A/N: Many of you are asking how long this story will be. The answer is I'm not 100% sure. I have everything planned out in a timeline but haven't completed every chapter yet. The way its going I'm going to say it will be around 50 chapters but don't hold me to that. I still have a lot of stuff to tie up before you worry about this ending!

Disclaimer: I don't own VA. I do own this plot.

37

"I thought I lost you," I whispered, gently stroking a finger up and down Dimitri's bare chest, reveling in the slight tremors that my touch sent through him. We were curled up on our bed after a long night of debriefing and settling the attack in Boston. It was technically the middle of the vampiric day but we had no intentions of emerging from our apartment until the next day. Dr. Gibson may have restricted me from having sex but there were a few creative workarounds that we'd employed.

"I'm not going anywhere, moya serdtse," he assured me in a low murmur.

"Not by choice," I agreed. "But there's always a risk. When I sat in Hans office waiting for news I couldn't help but realize all of the things that I need your help making decisions about."

"Mmm?" he made a noise of inquiry.

I quietly told him about my conversation with Sonya the first night he'd been gone. We had talked on the phone since then but I hadn't wanted to admit my unwillingness to help create the vaccine.

"I feel terrible," I admitted at last. "Like by doing this I'm trying to prevent world peace or something. But I can't agree and make that choice for him." I hesitated. "Did I do the right thing? What would you want to do about it?"

Dimitri considered for a long moment before responding. "If I could stop even one person from experiencing the life of a Strigoi," he whispered, "I'd do it. But not at the expense of our son." I let out a sigh of relief. He continued. "It is a tough decision to make but I think you made the right call. Aleksey deserves the chance to grow up as normally as possible. If he chooses to do something about it later than it will be his own choice, not ours."

I smiled and nuzzled my nose slightly into the hollow of his throat before looking up at him.

"Aleksey?" I asked. We'd both liked the name a lot but hadn't outwardly made any decisions yet.

Dimitri looked mildly embarrassed and I was surprised by how sexy that was to me. He always seemed so sure and confident that these little moments when I caught him off guard were extra special to me.

"I know we haven't made a final decision yet," he admitted. "But I can't get the name out of my head. Every time I think about him," he brushed his fingertips over my stomach. "Well, it seems to fit."

I was tempted to continue teasing him, just to get more of a reaction out of him, but I decided against it. It was hard to tease him when he was being so honest with me.

"I agree. Sometimes I'll be thinking about him and I'll call him Aleksey without realizing it. I hadn't wanted to make the final decision until we saw him but…" I trailed off.

Dimitri shifted out from under me and moved so that his face was level with my stomach. I was as naked as he was so there was no need to push a t-shirt out of the way. Instead he laid both hands on either side of his son and spoke to him.

"What do you say, malen'kiy chelovek? Would you like to carry the name Aleksey?"

The baby always responded to Dimitri's voice and now was no exception. He gave a strong kick towards Dimitri's left hand. I let out huff of surprise at the strength behind the move and Dimitri laughed.

"I guess that answers that," I agreed.

"Happy Birthday, comrade," I said, kissing his temple as I came up behind his chair. He gave a pleasant hum of appreciation before turning his head to graze his lips across my own retreating lips.

"Thank you, Roza."

It had been three weeks since the attack in Boston and we'd returned to normal life as much as possible. Dimitri had taken a weekend off of work and we'd finally completed the nursery. I frequently found myself stopping by the room and standing there for a few minutes, just picturing my son sleeping within the beautifully made crib or playing within the four blue walls.

Lissa had been steadily adding stuffed animals and clothes to our already sufficient collection. That, combined with Dimitri's mother and sisters frequently sending everything from outfits to diapers and a stunning hand-knitted blanket from Yeva, had the room bursting with everything a growing boy could possibly need. I sometimes found Dimitri in the room as well, sitting on the rocking chair that I would one day nurse our son in, just taking everything in. At thirty-one weeks into my pregnancy we were prepared to welcome Aleksey soon.

