Sorry all, this is currently un-beta'd. I wanted to get the chapter out though. So, please ignore the mistakes and I will update with a cleaner chapter when I can :)

Chapter 37 – Ignoring the Holidays

"Why haven't you kissed me lately?" Bella asked.

I sat slightly stunned, not expecting the question. It was Christmas morning and Bella was curled up on her couch with me. She had been quiet and pensive all morning. I was letting her contemplate without interruption, knowing today was a difficult day for her.

I sighed before answering. "Trust me; it isn't that I don't want to. I just didn't know if I should. So far all of our kisses have been initiated by me. We talked about you starting to initiate things; I thought maybe if you started with something we'd done already it might help. Plus, I never want to be too forward."

Bella nodded and I could see her worrying her lip. I held my breath hoping she was getting the courage up to kiss me. I knew it was selfish, but I longed for the taste of her and my whole body was clenched in anticipation of her sweet lips. I was internally counting the seconds, hoping, dreaming; three hundred and twenty six seconds later she leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. I released the breath I had been holding. Bella didn't move back. She opened her eyes searching for something in mine. I was in heaven breathing in every breath she released.

Finally, she leaned in and kissed me again. This time it was more than a mere brush of her lips. Slowly we gained momentum. I allowed her to lead and just reveled in her taste, loving that she was taking control and I could feel her gaining confidence. I could sit for hours just kissing Bella, but finally she needed to take a breath. She pulled back and I pressed my forehead against hers. "You truly are beautiful," I said.

Bella blushed and lightly brushed her lips against mine once more before laying her head against my shoulder. I gave her a few more minutes of quiet before I spoke up. "Would it be ok if we went to visit my family for a little while today? Carlisle wanted to talk to you and give you a quick check up."

There was a pause before Bella spoke. "Just for a regular visit. Alice doesn't have anything Christmassy planned does she?"

"No, she doesn't," I replied.

Bella got changed put on a warm jacket and we drove to my house. I noticed she was no longer as tense when I would drive and watch her as opposed to the road. When we arrived at our house Alice was at the door to greet us. She hugged Bella and we migrated to the parlor and greeted everyone. Bella spoke Carlisle with some apprehension and he decided to put her at ease.

"Do you want to come upstairs for a few minutes? I promise I have nothing evasive planned, I just want to give you an overall check-up."

Bella nodded and followed him. I could see the tension in her shoulders. I wanted to go with her but knew she was safe without me and likely wouldn't want me there for the physical. I tried to respect her privacy by not keeping track of Carlisle's thoughts. I let the rest of my family try to distract me.

Soon Bella was done and Carlisle called me upstairs so I could be with her when he talked to her about moving forward. I sat in his office and pulled Bella into my arms next to me. "Are you ok?" I whispered.

Bella nodded and gave a small smile. "Yeah, Carlisle is very gentle and professional."

I kissed the top of her head and turned to Carlisle. "So how's she doing?"

Carlisle's thoughts were please and yet concerned. Bella was not in immediate danger, but because of her low weight and being malnourished he knew she could get very sick very fast. "Bella's doing well." He smiled at her. "You're gaining weight and I want to keep you on the supplements you're currently on. I think my main concern right now is that you still aren't getting as much sleep as you should. Your body is run down and lack of sleep is only complicating the issue. At this point if you got the flu you would end up in the hospital on IV's for multiple days. I know you want to avoid that. Up until now you have been adamant that you don't want any sleep aids, but I really would like to try something. I'm hoping with Edward there that you will be a little more open to trying."

Bella pulled into me and placed both hands on mine and snuck one up my arm, under my sleeve. I knew she was scared and needed touch from me to try and ground herself. She turned worried eyes to me. I brushed her face with my other hand. "It's ok, sweetheart. I'm with you, always. I won't leave you at night. If the nightmares get to bad I will be there to wake you and hold you. You need to get better."

I could read the conflict in Bella eyes and finally I saw resignation. "Please don't leave me."

"Never."

Bella turned to Carlisle. "Ok, I'll try it for a few nights."

Carlisle smiled. "That's all I ask. I know it's difficult for you, but remember Edward is there and he has medical training. I also wanted to talk to you about something else. You're getting many calories and that's good, but I want to make sure you are building muscle mass and not just gaining fat. Would you be open to an exercise program?"

Bella shrugged. "I guess, what are you thinking of?"

"Well I would like to get Emmett involved if that's ok," Carlisle said. "Emmett," Carlisle called out, and we could hear him bounding up the stairs.

