Ch. 37…The End of Innocence
One by one, the statues around the room awoke.
"You know," I said. "I had a feeling this was going to happen."
"You and everyone else, bufflehead," Imoen said. It's truly a great thing to inspire such respect in your companions. Behind me, I could hear Anomen calling upon Helm to bless us.
"Cover me," Imoen said and then she began to cast. I didn't recognize the words of her spell. Three or four of the statues began silently casting spell protections on themselves. Great. Mage statues. This was beginning to remind me of that grim little battle on the first level of Watcher's Keep. I flinched when I heard someone begin the words of the insect plague spell that had panicked me so during that particular fight and then I realized that it was Jaheira. She remembered that battle too. I hoped that insects could damage statues or at least disrupt their spells.
Tiny cracks seemed to open up in the cavern walls and even in the gilded ceiling. Centipedes and scorpions rained silently down and I heard the buzz of flies as well. The statues suffered the attack of the insects in silence but from somewhere to the right I heard a muffled drow curse. Sendai. I smiled and took a breath as the warrior statues rushed forward.
Imoen finished crying out her spell.
"Watch this," she said in a satisfied voice. I was rather busy watching the warriors but then there was a terrifying roar above my head. I had to look up for I had heard that particular roar before. There was a dragon above me, a red dragon.
To be more accurate, there was the head of a red dragon. It hovered above us and opened its giant maw. Flame poured out in a shocking inferno, knocking back all of the statues and causing the still invisible Sendai to scream in agony. Yet none of us were so much as singed.
I gaped in admiration. How had she done that? I'd never heard of such a thing. I heard Imoen's smug laugh as I ran forward to press the attack. Sarevok joined me, while Jaheira and Keldorn moved back to guard Imoen. I knew they would also try to dispel the mages' protections and invisibility. Anomen finished the prayer that called forth a deva. He swooped off to my right, mace to the ready, and a moment later, Sendai became visible.
I attacked the three nearest statues with my whirlwind attack. I got in a lucky hit and one of them, already blackened and scored by the dragon's breath, crumbled to bits almost immediately. My armor deflected the blows of the other two as I hacked away at them. Suddenly I felt a tingling in my blood and all action seemed to slow around me. I realized that Imoen must have cast a haste spell upon me. I grinned and tore into the two statues, suddenly finding it simple to dodge their attacks.
Pain flared from my left side. It felt like an arrow had pierced straight through my armor but there was nothing there. With my new-found speed, I took an instant to scan the room and saw the archer who targeted me. She must be using magical arrows, the kind made of pure energy. I decided to see how she liked the feel of my blade as soon as I finished off the two statues already on my dance card, but Anomen beat me to it. And that was just as well, for as soon as I dropped them, Sendai broke away from the deva and rushed to the wall behind her.
I realized that she must have a hidden exit and I ran after her. Imoen's spell gave wings to my feet, but before I could reach her, Sendai yanked the door open and screamed something in the drow tongue. It was a cry for aid, I had no doubt. I looked behind me. Only two statues still stood, and not for long, by the looks of it. I braced myself to hold Sendai's reinforcements—but no one came.
I grabbed her arm before she could run off down the passage. I listened for a moment and heard nothing. No one was there. I slammed the door shut and dragged the drow half-breed away from it.
"Looks to me like your remaining forces have deserted you," I said as I watched Anomen and Sarevok destroy the last of the statues. I saw the same resigned knowledge on her own face. Her drow warriors would not stand with her and die if they had a route of escape. It was not their way.
Sendai wriggled out of my grip, but instead of fighting, she threw herself to her knees before me.
"Spare me, and I shall serve you," she said.
I looked down at her. Even in defeat, Bhaal's power was still strong within her, prickling me like a shirt made of sparks. She would serve me, all right, until there was a chance to stab me in the back or murder me in my sleep. I gave her a faint smile. She must think me a total fool.
Take her, daughter.
There was a hint of relief in her eyes as I slowly sheathed my sword. I could still feel the blood pounding in my veins. The room was very quiet. Still smiling, I put my hand on her throat and dragged her to her feet. I was not gentle either. She did not struggle against me but her breathing betrayed her fear. The room smelled of blood—hers, mine, and that of my companions. I drew my dagger and let her see it.
