Yo everyone! How ya'll doing? Good? Good. We all like being good...'Cause, ya know, good people get presents at Christmas. :D

XD sorry, randomness attacks at the oddest times.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter...But I'm seriously going to start wrapping everything up now...Seriously...it's almost at 40 chapters...That's LONG! So yeah, I'm gonna start wrapping things up with this story. It has to end sometime, and if I finish this, it'll be a wonderful achievement, a great memory, and a load off my back. XD But fear not, I have many more stories planned so I will never vanish! (unless aliens abduct me for experiments...then I might vanish for a while)

So, anyway, here we go.

Warnings: Language, brief SI and yaoiness(Not really though)

Disclaimer: Did you know that a sneeze is one tenth of an orgasm? :O ...But on a different note, I do not own Naruto. D:

Online!

Thump...thump...thump...

A steady rhythm. Not too fast, not to slow. Just perfect.

Thump...thump...thump...

Yes...now perhaps a little bit faster to get more.

Thump..thump..thump..thump...

Good. Very good. Working like a charm.

Hmm...A bit faster...and maybe a bit harder too...

Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump.

Perfect.

Now keep that rhythm. Oh yeah...

So close now...so close...just a bit more...

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT I'M AWAKE! FUCK!"

I grinned, tossing down the pillows I'd been smacking against the wall back onto my bed as I listened to Kiba growl and grumble his way about his room next door.

"Just doing my civic duty, Kibbles!"

"I'll 'civic duty' your ass when I get outside!"

Laughing, I finished putting on my suit, which I'd stopped halfway through to wake up Kiba for the third time. Seriously, why wasn't he getting up this morning?

Brushing aside the thoughts of Kiba's sudden laziness, I shrugged on my jacket and sighed, looking at myself in the mirror.

Today was the final day of the whole trial with Kabuto. My direct involvement had been kept to a minimum, thanks to Fugaku pulling a few strings in my favour. Today I was going to go to the court, with the rest of the Uchihas, to see the verdict. Fugaku had already arranged with the school that Sasuke and I be allowed off. I didn't know if Itachi was attending or not.

The plan was that the Uchiha's would pick me up from my apartment at eight, so I had to be ready before then. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair in the hopes of smoothing it out some.

My fingers ended up tangled in a knot and I hissed, struggling to pull them out with minimal damage. Groaning, I turned around, planning on grabbing a comb to tackle the tangles that were my hair.

I ended up face to face with a member of the Mafia.

"HOLY SWEET JESUS, DON'T KILL ME!" I screamed, turning and fleeing into my bed, trying to burrow beneath the covers for safety. "JUST TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, I WON'T LOOK I SWEAR!"

There was a snort.

"What the hell are you talking about dobe?"

I stuck my head out of the blankets and saw the 'Mafia' guy smirking down at me from behind his large shades, his hands in his suit pants pockets.

Despite the obvious 'I've-got-a-gun-please-make-me-use-it' look, that hair was recognisable anywhere.

"Sasuke! You damn near gave me a heart attack, you asshole!" I snapped, placing a hand over my beating heart as I sat up, the covers pooling around me. Sasuke snickered and tapped his shades.

"I guess these were worth the money. But then again, it's not too hard to fool an idiot like you, ne?"

I growled, more than ready to punch him in the gut for that, but before I could move something swung up behind him.

"Sas—"

A loud thud sounded and Sasuke flew forwards, hitting against the bed and coughing as his hands came up to clutch the back of his head. I blinked, staring at the space he had been only to see Kiba standing there, breathing heavily with wild eyes and wielding a hockey stick.

"Don't worry Naruto! I won't let this freak hurt you!" Kiba wheezed, swinging the stick up again for another blow.

"Wait, Kiba!" I quickly jumped in front of Sasuke, who was cringing and gripping his head tightly. "He's not a freak! It's only Sasuke!" I said quickly.

Kiba paused. "...It's Sasuke?" he asked slowly. I nodded. Kiba swung the stick higher. "Fuck, I'll have to hit harder then."

"KIBA!" I snapped, jumping forward and ripping the hockey stick from his grasp as he started laughing. Turning away from him, I bent over to help Sasuke back to his feet. He grimaced, rubbing his head.

