Redemption and Ruin

Chapter Thirty-six

Their bed felt too big. Too empty without Rey. He'd barely slept. He missed the comforting weight of her body curled against his. Her loose hair sometimes tickled his skin, but he missed it. He missed the little sounds she made in her sleep. Sometimes she would let out a little snore or even a snort. She liked to burrow her head against him.

Her lithe body was warm against his. Like the Light that burned inside her. He couldn't be curled up with her and not remember the little padawan who climbed into his bed when she was afraid. The little girl who trusted him to protect her. His Rey.

He felt her start to stir through the bond. He sat up in their bed, the dark sheets empty and cold without her. "Rey…"

"Ren!" she sounded tired yet relieved. "Oh, Ren…"

"Did you get any sleep?"

"No. Not really."

Cold. Sore. She'd slept on the floor. His Rey, his beautiful Rey, shaking and in pain. She wrapped the scarf around herself tighter and he could feel the binders cutting into her wrists, tearing the delicate skin.

He wanted to hurt Hux. Knock his teeth in to start. Crush the bones in his hands. Make him stop breathing. Then let him breathe only to stop it again. Over and over. He'd make him suffer for them. Watch him choke on his own teeth. Then maybe he would end his suffering. Maybe.

"Ren?"

"I'm here, sweetheart," he said softly, the hate dying down a bit at her voice. At her presence.

"Did you sleep?"

He scrubbed his hand across his face. "Not really. I miss you."

"I need you. I can't… I can't do this. I'm scared."

He closed his eyes, feeling her fear and her pain. It physically hurt him to feel her suffering. He was trained to focus through pain. To use it as strength. Her pain was his undoing. He never wanted her to hurt. Never. He wanted to save her. Protect her.

"I know. I know. I'm right here. I won't leave you. I swear on my life. I'll find a way to get to you. I'll find a way to save you. Trust me."

He felt her relax a bit and felt some tension leave his own body as a result. He wanted to hold her in his arms. To keep her tucked against him and safe from harm. Safe from Hux.

His Rey.

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

"Never. I'm right here. I'm here."

"Ren—"

"Rey? Rey, baby, are you hurt?"

He jumped off the bed, still completely dressed in his robes sans the mask. His mangled hands were bandaged and wrapped in bacta. But that didn't stop him. He was at the door and taping the pad. He'd been denied access to leave his quarters the day before. His saber had also been taken. Punishment.

But this time, the door opened, allowing him passage into the hallway. He clenched his fists, ignoring the pain shooting up his arms. Rey needed him. That was all that mattered.

"Rey, I'm coming, baby. Hold on."

She was in Hux's rooms. He'd recognized them through the bond. He could also sense her. With each step, the bond grew stronger, along with her unease.

"Ren, don't! Don't!" she shouted through the bond.

"Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?" I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I don't care. I'll kill him.

"I…"

"Rey? Rey!"

She was distracted and pained. He could sense that.

"…Fine. I'm fine. Just tired."

"Rey…"

Fear. For him. For his safety.

He stopped in his tracks, remembering Rey's screams. Remembering hearing her begging to save him. To stop the pain. Even when she was hurt, her first thought was still him. He couldn't let her be hurt.

"I'm okay. I just miss you. I'm okay."

"You sure?"

He could feel the uncertainty. The hesitation. A chill down her spine. She was upset and he wanted to pull her into his arms. He wanted to hold her close and soothe her fears away.

"Kylo, please… stay with me."

"I'm right here. What can I do?"

"Get help. The General. Please. For me."

He swallowed hard. He always had Rey with him for their contact. He hated seeing his mother. She wore the pain and hope on her face and it cut into him more than a saber. She always softened a bit around him. After all this time, after everything he'd done, she still cared.

"Anything," he swore.

She took a deep breath from her spot in the middle of the floor. Hux sat beside her, his hand running down her back. She'd felt Kylo approaching with that determined stride of his. It was a hopeless errand that would only get them both hurt.

Rey couldn't stomach anymore of his pain. Not yet. Not now. Not ever if she could help it. Her own wounds ached and itched as they healed by degrees thanks to the bacta. Her skin still crawled at the memory of Hux dressing them.

He ran his hands across the bandages. "Hmm, how do you feel today?"

"Like I don't want to be here."

Hux frowned, shaking his head at her. "That's not what I asked." He dug his thumb into the wound on her thigh and she jumped.

