A/N: MariahajilE and Layathomemom make my words readable and keep me sane. Literally. Like, Kardashian literally.
In other news, RT convention was amazing. I got to meet amazing authors, and even some of my own readers!
So, here it is, guys. Bang, Bang. That one chapter we've all been waiting for. We're at the top of the rollercoaster now, babies. Please be kind to me on the way down.
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I knew I wanted to be a mother the moment I saw my husband hold our nephew.
I'd experienced an inkling of the feeling months prior on the island, but it wasn't until that moment that I knew.
Actually, it wasn't even about wanting to be a mother. It was about wanting to bring Edward's child into the world, to create a life with him.
I guess the feeling had been slowly growing in me. At first, it was just a realization that the thought of it didn't scare the shit out of me anymore. My heart actually found the idea endearing, even though my brain still mocked me. But the moment Emmett passed that wiggling, gurgling nine-pound and two-ounce bundle over to a grinning Edward, my heart melted. All logic dissipated.
It was instinct.
It was love.
Shockingly, my husband was a natural at holding a baby. I would've expected him to be awkward and nervous, but just as expertly as he did everything else in life, he cradled and gently rocked the baby boy back and forth with finesse.
I was vaguely aware of Emmett, Kate, and Edward all speaking to each other, but I couldn't tell you anything they were saying. My attention was solely focused on the sight before me as my husband nuzzled his nephew, placing a gentle kiss on his wispy baby hair.
It was heartwarming, and it rocked my world.
The longer I watched him, the tighter and tighter my chest felt. I never would've expected to be so shaken by that experience, but I guess, in hindsight, it makes sense. I was so used to the stoic, controlling side of my husband when I watched him from the sidelines, so to speak. He was only gentle with me. I experienced that side of him in the moment, but to see it from an outside perspective was something else entirely. If seeing this was hitting me this hard, I could only imagine what it would be like to see Edward actually holding our own creation in his strong arms.
A piece of me and a piece of him melded together.
A physical manifestation of our non-negotiable love.
Our baby would be half Edward, and that meant more of him to love.
"Bella, did you hear me?"
"Wh-what?" I sputtered, attempting to blink away my stunned daze.
"I said, don't you think he looks like Emmett?"
I stepped closer to him to peer down at the tiny person in his arms, who was a perfect combination of his parents.
"I think he looks like both of them."
"He definitely has Emmett's size," Kate snorted from the bed.
Completely unequipped to handle the sight of the love of my life holding and cooing over an infant, much less the unexpected desires of motherhood it sent surging through me, I turned my attention to Kate.
"Yeah, no joke," I agreed. "I have to tell you that you look damn good for just pushing out a nine-pound baby!"
Maybe the joys of motherhood were masking her exhaustion, but her smile was radiant.
"Nine pounds and two ounces, thank you very much!" she laughed. "Em, can you help me with these pillows?"
Emmett, the doting father and partner, rushed to her side to help her with whatever she needed to make her more comfortable. Amid their distraction, Edward nudged me with his elbow and shot me an amused smirk when I looked up at him.
"Aren't you glad you'll never have to push one of these things out?"
It knocked the wind out of me. It was like some sick joke from the universe that he would say something like that at that moment, right after my startling epiphany. Of course, I already knew his feelings on the matter. But really? That moment?
When I didn't respond and just gaped up at him, his teasing smirk slowly melted into a confused stare.
"What?" he asked, his eyebrows pulling together.
I swallowed, desperately trying to choke back the bitter taste rising in my throat.
"Nothing."
It was his turn to swallow thickly, and when his eyes narrowed slightly as his gaze searched mine, I quickly looked away.
I wonder sometimes if he knew. There'd been that flicker of fear in his eyes back in Belize when I'd argued that babies weren't so bad. Maybe he remembered it. Maybe not. Maybe he saw it in my eyes in the hospital that day. Maybe he didn't. If he did, he didn't say anything. Neither did I.
Not that day, at least. I knew I'd have to be honest with him at some point. Honesty was part of the vows we'd spoken to each other, after all, and I was determined to follow them devoutly. But that day wasn't the day to bring it up. That day was all about Lucas Carlisle Cullen, and for the time being, I was content to pour my love into him.
