Chapter 37

(Memories in the Heart)

Scrubbing her eyes, Kaiyou stepped forward, heading for the pilot's seat of the Gummi Ship she'd stolen from Donald and Goofy. It was strange, but she was starting to suspect that they really didn't care that she'd taken it. What an odd situation- the first time she was actually guilty of theft and they didn't care.

"So where're we going next?" Dagger asked.

Turning partially, Kaiyou took a breath to reply but her words were cut off. "To bed," Laguna stated, stepping forward firmly. Kaiyou yelped as she suddenly found herself hoisted up over Laguna's shoulder. Turning, the mage headed towards the door.

Flailing and pounding his back, Kaiyou shouted, "Put me down!"

Laguna ignored her and stepped through the door.

Apparently, there was a short hall beyond, with a pair of doors on either side of the hall and one at each end. Turning left, Laguna pushed open the first door there and stepped in. Shrieking as he dropped her onto a narrow bed, Kaiyou lifted her feet to kick him- but he took that opportunity to grab her and untie her shoes, dropping them to the floor. Pushing her back, he grabbed her belt and unbuckled it.

Blushing furiously, Kaiyou struggled with him- was he going to- to-?

Yanking her belt and side-packs from her grasp, Laguna smiled, "I'm confiscating these," he informed her holding up her packs, then, as she sat up to launch herself at him, Laguna put his hand on her head, pushing her bangs back from her forehead- and placed a kiss there.

"Good night, Aros," he told her with a smile that froze her in place, staring at him. Heading back out the door of the narrow little room, he switched off the light and slid the door shut behind him.

Trembling, Kaiyou stared blankly at the opposite wall.

"Good night," he'd said... He'd kissed her.

Tears broke free of her hold as she staggered to her feet, heading towards the door where she slid it open slightly, then stopped as she heard Dagger's voice.

"What did you do to him?"

Laguna laughed softly, "Put him to bed. He hardly slept when everyone else took that break."

"Yeah... I noticed that..." Dagger sighed softly. "He doesn't take care of himself at all."

Softly, Laguna hummed, "Yeah, probably because he doesn't see any reason to. Why should he care about himself when no one else does?"

Dagger gasped, "But- but doesn't he realize that we care?"

"I don't think so," Laguna said softly, "I have a feeling that no one's cared about him before, so the idea of it is such a foreign concept that it blows his mind." Laguna paused briefly, "He's a good kid though. He just needs a few lessons in 'Trust' and 'Love'."

Dagger giggled at that, but it was a short-lived snigger that ended with a soft sigh that sounded thoughtful and perhaps sad. Silence fell for a long moment then and Kaiyou pressed her ear closer to the crack of the door, holding her breath to listen. Finally, Laguna added, "I think he also needs a good parental influence- someone to reinforce those lessons of 'Trust' and 'Love'." He sighed as well.

Kaiyou licked salty tears from her lips as she slid the door closed again and retreated from the door, sitting on the bed silently. Curling her knees up against her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and stared at the Darkness.

'They... care for me? Umi? Is it possible? ...did... did Laguna... just...just say he... wanted to adopt me!'

'I think he did...' Umi admitted, and didn't sound like she disapproved of the idea.

Joy warmed her heart, 'And all without the stupid paperwork- he... all he has to do is just take me and maybe get Minnie's permission and signature and it's official! Even if he takes me back to Esthar, he's the President! What can they say? Oh god... I – I have a CHANCE! Sixteen ISN'T too old to be adopted!'

Falling onto her side in bed, Kaiyou uncurled and rolled over, pulling the blankets out from beneath her. Unable to wipe the smile from her face, Kaiyou wrapped herself in the blankets and buried her face in the pillow to dry her tears.

Sora sighed softly, leaning against the balustrade of his balcony, blankly gazing out across the castle gardens. While he'd said he wanted some sleep, he'd found, after attempting to get some, he'd had the strangest of dreams.

She'd stood there, wearing a white dress that looked like snow, a veil over her head, long hair down to her hips hanging free and straight... But it was odd, she was tall, slender- the body of a sixteen year old, not three and her image constantly flickered from brunet to blonde.

'Her face... why can't I remember her face?'

Snow- all around, endless planes of snow, with jagged jutting spars of ice pointing towards the sky, breaking the flatness, and there she stood in a graveyard, holding a bouquet of black roses.

"Who are you?" she'd asked, pale skin, pale dress, black roses, she was an ice queen in her garden of death. She was blonde then, hair floating around her in a sun-touched halo.

Lost in memory, Sora closed his eyes, turning his face towards the warm breeze of the day, trying to remember the strange dream. Beyond the wall, he heard a bird singing cheerfully, as if trying to dispel Sora's inner chill.

