28 - Safe Places

W/C: 1630
Warnings/spoilers/content: PG-13 for sexual language and profanity.
Summary: Jack guides Ianto through his psychic training and Tosh guides Jack through the forest.
Characters: Ianto, immortal-Jack, Tosh
Ianto's New Timeline: December 30, 2005
A/N: A few chapter titles were changed at the last minute because I decided to reorganize a few sections. Sorry for the confusion. Also, I'd like to thank everyone who has left a wonderful comment, suggestion or encouragement. You've helped a lot.

DECEMBER 30, 2005 - 10 AM

"GRRR." I GROWLED. I actually growled, in frustration.

Jack chuckled and kept chuckling even after I threw a killer look his way. "Try again," he said for the millionth time.

I frowned, narrowed my eyes and focussed, again. My eyes slid closed and I took a deep relaxing breath. I began by constructing my safe place. For me, it was a slow, tedious process. It seemed like it was taking longer than ever. Pain is an incredibly motivating factor. It doesn't improve precision or ability, mind. It just makes you more afraid to fuck up. Hence, the longer construction time. But he waited patiently, with a serene expression that did nothing to help my concentration. I kept imagining that expression on his face in other places, doing other things. I leaned against the wall, only a pillow between me and that cold, hard, rough surface. It was soothing, that wall. I smirked. I liked that wall. I'd developed a rather intimate relationship with that wall. Spent a lot of quality time being fucked up against it. My smirk grew—overtook my face—completely ruined my concentration. I started again.

I'd come to accept the fact that these thoughts had a home in my mind, a permanent one. They weren't going anywhere. I figured it would be better to accept them as a part of my being. So I let them float and wander. They had a home here, where we sat, as well. In the sex pit, under Jack's office. Ah… the sex pit.

I don't usually refer to it as the sex pit and I've certainly never said that aloud. And certainly not in Jack's presence. He doesn't need any more ammunition. It helped, being in the pit, leaning up against that wall, while I constructed my safe place in the bowels of my mind. Jack insists that it needs to be an immediate reaction. Think 'safe place' and I should immediately see my safe place, fully constructed. So I catalogued, created and organized the objects that belong in my safe place. He keeps asking me if I want to move somewhere more comfortable and I just smile. He doesn't realize. I don't think I'll tell him, just yet. He doesn't need any more ammunition.

I opened my eyes, felt completely calm. Nodded. His chin dipped subtly, acknowledging. Then, very slowly, I felt him slither in. First, there was an itch. Then, a tingling. It was the scrambling that was disconcerting. I retreated reflexively but I held down the fort. Kept my walls up. My safe place has a door, a very small door. The only way in. Jack was scrambling around the perimeter, feeling his way, searching for a weak spot.

He's quite good. I am not. Which never goes down well. I hate sucking. Just pisses me off. He's been able to find a crack every time. Even before he finds the door. Infuriating. But I was rocking it this time. Since I stopped trying to push the sexual thoughts away, gave them a home, my walls had bolstered. I felt him push. I tensed. This was usually the time I started screaming. The tension was all encompassing, all consuming. For the first time in over a week, I wasn't screaming at his first mental push. He keeps insisting that he's not pushing hard which makes me feel worse. Only because I know he's telling the truth. We don't talk during these sessions. That sends me screaming too. Obviously, in a real life situation, this won't be practical. He keeps telling me I'll improve. Give it time. Try again. That's his mantra this week. Try again.

My body started shaking. I felt a trickle of sweat bead on my temple, on my spine. I kept my eyes closed, tight. His goal was to circle, inspect then find the door. This was the closest we'd ever come. I was burning calories like a stair-climber. My body was almost empty. I needed to refuel. In the last week, I'd eaten an inordinate amount of food. I was getting a better workout than I ever got exercising at that ridiculous sweat lodge they call a gym—sorry, Fitness Center. The itch was turning into a burning. The scrambling was getting a little too sharp. He was pushing again. Bastard. I wanted him to just find the damn door so I could take a break—and not end up screaming. I jerked. He found it. But the instant he tried to slip through everything changed. Something came crashing down and everything fell apart. And then came the screaming. I heard Tosh above in Jack's office, bending over the hole, checking in on me. I heard Jack, talking softly, soothing. Man, that really knacks. Once I was able to speak, I asked, "What happened?"

