Author's Note: I don't know if anyone will still be interested in reading this story after all this time, but I've been working on it, even though I was unable to post so I'm going to add another chapter.

I'm so, so, sorry for not updating for as long as I did. I had some technical issues and I haven't had a computer for the last month or so. But, I have been writing. And now that my computer has been fixed, I'll be updating as quickly as I can get chapters typed up. Again guys, sorry.

Chapter 37

"You're quiet tonight."

"Hmm?" Quinn gently folded the page of her book down and turned her head towards Rachel at the sound of her voice, to find her girlfriend gazing at her with one eyebrow raised inquiringly and a fond smile playing at the corners of her lips. She huffed softly when she realized that Quinn hadn't actually heard whatever it was she'd said and shook her head lightly, the fond smile never leaving her lips.

"I said, you're quiet tonight."

"Because I'm normally so talkative?"

Rachel rolled her eyes as she shifted onto her side to face Quinn. "Is everything okay?" she asked, sliding her arm beneath her pillow and folding it in half, before resting her head against it.

"Everything's fine." Quinn offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She was okay. They were okay. She just had a lot on her mind right now. This thing with her mom had rattled her more than she thought it would. She had tried to play it off earlier, telling Rachel that they'd just have to wait and see what happened. But she didn't like this out of control feeling that wait-and-see stirred up within her. It left her distracted and she didn't want to be distracted and distant. Not with Rachel. It was a trait that had caused problems in all of her previous relationships and she refused to let it be something that came between them.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours then?"

Quinn sighed softly and turned onto her side as well, propping her head up on her elbow and gazing across the small space between them into Rachel's eyes, which were swirling with affection and concern. She wasn't used to opening up. It wasn't something she'd even been very good at. And she doubted it was something she'd ever be entirely comfortable with but she was willing to work on it. For Rachel. For the sake of their relationship.

So, instead of avoiding the conversation by initiating something physical, kissing Rachel to distract her from her question or reaching out and letting her hands wander, she answered her. "I'm just thinking about my mom."

Rachel hummed softly, sympathetically, and her hand found Quinn's beneath the blankets, giving a soft squeeze before lacing their fingers together. She didn't say anything. Didn't push. And Quinn knew that if she chose to leave it at that, Rachel would accept the brief explanation. Even though she knew that Rachel was dying for more information. There was no way that her girlfriend was satisfied with not knowing the details of exactly what Quinn was thinking, and how she was feeling. So the fact that she didn't try and force Quinn into a conversation about it, peppering her with questions and demanding an examination of her feelings, which was the Rachel Berry way, only endeared her to Quinn even more. And, conversely, made her feel like opening up.

"A lifetime of experience is telling me not to trust her, not to trust this," she said slowly as she tried to gather her jumbled thoughts into coherency. "But, she seemed so sincere. And, I want to believe that she is. After so long thinking that I would never be able to truly have my mother in my life, living with the knowledge that one day I'd have to tell her the truth and she'd abandon me again, it should be a relief to know that now, she'll be there on my wedding day, and will meet her grandkids and…." She gave shrug when she became at a loss for words, but Rachel just smiled softly and nodded.

"I never let myself want that, because I didn't think it was something that I could have. But, now that it's right in front of me, I'm terrified that it'll disappear. That my mom will join a new club, or get a new group of friends and I'll go back to being her dirty little secret."

"Quinn-"Rachel cut herself off without completing whatever she was about to say when Quinn shook her head, but her grip on Quinn's hand tightened as she curled herself around her arm, hugging it to her chest. The sympathy in her eyes was too hard to take, so Quinn averted her gaze, staring, unseeing, down the length of the bed.

"And all I can think is, that I want her to know you. Which, I realize isn't fair to ask of you. Why should you put yourself out there and get to know someone who might eventually turn their back on you? But, I feel like….maybe, if she gets to know you, if she gets a chance to see what a wonderful, amazing person you are, it would be a little harder for her to discount you. Discount us. If she were to change her mind."

