CHAPTER 35 – NATIONAL SECURITY

He made sure she ate properly the next morning and Carson demanded a full physical before she went back through that gate. As she slid onto the bed, Carson was quick to see the tremor that ran through her and he flicked a worried glance at the Colonel, who stood silent and watchful a short distance away.

"Colonel? A word please..."

John raised his eyebrows, but followed the doctor into his private office, just off to the side of the infirmary. Nicole barely noticed that they had left. She was caught up in what she was about to do and told herself that the levity she had shown the day before was simply a cover for what was really going on. She was terrified. John's words had hit home. A game of thrones with only one winner. She had to make sure that the victory flag had her name on it.

"Doc? What is it?" John felt cold inside. They had held each other close through last night, cocooned in the darkness inside his quarters, and he had helped her forget, just as she had helped him. But with the light of day came that coldness. He had to watch her step through that gate into the arms of pure evil. This seemed harder than the worst mission in Afghanistan... and that one had been a bitch. But action was better than sitting on his proverbial hands, and for all intents and purposes, that is exactly what he would be doing here in Atlantis, while Nicole went back to earth and stared into the eyes of the players that held command of the chess board.

"It goes without saying lad, that we're all worried. Sam's filled me in, I know what she has to do today, and I can only guess at the crap that you're trying to sort through. She's terrified John, and trying her best to hide it from you. Don't let her go thinking that she is riding this one lightly. I just felt a thousand watts of tension in her when I helped her onto that bed. I want to give her something to calm her down. Take her anxiety down a level."

"You're talking medication, doc? I don't know that she would go for that. A little fear of needles..."

This brought an unwilling smile to Carson's face. He remembered her needle phobia quite clearly.

"I'm recommending it, as her doctor. She's been through a lot in two weeks. Life changing stuff, as you well know. This could send her over the edge, and yes lad – she's a tough wee thing with more guts than most men I know. But some of it is a front, hell – I think most of it is a front. And that's my medical opinion."

"You're afraid she'll crack..."

"That would be my medical opinion... yes."

"Then give her something, whatever you recommend. I'll make sure she takes it." John lifted an eyebrow. "I have my ways."

"I'm sure you do, lad – and good luck to you."

John turned, heading back into the infirmary. "Thanks... gonna need it, I suspect." He muttered these last words before he reached her side, but she heard the tail end of them, pulling herself out of her reverie.

"Gonna need what, John? Fill me in on that private meeting with the doctor? Hmmm? Especially as I suspect it concerns me..."

"Doc's worried. Hell babe, we all are. But he thinks you're on the edge. Wants to give you something... to pull you back from the edge."

"Drugs?" She grimaced a little. "You know how I feel about that. But John?"

"Yeah...?"

"I'm scared... time to admit that, I think."

"Aaah hell..." He wrapped her in his arms, breathing in her sent. "Part of me didn't want to hear that, but the other part? Glad you told me... 'cause I'm terrified. And it was scaring me more that you weren't feeling it. Will you take something, please..."

Carson hovered in the background. He gave them a moment, and saw when she gave in and nodded and he breathed a sigh of relief and went to prepare the hypodermic needle. He would give her a light dose, just to take her down a little and would send Robert with another dose to administer in the mid way station if he thought she needed it – otherwise he could dose her up at the SGC, before she transferred in private transport to the meeting place.

It took effect immediately. The haunted look lifted from her eyes and she took deep breaths. Calming breaths. And once he was finished with his full check up, he let her leave where she would go immediately to the gate room. Robert was already there and waiting and all Nicole was permitted to take was her flashdrive with the revised story and photos. She would take nothing else.

John held her tightly and felt that her tremors had gone. His, however – had not and it was Nicole who sought to reassure him now.

"Keep the light burning, Colonel. I'll be back before you know it, and hopefully with enough data to start crashing down that house of cards."

She smiled around the room, catching Ronon's eye and winking at him. Blowing a kiss to Rodney who simply blushed and waving, she took Robert's hand and stepped through the gate. And the light suddenly went out of that room.

They spent six hours in the mid way station and Robert talked quietly with her about his life and let her talk about hers. They formed an uneasy bond of sorts – an alliance that would either help or hinder. At this time, he wasn't sure which way it would go. But he would do his best to get her through it and out of there in one piece. He'd given his word to the Colonel in a private conversation and knew the trust that Sheppard had put in him when he sent him off with his girl.

She'd seemed calm, so he didn't give her the second shot. The SGC was a different story. She met General Jack O'Neill – a tall imposing man with twinkling brown eyes that peered down at her in consternation.

"In any other circumstances, I'd say I'm pleased to meet you. But under these ones... hell girl. I don't envy you at all. I'm simply passing you through here, can't be seen to have too much contact – although I'm thinking they're not really going to care too much about who knows what anymore. My enquiries have been discreet, but there's too many ears and eyes out there, and I'm thinking that I likely blew my cover a day or so ago. So a heads up on that one. You may be going into that meeting with them a little miffed."

"Gee thanks for that General. So... the transport?" She turned to Robert.

"You're being picked up by helicoptor and taken to the meeting place. I'm not authorised to go with you. This is as far as I go, then I escort you back to Atlantis. My instructions."

"And you tell me this now? Are you kidding? I go in there alone... ah crap. That last shot... now would be a damn good time to poke me with it. Ahh crap."

She tugged her fingers through her hands and shook her head.

Yeah Nicole.. and I have to go and send a communication back to Atlantis that I have delivered my package. Without an escort. Guess who's head is going to be on the block when we get back? You'll hear your Colonel yelling blue murder from here... that much I can guarantee.

Robert hooded his eyes, trying to shut out the guilt he felt. There was nothing he could do. His instructions were explicit and he had agreed with Sam and John that he would comply to the letter, in order to give you the best advantage she could get.

They were interupted by the radio technician.

"Excuse me... Sirs, Ma'am... there's a helicoptor on the landing pad upstairs waiting to take Miss Harmon to a meeting. They are requesting that she be sent up immediately."

She nodded once at the men and turned to follow a marine who had arrived from out of nowhere to escort her to the surface. She'd do this, then write the story of her life. Expose these men in such a way that they'd do more than come tumbling down. She'd light a fire that burnt every tendril of evil so that it couldn't grow back again.

And then she'd go back to Atlantis and maybe try and make a life with a certain dark haired Colonel who had brought her back from the edge.