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We didn't linger at the hospital long, wanting to give the new family time to rest. It was still early for dinner, but we were hungry. So we decided to make a date out of it, and go for drinks and appetizers at a cute little Italian café, where we sat outside and soaked up the gorgeous, just-on-the-cusp-of-fall weather.
I somehow managed to push my thoughts of emerald-eyed babies to the back of my mind, wanting to just focus on the time we had to spend together. After a crazy week, it was much needed and very much enjoyed. We held hands across the table and stared at each other with hearts in our eyes. He made me try snails and kissed away my giggles as I choked it down, put off by the texture.
Bliss.
Everything after returning from our month in Belize was bliss. Our anniversary, Edward's birthday, and everything between were perfection.
Our love came so easy.
It was as if every moment of my life spent not loving Edward was spent repressing something inside of me. Something natural. Something I was born to do.
But that didn't mean we didn't work for it. Every day, we worked to better ourselves for each other, and that made all the difference. Every single thing we did, every decision we made, was with the other person in mind first. And that had proven to go a long way.
Every vow spoken on our beach, we held dear.
We lived by them like commandments.
And in loving Edward, I'd become a better person.
Everything was falling into place for us. Edward had completely stopped practicing law and was strictly focusing on his investments, particularly on the casino project. His success was my success, and I didn't even bat an eyelash to the amount of time he was spending with Rosalie because of it. In fact, Rosalie had contributed to my own personal success just as much as she'd contributed to my husband's. She'd helped me score my dream internship, and through that, I'd already made some awesome connections; the most valuable of which being a woman in the process of creating a foundation for youth survivors of sexual abuse. A topic obviously very near to my heart, I was over the moon when she invited me to work with her.
Between the internship, the foundation, and slaving my way through my very last semester of college, I was arguably even busier than Edward. In fact, our schedules were aligned now in a way they'd never been before. So while I was busier than I'd ever been, it was the little moments we were able to capture together that really counted.
Every day, we woke up before the sun to work out together. It wasn't all me molding to Edward's routine, though. He'd met me in the middle. We set our alarm at 6am instead of 5am. And admittedly, sometimes our 'work out' was nothing more than staying in bed to exercise between the sheets together.
But old habits die hard, and I still missed the days when I could sleep in or enjoy a mid-morning nap. With my internship taking up my afternoons, I no longer had the luxury of scheduling my classes later in the day to cater to my laziness. I had to pick the earliest classes I could, and that meant leaving the house at the same time, if not even earlier, than Edward. There were silver linings, though. Post-workout showers and breakfasts together made the whole thing a lot sweeter.
We were still the same hopeless, clueless, tragically-flawed lovers. But we were different as individuals, better. We'd changed each other. And because of it, life was changing, too.
As if I didn't have enough on my plate, I'd started working with a decorator to change things up a bit at the house. I could tell living amongst the small renovations irked Edward's compulsive need for everything to be neat and orderly at all times, but he didn't say a word about it. Love made it okay, I guess.
It – love − was there. All the time. Even with our new, more hectic schedules, love was still there in all the little things. Edward still made my chocolatey coffee for me every morning; it was just now in a to-go cup.
And now, next to love stood pride. It was there in Edward's eyes every time he looked at me. Nothing had ever made me feel as good as when my husband gave me that look. It sparkled in his emeralds every time I told him about a good grade I'd gotten or everything I'd worked on at my internship that day. It was there when he walked in to the room when I met my new friends about the foundation. It was there when we'd lock eyes in the mirror during a workout. It was there in every quick kiss before I hurriedly darted out the door in the morning.
It was the good kind of busy. It was the kind of busy that made me feel productive, like I was actually doing something with my life. It was a vast difference from months ago when I'd wasted so much of my time getting high with Holly, and I never realized how much all of that'd been weighing me down until I finally let it go.
It was the kind of busy that brought me closer to my resolve of being the type of wife Edward deserved instead of whining about it.
It was the kind of busy that made me giddy with appreciation over a quick date with the love of my life.
It was the kind of love that had me staring at him with a silly grin on my face the whole way home.
"Have I told you lately how crazy in love with you I am?"
