Author's Note: Thanks again for the wonderful reviews. It is fantastic to read your thoughts!
***Italics indicate a flashback for Daryl
****Bold italics indicate a dream for Daryl
Song for the Chapter: Lean on Me - Bill Withers
A Better Man
Summary: After Carol's death, Daryl makes a desperate wish to save her. Suddenly, he finds himself back in the quarry, staring as she and her daughter cower in the shadow of her husband. With all of his memories of the future intact, can Daryl change life as he knows it?
Disclaimer: From here on out, I do not own The Walking Dead or any of its characters.
Song that goes with the chapter: I'll Follow You by Shinedown
Chapter 35: Sharing the Load
Carl, Sophia, Casey, Paris, Beth, Jimmy, and Lily were shut up in the various vehicles, very much excluded from the conversation at hand. Rick was standing in the middle of the large circle of fifteen adults.
"I never got a vote," Shane commented, leaning against his car, his eyes on Daryl.
"That's because you shot someone!" Amy snapped viciously, "Daryl hasn't done anything to anyone and you're suggesting that we disarm our strongest member!"
"Daryl's been involved in the majority of the fights around here and he's had several physical altercations with the new folks," Shane responded with a shrug, "He's a ticking time-bomb and I believe it's only a matter of time before he hurts somebody. I'm concerned for the safety of this group."
"Daryl has done more to keep this group safe than anyone-"
"Carol, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I reckon you're a little biased considering you agreed to marry the guy," Shane dismissed Carol's argument.
"Then how about I make that argument?" Jacqui shot at him, "You can't deny what he's done for Amy, Sophia, Lily, Rick, Carol-"
"And what about the barn? He was MIA then," Shane said, not realizing everybody present groaned as he brought up that old argument, "He's fought with me. He's the reason Lori was in that accident-"
"Lori got into that accident 'cause she couldn't wait a few hours for Rick, Hershel, and Glenn to get back!" Daryl protested.
"Then he beats the shit out of Randall-"
"Let's not forget who fuckin' killed Randall!" Daryl reminded him.
"He's also been in how many fights with Charlie. He was hostile to Derrick. He threatened to put Paris, a child, outside with the walkers," Shane recounted, "I don't think we can trust him with a weapon. Hell, look at the progress I've made without one."
"I've never used a weapon on anyone here," Daryl growled, "I've never shot nobody and I've never drawn a weapon on nobody. Rick's pointed his gun at me a couple times. Shane fuckin' shot me."
"We'll put it to a vote," Rick decided, repeating what he said earlier, "I want to see where everyone's head is at."
"So we're deciding if we should disarm Daryl?" Dale clarified, his voice incredulous, "Why would we put that to a vote? This is the man who protects us and provides for us."
"We all protect this group and we have others who can provide for us," Shane responded, "Derrick has said that he can hunt."
"We vote," Rick said firmly, "All in favour of disarming Daryl, raise your hands."
Four hands went up and Daryl wasn't the least bit surprised to see that Shane, Charlie, Derrick, and Erin wanted him to lay down his arms. Lori was looking between Shane and Rick, wondering what to do as her husband was not voting and as her closest ally was.
"Are you kidding me?" Shane demanded, "Daryl has proven that he doesn't care about anybody aside from his family! Hell, I'd bet he'd sacrifice any one of us for his niece. Think of your families! People you want to protect!"
Lori finally raised her hand. Five people wanted Daryl to give up his weapons. Though Daryl had expected the first four votes, the last one hurt seeing as how Daryl had went through hell for Lil' Asskicker in the future.
"Daryl keeps his weapons," Rick decided.
"This is insane," Shane griped.
"This is what's happening, Shane," Rick said, "The group decided."
Shane glared, "Alright. So why don't we talk about his influence on this group," he suggested, "You saw what Sophia did to Paris."
"Sophia did that because that little brat wouldn't leave her alone," Daryl snapped in defence of his kid.
