This chapter's disclaimer might be a little hard to understand, but let's give a big round of applause to Epona anyway!
Epona: (Whinnies)
That's right, Epona! Who's a good little pony? You are! Yes, you are! …Uh…(coughs) so, the thanking! Today, I'd like to thank my five of my very good friends – Umbraven, Lightless Eyes, The All-Seeing Sharingan, BlooDy-MaY and Kaikura! Thanks for being a huge inspiration for me! To my other good friends, sorry I didn't thank you, but I'll be thanking you next chapter!
Now, if you'll all prepare yourselves for a practically pointless chapter, we can begin!
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A serenely smiling Sandaime stood in the middle of the screen. "Naruto, the hero! Finally, all of us, the six Sages, have been awakened!"
"What do you mean 'finally'?" Naruto sounded offended. "I think I did it pretty fast."
"The time for the final showdown with the King of Evil has come," The Sandaime declared, as though he had not heard Naruto. "Before that, though, you should meet with the one who is waiting for you…the one waiting at the Temple of Time…"
The screen began to fade, when suddenly Kyuubi yelled, "BUT!"
Everyone stopped, and Kyuubi rushed forward. "Even before we go to the Temple of Time, we have a few things to do!" he nodded with a small smirk. "Tell the readers what we have in store for them, twerp!"
Naruto clasped his hands together. "Before that, Kyuubi and I are going back and doing all the stuff we should've done ages ago! That way we'll be completely prepared before we face Orochimaru!"
"No regrets, in other words," Kyuubi whispered conspiratorially. Naruto nudged him.
"There won't be any reason for us to regret anything," the blonde scowled. Kyuubi chuckled awkwardly.
"Yeah, yeah," he waved a hand. "Let's just get going. Our first stop is Kakariko village, twerp. Call your horse and let's get going."
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"Our first stop on our trip," Naruto told the readers importantly, swinging open the door with a small shudder. "This place kind of creeps me out, though…"
"It shouldn't anymore, twerp," Kyuubi grinned, flying inside. "Hey, cursed people! You alright in there?"
"Hello?" The oldest man turned around, a large smile on his face. "It's you! The hero who saved us from the curse!"
Naruto blinked. "Kyuubi, I don't remember these people."
"There was a time-lapse over the time we met them," Kyuubi replied airily, "and they were spiders at the time. Why else did you think we were collecting those stupid gold Skulltulas?"
"But we didn't…" Naruto frowned, and Kyuubi slapped him lightly.
"Please, accepts these rewards for breaking our curse!" the father exclaimed, pushing items into the blonde's arms with joyful tears streaming down his face. "It's the least we could do! Thank you, thank you!"
"Uh, no problem…I mean, I can't take these," Naruto shook his head, attempting to hand the items back to the man. "Thank you…"
"Twerp!" Kyuubi hissed, hitting him in the back of the head – hard. "Ignore him. He's a hero. You know how modest these heroes can be."
"Of course!" the man said eagerly. "He wouldn't be a real hero if he hadn't done that! But please, I insist you accept my thanks, on behalf of my family!"
"See, twerp? It would be rude not to take them," Kyuubi chided. "I didn't raise you to be rude, did I?"
"No," Naruto grumbled, "but you did try to teach me to take advantage of people."
"A lesson it appears you've failed," Kyuubi snorted. "We'll be going now…people to go, places to see, and all."
They exited the Skulltula house, the kitsune glaring at Naruto on the way out. They headed to their next destination, arguing in low voices the way there.
"Shikamaru!" Naruto yelled, throwing open the door to the next house. "Are you in here? I have good news!"
The lazy genius yawned, sitting up in his bed. "What…oh, Naruto," he sighed. "So troublesome. You always wake me up so loudly."
"I have good news!" Naruto repeated. "I saved your ranch a long time ago! Hinata is free, and Kabuto isn't in charge anymore!"
"And the UGLASG was disbanded," Kyuubi added, Naruto gave him a look, and the kitsune shrugged innocently. "What?"
"Oh, good," Shikamaru swung his legs over the side of the bed. "It would've been troublesome to save the ranch myself. I should get back there, then."
"You can come with me if you want," Naruto offered. "I have a horse…well, sort of a horse…and I'm going there next anyway. I can prove it, too!" he whirled around to face Kyuubi, who was holding up a roadmap of Hyrule with a star marking Lon Lon Ranch.
"Alright," Shikamaru shrugged. "Beats walking."
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"Ah," Shikamaru looked around with a small smile, stretching his arms. "Home sweet home."
