Warning: The following contains content that may be viewed as offensive or difficult to read for some. I do not own The Outsiders. Characters used from the book are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton. A big shout out to HappierThanMost for "Concrete Oasis", and letting me borrow a tidbit from it. As always, thank you to all that read, review, and follow.
37
The two of them were still in my bed come afternoon. I tried to coax Sodapop away from Ponyboy with a bite to eat, but he wouldn't budge. Sodapop lay curled around his little brother; spooning him from behind, with his arms wrapped tightly around him. Ponyboy was out cold, his colour still sickly, but he looked comfortable with his brother wrapped around him.
I went into the boys' room and searched through their dresser to grab something to dress Ponyboy in that wouldn't create a fuss. Some clean underwear, clean t-shirt, a pair of Soda's hand-me-down sweat pants, and Ponyboy's favourite blue hoodie; also a hand-me-down from his favourite brother. I took them with me as I headed back for my bedroom when I heard the front door slam.
"Hey, yo! Sodapop!" Steve's voice boomed through the house, and I cringed as I detoured to the front door, making my way over to him with Pony's clothes still in my hands.
"Hey, yo yourself. Keep it down." I snapped at Steve, and cocked an eyebrow at him when he rolled his eyes at me.
"What's your problem now? Where's Mr. Universe?"
"He's busy. What is it?" I didn't have a lot of energy to deal with Steve and his cocky attitude, but thankfully Steve picked up on it.
"What's goin' on, Darry? You guys okay?"
"Yeah, rough night." I answered quickly, not wanting to go over it with the one person who had no idea what my youngest brother had been through. Steve eyed the change of clothes in my hands.
"Is it the kid? He alright?" Steve's voice was oddly concerned, even though his history with Ponyboy wasn't always a good one.
"Yeah, we got it covered." I kept it short. "Go turn the tv on. I'll get Sodapop." I turned around and headed back to my bedroom.
I closed the door behind me as I made it to my room. My brothers hadn't moved, but Sodapop was awake, his eyes dull, carrying a blank expression to them. I held up the bundle of clothing for Ponyboy while I frowned at the absolute look of depression on Soda's face. I made my way to the bed, and slowly sat down, placing the clothes beside me.
"Steve's here for you." I spoke quietly, hoping not to disturb Ponyboy.
"Yeah, I heard." Soda nodded disinterested.
"You two have plans?" I tried to get Soda to talk, but with Soda, things just needed to happen in their own time; and that was his time.
"Nothin' important." Soda mumbled, and then hid his face in the back of Pony's head and hugged him tighter.
I sighed. I knew how hard it was going to be helping Ponyboy through everything, but it was easy to forget what this nightmare was doing to Sodapop. I knew he loved Ponyboy as much as Ponyboy loved him, and it must've been devastating to have Pony lash out and push him away like he did earlier that morning. I could see the effects starting to weigh on him. Sodapop was never the type to just lay around. He was always wired and ready to jump from one good time to the next; never asking questions, and never looking back. He suddenly looked so defeated to me, like he was ready to give up.
"You know you will have to get up at some point. You can't just stay here and hide."
"I ain't hiding. I just don't wanna leave him alone. What if he wakes up and we're not here?" Soda's eyes welled with tears, and I smiled sadly at him.
"He's home, Soda. He's gonna wake up in my bedroom and know that he's home. He's gonna wake up knowing that you and me are here, and he'll know that you and me are gonna blind the next son of a bitch that even looks at him the wrong way."
"We weren't there for him, Darry. He had to fight that fuckin' creep off all by his lonesome. He didn't have a chance and he thinks I hate him for it. He thinks I'm ashamed of him and don't wanna be near him; that I don't even wanna be his brother. I knew something was off, Darry. I knew it, but I didn't push him. I knew he was lying to me when he said he was okay, but I just let it go 'cause I didn't wanna upset him." Soda cried, burying his face back into Ponyboy's hair.
"Awe, Soda." I reached over and shoved my hand in his hair, running my fingers through it gently.
"How could he think I wouldn't love him anymore?" Soda sobbed.
"I don't know, little buddy. He's gone through hell and back and I have a sick feeling we don't even know the half of it. He's remembering everything and he's scared and he ain't thinkin' straight. Ponyboy's ashamed and he's thinking what happened to him is his fault." The thought was driving me crazy with heartache.
"I wanna know what all he did to Pony." Soda peered at me from behind Ponyboy's clean and unkempt hair, but I just looked at him and shook my head.
"Why? It doesn't change anything. What's done is done and there's nothing we can do. It's too late to change what happened. The only thing to do is…"
"Kill that motherfucker, Darry! That's what we gotta do!" Soda raged. I smiled softly at him.
"I was gonna say, be here for Ponyboy, but I can't exactly say that I'm against your plan."
"If Dally were here it woulda been done already." Soda shot at me, and I tried not to take it personally. I knew that he was hurting bad; a monster broke into our lives and did everything but kill our little brother. I knew it was driving Sodapop mad, and I could tell that he was blaming himself.
"I don't want you to be blaming yourself." I spoke slowly. "You can't blame yourself anymore than I can, and believe me, I know how hard that is. What's done is done, and I know you don't wanna hear this right now, but life goes on. We can't stop living because of what happened, but what we gotta do is pull ourselves up for Ponyboy and fight for him now. We gotta be strong for him, Pepsi 'cause it might be some time before he's strong enough to fight for himself again. We've gotta pull Ponyboy through this and show him the way."