He glanced over at me, and a smirk slowly pulled at his lips as he reached up to scratch at his jaw.
"Yeah, I think so."
"You think so?" I scoffed.
"Yeah, I think sometime this morning between 'Fuck me harder!' and 'Oh, fuck! Right there.'"
I laughed, shaking my head at him.
"You should know better than to try to embarrass me, babe. I don't get embarrassed."
"Oh, really?" he challenged through a bark of laughter. "You sure you wanna go there? I'm pretty sure I can think of couple things that might embarrass you."
"Nope. I'm an open book, Joe."
He frowned, giving me a confused look as he pulled up the drive and my car slowly rolled to a stop.
"Joe? Who's Joe?"
"It's an expression."
"It is?"
"I think so."
He didn't respond to that. He just shook his head as he climbed out of the tiny car, his long limbs springing free like a daddy long legs climbing out of a tiny hole. And because after two years and three months of marriage he was just as gentlemanly as he ever was, he darted around the front of the car to open my door before I even had my seatbelt undone.
"Thanks," I said to him with a smile as I stood, brushing against him. "And back to your original point, I wouldn't remember. After you did in fact hit right there, everything else was just a blur."
With a sexy grin, he stepped closer to me until my back was against the car.
"Are you trying to turn me on, Mrs. Cullen?"
Moving my hair out of the way, he dipped his head to kiss my neck, and I sighed contently.
"You started it."
"If you can't remember, I'd be more than happy to take you upstairs and remind you."
I closed my eyes just briefly, my breath hitching when I felt his tongue against the skin of my neck, but was quickly distracted when I opened them again and they immediately fell on the green Chevy across the driveway.
"What's Cece still doing here?"
"What?"
He pulled his head up to look at me and followed my gaze to the vehicle I stared at.
"I called and told her we were going out. I thought she'd be gone by now."
He shrugged, unbothered, and took my hand.
"Let's go see."
"Maybe she just wanted to wait for us so she could hear all about the baby."
"I'm sure that's it."
But that wasn't it. And I shouldn't have been surprised. Things were too good and had been for too long to continue uninterrupted with heartache.
"Cece?" I called out as Edward closed the front door behind us.
"I think I hear her in the kitchen."
I kicked off my shoes and followed Edward as we turned the corner to find Cece unloading the dishwasher.
"You're back," she said with surprise, smiling at us. "I thought you'd be longer."
"And I thought you'd be long gone," I laughed, going to help her.
"Well, I decided to make you some dessert."
"You didn't have to do that," Edward answered as he emptied his pockets onto the counter.
"I wanted to. I just finished icing it before you walked in."
She gestured over to the table to a beautiful cake I hadn't noticed before.
"Mmm!" I walked over to it, peering down at the tiered cake sitting on a glass stand. "This looks delicious, Cece!"
"It's Italian crème," she answered, looking pointedly at my husband, who groaned in appreciation.
Edward wasn't a big sweets person, but he loved Cece's Italian crème cake.
Until then, however, she'd only made it on special occasions.
"What's the occasion?" I asked, trying not to sound overly suspicious.
Her tight smile gave her away. I didn't know what exactly she had to tell us, but I knew there was something.
"You have a new baby in the family," she answered after a pause. "Tell me about him."
"He's big," Edward answered as he took down three plates from the cabinet. "And he looks just like my brother."
"And how is mommy?"
"She seems really happy. They both do."
"That's so nice to hear," Cece answered warmly.
I didn't partake in this conversation. I sat myself down at the table and stared at Cece, trying to decide if I was buying her simple explanation of the special occasion cake or if I should listen to my gut, which was telling me there was something more to it.
I sat at the table and silently waited it out, trying not to imagine the worst.
There's a lot to be said for women's intuition.
"I'm going to get some milk from the other refrigerator," Cece announced, avoiding the eye contact of my stare as she slipped through the door into the garage.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked, placing the plates down on the table.
"I don't know yet."
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't know yet."
He was still giving me a crazy look when Cece came back in, placing a carton of milk on the table. Edward handed me the cake server, and I went about cutting three slices, but I kept an eye on Cece. Her pursed lips and fidgety gestures as she reached for three glasses made me nervous. There was definitely something on her mind. And me being me, I was unwilling to wait to find out what it was.
