Shō 36-Hirakeru Kaotsunagi
Chapter 36-Getting Reacquainted

Akatsuki had no idea of the state of her abilities and strength. She had never been in a position to be unable to do that which she believed she wished to do. But she had not realized that even after two weeks, the level of her abilities had still been so weakened after losing her life force that she would be unable to get even a short distance away to call for Adona until she had fallen.

To utilize her youki now in an attempt to heal herself would rid her of her brokened bones, but what would it do to her in the long run? Would she weaken herself further? Would utilizing her youki power leave her dependent on Sesshomaru for longer than anticipated, or perhaps even longer than he would wish? It seemed like no matter what she did of late, was wrong. Sesshomaru had spared her life, but she did not know why. She had much to make up for. She would do nothing to cause him any further undo distress.
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Having accepted his decision to spare her life, despite his knowledge that Akatsuki did not wish to be with him, Sesshomaru remained bound and determined to care for her. He was still her lord, and she had done him a great service. He knew not what this ridiculous confusion was that had possessed him of late, but he would attribute it to no more than heightened curiosity for a member of a clan he knew nothing about and he would conquer it. He was the youkai lord of two territories. He would not allow himself to be defeated by such insignificant issues. In an attempt to follow through on his desire to be more communicative with her, the youkai lord decided he would show her and the hanyou both that he feared no one. He would check on her before joining his group this night, and thus set upon subduing this confusion.

Knowing Akatsuki had refused to eat since she had awakened, these past two weeks, and unwilling to take no for an answer again, Sesshomaru procured one of the small stable animals brought to him by the residents of the southern lands. Believing that like him, Akatsuki would likely be unable to consume human food, he did not even bother to consort with the head cook before killing and slicing the animal into small manageable pieces and placing it in a large bowl to present to her.

Surprised to sense her lord's aura outside her door, Akatsuki sat up when he knocked and tried to make herself presentable by pulling the bedding across her chest and securing it beneath her damaged arm contained by the sling, then pulling her hair across her shoulders in an attempt to conceal as much of the bandages as possible, but realized how foolish that effort was. Sesshomaru had put them on her, he knew they were there whether her hair covered it or not, so what was she trying to hide? But she hated the thought of being a reminder to him of what she had done. But still, if he surmised what she had now attempted, she might anger him further, would he change his mind and kill her for that? If only she understood him better. During the time she had her abilities shut down, she had become familiar with him, but still, she knew him not. If only she could sense his heart, she would know his thoughts.

"Come," she responded, her heart trembling and swelling with frightened emotion as the door slid open and Sesshomaru entered balancing two large bowls, several chops, as well as a carafe of water with a couple of glasses in his hands with several table napkins draped across one of his arms.

"Sesshomaru," Akatsuki began stunned by the fact that he had returned, and then to have what, brought food? Why had he simply not requested one of his servants do that? She knew he had retained others for such purposes. "I...I...," she stopped, refusing to say anything for fear of embarrassing him as he placed the bowls, glasses and the carafe on the table beside her bed. He had only come to present her with nourishment. She had not eaten for several days, not since before she had initially encountered him and even though she was able to withstand hunger for quite some time, in her weakened state even she could use some sustenance.

"You need to eat," Sesshomaru said, now removing and laying the table napkins across the small night stand, then removing his swords and resting them on a dresser before turning toward her. "I brought you nourishment."

"I..., oh..., thank you," Akatsuki managed to squeak out then looked down at the bowl's contents. But there were two bowls; was it his intent to have her eat both, or did he intend to eat with her?

"How is your arm," Sesshomaru asked reaching over to examine the break in her left arm by touch alone. "Are you in pain?"

"I am fine," Akatsuki said, grimacing slightly as he gently moved her arm. She had not expected to see him, let alone have him caring for her again. She had thought he would hate even the sight of her.

"I am pleased that you did not utilize more youki to heal yourself," Sesshomaru said, fingering the broken bone in her arm to determine its status. It was clearly still broken, but he could tell it was beginning to heal slowly. "You have not yet recovered from your previous injury, and utilizing additional youki would do nothing but injure you further."