"Father?" Hinata, who was walking past carrying an empty pail, threw it aside happily. "You've c-come back!"
Shikamaru grinned lazily. "Couldn't just leave you all alone. I messed up, staying in Kakariko too long. Sorry."
Hinata blushed furiously when she saw the blonde standing beside Shikamaru with a broad grin on his face. "Hey, Hinata!" he greeted cheerfully, running forward. Hinata smiled.
"Um…thank you v-very much f-for the other d-day…" she stammered. "I haven't asked y-you your n-name yet…"
Realizing these were her lines, Naruto's smile grew wider. "My name's Naruto Uzumaki!" he said, giving her a 'good guy' pose. Kyuubi snorted in disgust behind him, and Hinata brightened.
"R-Really? N-Naruto?" her voice grew higher and she blushed crimson, beaming. "That's what I-I thought! The f-fairy b-boy from the f-forest!"
Naruto winced slightly at the 'fairy boy' remark, and Hinata quickly stopped smiling, looking worried. "Oh! I'm s-sorry!"
"No, it's okay, Hinata," Naruto gave her a strained smile. "It's just your lines, after all…"
Hinata nodded, turning an even darker shade of red. "W-Well…d-do you remember m-me?"
Naruto nodded, and Hinata perked up. "Really? You d-do? I was sure it was you b-because Epona remembered y-you…oh! I n-need to t-tell you about Mr. Ingo," she said suddenly, twiddling her fingers. Kyuubi hissed.
"That bastard…" he muttered under his breath. Luckily, Hinata didn't hear him.
"H-He was really afraid that the Evil K-King would find out Epona had b-been taken away…he was v-very upset," she told Naruto. "B-But one day, all of a s-sudden, he was a normal, n-nice person! N-Now that Dad is back, p-peace is finally returning to this ranch…" she turned a deep, deep scarlet. "Thank y-you so much, N-Naruto!"
"It was no problem, Hinata," Naruto said sincerely, smiling at her. Hinata, if it was possible, blushed even more, until she was an impossible shade of red that doesn't normally exist in nature. Naruto smiled sweetly at her, before turning around to Kyuubi.
"Alright!" he grinned. "Where to next?"
Kyuubi held out the map, a red line now connecting Kakariko village and Lon Lon Ranch. "Next stop is Kokiri Forest," he noted. "Do we have to go? It's not like you have any friends there, anyway, and I'd rather not play servant to the Deku Sprout again."
"We have to go," Naruto said plaintively. "It wouldn't be fair not to."
Kyuubi groaned. "Damn you and your heroic sense of duty," he scowled. "When did you get that, anyway? I thought I was the one who made you do these things."
"It's a work ethic," stated matter-of-factly. "I got it off Ebay."
"Damn it, what can't you buy on that damn site…?" Kyuubi cursed.
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In the middle of the clearing was a grand, dead old tree, leafless and grey. But just in front of the dead tree, a ray of light shone down on a plump little sprout that was cursing profusely.
"Looks like she's in a bad mood. Let's go," Kyuubi began to fly back down the path, but was blocked when he smacked into Naruto's hand. The blonde closed his fist around the fairy.
"We should at least say hello," he chastised. "She's the tree that raised me, Kyuubi. It would be rude not to."
"Tossing my own lines back at me," Kyuubi muttered, voice muffled. "I hate him."
Naruto approached the Deku Tree Sprout. "Uh, Old Lady Tsunade? Hi," he greeted tentatively.
"Kid, is Kyuubi with you?" Tsunade asked immediately. Naruto looked slightly offended, and Tsunade hastily added, "It's nice to see you, kid, but I need Kyuubi for a sec."
Kyuubi sighed resignedly and pried open Naruto's fingers. "I'm right here," he said dully.
"Good! Fetch me some sake and pour it over my roots, will you?" she sounded relieved. "I've been dying…"
Naruto gasped. The Sprout was still. "I'm rolling my eyes. Not literally, kid."
Kyuubi flitted away, across the entire clearing. Conspiratorially, Tsunade whispered. "The real source of my power. If the bad guys found my stash, then it would really be over for the forest."
Kyuubi came back, lugging a large bottle with clear liquid sloshing around inside. The kitsune offered one end to Naruto, who uncorked it for him. Kyuubi then began to pour the contents around the base of the Sprout, making Tsunade sigh blissfully.
"That's the stuff," she breathed. "Much better. So what are you two actually doing here, anyway?"
"There are portals in the Lost Woods we can use," Naruto explained. "First we're heading to Goron City to check up on things there, before we go see Zora's Domain."
