There! An update!

Chapter 1
Terrifying Tragedy

Your words suffocate me…
December, 23rd, 2010
they're my own veins.

I went into Sam's house and shockingly, she was sweet and she was dressing unlikely. Did she change? Her always used to be brown hair that was always neat was messy and her face was crumpled and scrunched up, her lips chapped, she looked like me, and I asked her for the reason for her appearance and she told me that her daughter died. Allie was dead. Alanna. I missed her even if I didn't know anything about her. We spent two hours just talking about her, and then about me, about how I suddenly showed up, she thought that she was seeing ghosts and I explained it all in the most explicit manner I could've and she told me where Randy was.

Randy doesn't even know that his daughter's dead.

My stomach sloshes as I go towards the train. He's not far away from St. Louis, according to the information Sam's given me, and that night, I'm looking for the hotel. I'm hungry and I'm tired and I feel like I'm never going to see his face. He feels like a dream. He's so far away from me. Even when I vividly remember those memories of me and him, it's like they're just fantasies.

I hear a sound from behind me.

I twist my head and stare into those beautiful blue eyes. I'm standing in front of the hotel and I'm met by that blue eyed angel of mine and I know that he's real. The softness of his still lush lips, the shock in those blue orbs of his, the stretched smile that battles on his face and I feel like he hasn't smiled in a while and in a moment, he just looks down and takes Cody by his arm, dragging past me.

"Randy, wait!"

"God, you sound so real…" Randy think he's imagining me. I can see it from his eyes. I can see his pain.

"I can see him, too." Cody says, confused.

"I'm real," I let the words squeak out, walking towards them and I touch Randy's cheek and his eyes widen before I go into an explanation. "I'm real, Randy. I swear I am. When I was in the morgue, they electrified me, restarted my heart, Randy…I'm real."

"My Ted," Randy's voice strains as his arms wrap around my body and his embrace is warming and he steps back as I hug Cody, feeling the warmth of my little sibling as he and Randy share a look I couldn't understand. "Teddy, you changed. What's that thing on your wrist?"

"I'm like a vampire," I try to explain. "I need blood every four months and this tells me if I'm fine, Randy."

Randy nods his head. "Ted, are you okay?" and I know he notices that look on my face. He always knows if I'm fine or not and he knows if my eyes are pained and puffy and red, he just knows me and I suddenly feel the warmth of my body burn inside of me.

"No, I'm not," I can hear my voice shaking. "Randy, I'm alive. I'm alive and I'm dead. Why can't anyone just leave me alone—?"

Randy's eyes suffer, go through a trance of pain and horror, terrifying and agonizing and horrifying, as he takes my wrist and his breath's on my face. "Teddy, don't you dare talk like that. I'm sorry, Ted but-but-I don't want to hear about this. I don't want to see you get hurt again. We've got a chance to make this right, Teddy and I want to make this right…"

That night, he pulls me and Cody and him into one bed, Cody's thinner than the rest of us so he can fit in the middle easily and me and him giggle and talk about the latest senseless gossip of the locker room while Randy's snores cover the room, it's just like old times, the old times that I've missed so much and in the middle of it all, Cody looks down at his hands and tears are threatening to leak out of his eyes. I suddenly feel my heart sink in my chest. I hate seeing Cody sad. I always have. "Cody?"

"I have to tell you, Teddy," his voice strains. "Just before you came back, me and Randy thought you were gone for good and we-we just kissed a few times and—I'm sorry, Teddybear!" his face is paling and his body's shaking.

"Cody," I brush my hand against his face. "I don't know how to say this. I don't feel my feelings well enough anymore. I can't love anyone. Randy is all yours."

Cody and Randy. Candy. They deserve each other. Me and Randy. It's all history. I'm emotionless, only able to feel the pain of the world, but nothing beyond that. Nothing as well as happiness or love or tranquility. None of that. Cody just stares at me and I roll to my side but I feel his hand on me. "Teddybear, I can't have Randy. Randy still loves you."

"But I can't love him. Like we've learned, over and over again, it's just not meant to be. It's all over now."

Next 9 chapters are fluff/angst/sexual tension. Enjoy. XD.

X Sam.