Breakeven
Disclaimer - Emmerdale & its characters do not belong to me, they belong to ITV
A/N - ENJOY!
Wednesday morning and Aaron was once again woken to Casey jumping on him, he grabbed hold of her and hugged her tight "Morning!" he tells her and she grins at him "Morning Daddy"
"Want me to make breakfast?" he asks her but Casey shakes her head "Nope" she giggles "I'm just going to nursery" Aaron's eyes focus and he realises that his daughter is dressed "Victoria made me breakfast but she said I had to wake you up before I go to nursery"
"Thank you!" Aaron tells her with a smile "I'm awake"
"Are you going to see Daddy?" she asks with a hopeful smile "will he come pick me up"
Aaron didn't know what to say to her. She was missing Jackson like mad, he knew that. The two nights he had been back home he had heard her call out to him in her sleep, obviously noticing his absence. So instead of trying to think up something to say he says "I'll pick you up today"
Her face falls and Aaron feels his heart break for her. "Ok daddy" she says in a voice that almost breaks his heart.
Aaron watches as she walks out of the room and falls back down onto the bed with a sigh. He kept going over what Jackson had said the night before; he just hoped he was over it.
It was nearing ten o'clock by the time Aaron arrived at the hospital. Once again he left without speaking to Hazel. She'd only want to go over what Jackson had said at the hospital and Aaron didn't want to talk about it, to her anyway.
The blinds of his room were closed but Aaron didn't notice, nor did he knock on the door. Why did he have to? He didn't as far as he was concerned.
"Don't you knock?" Jackson barks out when he notices Aaron. Aaron's eyebrows pull together. They nurse, the male one whose name Aaron can't quite remember is giving Jackson a bed bath.
Aaron ignores him and focuses on Jackson "You think after twelve years you'd know I didn't knock"
"Do you mind" Jackson says in a frosty tone "we're busy here"
Aaron nods "Yeah, I'll just sit here with my paper"
"Sit outside" Jackson says and Aaron laughs "You what? No" he turns to look at the nurse and says "I'll do it if you want"
"I don't want you to" says Jackson causing both the nurse and Aaron to look at him "Shut up" Aaron says to him, thinking he's joking "I'll do it" he tells the nurse once more then Jackson snaps "I don't want you to do it Aaron, wait outside"
Aaron turns to him quickly, fire in his eyes. He's angry, angry at Jackson for acting the way he is and speaking to him the way he was "Fine!" Aaron snaps throwing his paper onto the table at the foot of the bed and storming out.
The nurse looks at Jackson "do you want me to get him back? He seems upset?"
Jackson scoffs and says "He's a drama queen, he'll cool off"
It was a further ten minute before the nurse came out of the room. Which consisted of ten minutes of Aaron pacing the hallway cursing Jackson for behaving the way he was, there was no need for it.
"Is he still in a mood?" Aaron asks the nurse and he nods his head and offers Aaron a tight smile "he's having a hard time dealing with the worst case scenario"
"We've been through worse" Aaron finds himself telling the nurse "he should just be thankful he's alive" there's a moment of silence between Aaron and the nurse "I'm going to tell him that" Aaron says before moving past the nurse and back into the room.
Jackson was on the bed, his head back and his eyes closed. He heard the door open and he knew it could only be one person. He didn't want to open his eyes because he didn't want to see the hurt he had caused him, he hated hurting Aaron.
"You can snap at me as much as you want Jackson. I'm not going anywhere" Aaron finally speaks and Jackson opens his eyes. Staring into those blue eyes that he loves so much, he can see the hurt in them, the confusion and he doesn't want to be the cause of it but he doesn't want to be a burden to Aaron.
"You told me to think about what I said, I have" he says "I haven't changed my mind. You're better off without me"
Aaron scoffs
"If I'm paralysed Aaron. I'll be no use to you or to Casey. I'm not holding you back. I'm not letting you hold yourself back. I love you too much to do that"
Aaron laughs. A sarcastic laughs and says "You love me? Well you seem to have forgotten what we mean to each other. What we promised on the 23rd of December 4 years ago, sorry almost five years ago"
"I remember" Jackson tells him "every word. Which is why I'm not letting you look after me"
"You don't even know if you'll be paralysed!" Aaron exclaims
"I'm not taking that chance!"
Aaron ignores him. Ignores him trying to get rid of him and sits down in the cold hard plastic chair by the bed. He tells him about Casey because he knows while he's talking about Casey he won't say anything about Aaron leaving him.
