CH 37: The Price of Friendship

Normandy SR-2 (Deep Space).

Most of the time after a successful mission James was happy to dump his gear, grab a hot shower and then catch up with his team mates to go over every detail of the mission and learn any lessons. James was a firm believer that after every operation you had to look at what could have been done better so you didn't make the same mistakes next time. However usually he had no objections to doing so over a cold beer.

Right now though all James wanted to do was sit in a dark room alone with his thoughts and try to process all the crap he had seen down there. He sat on the end of his bed, his head in his hands as he breathed deeply trying to make sense of it all. Problem is you can't make sense of insanity.

Joker's voice cut in suddenly over the com disrupting his thoughts, "Ugh commander, Jack and Miranda are in the middle of a…..disagreement. You know cat fights are normally a big turn on for me but can you head it off before they get out of hand and you know, tear out a bulk head!"

James rose in an instant, he did not need this crap right now but his needs came after the crew and damn it he was not going to allow everything they had all worked so hard to build up to be thrown away now. "I'll deal with it" he snapped instantly.

"Take pictures" replied Joker with a laugh, badly misjudging his boss's mood.

James strode towards Miranda's office with a seriously pissed off expression on his face. The doors hissed open as he arrived in time to see Jack grab a chair with her biotics and hurl it across the room at Miranda.

"Touch me and I will smear the wall with you bitch" yelled Jack.

Miranda sidestepped gracefully and with a gesture she was wreathed in the glow of biotics and deflected the chair away smoothly. She turned to face Jack in a loose stance ready to move, the residual glow of biotics still surrounding her.

"That is enough" snapped James as he stepped into the room feeling his temper flare, "What in the name of god is going on?"

"The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong" replied Jack acidly getting in Miranda's face.

Miranda walked round her coolly, looking at Jack with an expression full of anger and distain.

"It wasn't Cerberus, not really" she replied her voice full of barely controlled venomous rage, "But clearly you were a mistake."

Jack had turned away from her apparently not interested what Miranda had to say but that hit the mark, as she'd surely intended.

"Screw you" yelled Jack whirling round and sticking her finger in Miranda's face, pointing aggressively right between her eyes. "You've got no idea what they put me through. Maybe it's time I showed you."

Something snapped inside James, he had had enough and his last nerve just went, "That is enough" he snarled anger filling his voice and they both turned surprised by the outburst to look at him.

When he spoke his voice didn't sound angry, it was a powerful, deadly calm which hammered home the strength behind every word.

"I have just spent my day in a depraved hell hole where children were tortured to death for some sick freak of a science experiment so I apologise but I am just not in the mood for another episode of the Jack and Miranda show, NO" this last cut them off as they both tried to interrupt him, "No, you both get to listen to me now. What we are doing may be the single most important undertaking in human history since Yuri Gagarin went into space. This is bigger than me, it's bigger than you and it's defiantly bigger than your damn egos."

He turned on Jack and looked her right in the eyes, "I sympathise with you Jack after today more than ever and I will do everything I can to help you. But whatever else happened we're in Miranda's office, you came here looking for a fight and that is unacceptable."

"Fuck that she owes me….." began Jack but Shepard cut her off.

"Bottom line when you came on board you and I made a deal, remember what I said 'Start no trouble and you'll get none from me.' Well up until now our arrangement has held, if you cannot hold up your end then we will have to re-visit the deal. You want to be here then you don't make trouble."

"Well put Shepard" said Miranda and Jack glared at him angrily, but he ignored the look and turned to Miranda, his eyes hard.

"Miranda I'm not done. Jack's been through all kinds of hell, if you can't help her then back off give her some space because quite frankly having seen what happened down there I think she handles it exceptionally well."

Miranda gave him a look of anger and betrayal but he ignored it, he was seething with anger. Jack too was looking extremely pissed off but at least they were listening.

James spoke faster now, his tone more raw, "If there is the slightest chance of us succeeding let alone surviving you are going to have to pull together. Do you get that?"

There was a long, deadly pause during which it was so quiet that Shepard could hear all of them breathing fast…then finally Miranda broke the silence.