Almost immediately she felt Ren tense. "Rey?"

"Just moved wrong. I'm fine," she lied.

She didn't want him to know. She didn't want him to see this. She knew he would do something risky. Something stupid. She couldn't let him. Someone had to protect Ren from his own self-destructive impulses.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I love you."

She felt him sigh through the bond. She felt that flutter of happiness at her words. A simple comfort. It was all she had to give him now.

"You're talking to him, aren't you?" Hux demanded, pressing his thumb deeper, bringing tears to her eyes. Rey tried to close the edges of the bond and shut him out. She didn't want Ren to see this. To feel this.

"No…" she lied, her voice trembling nearly as much as her body.

"Yes, you are." He gripped the scarf, Ren's scarf, pulling her closer. "Lying to me is against the rules, Rey."

"But I'm not… not right now."

"But you were." He tsked at her, shaking his head. "And here I thought you might behave after a night spent on the floor. Hmm."

"Please… please, don't hurt him. Please."

He sighed deeply. "I don't know, Rey. You lied to me. You broke a rule. You deserve to be punished."

"Don't… I'm sorry. I didn't—it won't happen again."

He tilted her face toward him, making that tsking sound again. "I just don't believe you."

Her heart leapt into her throat as she imagined all kinds of horrible situations that ended with Ren in pain. And it was all because of her. Because she got caught in a lie. She couldn't let that happen.

She put a hand over his. "Please, Hux, let me make it up to you. I'm sorry."

"You can certainly try."

Her hands trembled in the binders as she slowly raised them. She touched his right cheek with her left hand, similar to how she'd touched Kylo Ren before. She wanted to strangle him with her bare hands.

But she thought of him, thought of him suffering because of her, and she knew not to risk it. She wouldn't risk Ren. Not like this.

"Rey…" His voice was soft as it tried to push through.

"I'm sorry. I have to do this. Forgive me, Ren. I love you. I can't let him hurt you."

She kissed the general. As her lips pressed against his, she closed her eyes. A lone tear slipped down her cheek as she thought about Ren. She traced his face, traced the scar, with her hand. She poured love into the bond. Love for him, only him. Her Ren.

"Rey…" His voice was breaking, much like her heart.

"I'm so sorry, Ren."

She dropped her hand, moving to break the kiss. A hand gripped her hair, pulling her closer. His lips pressed against hers harder, demanding.

Rey did her best to return the kiss, despite the growing disgust. She could hear Ren's uneven breathing through the bond. She could feel his anger and pain. He wanted to help her. He wanted to stop this. Guilt.

"This is my fault," he said.

"No, no… it's not. No…"

Hux finally released her and she almost fell on her back scrambling to put distance between them. She gripped the hem of the cloak in her right hand, the heavy fabric still retaining a hint of Ren's scent. It was all she had of him. Her most prized possession.

"Hmm, not bad," Hux said, touching his lips with a grin.

Her stomach rolled. She was going to be ill.

"I'm here," Ren said softly.

She could almost feel his arms around her. All the love and comfort through the bond. Protection.

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here."

"You still have to be punished."

Before she could speak, there was a loud rip as Hux yanked the cloak from around her shoulders. Her bound hands flew up to grab the material. Ren's scarf. Her scarf. Torn and ruined. But still hers.

"No, please…"

He stood up, yanking the heavy fabric from her hands as she clawed at it in desperation. "You have to learn to respect your masters, Rey. I warned you about the consequences. Now I will have to burn this."

"NO! Please, Hux… I'm sorry, I didn't… it won't happen again, please…" She stayed on her knees before him. "Please forgive me."

"Rey, let it go. It's okay," Ren pushed in her head. "It's just fabric. It's nothing."

"It's all I have of you."

"I'm still right here, baby. You won't lose me. It's okay."

"I can't. I can't. I need you. I'm so scared, Ren."

"I tell you what. This time, I won't burn it. Next time you break a rule, I will. But you have to earn it back." He crushed the cloak in a fist.

She nodded. "How?"

He smirked at her. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

She shuddered at the implication and felt Ren bristle in her head.

For several long moments, he towered over her, Ren's cloak in one hand. Then he made a face. "You reek."

She didn't speak. After all she was covered in saber burns. Her clothes had a singed smell to them from burnt fabric and blistered skin. Of course she smelt.

