Chapter inspiration: Papa, Can You Hear Me? (Yentl)

Nick had only started to notice a pattern in Jeff's behavior. 364 days out of the year, his boyfriend was the hyper, happy-go-lucky Warbler everyone was friends with. On September 16, however, Jeff was quiet, reserved, and took off for most of the day, no one knowing where he went. When Nick asked him if he was alright, Jeff responded with a simple "I'm fine" and went back to quietly doing whatever he was doing.

This particular September 16, Jeff had taken off early and Nick quietly followed him. Jeff took the bus to a cemetery about an hour from Dalton Academy and situated in a small patch. Nick watched from behind a tree as the blond, along with a woman and a girl looking a couple years older than Jeff, sit silently. Jeff began to sing.

"Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you see me?

Papa, can you find me in the night?

Papa, are you near me?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you help me not be frightened?

Looking at the skies, I seem to see a million eyes

Which ones are yours?

Where are you now that yesterday has waved goodbye and closed its doors?

The night is so much darker

The wind is so much colder

The world I see is so much bigger now that I'm alone..."

Jeff trailed off and sobbed into the woman's shoulder.

"Oh my God, Jeffy." Nick wanted to run over and hold Jeff, but didn't want to piss him off for following him. He'd seen Jeff when he was pissed off. Never a pretty sight.

"It's okay, honey," the woman whispered. Nick immediately realized that the woman was Jeff's mother and the girl, his sister.

"He'd be proud, Jeff," Jeff's sister said soothingly, rubbing his back. "Look at you, an honor student, lots of friends, a boyfriend even. Dad would be so proud." The girl wiped her eyes.

The three of them walked away a few minutes later. Once the coast was clear, Nick walked over to the gravestone.

Jacob Reynolds Sterling

11/14/1973-9/16/2011

Devoted father, husband, and friend

Nick fought the lump in his throat. He rode his bike back to Dalton, tears falling from his eyes. He walked inside and saw Jeff standing against the wall, someone shouting at him.

"Where the hell have you been, Sterling?" Hunter yelled. "We've been practicing and you've been God knows where!"

"I'm sorry." Jeff sounded like he was about to cry.

"Clarington, leave him alone!" Nick ran over and shoved Hunter, who collided with the wall.

"Duval, you're fucking asking for it." The larger Warbler captain advanced on Nick just as Jeff fled for the dorm. Nick watched Jeff run off and turned to face a red-faced Hunter.

"He's having a rough day, jackass. Why don't you lay off?" Nick shoved past Hunter and ran upstairs. He knocked on the door. "Jeffy?"

The door swung open to a tear-stained Jeff. "I know you followed me! Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?"

"Jeffy, I... I wanted to know why you were so upset every September sixteenth. We've been friends for ten years—boyfriends for three—and I never knew why." Jeff blinked. He'd wanted to have one thing his mood didn't reflect on everyone else.

"Even a hyper hyper-go-lucky guy like me needs a day to remember his father," Jeff whispered, allowing Nick entrance to their dorm.

"If you don't mind my asking..."

"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A couple guys held up a liquor store the same time my dad was there. Shot both him and the clerk. The clerk lived, but forever brain damaged. My dad was shot in the chest and he lost way too much blood before the paramedics got there." Jeff's voice broke and he buried his face in Nick's blazer. Nick pushed Jeff's hair out of his eyes and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm so sorry, Jeff," he whispered, at a loss for comforting words.

"It was his idea to send me to Dalton after what happened," Jeff said. Nick remembered the night Jeff was left bleeding outside the school dance and he had been the one to find him. "C-can we just cuddle right now, Nicky?"

"Of course, Jeffy." Nick lay on the bed and pulled Jeff close. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too."