"I'm Sora." Yes, that's what he'd said. He hadn't moved towards her though he wanted to. "You don't remember me?"

The cemetery was at the foot of a mountain, near a frozen waterfall that looked so familiar. 'I can't remember where...'

"Sora... Sora..." she murmured. "Sora..." as if repeating his name would jog something loose, but she didn't turn towards him, didn't look at him. As if he wasn't really there, or as if he was a stone in her cemetery. The sky was white, snow began to fall from it, adding to the layers that already blurred the shapes of objects that looked so familiar to him- snow that distorted the shapes of the tombstones that were scattered across the gentle slope beneath the sheer mountain.

A petal fell from her roses. Black on white.

"Sora, Sora, Sora..." she murmured, brows knitting in deep thought.

The more she said it, the more Sora felt as if there were something more about her that he should have known, something he'd forgotten. Not just something lost over time, but something hidden from him by an outside source. The memory, a link fallen into the darkness, writhed and twisted at the bottom of his heart as it reached towards the light.

He couldn't move. He felt like ice.

Sora shivered in memory. How vivid that feeling had been, the ice, locking him- all around him, holding him firmly as if he were imprisoned.

"Sora, Sora, Sora," she continued- apparently unable to recall.

"It's ME! I'm Sora! Remember me! Please!"

Finally, she turned- changing into Aros as the diamond pendant at the young man's throat caught the light and Sora realized where he was. Ocean Blue captured his gaze and Aros's lips moved silently in what looked like one last "Sora?" a shocked expression lighting his eyes. Then he'd woken, screaming The Girl's name, but he wasn't sure and couldn't remember what he'd said, except that he thought he'd said 'I'll find you, Aros' and now he was confused.

Opening his eyes, Sora sighed again, staring at the bright sunshine and still feeling the fingers of the Ice Dream clutching at the strings of his heart.

'Hmm,' her voice murmured in his heart, drowsy and content with whatever physical situation she found herself in, 'You're sad today. You can't be sad. That's my job. And Umi's job is to be obnoxious and sarcastic and warn me not to do things because I might get hurt.'

Again, Sora closed his eyes, concentrating on her voice, savoring it. 'Where did you go?' she asked, voice growing sad, 'I missed you. ...things have gotten so ...strange lately. I feel so lost. Nothing is like what it used to be. Except my enemies. They're here too, eating away at me. I need someone to encourage me... Talk to me? Tell me it will be alright?' she sounded so vulnerable, meek and pleading. Such a familiar tone of voice, yet he couldn't remember why.

Tears stung Sora's eyes and his fingers tightened on the balustrade. 'Where are you?' he asked, 'I want to be with you.'

'Hmm,' she said, 'I don't know. I'm very lost. Drifting, drifting... I think I'm in bed. ...ah-ha... I was Put to Bed. He put me to bed, like a father would. Can you believe that?'

'Who did?'

'You know who...' she sounded muzzy and vague now, but the link was still strong- stronger than it had been before. 'I'll name you too,' she added out of the blue, 'I'll name you Sora. After the Real Sora. You remind me of him, even if I don't know him.'

Shocked, his heart picking up speed, Sora tried to remain calm and replied, 'You don't remember me?'

'Remember? Umi said... said I should figure out why he's in my memories. But I can't. I don't know. It's all so strange. I think I'm dead. No, not dead, this isn't heaven. This isn't hell. I'm lost in my own mind, after the train and the explosion.' Images filtered into his mind, recalled from that terrible dream of the train wreck he'd had not long ago.

Licking his lips, he asked, 'That was you? On the train?'

She laughed at him, 'I guess that must have been when you were born. Umi said she was born a long, long time ago in the car crash when I was orphaned. The memories are gone, Umi says they're locked.'

'Locked where?'

'She won't tell me. She says she doesn't know. I don't believe her. She's a liar, just like me. But I know she does it to protect me. I have no one else. ...everyone else hates me. Sora hates me but he's too nice to say so.'

Leaning forward, as if physical movement would make him more persuasive as he told her, 'I don't!'

"I don't," Sora hissed aloud.

For a very long moment, he feared that their link had dissolved again, but finally, warmth seeped in through the cracks, and melted the chill touch of his dream. 'It's safe to love you,' she said, 'You're in my head. You can't betray me. Don't lead me wrong- please. All my choices always end up wrong. I try to take the best path and still it's the hardest, longest, and I end up lost because it wasn't the right one- even if I'm following directions someone else wrote. Don't lead me wrong!'