Rey grimaced as he gripped her arm over the burn. "You don't need to keep me here. Please, let me stay with him. I'll behave."

"No. You had your chance before. My orders are to keep you apart."

"Don't. There's no need to. Please, I will work with you, just let me be with him."

"You're only making this worse for him. Every time you fight me or try and spin a deal, he suffers. If you're a good girl, I don't have a reason to punish him. So I suggest if you truly care about him, you stop asking these questions."

"When can I see him?"

"After you prove to me I can trust you. Not before."

She nodded slightly, tensing when his hand touched her lower back.

"This would be much easier if you would simply forget him, Rey. I don't want to hurt you. But I will." He squeezed her burned arm and she let out a sharp hiss.

"Now, I arranged for new clothes. Clean yourself up. Try anything and Ren will suffer. Understand?" He grabbed the binders, starting to unlock them.

"Yes," she said quietly, rubbing her raw wrists.

He guided her toward the refresher, his hand on her lower back. She wanted to scream or push him away. But she didn't. She was tired. She just wanted Ren.

"I'm here. I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get us out of here. I promise, Rey. I promise. No matter what it takes, I'm going to get you out of here."

She scrubbed away his touch and her own blood in the powerful spray of the 'fresher. She found fresh bacta and bandages along with a clean uniform in the room before she'd climbed in.

She wound bandages up her arm to cover the healing lightsaber burns. Her thigh wasn't healing as well thanks to Hux's repeated abuse. He'd actually torn open the scabbed skin, allowing fresh blood to ooze out, with his thumb. She carefully bandaged it before pulling on the uniform.

These were the clothes of a First Order officer. Eerily enough, the uniform was her size. The pants weren't too long for her frame and the jacket wasn't over-large on her narrow shoulders. It was almost as if these clothes were made for her. There was even a pair of new boots, just her size, sitting with the clothes. They looked stiff and uncomfortable. Rey put her old boots back on instead. Ren had chosen these for her. She'd worn them for countless hours in training. No, there was no reason to let go of these boots, not like her ruined clothes.

If this were Jakku, she would've mended the rips and repaired them, but she didn't have access to any tools here or reason to. Not when she had a fresh set of clothes. The fabric was stiff and rough, not like the soft robes Kylo had made for her.

The woolen fabric of the jacket would keep her warm in the frigid starship, but it wasn't anything like the thick scarf that belonged to Ren. The scarf she'd worn almost everyday since she'd been taken from the Resistance.

Her hand touched her collar, where the fabric usually lay, and she sighed heavily.

"Ren?" she reached out to him, her heart aching.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I miss you."

"Where's Hux?"

"I don't know, but I think I can get out."

"Rey—"

"Meet me? We can steal a ship and get out of here. I can fly. We can run. Ren…"

"Are you sure?"

"I can't stay here. We have to try."

"I'm coming. Hurry, we won't have much time. I love you, Rey."

"I love you."

She left the refresher and re-entered the bedroom. It was empty save for a lone Stormtrooper. She didn't see any sign of Hux. Perhaps he'd gone off.

With a flick of her hand, he crashed into the wall. Rey raced over and grabbed his blaster. It never hurt to have a weapon.

She fired at the control panel and the door opened into the main suite.

She reached out with the Force, sending another guard flying into a wall. He hit the floor hard, out cold like the one in the bedroom. Rey hurried across the room, the blaster held tight as she hurried toward the door. She aimed at the control box, her finger on the trigger when a fist struck her in the mouth seemingly out of nowhere.

Rey stumbled, the pistol skidding across the duracrete floor, her cheek on fire and immediately Ren was in her head, calling her name.

She struggled to respond as a hand gripped her arm, wrenching it out of joint. She let out a sharp cry just before a pair of binders closed on her wrist.

"Rey!"

A kick to the back of her knees had her on the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Ren! Ren!" she screamed outloud.

The binders clinked close and another jerk on her injured arm had her cry out again.

"Did you really think you could escape? Hmm?" Hux breathed into her ear. He twisted her arm and she heard a bone crack. Rey screamed.

"Rey! I'm coming, baby, I'm coming, hold on!"

"It's a trap, Ren, no… don't… it's a trap!"

There was a commotion on the other side of the door. Through the thick durasteel, she couldn't hear it, but she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that Ren was behind it.

