Chapter 37: Training

October 2053: Solace

Autumn came early to La Push, the trees all prematurely bare. The morning of Maddox's wedding was so cold that the fallen leaves shone with sparkling frost and crinkled loudly as I made my way up the Ateara driveway. There were dozens of people but no one seemed to notice me, everyone running back and forth with a mission.

I had not been invited but the sadist in me was determined to come anyway. I had planned to blend into the large group of Quileute men mid-ceremony so that I could catch a glimpse of my Maddox as a bride l, even if I wasn't her groom. Feeling her nearby made my whole body hum though and I couldn't stop myself from closer.

Weeks back when I was clearing out years of clutter in my house, contemplating my future I found a box of my mother's belongings and inside a bag of delicate keepsakes from my grandmother, including a garter belt from a long gone era. I knew Maddox wouldn't want it but I kept it on my kitchen counter debating different ways I could get it to her, sending her down the aisle with a piece of me on her body. The morning of the wedding I folded it and ran to her.

I could see people arranged chairs in short rows in the backyard but Eli who stood by the front door, taller and broader than I expected him to grow, was the only person who recognized me. He greeted me nervously before running inside, probably warning the flock of my arrival, but I didn't back down. I stood silently at the doorway, willing her to come to me.

"What are you doing here?" Maddox spat as soon as she saw me. I hadn't actually seen her in over a year and it took me a few seconds to find my breath. She was, as she had always been, more beautiful than words could express.

"I wanted to give you something, maybe you have one… but I thought—"

"A garter belt?" She asked grabbing the small piece of white lacy, elastic from my hand and brushing my finger in the process, my heart sped shamefully.

She shivered, and I realized for the first time that she was wearing only a nude colored slip that hugged her body in the most appetizing way. Before I could stop myself, I stepped forward and placed my hands on the soft skin of her bare arms, rubbing them slowly from her fingertips up to her shoulder blades. It was the single most sexual or sensual feeling I'd had felt since our last kiss in L.A.

"Yeah, could be your something old," I said with a plastered smile.

"Was it Amber's?" She asked coldly. Everything about her was cold now. In the year since our last run-in in Los Angeles her passion for me had morphed into disdain, I didn't know how to react.

"So was my invitation lost in the mail?"

"I didn't send one, I didn't think you'd want to be here," she sighed, leaning into me almost imperceptibly.

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I'd like to witness that," I whispered, searching her eyes for any molecule of remaining love. I found only pain.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be a lot of things," she murmured heading back inside the house and returning with a black and white invitation before slamming the door in my face.

Since I was avoiding Hope, the only place I had left to sulk was the Camerons. Kim answered the back door as if she knew I would be on my way and dressed in a fluffy robe she passed me a cup of coffee.

"I'm happy you came, Kai's still sleeping," she said patting my back and taking a seat at the kitchen table. I knew Amber was staying here before Kim mentioned Kai, her overwhelming vampire scent punched me in the face as soon as I stepped foot on the driveway but I still had a hard time understanding it.

Amber had made the change after the birth of her second child, Juliana with her husband Will. I didn't expect them to come, it made everything with Maddox that much worse because she had forgiven Amber enough to invite her to but she still found fault in me, as if losing her had not been punishment enough.

I had hoped but didn't truly expect Maddox to take me back, so when it was apparent she was choosing Javier I thought she would at least reach out. I didn't want an apology or even an explanation but closure would have been nice, and also some sort of sign that she was happy. I didn't expect to be faced with anger.

"I can go if you think that will be better," I whispered taking a giant chug of the black coffee she had given me.

"Don't, you shouldn't be alone today," Amber said gliding into the room from the nearest stairway. She sparkled lightly in the sun filtering through the window and when my eyes connected with hers, I shivered. I had not seen her since her change and the shocking loss of her cinnamon brown eyes shook me to the core. The wolf in me blanched; my ex-wife, the woman who always seemed to have boundless love for me, was now cast in this cold, frigid statue of my natural enemy.

"You're really going to her wedding," I commented looking down at her lacey black cocktail dress.

"Yes, I was invited," she sounded as surprised as I felt. "Besides… Claire wanted me to try to talk to her."

"About what?" I asked before I could stop myself. It wasn't any of my business but I was desperate for any sort of insight into Maddox's life, especially her wedding which for me marked the end of any hope for us as a couple.

"You actually," Amber sighed.

"Don't. She… she's got a really good thing going for her and she made her choice."

"Solace, I know you're trying to be cool about this but it isn't just about you, you know? How about that poor guy? She may love him and they may have an okay life, but you can't tell me that she loves him even a fraction of how much she loved and could love you again. And what happens when she has a kid with him and realizes she fucked up? You know why she proposed to him, right?" Amber asked frozen solid in the doorway.