He rushed in. "Smella-Bella! We are going to have so much fun!"

Bella turned and gave me a slightly worried look. I smiled. "Just listen to him. He is qualified for what he's talking about."

Emmett reined in his exuberance. "Seriously, Bella, through the years I've racked up a few degrees in Physical and Occupational Therapy. Now I haven't dealt with anyone one on one like this is but I have training and I keep up with the latest methods and exercises. I admit it's a delicate balanced. We want to build muscle mass and keep your heart strengthened but we don't want to burn a lot of calories."

Bella sat quietly for a few moments before she spoke. "Ok, how often are you thinking we should do this? When do we start?"

Emmett hooted. "That's what I'm talking about. Nothing's open today, but I can buy a lot of what I want off the internet. It'll take a few days to ship but I should have the start of a gym together in three or four days. We'll start with the basics and get more as needed. I'm sure Alice can get the whole thing together in no time."

Bella cringed. "How much are you spending? Is there something else we can do? I don't want to you to build a gym for me that no one else will use."

Emmett laughed. "Oh Bells. It's not an issue. If you're that upset we can take the money out of your personal accounts, though really it won't dent anything."

I cringed knowing where this was going and tried to cut it off. "Bella, don't worry. It really won't be that expensive."

Of course she didn't drop it. "My personal accounts? Emmett I don't have that much money."

Emmett laughed even harder. "Most people would consider ten million dollars a lot of money."

I groaned and Carlisle looked down, he also knew where this was going. Bella, of course was completely confused and I didn't want to enlighten her. "Ten million dollars?"

Emmett choked on his laughter. "Oh man. Eddie you never told her! Classic. I'm outta here while you dig yourself outta this hole. Bells just remember they love you and it's all good."

Emmett left and Bella crossed her arms in front of her and huffed. I gave up and tipped my head back and shrugged my shoulders. "Ask Carlisle. I didn't do it."

Thanks Edward! Carlisle clearly thought at me. I tried to feel bad for throwing him under the bus, but couldn't. I knew Bella would not be happy to hear that she had accounts in her name but there was no avoiding the conversation now.

Carlisle spoke. "Bella did your parents ever set up accounts for you? Somewhere they saved money for when you got older?"

"No, not really. My parents didn't have much money. They lived pay check to pay check. There wasn't enough left over for a trust fund or anything."

"I understand, but did you have a college fund or anything?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, I did. A small one."

Carlisle nodded. "Exactly. That's all I'm doing."

Bella groaned. "Carlisle it's not the same. That was my parents! That was their job, to take care of me. Plus they had money but not ten million dollars!" Bella was shouting at the end.

Carlisle sighed. "Bella don't think about the amount." She snorted. "I'm serious. Everyone in the family has a percentage of the family's money for personal use. There is always a chance that something might happen to me or the coven and we need to separate. This is insurance that no matter what happens each of us have money that we can access individually in any emergency, or for personal expenditures. The amount may seem excessive, but it is a small amount of the money the family has."

"Carlisle, ten million dollars! I just don't know that I'm comfortable with that. No, I know I'm not!"

"Then pretend it isn't there. I'm not taking it back. You are part of the family and I take care of everyone. Alice keeps track of trends. She bought Microsoft stock the weeks after it went on the market, can you guess how much we made? We are initial investors in Starbucks and McDonalds. I understand, it's a lot of money, but it isn't at the same time."

Bella looked up and sighed. I could see the thoughts running through her head. I was staying out of the conversation, I wasn't the one that did it and I didn't want to get in trouble. I knew it was cowardly.

Bella's lip started quivering. "Carlisle I'm not part of your family. You aren't my father and you can't replace him."

"Oh Bella, I don't want to replace your father. I would never attempt to do so. That wasn't what I meant at all. The thing is you are mated to Edward. Edward is part of our coven, our family, which automatically binds you to us as well. I'm the head of our family and it is my responsibility and joy to look after all of you. One of the ways I do that it assuring that you all have money. With the ages that most of our coven was turned at, getting high paying jobs of their own isn't feasible, people aren't going to hire seventeen year old Edward to be a Heart surgeon, no matter how much he would be qualified to be one."

I could see Bella struggling to process it all. "I don't know what to say," she finally whispered.

Carlisle spoke again, "Bella did your family leave you insurance? I assume so as you have a house. That's all I'm doing, giving you insurance."