"There is only one way you can serve Me now," I said. She stared at the sharp blade. I could feel a dark presence looking through my eyes and it was not the Slayer, not exactly. Sarevok took a step towards me. His eyes glowed. The expression on his face distracted me, so I lowered my gaze to the half-drow. This was her moment. She deserved all my attention now.
Kill her, daughter.
"No!" Keldorn cried but I did not look away from Sendai's face. She gave me a venomous look and took breath, no doubt to curse me. I cut her throat before she could speak. Her blood ran out in a warm stream over my gauntlets, down her breastplate, onto the black marble floor, to the toes of my boots. I let her fall as she gasped through her severed air pipe. I stared at my blade and I felt the urge to lick it clean. Now I understood a little of Yaga-Shura's obsession with eating the hearts of his enemies because it wasn't enough just to kill her. I wanted to take her within me.
You please Me, child.
Sarevok took the dagger from my hand and thrust it into my belt sheath. His hot eyes bored into me and suddenly I was racked by a great shudder.
"Oh, gods," I cried. He closed his arms around me and that was when Sendai breathed her last and the power rolled over us.
Like after Yaga-Shura's death, we were dragged back to the pocket plane, just Sarevok and I. I was aware that the Solar stood before me but I ignored her and clung to Sarevok.
"This is going to get worse," I whispered. "Isn't it?"
He made no reply but his silence was answer enough. It seemed strange indeed to see compassion in his eyes and for such a cause. I shuddered again and we turned to face the Solar.
"I greet you once again, god-child. The second of your revelations awaits you."
I nodded. Could this be any worse than the revelation I had when I took Sendai's life? I certainly hoped not.
"I hope you have pondered your origin, for any beings of great power must know much of themselves before they can put reason to their actions. Let us continue." She looked at us both.
"This time we are not concerned with your past, god-child. Now we will look at your present. The prophecy proceeds towards its climax, as I am sure you are well aware. Your place in this prophecy is what is in question, perhaps. This question will be answered, this once, by yourselves."
The air flickered by the Solar's left side and two figures emerged from an invisible door. They wore clothing of strange design. The exceedingly tall male was clearly an image of Sarevok although without his tattoos, and with his hair grown long and pulled back in a tail. This, along with his plain clothes and lack of any personal adornment, gave him something of an ascetic look. The woman, then, must be meant to be me. Her hair was pulled back in a similar style and it didn't look like her nose had been broken once, let alone multiple times, but other than that, I assumed we looked alike. Seeing the two of them together, I could see what Anomen had meant. The resemblance was indeed striking.
They stared at us, and their faces mirrored the questions I felt.
"I am Sarevok," the man said.
"I am Keeta," the woman said. "We are spawn of Bhaal. Why are we here?"
"You are here to tell yourself of the prophecy and your own place in it," the Solar told her. The Solar turned to us. "If you are to have a say in which path you must take, listen as you speak."
"So," the woman said. "This is a copy of myself that I address, Solar?" I gave her an indignant look (for I was no copy) but the Solar spoke.
"She is a piece of you. Perhaps from another time, another dimension—but she is you, nevertheless. Speak to yourself of Alaundo's prophecy, I bid you."
"Yes," the woman said. "I was once taught of the prophecy in this way, wasn't I? The memory is strangely unclear." She took a breath. "It only makes sense that I would do it myself in the future. Listen closely. You are the center of the prophecy, but not in the way you may think. You bring murder to all you touch, that is true—the ones you hate, the ones you help, and even the ones you love."
She and the other Sarevok turned to gaze at each other and their hands touched for a moment. In her world, in her time, had she loved him too? Had she killed him as well? He looked at me as if he heard my silent question.
"Murder is part of your nature," he said. "But this is not what the prophecy speaks of. The Bhaalspawn shall bring chaos and destroy much of Faerûn—but this is not done by you. You have already killed several of those Bhaalspawn who the prophecy speaks of, those who would bring this destruction. You bring death, yes, but it is nothing like what they would do if they are successful."
