Later that afternoon, Lexa is with the other natblidas for their afternoon sessions. They've been working hard and are currently focusing on fitness and cardio under her observation.
Titus is hovering but she has no eyes or ears for him today; he has been extra clingy and insistent at whispering in her ear whenever Clarke is absent. His advisements, to no ones surprise, are mostly against whatever he sees and considers a result of Clarke's influence.
His major issue the last four days has been the changes he sees in Kai, he blames her confusion on Clarke's influence; he fails to recognize the inner turmoil that existed writhing Kai since the festival that comes not from Clarke's influence but from their culture itself. He fails to see her struggling with the monster's leash.
No, Clarke hasn't changed Kai much at all - Clarke has simply nurtured what was already there.
Clarke did change Lexa though; if the blonde had not reintroduced Lexa to who she used to be before she lost Costia, she thinks she may have missed the struggle Kai was having as well.
She can feel his agitation growing with her each day. She doesn't miss the small glint of menace in his eye each time she goes against his advisements. It's not a particularly new event but it is getting to be more and more common as the months pass. She keeps her eyes on him both figuratively and literally more for Clarke's safety than any other concern; aside from his heated words of advice he has done nothing suspicious.
She has Kai numbering off the students reps while Lexa counts off their rotations with a sand timer. Every five minutes she has them switching tasks between five workouts.
When they are finished and ready for their afternoon break before dinner she is almost ready to let them depart with a final note: look after each other.
She knows few will understand to what depth she means but she knows she should not need to go further into an explanation than that; those truly wise will see her meaning.
It may seem harsh but lexa is a firm believer that their true character and personality is always revealed on day one of their arrival. She always has an initial opinion within the first minute, she has a solid view by the end of the first hour.
Growing up as a natblida and becoming Heda has given her a special vantage point to see how a decision can, in fact, be made on first impression. Though each natblida is brought up the same way only some respond correctly. Torn from your family, thrown into a life you may not want, tested and pushed to your limits the day you arrive is revealing.
Harsh but telling.
Necessary but brutal.
Life on the ground doesn't wait for you to adjust; you must adjust as you go, absorb and alter with the changes around you or fall behind.
First impressions, especially those in the face of adversity, are important for commanders or those with the potential to be.
Aden left an impression on his first day. Zora left an impression on her first day.
Maks made an impression on his final day.
Kai left an impression every day.
"That's all for today natblidas, well done, your efforts today have made me proud."
The group sets off to the tower and lexa watches eagerly, she's watching for another sign. One that she's been waiting for for days. One she hopes she facilitated earlier that morning.
Typically, the natblidas fall in line behind Aden and Zora being the most promising and oldest of the group; but their leaders aren't here right now so they've been walking out of order in more of a large mass without anyone specifically leading.
And then, as they begin to get farther from her and where she stands in the courtyard, she sees what she expected.
The group seems to hear something and their heads lift; seconds later and the mass shifts; they fall into their typical line but this time behind Kai and a small smile falls to Lexa's lips.
Shes pleased with both herself and Kai, it seems her talk earlier really made a difference this time. She's glad the girls confidence is back; she has the respect of her fellow natblidas from her ordeal at the festival and she can see it clearly in this small display.
It also shows how natural it is for Kai to lead.
Lexa once did the very same thing many years ago as one of Anya's youngest seconds. Aden did it his first day in polis without even knowing the route, at first she thought he may be too cocky, but what impressed lexa was him simply using his head and asking a sentry for directions. He proved to her quickly that he wasn't too proud and had every right to be a cocky little shit sometimes.
Lexa begins to walk towards the tower now as well, Titus bows and follows although he remains a few feet behind. Her eyes are trained on the group of students.
The youngest of the group walks with her head held high and her shoulders pulled back. She looks authoritative for a seven year old, a leader of the young for now, but a leader nonetheless. Smolheda, lexa internally smirks.
She's never been part of or known a commander's noviciate class to carry not one but three potential commander's as well as she sees them to be. It makes her proud but also slightly wary. (Way more than slightly, that's a huge lie.) If she falls they'll have to battle each other; she furrows her brow as she begins to walk into the tower as well, her mind drifts to the brutality of the conclave.
Again, her hands flex and and clamp as she feels the sticky black blood of her brothers and sisters.
By the time she's inside she's more convinced than ever.
The conclave must be altered.
The lexa side of her won't let them kill each other for her or their people. They're too good, too pure, and full of too much potential. Even the ones she believes will never be chosen by the commander's spirit. The conclave only equals more death to their kind, a waste of something meant to be sacred, treasured, revered.
The heda side shakes her head disapprovingly, not because she doesn't agree, but because changing tradition is dangerous.
Changing tradition means once again defying Titus; this time on a more rigid matter. She can already hear his vehement insistence against it.
As lexa bathes and dresses to relax for a few hours before dinner she is writing in her journal when she hears the knock on her door.
"Enter."
"Whatcha doin'" raven bubbles as she comes sauntering in.
"Brooding I think Octavia would say," lexa quips closing her journal and tucking it in her pocket. "What's going on? What's all this...excitement for?"
"She's alive!" Raven exclaims. "She's alive," she repeats in a deeper voice complete with raised palm hand gestures.
Lexa furrows her brow in response and frowns.
Ravens mouth drops open before she rolls her eyes in annoyance, "I forgot you guys never had movies. That's from Frankenstein."
"That's a book."
"Then you get what I'm saying."
"Not at all. Who did you bring to life?"
"The rover! The death machine lives! The beast is alive!" She repeats the hand gestures.
Her excitement is contagious and lexa can't help but feel her spirits pick up simply on the sight of raven alone. She loves seeing her friend like this and Lexas grin is a wide as ravens right now.