But I kind of hoped that he'd have his own birthday and not share one with his father if for no other reason than because I had plans for Dimitri today and didn't want to spend the day experiencing labor for the first time.

"The big three-zero," I teased, moving to sit in the chair next to him. "What an old man I'm shacking up with." He'd been sitting at the table, reading the newspaper (an extremely domestic activity he insisted on doing every Sunday), and eating toast. I reached over and snagged a piece from his plate.

"Don't tell me the age difference is going to start bothering you now," he quipped in return. "You've had five years to come to grips with it and, if memory serves, you were the overzealous one in our courtship."

"'Overzealous'" I air quoted, "is a perfect description of my personality and I take no insult at your words."

He laughed and set the paper aside, reaching out to take my free hand in his.

"I'm glad for it," he assured me.

I finished my toast in happy silence. When it was gone I motioned for him to finish up. "Get ready to go, comrade," I said. "I have the day planned out for us." I headed back to the bedroom, pausing at the hallway to turn back to him. "And by the way, Dimitri." I waited for him to turn around and look at me. When he did I gave him my best sultry smile and saw the response in the shift of his body. "You are the goddamn hottest thirty-year-old I've ever seen."

"You said that?" Lissa giggled madly and I swatted playfully at her arm in response.

"I'm not embarrassed," I defended myself, pushing a stray lock of hair from my eyes. "Its true. He is hot."

She nodded in agreement though I knew she preferred icy blue eyes to deep chocolate brown.

We were meandering through the Court gardens near the church and the dawning summer day was already turning warm. I quickly refastened my hair as we proceeded. Lissa had been itching for some time outside her office and with Dimitri on shift at the gate I'd been more than happy to accompany her when she asked.

While it wasn't unusual for us to get together and wander the grounds, the discreet distance she'd asked the rest of her guardians to follow us at let me know she had something important on her mind and she didn't want many people to know.

I waited patiently for her to tell me, instead regaling her with the highlights of Dimitri's birthday the day before and letting her laugh at my expense. She was wound tightly, stressed from the usual responsibilities and duties of her job plus the added fallout of the Boston attack and the fruitless search for the traitor. But despite that stress, which I was all too familiar with seeing on her face, there was an underlying excitement in the way she moved and watched the world around us.

After an hour of wandering around the empty gardens—with the sun starting to peek over the horizon Court was finally slowing down for the night—I finally sighed and pulled her onto a nearby bench shielded by a trellis with wisteria creeping up it. Her guardians would be able to see her but the majority of our expressions would be masked.

"Alright, spill," I told her once she was settled. "What do you really want to talk about?"

She gave me a wry smile. "Can't keep anything from you, can I?" she asked.

I shrugged. "The fact that you asked me out here to talk in private says you don't want to keep it from me. So…" I gestured for her to start.

Instead of answering right away she reached into the pocket of her slacks and drew out a glittering circlet of silver, topped in an impressively large square cut diamond.

I stared at it, eyes wide for a moment, before letting out an impressed whistle.

"I didn't know Sparky had such good taste in jewelry," I said.

Lissa giggled and slipped it onto her finger, admiring how it sparkled in the morning light. "He really does. Its amazing but…you don't think its too much?" she asked shyly.

I shook my head vehemently. "Its fit for a queen," I assured her. "But more than that, its what Christian wanted you to have. It's not too much. Definitely not."

She shot me a grateful smile.

"How did he ask?" I prompted. "When?" I tried to cover up my sudden and ridiculous serge of jealousy with questions. I had no reason to be jealous. I loved my best friend and I wanted her to be happy, which she obviously was. I already shared her with Christian and her people just as she shared me with Dimitri and soon our son. I didn't think it was jealousy over that because, honestly, though they'd be married and probably considering kids within the next few years, I didn't expect her marriage to change our relationship.

Maybe because its not you, a devious part of my mind whispered. I hated that part. Dimitri and I weren't going to be forced into a marriage just because I was pregnant. We'd talked about marriage often during our relationship—though I realized belatedly that it had been a largely avoided topic during my pregnancy—and, while not opposed to the idea, I'd been keen on the idea of establishing myself and my reputation before taking his name for good.