Something flickered in his eyes, just for a moment then it disappeared. "I think… you slammed your defenses down." He was bent in front of me, trying to get a good look at my eyes. My pupils were dilated, like black saucers. But not in a good way—no drugs, lust or sex—just pain. "I felt the wall. It was good." He smiled, reassuring. "It felt different, much stronger. When I found the door I tried to slip in but I got thrown out." I looked at him, the shock apparent on my face. "Really." He nodded and smiled. "I'm guessing you didn't do that on purpose. But that is exactly what you're supposed to do when someone tries to slip in."

"Is it always going to hurt like this?" The sex pit was spinning like a Ferris Wheel sans annoying music and scary clowns.

"No. It won't. It hurts because it's a new muscle. And you don't know how to use it. So you're over doing it. But you're getting better. It just takes time and practice." I'd heard most of this pep talk before. But I felt a lot better knowing I'd improved, even a little bit.

"I'm gasping. Need food and coffee." My throat was dry and raspy. "Right now. Not even sure I can make it up there." I told him. A little over dramatic but true none the less.

He smiled, leaned forward. His first kiss was firm and quick. Then he nipped hungrily at my bottom lip and his eyes told me he wanted more. "Stay right here. I'll get you food and I'll do my best with the coffee." I shook my head, begging and pleading with my eyes. "Or I could ask Tosh to make the coffee?"

I smiled. "Thank you," I whispered. If I weren't so damn tired, I'd have thrown him down and had my way with him. But all I could do was whisper.

DECEMBER 30, 2005 - PM

"HE SAID I DIDN'T HAVE TO WOO HIM. He was impressed with the flowers and the apology. Just like you said. He also said he wasn't a bird or a chick or something." He chuckled and shook his head slightly. He'd have to ask about the bird reference later. Jack steepled his hands under his chin and looked at her with something akin to admiration. He sat behind his desk looking at his dating mentor appraisingly for a moment before he continued. "You're good. How'd you know what he was gonna say and how he'd react?"

"It's a typical response. That's all." She smiled warmly at her pupil. His praise sent a wash of pleasure through her that all but radiated from her skin. She sat primly in the visitor's chair, her back straight, her ankles crossed demurely under her chair and a faint blush rose on her face and neck. She loved helping Jack. She felt useful, knowledgeable and masterful. She rarely felt like that around Jack. She knew her tech but that was about it. Usually, she had to run behind him just to catch up. But he'd come to her. Asked her—begged her—for help. It made her feel wonderful to be needed and appreciated.

She got to see a side of him she'd never seen before. He'd never allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of anyone—not once—not since she'd met him. He'd come to her for guidance and it felt like they were becoming friends.

"I think he really liked the flowers," he mused, thinking back to the night before. He'd been so nervous about making that stupid apology. He'd been shocked by my easy acceptance and by my subsequent reaction. If that's all it took well… he couldn't believe it took him this long to figure out the benefits of making an apology. I'd shagged him senseless. His skin was still humming in remembrance. He fancied he could still taste me on his lips. He could still feel my hot, slick skin sliding over his. He could still hear the naughty, dirty, filthy things dripping from my lips…

Tosh could see he was lost in his thoughts. His eyes were glazing over. They were obviously very good thoughts. But damn if it wasn't getting hot in here. She cleared her throat loudly, drawing him back to the present. He started but caught himself before he toppled his chair backwards. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and smirked at her. He clapped his hands and then rubbed them together briskly in anticipation. "So, what's next Tosh?" He beamed.

She smiled and then quirked a thin eyebrow, "Well, I've been giving that some thought, Jack." She leaned forward and told him of her plans.

Continued in… 29 – New Year's Crack