"...I can't see straight," he mumbled, groaning and tilting his head back. I sent a glare to Kiba, who just shrugged and crossed his arms, whistling innocently. Gently, I parted Sasuke's hair to see the bump, frowning when I spotted it. It looked like it would hurt, but it didn't seem too bad.

"Kiba how hard did you hit him?" I asked, running a gentle finger over the spot and listening to Sasuke hiss in response.

Kiba hummed. "Well, I tensed my arms for about four seconds before swinging. I'd say I hit him...relatively mildly."

"I'm surprised you even know that word." Sasuke growled, pushing the shades on his face higher. Kiba glared at him, reaching for the stick.

"Obviously I didn't hit him hard enough. Once more should do the trick."

"Alright enough!" I yelled, grabbing the stick away again and pointing it threateningly at Kiba. "Thanks for coming to my unneeded rescue, Kiba, but I'm fine, Sasuke's in pain and you can now go and get your ass ready for school." I shoved the stick back into his hands and ushered him out the door, listening to him snigger about having hit Sasuke with a hockey stick.

Undoubtedly that would go down in history for him.

Once Kiba was gone, I went back over to Sasuke and parted his hair again, eyeing the bump. "It shouldn't be too bad."

Sasuke nodded slowly, reaching up to feel it and sighing. "What did I ever do to Kiba to make him hate me so much?" he grumbled, glaring towards the wall. I chuckled, reaching up to pull off the shades. When they were gone, I gasped at seeing the black eye Sasuke was sporting.

"Holy...Sasuke? What happened to your eye?"

He twitched, sighing loudly before leading me towards the door. "It happened last night..."

~Sasuke POV~

-Last Night-

I sighed loudly as I heard the front door, indicating Itachi had finally come home. I knew that I had to apologise, and in truth I wanted to, so I'd been waiting for him to come back since I arrived home. Slightly nervous as to how he would react, I walked into the hallway in time to see his bedroom door slam shut. Sighing again, I picked my way towards it, hearing mother talking downstairs. It sounded like Kisame was visiting.

That would explain why it had taken him so long to come home.

Not wanting to apologise in front of everyone-I still had some pride thank you very much- I decided to tackle Itachi while he was getting changed.

Slowly, I pushed the door open only to see that he was in bed, the covers pulled right over his head and cocooning him away from the world.

Hating seeing the fear-inspiring devil that was my brother curled up in a ball under the covers, I walked towards the lump and poked it gently.

"Hey Itachi...I'm..." I sighed, lowering my eyes as the lump only shifted slightly. "I just...I wanted to say...I'm really, really s-sorry about the way I spoke to you earlier today. It wasn't fair on you...I was just so frustrated and, a bit scared, about talking to Naruto about something important, and that damn paragraph you made me read was so close to what I was scared would happen...I guess I just placed the blame on you since I didn't know who else to place it on." The lump shifted again before stilling and I sighed, turning and sitting on the bed beside it. My hands clasped in my lap and I stared at them, biting my lip.

After a moment of silence, I sighed again.

"I'm really sorry...big brother," I mumbled, closing my eyes.

The lump shifted again and I heard the sounds of sheets moving. I didn't open my eyes, waiting for Itachi to say something when...

"That was the cutest thing I've ever heard you say, un!"

My eyes snapped open as a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around me and dragged me, kicking and screaming, under the covers.

"What!.? Who the—"

"Baby Uchiha apologising to his big brother! That was so cute, un!" Deidara cooed, hugging me tightly and stroking my hair like I was some kind of pet. "I can't wait to tell Itachi exactly what you said, un! It was so sincere!"

"Deidara! You bastard, what are you doing here?.!" I yelled, struggling to be free of his grip and trying to get out from under the blanket.

"Well, Itachi came over to our place all sad and mope-y, un, so we decided to come stay the night to see if we could cheer him up! But I'm certain once he hears about your apology; he'll be right as rain, un!" Deidara explained, crushing me a bit more with his hug. I gasped and growled, starting to throw punches.

"Let me go you jerk!"

"Aw, but Sasukeeee—OUCH!" I landed a hit on Deidara's cheek, and he growled. "That's not nice, un." He punched my arm, and I snarled and elbowed his stomach.

Before too long, we were rolling on the ground, throwing punches and kicks until Kisame and Itachi finally came and separated us.