Aaron wasn't about to leave him. Jackson knew it and while he spoke about Casey he didn't have the heart to stop him. He missed his daughter and hearing about her made him feel better. He didn't want to be a burden to her either. She was just three years old. He would be no use to her if he was paralysed.
Aaron had to leave just after two pm. He had to collect Casey from nursery but no one else was around. Hazel hadn't arrived yet, she was obviously giving them time together. "I need to go get Casey" Aaron says
"I'm not thick" Jackson replies and Aaron shakes his head "coulda fooled me" Aaron tells him, standing up and leaning over. He was intent on kissing him but at the last second Jackson turns his face away and all Aaron gets is his cheek.
"What was that?"
"We're over" Jackson states "which means no kissing"
Aaron rolls his eyes "Feeling sorry for yourself again, alright" he makes for the door "Cheer up before I get back, yeah?"
"I don't want you to come back"
Aaron ignores him and keeps towards the door "See you later Jackson"
It's after eight when Aaron returns to the hospital. Hazel had come back just before he left, informing him that Jackson was in the exact same mood. Snapping and telling her how they were finished.
"He's doing my head in!" Aaron exclaimed before he left Dale Head.
There are no nurses around as he walks into the ward and into Jackson's room. "What are you doing here?" Jackson snaps "I told you. We're through"
"Yeah. I told you we weren't"
Jackson presses his bell, to summon a nurse.
"Jackson come on. You know this isn't what you want"
"It is" he assures him just as a nurse comes in.
"Yeah? What can I do for you?" the nurse asks and Jackson looks at Aaron "I don't want him here. I want him to leave but he won't. Could you remove him please"
Aaron can't quite believe what he's hearing "Ignore him" he tells the nurse "he's being mental"
The nurse looks between the two of them "I uh…"
"I want him to leave" Jackson states clearly "and I don't want him to come back. He's not allowed in"
The nurse turns her attention to Aaron and says "I'm sorry Sir. I'm going to have to ask you to leave"
Aaron glares at Jackson "I'm not going anywhere" he states "and he doesn't really want it, tell her" he demands
"I want him to go"
"Sir if you don't leave I'll have to call security"
Aaron can't believe that Jackson is taking things this far, going to call security on him? "Fine" he relents "I'll go"
Over the next five days Aaron turns up at the hospital only to be told Jackson didn't want to see him. Hazel tried to get him to see sense. Victoria tried, everyone tried but he wouldn't listen. Aaron didn't move he sat outside of Jackson's room, telling him every time the door opened that he wasn't going anywhere and he wasn't giving up on him.
It was almost a week later, a week of Jackson being determined he didn't want to see him when it all came to a head. Aaron had been late arriving at the hospital; he was late because he stopped off to help someone with car trouble. It was a woman with two kids and he just couldn't drive past her. He was going soft in his old age.
As he had been doing for the past five days, he walked towards Jackson's hospital room and pushed the door open, fully expecting to hear Jackson says "I don't want you here" but that didn't happen. Aaron pushed the door open and the last thing or person he ever expected to see was standing in the room. Jerry.
"What the hell?" Aaron demands barging into the room "what are you doing here?" he asks, getting into Jerry's face "he doesn't want you here"
"Aaron!" Jackson calls out his name but is ignored "didn't Hazel give you the message"
"Jackson wants me here" Jerry tells him, smirk on his face "AARON!" Jackson calling his name finally registers for the mechanic "What?" he snaps pulling his attention from Jerry and onto Jackson.
"I asked him here" he tells them and Aaron can't hide the hurt on his face. He takes a step towards Jackson's bed "You want him here?"
Jackson nods "what happened to what we said last week?" he asks
"He's my Dad" Jackson explains and Aaron scoffs at that "You're Dad that hates you, hates us cause we're Gay" Aaron steps towards Jerry once more "You're Dad that didn't come to our wedding" Aaron tilts his head to the side and says "we are married by the way" he turns back to Jackson, eyes wide with anger and hurt "Your dad that hasn't once met our daughter"
"You're what?" Jerry asks and Aaron can hear the disgust in his tone. Aaron straightens himself up "Our daughter" he repeats "we have a kid and I swear you say one thing about her and I will end you"
Jerry looks at Jackson "You didn't tell me that"
"Not like you've been here that long" Jackson tells him "and I thought Mum would have told you when she was born"
"This is all very touching" Aaron says sarcastically "but you need to leave before I make you"
Jerry scoffs
"Oh granddad" Aaron says "I'd take you down in a second, give me reason" he smiles and winks at him "just one"
"What are you doing here?" Jackson snaps at him, getting his attention "I'm here everyday"
"I said I didn't want you in my room, get out before I call security, I don't want you here"
"But you want him?"
