Chapter 36

-I'll be there for you-

October 12th, 1806

Thuringia, Prussia

(2 days before the disastrous Battle of Jena-Auerstedt for the Prussians)

Julia and Varyn were standing across from each other, arguing about the present developments in their already failing campaign against the seemingly unstoppable Napoleon.

They had started this coalition rather foolheartedly, believing to have more support initially against the French, but so far only Prussia, Reikland, and Saxony were really involved so far. The Russians had barely mobilized yet, the British were actually always technically at war with France but had not done much so far, and the Swedes had varying loyalty.

Even the Reikish had not been able do much since the Prussian King, Friedrich Wilhelm II, decided to start the conflict earlier than he anticipated, leaving him somewhat unready to make advances against the French. Instead Varyn himself came to advise the Prussians while his military officially readied itself, but this proved not too helpful in light of their recently defeats and the fact that he had to leave that very same day.

So here he was, trying to convince the albino woman not to engage the advancing French after their disaster two days ago. "Julia, don't just fight this battle because you think you have to. I know that you are a very reactive person, but please reconsider this."

Prussia knew he was right, but she couldn't bring herself to admit that. "Varyn have confidence in me, the Prussian army will withstand the French campaign into Germany; we are defending our homeland. We have faced much worse odds and now we outnumber their troops."

"Julia the French have already proved themselves to be able to decisively defeat a force much larger than their own. Plus, they have already beaten you in Saalfeld, some of your men have low morale, and you still use battle tactics from nearly thirty years ago. Please, don't do this; don't fight a battle you know you can't win."

This however only irritated Prussia. She had seen humiliating defeats these last few years, her and Varyn's union had been dissolved by Frederick William II and she had not been able to see him as often, her brother whom she had known her whole life had died, she was under so much stress recently with the French seeming to be invincible with no stopping them in sight, unless she could in the next few days, and now she was being told off by her lover who thought so little of her.

"Stop treating me like a kid Varyn! I can handle this! I don't need you to advise me on how to do everything, I can do it on my own!" She shouted, angry that he such little faith in her that he believed he needed to babysit her.

The dirty blonde frowned, but he didn't get angry; he could understand to a degree what the younger nation was going through. He then looked out the window into the fading daylight and sighed.

"Julia what's happened to us?"

"What?"

"This... isn't how we used to be… I don't want to become distant with you."

"No I get that… but don't you mean 'what's happened to you'? As far as I can tell I'm the one that's changed and that's being so irritable right now. Why aren't you questioning that instead?"

"Jules that's not how a relationship works, you can't just blame how things are going all onto one person. When we said our vows we bonded ourselves as equals; we both share the blessings and burdens of our relationship. And that means that if things aren't working out it's very much likely because of both of us; I'm not going to accuse you of something when I'm only seeing half the picture. So please Julia, if I'm doing anything wrong you need to tell me without hesitation. And by the off chance that it's just circumstantial and that neither of us are in the wrong then you need to talk to me; what's upsetting you, how did this start, and what can I do to help? It might be hard but I just need you to talk to me okay?"

Julia looked at him but didn't say anything.

Varyn sighed. At least he could say that he tried. "I'll have to leave soon or I'll be late for my journey back home, so I will say this last thing." He sat down across from the woman and folded his arms.

"Julia, I have lost many people I have known and loved in my life. They have been stripped away from me when I least expected and some have died because of my actions or lack thereof. So please understand that I don't want to lose anyone else, especially you, and that I am just trying to look out for you. So I'm sorry if I come off as overprotective or overbearing, just know that I love you okay? I would do anything to keep you safe."

He then kissed her forehead, and exited the room. But before he left, he turned around and smiled at the woman who was staring at him, surprised by his affection when she had yelled at him before. "I hope you'll make the right decision Jules."

"Wait." She said softly, almost a whisper. But the Celt heard it anyways and stopped immediately to look at her.

"Varyn… I'm sorry, it's no excuse but I've been… immensely stressed out these past couple years…"

He closed the door and entered back into the room. "I noticed recently, I wished I recognized it sooner… here's a little advice though Julia: if you ever think you're at your lowest point in life, it only means that things can get better. Trust me, hardships are practically an everyday thing for me… but I get through them, just like you'll need to, come time. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's possible."

Her eyes averted his gaze, almost ashamed to look at him. "I know… it's just… I'm afraid that I'm not myself at points and I don't know what to do at times…"

She looked like she was about to cry, and he could not have that. He walked over to her and embraced her tightly. "I know what that's like, you feel like a stranger in your own mind, questioning everything you do or have done. But that's why you need to rely on others Jules. You have friends, and you have me, it's okay to lean on us every now and then, because you shouldn't have to do anything alone."