The woman took a step towards me.
"You are here to stop them, Keeta," she said. "Whether you intend to or not, you exist to prevent the prophecy from coming true. The prophecy warns of your failure—not of you."
"So it is as I have hoped," I said. "I have no desire to cause the destruction the prophecy tells of."
"I felt as you do, once," she said. Her voice was heavy with regret and her eyes held a deep sadness. She felt regret? Did that mean that she had failed? She looked at the Solar and then took another step towards me. "Brace yourself for what comes next," she whispered. "I'll tell you that much."
The other Sarevok stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her and I could swear that I saw tears come to her eyes. Her Sarevok stared straight at mine in what seemed to be a warning of some sort, but I could read no more of his expression than I could of the man at my side. Her Sarevok opened his mouth as if to speak, but the Solar held out her hand and they both disappeared.
"You have been counseled by your own self," the solar said. "You are now aware of your place in these events, and why you are here. Not every soul gets such an opportunity."
"Thank you, Solar." Thanks for another meaningless revelation, I thought bitterly. Thanks for cutting it short before we could get any useful information. However if our copy-selves were from another dimension, maybe their future was too different from ours to be helpful. Like other prophecy, maybe their warnings would only make sense when it was too late to change anything.
"Then there is but one more question before you may return to your path," the Solar said. "When you return to the waking world, you will continue to speed towards your purpose—stopping the prophecy from coming true. My question is: why will you do this?"
"This destruction is wrong," I said. "It goes against everything I believe in. It must be stopped."
"It is wasteful," Sarevok added. "It serves no purpose but to bring Bhaal back. We do not want this."
"Perception is truth in this one instance, god-child. Consider what you have learned. Farewell." She disappeared.
I waited for us to be gated back to Sendai's enclave but nothing happened.
"Why are we still here?" I asked Sarevok. "After Yaga-Shura died, we were sent back immediately."
"Perhaps it is because the others are in no danger. As you recall, the Solar came with us last time and dispersed Yaga-Shura's army," he said. "Or perhaps we are meant to face this next challenge alone."
I put my arms around him and laid my cheek against his breastplate. Armored hugs are not very satisfying and I felt an almost desperate need to touch his flesh. I rose up on tiptoe and kissed him. It was a long, clingy and needy kiss.
"What does it mean?" I asked him. "Why was that future me so sad? Will this be like Saradush all over again? I don't know if I can bear another failure, Sarevok, not on top of everything else."
"We will not fail."
"How do you know that?"
"Our presence in the future implies that we survive. If we survive, then we do not fail."
"That was a future, not necessarily our future. Besides, I'm not so sure that our survival is any guarantee that we were successful in defeating the prophecy." He gave me a wry look. Survival was good enough for him, I gathered.
"I thought that your god demanded optimism."
It was hard for me to feel very optimistic when I so clearly remembered the strength of my desire to taste Sendai's blood. I held him harder.
"What is wrong with me?" I asked. "She begged me for mercy and I murdered her." And I enjoyed doing it. That was perhaps the worst part.
"You could not let her live," Sarevok said but I heard a trace of regret in his voice and it felt like a tiny betrayal.
"You wanted me to spare her?" He shook his head, but at my look he spoke.
"She had valuable information. I know that you had little choice in what you did but I would have liked the chance to interrogate her."
Oh.
"She would never have talked unless I swore to free her," I said. Sarevok just raised his brows. "Would you have me break an oath?"
"No. She would have talked, eventually."
"Keldorn would never stand for us torturing a prisoner," I said. "Not even a drow." My brief acquaintance with Sendai had been enough to convince me that threats alone would not suffice. I wasn't so sure torture would either but I was willing to concede that my Deathbringer lover knew more than I about such things.
"I don't think Anomen or any of the others would stand for it either, to be fair." I sighed, wishing that I could claim the higher ground for myself as well. "As it is, I'm not so sure Keldorn will forgive me for killing her after she surrendered. He may leave us over that alone."
"She did not deserve mercy. She was evil."
