"If you hadn't become pregnant with Hannah while you and Logan were both engaged in affairs, would it be easier for you to trust him?" Dr. Bowman asked Rory.

"I don't know… probably."

"And would you maybe not be so hard on yourself if you weren't being equally as duplicitous as he was?"

"I don't know if I was just as…"

"The only difference between what you were doing and what Logan was doing is that he'd given a ring to the person he was cheating on," Dr. Bowman pointed out carefully, so as not to elicit a negative response.

"Yeah," Rory sighed sadly. "Logan cheated on me once, and tried to give me a ring." She seemed totally unfazed by Dr. Bowman's previous remark.

"You've never mentioned either of those things before, and we've talked about Logan a lot. Tell me more about that."

"I'd rather not…"

"If you want to gloss over everything that makes you even slightly uncomfortable, that's your choice; but if that's the choice you make, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help. Therapy is a slow process with slow progress Rory –key word being slow, the progress is slow. But eventually, you have to work your way up to being strong enough to tackle some of the hard stuff. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not here to judge you; I'm a very patient person."

Rory smiled timidly and appreciatively.

"If Logan wasn't Hannah's father, I may be able to circle back around to the issue later, but the two of you share a child together; no matter what becomes of your personal, intimate relationship, you two are tied together for the rest of your lives. The whole reason you're making this effort is because you want to avoid Logan taking drastic action against you to protect Hannah. We don't have time as you might think or as either of us might like, to sweep it under the rug and come back to it later. You have to start taking about him, about the stuff you've left out so far.

"You chose to have this man's child and you chose to tell him about that child. If Logan is adding to your psychological state –which I firmly believe he is- then you must talk about it. Prove to me –better yet, prove to yourself- that you're here as more than just attention-seeking behaviour. Prove to yourself that you're here to work through your feelings –not for the fun of it, but to be a better mother and partner. That work is going to be hard and slow, but you will succeed. I'll help you. I know you can do it."

Rory sighed painfully when she realized that this wasn't a fight she was going to win. Slowly, she recounted meeting Logan during her sophomore year at Yale and how he'd turned his back on his womanizing ways to be her boyfriend. She rehashed her problems with his parents and even told Dr. Bowman about the stolen yacht and dropping out of Yale. With some difficulty, she recounted Logan's indiscretions with Honour's bridesmaids, his proposal to her at her graduation party and her ultimate rejection of the engagement ring and the avocado tree.

"Interesting," Dr. Bowman said, taking notes.

"Interesting is usually psychiatrist-speak for spotting some kind of red herring."

"Well, despite the fact that he appears to be your most significant romantic relationship, the fact that you've had a child with him is just the latest evolution of a pattern that was set in motion over a decade ago."

"My daughter's a pattern?"

"Not Hannah specifically. It's clear to me that you and Logan love each other, but what's also clear is that you have huge issues trusting him. Until I understood your full history together, I couldn't quite put my finger on why. You've never completely trusted him, have you?"

"What?" Rory asked, a little too loudly. "That's crazy. Of course I trust him."

"Love and trust are not the same thing. You love him deeply. You want –very badly- to be able to trust him with all your heart. But do you? Do you fully trust him?"

"No. I –I guess I –no, I don't. Not as much as I wish I could or I want to. I almost feel ashamed, not being able to trust him as much as I should. But why? Why can't I? How can I get to the place of trusting him like I wish I did?"

"You will, in time. But trust is earned. Both of you need to earn each other's trust in time. It's a process."

"But how did we get this way? How did I get this way, not trusting him like this? How is it that today, thirteen years after the fact, is the first time I'm admitting out loud like this that I've never been able to trust him the way I want to –the way I was sure I did? How could that never have dawned on me with such magnitude before now?" Rory asked.

"Okay, see if you can follow me," Dr. Bowman said, taking a deep breath. "Logan was a ladies' man. You weren't interested in being just another notch in his belt. You issued an ultimatum and he didn't want to lose you, so he changed. But you were always on guard –even if it was unconsciously done, a part of you was always worried that he'd default to the old habits that he loved so much. So when he did cheat, even though it was over a year into your relationship, a part of you wasn't surprised. But by then, you were completely in love with him and he was completely in love with you, which is why he gravelled so much and why you eventually did take him back, even though you knew you probably shouldn't. It's why you told him you'd forgiven him and you hadn't and he knew it.

