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SeanHicks4: Actually, I think I goofed. He says that in game in KotOR 2, not 1. My bad.

SotOR

Where I Kick Myself Because I Used Bungle In The Jungle As The Title Last Chapter

By the time we got to the Shadowlands, Carth, Canderous, and Mission were asleep, Juhani and I were in a meditative trance, and the only one alert was HK. Seriously, a four hour elevator ride, where no one could talk for fear it would draw hungry critters, kind of limited your options on how to kill time. Besides, getting some rest in before going into a situation in which you know you might get clawed, bitten, or shot at is always a good idea.

Once there, however, we immediately disembarked, and began a long and uneventful trek through the Shadowlands.

About an hour later, we came across a couple of Katarns attacking an old man.

Surprisingly, the old man was winning.

The bright green lightsaber might have something to do with that.

He decapitated one mid pounce, and when the other leaped at him, he grabbed it's jaw and held it with a single hand, a feat impossible for a man of his stature without supernatural aid, and simply said,

"Get. Off. My. Lawn." before Force Pushing it into a tree trunk hard enough to break the bark off ( a considerable feat, as the tree was the size of a skyscraper), where it got to it's feet, and ran off, yelping.

"Wait, what's a Jedi doing here?" Mission asked.

"I ain't a Jedi, missy." He said, walking over to us.

"...What's a Sith doing here?" She corrected herself.

The old man frowned. "I ain't a Sith, either."

"Then what ARE you?"

"Retired." I answer for him.

He stroked his goatee thoughtfully. "That about sums it up." He agreed.

"No, seriously, what's a Jedi doing here?"

"Mish, just because he uses the force and a lightsaber doesn't mean he's a Jedi OR Sith. That's like saying because you have lekku and boobs that you're an... 'exotic dancer' or a prostitute."

"I could be." Mission said, just to be cheeky.

"You better not be, young lady."

"You're not my real dad!" She said, jokingly.

"I'm real enough to smack you upside the head."

"Jedi, Sith, or none of the above, I don't think he appreciates us coming on to his property, only to ignore him in favor of bickering among ourselves." Carth interrupts.

"No, no, please continue! This is more entertaining than soaps... that I don't watch because I don't have a holoprojector." Jolee said.

"He has a point, though. It's good to see you, Jolee." I greeted.

"Yeah, likewise, Naruto."

"Wait, you two know each other?" Juhani asked.

"Yeah, We met when I was here with the Sith." I answered.

"What DID happen to the bald guy? I don't see him." Jolee inquired.

"He fell to the Psycho/Emo Side and tried to kill me. Twice."

"Really? That first part I can understand, but the second? I didn't think he was that stupid."

"To be fair, he made it a point to be several klicks away when he did."

"How did he pull that off?"

"Orbital bombardment. Both times."

"And you lived."

"I'm me."

"Point taken. So, what brings you here?"

"Same thing as last time."

"You're going to have issues with that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Czerka put a force field in the way. Tell you what. I saw them put it up. As such, I know how to shut it off. I'll do so, in exchange for a favor. There are guys from Czerka here, and they're too close to my place for my liking. Remove them, and I'll help you."

"Got it. Come on, guys. We have to get a bunch of crazy kids of this old coot's lawn."

"No respect for your elders. Kids these days..."

A short walk away, we found the men Jolee wanted us to remove, guarding what appeared to be four satellites dishes, but emitted a constant, barely noticeable whine. Sonic Emitters, designed to emit noises not able to be heard by the human ear, but incredibly irritating to animals. Keeps them away.

"Halt! Who goes there!" The man who appears to be in charge demands.

"Human Resource Management." I come up with on the spot. "We came to assess working conditions, and ensure it falls under mandated guidelines."

"Oh, thank the Force!" One of them sighed in relief.

I briskly walked up to him. "There's something wrong?"

"Well... It's just we've been out here for weeks. And these sonic emitters may keep the wildlife away, but they also prevent you from getting some sleep. And quite frankly, I think we could be better used elsewhere. Slap an automated blaster on the emitter and call it good. Also, we're here to harvest Tach glands, but no one's come for the ones we do have. I presume because this outpost is so out of the way." The guard confesses.

"Well, those are all valid complaints. I'll see about fixing that. CANDEROUS!"

"Yeah?"

"These poor men haven't been able to see their families for weeks due to these emitters. Why don't we fix that?"

Canderous grinned, pulled out a few grenades, primed them, and rolled them to each of the emitters.

The result was as you would expect. Four emitters destroyed, and five men with no reason to be there. With a nearby ravenous rancor providing those same five men a very good reason for not being there.

As they fled, I heard one shout, "Damn! I wish the HR department at the Tatooine branch was that dedicated!"

"Human Resource Management?" Juhani asked, one eyebrow raised.

"It worked, didn't it?" I defended myself.

When we got back to Jolee, he smiled.

"So, I see you got those kids off my lawn after all. And, you didn't kill them. I'm pleasantly surprised."

"What is it with old men hinting that they want me to kill someone, while not wanting me to kill that someone, and being surprised when I DON'T kill that someone? I mean seriously, If you don't want me to kill them, DON'T ALL BUT ASK ME TO! And why does everyone assume that my Plan A is 'kill everyone'?"

"Because you're CAPABLE of it." Canderous answered.

"Because you're obviously insane." Was Mission's response.

"Speculation: Because it's more efficient than listening to everyone's pitiful meatbag woes and remedying them?" HK speculated.

"Because the people they ask you to kill are most likely going to try to kill you?" Was Carth's input.

"You have the mannerisms of a hardened soldier?" Juhani mused.

I glared at them. "Is this going to be a running gag with us?" I inquired.

"Possibly." Carth shrugged.

ENPSYCHOPEDIA:

LEKKU: Those Tail- like things that come out of a Twilek's head. Serve as a kind of antenna, as they are pretty much all nerves. Also, similar to a tail of a dog or cat, they move and twitch according to the Twilek's emotions.

KINRATH SPIDERS: I did some research after writing chapter 30, and that said kinrath spiders DO act like ants, and attack in swarms. I suppose I'll hand wave it as CAVE Kinraths acting like that, but JUNGLE Kinraths, like they faced, are forced to be more flexible due to terrain, and as such evolved differently. Kind of like Mountain Lions (Pumas, or cougars) and Lions. Both similar in anatomy and biological origin, but very different social structures and habits.

TACH: A small primate, with a gland that apparently can be used as ingredient for alcohol, including Tarisian Ale.