~Naruto POV~

"...And that's how I got the black eye," Sasuke concluded, his shoulders sagging as we walked towards the Uchiha's car.

I clutched my stomach, laughing so hard tears were pooling at the corners of my eyes.

"Ahahahaa! Oh my...oh that's rich!" I gasped, while Sasuke just grumbled under his breath. Mikoto was standing outside the car, waiting for us. When I was closer she pulled me into a hug, her arms tense.

"Are you feeling okay, Naruto-kun?" she asked kindly, looking down at me. "If you don't want to see that person, we'll understand and arrange something!"

I smiled, shaking my head. "It's alright, Mikoto. I'm not alone this time. I'm not afraid."

Sasuke wrapped an arm around my shoulders while Mikoto nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead. I smiled as I climbed into the car, sliding up next to Itachi who nodded in greeting.

"Hello, Devil-Spawn."

"Hello, Minion."

The usual greeting.

Fugaku grunted his hello as Sasuke and Mikoto climbed into the car and closed their doors. As soon as the car started moving, I rested my head on Sasuke's shoulder, closing my eyes. He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his cheek against my head.

We both ignored the 'Awww' from Itachi.

The ride to the courthouse was silent until Mikoto switched on the radio to break it, saying she needed a distraction. Fugaku just nodded his consent as she fiddled with the dials before the speakers blared to life, a talk show playing.

"-and so we're here to talk about the scariest things we've seen recently. So, up first, Lou. What's the scariest thing you've seen recently?"

"...I'd have to say that the scariest thing I've seen recently was my grandmother naked."

I snickered along with Sasuke while the radio announcers laughed.

"What on earth was your grandmother doing naked? Where was this?"

"Family reunion. There was a pool and she was changing into her ancient bathing suit. I was trying to find my wayward brother, so I was just opening doors and I stumbled into her change room. I admit, I screamed like a little girl."

"Ohohoho! So Lou has a girly scream after all, eh?"

"I'm sure if you saw my grandmother naked, you'd scream like a girl too, Erin."

"Maybe, maybe. Okay, next, Aya?"

"Oh definitely watching my three year old son fall into a garbage disposal unit."

"Oh God, how did that happen? Is he alright?"

"Thankfully yes. The thing was broken, and my husband had just removed the blades when Teuchi fell in. I hadn't known, though, so of course I went absolutely ballistic thinking he was going to be shredded into pieces. I swear my heart stopped."

"That would be horrible indeed. A scare for any parent."

"Hn. No kidding." Fugaku grunted, glancing at us in the backseat. Sasuke and I hummed in question and Fugaku glanced at us before returning his eyes to the road. "We were at the zoo once when Itachi was five, and he got away from us and climbed into the baby lion exhibit. We both nearly had a heart attack, but thankfully one of the staff was in the cage at the time, feeding them, so she carried Itachi out before any harm could be done."

I turned to send an incredulous look to the blinking raven beside me. "What kind of psycho child climbs into the lion exhibit?" I asked.

Itachi shrugged. "I'm sure they would've fallen under my fierce glare of intimidation."

"Itachi, when you were five, you carried your pastel pink blanky with you everywhere. I highly doubt you could intimidate a few lions."

Laughter erupted in the back seat as Sasuke and I clung onto each other, tears pooling in our eyes as we howled in amusement while Itachi scowled and crossed his arms, huffing and looking as embarrassed as a devil could.

"I resent that, father."

"I'm sure you do."

Oh feel the love.

"Okay, what about you Rimato?"

"Uh, when I saw a chef and a cashier in a cafe get into a fight. I don't know what started it, but they really went for each other's throats. The chef even pulled out a rolling pin and the cashier was holding a meat tenderiser."

"Whoa, seriously? What happened after that?"

"Another member of staff, a twin of the chef I'm guessing since he looked almost exactly the same came in and separated them. But they'd really had a go at each other. I think they both had to go to the hospital after it. But the strangest thing was that I could've sworn I heard one of them say something about the other 'stealing their Icha Icha Yaoi Paradise' book."

Sasuke and I shared a bemused look before he smirked.

"Three guesses which cafe that was."

"Which cafe was this?"

"Some small place...it had a number in its name, I believe. I can't remember exactly though."

"Teme, guesses aren't needed."

