Not only did the shmoop monster bite me, it thoroughly slobbered me... Actually, I think I may have described the shmoop monster.
Xander's heart wants to explode out of his chest and wrap itself around the vampire. Which is ridiculous, and stupid, and wholly impractical. Like there's a giant raspberry tentacle monster living in his chest cavity eager to eat Spike whole, consuming him from the inside and desperate for more; the Alien that one-ups Sigourney Weaver and makes it down to earth for the total destruction of all things Xander; a giant man-eating plant of a heart that wants to slowly masticate Spike until the vampire is part of him on the cellular level. He's mixing his metaphors, worse, he's mixing similes and he feels like a moron, but he loves, and everything the vampire does, every slime-coated moment, every furious glower at him or on his behalf makes the gnawing desire worse – or better – until Xander thinks he will explode. Spatter Xandery bits across the marble floors of their home and leave this terrible/terrific/terrifying thing standing where he was. There is no soothing it, Xander's not sure he wants to.