"I heard it had frozen over," Tsunade said, sounding slightly surprised. "You two fix that?" There was a slight slur to her words.
"Ages ago," Kyuubi sneered. "Get with the times."
"Well, I don't get around much like this," Tsunade snapped. "No one tells me anything, either."
"Well, we just stopped by here to say hello," Naruto said hastily, before things could escalate. He didn't particularly want to deal with an angry fairy and a Deku Sprout. "We'll see you later, Old Lady Tsunade!"
"Whatever," Tsunade mumbled, and soon soft snoring was heard from the Sprout. Kyuubi flew out from the clearing, leaving his charge to trail behind in his wake.
"Lost Woods, now," Kyuubi said when the panting blonde finally caught up. "We don't want to be falling behind on time, do we? No, we don't," he answered his own question, seeing that Naruto was exhausted. "Come on, then, don't lag behind!"
Naruto collapsed.
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Naruto ignored Kyuubi's sniggering. "Okay…according to our map, I should turn left at the first turn," he said, holding it out critically. Kyuubi began laughing again.
"I can't believe you collapsed! What are you, a girl?" he clutched his stomach, which was aching slightly from holding back his giggles. Naruto scowled.
"Shut up! It's all your fault, anyway! You shouldn't have flown so fast!" he shouted defensively, crossing his arms and turning a light shade of pink.
"You're kidding, right? Stay another moment longer around that slave driver? I had to be at her beck and call for twelve years, twerp," he snorted. "Hell if you expect me to do that again."
"You still didn't have to go so fast, dattebayo," Naruto pouted.
"You'll get over it," Kyuubi replied shortly, still giggling slightly. "And I think you made a wrong turn."
Naruto looked up, confused, before drawing his sword in surprise. A strange Skullkid was approaching him, shooting poison darts at him through a short grass-woven tube. Promptly, Naruto began slashing at him, sticking him in the chest. The Skullkid squealed and fell limp, impaled, before fading away and leaving a rupee the same height as Naruto behind. Kyuubi's eyes lit up.
"Nice one, twerp!" Kyuubi said, seeing little dollar signs. "Pick it up, you idiot! That thing will last us for life!"
Miraculously, the rupee fit in Naruto's wallet. Naruto and Kyuubi were exchanging smug looks when suddenly the security team rushed out on screen. Raidou paled visibly and the toothpick fell from Genma's mouth.
"Do you two realize what – or who – you just killed?" Raidou shrieked. Genma just stared at the two, speechless and his mouth hanging open.
"What?" Naruto asked self-consciously. "Did I do something I wasn't supposed to?"
"Twerp, stay quiet," Kyuubi muttered, before saying in a louder voice, "I demand my lawyer before we answer any further questions."
"No…no, it's okay…we'll talk to the director…yeah," Raidou looked at his partner, who continued to stare at Naruto and Kyuubi. "We'll let the director sort this one out."
Genma finally managed to stammer, "The current director won't be in charge of the next one…we need to talk to the director's replacement. Yeah."
"Alright," Raidou gulped. "Uh, don't worry about it, guys." With that, they walked off screen, Genma muttered incomprehensibly in a panic. Naruto blinked.
"Kyuubi, what did I do?" the blonde questioned. Kyuubi shook his head.
"It can't have been too bad, whatever it was," Kyuubi shrugged. "It was just some random Skullkid, after all."
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"To do the recap the quick way, I figured I'd just show you all our roadmap," Kyuubi explained, holding up the map in front of the screen. "See; here's where we started, at Kakariko. Well, technically we started at the desert…but the first dot is at Kakariko. Then we went to Lon Lon Ranch, then over this way to Kokiri Forest. Then we were in the Lost Woods, and we took this portal over to Goron City. Then we went back through the portal and talked to Mido, then we went to Zora's Domain…which is where we are now…"
"And this is a complete rip-off!" Naruto declared. "It's still frozen! Haku said it would thaw, didn't he?"
"Yes, but obviously Sheik is a vicious liar," Kyuubi said soothingly. "Since there's no point in us being here, can we leave? We're done, aren't we?"
"No," Naruto sighed. "There's still one thing left to do…"
Kyuubi's expression darkened. "No way, twerp! You're my responsibility, and I'm not letting you go near that perverted freak again!"
"But I have to, Kyuubi," Naruto sighed, looking nervous but mostly resigned. "The author put herself through the Poe-catching side quest just for the sake of this story…and due to the miracle of a plot-device, she's made it so that only have to catch the last one."
Kyuubi looked shocked. "She did something…nice? For us?" he narrowed his eyes. "That's suspicious. It hardly qualifies as a reason to go back to that perverted Ghost seller."