"No, but I expect it has something to do with them dating for years and being in love," I answered.

"She had a pregnancy scare, Solace. She freaked out and decided to marry him, that's desperation not love. That's not the pure kind of love you should have before you get married… believe me, I've made enough mistakes to be an expert at this kind of stuff."

"How's Will?" I asked conversationally, allowing the words 'pregnancy scare' to sink into my brain. I no longer dreamed of a family and white picket fence but the idea of Maddox impregnated by another man, no matter how nice and worthy he was, made my fists shake.

I could hear Kai stir and in my minds eye I pictured him in Taylor's old room. Embry had sent me pictures and blurbs about him for years, and when he felt generous Kai would call me himself but I was still far from close to my son. He'd phased a few months after his fifteenth birthday and I imagined him having grown so tall the end of his feet hung off the side of the bed.

"He's good, he's staying at the Cullen house with the rest of the envoy… your brother mentioned he would, um, come by and see you later," she said casually though I could tell she felt awkward calling Embry my brother.

"So who else made the journey?" I asked conversationally.

"Hmm Will, Lana and Giselle, Embry, Leticia, Randy and Soli, and their kids," she listed but I couldn't focus; Kai was coming. I listened to his light footsteps as they traveled from Taylor's old bedroom to the bathroom and finally down the hall to his sister, who I could hear laughing joyfully as they came down together.

"Morning, babies," Amber cooed when Kai entered the room with his sister attached at his hip. He smiled but dodged her kiss on the way to the table. Kai was a baby in the wolf world, he was still growing and yet he looked so uncannily like me.

"Hi," I waved lamely. He looked more like me now than he ever did as a child. His boyish face had defined and his body had been sculpted. He was only 15 and yet he was still about an inch taller than me. He was a few shades darker than myself but it was like looking in a mirror into the past, before any of my long list of lovers or subsequent heartbreaks and self loathing.

"Hey," he say between big bites of a danish.

"I'm so proud of Kai, he's been doing really well in school. He speak three languages fluently and he's a favorite of all his teachers, aren't you?" Amber said stiffly, trying to break the tension that grew in the room with our continued silence.

"I'm doing alright."

He was being modest, I could see by the small flare of red in the apple of his high cheekbones, but he was also proud. There was the simple joy in his eyes that resonated from his heart, like it would for most any child receiving praise from his mother.

"And he only missed a week of school after he phased, he's very even-tempered… gets that from Taylor and Ethan, I guess, because it certainly didn't come from us." With a peace making smile Amber stood, opening the door before Soli knocked.

"You ready for this craziness Amb?" Soli asked looking stern and business like.

"Yeah, lets go," Amber sighed, wrapping an arm around Soli's shoulders and leading the way out.

Kim took Juliana to get dressed as soon as she was done with breakfast leaving Kai and I to sit awkwardly across from each other.

"Heard you've been stunt driving now?" He said softly. I wondered if Embry had volunteered that information or if he had asked.

"Yeah, mostly car commercials and stuff, nothing too big," I said modestly.

Harley had helped me finally fulfill my childhood aspiration and it was better than I ever imagined. It was the only thing that kept my mind off of Maddox. I stayed in La Push, stubbornly dreaming that Maddox would show up on my doorstep again but I had been debating making the move down after the wedding.

"I'm—I'm going to run with the pack while I'm here… Jake thinks it'll be good for me to tap into the other guys' minds, maybe pick up some ancient secrets," Kai announced.

"It'll probably help," I breathed. I was afraid to speak any louder, frightened of cracking the fragile glass we were walking on.

"Do you still run with them?" He asked conversationally, though his eyes watched me with deeper interest.

"Naw, I retired from the pack. I run alone, the guys here have nothing left for me to teach them… and no one wants to share a mind with me anyways," I joked. He broke our eye contact, suddenly intrigued by the chipped skin around his nails.

"Uncle Jasper says…" he paused catching my eyes again. His were eerie, like looking into a picture of my own, before the surface of mine had frozen over. "He says you're the best at hand to hand combat… that you prefer to fight in your human form. You must be really brave."

"Naw, just really stupid. Your teeth are your most powerful weapon against them. I wouldn't recommend it if you could avoid it." His answering smile was reminiscent of Jared, of the days when I first joined the pack and he was so in love with Kim that he glided through life with a toothy grin.

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because I've always like been reckless and I guess it could come in handy if you're somewhere that you can't phase… like an airplane," I said with the most jovial smile I could muster.

"Then let's go," he said motioning for me to follow. I didn't ask questions just watched as he walked through the house, shoulders wide and self-assured.