Quinn didn't even know if she was making sense. Her thoughts had been all over the place all evening, despite her best efforts to keep them ordered and contained.

"I just can't help thinking, if she got to know you….You know how you talk to your dads every week? I was wondering if maybe we could do the same with my Mom." It wasn't much, but it was a start. It was something that would breed some familiarity between the two of them. Hopefully it would endear Rachel to her mother and make it harder for her to find fault in their relationship, were she ever to try.

"Quinn. Quinn, look at me." Rachel's voice was soft, but commanding and Quinn reluctantly raised her gaze to meet her girlfriend's. "Whatever you need," she said, her eyes boring into Quinn's. She tipped her head, so their foreheads were touching and untangled their fingers so she could bring her hand up and cup Quinn's cheek. She stroked it softly. "I would be happy to get to know your mother. I think us calling her is a great idea."

"You do?"

"I do, yeah."

Quinn nodded, and shot Rachel a grateful smile. "I don't know if it'll really help anything. I just…can't stand the thought of her freaking out when we… show up, holding hands, on her doorstep at Thanksgiving. But, maybe if she sees, or rather hears, us interacting as a couple it'll ease her into being comfortable with it…."

"You're already thinking about Thanksgiving?" Rachel asked, sounding surprised. "It's almost two months away."

Quinn pulled back a little, taking in the other woman's expression. "What? Do you not think we'll still be together at Thanksgiving?" The thought made her feel cold all over as she waited for Rachel's reply.

"Of course I think we'll still be together. It's everything else that's up in the air. We don't know where we'll be in two months. One, or both of us, might not be able to travel. It will depend on what point into production your play is. And if I get the role in Funny Girl-"

"When you get the role in Funny Girl."

Rachel rolled her eyes, but grinned. "When I get the role in Funny Girl, I'll be just starting rehearsals about then. I might not be able to get away for a long weekend."

"So, what are you saying?" Quinn asked cautiously.

"I'm saying, we shouldn't be making holiday plans so far in advance. Not that I don't think we'll still be together to make those holiday plans."

Quinn considered her words. That didn't sound so bad, really. "But, hypothetically speaking, if I were to invite you home with me for a holiday, would you come?"

"Hypothetically speaking? Yes. Absolutely. If you asked me home with you for a holiday I'd be thrilled to spend the holiday with you and your mother."

"Thrilled?" Quinn couldn't help but laugh lightly. "Most people don't even like going to their own family gatherings, let alone other people's."

"Now, you listen here, Quinn Fabray," Rachel said, shifting so suddenly and so smoothly that Quinn didn't even realize she was moving until she was hovering over her. "For one thing, I'm not most people. I happen to enjoy spending time with my family." Her breath washed across Quinn's cheek with each word, and she resisted the urge to lean up and kiss her, forcing herself to focus on her words instead. "For another thing, being aware of the complex and sometimes unsteady relationship that you have with your mother, the fact that you would invite me home with you to share a holiday meal…"

Quinn got the gist of what Rachel was saying. And her lips were just so tantalizingly close that she zoned out on the words Rachel was saying and just watched the movement of her mouth as she formed the words until she gave in to temptation and surged up, cutting Rachel off mid-sentence with a kiss.

Rachel let out a squeak of protest as Quinn's lips sealed over her own, then moaned as Quinn's tongue slid into her mouth.

Mindful of the fact that she was working at having a serious conversation without using sex as a distraction, Quinn kept the kiss short and chaste. Or, as chaste as a kiss could be when Rachel was on top of her, moaning throatily as her tongue battled Quinn's for control.

The point was, she wasn't trying to dodge to conversation or put off talking about things. It was just really hard not to be distracted away from the subject when Rachel was hovering above her, dark hair falling in a curtain around them, her lips only inches away from Quinn's.

She nipped lightly at Rachel's bottom lip and then pulled away. Rachel's chest heaved against her own as she dropped heavily down on top of her with a quiet sigh. The air rushed out of her lungs with a whoosh but Quinn paid the sensation no mind as she wrapped her arms around Rachel, holding her snuggly. Rachel tucked her head in beneath Quinn's chin and curved her arms around her shoulders.

