Quantity over quality.

That's what Alfred always believed. I mean, it doesn't matter what the food tastes like so long as there's a lot of it, right?

Or at least, that's what he told himself as he stared at the heaping plate of charcoal in front of him. Or as Arthur calls them: Scones.

Alfred gulped and looked into Arthur beautifully hopeful green eyes.

Oh holy shit, he was going to do it, wasn't he?

The rock—sorry—scone, was in his hand. His hand was inching it's way to his mouth. Why were his lips parting? Oh god, what was that smell?

Then, the scone hit his tongue.

After that, it wasn't all too bad. His mouth went completely numb and later he even went as far as to declare that his taste-buds died.

He ate three more just to please Arthur and miraculously, he only needed his stomach pumped twice.

All in all,

It was a good day for the USUK couple.

Francis was interrupted in his...ah...'daily activities' by his cell phone ringing. The song was Saturday Night's alright for dancing, which meant that Arthur was calling.

"Âllo?" Francis answered.

"Francis!" Arthur exclaimed, sounding uncharacteristically happy. "I have amazing news!"

"Oh? Quoi?"

"Alfred ate four of my homemade scones!"

Francis put down the phone or a moment and clutched at his heart, giving a bit of respect. The good always do die young.

Francis humbly took up his cell phone again. "It is a shame," he told Arthur, "Alfred was always a kind boy, if a bit dim. What flowers should I bring to the funeral?"

Arthur huffed. "No you fool!" He screamed. "Alfred is fine!"

"QUOI?"

"Alfred is alive and well! Al, tell Francis you say hi!"

Francis heard the phone being switched over. "I say Hi, Francis!" Alfred said happily.

Tears poured down the Frenchman's face, and he quickly dabbed at his eyes with a frilly pink handkerchief.

"It is a miracle!" Francis sighed.

Good ol' Arthur had finally found his soul mate.

"So when will you be out of the hospital?" Francis asked.

"Just two more days!" Was Alfred's cheerful reply.

"Really?" Francis gasped. "How quick! You two are beautiful together! Oh, l'amour..."

And Francis went about his day, swooning in the power of love.

Hello guys. So this is basically what I was talking about with the oneshot stuff. They'll vary in length.

So I had TWO 2 hour long exams today OTL Health was easy, but goddammit French is a hard language. TOO MANY LETTERS AND APOSTROPHES AND ACCENTS.

I've decided to write this until chapter forty, and then end it. I might start another funny USUK, something like this, but...

No promises.

I love you guys. You have no idea. Thank you all so much for sticking with me. It means a lot.

Sorry for any mistakes! I'm American!

-Mallory