"Logan's a rule-breaker by nature, you're not. That's why when you break rules, you have a distinct 'Go big, or go home,' attitude –that's why you stole a boat. Logan's instinctual rule-breaking nature is why he didn't fight very hard to stop you. It's why when you were away from Yale and your mom, he didn't push you as hard as you would've liked him to, to get you back on track."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

"It's what distinguishes Logan from Jess in your mind. Jess' errors were the folly of a rough, loveless childhood, raised by the school of hard knocks rather than by parents in a mansion. Miraculously, he'd wised to his mistakes by the ripe old age of twenty-one and turned his life completely around. That's why when Jess came back demanding to know what was going on with you and told you that Logan was a jerk, it hit you so hard –because you couldn't deny that he had a point. Logan was a jerk and yet, you were still in love with him –you couldn't wrap your head around such a polarizing dichotomy, but you loved him nonetheless.

"Logan has the potential to bring out the best in you, Rory. But it seems he gives you licence to be irresponsible, more seriously than you otherwise might be without his explicit or implicit encouragement. It's why you were able to have an affair with him. He's good at that kind of behaviour and you figure, so long as it's with him, the fact that you love him makes the behaviour –his and yours- somehow okay. As long as you're not the one he's pulling one over on, you seem to have little problem following his lead, even if your conscience tries tell you otherwise.

"That's part of why you're torn about Jess. Jess seems to have a moral compass that is relatively unfailing, whereas Logan can easily shift in and out of it. If Jess were Hannah's father, you could be reasonably sure that he would never do anything to hurt her intentionally, much less to save his own skin.

"Regardless of how much you love Logan, you don't have that certainty with him. Logan had no problem pushing his fiancé aside to carry on with you and you have a degree of shame about it because you let him. So you think, 'What's to prevent me from one day being in the exact same situation as his fiancé?' The last thing you want is for you and Hannah to be shoved aside for someone else and none the wiser. It's why –aside from all the obvious reasons- his fiancé was such a sore point for you after you told him about your pregnancy. It's why all the assurances he gives you now are never enough."

"Wow," Rory said quietly. "So that's what you're being paid for."

Dr. Bowman chuckled under her breath. "The most important part is not my analysis of what you tell me, or how I selectively decode some your own thoughts and feelings for you. The important part is what you do with that analysis –the work you put in, in order to recognize the real issues and how we work together change the reality you're experiencing. Your child's welfare is on the line –the stakes don't get much higher. We have to start to work through the issues surrounding Logan, because as I said earlier –you're tied together for the rest of your lives now."

"Okay."

"Let's start with the stuff that's easy to talk about. Tell me why you love him."

"Why I fell in love with him at Yale or why I love him now?"

"Both."

At the same time that Rory was in therapy, Logan was enjoying a day off. His days off were increasing because his efforts to save The Stamford Eagle Gazette were succeeding; the more well-oiled the machine became, the less he was needed. In the back of his mind, Logan pondered what he was going to do when they didn't really need him at all anymore. But he did chuckle at the knowledge that he'd managed to prove Mitchum wrong; he could practically feel the steam coming out of his father's ears as he read Logan's updates reporting success. Being able to stick it to his father gave Logan a sense of pure, childish glee.

Logan was at Rory's house. Lorelai was busy at the Dragonfly and Luke was at the diner, so he was alone with his daughter. He was sitting in the living room reading a book while Hannah napped when suddenly, he heard her start to fuss in Rory's room. When he went to check on her, he noticed she was more flushed than he'd ever seen her. He didn't need to touch her to know that something was wrong, but when he did feel her skin, he started to panic.

"Lorelai, what do I do?"

"Logan?" Lorelai said in surprise when she picked up her phone.

"She's flushed and hot and fussy. I think something's really wrong. Lorelai, what do I do?" Logan asked breathlessly. "She's my daughter and I don't even know what to do when –her mom's a basket case and her dad's good for nothing…"

"Logan, breathe. She's probably just got a slight fever. Go look under the sink in the kitchen."

"Why?"

"Do you want my help or don't you? Just do it. On the left, a few inches back from the cupboard door you'll find a thermometer and infants' Tylenol. Take the thermometer and stick it under her arm. Wait for it to beep. If it's over ninety-nine –well, let's just hope it's not over ninety-nine."