"I'm doing it, Kyuubi." Naruto jut out his jaw stubbornly.
"You are not!" Kyuubi protested. "Damn it, twerp, we're doing things the way I say we do them! Got it?"
"Oh, really…?" a stagehand swaggered on screen, holding a sheet of paper. "From the director," he said, handing Kyuubi the paper. The kitsune shot him a look before scanning it quickly. He groaned and flung them paper at the ground.
"You people can't threaten to take away my cappuccino maker! This is blackmail!" Kyuubi ground his teeth together angrily.
"The director told me to say, and I quote, 'I prefer the term extortion.' End quote."
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"Did you hear that?" Naruto whispered. "It sounded like a Poe."
"No, twerp," Kyuubi said pityingly. "That was you hearing things again."
Naruto's eyes were wide and bloodshot. "I keep hearing them," he muttered. "I hear them appear…and then they laugh at me…"
"We'll get you to a therapist later, twerp, I promise," Kyuubi soothed. "In the meantime we have to find and kill the last Poe. Director's orders."
"I have searched everywhere," Naruto chuckled slightly, alarming the kitsune even more. "I think we're circling Hyrule for the fourteenth time."
"Fourt -"
"I'm counting every time we pass that tree," Naruto pointed at a tall, leafy green tree. "I only started keeping track about half an hour into the search."
Kyuubi looked extremely concerned. "There has to be someone we can ask about this, or something."
"There's no one here, Kyuubi," Naruto cackled, voiced raising considerably. Kyuubi wisely backed away slowly. "There is no one around anywhere in Hyrule Field. We've been left here to rot and die, which sucks because as of now, I hate dead people! Dead people become ghosts, and ghosts hide from me and taunt me and…and…" he began to hyperventilate. Kyuubi slapped him across the face.
"Pull yourself together, twerp!" Kyuubi shook him by the collar slightly. "You're making yourself crazy! Just calm down…"
Naruto didn't answer. His eyes were the size of dinner plates and he raised a shaking finger. "Kyuubi…please tell me you see that."
"See wh…" Kyuubi trailed off, jaw dropping. "Is what you're seeing a Big Poe floating away from you and circling around kind of pointlessly?"
Naruto nodded numbly. Kyuubi gulped. "Then I see it, twerp."
They exchanged glances and, in unison, began screeching curses, Naruto pressing down on Gamabunta's sides sharply, tearing after it. The blonde let a full quiver of arrows fly at the ghost. By some miracle, two of the arrows struck, taking the Big Poe down. The lantern in it's hands dropped and shattered, leaving behind a pale green flame floating just below where it had been moments ago. Broken arrows were strewn across the grass, and Naruto hopped off Gamabunta, careful not to step on any.
"Fire really is a beautiful thing," Kyuubi said reverently as Naruto bottled the ghost's flame-like soul.
The sky flashed red, then green. "Oh, don't look so smug," Farore snapped. "He said just said fire, and he was caught up in the moment."
Din let out a gleeful squeal.
"We're right outside the castle," Naruto breathed in relief. "Watch for ReDeads, okay, Kyuubi?"
"Why bother? We're practically going to see one now," he said snappishly. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"At least we only needed one," Naruto reminded him. "We have this letter from the director giving us a reprieve, remember? It's not so bad. It's the last time we ever have to see him again."
Kyuubi looked at, disbelieving. "This coming from the twerp who cried when he had to see Windmill Gai again."
Naruto shrugged. "I guess, since we're getting so close to the end, I just want to get it over with. Once it's over, we can go home…and you get your nine-million dollar contract, right?"
"Stop stalling," Kyuubi began dragging Naruto across the collapsed drawbridge and into Hyrule Market. Looking furtive, he and Naruto darted inside.
Ebisu, in his dark purple cloak and banging a Deku stick pointlessly against the cold, bare floor, looked up at the intruders. "Oh, hello…" he chuckled oddly. "Do you…have anything for me?"
Naruto shuddered slightly and Kyuubi growled. The blonde thrust the bottle into Ebisu's hands. "I caught this Poe," he said quickly. "You buy them, right?"
Ebisu's one eye widened. "I see…this is a Big Poe…I'll be happy to take this off your hands!" he said gleefully. "You can have fifty rupees for it."
The exchange was made quickly, and Ebisu took out a small scorecard. "I'll also add one hundred points to your card," he told Naruto. "If you reach one thousand points…I'll make you a very happy man…"
"That's it!" Kyuubi yelled, yanking Naruto back by his hat. "Five feet away from him, at all times! You got that, you mutilated freak?"