Akatsuki continued to study him with puzzlement as he reached out and retrieved two table napkins, draping one across her lap, then leaning forward to wrap another around her neck. Lifting her head slightly to allow him access, Akatsuki continued studying him as he moved her hair to obtain better access. Sesshomaru was so close to her. She could feel his strength and the awesome power in his body. Except for when he was so angered at her, he had never truly been so close even though he had lifted her into his arms; she had never felt his power. Was it because she was looking at him with different eyes? She did not know, but now, he just seemed so very powerful, so beautiful and so extremely thoughtful. And to think, he could have been hers, if only...

Finished, Sesshomaru paused as he diverted his golden gaze down and looked into her eyes, but Akatsuki turned away with embarrassment.

"Can you manage this?" he asked as he handed her a fashionable chop. "Or would it be preferable for me to assist you?"

"No, I believe I will be fine," Akatsuki said taking the chop in her right hand and resting them against her lap. "Fresh bowled meat?" she stated, looking up at him with a disturbed expression covering her face; her blue eyes wide in obvious surprise. "But... but you do not normally take your nourishment in such a manner, do you?"

"No, I usually consume a large animal in my transformed state, and it sustains me for at least a month."

The youkai hidenka lowered her head in apparent regret.

"Is something wrong?"

"Sesshomaru, I apologize for being such a trouble to you."

"You are no trouble, but as my guest, I do not wish to have you eat alone."

Akatsuki studied the meal, inhaling the scent. "This is... fresh bovine, is it not?"

"Yes. Do you not eat fresh meat?"

"Unlike you, I am not a warrior, so it is not often part of my regular diet but I do eat fresh meat at times," Akatsuki said, then wished she had not so quickly pointed out the differences between them with that statement. She had made that so very obvious last evening when she had foolishly attempted to flee. The last thing Sesshomaru likely needed was additional reminders. "Besides, I believe the added nutrients are what I require now if I am to have any chance of healing properly. I simply wanted to be certain of its nature."

"Its nature?"

"I was afraid it might be left over from Princess Edera."

"I would never give you meat, left over from that succuvex," Sesshomaru said brashly, truly offended. "If she had left anything, it would no longer be fresh, and I am certain has been devoured by Ah-Un days ago."

"Ah-Un..., oh your dragon," Akatsuki realized whom he was likely referring to, though she had not met him. "I apologize. I did not...," she paused, then redirected her thoughts completely. She could apologize to him all day, but it would change nothing. She knew this discomfort she was experiencing around him was because of her own doings. "And it would not be bovine," Hidenka Akatsuki said, with a slight arch of her brow.

"Not bovine? What do you mean?" Sesshomaru's brows flicked in puzzlement.

"Princess Edera was a succuvex, which made her dangerous to youkai," Akatsuki clarified, having no desire to have her head filled with thoughts of that youkai, but she was well aware she likely knew more about her than her lord did. "But she was also a kuishinbou ninjen."

"A what?" Sesshomaru's head snapped upward at the familiar sound of that term.

"A kuishinbou ninjen."

"Why would you say that?" he demanded, remembering where he believed he had heard that term before.

"I am sorry; it was not my intent to offend you," Akatsuki quickly stated.

"I am not offended," Sesshomaru said assuredly, but realizing she was extremely tentative in his presence now after the scene that occurred the previous time he was at her side. He wanted to do what he could to put her at ease. "I do not eat humans. I just want to know why you would say such a thing."

"No, I did not believe that you did... but it..." Akatsuki hesitated slightly, her gaze lowering as it focused intently on the table napkin on her lap as she gripped its edges. "It was just…, I am afraid... that was a... a rather derogatory term used by Suzaku clan members."

"A term used by the Suzaku clan?"

"Yes," she said clearly embarrassed. "Forgive me, but we call high-level youkai who continue old habits and refuse to acknowledge that the world is changing, a kuishinbou ninjen."

"But why would high level youkai continue to do such a thing?"

"Because despite the evolution of the world those youkai who should know better, have apparently developed a taste for humans, and insist upon consuming human flesh."

"Human flesh?"

"Yes, thousands of years ago, when the Suzaku clan was still warriors, like most youkai, I believe we also ate human flesh. But clearly that ceased long ago."

"And you believe Edera did this still?"

