Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect
A/N – What a week! Thanks to everyone for the support and kind comments you gave me. I'm feeling much happier and writing was a nice way to relax. I enjoyed working on this chapter, it kind of brings a little bit of closure to a few things. I had fun with it, I hope you all enjoy reading it.
A big thank you to TLCinbflo who gave me some feedback when I got stuck and second guessed myself! You're awesome!
Kaidan leaned against the railing of the geth dreadnaught as he loaded another round of thermal clips into his assault rifle. From the corner of his eye he could see James and Shepard standing together and although he tried not to watch them, it was impossible for him to look away. He saw James pass her some extra thermal clips, and Kaidan felt a pang of sadness as Shepard took them with that smile.
He swallowed hard and forced himself to look away, his eyes sweeping the area for geth hunters or useful tech to scan. The area was clear though, and despite how much it hurt, his thoughts and his eyes wandered back to Shepard. He wanted to be a good friend and to be happy that she'd found a little bit of joy in what was a very dark time, but it was hard.
For the first time in years, Kaidan let himself think about their relationship on the SR-1. He'd fallen in love with Rennah the instant he'd laid eyes on her, and he was pretty sure that everyone, including her, had known. They'd shaken hands and a literal spark had jumped between them; a warm flare of biotics that sent shivers down Kaidan's spine. He'd looked into her eyes, a gorgeous rich amethyst which flecks of biotic blue, and he'd been lost.
The energy between them was exciting, exhilarating and beautiful, and he'd wanted her in a way that he hadn't wanted anyone since Rahna. They'd discovered that they had a lot in common beyond biotics, and they'd grown close in a very short space of time. She'd been so passionate and loving, and so fiery and tempestuous, that he'd been happy to follow her lead, supporting her through all the tough times.
He'd loved her more than he had ever thought he would love another person, and when she died over Alchera his world fell apart. He'd grieved for months, clinging to his memories and refusing to move on with his life. It was Anderson who had finally got through to him, Anderson who was grieving for Shepard just as keenly as he was. He'd pulled him out of his pit of despair, dusted him off and forced him to re-join the world.
Kaidan had mourned Shepard for two years, and when the grief had finally dulled to a bearable dull ache, she'd appeared on Horizon like a ghost. He'd hated her for that; hated her for hurting him, hated her for leaving him and hated her for coming back when he'd just pulled himself together. He'd lashed out blindly, wanting to hurt her as badly as she had hurt him. He hadn't listened when she told him that she'd been dead for two years and had only just woken from her coma; he'd only seen her wearing Cerberus colours and assumed the worst.
It was later, when his adrenaline had faded and reality had come crashing back, that he'd realised what he'd done. He'd gripped tightly to the idea of Rennah being a Cerberus traitor to justify what he'd said, but he'd known deep down that she was telling the truth. Now, months later, it was clear that the damage he'd done was too deep to be repaired. Shepard was harder, colder and darker than the woman he remembered, and some of that was his fault.
She didn't love him anymore, that was clear now, and she would probably never love him as she once had. He'd wounded her to her very core, and that kind of heartache didn't heal easily. The woman that had once laughed with him, made love to him and planned a life with him was gone. She was willing to have him on the ship and even to be his friend, but she wasn't going to trust him with her heart again.
James Vega had that pleasure.
God, how he wanted to hate that man. He disliked him, he'd even thought he hated him for a while, but the truth was that James was a decent guy. He was funny, charismatic, and everyone else on the Normandy seemed to genuinely like him. Even Liara, who Kaidan knew was half in love with Shepard herself, seemed to like the guy and championed him being with her. To make things worse, Kaidan knew that if the situation was different, he and Vega would have been friends.
He disliked him out of jealousy, not out of hate.
Seeing them together had been like taking a knife to the stomach. Kaidan knew he'd been an idiot to get his hopes up after Leviathan, but he hadn't imagined the spark between them in the shuttle. His dreams of Shepard learning to trust and love him again had been little more than a daydream, and they'd crumbled to dust the instant the elevator door had opened and he'd seen them wrapped in each other's arms.