"Are holiday's a big thing, in your family?" she asked, pretty sure she already knew the answer but wanting to hear about it anyway. If the turkey, pumpkin, and reindeer sweaters that Rachel had sported in high school were any indication, the Berry's celebrated holidays in a big way. She figured they were the type to decorate the house inside and out and host a big (fake) turkey dinner with all the trimming. Only instead of the stiff, formal gatherings of Quinn's childhood, she was guessing that theirs had been jovial, full of conversation and laughter.

"Yeah. Both of my fathers have rather large families. Daddy is the youngest of six siblings. And while Dad is an only child, his mother had four siblings, all of whom married and had several children. He was raised alongside his cousins, almost like brother and sisters. And many of them have had kids, and even grandkids now. Not many of them live in Lima though. Or even in Ohio. Anyway, my point is, that combined the Berry and Young clans are rather large. And holidays are rather enthusiastically celebrated."

Quinn nodded at the confirmation to her theory.

"Daddy grew up Catholic. But he converted to Judaism when I was born and I was raised in the Jewish faith. That's not to say though, that we didn't acknowledge and celebrate the Christian holidays with my extended family or my parent's friends. So I am well versed in the traditional Easter and Christmas celebrations that you are likely familiar with."

Considering how different their upbringings were, Quinn had a feeling that Rachel had no idea what holidays in the Fabray house were like.

"Tell me about them," she asked, feeling a little bit wistful as she thought of Rachel as a kid, all dressed up and full of eager adrenaline, running around the house with her cousins. Stealing food from the kitchen, getting underfoot as the adults conversed, putting on shows, astounding everybody with the big voice that came out of that tiny little body.

"The only holiday that my parents host is Thanksgiving. The rest of them, we go and visit family. Or it's a small celebration, just the three of us. Like, Chanukah. At least, most years. Unless the holiday happened to fall on the winter break from school and we could go and celebrate it with my grandparents. But, no matter who is hosting it's always loud. Boisterous. Full of music and laughter and such an amazing spread of food. We'd always end up with a week's worth of leftovers. I have a ton of cousins and second cousins, and removed cousins. It's insane. Sometimes, I'm not even sure how I'm related to someone, just that I am."

"It sounds like fun."

"It's so much fun. And we have all these little traditions. Like, the first night of Chanukah, after the menorah ceremony and the prayers and everything, we walk around the neighbourhood and look at all the houses, all lit up for Christmas. Whether it's just me and my Dads, all of the Berry's who made it to my grandparents in Pennsylvania. On Christmas Eve, we go ice skating, then back to my Aunt and Uncle's house, where we all open one present. Then, while the rest of the family goes to mass, my father's and I watch It's A Wonderful Life. At Passover, my uncle puts on a dramatic reading of the story of-"

"Like in Rugrats?" Quinn's upbringing had been strictly Christian. She didn't have a very solid understanding of any religion other than her father's. And he'd been very diligent about shielding her from opposing or alternative viewpoints. But the cartoon about the Tommy Pickles and his friends had escaped his scrutiny and she'd watched the Passover special a dozen times over before she'd outgrown the show.

Rachel let out a soft huff, and Quinn just knew she was rolling her eyes. "While I find it appalling that you're gathering your information from a children's cartoon I choose to ignore that and accept the fact that at least you know the basis, a very condensed basis, of the holiday."

Quinn shrugged as best she could with Rachel's weight pinning her down. "My dad wasn't very big on cultural diversity. I had to gather my information in any way I could. It doesn't matter now though anyway. I have you to teach me everything I need to know about it.

She felt Rachel press a soft kiss just below her collarbone. "While I appreciate the gesture, please note that I don't expect you to conform to any of my beliefs. I'm aware of how important your beliefs are to you and I-"

"I'm not saying I'm going to convert to Judaism tomorrow or anything," Quinn interrupted gently. "But, I'm curious about what you believe in, and what it means to you. I'm more than willing to learn whatever it is you're willing to teach me."