"I can put aside my differences…..until the mission is over" she said, visibly controlling her anger as her eyes flashed at both of them.

"Fuck it" shot back Jack contemptuously, "I'll do my part, would hate to see her die before I get to fillet her myself. Mean time screw you."

James glared hard and took a deep breath, he was about to say something but Jack was already striding for the door. She was gone before he could say anything. James turned back to face Miranda who had stalked back to her desk, "Miranda…." he started.

She looked up at him, her eyes full of anger, "Was there anything else Shepard?" she asked oh so coolly.

James sighed deeply realising saying anything else was pointless, "No" he replied with a deep sigh, "No that's all."

He turned and walked out of Miranda's office hearing the door hiss close behind him.

James wondered how instead of pulling everything together he'd managed to piss off and alienate two members of his team including the woman he was falling for. He cursed himself for thinking about that, losing his temper, for not being a better leader and for having this stinking command.

James glared viciously at the ceiling, 'Did I do something to piss you off or do you just enjoy screwing with me' he thought savagely. Then he decided cursing the divine was unlikely to get him anywhere so he waited till he was in the elevator alone and the doors were close before slamming his fist into the bulkhead, hard.

It helped a little, after a few deep breaths he was able to clear his head and think more clearly.

On the downside he was pretty sure he'd just broken his fingers.

Miranda glared at the monitor, she tried to deal with what had just happened. She was angry now, angrier than she had been in a long time.

How could Shepard be so blind, so stupid? How could he blame her for Jack's constant disruption and all the problems she caused, how could he not see that this was all Jack's malicious attempts to destroy everything she had worked to build up?

And then Miranda had another thought, 'Why do you care so much?'

It came at her out of the blue. She'd never cared before weather or not Shepard trusted or respected her. The only person who's respect she'd ever desired apart from her own had been the Illusive Man's. Now though she felt betrayed and hurt that Shepard hadn't automatically sided with her.

She blinked rapidly, took a breath and got a hold of her emotions, forcing herself to flood her veins with the famous Miranda Lawson ice cold calm.

There was no point getting irrational about this. From a purely practical point of view Shepard had established a workable if unsatisfactory compromise. She could maintain a workable relationship with Jack as long as the other woman didn't do anything stupid, if she did then Miranda would deal with her permanently, but for now at least she thought Shepard had the little psychopath under control.

Her relationship with Shepard was far more complicated and difficult to manage. She was furious with him and doubly so because he'd shown her up by resolving her argument with Jack.

She knew she had to do something, but right now she couldn't think of anything, her mind was filled with anger. She sat down at her computer and glared at it her face twisted in anger.

'Damn him, damn him, damn him the son of a bitch...'

'And damn her to hell for letting him get under her skin and making her feel this way.'

James had thought about going to straight from Miranda's office to see Jack but had decided not to, after that hellish mission and the bust up that followed they all needed time to cool off.

So James had strapped up his aching hand and found a physical outlet for his anger and frustration. He'd spent the afternoon working out in the cargo bay and he hadn't been the only one. Jacob had been there which was no surprise he often was but Garrus was there was well. They spent the afternoon pushing each other hard, doing cardio and weights until they were breathing heavily.

Then James grabbed a shower and strapped up his aching hand again and then headed down to see Jack. As he was walking out of the door he noticed something on the shelves above his desk and a thought struck him, "Congratulations genius. Christ if you were any slower you'd be going backwards" he berated himself as he stuffed the object in his jacket pocket.

She was sitting in her usual place in the depths of the ship sitting with her hands on her knees glaring moodily at the deck plates, "Hey" she said as he approached without looking up. Given everything she seemed remarkably calm.

"How are you doing?" asked James

"Better" replied Jack which surprised Shepard no end, "More….I don't know focused." She looked up at Shepard, "Garbage like that hell hole. It follows you around, marks you in ways you…you can't imagine. I needed to wipe that place off the map. You might be a pain the ass and stupid enough not to see that bitch for what she is. But you took me down there to end a nightmare and I owe you."

"No you don't Jack" replied James sitting down on a crate opposite her, ignoring the reference to Miranda. "I said I'd help you and I did, no strings, no catch and no debts owed."

