"Damn it," Phoebe whispered. "What the hell does any of this mean? What does it mean?" She glanced at the laptop screen. It should make sense, but it all looked like gobbledygook. She had managed to bypass the security just fine, but she could barely understand what her dad wanted her to do. "This makes no sense. I get that you wanted to keep your stuff safe but this is ridiculous." She laid her head back and rubbed her temples. The first time she glanced at them, with Samuel, she had thought they looked fairly simple. That felt so long ago. "Dad, didn't you think that I might not be able to fit in the damn thing because I would be older by the time I needed to fight? Couldn't you have invented something that would grow with me? Dad, come on, you need to give me something." She had no idea why she was talking to herself. Hopefully it didn't mean she was crazy. If she was she'd be useless. Abso-fucking-lutely useless. Even more useless than she already felt.
"It's okay, Phoebe. Let me help you out," Bryan said.
"No thanks," she said, "I can do this on my own. I just need some time."
"We don't have time, Phoebe. We don't know when Loki will attack, so we need to get this done as soon as possible. Okay?"
"Fine." She pinched the bridge of her nose. Bryan grabbed the laptop and glanced at it for a few moments, mouthing the directions silently to himself.
"Okay, so first open the control panel, then disconnect the red wire and the yellow wire from the control panel and connect them together."
Phoebe glanced down at the open panel but couldn't see any yellow wires. She saw red wires, blue wires, green wires, orange wires, purple wires…Almost every single color except for yellow. "I don't see any yellow wires. Was my dad colorblind or something?"
"No. It says very specifically to disconnect the yellow wire. It's right there," Bryan said and pointed to one of the wires.
"That's chartreuse."
Bryan just stared at her. "Fine disconnect the red wire and the chartreuse wire from the control panel and connect them to each other."
She did so and continued to follow his directions; connecting and disconnecting wires, taking pieces apart, organizing them and then trying them on to see what would fit. The cold metal scraped against her skin and the wires itched. Connecting the pieces and finding a power source were probably going to be the most difficult parts. Controlling it wouldn't be hard. She was planning on making the controls as simple as possible. A trigger blaster and a jet pack. She wouldn't need a fancy suit with computer controls. Not practical. If only she knew how her dad had made his first one.
She pictured herself as a little girl being tucked into bed and being told stories of all her dad's adventures. No. There was no time to think about that kind of thing. Focus on the present. The present. Not the past.
Her stomach began to growl. She hadn't eaten much lately even though Stevie had been giving her bits of his meals. He seemed so concerned with making sure she felt comfortable. It was patronizing and annoying. At least, Bryan wasn't like that.
"So, Bryan…How do you know so much about this kind of stuff?"
"Director Fury and Agent Hill decided to only teach us the things they thought would be useful. So we focused on things like fighting, and designing things like bombs. Since my dad was a scientist they decided they'd teach me about this stuff…If it makes you feel any better I can barely read anything over a third or fourth grade level."
"Wow…" She had no idea what else to say and thought about her private tutors. Somehow, she felt horrid about it. She knew nothing about how to work this stuff but she had perfect calligraphy, knowledge of history and a whole bunch of crap that useless for anyone but a princess. "This will sound weird…but I'm curious as to how you manage with your…condition?"
"I just try to keep calm…It's hard sometimes but I've gotten better but I'd really rather not talk about it. Now…I think you should use one of the purple suits legs as a brace."
She nodded and without thinking rubbed her bad leg. Though some days it was painless, other days it was annoying and painful but it was always hard to move. Once all of this was over, she'd get the useless thing chopped off and replaced with a prosthetic. "Yeah, sounds good. Sounds good."
"Okay. Do you want to test it out now?"
"No, thank you. I need to get some air."
Upstairs, she took several deep breaths happy to be in a larger space. Bryan was called away by Fury to do one thing or another. For a while she watched the people who has joined helping out; noting food and weapon supplies, training, learning the maps of the palace and trying to decipher Loki's next move by listening to radio broadcasts. Unfortunately it seemed as though most of what was going on was gossip. She slumped down on the floor and examined her hands. They had become scaly and raw from the work. They ached but had never felt better.
"You okay, Phoebe?"
