to hold back the tears that pricked her eyes. The room was now in complete silence and everybody's attention was focused on the languid figure brandishing the knife in the middle of the bunkhouse. "I've learned your lies very well. I've learned your scorn, your contempt, your disdain. You're a great teacher and taught me so well, didn't you, father?" she asked ironically with a bitter smile on her lips but Boggs kept quiet in a dignified way. "You and your lies. Some combination. You enjoy telling people I was weird from a very early age, that I was a lonely girl, that I acted funny. Liar and thousand times a liar! I was never weird… I was never aloof… I was never peculiar. I was cheerful and lively, fresh and hopeful, but you killed that girl… that poor girl. I never had any friends because of you, I was lonely because of you, I became a recluse because of you. You told everybody a bunch of lies about me and scared them away. Nobody could doubt Mr. John Boggs's word, could they? I was just a girl, an ordinary girl, and you turned me into an embittered and sad being. You made sure I understood clearly that I was not loved or wanted, and I learned it very well. How could you do that to me? Why on earth do you hate me so much?"
Her voice echoed in the bunkhouse ominously and Louise let out a throaty sigh while trying to control those tears that threatened to drown her, but she fought them stubbornly. She needed to keep strong and voice her truth. "Yes, I know the answer. You are not my father and I am not your daughter," Louise uttered the words sarcastically, her mouth forming a scornful sneer, and as she repeated the statement her countenance became dead serious. "I am not your daughter, but I never asked to be born. Maybe I should never have been born… For you everything was my fault. I never learned what crime I had committed to earn the punishment life became for me. You made me feel that I had no right to breathe, to move, to live…My mere existence meant a sin against everything and against you. I was just a little girl… just a little girl and despite all your hatred and disdain, every day I prayed with all my heart that you noticed me, that you smiled at me, that you loved me. I just wanted a tiny little gesture from you, just one word. One single little word. But every word I got from you was just an expression of your hatred and my worthlessness. I finally understood that no matter what I did or said, I was only worthy of your contempt."
Louise paused again and had a deep intake of air. "It was then that I began to fantasize about my real father. I thought about him all the time and wondered what he would look like, what he would be like. I dreamt that one day he could come and take me away with him. He would be happy to have me as his daughter and would love me as much as you care for Jeremiah and Theresa. He would kiss me good-night , he would tell me stories and tales, he would shower me with presents and he would be very proud of me. It was my dream, my fantasy and in those lonely nights in the asylum that dream was the only thing that comforted me and kept me alive. I never stopped praying that he would save me from that hole." At this point Louise stopped intentionally and then stated, "And I did look for him."
On hearing this Boggs, who had kept his eyes downcast during the whole tirade, looked up and frowned. His reaction made Lou smile wryly while she continued, "Are you surprised? It's the truth. I looked for him, I looked for my father." Louise paused again, and then her voice acquired a bitter and desperate shade as she unfolded her tale. "Some ladies from church regularly came to the asylum and one of them, Mrs. Carpenter, was especially kind to me. We used to have long conversations, and I always talked about my hopes to find my real father. And she helped me." Louise stopped for the umpteenth time as she could feel the tears spilling from her eyes. She wiped them furiously with her free hand and then continued in a whisper, "She went to the town where my mother and you met… where I was born … where Ma spent her youth … where you thought she had betrayed you. Mrs. Carpenter talked to every single soul who had met my mother … her neighbors, her acquaintances, her few relatives, her best friend. But there was nobody else. Nobody knew anything about another man but you. The man who I'd been dreaming about all my life didn't exist. There was no man but you… not other father but you, the person who had managed to turn my whole existence into a living hell."
"That's not true!" Boggs bellowed. "You're lying!"