We laughed softly as the car pulled up outside the courthouse and I held Sasuke's hand tightly in my own as I saw a group of people in suits. Itachi also noticed them and grunted.

"Looks like Orochimaru is making an appearance today," he said slowly, his eyes narrowing on the tallest man in the group.

I looked over, feeling a shudder race down my spine at the man's appearance. Long, greasy looking black hair, pale skin, and...Were those yellow eyes?

What the hell?

"Who's that...wait...Orochimaru?" I asked, squinting. "Isn't he...Isn't he Kabuto's guardian?"

Fugaku nodded as he climbed out the car and opened the door for me and Sasuke, letting us climb out. "Yes. He's also a rich snob who hired a ruthless lawyer to get Kabuto off the case...but our lawyer is a bit ruthless himself."

I smiled, nodding. I'd only met with the lawyer representing me once since Fugaku had really taken over everything and let me live on with minimum involvement. I really owed him.

We all walked towards the courthouse and our lawyer was waiting for us, his dark red hair swaying in a slight breeze.

"Hello again, Naruto-kun." He greeted, gripping my hand firmly. I smiled, returning the handshake.

"Hello, Nagato-san."

Nagato nodded and led us all to the court room, indicating which seats we should take. "It's all pretty straight forward from here on out. The jury has been in discussion for a while, but they're finally ready to make the verdict. We've got a strong case, not even Orochimaru's lawyers could come up with something solid. There's no need to worry."

Sasuke and I shared a relieved look as we headed to our seats. I sat in between Fugaku and Nagato, while Sasuke, Mikoto and Itachi sat behind us.

Slowly, people filed into the room, and I tried not to look at the other side of the room where Kabuto and Orochimaru were seated. So far, I'd managed but then a sound made me look up and I locked eyes with Kabuto.

He was staring right at me, a smirk on his face. I swallowed and glared back, not willing to let him intimidate me again. He shrugged, before turning back to the front.

Damn him.

Finally, the courtroom was ready, and the judge, an imposing woman named Shion, looked over the room.

"Is the jury ready?" she asked. One member of the jury stood up, her burning red hair pinned up with two pins.

"Yes, your honour." She said, her voice gruff.

I frowned, looking at the jury members. They didn't seem like the type of people I'd see on the jury stand. Aside from the woman, there were two men with silver hair hanging around their faces, which seemed almost identical. Twins perhaps? Then there was a rather large man with orange-red hair growing in tufts, his beady eyes seeming to focus on our side of the room. Then there was a tanned guy with his black hair tied back in a tuft-like pony tail.

Finally, the last guy had long silvery hair tied at the bottom with a red ribbon. He was wearing a dull grey suit, and his eyes looked ahead, blank and calm.

He looked rather...bony to me.

"That's odd..." Nagato said beside me, his brows furrowing as he stared at the jury, "...Those are new jury members..."

Fugaku shifted, his eyes narrowing as he observed them, and I felt something in my chest clench horribly.

"We, the members of the jury—"

I glanced towards Kabuto's side again, and caught the superior smirk on his face as he looked towards his guardian. Glancing at him, I saw Orochimaru return the look with a nod and a smirk.

What the hell?

"-for the charges of sexual assault and battery,"

This was it, time for the big reveal. The final verdict.

"We find the defendant..."

Silence reigned but for the loud thudding of my heart as the final verdict was finally, finally spoken...

~Sasuke POV~

I disliked being in courtrooms. They were so formal and intimidating-to others anyway- it grew annoying to be stuck in them for even a few minutes, let alone a few hours.

I rolled my neck, and leant back as the jury members started speaking. Honestly, like Nagato had said, our case was solid. There was no point to really be here in the end, since we all knew the verdict. Kabuto was as good as gone.

I heard Nagato murmer something up ahead, and saw father shift in his seat. Raising an eyebrow at the action, I crossed my arms and straightened my back as the final verdict approached.

God, just hurry up, declare him guilty, and let us leave. I've got more important things to do than sit and listen to something I already know.

Things like planning Naruto's and my first time together. I wanted it to be perfect for the both of us, and to do that I needed to do some serious research and planning. Where could I get the right things, though? Well...perhaps I can ask—

"We find the defendant..."

Oh good, it's almost over. Finally this whole thing will be put behind—

"Not guilty."

...