Bella started picking at her sweatshirt cuff and rubbing her feet into the floor. "What's wrong, love?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just . . . I don't know what to say about all this. I don't have anything. The house I live in I rent. I had to declare bankruptcy because I couldn't pay the medical bills for being in the hospital for months on end. The little my parents had is gone."

"I didn't know, Bella, I'm sorry," I said. I felt terrible. When I'd finally learned Bella's full name all we had done was look into the tragedy that happened but no further. How could I have not found out the additional pain she'd suffered?

Bella nodded her head against my chest. "That's ok. It isn't your fault." She turned her head slightly and looked at Carlisle. "I'm sorry I got so upset. I know you are just looking out for me. It's just overwhelming and unexpected."

Carlisle reassured her. "I don't want you to be mad at me. I promise I just want to do what I can to keep you safe. Since we're talking about it I will get you an accounting of where all your funds are. We keep them in multiple countries and currencies." He looked up at me. "Obviously I haven't had time to travel to set up safe deposit boxes with hard currency. Until I can will you share your keys with her so she has access if needed?"

I nodded. "Not a problem. We should see if we can get her boxes in the same location mine are in anyway. I can't see her traveling without me. Do you have a passport Bella?"

Bella answered. "No, I've never been out of the country or needed one."

I nodded. "We can get her one made. We should probably get a few made in different names."

"Wait!" Bella said. "Listen this is too much. Can we just take a breath? Does this need to be done now?"

I fought with myself. I was suddenly overrun with images of people coming after Bella and not being able to take her out of the country, but tempered myself, knowing Bella needed me to be calm. "No, not right now, but soon we should get it done."

Bella nodded and looked at Carlisle. "I'm sorry I got so upset. This is just so new to me."

Carlisle smiled. "That's ok Bella. I set the accounts up without thinking about it. I promise it wasn't to upset you."

Bella nodded and looked at me and then at Carlisle. She slowly got up and approached Carlisle. My jaw dropped and I was so proud of her when she leaned in and gave Carlisle a quick hug. "Thank you," she said.

Carlisle's thoughts were muddled, shocked and pleased. "You're welcome Bella."

Emmett called from downstairs, quiet enough for Bella to not hear. "Wait! Carlisle gets a hug before me! That is so unfair. I am way cooler than Carlisle."

Rose hit him. "Shut up you idiot."

Alice just laughed. "All I know is I'm not telling Bella I've already been in her accounts investing and she has way more than ten million dollars!"

Bella came and sat with me again, I smiled at her letting her know how proud I was that she took the courage to hug Carlisle.

Carlisle cleared his throat and spoke. "I have a few other things. Emmett is going to help you with your fitness, but I was hoping that you'd also let Rose help you with a bit of self defense. Have you ever taken any self defense classes?"

Bella dropped her head while shaking it no. I was confused by her reaction and tried to understand it. Finally a light dawned and I pulled her chin up to look at me. "Bella, no self defense class would have stopped what happened to you. You weren't at fault. You were drugged and brought in a room with multiple men that far outweighed you. Then Riley had weapons and hostages. Carlisle doesn't think you were at fault; he is trying to protect you in case you could use it in the future. Self defense is important for everyone."

"Oh Bella, You did nothing wrong. Never think I'm suggesting it. May I ask though, do you feel helpless at times? Are there instances when someone intimidates you and you would like to know that if you had to you could defend yourself?" Carlisle spoke softly.

Bella slowly nodded. "I'm sorry, I just wonder if I could have done something different. I always question those nights and what could have changed."

I kissed the top of her head. "Stop worrying. There is nothing that can be changed in the past. There is the present and the future. I won't allow anything like that to happen to you again."

I figured we were done talking and moved to get up when I read a thought flittering through Carlisle's mind. I was shocked and quickly thought through what he wanted to ask. I slowly nodded at his questioning glance towards me. I thought it might be a good idea.

Carlisle sat forward on his chair and looked at Bella. "Can I impose one more thing?"

Bella looked at me confused, but nodded.

"Today is Christmas." Bella tensed up as Carlisle spoke. "Normally I go to a Christmas service by myself to reflect on the season, its purpose and the past year of my life. I was wondering if you would want to join me this year. It is just fine if you don't want to, but I thought I would throw the invitation out there."

I held my breath as I watched Bella think through the question. I didn't entirely know what demons she was facing today. I didn't want to push her, but I also knew how important her faith was to her. Slowly she nodded her head before saying. "I think I would like that."

Carlisle beamed. "Wonderful. We can leave after dinner. Edward, I assume you'll be coming too?"

"Of course," I said.

Bella turned and looked at me. "I'm a bit worn out. Can we go to your room for a bit and just veg?"