"It's the truth!" Louise retorted back in the same loud tone. "Nobody else had more interest in finding him than me. There was nobody. Nobody. My real father was the same man who had tormented me and forced me to stay in that dirty, black hole day and night. Can you imagine what that revelation meant to me? It killed me, and I wanted to die. I almost did. That night I managed to let my wrists bleed once again. I was really close that time, but unfortunately I lived." Lou paused, and turned her hand to show the lines on her wrist. "These scars you show around so amusedly represent my whole life. Yes, that's my life: scars. It's funny, ain't it, Mr. Boggs? 'Oh Louise has a damn weird obsession' you say and laugh. Because it's really funny… hilarious, ain't it?" Lou let out a mocking peal of laughter, and when she sobered, she gazed at him with an embittered expression. "I don't have any damned obsessions. Every single time I've slashed my wrists was because I wanted to die, really to die, to leave this world that I never felt I belonged to. I can't carry on. You can't even imagine how life is in that blasted place, just waiting for time to drag by and knowing that your existence is doomed to those four walls. Have you ever felt scared, really scared? Have you ever felt that you can't trust your own shadow and you can't know what's gonna befall you? Nights there are the longest, and days seem to have no end. Have you ever stopped to think and imagine for one single second what I was going though there? I didn't have to imagine it because I lived all that. I do live all that. How would you feel if you were in a place you don't belong to without hope of leaving it ever? There was only one way I could get my freedom, my liberation, only one. I didn't want to carry on with that life. It's a living hell and you … you forced me to face that destiny every single day without remorse or compassion. You know very well I've never been mad … I'm not crazy. You know why I did what I did, don't you, father? You know why a thirteen-year-old girl tried an attempt on her own life. You know it." Lou paused again, and let out her breath. "Don't you ever feel any remorse at all? Can you really sleep at night peacefully and without regrets? Don't you ever give a thought to that night? Ever, father? How could you do that to me? I was just a child … only a child … and you let that man, that horrible man touch me, touch your daughter … have his way with me." A gasp was heard in the room but Louise continued as if she didn't notice anything else around her. "You can't imagine what he did to me, what he forced me to do. I can still remember his fetid breath on my skin, his abusive hands… I still feel disgusted with myself and the nightmares have never ceased." Lou's voice was quivering and at times it faltered, but she did not stop. She felt a strong need to let out what had been eating her for years and she had never dared to voice. "I hope you sold me at a good price, father. I hope my sacrifice did really pay well for you. How the hell do you think I felt? Of course. You don't care. Who would care for a girl who nobody even knows whose she is, who her father is? Who cares if she takes a knife and tries to kill herself? Who cares whether she is really crazy or not? Who cares? Nobody did, nobody does and nobody will."
The room was in complete silence and its occupants' countenances were white with horror as they heard the girl's angry and sad tirade. The flames from the fireplace reflected on her figure and made her appear like a strange vision to their eyes. Nobody dared to say a word and after letting out a heavy sigh, Louise continued in a faint voice. "I'm so tired, so terribly tired. I can't carry on any longer. I just can't. When my baby is born, I'll go, never to come back, and there'll be no mistakes, not this time." She stopped for a minute and gazing at Boggs intently she added in a bitter voice. "Thank you for making my life so perfect, father. Nobody could've done it better." The sobs that she had held back took over and the tears flooded from her eyes in cascades. Louise stared at her hand holding the knife and with a desperate cry she hurled it across the room at full force angrily. Her arms came to bury her face and her bitter wails resounded in the room.
On hearing her cries, Rachel jumped to her feet and ran to the girl. Passing an arm around her shoulders the station mistress held the girl against her while she soothed her, "Shh! Come on, honey. Let's get you out of here and settled in your room. Don't strain yourself anymore."
Louise let Rachel steer her out of the bunkhouse and when the door closed behind them, the room remained in silence. Boggs had his eyes downcast and his hands rested against his chin as if he had been left frozen. Teaspoon and the riders looked shocked and completely horrified. Suddenly, in the silence of the bunkhouse a voice resounded. "Goodness me, she's worse than I thought!"
Very slowly Kid turned his head to one side where his fiancée sat with a teasing smile on her lips. Seeing her look so contented made Kid's irritation soar and he couldn't help snap at her, "Will you shut up!" The girl looked at the rider with a surprised frown and regretting his harshness he simply said, "Come on, I'll take you home."
The couple left after the girl bid the remaining occupants goodbye as if nothing had happened that night. The room remained quiet and Teaspoon finally managed to find his voice. He rose to his feet and muttered in a serious, tone, "Boys, all of a sudden I'm feelin' very sick. I'd better head back to town before I do somethin' I might regret."
Without a single word the marshal walked out of the room without bothering to close the door and one by one the riders followed suit. They all filed out of the bunkhouse leaving a very lonely and shocked Boggs behind.
Author's note: This is one of my favourite chapters. I don't know if it's well written or not, but whenever I read it, I can feel and see Lou so clearly in my head that even after all these years I have tears in my eyes after I finish reading the chapter. I wrote this piece long before I wrote all the other chapters, because this was the key moment in the story. I hope you like it as much as I still do.