Vega and Shepard, together as a couple, hadn't been real to him until that moment. Seeing her with James, pressing her lips to his, was just too much for Kaidan to bear and his hurt had got the better of him. He had wanted to believe that it was just a fling and that Shepard was lonely and Vega wanted to sleep with his idol, but the way they'd looked at each other had ripped his heart out.
Maybe it was love and maybe it wasn't, but it was clear to him now that he'd lost Shepard for good and he had to face up to that.
He had to let her go.
"We're almost there." Shepard finished loading her thermal clips and pushed away from the railing. "The signal is just up ahead."
They began to move forward, James and Shepard in the lead while he and Tali followed behind, ready to launch tech attacks if they spotted any geth. The ship was enormous, and Kaidan couldn't help but look around as they walked. The technology was fascinating and, given a chance, he would have loved a closer look at it. He'd always been interested in alien tech, and the geth ship appeared to be a treasure trove of data.
It was almost a pity they were here to destroy it. Almost.
The room containing the drive core was blazingly bright compared to the dimly lit corridors and darkened catwalks they'd come from. As they moved into the room, Shepard and Tali both came to a stop and Kaidan almost walked into them. He glanced at them in irritation and realised that they were both staring open mouthed at a mess of cables and reaper tech ahead of them that were hooked up to a restrained geth.
The geth was suspended in the middle of the room, and a series of cables and devices that were hooked into it led away to several other humming machines that had the look of Reaper tech. The geth was clearly trapped, but it looked up as they came in and to Kaidan's surprise it seemed to recognise Shepard and spoke to her.
"Shepard Commander. Help us."
He glanced at Rennah in shock as she lowered her gun and stepped forward, "Legion!"
"You know this thing?" Kaidan couldn't keep the shock out of his voice.
Tali nodded, "This is Legion. It's a friend of ours."
James made a sound of disbelief, "But it's a geth!"
Kaidan looked across at James and nodded, understanding exactly where the lieutenant was coming from. This machine was one of the artificial monsters that had slaughtered the council races in droves back when they'd been hunting down Saren. They had run the quarians off their own planet and were currently trying to destroy their entire race.
"Legion is a friend." Shepard said firmly, "Without his help we wouldn't have been able to take down the Collector base."
Kaidan glanced back at James and the other man shrugged, a rare moment of understanding passing between them. They may not have liked each other, but at that instant neither one of them understood Shepard. Only she could befriend a geth and then steadfastly stand by it even when it was hooked up to reaper technology.
"It's good to see you again, Legion." Tali stepped forward, setting her shotgun down on a bench. "Hang on and we'll try to get you down."
"Commander." Kaidan looked from his omni-tool back to Shepard, "The reaper signal is coming from this geth. Letting it go could be a bad idea."
James nodded, "For all we know, it could have sided with them voluntarily or it could be hacked."
"No." Rennah shook her head, "Legion helped us fight the Reapers. He wouldn't have agreed to this."
The geth seemed to watch their exchanges, and Kaidan guessed that it was listening in to their communication channel as it chimed in, "Once released this unit will submit to any restraint Shepard Command deems necessary."
"I trust you." Shepard stepped back from the control panel and glanced at the Reaper cables, "How did this happen?"
Legion considered her words, tilting its flashlight shaped head this way and that before it answered, "The old machines are using this unit's networking router to broadcast their command signal to all geth." It paused and glanced at all of them before it spoke again, "Removing us from the device will halt the signal broadcast."
Kaidan opened up a private channel to James, "It's telling Shepard exactly what she wants to hear. Be ready to take it out if it tries anything."
"Yeah, I hear you." Vega nodded at him and Kaidan tightened his own grip on his gun as the geth continued speaking.
"We are secured via hardware blocks that have shackled our operating protocols. Shutting them down will allow you to remove our restraints and free us." The geth again seemed to look at them in turn and Kaidan felt his skin crawl as he saw that the geth had fixed a burnt up piece of N7 armour onto itself. "The operating console is on the far side of the room. Removing the blocks should be simple."
