BPOV
"So, do you all think I'm weak if I get back with Edward?" I asked the Cullen girls.
"No," they all said at the same time.
We had been at lunch for over an hour before I brought up Edward. I showed them the ultrasound pictures I had of the baby, and gave them an update on the pregnancy.
Then we caught up with each other and talked about our lives. They all seemed to be doing great. Rose was the first to bring up Edward, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested. She said Carlisle and Edward would never have the relationship they once had. That wasn't a huge shocker to me. Edward wasn't even going to Sunday dinners. Esme said he would go once in a while, but it wasn't every week. Alice continued by informing me, Edward wouldn't let Carlisle say anything about his life or how he should live it. That made me smile. Edward was becoming his own person and wasn't allowing Carlisle to run his life any longer, I was impressed and loving it.
"Is there anything you want to change with Edward? If you do, that is something you have to talk to him about," Rose said.
"I just want him to trust me. I liked the way we were. It worked for us," I told them. "I love him, and I don't think I can be without him. I would never deceive him," I went on looking down.
"None of us ever doubted you," Esme said. "You have no idea how excited Carlisle and I are to be grandparents. I even caught him looking at baby clothes," she said as we all laughed.
"I think we have found Carlisle's soft spot," Alice said.
"I know this may be an asshole thing to say, but I don't want Charleigh to be raised like Edward," I told them only to hear the girls gasp.
"You are naming her Charleigh?" Rose asked.
"Yeah, Charleigh Elizabeth."
"Edward didn't tell us that," Esme said.
"Has he told you anything?"
"He said he was going to have a daughter," Rose said. "I think he wants this time to be just between the two of you."
"He talks to Jasper about the baby. He is very excited," Alice told me.
"I would get back with him tomorrow if I knew he was going to trust me one hundred percent. I know there are no guarantees, but I want some sort of a promise? I don't know what I want," I said still feeling confused.
"Bella, I know Edward, and with that said, he has learned his lesson. I don't think he would ever overreact like this again. Will you just try to give him a second chance? Go out on a few dates with him, and see where it goes. If you decide you want to get back together, that doesn't mean you have to move in with each other and get married right away. Start off by just dating," Esme said.
That is what I wanted, but I knew Edward. He would push until we were back together and living in his house. "Is anyone going to eat that?" I said pointing to a bread stick.
They all said no so I ate it.
"Do me a favor and tell Edward that I ate like a cow. He thinks I don't eat enough," I said as they laughed at me.
"Are you going to talk to him?" Rose asked.
"Yeah," I said with a head nod. "I have to at least try or I will never know. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. Edward wrote me the most amazing letter; I almost caved then. We talk everyday, and I haven't seen him in almost a month. I miss him," I told them as Alice awed. "There won't be any talk of a wedding," I told them with a pointed look.
"Don't worry, I have everything saved," Alice said with a laugh.
"It will be a long while before I ever think of getting married again," I said as Rose agreed with me. "Why aren't either of you married yet?" I asked Rose and Alice.
"Jasper hasn't asked. I was being sneaky the other day, and I saw that he googled rings, so maybe soon," Alice said with a big smile.
"I don't want to get married. Em already has control over me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if we were married," Rose said with a shiver.
"If he asked, you would say yes," Esme said with a laugh.
"Maybe, if the ring was big enough," Rose said with a loud laugh.
She was just as girly as the rest of us. She even got into the wedding planning. I know she would love to have a wedding.
"Well, I have to go. I have to be home by two. I got myself in trouble last night, and Emmett only let me come, because you asked," Rose said.
"What did you do this time?" Alice asked.
"Told him to fuck off," Rose said with a shrug. "I'm sure I'll see you soon," she said to me.
After the hugs were given, she left.
We talked for a while before I said I wanted ice cream. Alice couldn't believe I was still hungry, and she said she was never having a baby. I ordered a banana split and ate it all. Alice looked disgusted that I could eat so much food. Little did she know I was thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner.
After dropping Alice off at her house, I went home and took a bath. I needed time to think. I wanted to call Edward and talk, to ask him out on a date; and I knew he wouldn't tell me no. I knew that I forgave people too easily, but why hold a grudge? I was able to forgive my father after eighteen years of not being there for me, and that was probably the best thing I could have done. Charlie was an amazing man. I forgave my mother for all the terrible hurtful things that she had said to me in the past. Why was it so hard for me to forgive Edward than?
Did I not love him enough? Could I not forgive him, because I loved him too much? Maybe I was tired of having to forgive people, and he was the one person I thought I would never have to forgive? I knew what I wanted to do. I would live a life of regret if I didn't. After I got out of my bath, I called Edward.
Even if I didn't say the words, I forgive you; at least I knew I was trying.
"Hey," Edward said. He picked up his phone after the second ring.
"I'm hungry," I told him.
"Really? I talked to my mom, Alice, and Rose, and they said you ate enough for days," he said with a chuckle.
"They must think I am so fat," I said with a laugh. "I only ate enough for the baby, now I have to feed myself."
"I see, so Charleigh is content?"
"For the moment. Plus, I haven't eaten in three hours," I said as he laughed. "Would you like to go get some pizza?" I asked as I held my breath.