What about now? My reputation was firmly established, as a guardian at least.

But our lives were changing enough right now and I didn't need to add marriage to that. I was just hormonal and letting the jealousy get ahead of me. In truth, I'd probably always question a proposal from Dimitri if he did it right now. Would he only ask because of the baby? It was better to just worry about that down the road and be happy for my best friend now.

She gave me a guilty look and mumbled under her breath.

"Excuse me?" I asked, dryly. "I must have misinterpreted that mumble because I could have sworn you just said in Boston." I emphasized the name in mock disgust."Which is ridiculous because that was three weeks ago and there is no way my best friend would keep such a secret from me for so long. Am I right?"

The guilty expression only deepened. I sighed. "Liss why didn't you tell me?" I demanded. I wasn't trying to come across as hurt but I was, just a little. I'd always assumed she'd come running to me straight from the proposal, not sit on it for three weeks.

"I wanted to," she said, "and I planned on it when it first happened. But then we got back and found out about the attack…." she trailed off sadly. "I didn't think it was the right time to make the announcement. Everyone was so sad and scared and I didn't want my engagement to be tainted by that."

I understood. In her shoes I wouldn't want to deliver what was supposed to be such good news—highly anticipated news for the older loyalists who thought her live-in boyfriend was a sin of the highest caliber—to be overshadowed or forever linked with such tragedy.

I reached out and pulled her into a crushing hug.

"I'm so happy for you," I whispered into her hair, and knew that, jealously or not, I truly was.

She held onto me tightly for a few more moments before pulling away, sniffling slightly. "Thanks."

"Well," I said, leaning back on the bench and settling in for a long conversation. "When is this thing going to happen…."

We talked for another hour on the bench as she spilled every hope she had for the ceremony, fears over too little or too big of a ceremony, the guest list, when she wanted it and what dress she dreamed of. It was nice to spend some time just talking like old friends who didn't have to worry about the larger world around them.

When the sun climbed its way above the tree line I finally called it quits. Lissa was already beginning to show fatigue from the now direct rays.

We headed back to her living quarters, guardians following at a discrete distance once more. We'd broken free of the gardens and were crossing through a covered breezeway when a flash of silver caught my eye. At first I thought it was the sunlight glinting off of the ring Lissa now proudly wore but I quickly realized it wasn't.

I let out a cry of warning and grabbed Lissa by the back of her blazer, throwing her to the ground just as the knife slashed through the air where she'd been standing. I knocked the downward sweep askew, redirecting it from Lissa's now prone back and to my arm.

I felt the biting sting of the blade connecting with my left arm but ignored it, instead bringing my right arm around to catch the blade as it retreated, red droplets of blood—my blood—arching from it, and grabbed the wielders wrist.

I realized then that the unknown assailant was a Moroi man a littler older than I. There was a split second of stillness as we locked arms and wills, and then I had to make a decision.

He was taller than me but he was Moroi. He was weaker. However, my left arm was substantially weakened by whatever damage his knife had done and my center of gravity was off due to the baby I carried. If I deflected his blow downward he'd either catch Lissa who was struggling to get out of the way, or my own stomach. If I deflected to the side he'd catch me in the throat.

Which really only left one option.

The whole attack had taken less than three seconds to reach this point. Daniel and Alistair, Lissa's trailing guards, were rushing up the breezeway at top speed but they would be too late to stop the motion I already felt building in my opponents muscles.

And in that split second I made a decision.

It was this Moroi's life or my own.

I forced the knife wielding hand down and under. The Moroi was caught by surprise at this motion and didn't put up a defense as the knife slipped under his ribs and into his chest.

I let go of him and he dropped just as the cavalry arrived.

"How the hell did this happen?" Dimitri demanded of Alistair and Daniel as soon as he entered the infirmary, a blur of angry Russian and guardian black and white.