Julia didn't know what to say, so instead she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. "Varyn… thank you."

They stood there just like that for awhile. Soon they didn't even know how much time had passed, it could have been minutes or an hour. But eventually Julia pulled away slightly.

"I-I'd love for you to stay but didn't you just say that you have to leave?"

Varyn smirked. "I think I can stay the night instead, what kind of man would I be to leave you now?"

"A diligent one."

"I'm diligent in my love for you." He retorted.

Prussia giggled lightly and she hugged him once more. "Maybe. Best behave yourself tonight then if you're staying."

"Hmmm, I don't know if that will be possible."

"Ugh, and here I was dreaming of a long night's sleep." She joked, taking him by the hand and leading him further into the estate they were in.

July, 1807

Groningen, Kingdom of Holland

After the defeat of the 4th Coalition

How did this happen… how did we fail so decisively?

This thought bombarded the Prussian's mind as she sat besides her semi-conscious lover. Echoes of when her brother died three years ago in a similar position remained fresh in her memory and terrified her.

The Netherlands entered the room at that moment and walked towards the two on the bed.

"Has he really been like this since the battle? For six months?" Julia asked the Dutch man.

"Yes. I can't believe it myself, hardly anyone of us have had an injury afflict us for so long. But then again I doubt any have had an injury as severe as Varyn. His heart and jugular were almost completely destroyed, and possibly also one of his lungs was damaged, so air and blood can't easily pass through his body. I can't imagine it being easy to heal like that."

Tim tried to comfort her though, not wanting to make the situation seem too bleak. "But he is getting better, at least now his breathing is more steady, before it was hardly coming in shallow gasps with-"

"Tim." She interrupted. "Please, I'd rather not hear about that right now."

"Right. Sorry." He apologized.

The Celt's hand twitched at that moment, almost like it was reaching out to grasp something, so Julia took it in her own hand and squeezed gently, trying to comfort him… to let him know she was there.

"I feel so guilty… he's practically always been there for me, but at a time like this I wasn't able to be there for him…" Julia sighed.

The Dutch man laid a hand on her shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up about it. You had your own important things to do, and with how hectic the world is right now you can't expect someone to always be there for you. I'm positive he'd forgive you if he could right now."

"I know… I just feel so useless recently. It's like I can't do anything right. It's times like these where I need him the most… and yet he's unable to do anything because he tried to help me… to help all of us…"

The woman took a deep breath. "I just wished he knew how much I appreciate everything he does, because simply words can't describe it."

Varyn's hand moved again, but this time firmly gripping Julia's, squeezing it as she had done. At the same time his breathing settled a little, his whole body relaxing somewhat.

Tim noticed this exchanged and grinned ever so slightly. "I think he heard you."

Julia chuckled and kissed the dirty blonde's forehead. "I think so too."

But a tear dripped onto his skin, soon more following.

"Julia…?" Tim asked, suddenly worried.

"I'm fine." She muttered. "I… I just can't stand to see him in such a state."

"He'll get better, you know that. Everything will be alright."

"Nothing's 'alright'." She replied harshly and bitterly. "Nothing has been 'alright' ever since Francis decided he wanted to turn the world upside-down. Stupid fucking frog and his stupid republican ideas."

"No offense Tim." She added to the nation that had already been a republic for more than two hundred years.

"None taken." He said casually. "But remember that we have all faced hardships before. This isn't going to be the end end of the world."

"It's going to be for Francis." Julia said, spitting out the name that she hated so much. "Maybe not soon but one day he'll get revenge for what he's done to me and my loved ones. And he's going to have wished he never crossed me."

"That sounds slightly ominous." Tim remarked.

"Good… would you mind leaving us for a little while? I would like to be alone with him."

"As you wish." The Dutch man said, bowing slightly and removing himself from the lovers' presence.

A faint sigh passed the albino's lips. Julia laid down besides the bedridden man and curled up to him. She watched his chest rise and fall with every breath and was relieved to observe that it seemed normal. Or at least normal enough for someone who had his throat and one of his lungs pierced with a three meter lance.

She traced his cheek gently with her hand and let it rest on his torso.

"Please wake up for me Var. I need you. I need you so much more right now than I've ever needed you before. So please, please wake up." She whispered into his ear despite knowing it was in vain.

And wake up he did not. Not for another two months.