"I have thought a lot of Princess Edera's nature over the past weeks, and as I said, I do fully believe she was an ancient Suzaku clan member," Akatsuki's disposition changed to one of deep anger.

Sesshomaru was certain that simply thinking of that succuvex still angered her greatly. He wished there was something he could do to erase her troubling memories.

"I have no idea of her true age, but if she was as ancient as I truly believe she was, she likely developed that taste long ago."

"I have no need to further discuss Edera," Sesshomaru said, hoping that would at least redirect her thoughts. "But that term you used...

"Kuishinbou ninjen."

"Yes, is that a term primarily used by the Suzaku clan?"

"Well, I know not if it is used only by us, but I do know that it is," Akatsuki responded thoughtfully. "I believe it was started ages ago."

Your haha will turn you into a kuishin... (mumble mumble) if she has her way.

Did his chichi-ue truly say a kuishinbou ninjen? Why would he say such a thing? Did his haha-ue still...? No, he could not believe that she would. But she had assumed that he did.

So Sesshomaru; do you not actually hate humans?
Those two human children you have with you; do you intend to eat them?

Sesshomaru, you intend to pass through the meidou?

On top of that, to save a human.
You really have become soft.

At that time, he had been more focused upon the task of training his sword and he had not appreciated her calling him soft, but now...?

Had she assumed those things about him because of the conflict within herself to do just that? Or was it merely a cover to attempt to conceal her innate nature from him? But even so, had his chichi-ue picked that term up from the Suzaku clan? Had he, in fact, consulted a sorceress? A Suzaku life sorceress; if so, for what purpose? It had been his intent to question Akatsuki about that possibility once he had recovered the hanyou, but she had been damaged, and he had not; his life had been refocused. He had also considered her to be too young to have consorted with his chichi-ue when he lived, but clearly, if that was indeed a term used by the Suzaku clan, he could not dismiss the possibility of her having knowledge of whom he might contact regarding that.

"Sesshomaru," Akatsuki called out upon noting his displeased expression. "Are you disturbed about something?"

"No, it is just an issue I must resolve."

"Can I be of any assistance to you?" she asked, realizing that was where they had started, with her offering her assistance to him. But she cared not about risking additional potential youkai obligations; she knew she wanted nothing more than to erase his memories of her attempt to flee from his thoughts.

"For now, you must regain your strength and get well," he said. Noticing she had not touched the meat he had provided, he picked up one set of chops and selected a prime choice of meat and offered it to her. "To do that, first you must eat, and do not tell me you are not hungry."

Akatsuki stared wide-eyed at the youkai lord, was it truly his intent to feed her? She could not allow such a thing. "No, I am capable," she said reaching for the chop.

"You have refused to eat since you have been here," Sesshomaru said moving his hand out of her reach. "I must insist that I ensure you devour this." He knew not if he would ever be able to show her the love she said she required, but he was determined to show her that he indeed cared about her health, despite any hatred she may have previously sensed in his heart.

Despite her discomfort at being fed by him, Akatsuki resigned herself and parted her lips to await the fresh morsel.

Remembering something he had also intended to question her about, Sesshomaru decided to ask a question that had occurred to him when he had spoken to the hanyou. "Akatsuki when you share a connection, as you did with my brother, is it generally a two way connection? Would the person you are connected with also sense your heart?"

"If I do not direct it in that manner, I do not believe such a thing would happen unless I lost control of my abilities."

"You mean like you apparently did last week when you handmaidens were forced to enchant and shut down your sensors?"

"Well, I suppose, but I do not believe I have ever had such a thing as that occur before then. What I was thinking about is if I were so extremely heartbroken, I might well slip, but any connections are usually broken soon afterward, and there is not much occasion for such a thing to occur."

"But if you are heartbroken, such a thing could occur?"

"I would have to be extremely heartbroken to lose control in such a manner."

"I see."

"Why do you ask?"

"It is just something I wondered about," Sesshomaru said, realizing if that had indeed occurred it had likely taken place when Akatsuki had lost her younger sister. He had no idea of the true state of the hanyou at that time. He had been sealed and he had thought he was dead, but clearly, he was not. Perhaps it was then that he had picked up on Akatsuki's sadness. Having no desire to remind her of that incident, Sesshomaru decided to pursue it no further.

