The Gauntlet

Chapter 37

They were unable to get Ice Skate Boy an MRI until late in the afternoon. House of course went completely off the deep end and tried to badger Cuddy into submission. However, no amount of wheeling, dealing, cajoling or sexual harassment proved successful because there had been a construction accident on the thruway during rush hour traffic and was deemed more important than a slightly bleeding penis… much to the men's dismay, of course. In Remy's mind though, the turn of events proved that God was indeed a woman. So, she had spent the better of the day avoiding House.

She was glad they had a case, albeit a completely contrived one of 'y' chromosomal allegiance, because that meant she could keep busy and not have to be around him. His general proximity to her made her heart ache. Even now, the knowledge that he was four floors up, when she was in Radiology down in the basement, was a little overwhelming.

A small chink in her armor allowed her to notice how much he he'd looked like he'd been dragged behind a pick-up trunk when he hobbled his ass in this morning. He gave them some lame excuse of a stomach bug but she knew it had to be self-induced. And for that she was glad. Good, let him feel a little bit of pain over this. Why should he be able to escape unscathed?

She had promised herself, and Teddy, that she wasn't going to let him get to her, that she wasn't going to be bothered by him. It was just an affair. They had sex. He didn't want her anymore and now it was over. It was simple math. She'd been there, done that before and she was no worse for the wear. Except somehow, this time was different.

The problem was, she wasn't getting over it like the others. Sure, it had only been a few days but this hurt like a gaping, bloody wound. House didn't want her anymore. The knowledge of that took the wind right out of her sails and left her stranded on the beach without any source of rescue. She felt empty, alone, and used.

At the onset, it felt like a privilege to be within his notice. He was intrigued by her and she nurtured the mystery because it taunted him. It made her feel special, singled out and it stupidly stroked her ego. It was a game and good god, when he looked at her it felt like she was the only person on the planet. And that was all before they had even started anything. Afterwards, she felt like she was Teflon and nothing could touch her. Just once, every woman should be so lucky to have a man's attention the way he noticed her, they way he looked at her, the intimate way he touched her. Remy wasn't sure if any man could ever touch her again and live up to the way House had made her feel. He was walking sex and his mere proximity to her made her yearn.

But, if Remy really allowed herself to think, she would have to acknowledge that it wasn't just the sex that she would miss. It was his mind. He was utterly brilliant. There was a side to him that no one saw, a part of him that was tender, vulnerable and completely adorable. He liked human contact, watched sappy emotional movies and enjoyed the comforts of having someone to spend time with. Those were the parts that she would regret, because those were the parts that were the real him, completely unguarded, unprotected and genuine. He had shown her those parts of himself and then he took them away. It was like all of a sudden he packed up his toys and went home and she was left standing there without any clue that the wind had shifted direction. Her sails were empty and she was dumped. Alone.

"I didn't mean to make you upset at the party the other night," Kutner said out of the blue snapping out of her distracted reverie.

Remy plastered a smile on her face and clicked the mouse to select one of the MRI options. "You didn't."

"Do you really think House had food poisoning?" he pressed her as the familiar hum of the machine came to life when the scan began.

"It doesn't matter what I think," she told him simply. "It's what he wants us to think."

Kutner shrugged and leaned back in the rolling chair. "Yeah but," he objected. "He looks really… I don't know… sad."

Remy closed her eyes and swallowed. Of course this was going to happen. They already knew about the affair, of course they'd figure out the break up too. "He is sad… and pathetic."

"No… like upset sad, not jerky sad," he continued. "Do you think something happened?" Was he serious? Did he really think he was fooling her into thinking that this wasn't about her?

Remy focused on the scanning. "I don't really care. No structural abnormalities, no torsion, just some swelling in the prostate and urethra which could be causing the blood," she reported. "And it's really none of your business."

Kutner looked at her and gave her a concerned smile. "You've been a little distant the past two days. Are you ok?"

Sliding her eyes to the side, she stared at him for minute and then forced herself into a cheerful smile. "I'm fine. And if I wanted to talk about it, wouldn't I have brought it up?"

Kutner shrugged and nodded his head returning back to the task at hand. He slid one last glance at Remy and she fired back a glare that told him to back off. God, why couldn't he just butt out? Remy sighed. Kutner meant well; but she really couldn't talk about it. She wasn't fine. She was upset and it hurt to just be within a hundred yards of House. Talking about it, to Kutner or anyone, wasn't going to make that pain go away.

After finishing with the MRI and wheeling the patient back to his room, they made sure he was situated comfortably before they went to the lab to meet up with Taub and Foreman to report their inconclusive results.

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Much later, Remy gathered her things in the locker room and went back to the office to pick up her laptop. She was hoping he wasn't there but his lights were on and he was sitting at his desk on the computer. Every one else had gone home so she figured it was a good a time as any to return his key. Seeing as how she didn't need it anymore, having it in her purse only served as a reminder that he no longer wanted to be with her.

Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for the unpleasant task and pushed through the door to his office. When he heard the door open he looked at her, momentarily startled by her presence. He must have thought he was completely alone; it was late after all and she should have left an hour ago. His eyebrows grew serious and his eyes became guarded as he watched her step into the room.

"Patient ok?" he asked tilting his head toward her.

"Yes." Not really trusting her self to say more, she approached the desk with the key in the palm of her hand. "Here's your key," she said almost silently and placed it in the middle of his blotter quickly with as little provocation as possible.

Stepping back, Remy watched him take in a deep breath and his eyes darken as he looked at his returned gift. His face morphed through a maelstrom of emotions and she closed her eyes for a second against the guilt rising in her chest. She had no intention of drawing this out any longer than necessary. She wanted to be in, out, done, but for some reason she couldn't move. Opening her eyes, she saw him reach out and finger the stone before picking up and holding it in his hand. His knuckles turned white as he crushed the sharp edges of the key into his palm. Remy's heart squeezed and she stepped backward to leave. She didn't want to say anything more. There was no need to talk about it. What was done was done.

Unexpectedly, he rose from his chair then and limped around the side of his desk to come to stand before her. Still, she couldn't find it in her to move. She knew she should turn and get the hell out of there but she couldn't as his eyes trapped her there pleading with her to stay. He didn't have any right to look at her that way, like she had just hurt him by returning his gift.

Fighting with every ounce of her being, she turned around to walk out when he reached out suddenly with his hand and gently clasped her wrist. Remy took in a shuddering breath. The contact of their skin together again made her pulse hammer erratically where his fingers gently grazed her, rooting her solidly where she stood. He lowered his eyes to her hand and silently placed the key back into her palm closing her fingers over it. Covering her fist with his, his hand held her tightly as if he could somehow keep her there; somehow make her feel everything that he needed her to know. His fingers moved delicately over the flesh of her palm and at the sensitive skin of her wrist stoking her, reminding her of how beautiful it felt to be caressed by him.

Remy felt tears well in her eyes as his hand softly slipped up her arm to shoulder trailing a path of searing, unspoken words that she didn't know if she wanted to hear. Coming to rest at her collarbone, his fingers paused delicately and then curled around her neck. Instinctively, she turned her cheek into his palm. His hand was so warm, so alluring and it was almost her undoing.

She closed her eyes against the sweet pain of his caress. It was so unfair of him to touch her that way, so tenderly, so lovingly. If he didn't want her anymore, why was he touching her like he did? He had told her he was done. It had been just an affair. Nothing more.

Opening her eyes, she saw his breath hitching his chest as he stepped closer to her. A lone tear slipped over her lashes and rolled down her cheek, unchecked. It felt like no matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she fought against it, she couldn't stop crying over him. The pain reflected in his eyes crushed her and it tore at her heart, confounding her. Why was he doing this to her? Why did he split them up if he felt this much for her? She knew he was inept at this kind of deep personal emotion, but after all they had shared, couldn't he have at least tried to be honest with her? But instead, he had shut her out. And now he was silently asking to be let back in.

Slowly, reverently, he brought his lips to the corner of her mouth and her heart split in two. Turning her head away from him, she rejected his need for her, protecting herself from further torment.

"Remy, " he whispered against her skin, his voice thick with feeling. The pain in her heart was overwhelming. The simple sound of her name on his lips destroyed her, almost shredding her resolve to the core. She couldn't let him play with her emotions this way. She didn't want to forgive him.

A sob escaped her throat. "Don't." She brought her hand up between them to stop him. "Don't use my name." Never once had he called her by her name until today, until this very moment.

He breathed in deeply, hovering over her, his eyes heavy and clouded with sorrow. "I miss you."

She shook her head imperceptibly, shuddering under the raging war inside of her. "You hurt me."

Pulling her against him, he sighed heavily and looked her straight in the eye. "I know."

Swallowing, she shuddered under his closeness, lured into his magnetism. He touched his lips to hers tentatively as if it were a plea for her forgiveness. His kiss burned her with memories of how sensitive and loving his touch could be, but she couldn't let him have that kind of control over her; she couldn't allow him to win. Summoning all of her pride, she stepped swiftly out of his gravity before he pulled her irrevocably under. "I can't."

He licked his lips and nodded in understanding as he stepped back from her graciously giving her the space she needed. Once out of his nearness, she felt empty and hollow. The chill that she hadn't been able to shake since that night enveloped her once again and she brought her arms around her middle to quell the ache in the pit of her stomach. She placed the key on the corner of his desk and left his office, shaken and broken.

This was so much harder than she thought it would be.