"I would love to. Where do you want to go?"
"Tony's."
"Can I pick you up?" he asked as I smiled. He asked me that every time we would do something together.
"That would nice," I agreed.
"Can you give me a half hour or so?" he asked in the sweetest sounding voice.
"Yeah, I just got out of the bath, so I still need to get ready," I said as I heard him groan.
"I'll see you soon," he said.
I could hear the joy in his voice. I didn't want to be over-excited, but I couldn't help it. I was hoping for the best outcome.
Deciding on the dress he bought me for my birthday to wear, I was pretty sure he would like that. I did my hair and makeup, and was soon ready to go. While I waited for him, I worked on the payroll. The payroll was what I did most weekends.
I would probably only need to go to the office one more week, and then could just do everything at home. I wasn't sure I was going to like working from home right away. On the brighter side, I thought of all the work I could get done in the baby's room. I didn't have much furniture, but did have enough clothes. My baby was always going to be dressed in pink. Ang bought me a black onesie that said I hate pink, just in case Charleigh didn't like pink. I couldn't paint the walls of my apartment, so I was thinking of getting fabric to cover the walls. I was going to make the best room for my daughter that I could.
I was brought out of my musing when I heard a knock at the door. I became nervous, and knew I had no reason to be. I just wanted the best to come out of the evening, and was nervous it would end in a fight. With me being so hormonal who knew what could happen.
As I walked to the door, I took a couple deep breaths, and did feel calmer. It was the first time I was very anxious to see him.
"Hey, come on in," I said with a smile. He looked and smelled so good. "I would've been ready, but I worked on some stuff and lost track of time. I just need to grab my shoes," at that he smiled at me.
"You work too hard," he said as he followed me.
"You do, too," I gave back at him.
"The place looks great."
"Thanks. My parents gave me the living room furniture, and the bedroom was all mine from my own room," I told him as I found a pair of slip ons.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but Charlie must pay you well for you to be able to afford this place," he said as I looked up at him.
I could tell by the look on his face that he knew something that I didn't. "How did you know which apartment I lived in?"
"From work."
"I never used this address."
"Jasper told me," he said too quickly for me. "So, you ready to go?"
"Do you own this place?"
"No."
I could tell he was telling the truth, but I had a nagging feeling that he knew something more.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'm getting really hungry."
We headed out the door and were almost out of the building when I heard a woman getting loud with another person.
"I don't pay fifteen hundred dollars a month to live here for you to do nothing, Mr. Cullen," the woman said as I came to a dead stop.
Mr. Cullen? Fifteen hundred dollars? I was going to kill Charlie. Edward had a horrified look on his face. I took a step back and looked around the corner.
"Oh, Bella. Please tell Mr. Cullen how awful my neighbors are," Lola said. She was the bitchy old lady that thankfully liked me.
"Well, isn't this a small world," I said as I shook my head at Emmett. "Long time no see."
"Um...yeah, you too. You look great," Emmett said.
"Thanks, so you own this place?" I asked.
All he did was nod.
"I see. Her neighbors love their music. Lola, it was nice to see you," I said as she smiled sweetly at me. I walked away from a flustered looking Emmett and headed back to Edward.
"I swear I knew nothing. All I knew was that Emmett owned the building," Edward said before I could ask any questions.
My night was ruined. Even though Edward had nothing to do with my living arrangements, I was still upset. I was on the verge of tears and he knew it.
"Do you still want to go out, or do you want to order in?"
"I don't know," I said as I burst out in tears. I covered my face and Edward was quick to comfort me.
He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. "Come on," he whispered into my ear.
I could tell without looking he was walking me back to my apartment. Once we were at my door, I fished out my keys, and we walked to the living room and sat down.
"No one thinks I can take care of myself," I said as I cried harder.
"That's not true. I'm sure Charlie just wanted to make sure you didn't struggle."
"How much should my rent be?"
"I'm not sure. I think close to eighteen hundred," he said as I shook my head.
"I don't even pay half the rent. Are everyone's utilities included?" I asked looking at Edward.
All he did was shake his head no.
"Not even my own father believes in me."
"Bella, it's not like that. I'm sure he just wanted you to have a nice place. He feels like he owes you something, and I think this is his way of doing it," Edward said rubbing my back.
"Do you know how much money he has wasted because of me? Between my wedding dress, and the girl's dresses he lost close to ten thousand dollars, and now he is paying my bills? How is that fair? I didn't need this apartment. I could have had something different," I cried even harder, if that was possible.
"Baby, besides my community, this is the best neighborhood. I don't want you and Charleigh anywhere else. If you don't want Charlie to pay your bills, use your card."
"I wanted to do this myself! I didn't want anyone else's money. I wanted to take care of myself, and yet I still have to depend on my father and ex-boyfriend for money!" I half yelled. I knew I couldn't pay for everything on my own. Well, maybe I could, but I wouldn't have any money left.
"Once Charleigh is here, I'm going to give you money anyway. We can just start it now," Edward said trying to make me feel better. "Please, let me do this for you and our daughter?"
