Year 6

Chapter 36: The Slayer Knows All

New chapter by Steve2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything related to it.

Note: this story does have a mention of an adult topic, but not in-depth, and no details. I do believe this is still rated accurately, but if you, the reader disagrees, please let me know of any problems with this chapter and I can revisit it and tweak it better.

{-36-}

It was a Monday. At least Harry thought it was a Monday. It could have been Hampsterday for all he knew what with having to spend yet another year in the loony bin, studying "magic". All he knew for certain was that he was in Binns' classroom. And, unfortunately, awake.

Harry knew the drill by heart. After 5 long years of this class, who couldn't know the subject matter? It was yet another narrative about a goblin rebellion.

"Okay, class. Today we'll talk about the goblin rebellion of 1591," Binns started.

See? Harry was spot on.

"In 1591, the Globstopper rebellion of Kent started when several of the unruly beasts took it upon themselves to renegotiate an already-approved loan of several merchant families. This renegotiation took the form of approximately 170 goblins armed with swords and axes. They started out early Sunday morning when most of the countryside was at services and attacked a small village, slaughtering the 20 muggles. They then went south towards the next village.

"It was then that they encountered a young woman simply known as The Slayer. Not much is known about the battle, but the goblins never advanced beyond that first village, and none of them returned alive to their lair. As for The Slayer – it is told that every generation a young woman is called up to battle vampires and other monsters and they have gained the nickname "Slayer". No one knows how they are chosen or where they live, only that they fight against the tides of darkness, and goblins."

Wait a tic, Harry thought. "You're talking about Buffy, right?" Harry inquired of the history professor. He was promptly ignored.

"What are you talking about, Harry?" Blaise wondered, ignoring the repetitive Binns.

"Oh, Merlin. Potter is about to go off on another wild idea," Ron snarked.

"Funny, Weasley," Harry returned. "Look, everyone knows about Buffy, right? No? Snobs. Buffy is the Slayer."

"You should tell the teacher about that," Hermione pointed out.

"What?" Pause. "Why? No, wait. Who?"

"Binns!" Hermione pointed to the front of the class.

"Why would I tell Binns?" Harry was actually curious at this and not making fun of her.

Hermione replied, "Because he's the teacher. Maybe he can provide more insight on the Slayer."

Harry laughed. "You're kidding me. Binns is a hologram! Geez, don't tell me you're buying into al this magic mumbo jumbo. What am I saying? I've been here for years – of course you're all buying it. Because you're all nuts!"

Hermione turned snotty. "Maybe you're nuts for staying here for as long as me then? Hmm, thought of that did you?"

"Of course I'm nuts," Harry agreed. "I've known that for a long time. But I'm the good kind of nuts. The kind that gets you invited to parties."

Harry's agreement did not satisfy Hermione. "Maybe I'll get invited to the same parties then since I'm as nuts as you!"

"Of course you'll be invited to the same parties – you'll provide the card tricks that will get us free drinks and a free cab ride back home," Harry pointed out.

"Wait, wait, wait," Susan Bones interjected. "What do you mean, a cab ride back home? Are you two living together or something?"

"They're living together?" Hannah Abbot raised an eyebrow to that. "When did that happen?"

"We're not living together!" Hermione nearly shrieked.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Well, technically we are all living together."

"We are not!" Hermione exclaimed.

"We're all living in a big castle together, right? That means we're living together."

"You mean I should tell Gran that I'm living with girls now?" Neville inquired hopefully.

Seamus grinned and replied, "I would if I were you. Maybe she'll increase your allowance. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink."

"That's not what that statement implies, though!" Hermione shot back. "We are not living together in the same rooms!"

"Sure we are, Hermione," Harry rebuffed. "We share common classrooms don't we? And we share our common rooms as well. We are therefore, technically, living together."

"That's true, Granger. We do share a common room," Pansy Parkinson put in her 2 knuts worth.

Hermione was shocked. "But… but… his statement implies we are living together!"

"Yes?" Sue replied. "And we've already touched on that."

"No, no," Hermione tried to clarify herself. "As in, we are sharing the same room together. You know, like we are having…"

Harry grinned. "C'mon, Hermione, spit it out already. Like we are having… conversations?"

"I have those all the time. In our common room too," Hannah pointed out.

"No, no, no! Like we are having…. You know… that," Hermione again tried to clarify herself.

"Snacks after dinner?" Lisa Turpin tried to help.

"Beverages after dinner and we don't put them on coasters?" Su Li also tried to help.

Draco had had enough. "No, you morons! She is implying we are having sex!"

Greg put his hands out in the class 'Stop' motion. "Whoa, whoa, whoa there everyone! Vince and I are good friends. We've known each other since we were toddlers. We're not into that."

"Not you, you numbskull!" Draco snarked. "Granger is implying that all the boys are having sex with all the girls since we are living together."

"You do know the reverse could also be true, right?" Harry calmly stated.

"What?" Draco didn't know what else to say.

Harry continued to calmly state, "That it's not just boys having sex with girls, but could also be the girls having sex with boys."

"They do that?" Seamus wanted to know.

"That's absurd," Draco flatly denied.