"You have stuff here? Why is it in the kitchen?"

"Do you think if Rory saw a 'baby fever preparedness kit', she'd handle it at all well? Do you think she's had enough mental wherewithal lately to know that she should have that stuff on hand, because her perfect child might just get sick? You know as well as I that she doesn't have that wherewithal. Luckily, Hannah has many others to look after her in ways that Roy doesn't seem to be ready to face just yet –like when she gets a little sick. Rory's not her usual 'prepare for every eventuality' self these days. I know you're pretty to look at Logan, and despite being an Ivy League educated pretty boy, you can be a little dense. Don't make me take back all the credit I've been giving you these past few months."

Logan found the medicine and the thermometer right where Lorelai said they would be. He did what she told him, trying to sooth Hannah as best he could while he stuck a scary looking thing under her arm. He thought he was going to hyperventilate as he waited for the thermometer to beep. "Ninety-nine point two," he said to Lorelai, taking great pains to ensure his tone was even, despite the fact that he was scared.

Lorelai hesitated for a split second. "It's okay. Follow the dosage instructions on the infants' Tylenol very carefully and watch her close. Take her temperature again in half an hour. If it's gone up at all, you need to take her to the doctor. If the fever is the same and she doesn't seem better –a little perkier- in an hour, take her to the doctor."

"Okay."

"Call me if you need anything, but I think you should be all right. Logan, just look after her. You may not think you know how, but trust me, you do. You're her dad. You may have needed my help to know what to do about her fever, that's normal –but you know how to be her dad, you know how to look after her, you know how to comfort her."

"Thanks."

"When's Rory due home?"

"I don't know –a while."

"Just keep Hannah calm –and keep yourself calm when you're explaining it to Rory," Lorelai said with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, right," Logan sighed. "All right, I'm gonna go. Get the medicine in her and then just… sit with her until she calms. Thanks Lorelai." He disconnected the call before bringing the medicine and thermometer in to his daughter, where she lay in her crib in Rory's room.

He picked up his daughter gently and looked down at her lovingly. Balancing her so that she was laid on her back in his lap, he measured out the dosage of the medicine carefully and quickly on a small baby spoon, before pulling her up into his arms and supporting her head as he fed it to her. "You sure do know how to make your dad worry about you there, Nannah," he said quietly, kissing her forehead softly, his heart breaking at how warm she felt and how uncomfortable she must be. Logan placed her gently back in her crib and didn't leave her side after that, watching her as she slept and relived when she woke a short time later and her normal colour seemed to be returning. She was calmer within the hour of getting the meds; her fever had gone down to only ninety-eight point seven, much to Logan's great relief.

He was doing everything in such a dizzy blur and he was so frazzled and scared that he hadn't thought to put the baby Tylenol and thermometer back under the sink where he'd found them. All the remnants of Logan's panic and Hannah's minor fever were on full display on the kitchen table when Rory arrived home two hours later, after the ordeal had unfolded.

"Hi," Rory said slowly, noticing how on edge Logan seemed to be. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Logan said, fatigue and adrenaline coursing through his veins in equal measure.

Rory cast her eyes to the kitchen table, where she saw the infants' Tylenol, a baby thermometer, a damp cloth and a baby spoon. "What's all this? Logan, what happened?"

"She was fussy. When I checked on her I noticed she was a bit flushed; she felt warm, so I –"

"She was running a fever?!"

"A small one."

"It doesn't matter how –!"

"She's fine, Ace. I gave her some infants' Tylenol and stayed in your room with her. Her fever broke, just before you walked in the door. She's okay."

"Did you take her to the doctor? How could you take her to the pediatrician and get back here and do all this before I got home?" Rory asked, feeling panic rise within her. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"Yes. Rory," Logan let out a sigh. "I called your mom. She told me what to do. She had all this stuff here –the thermometer, the Tylenol- just in case something like this happened. Your mom talked me through everything –trust me, I was just as panicked as you. I promise you, Hannah is fine."

"You're sure?"

"I took her temperature again five minutes ago. It's back to normal. This happens. Sometimes, babies get fevers. We'll watch her close for the rest of the day to make sure it doesn't come back, but she should be fine. I called the pediatrician after I did everything your mom said to make sure and she said this is the exactly what we should be doing."