I stood at the top of the stairs, overlooking the now barren lawn where Jared and his boys used to wrestle. I turned to speak, to tell him this fact but all the air was knocked out of me when Kau kicked me square in the chest. I fell down the stairs gracelessly and I immediately contracted my stomach muscles, rocking myself to get the full momentum needed to get up off the ground without using my arms.

"Jasper says I'll be better than you soon," Kai said coolly before he jumped off the banisher landing in the middle of the lawn. I crouched low to the ground watching as he shifted his weight preparing to attack. I kicked my good leg out, turning in a three hundred and sixty-degree circle and kicking the feet out from under him.

"You're not there yet." I stood above him looking down at my doppelganger with only slight shock. If I had been able to challenge my father at any point after I phased, I probably would have. He was more like me than I realized.

He rolled over, standing before I could throw him down again, "I've been training since you left."

"Waiting for your moment to take me down I'm sure, but you're not even close to ready yet," I taunted him. I had the advantage not only of my age and experience but also my temper which had long been under control, while his was still elevated from the first phase. He shook and to piss him off more I laughed, the most derisive laugh I could produce. I could have let him beat me, he had the right, but he would learn nothing in return. I never got to train him like I would have loved too. This was my only chance to teach him anything and I was going to take advantage of it.

He came at me with his right fist and I underestimated it, dodging to the left where he kicked me solidly in the ear, which rang painfully. My smile grew exponentially.

"Jasper's a good teacher."

He shrugged but I could see the same proud glint in his eyes he had when his mother talked about his academic achievements. I threw myself to the grass as he dove at me, using his speed to throw him back and over me, he fell in a defensive stance waiting for me to attack. If I wanted I could have taken him down with two simple hits but this was a lesson in defensive techniques, Jasper and hatred for me had already readied him for the offensive.

"Come on," he barked and I faked a lurch forward only to fall back as he came to counter. I grabbed his shoulder as he lunged, pushing him face first in the grass.

"You're better than Jasper," he marvelled. Spitting and making a circle around me before he crouched to attack.

"What the hell, Solace!' Kim screamed from the porch. "He's a teenager, are you crazy?"

"We were just training Gram. Thank you Solace, for the lesson," Kai said smoothly, passing Kim to re-enter the house.

"You're welcome, we'll have to have a rematch before you leave," I called after him but Kim gave me a look that stopped me from following.

"You've got a call," she said passing me an old off-white cordless, looking at me wearily.

"Hello?" I answered confused, it was Hope.

"Solace?" She cried, she was sniffing so much it sounded like static.

"Hope, are you okay? Do you need something?" I asked.

"I need to see you, Solace, please," she begged.

"Where are you?" I could hear wind and cars passing in the background.

"I'm on my ways to Kim's from home," she announced firmly and hung up.

"What's that about?" Kim asked worriedly.

I sighed and passed her the cordless before I limped down the road. I didn't want Kai or any of them to hear this. I didn't want to face Hope at all but I had been avoiding her for over a month and was prepared for a full out teenage girl explosion. I walked down the path to Phil's place and met her halfway.

"Solace," Hope cried as soon as I was in her line of sight. She ran at full speed and launched herself into my arms, I caught her on instinct.

"Hope, let's take a walk, okay?" I extracted myself from her arms putting distance between us.

"No, wait," she shouted, pulling me to a halt a few houses down. "I know what you're going to do and I want to say this first." She fished out a piece of paper from her back pocket, it looked as if it had been folded and unfolded a million times.

"Hope, I can't do this," I breathed but she ignored me.

"Solace, I know you think I'm being a silly little girl and I don't understand this situation or you, but I do." She started reading the paper word for word without looking up at me or even taking a breath. "Other people may know about the old you, but no one seems to knows the new you like I do. You can try to brush off our connection but deep down you know that there is something between us and its real," she paused taking a moment to lock her piercing green eyes with mine. "I can wait, I'm young, you might not feel it as strongly yet but— Solace… can you just say something already," she sighed bunching the paper into a ball in her little hand.

"Hope, if I had—" I was going to say if I had met you 35 years ago I would have been the luckiest guy in the world, but she stopped me by crashing her lips against mine.

She nibbled lightly on my bottom lip pulling my mouth open so that she could sneak her tongue inside. I pushed her back and took two large steps to part us, then when I saw the smoldering want in her eyes I took another for good measure.

A flash of our future together appeared in the far corners of my brain but that desperate part of me no longer dictated my actions. My life wasn't perfect, no man's really is, but I learned how to be content with what I had and how to live alone with the mistakes I have made.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling at her hair nervously. I pulled her down the path further, not trusting my voice until we reached her doorstep.