"Sarevok," I said. "So am I. You were there. Did you not feel it? It was Him. He was as close as my own shadow."
"It is as you said earlier," he said. "Our father needs you to kill all the kin. He will press you in every way that He can."
I didn't say what I knew we both were thinking. Bhaal was stronger now. He was much stronger. I could feel His presence outside of dreams now. I had not been able to withstand Him, and that was before Sendai had died. What could He make me do now?
"I hate this," I said, and I drew my sword. "Let's see what is in that challenge room."
We walked into the new room and came face to face with—me. Again.
This was not some strange me from some unknown place and time. This was a younger me from my own life. This was the lanky gawky me with the sprinkle of acne on the nose that had only been broken once, the me whose hair Imoen had recently bobbed just below my ears, the me from my sixteenth summer. She cocked her head when she looked at me.
"I am a part of you that you have forgotten, Keeta. I am a piece of you that you have set aside." She walked partly around me, taking in my general appearance, and her nose wrinkled a bit when she saw the blood on my gauntlets. "It was I that grew up in Candlekeep unaware of my heritage—unaware of the base evil that lurked in my soul. I left my home long ago with bright eyes to face the world."
Actually I had left my home in confused haste and soon found myself fleeing for my life but I let her words slide. She wasn't really me, not even a copy. There was no point in arguing with a spirit puppet.
"I am your innocence, Keeta. I need not be lost forever. You need not drive me from your heart. Your struggle against the taint of our father has eroded me, but I am not gone yet. You can still reclaim me!"
"You are my innocence?" I asked, letting my incredulity be heard.
"This plane is an extension of yourself, as am I. You have a need to address your dwindling innocence, and so you have brought me forth. What you decide here has power, though not all decisions are conscious ones. Were you to decide to restore me, it would be so. You would be an innocent anew, just as the day you left Candlekeep so long ago. The horror of recent events would be forever behind you."
"What do you mean, it would be behind me? It would never have happened? That seems impossible. Or would I just forget it all? Why would I want to do that?"
"Do you wish to keep fighting the same endless battle against the nature you were born with? Think, for a moment, at how much you have changed since that fateful day in Candlekeep. You have killed many, bathed yourself in blood. And the darker portions of your soul have come forth whether you have liked it or not." She gave Sarevok a curious look. He watched her with a very strange expression.
"You know this will only continue," she said. "You have suffered so much already. Gorion is dead, as are so many other friends. You know that this road you are on only leads to more loss. Let us return to a time when such trials did not have to be faced. Reclaim me, Keeta. Let us both be born anew."
"Be born anew? Am I to forget everything that has happened to me?" Forget not just the friends I had lost but also the friends I still had? Was I to forget the love I had known as well as the heartbreak I had suffered? Was I to forget everything I had learned?
"No," I said. "I do not want that."
She turned to Sarevok.
"What about you, brother? Would you return to the time of your innocence?"
"I have no innocence to recover," he said with a hard laugh.
"There you are wrong," she said. "You have forgotten it, perhaps, but there was a time when you, too, were innocent. There was a time before Gorion killed your mother on the very steps of Bhaal's altar—before you sold your body to strangers on the streets for food or shelter—before Rieltar strangled your foster mother in your presence. There was a time before you chose to embrace the evil that surrounded you instead of trying to escape it."
"Do you think I am such a fool as to wish to return to being a babe in arms?" he asked, but he looked at me as he said it. Did he think I would contradict him? Did he imagine I wished him to be other than he was?
"There is no going back to what has already passed," I said. "What you offer is no answer for either of us."
"I see. So there is no room for innocence in the heart of an immortal?" My brows rose at that. "Such is as it was meant to be. With innocence dead, the path to that which is immortal within you lies one step closer. Face it—if you dare."
That was all the warning either of us needed. As she changed shape, I took a two handed grip on my sword. When the Slayer stood before us, we both attacked. We had fought together so many times now that we had no need for thought or coordination. We fought; it died. The end of innocence was bloody, as was the end of most things, in my experience.
If only it were so easy to defeat the Slayer within myself.