"Do you have something to tell us, Cece?" I finally asked as I plopped the third piece of cake down on its plate.
Edward shot me a look as I slid his plate to him. I didn't worry I was coming across as rude. Cece knew me better than that. She was more like a mother to me than my own.
"Well," she finally answered after too long of a pause. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about."
It was my turn to shoot a look at Edward.
I knew it.
"Here. Sit," Edward said, taking the glasses from her and setting them down before he pulled a chair out for her.
I slowly slid a plate toward her as she sat down across from me.
"What is it?" I asked.
She took a deep breath, and then I did the same.
"You both know that a lot of my family lives in California."
"Yes, of course," Edward nodded, picking up his fork and diving right in to his cake.
"Well, I received some bad news today."
"Is everyone okay?" I asked at once.
"My sister's husband has been diagnosed with cancer."
Edward froze, his fork raised halfway to his mouth.
"Cece, that's terrible," he said softly. "I'm so sorry to hear that."
My heart sank. The word cancer would always make me think of my dad. I never wished that upon anyone or their loved ones.
"Thank you." She reached over to pat Edward's free hand, offering him a soft smile. "It's testicular. It's early on and very treatable."
"That's good… That's really good." I nodded, sighing with relief. "It's good they caught it early on."
"It is," she agreed. "But they have five children, and my sister is going to need helping caring for them through all of this."
"So you're going to go help her?"
She nodded slowly, and something in her eyes made my heart sink even lower.
"So we'll arrange a flight for you immediately," Edward responded quickly, clearly not picking up on what I was. "Don't worry about us. Take us much time as you need."
She didn't even look at him. She looked at me with a sadness in her eyes that told me she saw the understanding in mine. Edward started cracking a joke about us being adults and capable of taking care of ourselves for at least a little while, and I swallowed hard, knowing he was about to be crushed.
"Edward," I interjected to stop him.
"How long do you plan to stay there?" Edward asked her.
"Well…" She trailed off, clearly hesitant to answer, but she didn't break eye contact with me.
"You're not coming back, are you?"
We just looked at each other for a long time, and Edward was completely silent beside us.
"I always knew I would end up there eventually. My mother's there, and she's getting older."
"You're leaving us," I stated.
"It's where I need to be."
I couldn't fault her for it. She wanted to be with her family. She had loved ones to take care of. But at the same time, she was my family. I wanted to be with her.
The clink of Edward's fork against his plate prompted us to look at him. All interest in his cake had vanished, and I couldn't blame him. It wasn't a special occasion cake anymore. It was a heartbreak cake. She made it for us in preparation of breaking our hearts.
To someone who didn't know my husband the way I did, the way he stared at Cece would have been just a blank expression. But I saw it in his eyes.
"You're leaving me?"
It wasn't lost on me that he said 'me' and not 'us,' but I wasn't offended by it. I love Cece like a mother, but the reality was that Edward had spent far more time with her than I had. She'd been around a lot longer than me, and as heartbroken as I was, I knew it had to be even worse for him.
So, thinking of my vows on the beach to be his support system, I put my sadness aside to try to shoulder some of his. I pushed out of my chair and went to him, putting my hands on his shoulders, and I stood behind him.
I leaned over to kiss his head as I rubbed his shoulders.
"I love you," I said to him simply, not knowing what else to say.
I glanced up at Cece, who had tears in her eyes.
"Edward, my son." She took his hand in both of hers, and my heart melted at her sentiment. "You don't need me anymore." I breathed him in, using him to calm me. "When I came to you, you were a man searching for everything you needed in all the wrong places. You needed me."
"I did," he agreed. "I do."
She shook her head, smiling at him through her tear-filled eyes.
"But you don't. The woman you need now is standing right behind you."
He nodded, reaching up with his free hand to take the hand I had on his shoulder.
"But who's gonna take care of us?" I asked, resting my chin on top of Edward's head.
"You'll take care of each other now, sweet girl."
The answer was so simple. But somehow, it didn't quite take the sting out.
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The next day, Sunday, was really the only day of the week were able to lounge around. It felt good to sleep in a little bit and even better to linger in bed with Edward.
"It's not like I expected her to be around forever," Edward commented as he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger.