Rachel pressed another kiss to her skin. "I think you might live to regret saying that. I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm rather overzealous when it comes to subjects I'm passionate about."

Quinn let out a soft laugh. She'd been witness to that on more than one occasion. "Don't worry, I'm well aware," she said. And ignored the pinch to her side she received in response. "But, it's important to you and I want to share it with you."

Soft fingers caressed the stinging patch of skin as Rachel murmured a soft apology. "What about holidays with your family? What are they like?"

Quinn dropped a kiss to the top of Rachel's head then let her head fall back into the pillows with a soft sigh. "Neither of my parents come from particularly large families. My Mom had two sisters, my father has one brother. They all have kids, so I have a handful of cousins but we've never been close. I only saw them a few times a year, holidays, my grandparent's birthdays, christenings, funerals. We didn't talk outside of those family events. And even then, it was….stilted. We didn't get to run around and play, because that would ruin the pretty, expensive clothes our parents dressed us in. We'd watch TV and exchange small talk in the back room until dinner, where we'd sit quietly at the table while the adults talked, then we'd be sent back into the other room until it was time to go."

"That sounds awful."

"It certainly wasn't fun."

Family gatherings had never been about celebrating a holiday or getting caught up on each other's lives. They had been about one-upping each other's achievements and trying to ferret out scandal to gossip about once the company had gone home.

"I haven't been to a family holiday since my dad kicked me out of the house. When I moved back in with my mom, we did Thanksgiving just the two of us. And it was nice, actually. A little awkward at times, but she tried really hard to make it pleasant and festive. I think it went a long way in helping us reconnect. Christmas and Easter however…."Quinn let out a soft sigh. Just thinking about it brought a sting of tears to her eyes.

Rachel's thumbs stroked softly along her sides, calming her, soothing the ache.

"Christmas and Easter, my mom went to visit her family in Dayton."

"What? She just left you alone?"

"My sister and her husband went as well, and mom didn't want to spend the holidays away from her grandkids."

"But, you're her daughter. And you didn't have anywhere else to go-Quinn, if I had known that back then I would have-"

"I know you would have. But, I didn't want anyone to know. It was bad enough being left all alone all Christmas break or over the Easter weekend, but to actually tell people that my own family didn't want me around….."

"Aww, babe, I'm sorry." Rachel tightened her grip and burrowed into her.

"It wasn't all bad. I didn't mind the quiet. For the most part. I'd hang out around the house and read or watch old black and white movies and…dance around my room like I used to when I was thirteen, before I got too cool for stuff like that."

"Well, that's all well and good, but weren't you lonely?"

Quinn could only nod, the lump in her throat rendered her vocal chords useless.

Easter really hadn't been that big of a deal. She'd outgrown the chocolate and the present's years ago, and she was okay with going to church by herself. It was Christmas that was hard to deal with. Christmas Eve had been okay, the Jones' hosted a holiday party and she'd gone to that, had soaked up that family holiday spirit before going home to her own, cheerfully decorated but vacant house, where she'd built a fire then curled up on the couch, watching Christmas movies until she'd passed out. In the morning she'd wake up and open the presents her mom had left for her and the few she'd received from friends. Junior year, that had been Brittany, Mercedes and….she remembered with a smile, Rachel, who had given everyone in Glee a gift that year. Senior year, she'd gotten (and given) gifts from everyone in Glee. She'd spent the rest of the day reading and watching more movies.

It had been sad, but bearable.

"It was easier once I was at Yale. I'd go home with one of my friends, or if had one at the time, my girlfriend. And I could pretend that I'd chosen not to go home, rather than I wasn't welcomed there."

Rachel murmured softly and Quinn could tell she was affected by her words. She was quiet for a long moment then propped her chin on Quinn's chest, gazing solemnly up at her.