For the next four days Hidenka Akatsuki remained in bed, as per Sesshomaru's orders. While spending the evenings eating and talking, Sesshomaru made every effort to conceal his growing affection. But prevent it, he could not.

"The scar above your eye is healing well," he said, running his finger along the faint red line.

"You touch me freely. Are you no longer concerned that I might touch your soul?"

"If I were concerned, I would not have undressed you." In all honesty, he could not truly say he would object if she did; then perhaps she would sense in his soul those things he could not, or did not know how to put into words.

"But I was unconscious then," Akatsuki said remembering the first time he had undressed her and she had lost control of her ability. Would she ever be able to tell him that she had indeed connected to his soul then? Would she ever be able to tell him that because of the grave dislike she had sensed from him, that it was the primary reason she did not believe he could ever love her? Would she ever be able to tell him that despite the hatred she had sensed from him, she had also sensed his concern for her well-being, and because of that concern, he had endowed her with the ability to awaken. No, she could not. "I had no control of my power."

"I had no concerns then, or now," Sesshomaru said with a steady gaze. "Your arm?" he continued, taking her wrist in his hands, unwrapping the bindings, displaying how unconcerned he truly was. "Has the bone knit? It looks much improved," he said noticing only minor puffiness where the break had been. The wound at least was nearly completely healed.

"Yes, pretty much," Akatsuki extended her now un-bandaged arm and wiggled her fingers, displaying little discomfort. "This may not please you, but your nursing skills are excellent. The swelling is nearly gone as well. I thank you for your care."

"After your assistance, I could hardly allow you to go untreated."

Akatsuki lowered her eyelids to avoid his gaze. "Sesshomaru," she began slowly, gripping the bedding with her clawed fingers. "I apologize for worrying you so. What I did was disrespectful, especially after all you have done."

"That matters not, I am certain I left you no choice," he said, his heart heavy as he considered his own acts of impertinence. "It was not my intent to make you uncomfortable."

"I thank you for sparing my life. Now, I want to ... to attempt to explain myself."

"Akatsuki, there is nothing to explain."

"Sesshomaru, I want you to understand that despite what I said before, I am not a youkai like you. As you know, I am not a warrior. But you may not know that as a life sorceress, my heart is different from other youkai," she paused for a moment as she considered her words, then decided to rephrase. "Or at least different from how other youkai present their hearts to be. In fact the hearts of all Suzaku clan members are different or at least more caring now that we can no longer transform."

"You have told me that."

"Yes, but I did not tell you that there are many things about me that you do not know."

"Many things I do not know?"

"Youkai rules of obligation. Suzaku sorceresses do not generally follow them. To avoid being placed in such a position, usually, I do not assist youkai outside my clan members because they understand. But because I had never broken my connection with you brother, it was I who placed you in an impossible position and for that, I am truly sorry," she said, lowering her gaze. She wanted nothing more than for him to truly forgive her for that act of blatant disrespect that she had committed against him. "Despite knowing the youkai rules of obligations, initially, I did not believe you would wish to be the protector of a non-warrior, but I did not realize that your honor above all else would leave you with no other recourse. I would never have..."

"I am certain you did only what you felt was necessary."

"Nothing you did could have possibly justified such actions by me."

"Akatsuki, do not fault yourself. As I said, I believe I left you with no other choice."

"You are too forgiving. I do not truly deserve it."

"Forgiving?" he uttered a soft chuckle, hardly believing his ears. "That is not something I have ever been accused of."

"No, I imagine not," Akatsuki said thoughtfully, again turning her gaze down toward the bedding. After a few minutes, she raised her eyelids to study him before continuing, "May I ask you something?"

"Whatever you desire," he responded freely.

"Your name; it means killing perfection and destroyer of life, but..." she paused again, momentarily, her thoughts appeared to drift to somewhere distant. "But I did not truly sense that when you came to me and then..., you spared my life."

Sesshomaru smiled slightly with a discreet show of fangs. "That is my actual nature," he said frankly. "I am a warrior, but I went to you for my brother's sake," he said reflecting on his recent changes of heart. "My concern for his well-being has changed over time," he said reflecting on just how much his viewpoint had changed recently. "And I did not believe you deserved to die for standing up for yourself," the youkai lord truly wanted to add that he cared too much about her to ever wish to injure her, but he did not. "But what is it that you did sense?"