"Hope, I'm sorry but we can never happen. I can't and won't ever love you in the way you want," I said clearly, and she tried to argue it but I brushed her off.

Her sobs reverberated and soaked through my skin, but I didn't turn back. I planned to go back to my house and get dressed for the big day but as I passed Kim's place again Amber stopped me.

"Maddox is hurting!" Amber must have known it was the only thing that would make me stop. "She's miserable and confused."

"Because you went and—and meddled, Amber. She can't truly forgive me, this thing with us will always be there, so poking and prodding her isn't going to help," I screamed.

"There is no thing with us, Solace we all know that, she's just being stubborn. You're letting that girl make a mistake I wish someone would have stopped me from doing!" She howled.

"Mom, just let it go, please," Kai screamed coming out the front door and lovingly pulling her back in the house. He turned back to me, appraised me thoughtfully and then motioned for me to follow them to the living room.

"Are you hungry?" Kim asked pulling herself off of the couch. Her long salt and peppered hair, now mostly salt, swung behind her back as she she turned back to me, she smiled and the deep smile lines around her eye crinkled like a discarded brown paper bag.

"Yeah, sure." I busied myself with her in the kitchen, making an assembly line of sandwiches. Kai sat to his Gran's right, eating extra slices of ham and salami whenever she turned away.

"So what happened?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. Soledad who sat near the window rolled her eyes in my general direction and when I cocked my eyebrow at her, she smiled in response. It was the kind of glowing white smile that brightened her whole face mischievously.

"We went to talk, just talk but there was a cat fight. Me and Amber against Maddie, Lee and Chloe." That was probably one of the last things I'd expect two mothers to do but then it was Soli so I didn't question it.

"Is Maddox okay?" I asked Amber who was leaning against the back door.

"We're okay, thanks for asking," Soli shot back. She reached for Kai who sat next to her and ruffled his hair playfully; he blushed crimson.

"Sorry, I didn't worry about a full blooded vampire and a well trained half-breed facing a trio of twenty-something humans," I said dryly, Kai chuckled and shifted in his seat putting distance between himself and Soli, who made his heart race.

"Yeah, yeah! Can I say something honestly, I know she's pissed but your imprint's being a bitch," Soli said as if she were discussing the stock market. I growled at her.

"What's the crisis?" Jared asked coming in as Soli and I stared at each other with stiffly, everyone laughed. She was really getting married. I had tried not to think about it, I kept myself in denial even after I seen her made up and almost ready to walk down the aisle. I laughed harder and then the reality of it turned my chuckle into a sob. I didn't move to hide it, I sobbed into my hands, tears filling my cupped palms quickly.

"You've got to stop it, Dad." Everyone in the room turned to Kai, but I couldn't bear to see the face of my son disappointed in me.

"I can't."

"Why?" Jared and Kai asked in unison but before I could answer the doorbell rang. Harley and Chloe came in without knocking and Chloe's eyes flashed when they fell on Soli.

Soli stood, her arms crossed, "What do you two want?" She spat and without a word they turned to leave again.

"Shut up Soli! Are you guys okay?" Kim asked as they retreated back down the hall.

"Yeah, we're fine but this was a mistake," Harley said with a stiff smile.

"Look, I'm sorry," Soli called after her.

"Yeah me too," Harley responded halting on her progress toward the door.

"I'm not sorry, I have to have my friend's back," Chloe breathed before she turned on me. "And Hope called me, she's hysterical. Solace, I love you, I want everything to work out for you, but you need to stay the fuck away from my baby sister. Got it?"

"Oh, Solace, please tell me you ain't boning Phil's teenager daughter," Jared begged.

"No, no, no! I'm not boning anyone… I haven't boned since October 2051," I laughed painfully.

"That's gotta be some kind of record for you," Kim said with her hand rested high on her hip.

Chloe didn't find that funny. She gave me one last very serious look and walked out but Harley didn't budge, she stood on dangerously high heels watching me nervously.

"Sit, eat," Kim instructed and everyone followed her ordered, including Harley who hopped onto the counter like she did as a child.

Kim passed her a sandwich and she took it gratefully, still not taking her eyes off of me. I saw them water as she took her first bite but she didn't speak until she was half done.

"I'm sorry Solace… I know I promised to support her choice but I can't. I don't know if I can stand by and watch this," Harley sniffled. I crossed the room in three big strides lifting tiny Harley off the counter and hugging her with everything I had. She had been a good friend for me for the last few years and she rare tears were touching.

"Thanks for caring, Lee," I whispered.

"I really wanted you to be my brother-in-law," she said ruefully, punching my arm.

Three firm knocks rung out from the living room and before I could react Kai was swinging the door open.