"I know it's not the same thing as having your family, but now, you have me. If we can get away, we can go visit my family for Chanukah and Christmas. And if we can't, maybe we can get my dad's to come here for Chanukah. A couple of days at least. And, we can do Christmas here in the city, just to two of us. I kind of like the idea of watching holiday movies by the fireplace."

She had found herself charmed by Rachel's stories of her family gatherings and she actually couldn't wait to be included in their holiday traditions. Even if it was just them and Rachel's fathers here in the city, lighting a menorah in Rachel's apartment and taking a, chilly night time walk through the neighbourhood. And the activities from the sad holidays that Quinn had spent alone didn't sound so bad, if she were sharing them with Rachel. In fact, they sounded rather pleasant, hot cocoa and a warm fire to fight against the winter chill as they watched movies. Opening presents together in the morning. Spending a quiet day together, creating their own holiday memories. It was pretty perfect, actually.

"That sounds amazing," Quinn said softly, hoping that Rachel could hear the sincerity in her voice and she would know that Quinn meant it and that she wasn't just accepting it as a pale comparison to what she was missing out on with her family.

"Yeah?" A grin tugged at the corners of Rachel's lips and a moment later she was beaming up at her.

"Yeah.

"And what about Thanksgiving? If we can't get back to Lima, would you want to invite your mother out here?" Rachel asked. "We could host a small dinner."

It would be strange, but Quinn rather liked the idea of that. If her mom was still on board with the whole having a gay daughter thing, it'd be nice to have her here, to have the chance to show her the city and properly introduce her to Rachel.

"I think that'd be nice."

"Yeah. Me too. Hey, speaking of getting together, Kurt called me like six times today, badgering me for details. And he practically begged me for an invite to dinner, or something. He really wants to see you."

"Oh yeah?" Quinn couldn't help but smile at the thought. She and Kurt had never been particularly close, but like all of her friends in glee, there was a particular comradery born of shared experiences and similar struggles. It would be nice to see him again. Or at least, it would be once he got over bugging them about their relationship and Quinn's sexuality.

"Yeah. So, I was thinking that we should try and get everyone together. What do you say? I think it would be nice to have a mini New Directions reunion." Rachel turned beseeching eyes on Quinn, like there was ever a possibility that she would say no. She was enjoying re-making these connections. High school was far behind them, but it would certainly be nice to have that network of love and support. Not to mention, she was just curious about what Kurt had been up to these days.

"I think it would be fun."

"Do you really mean that?" Rachel asked, peering carefully at her. "Or are you just saying it because you think that's what I want to hear?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters." Rachel's lips tugged down slightly and Quinn brought her thumb up, sliding it across her bottom lip and making the corners turn up in a grin.

"I really mean it. It would be nice to see everyone again. Santana was asking me about getting together the other day, she wanted to show off her bar," she added, to prove that she meant it. "How about we see if we can get everyone together this weekend? A few drinks. Some dancing. Get everyone all caught up."

"Honestly? It sounds like something I would enjoy immensely. But you, not so much."

Quinn couldn't help but laugh lightly at that. "You're not wrong. It's not really my thing. But, I'd like to see Kurt again. And I promised Tina we'd get together. And I promised Santana you and I would come out to the bar with her and Britt. This just seems like the most expedient way to accomplish all that."

"So, this isn't about wanting to get together with our friends. It's about getting it over as quickly and painlessly as possible?"

"Why can't it be both? I do want to see everyone again. I don't want to have the 'where have you been, what have you been up to' conversation twelve times over. Why can't we get everyone who's in New York together on one night and just hang out?"

"Well when you put it that way…."Rachel rolled her eyes and laid her head back down against Quinn's chest.

"Can't argue with logic."

Rachel just hummed softly in response. "So, Friday night? We can either do an early dinner before I go to my show, or meet after for drinks."

"Maybe after?" Quinn suggested after a moment's thought. "You know they wouldn't be satisfied with just dinner. They'd want to go out after. And if it's going to be a late night, I'd rather have a chance to have a nap and freshen up."