As if a vortex had opened up and sucked away all colour, everything seemed to turn grey and slow down.

I heard the thudding of my own arms falling to my lap, the soft gasp from my mother as she reached a hand to her mouth on horror, the faint sound of material straining as Itachi tensed beside me.

But loudest of all, I heard the exhale of air from the body sitting in front of me.

"Oh God..."

Naruto's voice was barely there, so weak, so shocked, so horrified.

The words 'not guilty' echoed in my head over and over, each time getting louder, sharper, harsher until...

"THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 'NOT GUILTY?'"

"Sasuke!"

Hands were grabbing my shoulders as I tried to climb over the benches to where the jury members were standing. How dare they? How fucking dare they utter those words? It was rigged, planned, a conspiracy! There was no way in Heaven, Hell or even Limbo that Kabuto managed to weasel his way out of this!

"Sasuke, calm down, you're causing a scene!" someone was hissing.

Did I look like I gave a shit whether I was causing a damn scene? A scene needed to be caused if 'not guilty' was the fucking verdict they came to!

"Sasuke. That's enough."

Father's strong hand was shoving me backwards into Itachi's hold. "Take your brother outside to cool down, Itachi. Now."

Itachi didn't hesitate to drag me away, kicking, cursing and snarling all the way, until we were outside the courtroom and on the steps leading up to the large building.

Then Itachi shoved me away.

"It's fucking rigged!" I yelled, waving my arm frantically. Itachi stood nearby, his face cold.

"Sasuke-"

"They were bribed or something! They had to be!"

"Sasuke, w—"

"There's no fucking way Kabuto got off just like that, there's got to be a scam going on—"

"SASUKE! SHUT. UP!"

I blanched, only now really focusing on Itachi as he gripped my shoulders painfully, glaring straight into my eyes.

"I know! I know that it must be rigged. I get it. But by jumping around, screaming curses and accusations, you won't help Naruto's case; you'll just make it harder for us to solve this. Nagato is one of the best, and he's got Yahiko working beside him as well as father. Whatever foul play has been happening, they'll sort it out. But they won't be able to do that with you disgracing everyone's presence in the court by yelling like a psychotic maniac!"

By the end of his tirade, Itachi's fingers were digging so harshly into my shoulders I expected the material to start staining red. Slowly, I nodded and Itachi's grip lightened.

He was breathing heavily through his nose, a sign that he was just as wound up as me, only he was hiding it a hell of a lot better. Suddenly, his head dipped down and he sighed, the sound containing frustration and withheld anger.

"Fuck..." he hissed.

I could only agree.

We stood on the porch steps, each lost in our own thoughts as to how this could've happened.

"Orochimaru is a powerful person. Undoubtedly he managed to manipulate the jury, the lawyers...everyone." Itachi speculated, and I clenched my fists in anger.

"I hate him."

Itachi laughed at my statement, the sound bitter. "We all hate him. His own mother hates him, probably."

I nodded vigorously, finding my anger go down to a simmer with every insult towards Orochimaru.

After what felt like forever, the doors opened again and Naruto came out, closely followed by my parents and Nagato. Father and Nagato were talking hurriedly while mother was ushering Naruto down the steps towards us as quickly as possible. Her face was tight, her eyes transformed into a steely grey.

She was angry...very angry.

I jogged halfway up the steps to meet them, and Naruto took my hand immediately, tugging me back down the stairs.

"Naru—"

"Let's just get out of here," he mumbled, his face still a bit pale. I glanced back and saw that twat Kabuto and his guardian slowly walking out, smirking and looking smug. As much as I'd love to wipe those looks off their faces with the help of a stop sign, Naruto's tugging was more urgent than that.

I allowed him to lead me back towards the car, continually sending deadly glares over my shoulder at the cretin in glasses walking far behind us.

Once we were in the car, Naruto leant heavily against my side, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow.

"I thought it was going to be over..." he murmured, and I had to physically stop myself from jumping out the car and showing Naruto how I could make sure it was over. Instead, I wrapped my arm tighter around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his head. Itachi was still standing outside, talking with our parents and Nagato. The red-haired lawyer was sending withering glances to Orochimaru before sending reassuring looks to me and Naruto while talking to my father. I could tell that my mother was aching to go over to the bastards and maybe give them each two new assholes, but was restraining herself.