Rory let out a tiny sob and ran into her bedroom, where she found Hannah, fast asleep. She leaned down and pressed her lips to her daughter's head, careful not to wake her –she didn't feel abnormally warm anymore –Logan must've been right. She walked back out to the kitchen with her shoulders slumped.

Logan rose from the chair he was sitting in to wrap his arms around her. He kissed her head softly. "It's okay, Ace," he whispered. "How'd it go today?"

"Good, sort of –I think," Rory whispered. "Logan, I –I…"

"What? You can tell me."

"I –I don't –I don't trust you as much as I wish I could. I know you love me, and you love Hannah, and you're here putting up with me and you'd do anything to protect her… even… I know that, and that's all good. But, objectively, given the history we're coming from I –I have trust issues. It doesn't mean I don't love you –that I don't want to love you- or that I think you don't love Hannah. I know you do. I do love you, and I'm so glad you're here. But I –I don't know if I trust you. And I'm going to work on it, but –I don't know how long it'll take for that trust to come," Rory said quietly, without looking at him.

Logan sighed sadly. "That makes sense, I guess. I'm glad you could tell me that… a few weeks ago, I don't think you would've."

"Probably not," she admitted.

"I'm not under the impression that I won't mess up, or that we won't butt heads… but… one day at a time is all we can do. Let's just try –let's try not to push each other away. Even if we're not exactly on the best ground –can we try not to push each other any further away?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Okay, good."

"Hannah's really fine?" Rory asked, looking up at Logan with wide eyes.

"Hannah's really fine," Logan promised. "I took care of her."

"So, wait, where'd you two meet then?" Jess asked. "Did you ever tell me?"

Ella blushed.

"You really have to stop doing that –looking like I'm going to assign prayers as pennants if I don't like your answer. He's your boyfriend. We're having dinner with him. Would you prefer I ask him how you two met? He's probably going to be surprised that you didn't tell me yourself."

"Remember at Luke's diner, that Asian woman who wanted the reverend to pray for me…?"

"This just got a hell of a lot more interesting than I ever thought it would be…"

"It wasn't… exactly like that, but it was similar. I was at Starbucks and some elderly guy with a cane hobbled over to me and started telling me about the time he broke his hip and 'What did you break, little lady?' and his brother who had polio and used a wheelchair –"

"Oh dear God," Jess rolled his eyes.

"I know right?" Ella laughed. "This guy would not leave me alone. Why I'm a magnet for every elderly person with some kind of infirmity is beyond me –like, no, we do not share some amazing bond –Cripples Unite! is not a thing. Anyway, he was talking my ear off –and I guess I wasn't hiding my pain very well; Mike was sitting at the table behind me and got up and called me 'sweetie' and started going on about how he didn't see me there and he must've been waiting for me at the wrong table. He kissed me on the cheek and I guess it made the old guy sheepish or uncomfortable or something, because he finally left."

"Equal parts bold –ballsy, even- and smooth. I like it. He's also lucky you liked it, or he would've been a dead, formerly bold –formerly ballsy, even- and formally smooth guy."

"I thought he was pretty gorgeous, so I let him get away with it. He offered to buy me another tea, so I let him."

"Good for you," Jess smiled. "He hasn't turned crazy, has he?"

"If he had, do you really think we'd all be having dinner together?"

"Good point. What time is he getting here?"

"Any minute now. I told Greg and Kristen to be here at seven. She offered to bring her homemade meatloaf."

"Nice. My God, I haven't socialized with four different people at once in a good long while."

"I know. I'm glad you're finding your way out of the dark place," Ella said gently. "The Jess I know is a much more common presence than he has been for the last few months. You're okay, Mariano."

"Yeah, I feel more normal than I have in –but, before everyone gets here, I do have to tell you… when we were in Stars Hollow, I may have agreed to spend Thanksgiving with Luke. In Stars Hollow."

Ella very badly wanted to jump in, but she sensed the explanation she was looking for was about to be given to her.

"Last year, right before his and Lorelai's wedding, I may have mentioned that it'd be nice to spend next Thanksgiving with him –"

"And next Thanksgiving is now this Thanksgiving."

"Right. He brought it up a few weeks ago when we were talking on the phone. Said he knew that with everything that's happened since his wedding, that in Stars Hollow might be the last place I would ever want to be, but he wanted to check. Give me enough time to think about it, change my mind –a lot, if necessary. When we were in Stars Hollow last week, when the two of us were upstairs getting the dresser drawers, I told him –tentatively- that I'd come."