'I won't, Ki'you. I love you too.' Tears gathered beneath Sora's lashes as he bent over his hands, grinding his teeth. Why he loved her, Sora didn't know, but the feeling was undeniable and she seemed to need to hear those words more than he was afraid to say them.

'Don't cry. Sora said "Good job" today. I didn't do it wrong for once,' Kaiyou sounded pleased now, pleased at what he'd told her, and what he'd told Aros, but at the reminder of Aros, guilt crept into Sora's heart.

If what Gary said was true, then Aros was in existence because of Sora, and it was thus Sora's responsibility to see that Aros was given the chance to live and learn as he wished. But it was also Sora's desire to see that Aros was given a place to call home if he needed it. Letting Aros go hadn't been that easy of a decision, but... 'If I'd forced him to stay, he'd have hated me. He does need to learn who he is and wants to be... But that doesn't explain the diary. How long HAS Aros been around?'

'You're sad again,' Kaiyou said, 'Sora... smile for me. I don't know how to. Not for real.'

Shaking his head, he felt wet drops hit his white knuckles on the balustrade and Sora rocked slightly, trying to control his emotions, trying to summon a smile for her. Such little things she asked of him. 'But since I have the Diary, I can still help Aros, no matter where he is, and I've got this link to Kaiyou, so I can talk to her,' he realized, and the thought bolstered him, giving him the reserves he needed to steady himself and send her the smile she'd requested. Such simple requests, but that was his Kaiyou, at heart, she was rather simple. 'She likes Vanilla ice cream,' he remembered, 'I wonder if she'd like Sea-salt if she got the chance to try it?' Turning his thoughts back towards her, Sora sent her the smile in his heart and continued, 'I'll teach you how to smile. It's easy, once you know how to do it from the heart.'

In return, he got to feel her contentment with the universe and the vague thought that it was strange, 'have to get exploded by a train to find happiness. Should have done it years ago.'

'You seem tired, Ki'you...' Sora observed.

'You do too,' she replied, sounding muzzy.

On a hunch, Sora tried asking, just to make sure she was with who he thought she was with, 'Was it Laguna? Laguna put you to bed?' If she knew who Laguna was, he'd know exactly where she was and that she was safe.

She laughed lightly, 'Yes. He said...he said he wanted to adopt me... I think I'd like that. Even if he can't aim worth crap- he needs a weapon. Maybe we'll find one on the next world?'

'How is Aros doing?' Sora asked.

For a moment, she pondered that, 'Aros... the fake one... I think... I might abandon him soon.'

'Don't!' Sora gasped. 'Who knows what might happen to him?'

'...It'd cut down on a lot of confusion, though... you think I shouldn't?' she sounded sleepy, unconcerned.

'Stick with him for now,' Sora replied, 'But tell me where you're going next?'

'We're taking Garnet home,' she murmured.

'Who's Garnet?'

'Princess Garnet Til Alextandros the Seventeenth...'

Trying not to be exasperated, Sora held his temper, 'But who-' he started, and realized that he'd lost her. Oh, he could still feel her, but she wasn't awake any longer and Sora sighed, letting her get the rest he couldn't seem to. Unfortunately, the conversation left him in quite a bit of confusion. Kaiyou was going by the name of Dagger, wasn't she? Then who was Garnet? He heaved a sigh and pushed those thoughts away, too tired to really give them serious thought.

Unbidden, a smile crept across his lips again, "She's alive, Roxas, my sister's alive. Maybe I can even pull in Aros and Kaiyou too and then... then all of us can be together?"

Roxas, having finally been informed of what little Sora remembered of That Day, smiled at Sora's words. 'That would be good. Maybe I should talk to Aros? He's frightened of you so much, maybe he won't recognize me?'

"If you can catch up to them," Sora replied, "Alright... I... don't think Aros will let me close to him just yet." He sighed, "I hope I find my sister soon- so I can apologize for what I'd said that day. Why can't I remember her name or what she looked like though? It's like ...like someone stole the memory... Like Kaiyou did with the memory of what Gary did during that fight."

Roxas didn't immediately answer, and Sora leaned on his hands, staring down over the balcony at the ground, which was fairly far below. Heaving a sigh, he shifted, lifting his left arm to look at the bracer. In the morning sunlight, it glittered like ice, but to the touch it was quite warm - like holding someone's hand.

Sora placed his hand on it, touching the hard surface.

"How could you? You knew that was my favorite! I never want to see you again!"

Eyes widening, Sora straightened, "That's what I said!" Leaning forward, he braced himself on the balustrade, biting his lower lip, "I can't believe I said that to her!" Memory trickled back, but it was nothing conclusive- nothing containing any names or images other than of himself, as if he was seeing the scene from her eyes rather than his. He'd yelled at her and she'd run away, down the hall, down the stairs, outside. And then the memory went dark.