"You know, she used to be such a nice kid," Shane goaded, "Ever since you got involved, she's been more hot-headed, callin' grown-ups assholes and punching other kids in the face."
Daryl felt Carol at his side, moving in front of him and glaring daggers at Shane.
"You keep my daughter out of this!" she snapped.
"You would think you would be a little more concerned about the influence that redneck has on my cousin!" Charlie snarled.
"That man is the reason your cousin is alive and he's a much better father to her than your uncle ever was!" Carol cried. Charlie made a move to step forward, but Rick fought to maintain order.
"Enough!" Rick shouted, "This is getting us nowhere! I am sick of this! Derrick, Charlie, Erin, and their siblings are part of our group now and whatever reservations people have, they need to swallow them. As for the newcomers, they need to remember that this group has accepted them and they need to show a little gratitude for it!"
T-Dog let out a whistle, cutting this meeting short. The group then noticed the herd coming their way and swiftly moved back to their vehicles. The caravan moved forward into what looked like an ice storm, a wonderful gift from the Georgia sky to close out December. Once again Daryl found himself in the RV with Dale, Miguel, Amy, Carol, Sophia, and Lily.
"That son-of-a-bitch!" Amy exploded as Dale eased the RV onto the road, "He had no right to even imply that you were dangerous!"
Daryl said nothing, just flopping down into the passenger's seat and listening to her vent. He had expected some kind of roadside gathering and he was not disappointed.
"What happened?" Sophia questioned, looking over at all of the adults in the room. Carol was cradling Lily to her after the baby reacted to Amy's expletive-filled rant and hesitated slightly to answer her daughter's question.
"Shane was throwin' accusations at your papa," Miguel answered truthfully, "Nothin' for you to worry about, Chica."
"Is everything okay?" Sophia wondered, looking between Carol and Daryl.
"Just fine, Rabbit," Daryl mumbled, "Ain't nothin' but a thing."
"Maybe Miguel and Amy will take you and Lily in the back to play cards or checkers or something," Carol suggested, very subtly hinting that she wished for Sophia to be distracted.
"Sure," Miguel grinned, "If the lovely ladies will accompany me to the back, I will whip their backsides at crazy eights."
Miguel then took the baby from Carol and led the way to the back. The nice thing about Miguel was that he was very easy-going, especially once he learned that he did not need to be on guard and impress people the way he had been forced to with the Vatos. He was always willing to entertain the kids with silly jokes and different games.
This left Daryl with Carol and Dale and he was well aware that they would be discussing the meeting.
"You know that isn't going to be the last time Shane pushes against you, Daryl," Dale said as he drove, "Even if the rest of us are on your side. I've been saying it all along; Shane has not let anything go. He's just been collecting cards under the table and biding his time before he slips them into his hand."
"Have you said anything to Rick about that?" Carol asked the old man, frowning as she put her hand on Daryl's shoulder to steady herself as the vehicle rolled down the road.
"Rick's been spending the last three months focused on rehabilitating Shane," Dale sighed, "Anytime anyone questions it, Rick is quick to defend Shane. He won't hear a word against him."
"That's the impression I got," Daryl agreed, "It's like he's got blinders on."
"Mmhmm," Carol made a noise between agreement and distaste, "Blinders named Lori Grimes," Carol muttered. Shane being alive complicated several other things aside from Rick and Daryl's friendship; it also put a noticeable strain on Lori and Carol's relationship. In the other timeline, with Shane dead and Rick distant, Lori had turned to Carol as her closest ally. They were both mothers, even if one of them had lost her child. Carol had been just as concerned for Carl and the baby, seeing the new life growing in Lori as a new hope for all of them. Now, there was obvious tension between the two women, mostly owing to the conflict between Carol's partner and Lori's ex-lover, but a good chunk of it came from Lori doing all she could to convince her husband to keep her other protector around.
"Lori is a big part of it," Dale allowed, "Her relationship with Rick and Shane is more than a little mindboggling right now. She's rarely outside of their company. If she's not with one, she's with the other."