"Wow," Ella said when he'd finished explaining. "That's –a lot."

"I know," Jess sighed. "Am I insane? Is this a terrible thing to even tentatively have agreed to?"

"Does Rory know?"

"I made him promise not to say anything to her or Lorelai, in case I do change my mind."

Ella took a deep breath and searched out Jess' dark eyes with her own before offering her thoughts. "No, I don't think you're insane. I think you've been keeping to yourself for a long time trying to come to terms with everything, and you're getting there. But part of coming to terms with it is facing it –facing Rory, being around Hannah. I think you wish you didn't have such a bond with that baby –I think part of you wishes that over the last few months, that bond would've felt diminished, but it hasn't. I think you really do want to be part of that child's life, and if you have any chance of doing that and finding a way to make peace with Rory so that you can all find a way to be friends, while all loving Hannah, you know your golden hour is coming to a close. Soon, you have to start tentatively wading back in, or you might never find normalcy with Rory again; and if you can't do that, you won't be able to find a way to love Hannah without it hurting you. I think you see this as an opportunity –and you're not wrong. I think you're approaching with extreme caution, which is smart –you're allowing yourself to back out at any time, which isn't stupid, it's smart. I think you're doing your best. And I think your best in this situation is a hell of a lot better than almost anyone else's best."

Jess smirked.

"No matter what you decide –if you go, or if you back out, I support you. Even if you do the thing that you'll assume makes you weak, I'll be here to smack some sense into you and tell you, the last thing that it makes you is weak. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Hey. So Mike's having Thanksgiving dinner with me at my dad's. You have a standing invitation for pie and coffee, possibly a second helping of turkey. Or a first, followed by a second, if need be."

"What?"

"If you feel like you need to get out, you can tell everyone you have somewhere to be. You're dining and dashing for a reason. No one will be able to fault you for it. If they try to, tell them to come pick a fight with me –if they dare. And if you decide not to go at all, there'll be a place at my dad's table set for you, either way."

Jess chuckled softly and pulled Ella into a tight hug. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome."

Jess had a much better time at dinner with Ella, Mike and Greg and Kristen than he expected. It was actually almost easy to be normal and spend a nice, low-key night with friends.

Mike seemed to be a very good fit for Ella and he was happy for them –the more he got to know this guy, the more he liked him, which was uncommon for Jess in general, much less when the guy in question seems to have stolen his best friend's heart.

Mike was just a genuinely good guy –someone whom, a little over a decade ago, Jess would've had a hard time not punching in the face. Secretly, he was convinced Ella's boyfriend was Canadian; it was the only thing that explained how naturally nice he was; it offered the slightest, most remote explanation for why Jess bought into it at all. If Americans were that nice, they deserved to get punched in the face; odds were, a lot of Americans with Mike's degree of niceness were either lying, or not very bright, in Jess' view. Mike denied any direct ties to their great northern neighbours, but Jess still had his suspicions.

The night wasn't without its awkward moments, though –regardless of the fun that was had by all. Greg's wife Kristen –another person Jess found annoyingly lovable; when had he become such a softie? Kristen was insistent that she had a friend who was perfect for Jess.

He'd been single for a long time, so he couldn't fault her for noticing; he didn't even assume that Greg had shared his concerns over Jess' single status with her. Despite the fact that she was his friend's wife, Jess also considered Kristen a friend of his own, which is why it was so awkward; what he wouldn't have given to have been able to be rude and abrupt with her. Kristen didn't mean any harm, but Jess must've bitten his tongue and his lip at least half a dozen times as she told him all about her friend and why they'd be such a good match.

In the back of his mind, he knew he'd have to start dating eventually, but eventually didn't feel like now; eventually felt like –eventually.

To her credit, Ella tried to change the subject to save Jess from the discomfort, but Kristen persevered, undaunted. In the end, Jess heard her out and told her he wasn't exactly in the right headspace to be set up at the moment, but when he was, he'd let her know; if this –or any other friend of hers she thought was right for him was game for a setup when he was ready, he'd consider it. When the time was right for him, he would give Kristen permission to play matchmaker once or twice if she really wanted to.

Kristen had no idea how lucky she was that Jess liked her.