"Do you want to make the calls, or I should I?"

"Yeah, I'll leave that dubious honor to you."

"Chicken."

"Kurt scares me a little sometimes."

Rachel snorted in disbelief.

"I'm serious. He just gets so intense. It's a little freaky."

"Former head Cheerio Quinn Fabray is afraid of….Kurt Hummel?"

"I didn't say I was afraid of him. I said he scared me. There's a difference."

Again, Rachel snorted.

"You know, that's really not very attractive."

"Oh please, I'm adorable."

"You sound like Santana."

Rachel gasped softly and pinched Quinn's side. "You take that back."

"No."

"Take it back."

Quinn let out a shriek as Rachel's pinches became tickles. She grappled at Rachel's wrists, trying to get a grip on them but Rachel resisted her grip with surprising strength.

"Rachel," she protested, breathless and laughing as Rachel's fingers dug into her sides. She tried to squirm away, but Rachel had her effectively pinned. She couldn't even retaliate. Not really. While she was ticklish all across her back and sides, the only place Rachel was ticklish was the backs of her knees and the bottoms of her feet. Quinn couldn't reach either in this position.

Marshalling her strength, Quinn planted her heels on the bed and in one fluid motion bucked her hips up and rolled her torso sideways, tossing Rachel off her and sending her sprawling onto her side. She wasted no time completing the move, surging up and over until she was straddling Rachel's waist. She clamped her thighs tightly against Rachel's sides and captured her flailing hands.

Rachel stared wide eyed at her from her position against the pillow. Her face was flushed a pretty pink and beads of sweat dotted her hairline. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she sucked in ragged, audible breaths.

Quinn grinned wickedly down at her and Rachel bit her lip, a soft whimper rising from her throat. She gripped both of Rachel's wrists in one hand and curled the other around Rachel's thigh. She tugged the leg up and Rachel's hips writhed beneath her.

"Quinn, no," Rachel pleaded as Quinn's fingers danced lightly along the back of her thigh.

The words gave her a moment of pause. Her fingers stilled and she cocked her head. "I didn't think I'd ever hear you utter those words to me when we're in this position," she said, almost conversationally, before letting her fingers continue sliding down the back of Rachel's leg.

"You don't have to do this," Rachel pleaded, before letting out a little shriek and bucking against her grip as Quinn's fingers reached the crook of her knee. "Quinn!" She struggled against Quinn's grip, trying to pull her hands free, trying to move her leg out of Quinn's grasp. "No. Please. Quinn" she half-laughed, half-cried as Quinn's fingers softly tickled her. "Okay. I give. I give."

Quinn stilled her movement, but did not release her grip. "You give?" she asked, holding herself tensely to see if this was a trick or not, if Rachel would launch a counter attack as soon as her guard was down or if this was a sincere surrender.

Rachel nodded breathlessly. "I do. Yes. I give up."

Quinn gave her a measuring look before slowly releasing her grip on Rachel's leg, letting it fall down to the mattress. When no retaliation was forthcoming, she released Rachel's arms as well. Rachel rubbed first one wrist then the other, rotated them to get the circulation going again, but otherwise made no movements.

After a moment, Quinn eased herself off Rachel, settling on her side facing her. Rachel's head lolled in her direction and half-lidded, suddenly sleepy eyes found hers. "Hey," she whispered, smiling softly.

"Hey."

Rachel turned slowly onto her side as well, their foreheads almost, but not quite, knocking together. "I'm tired," she whispered into the space between them. "So, tired," she continued. "But, I don't want to go to close my eyes and go to sleep because if I do, I'll miss this. And, I like this."

It didn't take much effort for Quinn to figure out what "this" was. "I know, Rach. Me too." She'd passed exhausted a couple hours ago. The only reason she was staying up was for these moments with Rachel. "Go to sleep," she whispered, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Rachel's lips. "We have the rest of our lives to do this."

"You mean that?" Rachel asked, her eyelids fluttering closed as sleep overtook her.

"I do," Quinn murmured, following behind.