Jack looked at him and shook her head, "You are either a deceiving, lying sack of shit, or you are the dumbest idiot I ever met."

"Hey I can be both" replied James with a wink, then he leaned in and spoke seriously, "I am true north Jack, I don't move. Whatever else changes I will not betray you."

"Heard that one before" replied Jack morosely.

"Have I ever let you down?" asked James.

"You wouldn't let me kill Aresh" pointed out Jack with a glare.

"And how are you feeling about that?" asked James, "You showed mercy. You let an enemy walk away alive how does that feel?"

"Fine I guess or whatever" replied Jack, "He was trapped in the past, I'm ready to move on from mine. I'm better than him, stronger. That place is a crater now and I'm tired of living there."

"I know you're tough" replied James, "But remember it's not weakness to trust us enough to let us watch your back. I wouldn't have survived five minutes without my friends. Didn't you have anyone along the way help you get to where you are?"

Jack looked away uncomfortably and crossed her arms, "When I was starting out I ran with this girl Manara and her boyfriend. They knew there way around. I thought they would help me."

She snorted, "Right they helped me into their bed. And when we finally did take something big they helped themselves to my share of the take. I knew where it was heading and I got them first. Never bothered with friends after that!"

James shook his head with a sigh, "Okay they sound like selfish pricks but that doesn't mean they were going to kill you."

"I get feelings I don't need proof" replied Jack dismissively, "I did the smart thing. I always do the smart thing if people fuck with me. That's probably something you should remember."

"Jack if this is an act for my benefit let me save you the trouble" replied James, "I'm not scared of you and I'm not trying to manipulate, scare or screw with you. I need your power in this fight but that's not why I'm down here. I want to help you if I can because no one should have to go through what you did and defiantly not alone."

"So what do you wantyou want?" she challenged, "Want me to talk about my feelings and shit like that. Haven't you got anything better to do?"

"Not really" James said with a shrug, "You talk and I'll listen. Besides I'm curious, I like to know what makes the people I depend upon tick. Tell me something I don't know."

"I'm here to fight for you. Nothing says we have to be friends" snapped back Jack. Then she shrugged, "But whatever. What you want to know? Something like what's up with my ink? Or something else just as boring?"

"I'll bite" replied James with a smile, glad she was finally opening up "What's with the tattoos."

Jack looked down at the tattoos which covered her body, "Some are for prisons I've been in. Some are for kills, you know, good ones. Some are for things I've lost. Those aren't your business. They're nobody's business but mine. And some are because, hey, why the fuck not."

"Fair enough" replied James.

"How about you, got any ink?" asked Jack.

James shook his head, "Not really my thing. I prefer to blend in, doubly so now I have to deal with the damn stupid 'hero of the galaxy' thing."

"Yeah that must suck" replied Jack sarcastically, "All the power, money and women you could want. Shame you're too much of a boy scout to take advantage."

"How about you" asked James, "You work pretty hard at not letting people get close. Anyone ever pierce your armour?"

"I've been with lots of people" she shot back dismissively, "If you're talking about a boyfriend or girlfriend, no. It's a waste of time and it never works. You let someone get that close, it just means they need a shorter knife. Lonely and alive works just fine, thanks."

James shook his head, "You might be right. But for both our sakes I hope you're not."

He rose to his feet, "I'll leave you to it" he said turning to go then snapped his fingers. "Oh I almost forgot" he reached into his jacket pocket. "I should have thought of it earlier, after so many years in dark places I can't imagine bright lights are comfortable on your eyes. These might help" he said offering Jack his wraparound sun shades.

She looked at them and her eyes narrowed as she looked at them suspiciously before looking back at Shepard, "They look good" she said finally, "Where did you get them."

James chuckled ruefully, "They belonged to an old friend, a very special friend who taught me a lot. He gave me on one of the most important days of my life. Now I'm giving them to you."

Jack seemed taken aback by this, "Why?" she asked eventually.

"Because they'll help you and because I can" replied James with a smile. Then he rose with a wink, "You're with me Jack which generally means life threatening situations with very low odds of success. However there are occasional perks."