He lay sprawled out his back and I on my stomach, my head on his chest as I looked up at him.
"I guess I hadn't really thought about it at all. It just kinda… felt like she'd always be here, ya know?"
I scratched my nails lightly up and down his bicep, gazing up into sleepy morning eyes that only I ever saw.
"Should we hire someone else?" He paused for a moment, and I could tell by the look on his face what he was thinking before he said it. "I'm not sure how fond I am of the idea of bringing in someone else after all this time. I'm sure I'd be disappointed in comparison to her."
I nodded my agreement.
"I'm sure we both would. Cece's like a mother to us." His fingers scratched soothingly at my scalp, the way I so often did for him, and I sighed contently. "Besides, she was right. We have each other, and I wanna be the one to take care of you."
His soft smile brought one to my own lips.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I wanna take care of you, too."
I placed a kiss against his chest.
"So nobody else, then," I declared, following it up with another kiss, a little lower this time. "Just us."
"Just us," he agreed.
An even bigger smiled curved my lips against his skin as I kissed downward, toward his stomach.
"I like the sound of that…"
As I kissed my way lower and lower, I felt his abs tense beneath my lips. I felt him hardening against my chest, through his boxer briefs, and it sent a rush of satisfaction through me. Regardless of how long we'd been together or how many times I'd been with him, the thrill of turning him on never diminished. If anything, the harder I fell, the more intense it became.
With my lips at his hip, my fingers skimmed the waistline of his boxers, teasing.
"Come kiss me."
I shifted my eyes up to meet his gaze.
"You want me to kiss you?" I pulled at the front of his boxers, just enough to allow his erection to spring free. "I'll kiss you."
That sleepy smile fell right off his face, and his eyes darkened into a smoldering gaze. The change in his demeanor was immediate, and I wasn't surprised by it in the least.
As much progress as we'd made in our relationship through the recent months, we were still working at finding our footing with the new developments in our sexual relationship. In Belize, the dynamics of our struggle with oral sex had completely shifted.
When Edward had told me previously he wasn't concerned with my reciprocation, I guess I'd just assumed he was blowing smoke up my ass. I knew from when we'd discussed oral sex in terms of our contract in the very beginning that he was disappointed he wouldn't be getting any from me. But as the feelings changed between us, so did his stance on the matter. Once he knew about my past and why I'd wanted to take that off the table, he'd dropped it completely. He only pursued oral sex in terms of my pleasure, and once we'd crossed that line, he seemed perfectly content with it.
"Bella, come here."
I wrapped my hand around him, and he sucked in a gust of air.
"I'm fine right here, actually."
Letting Edward go down on me wasn't a quick fix. It didn't just make everything easy. It was still emotionally intense for me – for us − and, therefore, had only taken place during our moments of deepest intimacy.
It'd been months, and I could still count the number of times on one hand.
"Bella."
"Babe, why are you so skittish about this?"
This wasn't the first time we'd danced around the position we were in. We'd messed around. I'd had my mouth on him. But he always stopped me before things could really get going, even in Belize. I'd tried to reciprocate him pleasuring me, and he'd turned me down each time.
"You know why."
"Edward…" I sighed, sitting up.
"I can't stomach the thought of you thinking of him, of what he did to you, when you're with me like that."
I already knew his reason, but that didn't mean I accepted it.
"Edward, I don't even know he exists when I'm with you." On my hands and knees, I crawled back up, looming over him. His hands found my hips as I dipped my head down to kiss his neck, taking a moment to breathe him in. "When I'm with you, the whole world melts away."
"You didn't want this until I went down on you," he pointed out as my lips continued peppering kisses across his neck.
"Well, maybe that changed things."
"Because you feel like you owe me now?"
"No. Because I wasn't expecting the way it made me feel." I pulled back enough to look down at him, and his eyes searched mine intently. "I wasn't expecting the intimacy of it, and I want more. I want you in every way. I made a vow to you in Belize to not let fear hold me back from sharing myself with you completely. It's a two-way street."
He stared at me for a long time, pensively patient.
"I just want you to be ready, Bella, not obligated."
"I told you. I want everything with you."
He kissed me, pulling my leg over to straddle his hips, and that was the end of that conversation.