Something I would have failed to do had Naruto not been right there and needing me to lean on.

After a moment, Itachi climbed into the driver's seat and slammed the door before pulling out the keys. I blinked, looking over to him.

"Itachi?"

"Mother and Father are going to spend some time with Nagato discussing what to do about Orochi-bastard and his satanic screw-up son. We're going to go have lunch somewhere and relax. We're all wound up about this, staying here won't help." And with that said, Itachi started the car and drove us away from the courthouse.

I sighed as we entered the cafe, Naruto right beside me. The waitress, a familiar girl, led us to our seats, her eyes continuously roaming over Naruto and I and a giggle escaping every now and then. I decided then and there that I hated fan girls, both personal and yaoi.

Itachi sat down first, and Naruto lazily sunk into the seat between me and him. While Itachi glanced over at the menu, Naruto placed his head in his arms and heaved a sigh.

"What happens now?" he asked slowly, gazing at the two of us. I frowned and looked at Itachi.

He sighed heavily, slapping down his menu. "Don't worry so much, Naruto-kun. Kabuto may have weaselled out the first time, but once we prove there was foul play involved in this court case, not only will Kabuto be going down, but Orochimaru will be dragged down too. There's no reason to worry because Nagato, Yahiko and both of my parents are working on this. And as Uchihas and Peins, they will not fail."

I nodded in agreement. It wasn't uncommon knowledge that the Pein lineage was also one of the more powerful families in the city, producing generations of top notch lawyers and prosecutors. The Uchiha's used to be more along the law enforcement side, forming some of the strongest police forces around. However, father had branched out from that and gotten into the business world, making a quick takeover and putting the Uchihas ahead of even the Hyuuga family.

If anyone could take down Orochimaru and his spawn, it would be us and the Peins.

Naruto seemed to think for a moment before brightening ever so slightly. "Yeah, you're right. You damn Uchiha's can do almost anything after all."

I raised an eyebrow. "'Almost'?" I asked, frowning. "Exactly what can't we do?"

Naruto snorted. "You mean besides talking about your problems, being civil instead of intimidating and standing up to your own mother?" he grinned at the two of us while Itachi and I grumbled unhappily. "Well aside from that, you also will never reach the same awesomeness that is me. But that can't be helped." He shrugged, before bursting out in laughter at the incredulous looks on our faces, undoubtedly.

Itachi shook his head slowly. "Brat..." he mumbled, but his smirk revealed his amusement. I glanced at the ceiling briefly before punching Naruto lightly on the shoulder and standing up. "I'll go get the orders, what do you guys want?"

"Miso ramen for me!"

"Devilled eggs and ham."

"Why am I not surprised?" I teased, and Itachi threw his menu at me while Naruto laughed again.

Dodging the projectile, I made my way towards the counter, since our waitress seemed to have vanished in a puff of smoke. Not that I really cared.

All those fan girl glances were getting on my nerves.

Making my way towards the front, I let my thoughts wonder. As Itachi had said, it was best not to think about the court issues and instead focus on things I could control. Things like my first time with Naruto. One thing my beloved blond had forgot to mention, Uchiha's don't know everything...at least, I didn't. Especially when it came to the subject of sex for two males. I knew the general idea, sure.

After all, there's only one place for Pole A to go in right?

But as for details; what feels good, how to make sure there's as little pain for both parties as possible, safety details and best ways to avoid unnecessary hazards... All those more specific things I was completely oblivious of.

And it's not like I could go to anyone in my family for help. God forbid my mother catch wind of this whole ordeal before it happens, I don't even want to know what she'd do! Whether she'd fight against it or demand to be in the room at the time, I didn't know, but both were possible...especially the second one.

Oh God.

And my father may be a good dad, but he's definitely not the person to go to with questions on how to successfully sleep with my boyfriend. That would be beyond awkward and humiliating.

As for Itachi?

Well...he's Itachi.

Enough said.

So I was stuck, wondering how I could find out these small things. The internet seemed like the best option. But then again, how could I be sure that I wasn't looking at a list of disturbing kinks some sickos posted up as their personal list of 'the right ways of gayness' or something?

And so I had to focus on solving this problem...I needed some help though. I needed a miracle.

I needed a sign from heaven!

Reaching the counter, I was about to call for service when I saw it.