"Why did I say that to her? I didn't mean it!" At least he knew that for sure.

'It sounded like you'd meant it at the time,' Roxas ruthlessly pointed out, 'And it was a mistake to say that to someone who couldn't handle any kind of accusation.' Sora hung his head in shame, 'Don't go blaming yourself like that, though. You were three, you were just a kid. Things happen. You've got a second chance to be with her, to make it right. And you've got Kaiyou and Aros to worry about.'

Sora snorted on a bitter laugh, "It's been thirteen years since then," he said softly, "And I've mostly forgotten her- she might hate me for that. And Kaiyou thinks I'm one of her multiple personalities, Aros is terrified of me, and I've got no clue where my sister is or how to find her."

'Still, she's alive. That's more than you knew a week ago.'

Nodding, Sora replied, "Yeah... it is more than I knew a week ago." Lifting his head, he set his shoulders and wiped his eyes before opening them, "I'll make it up to her. And... Mom will just have to give up and adopt the other two. She makes enough money as President anyway."

'So let's go over what you DO remember, Sora?' Roxas suggested.

Turning, Sora leaned his hip against the balustrade, lifting his hands to wipe his face. "Alright..." he agreed, though he knew it would be like picking at scabs. "Let's start with my sister..." he took a breath and let it out while he tried to think back. "I yelled at her and she ran away. And then, it was like she'd never existed, yet... I've always felt there was someone missing. And then Kairi appeared and it was like having her back. Only never quite the same. I got to protect her from the other guys who wanted to pick on her, but..."

'You used Kairi as a replacement for your sister,' Roxas said. 'And that sudden blank in your memory is why –I- don't remember her either. That's a little unnerving.'

Shaking his head, Sora folded his arms on his chest, "Why do you say that?"

Briefly, Roxas paused, then replied, 'Because, that means someone was messing with your memories long before Namine existed. Who else has that kind of power over you? Is it someone we should watch out for?'

Sora licked his lips, "I don't know..." Silence fell for a moment, each of them lost in their own thoughts that they didn't feel like sharing with each other. Finally, though, Sora continued, "When I asked Mom where my sister was, Mom said she was dead." He closed his eyes, trying to recall that long ago conversation.

'That seems to be when your memory got blanked,' Roxas observed.

Nodding slowly, Sora agreed, "Yeah... Mom said... Mom said," he slapped his hands over his eyes, grinding the heels of his hands into them as he tried desperately to remember something that had happened so long ago. "She said some people that hate Dad took her and that they'd gotten into a car accident and that my sister was dead. And after that, Dad never came to visit again."

For a long moment, Roxas was silent, then finally said, 'Who is your Dad? You don't seem to remember him either.'

Lowering his hands, Sora frowned, "Man. Half my family is missing and I never noticed till now!" Irritated at himself, he turned and kicked the balustrade in frustration. "And what did I go and do? Replaced them with Riku and Kairi!"

'That's not as bad as it sounds, though, Sora,' Roxas pointed out. 'You do love Riku and Kairi.'

"I know, but... the fact that I don't even know my own father's name... All I remember is that he had green eyes." Pausing, Sora frowned, "No... did he?" rifling through his memories, he paused at an image of a pair of green eyes looming over him, a look of worry in them, surrounded by graying brown hair. "No wait. That's Laguna, from when he was crouching over me in the Salem square. Why was he that close to my face-" a blush raced up from his neck to his hairline. Eyes widening in horror, Sora shouted, "Eew! Eew!" and desperately wiped his mouth as he realized the truth.

Dancing around in panic, he finally turned and ran from thebalcony and into the guest room he was using, heading for the bathroom to brush his teeth with bleach or something.

It didn't help that Roxas was laughing at him.

AN: I begin to think many of my readers have not played a majority of the final fantasy games that have characters appearing in the KH games. I suppose I shall have to start making an effort to give a brief summary of events of the ff games. PLEASE do not eat me for spoiling you should I do so! I just feel this is necessary so that you guys aren't so TOTALY lost that the story is no longer enjoyable to read. I promise that the summaries will not only be slightly modified but also not contain all the plot secrets from the games so you can still go and play the FF games and be all like 'woah cool!' when you come across something I didn't mention. Okay? Also, if you have played the games, general rule: if I don't say anything about it, assume it happened just like it did in the game.

Next chapter: Join Crocodile Hunter Kaiyou on her DANGEROUS safari into the treacherous swamps of Laguna-land! Don't feed the Moombas.