"Wait" snapped Jack, "My turn. I want to know your angle. If this isn't because you need me to kill for you then what is it? What's it all for? If it's not power then it's money or sex."

James turned and looked at her and spoke softly but forcefully. "Remember when you came on board, you told me you liked being here because it was dark and hard to find, that you felt safe. Well Jack you are safe and you don't have to buy that safety. My friendship's not for sale but it is on offer. Get some sleep and you don't need to keep one eye open while you do. We'll watch your back through the night."

"Whatever Shepard" she replied after a moment looking back at the shades, "I'll fight for you. I'm not here to make friends."

James wasn't sure but it didn't sound like her heart was quite in it.

'Well it's a start' he thought with a smile.

Miranda was sitting at her desk, working automatically, all the while she was turning her options over and over in her mind, trying to think how she was going to deal with this situation.

Then she realised that she had been staring at the same window on her screen for ten minutes without doing anything, this was ridiculous.

"Hey Miri…."

Miranda might have been distracted but her reflexes were like a razor, she moved in her chair, pirouetting like a gymnast her hand extending with a crackle of biotics, sending out a biotic field which found and grabbed the invisable speaker hauled her up in the air.

Kasumi de-cloaked in mid-air, held suspended in Miranda's biotic field. "So how you doing" asked Kasumi, with a careless smile. Miranda's expression by contrast was a stone cold glare even as she made the razor sharp knife that had appeared, apparently from nowhere, disappear again.

"What are you doing here?" asked Miranda pronouncing every word with cool, calm finality. Every syllable dripped with menace and danger.

"Well I got bored waiting for you so I decided to come see you" replied Kasumi with a giggle, "Ugh.….could you put me down please I'm starting to get dizzy."

With calm detachment Miranda made a gesture with her wrist and slowly rotated Kasumi so she was upside down, her head at a level with Miranda's. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't hang you from the ceiling by your ankles all day" she asked coolly.

Umm…..because I'm going to be sick on your office floor" replied Kasumi soudiing slightly queasy, "Seriously Miri."

Miranda was half tempted to leave her hanging there just to make her point, but decided that this would be childish, not to mention potentially messy.

So instead she rotated Kasumi the right way round and dropped her down onto the deck with a thump.

"What" asked Miranda slowly and carefully, her voice cold, "Are you doing…..in my office."

"Well I saw Jack leaving, followed by Shep leaving and neither of them looked happy so I thought I'd see what was going on. Guess you make it three for three on the angry front" replied Kasumi picking herself up off of the deck.

Miranda snorted, "You've never seen me angry" she replied.

"Uh huh" replied Kasumi perching on the back of Miranda's sofa, "So what did he do to piss you off."

"Shepard has done nothing to annoy me beyond his usual small minded failure to grasp the larger issues, one of many qualities you share with him" snapped back Miranda.

"Oh so he took Jacks side?" asked Kasumi, "No that's not his style. Did our illustrious leader finally lose his cool and tell you both he was tired of it all?"

Miranda glared at her but Kasumi held up a hand, "I know what you're going to say but this is me. Anyway whatever the reason you're like a coiled spring, what's eating you?"

"You mean apart from your frivolous interruptions and general moronic cheerfulness?" asked Miranda acidly.

"Yeah beside all that" replied Kasumi cheerfully, "Come on Miranda if there's no emotional connection between you then what have you got to hide?"

Miranda shot her an evil glare and crossed her arms defensively, "The problem is not me or any sort of imaginary emotional feelings. The problem is how I make Shepard see what a complete fool he's being and get him back on side and on mission" she blurted out angrily.

"Well here's a crazy idea. You could try talking to him" suggested Kasumi lightly.

Miranda snorted, "You know I have an IQ not far from two hundred so amazingly the thought had occurred. But there's no point in talking if he won't listen to sense."

"Well maybe you should listen to what he's saying first" suggested Kasumi, "After all if he disagrees with you maybe he has a point."

"I don't change my views because they're unpopular" snapped back Miranda, "Shepard is wrong and his failure to understand that is what is endangering out relationship….as effective operatives."

