December 19th - Beca

I feel like a giant idiot. I was wrong. Yes I am able to admit that. At the same time, I feel so relieved. I'm not a monster. Well, I'm sure some conservative christians would still think I am, but I'm not one of them and neither is Chloe. But an idiot, that I am. I should have known better, I don't know why I would think otherwise.

So this morning, I figured it would be safe to go back to the dorm and get a few things I left there in my haste. I could tell Dad was concerned but he didn't press me for information. That's something I'm incredibly thankful for because I can't even fathom how that conversation would go nor do I want to. Anyway, so on the walk to my dorm, I come across Stacie leaving Robertson Hall. I should ask Amy if she knows who Stacie was visiting, I'm pretty sure she's in that building. Anyway, she saw me and she got the biggest grin on her face, asking me how much I remembered about Friday. I told her "Enough.", and she responded "That's good, sounded like you had a lot of fun.", or something along those lines. My face must have went white because she asked what was the matter. I broke down and told her I thought I ruined things by taking things to far and she said "You might want to talk to Chloe because it sounded pretty consensual to me, she was begging you not to stop." It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, I was remembering things wrong! I hugged Stacie before parting ways with her and quickly got the stuff I needed from my dorm before heading back to Dad's.

At Dad's, I skipped texts and immediately called Chloe. She answered almost immediately. She was a little upset I had ignored her, and I can't blame her. Like I said, I'm an idiot. As little as I remembered, she remembered none of it, just waking up alone and naked. But she assured me I didn't do anything wrong, she wanted it every bit as much as I did. SHE WANTED IT! She's crazy about me. Chloe Beale, easily the most gorgeous woman at Barden and one of the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful people in the world, wants ME. She just wasn't sure how I felt till the other day. She was kind of elusive as to why at first but she gave in and admitted she read some of my diary. I probably should be mad at her but I'm just so relieved, plus I don't want to have any secrets from her from here on out, apart from romantic surprises. She didn't make any indication she found my special project, and I'm still not telling her about it.

I am a little sad she doesn't remember our first time together, my first time with anyone, at all, but there's not much we can do about it. We really didn't actually say the words, but I feel safe in saying CHLOE BEALE IS MY GIRLFRIEND! I really wish I was down there with her, not just so I can see her in a bikini. But that would be nice. I wonder, if I ask for one, if she'd send me a picture of what I'm missing.