Akatsuki looked away thoughtfully, brushing her fingers through her hair, pulling it back, away from her face, exposing the now faint scar above her eye. "In truth, in addition to you awesome power, I sensed many things that troubled your heart. But I also sensed that you have a very responsible and stable nature. That your calmness of mind enables you to analyze objectively, and to make decisions quickly," she paused slightly, considering her words before she spoke. After her despicable actions, she needed to at least tell him some of what she had initially sensed in him, perhaps then he would better understand his brother's concerns.

She added, "I did sense, however, and I hope it does not offend you, but I sensed that you have a serious, self-possessed nature that can appear domineering and forceful to others. I sensed you have a determination for success in anything you set your mind to, failure is absolutely not an option and you are relentless in your desire to achieve your goals," she studied him intently before adding; "and thus you have little tolerance for weakness. I think that is why your brother feared you so. He believes you do not care what he thinks or what he has done," she lowered her eyelids again in reflective thought.

"He longs for your respect," she said looking up at him, her eyes clear, beautiful, sparkling, and it touched his heart. "I say this because I sensed such diverging differences in what each of you perceive as fact. But I also felt your desire to help is not always appreciated, because your powerful nature leads others to believe you are interfering."

Sesshomaru studied her face, his own face serious and withdrawn. Her eyes reflected a deep seeded desire for his understanding - of her words only; he was certain. He looked down thoughtfully. She had said things to him no one else would ever dare, but surprisingly, he felt no animosity. He knew she had likely sensed more in his heart than she had revealed. His reluctance to utilize the assistance of a sorceress, as well as his hatred of sorceresses in general had consumed him at that time. He was certain the hatred he had held toward her and her clan was likely why she had attempted to flee. Now, he wanted only to know how she regarded him after her revelation, after spending time with him; after the changes he'd undergone these past few weeks. Like when she came to him, she still displayed clear concern about his relationship with his brother, he though, was more concerned about his lack of a relationship with her; then finally, he spoke. "My flaws have never been expressed so succinctly."

"They are not flaws, Sesshomaru. They are who you are, and I know you know that," she said, adamant in her refusal to acknowledge any flaws in him; at least in this regard. "It is never my objective to see anyone's character as flawed. Our nature is never flawed, it is what we do with it that may deem it to be so," she said inflexibly. "I mention these things only because you came to me with an open heart for your brother's sake, and my goal; no, my responsibility as a life sorceress is to explain what I have sensed. I have found that many view life from one perspective, but it can often be helpful if they are made aware of another."

"Does it frighten you? Do I?" the youkai lord asked a few moments later, quiet and serious. Did she run from him because he frightened her? Or was there more to it? He could not help but wish that she could now sense that his heart had changed in so many ways.

Embarrassed, Akatsuki turned her head to study him in a kind of surprise. He sounded so... passionate. She noticed Sesshomaru had a strange expression on his face, his intense golden gaze was unconsciously traversing her frame. Despite the fact that she was predominantly covered by bedding, the manner in which he did it, almost verged on the impolite, but she told herself she did not truly mind. She was determined not to overreact again.

As Akatsuki studied the youkai lord sitting beside her, for the first time, she realized that he was not the powerfully abusive and heartless youkai she had feared so much and had attempted to flee. At least, he had not been to her, and now, he was even attempting to ensure she received sufficient nourishment. "You have already been gracious enough to spare my life," she began. "And since you have taken such good care of me, I must confess - no."

She said it with such defiant strength, it pleased him.

"Any fear I may have displayed before was no more than simple foolishness, and I regret it sincerely. After having been cared for by you after the departure of my handmaidens, I should have known there was no need for fear. Anyone who knew you and was under your protection could not help but be assured of their safety," Akatsuki continued, hoping to ease the pain she believed she had previously seen in his eyes. She could not help but wonder if that pain was because she had attempted to flee from him, when all he had done was nurse her. She did not want him to think she did not respect him, even though her act surely conveyed the opposite. "But since I am not a threat to you, I hope you no longer have any reason to take my life. As I said you have a calmness of mind. As a life sorceress, I felt obligated to tell you what I had sensed. It varied so greatly, from what I had heard, or even saw when your brother's soul cried out to me."