I heard the groans from my family downstairs who were hoping to spend time with Bella, but they all understood that she'd received a lot of information and needed to process it all, especially since she was already stressed out with it being Christmas day. Jasper was very proud that she asked for what she wanted and didn't just go along with what everyone else wanted for her to do.

I got up and scooped Bella in my arms. She squealed and I laughed. "You said you wanted to veg, that doesn't include you walking." She giggled and I walked us to my room. When I got there I quirked an eye at her wondering what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go. She pointed to the couch in front of the wall of windows in my sitting room. I sat down with my back to the arm of the couch and pulled Bella between my legs and she curled up against my chest.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

She hummed quietly then looked at me. "Can you read me something?"

I smiled. "Sure, what would you like?"

She scrunched up her nose as she thought about it. "The Fellowship of the Ring?"

I loved my mate. She asked me to read Lord of the Rings and not Daniel Steele. I didn't even need to find the book, as I'd read it and had it memorized. I started telling her the story and she looked at me shocked. "You have it memorized."

I laughed. Somehow Bella seemed to forget what I was. "I'm a vampire Bella. I have a photographic memory. I've read the story before so it is memorized."

Bella snorted. "Stupid perfect vampires."

I laughed and started the story again. The afternoon passed with Bella curled against me as I recited the story and her interjecting questions and comments as I want along. I'd never spent a day like that before and I thought it was a slice of perfection.

For dinner we went down and talked to the family. Bella was quiet and didn't say much to anyone but keeping an eye I her I wasn't too worried. I kept eye contact with her and Jasper who I knew was continually reading her, making sure she was ok and not falling into a deep depression.

After dinner we climbed in my car with Carlisle and went to church. I kept quiet and listened to them both talk theology and what brought them to the church and their beliefs. I was amazed again at how articulate and thought out Bella's faith was. It wasn't a crutch for her like it seemed like for many people, nor was she overzealous and in your face. She believed what she believed and was willing to back it up if asked, but didn't feel she needed to yell to convince you to believe what she did. I admit her quiet belief caused me to question my disbelief and if she was right to believe in God and a soul. I would ponder on it more later.

When church was over I dropped Carlisle off at home and drove to Bella's. I could tell she needed to be home, in quiet. The church service brought back many memories and she was fighting her past. I put a movie on that I knew she'd watch hundreds of times and she didn't even pay attention to it, which I expected.

At ten that night I nudged her. "Bella, it's time for you to take your sleeping pill and try to get some sleep."

She turned fearful eyes at me. "Please don't leave."

"Never."

She went up stairs to get ready for bed and I sat waiting for her, hoping the night wouldn't go as badly as she thought it would. Honestly her dreams were already horrific and consuming; I didn't see how a sleeping pill could make it worse.

When Bella was done I went upstairs and sat in the corner chair like I always did. Bella turned to me. "Will you hold my hand?"

I was at her side in the blink of an eye to hold her hand. I grabbed her hand and sat on the floor.

She smiled, and then looked upset. "Oh, Edward, you can't sit on the floor all night. That's not fair."

I sighed and got up. I placed my right leg on the floor with my knee bent. I then put my left leg where my ankle was almost touching my right knee. I place my left arm out straight and my right arm I bent over my head. I leaned my whole body back as far as I could without falling over. "Bella, I could hold this pose for hours, days, and not get stiff or sore. I'm a vampire; sitting on the floor is not a problem. The only thing that's a problem is being away from you." I sat back on the floor and took Bella's hand.

She gave a big yawn and smiled at me. "I love you, Edward."

I brushed her hair back with my open hand. "I love you, Bella. Now sleep."

"Will you talk to me?" Bella asked.

I started reciting where I'd left off with Fellowship of the Ring. I spoke quietly and listened to Bella's breath deepen and slow. I thought she was asleep when she quietly said. "Merry Christmas, Edward"

"Merry Christmas, Isabella," I whispered.

Hey all. First I am so sorry that I am behind in RR. I try so hard to keep on top of them, but I did fall behind. I will try to be caught up by tomorrow! Don't let that stop you from review this chapter. Hope you like it, next chapter we will get into more of Bella's healing and hardship. LOL also some for Edward.

Nissa thank you for pre-reading for me and sharing your thoughts and comments!

Thank you to all my readers that are with me still and letting me know what you like and don't like. I love how so many of you have embraced these characters and taken their troubles to heart. It truly gladdens my heart to read the reviews with the love of Edward and Bella.