"Kyuubi…" Naruto looked uncomfortable, but if anything, glad that his guardian fairy had imposed this rule. Ebisu, on the other hand, looked displeased.
"We were in the middle of a business transaction," he said.
"Yeah, and if you had your way, it'd be a different kind of trans-action," Kyuubi snarled. Ebisu chuckled darkly.
"Looks as if I'm not the only mind reader around here," he mused.
"Look, freak, just read this," Kyuubi said rudely, throwing the letter from the director at Ebisu. "It's from the big boss, so you'll do it what it says."
Ebisu unfolded the letter, briefly running his eye down the paper. He grimaced. "I see…well, then, I have no choice…" he began to reach inside his cloak.
Kyuubi covered Naruto's eyes automatically. Ebisu pulled out a shiny glass bottle.
"Here you are," he said. "As I promised…"
Naruto peeked through Kyuubi's fingers. "That's it?" he snorted. "Just a bottle?"
"I'd be glad to…give you something more," Ebisu said slyly. Kyuubi swiped the bottle out of his hands and began pulling Naruto towards the door. The blonde didn't resist.
"Later, you sick freak," Kyuubi waved. "Next time I see you, it'd better be in court."
The door slammed shut. Ebisu sighed. "I'm so misunderstood…"
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"Excuse us…coming through…" Naruto grinned apologetically as he stepped on someone's foot. "Sorry…"
"Let me try it my way, twerp," Kyuubi said. "HEY! MOVE YOUR ASSES, PEOPLE, STAR OF THE PARODY COMING THROUGH! COME ON, UP, UP, UP!"
Most of the people sitting in the row stood up, squishing back against the seats. A few just moved their legs up and out of the way. Kyuubi grinned smugly. "Knew that it would work. Next time, though, we should demand VIP seating."
Naruto took his seat in the audience and Kyuubi sat in the seat next to his, taking up virtually no space. He snapped his fingers, and instantly two stagehands were loading up the chair with gummy bears, popcorn bags, and a jumbo soda. "Thank you, girls," Kyuubi flashed them a grin. "Will I be seeing you after the show?"
The stagehands giggled and went off to find their seats. The lights dimmed, cuing the audience to applaud.
The three Masters of Ceremonies for the night stepped out on stage, resplendent in their own colours…and bodies. "Welcome, cast, crew, and readers!" Farore greeted, waving slightly.
"Thank you all so much for being here," Nayru said shyly, holding her microphone up close to her mouth so it could capture her small voice. "Congratulations to all for making it all the way to chapter thirty-seven."
"A special treat has been prepared for you all!" Din said exuberantly. "It's our way of celebrating the fact that we don't have to watch Naruto screw up those Temples anymore!"
There were a few chuckles, and Naruto blushed. "I didn't do too bad," he called, making the audience laugh.
Din giggled, and Farore grinned. "Before we start, though, we're first going to have a quick word from the head honcho…"
"You all know who we're talking about," Din said, almost slyly. "Everyone, give a big round of applause…"
"To our beloved director!" Nayru began to clap along with the audience, and the Goddesses considerately moved to the side of the screen. Looking rather embarrassed, a stagehand walked out on screen.
"Uh, hi," she said nervously. "The director said, and I quote, 'I didn't feel like coming out do to this myself, so I sent this peon to do it for me. I just want to say thanks to the cast, for doing a…somewhat satisfactory job, even though you aren't getting paid. Also thanks to the readers, for sticking with us this long. I'm not going to bother thanking the stagehands, because you're all lowly subjects and doing so is beneath me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the future chapters and whatever this tribute thing is supposed to be, and screw you all for not letting me direct the sequel.' End quote."
In the audience, every member of the cast blinked. "Sequel…?"
"Um, thank you, random stagehand!" Din coughed nervously, ushering her off screen. "And now, without further adieu…"
"Ocarina of Konoha productions presents…" Farore announced.
"OoK: A Video Memoir," Nayru finished, and she and the other two Goddesses sat down in the audience to watch. Some tribute-esque music began to play, but rather than specify what song it was, it was left up to the readers' interpretation.