A book, lying so innocently behind the counter, a large marker sticking out from one end. The lemon yellow cover and flaming red writing seemed to glow to my eyes, and the gears in my head spun wildly as I processed exactly what the title said.

Icha Icha Yaoi Paradise: A Guide to Guys on Guys.

My eyes widened as I looked straight ahead.

"There is a God..." I breathed in awe.

"Well glad you've had your religious epiphany and all, but if you're not going to order then please move. Other people would like to eat soon."

I shook my head to snap myself out of my awe and turned to face the cashier. Oh great, the blonde chick was back. She really got under my skin for some reason, but in a really bad way.

"Yeah, an order of Miso ramen, an order of devilled eggs and a chicken and tomato salad."

She nodded, typing it in. "Any drinks?"

"No."

"Right." I placed the money on the counter while she called out another ridiculously weird order, and the chef returned the call with a shout of 'Suck my dick, you thieving cow'. Of course, she disappeared for a few minutes, and I decided to ignore the ominous screams of a dying man in the kitchen.

When she came back, I swallowed and leant closer. "Actually...I have a favour to ask."

She looked at me, crossing her arms and waiting. I took that as my cue to continue.

"I'd really like to...borrow...t-that book," I said softly, hoping to God no one heard me. I pointed a finger at the book briefly, and watched as she looked down at it. Her eyes widened, probably in surprise before she looked up. Her eyes scanned the restaurant until they landed on Naruto and Itachi, who were chatting about something or another. She grinned, leaning on the counter and leering at me.

"Oh ho ho! Somebody's taking the next step eh?" she said, chuckling at my expression. I huffed, crossing my arms.

"Look, will you lend me the book or not?"

"Well...I don't like lending my shit out, since there's always the chance I may never get it back..." she said slowly, before glancing at Naruto again. Her leer widened. "Tell you what...I'll make you a trade."

I stared at her apprehensively. "What kind of trade?"

She shrugged, glancing back at Naruto. "It's nothing much...all you have to do is kiss your boyfriend-and I mean a real kiss with tongue and all- for about a minute, and I'll lend you my Icha Icha. Sound fair?"

I glared at her, but she just smiled smugly. After a long moment, I snarled.

"Fine. Now give me the book." I held out my hand, and received both a tray with our food as well as the lemon yellow book, which I surreptitiously slipped into my jacket pocket.

Nodding at the, in my opinion, evil cashier, I walked back to the table and fulfilled my side of the deal, much to Naruto's embarrassment.

I'm sure the extremely large bump on my head would go away eventually...

~Naruto POV~

I groaned as I slumped down onto my bed, burying my face into the pillow. Sasuke was in the bathroom, since he refused to leave me on my own today.

Kind of a dumb thing to say considering that he's been locked up in the bathroom for about an hour now. Seriously, what was he doing? Giving birth?

"Hey teme!"

"Hn?"

"...Are you giving birth in there?"

"Dobe."

Okay, guess not.

I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about everything. The trial with Kabuto had left me feeling a bit lost at first. After all, I'd been so sure that he wouldn't get out of it, but then again, since when was life ever fair for Uzumaki Naruto? I suppose I should have seen this coming, really. My luck sucked. My life had suck-ish qualities even now. Murphy was a PMS-ing son of a cucumber's asshole so of course he too would join in the festivities that were 'Make Naruto's life miserable'.

The gods hated me, I just knew it.

'Girl I gotta go, I'm finished with the show! But if you wanna –beep- me I won't say no! T-T-T-Touchin' on my-'

I turned over, grabbing my phone and briefly glancing at the ID before flipping it open and pressing it against my ear.

"Yo."

"Hey Naruto, it's me, Sakura."

"Duh. I do have caller ID."

"Shut up. Anyway, I was just calling to tell you not to worry."

I raised an eyebrow. "Not to worry about what?"

"About Kiba."

Okay...What?

"Why would I worry about Kiba? Is he hurt?"

Sakura laughed on her end. "No, no! I meant you don't have to worry about him interrupting you and Sasuke-kun when you guys...you know...do it."

Fucking girls and their psychic abilities of girly-intuition!

"W-What makes you think we're going to do that?"

"Oh please, Naruto. I'm not an idiot. I realized Sasuke-kun was thinking of that the moment he started acting all weird. And since he's back to normal, it's obvious that you agreed to do it with him. So, being the most awesome friend I am—"

I snorted.