"Right!" Shepard swung around to look at them, "Tali and Kaidan, I want you on those hardware blocks. James and I will stay here in case we need to physically remove Legion from the restraints."
"Roger that, Commander." Kaidan nodded, looking quickly at Vega to make sure the younger man understood that he had to be ready to act. He'd remove the blocks and trust that James could take the geth out if it tried anything with Shepard while he and Tali were across the room.
"How did the Reapers even take control of the geth? I thought we destroyed the heretics and the rest of you wanted nothing to do with the Reapers?" Shepard began speaking to the machine again as they moved off, and Kaidan kept one ear on their conversation.
It was curious that Shepard, someone who had hated and fought against the geth for so many years, had befriended one and was standing by it even though it was broadcasting a reaper signal. Clearly she'd met this thing while working for Cerberus, and somehow the machine had managed to win her trust.
"The geth sought the help of the old machines when the creators attacked us." Kaidan was surprised to realise that the machine sounded almost regretful as it spoke to Shepard, "Without their upgrades the geth would likely have been destroyed."
There was a pause and Kaidan could almost feel Shepard's surprise and disappointment, "Are you telling me that the geth allowed the Reapers to take control of them because the quarians attacked them?"
"Yes. We did not wish to be destroyed."
Tali looked back at the geth from the terminal that they were at, "There must have been another way, Legion! Allying yourselves with the Reapers is..is…!"
"No, Creator Zorah, there was no other way. The geth do not have allies. We had nowhere else to turn if we wished to avoid destruction."
Kaidan told himself he was imagining the remorse in the machine's tone; it was a geth and the geth didn't have emotions. Instead, he focused on the terminal in front of him and with Tali's help, he slowly managed to eliminate the blocks on the geth's hardware. Finally, the device powered down and Legion was free. It released itself from the reaper device and leaped to the ground next to James and Shepard.
"I begged them to negotiate with the geth, I begged them." Tali murmured next to him, the raw emotion audible over the transmitter. "This could have been avoided if we'd just talked to them!"
"They're machines Tali." Kaidan reminded her as they walked back to Shepard, who was speaking to Admiral Gerrel over a secure channel, "Never forget that they drove your people from Rannoch hundreds of years ago."
The lights in the room threw ominous shadows all around them as the drive core fluctuated and went out, and Kaidan tensed as the geth turned back to stare at him. Up close, he could see that the armour on the geth's shoulder was in fact N7 armour and it looked sickeningly familiar.
"Is it wearing a piece of your armour?" He glared at the geth as he spoke, his stomach turning bitterly as he came to the logical conclusion.
"Yeah, Legion found it on Alchera." Shepard sounded asmused and Kaidan turned to look at her in surprise.
"It scavenged from your corpse?"
She laughed, and Kaidan felt a flash of annoyance go through him at her flippancy, "No, it was sent by the geth consortium to investigate me. Legion found the armour and…used it."
"What? Why?" James spoke up before Kaidan could ask the very same question, his curiosity bubbling away. Why would a geth wear a piece of Shepard's armour? It was a little spooky.
Shepard shrugged and turned back to face Legion. "It had a hole."
"This unit has deactivated the drive core as a gesture of good will." Legion pointed to the now defunct core, "The weapons, barrier and the reaper signal are now offline."
"Excellent, I…"
Shepard was interrupted by a violent tremor that shook the geth ship and which flung all of them sideways into a railing the stretched the width of the room. Kaidan scrambled to his feet with his rifle pointed at the geth, certain that this had something to do with it, but Tali lurched to her feet next to him and pushed his weapon down.
"That wasn't Legion! That was the quarians! Gerrel has ordered a full attack on the dreadnaught over a secure quarian channel!" She sounded terrified and Kaidan looked across as Shepard who had already climbed to her feet and was helping James stand, "Shepard! We have to get out of here!"