Jackson nods "Yeah. I want him. Not you. Get out of here Aaron"
Aaron bangs his fists down onto the table at the foot of Jackson's bed and turns to Jerry. He looks angry and fierce, Jerry is right to be a little nervous. Aaron is still unpredictable "Fine!" he exclaims "If you wanna wallow in self pity for the rest of your life you do that. I'm done. Tell your Mum to move out" with that said he slams the door behind him and walks out of the hospital.
Aaron doesn't know what to do. He walks out of the hospital and paces the ground "Aaron?" he hears someone say and he turns around. It's one of Jackson's nurses "Hi" he says to her "I'm not good company right now"
She nods "I followed you out, are you ok?"
Aaron runs a hand over his shaven head "He's driving me nuts. Pushing me away. He's got his Dad in there, I hate his dad, he hates his dad"
"He's just trying to deal with things but there's a chance he may not even be paralysed"
"He likes to focus on the worse case scenario" Aaron tells her "He was in an accident a few years ago"
The nurse nods "I read his record"
"So you know he's scared of going back to that. I dealt with it then, eventually anyway but that was 12 years ago, things are much different now"
"He just needs you to be there for him, make him see your not going anywhere"
"He doesn't care, he keeps pushing. He knows how to push me away"
"You can't let him. You need to push back, show him that you're not going anywhere" the nurse tells him "he talks about you and…Casey is it?"
Aaron nods
"He talks about you two all the time, he misses you. Maybe if you brought her in, he might feel better"
"He doesn't want…" Aaron trails off, suddenly struck with an idea "thank you!" he grins at her "I think I just realised what I need to do"
"You're welcome" the nurse says laughing a little as she watches Aaron run towards the car park.
Aaron can't believe he's been so stupid for the past week. He's had the one thing that would change Jackson's mind, that would stop him moping about yet he never used it, never used her because Jackson said he didn't want her seeing him like that. That was tough as far as Aaron was concerned now. He was taking Casey out of nursery and taking her to the hospital. He wouldn't tell him to leave or threaten him with security if she was there and he would, hopefully at least, stop going on about them being without him. They needed them and he needed them.
Aaron and Casey returned to the hospital an hour later. Casey was excited about seeing her Dad for the first time in almost two weeks. She missed him "Where is he Daddy!" she exclaims jumping up and down "Soon. You have to be quiet baby" he tells her and she nods.
"This must be Casey" the nurse from earlier, Karen her name is says "Yeah" Aaron says "she's going to help me convince Jackson he's being a moron"
"I'm going to see my Daddy" Casey tells the nurse "Yeah? Well I bet he can't wait to see you"
"Is it alright if i?" Aaron asks and Karen nods "He still says he doesn't want you there but…I didn't see you" she tells him and walks off in the opposite direction. Aaron couldn't care less if Jerry is still with him or not, he pushes the door open anyway.
The room is quiet and its only Jackson that is in it. His eyes are closed and he doesn't open them not until Casey squeals "Daddy!"
His eyes shoot open and he looks towards the door, thinking he's seeing things at first but quickly realising as Aaron and Casey get closer that he is indeed not seeing things and the two of them are really there.
"She missed you" he says and before Jackson can say anything about it he places her on the bed beside him and she wraps her tiny arms around his neck.
Jackson moves him arms around her, he's still stiff and not in complete control, he closes his eyes, hugging her and doesn't notice when Aaron steps outside.
He's leaving them alone so Jackson can see that he's not useless, that he can still be a Dad to Casey no matter what might be wrong with him. After a few minutes he steps back inside "Why did you leave us alone?" Jackson demands "I could have dropped her"
Aaron disagrees "No you couldn't have. You love her. You'd never hurt her"
"I don't have full control over my body Aaron!" he snaps and Casey frowns "Why are you shouting Daddy?" she asks him and Jackson looks at her "I'm not baby" he tells her "Promise"
"Yet she's fine. We're fine. I'm fine and you're fine" Aaron steps closer to the bed "You still want nothing to do with us?"
Tears fill Jackson's big brown eyes and he looks at Casey, swallowing the lump in his throat "I never wanted that" he admits "I just don't want to burden the two of you"
"You burden us about as much as we burden you. We're team. The three of us"
Jackson looks up at Aaron, their eyes locking "What did I do to deserve you, eh?"
Aaron grins "Ask me to play pool"
"Best decision of my life that"
"It really was" Aaron tells him, bending down to kiss his lips.
A/N - LIKE IT? LOVE IT? HATE IT? LET ME KNOW!