I stared at Edward for a minute, and then looked away. Every fucking time I think my life is coming together, something goes wrong. I was so fed up with everything. Not sure of what to think, and I didn't know what to do. What could I do?
I knew I was going to call Charlie and probably yell at him. I did understand why he paid my bills, but I really wanted to do it on my own.
"I wanted tonight to be about just you and me, but that has been ruined. Now, I have this to deal with. I'm sorry," I said as more tears came.
"Don't be sorry. We can figure this out together."
"We shouldn't have to figure this out. This is my problem."
"How many times do I have to tell you that you are my concern? If you need money, help with something, or if you just need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
"I know," I sulked a bit more as Edward wrapped his arms around me.
"Lets order dinner, my treat," I said drying my face.
I was glad Edward let me pay for our pizza. I think he knew I needed to do something with my money. My mind was going a mile a minute. While we waited for the pizza to be delivered, I called Charlie.
"Hey kiddo," Charlie said.
"I'm so mad at you," I started.
"What's wrong?" he asked sounding confused.
"I was going to go out with Edward tonight, but before I could get out of the building, I saw Emmett," I said.
"Bella, I just wanted to take care of you," he confessed quickly. Knowing already why I was mad.
"I wanted to do this on my own."
"I know you did. I just didn't want to see you struggle," he said not sounding sorry at all.
"Why don't you believe in me?"
"Bella, I do believe in you, I just knew you would turn me down if I asked if I could help you," he said.
"So, instead you go behind my back and lie to me?"
"You are overreacting."
"I don't think so. I don't want your help. If I can't afford this place, then I will move," I said as he sighed. "I want copies of all my bills tomorrow. I'll stop by and get them," with that I hung up the phone.
Edward sat quietly by my side as I talked to Charlie. I didn't know how I was going to work all of my bills, but I was truly going to try to do it on my own. I went into my office, and grabbed my notebook and a calculator.
I knew I was being rude to Edward, but I needed to figure out my financial status, or I wouldn't get any sleep. I asked Edward for Emmett's number, and I was surprised at how easy Edward gave up the number. I found out that my rent was one thousand-eight hundred and fifty dollars. My mouth dropped.
Emmett tried to make a deal with me, saying I only had to pay the seven hundred a month, but there was no chance in hell that was going to happen. He made very good arguments, but I needed to do this. I wrote out my entire bill list, so I knew the extent of my financial bind.
I started to cry when I truly realized that I couldn't do it on my own. After paying rent, I would only have a little over five hundred dollars left. I didn't need my hair done, or my nails, so that would save me money. I had enough clothes...but I loved shopping. Ugh, what was I going to do?
"I'm going to have to get a second job," I lay my head against the back of the couch.
"No," Edward said as I glared at him.
"Excuse me?"
"I said no. I'm putting my foot down on this one."
"I don't have enough money! I need to get another job."
"Use my fucking money!"
"No!"
We stared at each other for a long while. He hadn't really said what I could or could not do in a long while. It felt nice to argue with him. Edward telling me what to do was his way of showing me that he cared.
"Why must you be so stubborn? You have done nothing but fight me every step of the way. Our relationship, our baby, and now our money. You are just lucky that I'm more stubborn than you, or I would have given up a long time ago," he said shaking his head.
"Give up, I don't care," I said lying through my teeth. I would die if he gave up on me, and then I would be the one groveling at his feet.
"Look me in the eyes and say that again."
I never looked him in the eyes, but my emotions took over. "This is all your fault."
"Yes. I have taken blame for our relationship; can we fucking move on?!" he half yelled. "How did you want me to react when you told me you were pregnant? It was a one percent chance that this could have happened! I fucked up! I'm sorry! There is nothing else I can say or do," he said throwing his hands in his air. "Tell me what to do, Bella. Baby, I love you so much, and I want our family; please tell me what to do!"
"You're doing fine," I said as I started to cry. This crying shit was getting old. "I envisioned this night being so different. I'm so sick of the drama in my life. I wanted to end it, but it seems never ending. I...I wanted to talk to you about starting over. I thought I had finally gotten myself together enough to know what I wanted, but now, I feel lost again."
"Bella, we can start over. I want that more than anything," Edward moved even closer to me.
"I don't think I can do this without you," I said in a whisper. "But, I don't know if I'm ready to jump right back into a relationship."
"We can take it slow, I promise I won't push," he said as I laughed.
"Much."
"What?" he asked confused.
"You forgot to say much. I know you too well. You will push even if you don't realize it," I said as he smiled.
"Okay, I promise not to push too much," he said with a small chuckle. "Please don't look for a second job."
I didn't say anything. Not wanting to make any promises I couldn't keep.
Once the pizza arrived, we didn't have any leftovers. I could tell Edward was happy to see me eat. I knew he worried about me, but was hoping to ease his mind. I wanted us to work. I was hoping for the best outcome.
We were going to take our time getting back to where we were. I really didn't think our relationship was ever going to be what it was, but I could hope it would be close. Like I had said before, I liked the way we were; I craved it.
By the end of the night, we had a date planned for after my next doctor's appointment. I was excited to see what was in store for my future. Maybe I could have the American dream after all.