Hux hauled her back to her feet. He put one arm around her waist and held a blaster to her temple with the other. "I warned you about disobeying. What happens when you break rules, scavenger?"

"Don't hurt him. Please."

"Oh, he's going to suffer. I've been very forgiving thus far. Now it's time for you to learn."

She struggled against him and he pressed the blaster harder to her head.

The door shuddered and creaked before it was seemingly torn in half to reveal Ren. There was no mask to hide his rage. Even without the bond, she could feel it rolling off him as he stalked into the room, his dark eyes hard.

Hux yanked her backward, keeping the blaster aimed at her head.

"Ren!" she called, tears flowing freely down her cheeks now at the sight of him.

"Get away from her," he growled, raising a gloved hand.

Hux moved the blaster lower and pressed it against her leg. He pulled the trigger and Rey screamed as a bolt tore through her skin, burning her right thigh almost like the saber had. It had been pressed to the side and grazed her instead of tearing through her leg. She wobbled and Hux held her tight.

"Rey!" Ren cried out, his eyes flashing. His hand started to shake. He wanted to kill him. Rey could feel it.

"Come any closer, Ren, and the next one won't miss," Hux warned.

She struggled a bit and the blaster barrel pressed against her stomach. Ren stood still.

"Get away from her, Hux. Let her go now and I'll make your death painless."

"You have no power here. Not anymore. The girl here is a prisoner of the First Order. I can do whatever I please with her," Hux said and she could almost feel him grinning as he ran his hand across her waist, keeping her pressed against him.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she trembled. "Please, don't hurt Kylo. Don't. This is my fault. I tried to escape. Please…"

"You should've thought of the consequences before," he said, dragging the blaster up her side and back to her head. "Now you have two choices, Rey."

"I'm here, baby. I'm here. Look at me."

She stifled a sob and looked at him. At the quiet fury surrounding him. He'd come to save her. He was right there, almost close enough to touch. Her Ren.

"Don't hurt him," she said. "Don't hurt him…"

"I have to hurt him. You disobeyed." Hux put a hand around her neck, squeezing a bit. She let out a strangled whimper and heard leather creak as Ren clenched his fists.

"Please…" she begged.

"You decide his punishment."

"Punish me."

A squad of Stormtroopers appeared in the hallway, their rifles all aimed at Ren. He flexed his hands a bit and she knew he was contemplating how many he could kill.

"Ren, please, no…"

"I can save us."

"No more killing. Ren, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"This is not your fault. None of this. I will find a way to get you out of here. I swear. Even if it kills me, I will get you away from him."

"I'm so tired."

"I know. I know."

He didn't fight as the 'troopers put him in binders. He didn't resist. He just stared at her and she felt her heart breaking. He had a chance to escape. And he didn't. He stayed for her. Now he was going to suffer because of her. Because of something she did.

"There are two choices, Rey. Option one: a very painful session with our interrogator droid. Option two: thirty lightsaber burns."

Her stomach dropped. She could remember the vivid pain of her own burns. She'd seen the scars on Ren's body. He'd been tortured before. He'd been burned before. He was no stranger to pain.

"No, please, no, don't do this! Don't hurt him!"

A baton pressed against his back and forced Ren to his knees. His face twitched a bit and she felt the rush of pain through the bond.

"If I choose, it will be double," Hux said.

"Hurt me instead. Don't hurt him. Hurt me," she whimpered, her eyes locked on him. "Don't hurt him, please."

"Rey, it's okay. I can take it," he said.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Choose. Which one is it, Rey?" Hux demanded, moving his blaster to press against the new burn on her leg.

Thirty burns could kill or maim him. Her body ached from the four she had and they were minor compared to what Ren would suffer. She knew Hux would do his best to hurt him. It was too risky.

"I'm sorry, Ren. I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at her feet. "The first option."

Author's Notes:

Another painful chapter for both Rey and Ren. Sorry to say it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm about mid-way through the next chapter which I hope to post on Monday after work. I've got a busy weekend with my best friend – the one who took me to TFA and started this – planned since he's only in town for a few days (he's Navy and stationed far away and very rarely gets leave) so I'll probably come home and crash Sunday instead of writing.

Thanks again for all the reviews! They warm my heart and help shape where this story goes. I do take anonymous reviews and respond to them in the next chapter. There's also excerpts on my Tumblr – you don't need an account to view them. That's tmcarper . tumblr . com