"Agreed!" Shepard turned to Legion, grabbing hold of James to steady herself as the ship lurched under them again. "Legion, can you get us out of here?"
"Yes. The docking bay is nearby and this unit can pilot a geth fighter." Legion led them out of the room, surprising fast on its awkward looking legs.
Around them the ship was rocking unsteadily as the quarians fired on it, and though there were no klaxons or warning lights, it was clear that the dreadnaught was in trouble. A pipe ruptured and steam began to hiss out in front of them, obscuring their view, but Kaidan pressed on with the rest of their team. There was another ground-shaking explosion and he gasped as the gangway ahead of them gave way.
Kaidan pulled himself up short managed to grab hold of Tali and drag her back from the edge, but Shepard was mid-way across the section that fell and she vanished into the abyss. James managed to leap clear in a demonstration of athleticism that Kaidan couldn't help but be impressed by, landing safely on the far side next to Legion.
"Commander! You okay?" Vega's voice buzzed in his hear and Kaidan grinned in relief as he heard Shepard grumbling and swearing in reply.
There was no other way across to the far side, so Kaidan and Tali carefully climbed down and followed Shepard who was already sprinting up a ramp on the far side of the room. The explosions and detonations were getting worse, and both he and Tali were struggling to keep their feet under them as they bolted up the ramp to join the others near a geth fighter.
Without warning, the lights on the dreadnaught flickered and the gravity went out. Kaidan sucked in a yell as his forward motion carried him off the ramp and into the cavernous docking bay. He spun crazily, unable to control his speed or direction as he careened away from the others. He could hear confused voices on the transceiver in his ear; Shepard's voice yelling his name, James yelling Shepard's name and Tali repeating the words 'Oh Keelah!' over and over.
In his peripheral vision he could see Tali tumbling in space a few metre away, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Legion gracefully snag Tali as she floated away. He felt a moment of panic, as he wondered how the hell he was going to get out of here before he floated into space, then two strong arms wrapped around him and he found himself staring at Shepard's breather helmet, the silhouette of her face only just visible.
She'd come for him…
"Got you!" Her arms tightened around him and Kaidan wrapped his arms around her waist as the spinning stopped and their momentum carried them towards another docked geth ship.
They hit the ship legs first and both of them automatically bent their knees, absorbing the impact and then pushing out and away, back in the direction they'd come. This time Legion caught them both and swung them towards the fighter, only releasing them when their magboots had locked onto the hull.
Kaidan was still shaking as he climbed down into the storage compartment and found himself sandwiched uncomfortably between Tali and James. Shepard swung down a moment later and resorted to scrunching up on James' lap, her legs laying across Kaidan and Tali's laps.
"Is there enough room in the storage compartment, Shepard Commander?" Legion asked from the spacious pilot seat, his hands flying over the controls as he piloted them out of the docking bay and away from the dreadnaught.
Shepard paused for a moment and then shrugged, "We're fine, just get us out of here."
Kaidan could hear Tali conversing with Joker and giving him coordinates to meet them, while James surreptitiously put an arm around Shepard's waist, and held her carefully against him. He had the feeling they were speaking on a private line and Kaidan hesitated for a moment, not wanting to interrupt them when they were having a moment. However, he had to know why she'd come after him when she hated him.
"Commander?" He spoke up carefully, feeling awkward as both James and Shepard turned their helmets to look at him.
"Are you alright Kaidan?" Shepard sounded genuinely concerned and he felt some of tension he'd been carrying since he kissed her, ease up.
She didn't hate him.
"I'm fine. I just wanted to say thank you for saving me back there."
She put a hand on his shoulder and tightened it briefly, "Don't mention it, that's what friends do."
Kaidan turned to look back out the forward window as the dreadnaught exploded behind them and the fighter shuddered slightly from the shockwave. Being friends with Shepard wasn't what he wanted, but he would take her friendship if she was offering it. It was more than he deserved after the way he'd acted towards her and James.