I should've pushed harder.
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It's ironic how days that change your life forever start so ordinarily.
It was a normal Tuesday for us. I slept through Edward's alarm, as usual, to instead be woken by his sleepy kisses and warm hands.
A session in the gym followed with a quickie in the shower served as a double workout, somehow leaving me winded and energized at the same time before my day even started.
I tried to make us eggs for breakfast but burned them, so we had to resort to just toast and fruit instead.
A normal Tuesday.
"Aren't you going to sit down and eat?" Edward asked from across the counter as he made my coffee for me.
"No time," I garbled back through a mouthful of pineapple. "Too much t'do."
I stood at the bar in front of my laptop, going through my notes for school.
"Oh, yeah?" He came around the corner of the bar, sliding my coffee in front of me as he moved behind me. "What are you so busy with that you can't sit down and enjoy breakfast with your husband?"
I swallowed my mouthful, smiling at my computer screen when his hands found my hips and slid around to my stomach.
"I have to review these notes for a presentation I'm giving tomorrow."
"That's tomorrow."
Brushing my hair out of the way, he placed a gentle kiss on that sweet spot on my neck.
"I won't have time later. I have classes, and then I'm going straight to work. Then tonight, the decorator is coming over with fabric samples. After she leaves, I have a test to study for, so I have to review this any free moment I get. And you, Mr…" I pushed his hands away just as they made a move toward my breasts. "Already took up too much of my time in that extended shower."
His soft chuckle into my neck rose goosebumps on my skin.
"I didn't hear any complaints."
"That's because I didn't make any. But now I'm trying to manage the rest of my time wisely, so cut me some slack."
With his hands on my shoulders, he made me turn around to face him.
"Hey–" I was just starting to protest when he placed a soft kiss on my forehead and then dipped his head down to rest his against it. His smoldering gaze stopped me, and my whole body relaxed a little. "What?"
He took my face in his hands, and my heart quickened at that sparkle in his eye I still wasn't used to.
"I'm proud of you, Bella."
The sincerity in his tone made me forget all about notes and quizzes and meetings. It was one of those moments when everything else around us melted away. Staring back into glittering emeralds, I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
"Thank you."
There was nothing better than the thought of Edward being proud to call me his wife. It was what I'd been working toward. Every day I woke up, he was my reason for being better. He deserved far more than I could ever give him, so giving him anything less than my best wasn't an option.
"Nothing to thank me for. It's all you."
I brushed my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. He'd be due for a haircut soon.
A normal Tuesday.
"So, what's on your busy schedule for the day?" I asked as I released him.
"Not as much as yours, actually." As he walked back into the main part of the kitchen, he snatched his watch off the counter and put it on. "Rosalie's coming by for lunch to touch base on our pending negotiations."
"Don't forget Cece won't be here to make anything. She's meeting with a realtor today to get her house on the market."
"I know. I'll order in."
My alarm went off on my phone, signaling I had to leave the house in the next five minutes to make class on time.
"Shit. I've gotta go, babe." I snapped my laptop shut and shoved it into my bag before I slung it over my shoulder. "Thank you!" I sang, taking my travel mug from him as he offered it to me.
"Have a good day."
"Love you!"
I darted from the kitchen and down the hall. Bud was hot on my trail to show me out the way he did every morning.
A normal Tuesday.
I scurried across the driveway and tossed all my stuff into the backseat of the Audi before I got in. Whipping the car around to pull away, I noticed Edward coming down to the steps from the front door, headed straight for the car as he motioned for me to roll the window down.
"Did I forget something?" I asked as I obliged.
"Yeah, you did, actually."
As he came bounding toward the car, I gave him a questioning look.
"What?"
He lunged forward, shoving his head through the window to press his lips firmly to mine in a kiss that teetered right on the edge between searing and sweet.
"That."
Thank God he didn't let me forget that.
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Sometime mid-morning, fate intervened.
"Hey, Aunt Bella!"
I laughed, shaking my head at my brother-in-law.
"Hey, Em. Sorry I missed your call. I was in class. What's up?"
"I just changed a diaper full of green diarrhea."
"Well, that's… disgusting."