Kassumi rolled her eyes, "Okay well here's another thought. Whatever happened, whoever is to blame would it be fair to say that Shep is having a pretty rough time at the moment?"

Miranda sighed and nodded, "That would be a reasonable assumption" she replied.

"Okay then" said Kasumi with a nod, "Then because, whatever you say I think you care about him, have you considered swallowing your pride and forgiving him. You're so damn sensible why not show it?"

Miranda glared at her with an expression of utter venom but Kasumi shrugged it off, "Just saying…."

"Leave, now" ordered Miranda her voice like a razor.

Shepard was procrastinating there was no other way to describe it, he was trying to put off the moment before he went and spoke to Miranda. He'd been to see Dr Chakwas, and been given an earful about his hand. She'd fused the bones, strapped his hand up properly this time and threatened to remove his liver without anaesthetic if he kept punching bulkheads.

Then James had been to speak to Samara and Garrus and make sure that they were okay after the hell hole they'd been in down there. He'd spoken to them for a long time, they were both disturbed by what they'd seen but there resolve hadn't been shaken, they would get the job done.

"I will remain true to our cause Shepard" Samara has said, "Justice for the dead must wait until we have saved the lives of the living."

Garrus had put it a lot more succinctly, he'd gripped James's shoulder hard, "We'll deal with the Collectors together brother and then we'll nail the sick bastards who did that."

Satisfied that his friends had their heads in the right place and were ready for what came next James had toured the ship and spoken to the rest of his team. Everyone seemed to be doing well and he couldn't justify dawdling any further. He'd headed back to his cabin and gone to feed his fish…..

'Oh for god's sake you idiot.'

Having gotten rid of the latest batch of poor diseased marine life he'd sat down at his desk and started flicking through his emails. Then he read an email from one of the Illusive Man's lackies following their latest mission and it made his lip curl with contempt.

From: Cerberus Intel

Commander Shepard,

Contacting you per Illusive Man's instructions. He believed you would want to know that he had ordered Subject Zero's project shut down before the riot broke out. Cerberus personnel arrived to find all guards dead, along with most of the subjects. Any surviving children were treated for injuries, given mild amnesic treatments, and delivered to Alliance facilities as survivors of slaver attacks. A few surviving doctors were forcibly retired for their role in the project.

Per your report, the facility on Pragia has been destroyed.

It was crap. James knew it was crap and he wasn't going to dignify it with a response. He certainly wasn't going to show it to Jack. That would just be an insult to her.

Now though he realised he had been staring at his inbox for more than ten minutes without actually doing anything. This was ridiculous, he needed to confront this head one. He had to go speak to Miranda and resolve this tension, not let it fester.

He was about to stand up and head down to Miranda's office when a new email popped up in his inbox. James was about to ignore it for now when he saw who it was from.

James frowned, what the hell did Steven Hackett, four star admiral and commander in chief, Alliance naval forces want with him? He'd done a lot of running around fighting fires for the good admiral before he died and had no desire to go back to that.

"Superb sense of timing as always admiral, really stellar. It's amazing how he always knows exactly when to throw a curve ball my way" growled James to no one in particular.

Then he read the email and felt like a complete and utter asshole.

From: Admiral Hackett

Commander Shepard:

Our scans in the Amada system have turned up something we thought you should see: the final location of the wreckage of the SSV Normandy.

We thought this news might be important to you, but we also have an ulterior motive. The Alliance would like to honor the Normandy with a monument, to be built on the site of the ship's final resting place. We'd like to invite you to place the monument and be the first to walk on the site.

There are still 20 crew members unaccounted for from the attack on the Normandy. If you find any signs of these lost crewmen, we ask that you report to the Alliance so that those heroes' families might find some closure.

Godspeed to you, Commander.

James sighed deeply, he didn't need this right now he was in the process of trying to repair a fractured crew.

But he wasn't just responsible for his current crew but also for his previous one. He owed them and his dead men and women couldn't wait until it was convenient for his personal schedule.

"Joker this is Shepard, set a course for Alchera, Amada System, Omega Nebula."

"What's cooking Commander" asked Joker over them com.

"Nothing's cooking Joker" replied James soberly, "We've got some old friends to find."