"-...Ahem...Being the most awesome friend I am, I got some help so that Kiba will be otherwise distracted and won't bother you while you're jiggling your man-bits with your boyfriend."

I was very, very tempted to hang up on her after that comment.

But, I had to discover exactly what Sakura had planned, because let's face it...girls never made sane plans. They were always wild, insane, and downright deadly.

They also worked often...sadly...

"Whoa, whoa...what do you mean you 'got some help'? And if you ever say I'm 'jiggling my man-bits' again, I will pull up your skirt during school and show everyone your Rainbow Monkey panties."

Oh yeah, I so went there!

"How the hell do you know I have Rainbow Monkey panties?"

"You shoved my face into your sleep-over bag after I called you 'flat-chest' at the beginning of the year and I saw them. Remember?"

"...Oh right! And as I recall, I also left a nice bruise on your cheek. Do you want a repeat of that?"

Oh her tone was definitely cold, but hey, a man had to do what a man had to do.

"Stay away from the jiggle-y man-bits and I'll stay away from the Rainbow Monkeys."

"Deal."

An agreement has been made, ladies and gentleman. All man-bits and monkeys are safely stored away.

"So anyway, what did you mean by help?"

"Well...I told Hinata that you and Sasuke wanted a night alone, and asked if she would help me keep Kiba distracted. Once she regained consciousness, she agreed to help!"

I pushed my face into my pillow to hide my loud groan. "You told Hinata what we were planning?" I asked indignantly. Sakura laughed cheekily on the other end.

"I didn't go into detail!"

"What detail could you possibly go into?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, I could've told her that Sasuke was planning to slowly, and maybe sensually strip you down, and then push you back to lay on the bed, and then he'd cover you with his body and start to trail his hands towards your—"

"I find it incredibly disturbing that you seem to know more about our first time than either of us do," I deadpanned quickly, and Sakura laughed again.

"Either way, I'm just telling you that whenever you guys are ready, just give me the word and Hinata and I will make sure Kiba doesn't interrupt!" She declared and I couldn't help but smile.

She was only trying to help, after all. Sure, it was creepy and slightly disturbing that she thought ahead with all of this but, in some weird, freaky, O-m-g-w-t-f kind of way, it was sweet.

"Uh, thanks Sakura-chan. I'll remember that. Thanks for calling."

"No problem. See you at school!"

"See you."

I hung up after she did, and placed my phone back down. Glancing at the time, I huffed and stood, trudging over to the bathroom door and knocking loudly.

"Seriously what are you doing in there? I need to take a piss now!" I yelled through the wood, resting my head against it. I heard some muffled cursing and shuffling until finally the lock clicked and Sasuke came out. I glanced at his face, raising an eyebrow at the slight blush on his cheeks.

"...Were you jacking off?" I asked seriously.

"No!" Sasuke said, glaring. "I was...reading..." he mumbled the last word and my eyebrow went higher.

"Seriously? You were 'reading'?" I asked sceptically. Sasuke huffed, pushing past.

"Go take a piss, you get cranky when you don't," he teased, walking to sit on the bed. I glared at him.

"Oh I get cranky? Says the guy who throws a bitch fit if he doesn't get the last tomato."

I ducked into the bathroom and locked the door before Sasuke could lodge his impressively large shoes up my backside.

Dun dun duuuuun!...oh wait, wrong setting. O_o

XD Anyway, how did you like it? The court thing won't last very long. At all. Trust me. And as for their first time...it's coming!

Kao: LOL! 'It's coming(cumming)' ...get it? GET IT?

Me: Calm down, yes, they get it.

Kao: What? I thought it was funny! D:

Me: You think watching kids cry is funny too.

Kao: Because it is! Their faces get all scrunchy and red! It's hilarious!

Me: ...=_=

Kao: ...Stop looking at me like that...

PREVIEW

Fugaku and Mikoto work hard with Nagato and Yahiko to sort out the court case, while Naruto hangs back and waits for it all to pan out. Meanwhile, Sasuke and Kiba decide to pay a visit to a certain four-eyed menace when no one is watching. Finally, Sasuke feels he has everything ready, now all he has to do is wait for Naruto to give the go ahead. What will happen next?

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