"I'm fine, Agent Hill," she said, "Just a little tired."
"How's the suit going?"
"Good…" Phoebe said and started rubbing her hands against her pants. She just needed to be alone in her own thoughts for a few moments. Hill was too close to her. There was no personal space. None. "I think I'm going to go back down to work on the suit." She started to get up but Hill gently grabbed her wrist gently.
"Please, I'm trying to avoid my mother…and besides I think it will be good if the two of us…bonded or at least talked. Girl-to-girl. I can't imagine you had any feminine role models at the palaces..."
"I really should get back to what I was doing. I'm sorry but I want to get all of this done as soon as possible. I'm sorry, but maybe we could do it later? And besides, I'm fine with role models…" She started playing with her hair.
"We could talk about Stevie." Hill said and smiled.
Phoebe felt her face flush and her cheeks burn, "What about him?"
She raised an eyebrow, "I think it's pretty obvious. It's okay to…"
"How about something else?" Phoebe said tugging on her hair more. No talking about her feelings, no talking about Stevie. Couldn't she just be left alone? Maybe even go back to working on the suits. She really felt like blowing something up.
"Do you want to talk about Gunnar?"
"No." Immediately Phoebe got up and started walking towards to the basement again. Why did she need to bring up Gunnar? There was no need to bring him up at all. Even though she knew Hill was trying to be kind it bothered her. She really didn't know a lot about Gunnar. What could they possibly talk about when he was the subject? How his death affected her? He had been the only person she was sure cared about her without thinking how he could use her in a way to further their goals. Even Stevie was iffy in that regard. She liked him and was sure he liked her, but she wasn't sure if part of the reason he liked her was because of what she could do.
Hill stepped in front of the door to the basement, "Look Phoebe I'm really sorry…I shouldn't have bought him about. You two must have been very close. I should have known it was a touchy subject for you. I apologize. For everything."
"What do you mean for everything? Are you sorry for my loss? Are you sorry for the fact that he won't be able to fight? Are you sorry that he's dead? Are you sorry that you killed him?" Tears started dreaming down her face as the words flew out of her mouth, each one sentence said with more anger than the one before. "Is that it?"
"That's not what I meant. Please…"
"What did you mean then?" She glared, fists curled, ready to punch. Even though she knew she wouldn't win, she just needed to…She wanted to. She had to. Somebody's hand went on to her shoulder. She tried to shrug it off but the grip was strong.
"Calm down, Phoebe. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Now, think about your happy place. Think about how relaxed and comfortable you feel there. Breath in again. Breath out again. Relax your body."
She kept following Bryan's directions, took another deep breath and slid down on to the floor. Her legs and arms felt like jelly. There was no way she would be able to stand. She began to shiver and sob. Her throat was raw and her eyesight was blurry. Bryan continued to calm her down, "Shhhh…. Phoebe… Shhhh…. It's okay… Just remain calm. Breath. It's okay. There's no reason to be angry. There's no reason to be upset. Now in your next breath I want you to release all your anger. Scream. Yell. Curse. Do whatever you need to do but don't be violent. Be constructive."
She managed to haul herself up and headed straight down to the basement without bothering to talk to anyone else. She made sure to slam the door shut then she took several deep breathes and screamed; Damnit, Fuck, Shit, Crap, Motherfucking hell. That felt better. Breath in, breath out. She screamed again. She kept repeating the actions until her throat felt as though it were about to tear in two. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. She took one more deep breath. No more crying. Time to get to work. Be productive. Get to work. She tried focusing on the suit but every time she picked something up her mind began to wander away from the task. She didn't want to go back up yet but she didn't want to stay down here doing nothing. She noticed the huge machine in the back of the room and decided to check it out.
Her first instinct was to feel around it and look for an opening. She figured there had to be something hidden in it. There had to be a reason for it to be there.., There just had to be. Fuck, why couldn't this stuff be easy? She managed to grasp a handle but it wouldn't budge. "C'mon, budge. Budge! Budge."
It didn't work. It felt as though the thing was rusted shut after all the years. She would need help. Great. Maybe, Stevie would be able to help her. Hopefully. Slowly, she climbed the stairs, and started to open the door. She poked her head out, "Stevie? Stevie, are you there?" She didn't see him and nobody else seem to hear her. "Hey, can somebody help me here?"