Sesshomaru would not have tolerated such comments from another youkai, but her voice was so soft and kind, and to him, so very alluring. He even loved to hear her call his name. She had a habit of rolling the 'r' ever so slightly which he knew was incorrect, but he would never tell her that. From her, it sounded so right, like it was her own personal way of pronouncing it and his name sounded soft on his ear, just like her voice. He could listen to her talk forever.

Though she had explained his brother's concerns, and he would try to find some way to address them, it was not his brother who was foremost in his thoughts at this moment. "But you are not simply a life sorceress. I saw what you did through your barrier."

"No, I am not. I also have the ability to both defend and attack, inherited from my mother and my father" Akatsuki said in an almost forlorn tone.

Sesshomaru could not help but wonder what troubled her. He did not wish to ask, for fear of causing her to shed more tears, he would be unable to bear it.

"I will do either depending on what is required."

"So you have a warrior's forcefulness in you as well," the corners of his mouth curved slightly. He would not consider it objectionable to have her fighting by his side. "I scented the fire power in your blood, but I had not expected it could be released with such ferocity."

"As you know, we are not a warrior clan, but I suppose that is true," Akatsuki responded quietly. "But we all must fight against injustices."

"So you had no qualms about unleashing your fire power. I did not expect it."

"My appearance may be deceiving to some, but I can handle my own," she lowered her eyes in reflection. "I am a Suzaku hidenka, which means I am endowed with great power. We are taught from a young age that it is important to… care, we are taught that a strong youkai protects themselves, but the strongest youkai stands up and protects others. As far as releasing my fire power, for Princess Edera to have unleashed her errtu upon your innocent charges, that was unforgivable, so I have no sorrow for her demise. Although I am certain her attack was probably primarily directed toward me. For that, I ask your forgiveness, I had not intended to endanger your friends."

"You endangered no one. Your barrier and your fire power were more than sufficient enough to protect them. I am pleased that you stayed," Sesshomaru's eyes sparkled with admiration. "I know not what would have happened had you departed."

"I am grateful to have been of assistance. Although I must admit I have not your power or skill," she smiled, though still a little uncomfortably.

"So what do you sense in me now?" Sesshomaru asked, feeling her need to change the subject, he too, had no desire to think about Edera.

"Despite what I said earlier about you touching me, my powers have restrictions. I cannot sense anything in you now. The primary reason is because after the time we've been together, we are now on a level of familiarity that precludes that," she said turning her face away from him.

Sesshomaru wondered what she was thinking, and then asked himself why it mattered. Soon she would be gone and he would probably never see her again, so he needed to stop thinking these things about her! But unfortunately, he found that impossible.

"I am capable of sensing only the hearts of those who are unfamiliar to me, a protection mechanism, I suppose." Her voice took on a tortured note, and it pierced through him like a dagger. "It is useful for helping higher level youkai find their path, much like when you came to me. But the path I sense is not always what they seek."

"In what way?"

Her features saddened, her thoughts clearly focused on an unpleasant memory. Sesshomaru almost wished he had not asked. "A few years ago, I met a youkai, whose intent was to wage battle against another. He wanted to know if he would be successful in the battle," she issued a soft distressed breath. "Unfortunately, I was unable to even sense his life force beyond the week, but I could not tell him that. So I guess you could say I distorted the truth."

"Distorted the truth?"

"Yes, I guess I truly should say I lied without admitting that I lied. I had no desire to do such a thing, but he was a warrior like you," she paused, noting the puzzlement in his eyes. "On rare occasions I have assisted others outside my clan. At any rate, since there was nothing I could do that would not throw things out of balance, and I knew he would never run whatever I said, I told him he would not lose that battle," she stopped momentarily and took a deep breath, as if pained by her memory. "As it turned out he died two days later, killed by a sneak attack initiated by the youkai he intended to wage battle against."

"And you knew that would happen."

"Thankfully, nature is not that cruel to me," she said as she looked at him with those beautiful crystal blue eyes that seemed to reach deep into his heart with such warmth. "I did not sense how he would die; I simply sensed his life force would not exist long enough to wage the battle."