"And that is why you have to get hitched with marriage betrothals. Yes, dummy, girls like sex," Harry felt like he was having a conversation with an idiot, and considering where he went to school…

"You're just having me on," Draco countered. "Girls like sex?"

"Yes!" Pansy was cross with her… well, whatever he was to her.

"Since when?" Draco started. Then, "No, don't answer that. Better question: how do you know, Potter?!"

"Luna told me."

"Luna told you?" Hermione wasn't sure she heard that right.

"She did."

"What were you doing when she told you?" Dean asked.

"Dean!" Hermione scolded. "What kind of question was that?! We don't need to know what they were doing, or were engaged in, or watching, or reading, or anything like that. Their personal lives are their own business."

"I'm confused," Millicent announced. "How did we go from listening about Binns talking about the Slayer to talking about Harry's love life?"

"I'm confused as well, Mr. Plunger," Binns' voice droned out. "We were discussing the legend of the Slayer, but it appears you may know more about her than me. Perhaps you can enlighten your classmates then? That is, if you are done discussing your personal life."

"Talk about the Slayer?" Harry made sure Binns was actually interested. "Sure thing, pal! Okay, the current Slayer is Buffy Summers and she lives in California, which is in the United States. According to you, Binns, that is in the new colonies across the ocean. Anyway, she is the latest in a line of young women known as "Vampire Slayers" or known more simply as "Slayers". Now, Slayers are chosen by fate to do battle against vampires, demons, and other forces of darkness. For centuries the Slayers have been aided by a group known as Watchers, and each new Slayer gets a Watcher who guides, teaches, and trains her. Buffy, unlike her predecessors, did not want to just stick around with an old guy telling her what to do, what to wear, where to go, how to act. So she stuck it to the man and his old do-it-my-way-young-lady rules and collected a fierce group of like-minded friends around her that are known as the Scooby Gang."

"You seem remarkably well-informed, Mr. Plunger," Binns commented.

Harry smiled. "Thanks! It helps to have a working VCR."

Binns noted the obvious. "You didn't mention this Muffy Blummers fighting goblins."

Harry shrugged. "Not too many of them out in California. Maybe the vampires ate them all. You should go check."

"Hmmm, maybe it is time to take a sabbatical to the new world."

"You bet it is, pal. Sabbatical all the way."

As Binns floated back to the front of the class, Blaise leaned over. "Are you crazy? What if they replace Binns with someone else that makes us listen?"

"Listen Blaise; you too Hermione. I'm only going to say this once. Binns is a hologram. And he's a first generation one since they can't get his voice modulator to work right. He's the pits, alright? We should have real teachers here."

"Harry's right," Hermione agreed. "We need real teachers."

"I guess if we replace the DADA teacher every year, we might be able to replace the history teacher," Tracey Davis piped in.

"You're right, Tracey. We should replace Binns. Sure, the novelty was interesting at first, but if you want novelty, how about a part-Borg teach?"

Dean's eyes popped open. "You mean…"

Harry smirked at the other man's leap of logic. "Yep. 7 of 9 would be a great teacher here."

Dean had a pleasant smile. "Oh yeah…"

"She would do fantastic job of, uh… you know, teaching," Harry suggested.

"Dean, wipe that drool off your face," Hermione instructed. "Who is 7 of 9?"

Dean leaned over and whispered to Seamus. He helped his cause with some hand gestures that seemed to make curves in the air. Seamus' eyes widened.

"I want 7 of 9!" Seamus grinned like Dean.

"My guess is it is a woman," Lavender grimaced. "Wipe that drool off your face, Seamus."

"If we get 7 of 9 for a history professor for the boys, what do we get for the girls?" Padma wanted to know.

"What are you talking about? What would you girls need?" Draco announced as if his opinion was the only one that mattered.

Everyone just stared at the blond.

Harry patted the boy on the shoulder. "One day, Draco, one day you just might get it. As for you, Padma, let me give it some thought. Do you girls have any requirements?"

Hermione was the first one to speak up. "Well, since we'll get a new DADA professor after this year, I guess we should opt for that position. Maybe knowledgeable in the subject matter."

"Pffffft," Pansy scoffed. "Knowledge is good, but I want my man to know how to use it."

"Someone who doesn't like to wear a shirt very much," Sue suggested.

"Susan!" Hermione was scandalized.

Susan looked at Hermione with open curiosity. "What? That's what I want."

"You are always going on about Mi…" Hannah started.

"Shut it!" Sue instructed with a grin. "Okay, updated requirement. Someone who is in shape that doesn't like to wear a shirt very much."

Harry nodded. "Okay. Knowledge of the subject, knows how to use his mind, and is clothing optional. Anything else?"

The girls started giggling and listing more and more requirements for Harry to write down.

Draco scoffed at the sight. "Look at them, Nott. Cavorting with the lower class. They are not purporting themselves like proper pure bloods at all. Sniff."

"That may be true, Malfoy, but look at it this way. You are surrounded by guys while Potter is surrounded by all the girls. Where would you rather be?"

Draco didn't have an answer for that. Maybe he would have to ask his godfather for suggestions.

{-36-}

Read and Review, please! Smiles!

Steve2