"And that is Lori Grimes in a nutshell," Daryl grumbled.
"I can't believe she voted against you," Carol growled protectively.
Daryl snorted, "Won't pretend that felt good considering I feed her kids. Shane's fuckin' with everythin'."
Dale observed Daryl for a long moment, frowning as he mulled over the words. Then he presented a question, "What's going to happen if Shane continues on his campaign? Or worse, if he tries another attempt on Daryl's life? To make matters worse, he's been close to the newcomers, who are clearly not fond of you two."
"We have talked about that," Carol admitted with a sigh.
"If we have to, we'll take the kids and go," Daryl revealed to the old man.
"You'd leave?" Dale asked, blinking, "What about the group? You're both important members of the group! You have roles to play!"
"Nothin's set in stone yet," Daryl assured him, "We're still here for the group, but if it comes down to it, we ain't stayin' with people tryin' to hurt us."
"We've got our girls to think about," Carol added, "As much as we love the group, we have to think about them."
Dale nodded, but he looked mildly horrified at the thought of losing Daryl and Carol by their choice. Instead he focused on the road in silence. Daryl had the presence of mind to believe that this conversation was not over and that if he let himself be alone with Dale, he would be pulled into a very different conversation, perhaps one with more of Dale's theories.
The caravan pressed on into the night, a risky move, however winter gave them a new sort of lease on life. Walkers were slowed by the cold weather, either by their blood freezing or by the terrain in general. Ice caused havoc for the walkers, often creating amusing sights of the decayed bodies flopping uselessly on roadways like fish on land. If the caravan took it slow, they could safely make time in the dark. Daryl had switched Dale for the driving position and it hadn't taken long for Carol and the kids to succumb to exhaustion. Dale opted to stay up, waiting for that moment to catch Daryl alone.
"I understand why you're reluctant to tell me about whatever it is that you know," Dale whispered, surprising Daryl slightly when the older man finally spoke, "You're afraid that I'll reveal your secret. You're afraid that it will make you sound crazy."
Daryl opted to stay absolutely silent, steadfastly ignoring the declaration. Dale sighed.
"I've be patient, Son. I've given you your space and time, but now I need answers," he said, "If what you know could help the group, then it's your responsibility to help and since I know that you can help the group, then it's my responsibility to help you. If you're planning on leaving the group, you should tell me what you know so I can help. Share the load."
Daryl stayed silent, now gnawing on his thumb as he concentrated on the road. In truth, what Dale said made sense. If he and Carol left the group, it would be good for someone to have Daryl's knowledge.
"I don't have to tell anyone," Dale prodded, "Isn't there anything you would like to talk about? Get off your chest?"
In truth, there was a shitload of stuff Daryl would like to get off his chest. He would like to admit that he missed his treks into the dream world because he missed his big brother. He would like to say that he was on edge most of the time because he was terrified that he would fuck something up. He wanted to vent on the changing dynamics of the group with the new additions and even lament on his lost friendship with Rick. He wanted to say that he was damn scared because all of these changes would surely change the course of the future and his way forward was no longer certain. He wasn't entirely sure how to get it back on track, either.
"Dixons don't talk," Daryl growled, contrary to his inner desire to unload all of his burdens.
"Then how about we compromise?" Dale suggested, "I'll talk and you shake or nod your head."
Daryl shrugged, signalling the start of a very weird conversation.
"Was I right before when I said that you know what's going to happen and you're trying to change it?" Dale tried out his first question, anxiously watching Daryl's silhouette in the darkened vehicle.
After a long, tense moment, Daryl bowed his head, nodding in confirmation.
"And you've already changed some things, haven't you, Son?" Dale wondered.
Daryl nodded again.
"Was I supposed to die?" Dale asked.
Daryl nodded.
"Was Amy? Sophia?"
Daryl nodded twice.
"Shane?" Dale asked softly.