She made an angry noise as the Normandy flew into view and Kaidan lightly touched her arm. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Shepard nodded slowly, her expression unreadable under her helmet, "I just can't wait to get my hands on Admiral Gerrel…"
James tried not to grin as he followed Shepard from the war room, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter as she flung a disgruntled look in his direction. Rennah had not been impressed with Gerrel's attack on the geth dreadnaught when they'd still been on it, and her anger had manifested in a physical display that Gerrel wouldn't be forgetting for a long time. She'd actually punched the Admiral in the stomach, and when he'd puffed himself up and started to yell at her she'd hit him again and ordered him off the ship.
She'd been ferocious as she'd torn strips off the quarians for endangering the lives of one of their own Admirals and the lives of several key Normandy personnel. Raan had apologised as Xen led the spluttering Gerrel away, taking him back to his own flagship before Shepard could have another go at him. Korris and Tali had mostly stayed out of it, only commenting that they'd assumed that the quarian fleets would withdraw, and that Gerrel had acted without their consent.
"The nerve of that man! Trying to justify firing on a ship when we were still inside of it!" Shepard stabbed her finger at the call button on the elevator, unaware of the staff at the CIC busily turning their attention elsewhere as she raged, "I mean, I understand the temptation of pushing the advantage and taking the damn thing out, but you'd think he could have waited five fucking minutes for us to leave!" She viciously jabbed the call button again and tapped her foot impatiently.
"It's unacceptably, but we got out safely." James reminded her, clenching his jaw as he remembered how she'd fallen down when the gangway collapsed, and then how she'd launched herself after Kaidan without a moment's hesitation.
Three times today she'd almost wound up meeting her maker, and each time James had almost died from the adrenaline that had surged through him. Once when the docking tube gave way, once when that damned gangway had collapsed and again when she'd launched herself into space to retrieve Kaidan. It had been brave but incredibly stupid! Especially when they had a non-living geth standing right there that probably could have floated out and saved Alenko without any problem.
The elevator arrived and she got in, her anger fading as she pressed the button for her cabin and turned to him with a sly grin, "At least you and Kaidan seemed to get on better today."
"United in our mistrust of geth." James murmured to her, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
"What?" She gave him a puzzled glance and James grinned.
"Nothing."
The elevator doors opened and they walked out together, the atmosphere becoming electrified the instant they got inside of her cabin and closed the door. James could barely control himself as she pulled away and walked over to her desk, dropping the data pad she was carrying and then turning back as she flashed him a smile.
Did she know how beautiful she was? She always seemed so surprised at the attention she drew from people, but every now and again, like now, he was certain that she knew how gorgeous she was. The way she was watching him and the look in her eyes was blisteringly hot and James moved towards her like a moth to a flame, powerless to stop himself.
"It feels like forever since we've been alone." She complained as he pulled her into his arms, marvelling as he always did at the way she fit so perfectly against him.
"Mmm." James agreed, running his hands down her body and circling his hands around her waist as he lowered his head to take her mouth in a passionate kiss.
Shepard twined her arms around his neck and pressed against him eagerly, smelling of sweat, gun oil and that sharp biotic ozone scent which was uniquely her. He drew back and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, enjoying the simple pleasure of holding her while he could. It was so good just to be close to her without worrying about people seeing them or judging them.
She stayed in his arms for a moment, then wriggled free and grinned at him as she took a backwards step towards the bathroom, "Care to join me for a shower, Jimmy?"
"Is that your way of telling me I stink?" James joked as he willingly followed her into the tiny room.
She laughed and the sound sent pleasant shivers down his spine, "Maybe it's my way of telling you how dirty I feel!"
They stripped off their BDUs and underwear and slipped under the warm water. It was ridiculous, both of them trying to shower at the same time, but they laughed and joked as they vied for position under the water. James took his time as he ran the bar of soap over Shepard's body, lathering up the suds and washing away the sweat of the day from her skin.
Shepard sighed softly, in obvious pleasure as he pulled her back against him under the water, her ass pushing gently against his erection. He slid his hands around her front and massaged her breasts carefully, nuzzling the side of her neck and giving her a love bite. She groaned and turned in his arms, her eyes burning with hunger as she looked up at him, the water misting around her.