While Lissa had been quick to heal the sizable stab wound on my upper bicep we'd both been rushed to the infirmary to be checked out for further damage. Someone had sent for Dimitri at his post at the gates and it had taken him all of fifteen minutes to get to the infirmary.

And he was livid.

He stalked up to my cot and quickly caught hold of my chin, turning my head from side to side in his rapid assessment of my health.

"Comrade, relax," I said in my best attempt to be soothing while my cheeks were squished together between his large fingers. "I'm fine, Lissa's fine. Everything is okay."

"And do you realize how lucky that is?" he demanded, dropping his hold on my face. He pointed to the blood that had dried down my arm. "Six inches to the right and you'd be dead." His face was a mask of rage but beneath that I could see the truth. He was scared. He'd been told there was an attack and he'd immediately thought the worst. A lot had been happening to me lately to put me in the infirmary but I was fully aware that each time I ended up here it put Dimitri though similar pains.

"I didn't say it couldn't have ended badly," I reasoned, trying to lighten the mood as he continued his inspection, reaching out to shift my body this way and that in order to inspect all angles. "Only that it didn't." I was very lucky indeed that it had ended as well as it had, though I was upset that the Moroi man had died. Not that I was overly sympathetic for his cause or life choices but I'd have liked to talk to him. I'd like to ask him why he opposed Lissa so much when she did so much good. I'd ask him why he thought violence was the answer. And above all I'd ask him why he had taken such a risk when his faction was already obviously making plans for Lissa's demise.

I shared my thoughts as the rest of Lissa's guardian detail arrived with Hans in tow. "What I am more concerned with is why the Moroi dissidents decided to attack Lissa in person when we all know they've got other plans in the works with Marlen."

"Maybe not all of the dissidents consult each other," Alistair proposed, leaving his perch near the door to come stand by Lissa as a new team member took his place. "There is likely more than one group out there, though I'd expect them to be aware of each other in such a small place as Court."

"Maybe all the rebels do know each other," Daniel suggested, also relinquishing his position to another team member as he accompanied my mother to my side. She immediately joined Dimitri in his careful inspection as Daniel continued. "But maybe Lord Ivashkov hasn't shared his plans with others. I'm sure even extremists have limits."

"Do we even know who the Moroi was?" Lissa asked, directing her question to Hans. "Did he have connections to known nonconformists? Connections to Lord Ivashkov in particular?"

"His name was Raoul Jennings," Hans informed us, looking thoroughly harassed. His job was a tough one but nobody could deny that his workload had increased significantly over the past several months. "A member of the Drozdov family on his mothers side. He lives outside Milwaukee and stands to lose his guardians under the queens new proposal for guardian allotment. He arrived at Court three days ago but he visits frequently. He has a second home here."

"He's shown up around the gym a few times," Christians voice startled me. Dimitri and my mom had finally concluded their appraisal of me and settled on either side of my cot. I'd been fixated on Hans' words and Dimitri's warm hand on my thigh and hadn't noticed him enter the room. He was sweaty and wearing his workout shorts so I knew he'd been at the gym when news of the attack reached him. Christian walked swiftly to Lissa's side and kissed her before continuing. "He makes a nuisance of himself a few times a month, rambling about lowering ourselves to doing servant labor and dirtying our blood but he's never been violent. Until now." His face darkened severely as he glanced back at Lissa's dishevel appearance. "If I'd known he was capable of this I'd have set his ass on fire long ago."

Lissa reached out and clasped his wrist in light admonition.

"The question now is, where do we go from here?" Lissa's soft question rang through the room.

"We're at a dead end," I admitted somewhat bitterly. "All our leads have turned up nothing and we have nothing new to go on." I ran a hand over the swell of my stomach, both taking comfort in the large curve and worrying about it. It wouldn't be too long now until the baby was here and I didn't want my son coming into the middle of this mess.

"We retrace our steps," Dimitri said, reaching out to still my hand as it made a third circuit over my belly. "Start over and see what we missed."

"Then were do we start?" my mother asked.

"We question the one person we know is against Lissa and was in guardian building when this all started."