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'The Early Years…'The screen showed Kyuubi, flitting around the sleeping Naruto's head, throwing Deku nuts at him in a futile attempt to rouse him from his sleep…
…Naruto, holding up the Kokiri Sword looking at it derisively, while Raidou held Genma back off to the side of the screen…
…Kankuro, as Mido, blocking Naruto's path and staring at Kyuubi as he and the postman screamed at each other…
…Naruto entering Tsunade, the Deku Tree's, open mouth, looking disgusted as he did so…
…Kyuubi pushing Naruto over the edge of a platform, sending him plummeting down to the very bottom of the Great Deku Tree, missing the web-covered hole in the ground he had been aiming for…
…Naruto screaming in terror as Kidoumaru, as Gohma, dropped several ugly arachnid babies down from the ceiling in the Boss's chamber…
…Naruto jumping into the moat of Hyrule castle to escape the slowly advancing Stalchildren…
…The Shodaime scowling at the Nidaime as he pointed and laughed at him in Hyrule market…
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"Oh, that's right," someone muttered. "They were in this parody…"
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…Naruto running up to the blushing Hinata in Hyrule market, grinning broadly…
…Kyuubi sobbing openly in the middle of Hyrule market, banging his fists against the ground as Naruto shooed the many onlookers away…
…Rock Lee, as Kaepora Gaebora, advising Naruto outside the castle gates as the blonde gazed into space, while Kyuubi snickered and waved a hand in front of his face…
…Naruto holding up a crowing chicken, grudgingly waking up Shikamaru, as Talon…
…Kyuubi pretending to break into tears to distract the guards, the sky flashing colours rapidly as the guards stared, bewildered, not noticing Naruto sneak past behind them, face streaked with war paint…
…A bright red, furiously blushing Sasuke, staring at Naruto angrily as the blonde held his stomach, gasping with laughter and wiping tears from his eyes…
…Sasuke throwing down a pile of leaves, yelling angrily at Kakashi, as Impa, for being late for his appearance…
…Naruto gasping for breath as he was trampled by Gamabunta, nearly losing his Ocarina while Kyuubi snickered, Hinata visibly panicking in the background…
…A chicken pecking at Naruto's hands as he struggled to get it into the pen, Kyuubi staring hungrily at it while Yashamaru, as Anju, glared at the kitsune warningly…
…Naruto bolting, screaming in abject terror as Gai merrily cranked his instrument, humming the Song of Storms…
…Jiraiya, as Darunia, dancing like a lunatic as Naruto played his Ocarina, Kyuubi looking very much like he wanted to gouge his eyes out with his spoon…
…Naruto, tossing a bomb into Jiroubou, Kind Dodongo's, open mouth, watching him swallow it greedily before it exploded in his stomach…
…Naruto trekking up Death Mountain, as Sasuke, off screen, was throwing a bitch-fit while being restrained by a weary Genma and Raidou…
…The two scarecrows, Hayate and Aoba, staring dully at the screen, Hayate coughing into his fist…
…Chouji, as King Zora, slowly moving out of the way for Naruto to get through to Zora's Fountain…
…Still Chouji moving out of the way…
…Chouji, still…
…Kyuubi, thrashing around on the ground and screaming something about Asuma in front of the Great Fairy fountain…
…An impatient Manda, rolling his eyes and swallowing Naruto and Kyuubi with a look of disgust on his face…
…Ino, as Princess Zora, stowing something…somewhere…before picking up the Spiritual Stone of Water…
…Naruto, blinking quizzically at Shino, who sat in the middle of the floor, watching a green bug crawl over the back of his hand into his palm…
…Ino, hopping up and down slightly in delight and handing Naruto Zora's Sapphire, while talking a mile a minute about marrying 'Princess Zelda'…
…Orochimaru waiting for Katsuyu, with Sasuke and Impa on her back, to fade out of sight, looking extremely bored…
…The stagehands, nervously heading into court for their first lawsuit, lead by an attorney…
…Followed by pictures of the stagehands weeping with joy and relief, while representatives of Nintendo and Naruto walk out, scowling angrily…
…The original Zelda: Ocarina of Time cast, lounging in the food court, Nabooru tucking sugar packets into her purse while Zelda and Sasuke are shouting at each other, looking dishevelled…
…An impromptu meeting of the UOLASG off screen, Kyuubi giving the screen a thumbs-up while the other members applaud and wave in the background…
…The three Spiritual Stones – the Konoha, Sand, and Sound symbols – being placed on the altar…
…Naruto drawing the Master Sword out of it's pedestal, a blue light engulfing the screen…
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The music changed, and a few audience members smiled fondly. Both Sakura and Ino sniffled slightly, reaching for tissues.
"This is so touching," Ino said, dabbing her eyes.
"I know," Sakura agreed, doing the same. Suddenly both girls froze and looked at each other.
"Stop agreeing with me," Ino snapped.
"Who would agree with you, Ino-pig?" Sakura sneered. The two began to bicker their way through the rest of the video.