Daryl glanced over at him and nodded.
"So he's not supposed to be alive," Dale commented, "I suppose that's causing more problems for you than just the obvious ones."
Daryl nodded to both counts. Dale was silent for a moment, choosing his next question.
"Did Andrea survive that night on the farm?"
Daryl nodded his head. Dale let out a sigh of relief.
"That's a relief. No wonder you seemed so sure when you were consoling Amy that night after the farm," he stated, "Will we see her again?"
Daryl bit his lip, considering it. In the original timeline, they would, but now everything was so fucked up. He spoke for the first time, telling Dale as much, "Everythin's fucked up now. Shane and them new ones…we weren't ever supposed to run into 'em."
"What was supposed to happen?" Dale wondered, apparently abandoning his 'yes or no' questions in favour of something that would get Daryl to talk. Daryl was silent for a moment before he spoke.
"You was supposed to die the night we had that meetin' 'bout Randall. Jimmy, Shane, and Patricia were all supposed to die the night the farm got overrun. Rick was supposed to lead us around for eight months. These past three have been a hell of a lot easier than they were supposed to be," Daryl explained in a low voice, mindful of those sleeping in the back, "We didn't have the RV; it burned up on the farm. We also didn't get to the storage units 'til about February. We was never supposed to run into them new ones."
Dale frowned, observing, "You talk like you've lived it all before."
"I have," Daryl confirmed grimly, his hands tense on the wheel.
"What happened?" Dale asked, fascinated.
"Wish I knew," Daryl admitted, "One minute I was three years into the future. The next, I was back at the quarry starin' at a bunch of people I knew to be dead. Beats the ever livin' fuck outta me."
"So you found yourself back in the quarry and decided to save us?" Dale asked, "That's a really noble thing-"
"Was selfish at first," Daryl corrected, thinking back, "At the beginnin', I fucked up a lot. Couldn't get to Merle in time. Couldn't warn the Vatos. Got there too late to keep Amy from bein' bit. Couldn't save Jim," Daryl listed before he spat, "and Ed Peletier lived three more days to torment his wife and daughter."
"Not everything was in your control," Dale offered, "You're only human and there's only so much we humans can impose on the universe. Believe me, I know."
Daryl grunted. Dale smiled reassuringly and patted Daryl on the back, causing the younger man to flinch slightly.
"Son, the way I see it is that you've got nothing to be ashamed about. You did the best with what you knew. You saved Amy's life. How did you know to amputate?" Dale wondered, steering the topic away from Daryl's regrets from the early days.
"Hershel was bit on the leg. Rick amputated it and the old man made a full recovery. Even rigged himself a metal leg," Daryl chuckled, "That old bastard'll outlive us all."
Dale smiled now, clearly pleased with Daryl's better mood and asked another question in hopes of keeping with Daryl's good mood, "You and Carol…how long have you two been together?"
Daryl shifted uncomfortably, "About a year," he responded shortly. Dale frowned and seemed to realize that talk of Carol's future was going to lead them into some swampy territory.
"What about Lily? You seem good with her," Dale tried. Daryl sighed.
"She was another one that weren't supposed to make it. Before all this I never knew she existed," he answered.
"Then how did you know to find her?" Dale asked, his brow furrowed.
"I have dreams," Daryl confessed, "Merle…he's been givin' me advice, kinda like an off kilter guardian angel or some shit. He told me to go to Barksdale."
Daryl wasn't about to admit that future Carol was also in those dreams. That was his own secret.
"That's really incredible," Dale breathed, "What else does he say?"
Daryl scoffed, "Honestly? Mostly he gives me shit for one thing or another. 'Cept now the dreams have stopped. In the last one, he told me that my way wasn't clear no more. Said that all these changes are makin' it hard for him to give me advice."
Dale nodded, accepting that fact, and asked, "Do you ever see him again…in real life?"
Daryl nodded in the affirmative, "Dumb bastard's holed up in a town with one dangerous fuck. If things go right, I'll see him in a few months."
