CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

KYUHYUN

Zhou Mi no longer wanted anything to do with Kyuhyun. Their 'relationship' was over and Kyuhyun didn't know what to do. It felt like everything he had was lost and he felt…

He sulked to put it simply. The late nights with the guy he loved was gone and the happiness he felt. Even if Zhou Mi said it wasn't real and that they were just sex buddies at the time. He didn't understand how real Kyuhyun wanted and thought it was. How every time Zhou Mi touched him, he wanted more of it. Just hearing that voice made him tingle.

But what Zhou Mi had said before he left, left him in a mess of confusion.

"I'm Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun. I'm no one else. You need to realize that."

What did he mean? Kyuhyun needed to realize what?

He sat on the couch staring at the bag of gifts he had bought for Zhou Mi. The bag of gifts that he had been staring at for the last two hours wondering what to do with it. Zhou Mi had returned every bit of it to Kyuhyun. And he didn't know what to think. Kyuhyun asked Zhou Mi what he meant but he just replied with "Just, look through the stuff yourself. Maybe then you'll understand why I'm returning these gifts to you. Maybe then you could find yourself Kyuhyun…because your lost. I'm lost and neither of us love each other."

He twirled the card in his hand that Zhou Mi had placed on top of the bag and took a sip from the cold glass he held in his hand. The condensation dripping onto his own hand. He held it long enough that his hand was numb. He couldn't feel anything in his fingers and it was becoming hard to breathe.

Not sure if he wanted to read it. Reading the contents that might make him feel worse than he already did. Besides, who would be happy when the person you loved kept saying 'Were just sex buddies. That's it.'? That your relationship was a complete hoax. So he decided to look through the bag of items before he decided to read it.

Placing the glass down onto the table next to the bag, he pulled it down to his feet. Scoffing at the fact that Zhou Mi put wrapping paper on the top. Taking each piece out one by one and throwing it half-heartedly onto the coffee table.

He finally reached the bag of items he had bought for the man.

Carefully he pulled out the cute stuff animal he had given him. How it held a heart that said 'I love you'. He tossed that to the side and pulled out the next item. The glass rose that he also gave him still in it's case. Untouched and in pristine condition. He placed that on the table. He pulled out other items that were of no importance. Until he reached the bottom of the bag. His eyes grew wide as he pulled out the box of guitar picks. Kyuhyun bought them for Zhou Mi so he could play the guitar for him, yet he never did. Zhou Mi would just brush it to the side and say he wanted to do something else. It was like he didn't know how to play the guitar.

Zhou Mi played the guitar, didn't he?

The next item was a set of pink gloves and a pink scarf. A set.

Zhou Mi loved the color pink, didn't he?

Kyuhyun looked inside the bag to find nothing else as he surrounded with gifts.

It was time for the card. Pushing everything off his lap without care, he reached for the letter and tore the edge off. Slipping the frail paper into his hands. It smelled like Zhou Mi.

Dear Kyuhyun,

I hope you can now understand why I had left. Not only because of that but because I love Henry. I will always love him and you should know that. That loving someone for such a long time…it's not that hard to let go. No matter how hard I had tried to forget, he still lingers in me.

Still lingers in my blood, on my skin, his smell in my nose and the feel of his lips on mine. No matter how hard I wanted to forget the fact that I lost him. I love him so much, Kyuhyun. It still pains me to this day and as I write this letter for you.

I might of loved you. I don't know. I wish I could tell you but I don't understand why I did it myself. You seemed like the best option.

These gifts you bought for me. I thank you but sadly, they resemble nothing of me. I enjoyed them but still, they weren't me. I don't like the color pink Kyuhyun. I never did and I highly doubt I ever will. I also don't know how to play the guitar.

I only know how to play the piano and that's it.

And when I did sing for you; you wanted me to sing cute songs and tell me to do this and do that.

I'm not much for cuteness. I'm one for elegance.

And I know I shouldn't tell you this but I feel like maybe it would help you understand. Make you realize who you really loved.

Whenever we made love Kyuhyun, you never looked into my eyes. You never held my hand and said my name. And when you did, you always ended Mi with a 'Min'. I think you know what goes on from there. You told me you loved me every time after but you never said it to my face and never said it with true emotion. Not like you did that day on the rooftop.

Of course we had our laughs and moments but you never wanted me to leave. Even after I told you I wanted us to be just 'Sex Buddies'.

The only reason I told you that was because I wanted to drift myself farther away from you. But you clung to me like you never wanted me to leave your side. Never wanted to be alone.

The kind of person you need is someone that could do those things. Play guitar, like the color pink and end with a 'Min'. Someone that could never leave your side because they would love you more than I could love you.

Kyuhyun, I hope you're not angry.

I know that Henry will never come back. But I won't come back. We will never be together ever again.

You're a good person Kyuhyun and anyone could love you. But only if you let them in and make it their home. I know there is someone out there for you and you know it too.

I hope you understand.

Sincerely,

Zhou Mi.

Kyuhyun was on the brink of tears. He wanted to rip the letter apart and destroy everything. He wanted to rewind time and never read the letter.

He wished he would of never met Zhou Mi because the pain was just to hard to bear.

He felt alone.

So he might of re-read the letter a couple more times. Each word still stabbing him in the chest deeply. But then realized something. Realized what Zhou Mi wanted him to remember.

Right after he took a shower and his hair still dripped with warm water and before he went to bed, he pulled out the dark blue box that was hidden deep under his bed. The box he never planned on ever seeing again.

What the box contained were memories. Memories that he wanted to forget but like Zhou Mi said about Henry, it was hard to forget. Hard to forget the time you broke someone's heart. Broke it into so many pieces that you wondered if that person could love or trust anyone ever again. Because once someone falls in love and is torn to pieces after, you're going to have to have all the luck in the world to try to win that person over. Once things have ended, they have ended. Kyuhyun had thought about Sungmin countless times but he just did not know what was going through his head during that time. Why he chose Zhou Mi out of all people to fall in love with.

Kyuhyun opened the box and placed in on his bed, sitting Indian style in front of everything. Just by looking inside he was already having flashbacks of everything they did together.

The photographs and the cards. The mini stuff animals and the old candies. The dead roses that Kyuhyun kept and laced them all together in a bouquet of love. The photographs containing all their moments together and the day of their first date. The pictures of him Kissing Sungmin and the blush on his cheeks. The cute moments and the ones Kyuhyun was starting to miss the most.

Kyuhyun didn't know it but he was crying. Crying so hard that the tears started to form their own puddle between his legs. He cried out but was too distracted by the sudden pain in his heart. Wondering why it hurt to remember all the good times he spent with Sungmin.

It was like, he wanted to take it all back. Take away the pain Sungmin was in and the harsh things he had done to him. Take away his selfishness.

Why was it he never noticed this before? Was it only because he was afraid of being with someone that would love him more? Was he afraid that if he stayed with that person forever that if they left, he would never be able to put himself back together? Why had he ignored the feelings he had for the one person that had taken his heart first and without trying either? Why did Kyuhyun ignore his feelings and ruin what he had? Why did he become so blind and shut off everyone around him? Kyuhyun just wanted things to go back to normal. He felt cold, not because Zhou Mi left him but because of what he had done. They both had done something terrible, but why was it that now after Kyuhyun has lost everything does he see it?

Kyuhyun still loved Sungmin, but would Sungmin ever find the will to forgive him?