"And sensing these things happens whenever you touch a youkai?"

"No, only when I choose to look; or to a lesser degree when a youkai comes to me with an open heart, much as you did."

"How often do you choose to look?"

"Not very often. Even though I am a life sorceress and that is my responsibility, that aspect is not a very endearing part of my existence, too much can be revealed, filled with so much anger or pain, but thankfully I cannot do it for anyone with whom I am familiar."

His heart cooled with those words. He now knew she would never be able to sense that his heart was in utter turmoil because of her. He wondered whether it would matter anyway; she had made it clear that she did not wish to be with him, but he had still hoped.

"It is not easy hearing the souls of others cry out for assistance," Akatsuki continued in her tortured tone. "Because I cannot always help them," she looked away, shaking her head sadly, then turned back to face him.

Even with the displeased look that saturated her features, Sesshomaru had to admit that his brother was right with his freely given observation; she was beautiful; very much so - he had never envied anyone anything, but he did wish he possessed the hanyou's ability to express his affections so freely. If he could do the same, perhaps Akatsuki would never have attempted to leave.

Akatsuki continued, "I actually prefer the other capabilities I possess. Protecting others with my barrier; or even protecting those I care for by waging an attack if necessary. But even such abilities are not without its limitations; as is obvious in my failings to protect my sister."

Sesshomaru's heart tightened when she mentioned that. "I am sorry you suffered because of that."

Sesshomaru wished he could have told her that if she had came to him, he would have done whatever he could to help her 25 years ago, but he knew that would have been untrue. But the confusing thing was that he truly wished she had; and he hoped that his heart would have allowed him to do anything in his power to help her, because there was no greater agony that he wished to erase, than the one he saw in her eyes.

They talked for a while more, until Sesshomaru told her she should probably get some rest. He told her he would stay until she went to sleep. He wanted to ensure she slept peacefully. Akatsuki thanked him and agreed as she curled to her side.

Sesshomaru watched as she closed her eyes. Finally, he rose and strolled slowly about the room, blowing out the oil based lamps, save two in the corners. Due to the trauma Akatsuki had recently endured, she was quickly asleep, and he continued to remain by her side. As he watched her, the thoughts that swam through his head were in as much conflict as the emotions that surged through his body. He was unsure how, but he knew he would have to end them. He was the lord of the western and now southern lands and this confusion was unsuitable for someone of his rank. He would not allow himself to experience such disorder over a single youkai female. But in his heart, he knew that ending his internal agony would not be quite as simple as the youkai lord hoped it would be.

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A/N: The poor hidenka is feeling a lot of discomfort and embarrassment around Sessy, though; but I guess I should expect nothing less after what happened; she is a life sorceress who seems to be driven by her thoughts and emotions and I think that's hard for her to get past.

Ohh, Sesshomaru is so kind and thoughtful. Despite having the right to take the hidenka's life, he did not. And now they seem to be making a new start. They're talking, finally. Although they're still not telling each other what they feel. For shame, for shame! But maybe they will soon, maybe things will work out better this time, maybe she'll see that Sessy is really trying, or maybe it just can't happen?

For now, I'm just glad to know that Sesshomaru didn't leave her to fend for herself. But then, that might not have been honorable itself, and we all know Lord Sesshomaru lives by his honor

I hope you guys will bear with me though, and are not saying, why doesn't she just get this over with all ready? This is taking a while because I feel these two individuals have lived almost a combined 1000 years of life (500 for Sessh + 350 for Akatsuki) and neither of them have truly found anyone they loved, so I strongly believe if anything does happen, it will be a slow and intense progression filled with conflict. Besides, I enjoy the chase. But fear not, this sequence of events will conclude, one way or the other, in the next few chapters.

The thoughts Sessy has from his haha-ue were from Inuyasha manga chapter 467 and from the Final Act episode 10 when Sessy goes to train the Tenseiga to open a larger meidou zangetshuha opening. By the way, does this mean Sesshomaru is getting closer to confronting his mother about his suspicions, or will something else cause a delay?

Akatsuki - (Aurora/Dawn)
chichi-ue - (father)
haha-ue - (mother)
hidenka - (princess)
kuishinbou ninjen - (gluttonous human eater)
youki - (demon power)