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'The Adult Years…'The screen showed Kyuubi, pointing in horror at the older Naruto as he declared how similar he looked to the Yondaime…
…Kyuubi holding up his spork reverently, Naruto staring up at it in awe…
…Haku, as Sheik, sneaking up behind Naruto, jumping back, startled, when Naruto drew his sword…
…Naruto, running as fast as he could after Ibiki, as Dampé, who threw fistfuls of flames back at him…
…A greasy-looking Kabuto, as Ingo, clutching frantically at the green hat wrapped around his face, as Naruto, riding Gamabunta, galloped over the finish line…
…Haku again, playing the Minuet of Forest on his harp while Naruto struggled to play along…
…The three Poe sisters, Anko, Shizune, and Kurenai, giving Kyuubi worried looks as he sobs and pounds his head against a wall…
…Iruka, as the final Poe sister, looking relieved as he spoke to a stagehand, Naruto beaming and Kyuubi waving two tiny red pom-poms around…
…Kimimaro, as Phantom Ganon, clutching his groin painfully as Kyuubi cheered, Naruto drawing back his leg in satisfaction…
…Tsunade, resurrected as the Deku Sprout, informing Naruto that he had been lied to his entire life…
…Konohamaru, as Link of the Gorons, eagerly asking for Naruto's autograph, while the blonde muttered something smugly to Kyuubi…
…Haku, playing the Bolero of Fire while the screen showed some crazy angles of inside Death Mountain…
…Naruto and Kyuubi, spontaneously breaking out into an elaborate dance number, backed up by the Goron chorus and some flaming Keese…
…Naruto and the Goron, Watts, looking around with exaggerated gestures for Kyuubi…
…Kyuubi, lounging in his new trailer sipping a cappuccino, lifting his glass smugly in a toast…
…Gaara, using his sand to create a giant replica of Volvagia, while a rapidly paling Naruto watched…
…Zabuza, as the guy who hates everything, looking around for people as he hands Koharu, the potions hag, a few suspicious looking mushrooms…
…Moegi, the creepy Kokiri girl, toying with the Carpenter's saw with a small, dangerous smile while Naruto scrambles to get away…
…Homura, the scientist at Lake Hylia, covertly slipping something into Biggoron's eye drops before he hands them back to Naruto…
…Deidara smugly admitting to kidnapping Kyuubi, moments before the kitsune flew back on screen and ushered the forlorn Akatsuki member off screen…
…Naruto rambling about the Biggoron sword, drooling on it slightly while Kyuubi and Hiashi, as Biggoron, exchanged awkward looks…
…Itachi, as Dark Link, looking indignant and stamping his foot slightly, throwing a bitch-fit while Genma, Raidou, and Iruka watched, terrified…
…Naruto, struggling against a whirlpool, as Kyuubi threw himself frantically against the side of the bottle he was in, shattering the glass…
…Kisame, as Morpha, wrapping a watery tentacle around Naruto before flinging him into a wall, while Kyuubi fervently flips through 'By the Goddesses! An Introduction to Triforcism'…
…Several non-playable characters bursting into flame, while Haku gazes down the well looking petrified…
…The well draining slowly, while a green and blonde blur goes running out of the windmill at top speed, screaming like a girl…
…Mary Sue smiling prettily at Naruto, while Kyuubi is blushing and turning away…
…In slow motion, Mary Sue being gored by the Dead Hand, blood splattering everywhere as she screeches in pain…
…A replay of Mary Sue's death, this time accompanied by a laugh track…
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Kyuubi frowned, putting his popcorn aside. "This is disgusting…"
Naruto's eyes watered. "How could they show this…?"
Kyuubi looked upset. "Honestly, if I didn't know better, I would've sworn people enjoyed this or something…"
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…Tsunade, obviously drunk, giving Naruto the vaccine to OOC Virus as he squeals in pain, bawling his eyes out and wailing…
…Kyuubi, clinging to the mast of the ship in the Shadow Temple, looking brave as the ship sinks into oblivion while Naruto watches in teary-eyed horror…
…Tayuya, appearing suddenly and stabbing Naruto in the back with a wide smirk, while his eyes widen in shock, Kyuubi watching him fall in complete disbelief…
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"Your finest moments," Kyuubi snickered. Naruto tapped him on the head lightly, nearly flattening him.
"Shut up," he pouted.