"Yeah, tell me about it. I dunno how a diet of strictly Mother Nature's nourishment via the titty express can have the little guy's stomach so jacked up."
"I think it's normal for babies to have diarrhea a lot."
"Then I can tell you my son's right on track with normal!"
"Good to know, but I have a feeling you didn't call me just to discuss your kid's bowel movements."
"Nope. I called because the little lady wants me to go pick up the rest of the baby stuff from your place. Are you home?"
I'd hosted Kate's baby shower, and some of the bigger toys that didn't fit in the load of stuff they'd hauled home was still at our house.
"I'm not. I just got out of class. I'm still at the school."
"Oh. Well, is Edward home? Someone told Kate that little vibrating chair thing will put the baby right to sleep, and now she's desperate to get it over here."
"He might be. I know he has a lunch meeting planned there."
"Okay. I'll give him a call."
I wasn't sure he'd be home and I had no confidence he actually knew where any of the gifts were, but I'm not sure if it was those reasons that made me say what I said next or divine intervention.
"You know what? I have a little bit of time before I have to be at work. I can just swing by the house and meet you there."
"Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you."
"No, no. It's no trouble at all. I can be there in twenty minutes."
"Perfect! I'll see ya there."
"Okay. Bye, Em."
I didn't normally go home between school and my internship.
Not a normal Tuesday.
I hit a construction detour on the way home, and had to loop back and take the long way, setting me back about ten minutes.
Not a normal Tuesday.
When I veered off the winding road, turning onto the private drive up to the house, I had to do a double take at the dog traipsing through the grassy knoll off the side of the street.
Bud.
I yanked my steering wheel to the side, pulling over hastily. I was stunned to see my dog walking around on the side of the road and had no living clue how he could've gotten there.
Not a normal Tuesday.
"Bud!" I yelled, shoving my door open. He looked up at me and started barking, running back in the direction of the house. I took off after him, not wanting to let him out of sight, unsure if he'd actually make it back to the house. "Bud, stop! It's me!"
I chased him just a little ways up the street, across it, and then in a circle before Emmett's truck came around the corner, rolling to a stop near my car.
"What's going on?" he called to me, hanging halfway out the window.
"I dunno!" I called back. "It's Bud! I'm trying to catch him!"
He hopped out of the truck right away, bounding over to the scene of the chase. We closed in on him between us, and Emmett was able to catch him with ease in a giant bear hug.
"What's he doing out here?"
"I have no idea. I just saw him walking around out here when I came around the corner."
"Weird."
"He must've gotten out somehow. Maybe the gate was open when Edward let him out or something."
"Well, I'll toss him in the back of the truck and take him back for you."
"Thanks," I huffed, just catching my breath.
I jogged back to my car while Emmett hoisted Bud up into his arms and carried him back to the truck. Relieved that Bud was safe and thankful for stumbling across him before he could wander off too far, I put the car back in gear and followed Emmett the rest of the way up the drive.
I knew Edward had lunch plans with Rosalie, so I wasn't surprised to see both of their cars when we pulled up in front of the house.
I was surprised, however, to see the front door wide open.
Not a normal Tuesday at all.
"We know how the dog got out…"
My whole body tensed. I could conjure up scenarios as to how the dog got out, but I had no logical explanation as to why our front door was wide open. The fact that Bud hadn't stopped barking this whole time didn't help the uneasy feeling I had. I started thinking of all the different possible circumstances, and dread slowly seeped through me.
"This whole thing doesn't make any sense…" I muttered to myself more than to Emmett.
"Wait here," he instructed. He placed Bud down, and the dog ran to jump on me, barking insistently.
My heart sank into my stomach.
"Emmett, I have a bad feeling…"
"Just hang back here. I'll go take a look and make sure everything's okay."
"Okay," I agreed, albeit hesitantly.
It was a horrible feeling to stand in the driveway while Emmett was in the house. I remember being antsy. I remember wrestling with my intuition. I remember trying to convince myself that everything was fine and Bud's crazy behavior meant nothing. I remember thinking Edward probably just didn't shut the door all the way and Bud pushed it open.
But part of me already knew. Deep down, in my gut, I knew something wasn't right. I swear the air around the whole damn house was different. The world – my world – had shifted, and I think I knew it before I really did.