James framed her face in his hands, sliding his hands down to her jaw as he tipped her face up and kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, a loving kiss, and he deepened it slowly, sliding his tongue along hers as his hands slid from her face and down her wonderful curves. He slid a knee in between her legs and she gasped as he pushed her against the shower wall.
He cupped her buttocks and lifted her, spreading her legs and sliding his hard length inside of her innermost core in one smooth slick motion. James paused once he was sheathed inside of her fully, groaning as Rennah whimpered in pleasure and arched against him, throwing her head back and wrapping her long legs tightly around his waist. The warm water coursed down around them as he braced her back against the shower wall and began to move slowly inside of her, deliberately taking things tortuously slow.
Shepard rested her arms on his shoulders and raised her head to look at him, her violet eyes staring deeply into his as they moved together, their bodies joined in the most primal of ways. She curled her nails into his skin and bit her lip as James quickened his movements, thrusting himself inside of her faster and deeper. He leaned forward and licked beaded water off her chest, allowing his tongue to delve into the hollow of her collar bone and then gently biting her neck, groaning as Shepard tightened her pelvic muscles reflexively.
She was so warm and tight around him that it was a struggle not to pin her to the wall and take her hard and fast like they had other times, but this was different. This was special. The way she was watching him was so intimate that James felt certain that he could tell her he loved her and she would be reciprocate. There was magic between them, and something that was this right had to be love.
The warm glowing pleasure began to build inside of him, and James quickened his movements further, chasing the magic that was flowing through them. Shepard was moving against him too, her body arching rhythmically against him as she met each of his thrusts with a roll of her hips. She panted, clenching her teeth and James felt her body tense around his as she rode the crest of that wave of ecstasy.
He cupped her breasts and rolled his thumbs over her nipples as he let his control go and he hammered into her, keeping her braced tightly against the wall. Rennah cried out as she reached the height of her release and raked her nails across his back, urging him on as she cried his name. James followed her over the edge of the abyss, claiming her lips as he came deep inside of her, his body shuddering as the sharp edge of pleasure raced through him.
It was mind blowing; fireworks, marching bands and every other climatic stereotype that James could think of. He felt happiness surge through him as she murmured his name fondly, and when he pulled back to gaze at Rennah, she had the same happy look on her face. She looked even more beautiful, her eyes buzzing with slivers of biotic energy as she looked back at him.
James set her down carefully, waiting until she'd found her feet before he stepped back under the water. To his surprise she followed him and pressed against him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug as she held him close and kissed him hard. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest and he held her close, wishing he could just say what was in his heart.
"James…I…" She started to say something and then stopped, pressing her lips to his ears and whispering something quickly, "Ya lyublyu tebya bol'she chem ya lyublyu zvezdy v nebe."
Her voice was soft and James didn't recognise a single word she said, but he guessed from the tone and accent that it was in Russian and he blinked in surprise, "I thought you didn't speak Russian?"
"I might have exaggerating a little." She admitted quietly as she pulled away, her eyes still shining, "I mean, I can't speak it fluently or anything, but I remember a few things from when I was young."
"And what did that mean?" James rested his hands loosely around her waist, something about the way she was watching him making him want to keep her close to him.
She hesitated a moment and then smiled a little wider and her eyes twinkled, "It's something my mother used to say to me. I'll tell you what it means one day, when the time is right."
James felt his heart squeeze again at the soft way she was watching him, and he kissed her again, pulling her body more firmly against him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman. Whether that was until the Reapers destroyed them all, or until they grew old together, he wanted to stay by her side. He just had to find the courage to tell her how he felt.
A/N – Thank you to my friend Alexandra for the Russian transliteration! I will eventually reveal what Shepard said, but it's part of the plot so please don't go and look it up and spoil yourself on something sweet and cute that happens later!
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'd love to hear your feedback as I really enjoyed writing it.