One woman hurried over to her, "I can help you. What do you need me to do?"
"Can you just get Stevie? Please?"
She nodded and went off. She came back a few minutes later with Stevie trailing behind her. "Do you need anybody else?"
Phoebe shook her head, "No thank you. I just need Stevie."
She smiled, "Okay, I'll leave you two alone. Have fun… Wait a second, you have hair in your face." The woman immediately took tucked her hair behind her ear and then patted her head, "There that's better. You can't see your pretty face otherwise."
A chill ran down her spine, "Thanks…" Phoebe grabbed Stevie's hand and nearly dragged him downstairs while her heart beat wildly. For some reason, the way the woman brushed her hair back reminded her of… of…
"Phoebe, are you okay?"
"Fine… Can you help me out? I felt a door in the back of the machine but I can't get it to move."
He nodded and attempted to get the door open. He grunted, pulled and pushed. For a moment Phoebe was sure that he had gotten it. But when he turned around, his brow sticky with sweat, he shook his head. "Sorry, it's stuck."
"Maybe if we try together we can get it unstuck."
"Okay."
Phoebe squeezed between him and the machine. His breath was warm against the back of her neck and his sweaty arms felt cool against her own. They both gripped the door handle.
"On the count of three," Phoebe said, "We yank. Ready?"
"Ready."
"One. Two. Three."
They pulled on the handle. There was a creak and a pop then two of them fell down on the ground. She rolled off of Stevie and on to the floor then hauled herself into a standing position.
"You okay? How's your leg?"
"I'm fine. Sorry for landing on you."
"Totally fine. Now let's check to see… Your hand! Look at your hand."
Phoebe glanced down at her left hand. A blister had burst and had soaked her hand in thick pus and sticky blood. She was about to wipe it on her shirt when Stevie grabbed it. He flipped her hand over studied it for a moment and flipped it over again. He pressed against the burst blister, causing her to yelp. "Stay right there. I'll be back."
Stevie rushed up the stairs and out the door. He came back moments later with a bottle of water, some clothes and some bandages. He poured the water over her hand. Phoebe winced, "That hurts."
"Just hold on a minute," Stevie said and poured more water over, "We need to clean it out then we can put a bandage over it. It might sting."
She nodded and Stevie began to dab at her wound with the rag. She tried not wince. How pathetic would Stevie think she was if she complained about a blister? She bit the bottom of her lip to prevent from herself from making any noise. After he finished cleaning her hand, Stevie began to wrap the bandage around her hand slowly and methodically, "There, you should be good now. Is anything else injured?"
"I don't think so," she said and began playing with her hair again, "I should probably get back to work. Thanks for your help, though." She felt her cheeks flush again.
"Is there anything else I can do?"
Phoebe thought about for a moment and glanced down at her hand. "Can you kiss it? My.. uh… nanny used to do it, and now it just makes me feel better. Do you think you could do it?"
He blushed bright red and nodded, "Sure, if that's what makes you comfortable."
He took her hand in his and bought it up to his lips. She couldn't feel his lips through the bandages though. "Is that better?"
"My lips hurt too." She had no idea how she thought of those words or how they even came out of her mouth. She felt her entire face turn hot and looked away. Crap. How could she be so stupid? She started to turn around to go up stairs but Stevie kept her hand in his. She turned around and put her hand on her shoulder. He put his arm around her waist. Then Phoebe leaned in, brushed her lips against his, and waited until he pulled her in to go deeper.
There were no words to describe how she felt. Her mind went blank and it felt like she and Stevie were the only two people in the universe, or at least the only two that mattered. His arms were warm, and she could hear his heart beat. She couldn't identify what he smelled like but decided that she liked it.
"You smell nice," he said.
"You too."
He rested his chin on her head, buried his nose in her hair before kissing her again. The door clicked open but neither of them turned.
"Goddamnit, couldn't you two have waited until we were done fighting? Now I owe Maria twenty bucks…"
(Don't worry, there's another chapter on its way. I promise. Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers, favoriters and followers and of course my beta reader, Lollypops101.)