But that gut feeling didn't stop the physical reaction to what happened next.
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Emmett came barreling out of the house, and my whole body was lead.
I'll never forget the look of terror on his face as he struggled with his phone, fumbling around with it like a hot potato. His hands trembled in his panic, and I knew then something had to be terribly wrong. I'd never seen Emmett like that before.
"I– Yes. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I'm outside now." He shoved a hand into his hair, pulling, and bile rose in my throat. "I'm trying to find reception. Ma'am, can you hear me? I need an ambulance! Please! Can you hear me?"
At the word 'ambulance,' I bolted toward the house.
"Bella, no! Stop! Don't go in there!"
Nothing he said could've stopped me. He made a move to physically stop me, but I ran as fast as I could, slipping by him just in time. I had tunnel vision. All I knew was that something was terribly wrong, my husband was in that house, and I had to get to him.
"Edward!" I screamed from somewhere so deep in my chest that it hurt.
A loud thud beckoned me in the direction of the living room, but I didn't even make it that far. A gasping sound grew louder and louder the further I went down the hall, and when I turned the corner, there he was.
My heart.
My soul.
My husband.
Lying in a pool of crimson.
No.
A ripping sensation tore through my chest, like Velcro being ripped apart.
A guttural, horrifying sound bubbled from my lungs as I lunged for him, stumbling and finally tripping so I fell on my knees, sliding across the tile toward him like I was sliding in for a homerun.
No.
I crawled through my husband's blood to get to him, grasping at his shirt with shaking hands as I frantically searched his face. His eyes were half open, but he was too pale.
No, no, no.
I took his face in my hands too roughly, jerking him to look toward me. He was too cold.
More ripping. A defense mechanism. My heart was self-destructing, incapable of taking the pain.
God, no.
I clung to the gasping sounds he was making. Gasping meant breath, and breath meant life.
My eyes searched his body frantically, trying to figure out what was going on, and I noted that my front was now covered in his blood.
So much blood. And I didn't even know where it was coming from.
"Bell–"
It was the weakest of words but just enough to draw my attention back up to his face. His eyes were fully open now, and he was looking up at me, but it didn't calm me at all. It terrified me. The once vibrant green emeralds were misty now. He blinked slowly, and breathed even slower.
"Baby, baby, baby…" I cried.
He opened his mouth to speak again, but then closed it, chocking down air. He lifted a trembling hand, reaching for his side, and upon a closer look, I realized where all the blood was coming from.
A gunshot.
Panic seeped through me; ice starting in my toes and slowly spreading.
"I've got you, baby. I've got you." I shook my hands over him, wracking my mind for some hint of what one's supposed to do when they find the love of their life dying on the hallway floor. "I've got you. Emmett's getting help, and I'm right here. Just stay with me."
"Listen," he bit out, sucking air in through clenched teeth.
"Listen to what, baby?" I cried desperately.
"13."
I shook my head at him, tears of panic filling my eyes.
"Wh–"
"26."
He huffed out to draw back in a sharp inhale.
"I don't–"
He coughed, and faint traces of blood coated his perfect teeth.
"49."
I started sobbing. I had no idea what he was talking about, and the only conclusion I had to turn to was that he was delirious. He'd lost too much blood, and now he was starting to babble.
"Baby, shh… Shh… Don't talk." I stroked his hair, and his eyelids slid a little lower. "Don't talk, baby. Just keep breathing."
I watched him slip. I watched his dull, green eyes grow even hazier as he lost focus, and the ice that'd started in my toes shot through my stomach.
I reached for his hand, and the only response he could muster was a twitching of his fingers.
"Edward, you have to hold on!" I yelled, tears of terror flowing freely down my cheeks. "It's me and you. We're non-negotiable, remember?" He held eye contact with me for one moment longer before they started to roll back, and I broke down, sobbing as I collapsed on top of him. "Oh, G-G-G-od! E-Edward, p-p-please!"
I didn't register Emmett yelling from somewhere behind me.
I paid no mind to Bud barking wildly as he circled the heap of Edward and me.
Nothing in the space around me even existed anymore.
My world was crashing down around me, burning to ash, and love lay bleeding in my arms.