"Why not now? Why not go to him if you know where he is?" Dale asked. Daryl frowned and considered leading the group to Woodbury. They could play happy town, but what happened when they all started drinking the Governor's koolaid? He couldn't imagine the shit they'd be in if Shane and Phillip joined forces.
"If we go to that town, we'd all be in danger," Daryl replied grimly, chuckling, "Shane…Shane's small time compared to the Governor."
"The Governor?" Dale repeated, his eyebrow's shooting up in amusement.
"The guy that runs the town," Daryl answered, "He's sick. Kills other groups, military, and takes their supplies. Keeps walker heads in jars next to his walker daughter. He even killed his own people in cold blood. He…" Daryl broke off, stealing himself, "He killed Merle. Andrea too."
"Andrea's dead?" Dale asked, his grin fading.
"She will be if she runs into him and stays in the town," Daryl sighed, willing the image of his dying friend from his mind.
"Why'd you let her go then?" Dale wondered, "If she's going to die-"
"She had to go off on her own," Daryl cut across him, "See, she's gonna meet someone…a good friend…out in the forest. Woman named Michonne. She's a hell of a fighter and someone we want on our side."
"But if Andrea dies…"
"If things work out right, maybe she won't," Daryl said, rubbing his eyes, "Hell, you and Amy might be the key to savin' her. Last time she was so hell-bent on savin' us all, our group and the Governor's town. She was tryin' to keep a war from breakin' out. The Governor was fixin' to attack us and when she tried to warn us, he caught her. He cuffed her to a chair and put her in a room with a walker. She fought it off, but she got bit. By the time Rick, Michonne, and I got there, she was dyin'."
"And how do we stop that?" Dale asked, heartbroken at the thought of someone he loved dying that way.
"We move forward," Daryl answered, "We do our damndest to be in the right spot at the right time and hope like hell that we can do something to change it."
"Is that what you do?" Dale wondered. Daryl nodded.
"Yeah. That's what I do," he said, "It's all I can do."
"I'll help you, Son," Dale offered, "And this…your secret is safe with me."
0
It was almost like an imaginary weight had lifted from Daryl's shoulders after he unburdened himself on Dale. Of course, Daryl still shouldered the brunt of it, but at the same time, it was kind of nice being able to speak about it. Of course, there were some things that Daryl refused to share with the older man. Carol was one of those things, mostly because out of all of the deaths he had suffered, that one hit him the hardest. He had enough trouble controlling himself just thinking about that day in the future. Talking about it was out of the question. He did talk a little bit about her, though they were innocent stories, like the time that she had charged him with babysitting Lil' Asskicker or how she was a walker-killing machine. He also skimmed over details of Rick's breakdown following Lori's death, figuring he didn't need to fuel anymore distrust for Rick. Then, of course, there was the incident with the illness that swept the prison that he just preferred not to think about.
Dale assured Daryl that he would not break his word. The older man understood the importance of keeping silent as a means of protecting the group and protecting Daryl. One of Daryl's biggest fears was that when this was all over, he would be charged with blame for those he couldn't save. Dale understood that not everyone would be as sympathetic to Daryl's plight and recognized what a burden future knowledge was. Though Daryl skimmed over specifics, Dale still had a working knowledge of the future and had realized from Daryl's own cautionary tales about Ed, the storage units, and Shane that changing the future could be risky business and it was best that the others remain in the dark.
Through confiding in Dale, though, Daryl felt a little less terrified about the unknown direction his course would take. Of course he was still wary of the newcomers and any changes to his direction, but he felt more equipped to handle it.
Or so he thought.
He had no idea that one week from now, disaster would strike the group and that two weeks after that, his entire world would be blown apart.
TBC
So Shane is an asshole and he will continue to be one in the coming chapters. At least Dale has Daryl's back :)
Next chapter: A fatal error leaves the group to deal with more than just a dead body.
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