Before lexa can even stand up raven is at her side pulling her by the hand like a child. "What are you waiting for? let's goooo!"
With that the two are in the elevator and heading down.
"Just gotta grab one thing," raven says as the lift stops about halfway down the tower.
When she returns she literally has grabbed that one thing and has her cradled against her chest.
"Raven she's still asleep," lexa hisses as the mechanic enters the elevator again.
"Think of how pumped she's gonna be when she wakes up," raven says quietly, "besides I promised her she could have the first ride and I'm not about to break a promise to this little bean."
Lexa purses her lips before she gently brushes Kai's hair off her face while it rests on Ravens shoulder, "I don't blame you."
"Come on lex," raven says while she's in the front seat of the rover.
Kai is in the back still asleep and lexa is staring at the passenger seat, door ajar, with extreme cautiousness. Her jaw is jutting left and right and her right hand is gripping the top of the door with a vice like grip.
There are a few things on her mind; the first, she hates confinement, and this metal box with wheels is the definition of; the second, it has a gigantic gun mounted on the hood; the third, can raven even drive?
"If you don't get in I'm stealing your natblida stowaway," raven tries again gesturing with her thumb to the back seat.
Lexa purses her lips; She gets in the front seat and shuts the door. It's loud and she flinches. (She really hates confinement and metal okay, give her a break.) "if I die Clarke's going to kill you."
"Noted," the mechanic says looking behind her at a now waking Kai. "Afternoon sleepy head."
"Auntie Rae? Where are we, what's going on?" Kai asks rubbing her eyes from sleep.
"Inside the rover squirt."
"Inside?" Kai blurts out as she looks around. She feels the metal walls experimentally, "I thought you rode on it."
Raven brings the machine to life; lexa clutches the dashboard; Kai looks around nervously; the engine roars.
"Hold on kids," raven says with a maniacal look on her face.
"Oh fuck," lexa says as the beast lurches forward.
Raven cackles and Kai creeps a little closer to the two in front so she can see out the windshield.
They pull out of the city in a burst of speed to many startled and shocked looks.
Lexa begins to loosen the tension in her shoulders as she gets used to the machine. It helps that raven is proving to be more than acceptable at driving.
They drive for quite a while but to no where in particular. They don't drift far from the city as they brought no guards for the impromptu joy ride.
Raven connects an old world music player and lexa feels her problems and worries drifting away with the scenery; she finds herself completely present in the moment - something that typically only happens when Clarke is around.
"Kai, pop that hatch!" Raven points at the ceiling of the machine.
Kai stumbles as she reaches for the spinning knob. She throws open the hatch and a rush of air comes into the cabin.
"No way," Kai bubbles excitedly popping her head through, but just her head because she's too short. "I can't see properly!"
"Looks like you're up commander," raven glances at lexa who has yet to remove her hands from the death claw on the dash.
Lexa looks back nervously and nods. She can do this. She lets go and takes a breath, that's a good step. She hesitantly and quite awkwardly climbs to the back and looks up at the hole.
She sees ice blue looking back against a cool grey sky. Kai furrows her brow then softens and reaches out her hand, "I was afraid at first too, but this is great! It's safe, you can trust me."
Lexa smiles back at the gesture; she does trust Kai and so she takes her hand and stands to pop her shoulders and head out. She is met wish gusting wind that whips her hair off her shoulders. The wind only slightly dims the sound of Ravens blaring music and the speed makes her eyes water; but she finds she doesn't mind and she's not surprised at the giant grin that has grown on her face.
She feels a tug on her sleeve making her look down to see a smiling yet very impatient looking Kai. "I want to see what you see."
Lexa nods and looks at the hole, she needs to be able to hang on, the terrain is too bumpy not to be jostled. She bends lower and turns her body, "my back, hold on tight okay?"
Instantly the tiny body is gripping her in a piggy back. Lexa chuckles and stands, careful to hang on and ease them both through the opening.
"Wooooh!" Kai screams into the wind as soon as they break free of the confines.
Lexas heart fucking soars right along with her voice because, that right there, was so rewarding. She finds herself becoming less and less nervous of the machine and enjoying it right along with Kai and raven. (Definitely not as much as raven though.)
"Thank you Noumon," Kai's small whisper against her ear melts lexa.
She puts a hand on one of the arms around her neck sliding it to grasp one of her tiny hands, "I had very little to do with this little one."
"You trust me," Kai clarifies. "You came out of the hatch!"
"Sha yongon," lexa squeezes. "Thank you for making me brave."
"Do you think she'll let me you know drive it?" Kai looks back to the hole and shouts this time, "auntie Rae can I drive?"
"Sure-"
"Not a chance in hell," lexa cuts her off. "Clarke will kill you, then kill me then come back for seconds."
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," raven says.
"Not happening."
"Sorry squirt I tried!"
Kai hums in Lexas ear and let's go of her neck while squeezing her thighs on Lexas hips allowing her to stretch her arms wide. "I'm not even mad."
When evening is falling they have eaten and retired to their quarters; lexa is relaxing in bed with a book (Frankenstein) by candlelight.
Her eyes are heavy and drooping after the excitement today and she does nothing to stifle her yawn.
She pauses and rubs her chest when she feels a wave of nerves; definitely not from her.
A moment later and the balcony is lit with flames. Lexa drops her book and gets up crossing the distance by the time the flames go out.
"Clarke?"
The blonde comes flying through the doors and straight into Lexas arms. Her head buried into her chest and clutching her right. Lexa runs a hand on the back of her head, "Clarke?"
"I had to see you," comes the muffled response.
Lexa furrows her brow, "what's wrong?"
Clarke leans back and blue meets green.
"I have a small problem."