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…Kiba, the head Carpenter, pleading with Naruto and Kyuubi to save his carpenter dogs…
…Kyuubi body checking a Tenten clone, slamming her into a wall as Pakkun, the carpenter dog, cheered from inside his cell…
…Kyuubi body checking another replica, this time with Akamaru yapping his approval…
…Neji, the Desert Poe, not-so-subtly trying to ditch Naruto in the sandstorm considerately being created by Gaara…
…The entire crew of stagehands, furiously building the Spirit Temple…
…A few more lawsuits, the stagehands gaining confidence with each one…
…The Nabooru Fan Club ambushing an awkward-looking Temari, while Naruto and Kyuubi huddle in a corner, sending frightened glances at the female sand ninja…
…Sai, being Naruto's substitute, clashing blades against both the Iron Knuckle and an irate Kyuubi…
…Kyuubi, looking disgusted with himself, tossing his bongos and diary over his shoulder…
…Later on, Kyuubi slyly tucking his diary away into god-knows-where, leaving the bongos where they were…
…A shocked Kyuubi – in Naruto's body – and Naruto – in Kyuubi's body – staring at each other in both wonder in horror, realizing they'd switched bodies…
…The NFC beating Sakon and Ukon, as Twinrova, into a bloody pulp, as Fairy-Naruto watches with interest, hovering over a passed out Human-Kyuubi…
…A quick montage of getting the Medallions, with the Sandaime as Rauru, Sakura as Saria, Jiraiya as Darunia, Ino as Ruto, Kakashi as Impa, and Temari as Nabooru, each of them doing a quick pose…
…And the final slide, of Naruto and Kyuubi grinning widely at the screen, Kyuubi flipping through one of his parenting books as Naruto gives the screen a 'good guy' pose.
'The End'.
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The audience was silent for a moment, before applause – accompanied by many heartfelt sobs – rang in everyone's ears. Kyuubi sniffled. "That video tribute was just…so beautifully put together," he blew his nose loudly, dabbing his eyes and applauding, reaching for a tissue.
"You really think so? I was the one that made it," Din said, obviously delighted but trying to sound modest. "I can't believe it moved you to tears, Kyuu!"
There was a pause, as both Kyuubi and the Goddesses froze. Naruto looked between them curiously, reaching for some of Kyuubi's popcorn. Then, shattering the quiet, Din let out a long, gleeful squeal.
"I won! I won!" she chanted, happily. Kyuubi heaved a great sigh, openly relieved as he got down on his knees, praying.
"Thank you," he whispered blissfully. "Oh, thank the Goddesses it's over."
"That's completely unfair!" Farore attempted to protest. "It was a stupid montage of video footage!"
"It's not against the rules," Din pointed out, squealing girlishly. "I won! I actually won!"
"I can't believe I lost," Farore was all-out whining. "I just can't catch a break!"
A dull thud and a pained shriek were heard. "You can't even throw a brick at a Goddess! The logistics of it are impossible!" Farore shrieked indignantly.
"We have bodies at the moment," Nayru pointed out.
"Still…" Farore wailed.
"Well, thank you all for sitting through that and for coming out this chapter," Din said, not bothering to hide the triumph in her voice. "Mostly, we wanted to remind everyone of some great moments of this parody…and remind everyone who played who. It was kind of hard to keep track."
Farore let out a distressed moan. Nayru quickly grabbed her cue cards, reading off them. "Again, thank you all. We're thrilled you stuck around with us this long."
"We'll see you all next chapter!" Din waved, and the curtains fell over the screen. The lights began to go back up, and everyone got to their feet, commenting on the video and chatting about the last few chapters. In the audience, still seated, was Naruto, frowning thoughtfully.
"…But some of the stuff that they showed never happened," he knitted his brow. "That didn't make sense…"
He sat there, lost ion thought for a little while. "Hey, Kyuubi," he began, turning to the seat next to him, but it was empty. He blinked and looked around. The entire room was empty.
"Hey!" Naruto yelled, springing to his feet. "Wait a minute! Damn it…" he cursed, running out of the room. "Kyuubi! Wait for me, dattebayo…!"
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Phew…my longest chapter yet! It seems like it's mostly a waste of space, though. Sorry if it wasn't all that entertaining…there weren't many jokes in this one, either, but I wanted to add the video tribute. It had been swirling around in my head, and it needed out or my brain would've imploded.
So, next chapter we have the last appearance of Haku/Sheik, the reappearance of Sasuke/Zelda, and the new appearance of the Light arrows! Thanks to all who contributed to Kyuubi's Tissue Fund, and thank you all – that's right, all of you – for reading my story this far. You guys really made me feel like I've accomplished something…and you gave me something to do over the summer.
THANK YOU ALL! …Wow, it's not even the end yet, and I'm already sappy…