"I know you're right. I know you are, Darry but I don't wanna be strong today. I just don't got it in me, alright?" The tears rolled from Soda's eyes, and I hurt so bad for him. "I just wanna stay here with him. Maybe I'll be able to be strong tomorrow." Soda cried and shoved his face back into Ponyboy's hair.
"Okay, little buddy." I let my hand fall from his head and rest on his shoulder where I rubbed him affectionately. "I want you to know me and Tim Shepard are on this. Maybe you're right; maybe Dally would've got this piece of shit by now and had everything over and done with, but I'm doing everything I can, and I promise you I will find Campbell and I will kill him."
"Darry," Sodapop looked at me, regretting having said what he had.
His arm shot out and he grabbed for me; pulling me down by my shirt. I leaned over Ponyboy to get to Soda, and let my forehead rest against his.
"I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I love you, Darry." Soda sobbed even more, and all I could do was kiss him.
"I know, Soda. It's alright, little buddy. Why don't you just stay here and get some sleep? You keep an eye on our little brother."
Soda nodded and then buried his face back into Pony's hair while both arms wrapped back around him. I grabbed the change of clothes for Ponyboy and set them on the top of my dresser before heading out of the bedroom. I shut the door quietly behind me and headed to the living room, back to Steve who was still waiting on his best friend.
The television was off, and Steve was sitting on the couch leaning forward; holding his hands together in his lap. He watched me as I tiredly made my way to my chair, and slumped down into it. I looked at Steve, suddenly curious about the expression on his face. He almost looked worried, and I couldn't recall seeing him that way since I'd known him.
"I don't think Soda's gonna make it out, Steve."
"Yeah, I know." He said as he watched his hands while he rubbed them together. "It's bad, ain't it Darry?"
"What do you mean?"
"The kid. Y'know, I've kept my mouth pretty much shut all this time, but I ain't stupid, Darry. I was at the hospital too, tryin' to keep Sodapop from losin' his marbles. He might not've caught on right away, but I saw the kid when they were workin' on him. I saw him when they rolled him over, Darry. You don't need stitches and packing in your asshole from a car accident. It looked like he'd been fucked by a train."
I closed my eyes at the memory, suddenly sick to my stomach. I wanted to yell at Steve to shut his mouth, but I was afraid to open my own for fear I'd throw up. I could hear my heart racing in my ears and I felt like I was in a cold sweat. All I could see in my mind was the horrifyingly brutal condition my brother was in when I'd found him. I could still smell that room where he was left wide open and all alone to die.
"It's been months now. Why didn't you say anything?" I asked as I leaned my head back; my eyes still closed while I was trying to will away the overwhelming sense of nausea as it about bowled me over.
"Sodapop." Steve answered quietly and my eyes opened to look at him. "I didn't know if he noticed and if he didn't, I didn't want Soda to know, so I just went along like it was an accident. I knew it would kill him to know what really happened."
I nodded. Steven Randle was cocky, most times obnoxious to the point where he was hard to tolerate, but he was very smart and knew the inner workings of Sodapop almost as well as Ponyboy. I had to respect him. He'd do anything to look out for Soda.
"So that's what's wrong? Soda found out?"
"Soda's known for awhile now, Steve." I answered quietly as I felt another wave of nausea hit me. "Ponyboy started to remember. Fought Soda off; thinks we hate him. Thinks we're ashamed and disgusted by him and that this is somehow his fault."
"Well ain't that just great?" Steve groaned. "I thought Soda was bad before. He ain't ever gonna leave Ponyboy's side now."
"That all you care about? That Soda won't have time to fuck around town and pay attention to you? You wanna pull your head outta your ass, or do you need my help?" I fumed.
"Look, Darry. Just 'cause I don't fawn over the kid and treat him like he's the second coming of Christ, don't mean I don't care about him." Steve snapped back at me, but then his expression softened. "Ponyboy's like a little brother to me; just the pesky kind that you wanna punch in the face a lot." Steve shrugged and then resumed playing with his hands.
I grinned and let out a laugh, knowing that was as tender and sentimental as Steve would ever let me see him be.
"He's a good kid…like sixty-five percent of the time when he ain't mouthin' off and givin' me grief about not lettin' him tag along with me and Soda."
"Sixty-five percent of the time, you say?" I mocked him. "Wow, you got it rough."
"Ah, stick it up your ass, Darry. You have your own gripes about him, so don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Had," I was quick to correct him. "I had gripes, but it's a lot different and you know it. I was left to raise him. You just have to figure out how to share Sodapop with him."
"So?" Steve retorted.
"So, maybe he's only half of the reason you guys can't get along better?"
Steve rolled his eyes as he shook his head at me. "Fine; maybe."
I sighed at his unwillingness to recognize the truth in what I was saying. He was as stubborn as Ponyboy, and about as mature, it was a wonder they weren't best friends. I wondered how Soda stayed so patient with the two of them at it all the time. I would've either gone crazy, or moved to another State.
"You staying for supper?" I got up from the chair and stretched; feeling my back pop when I twisted at the waist. "You hungry?"
"Yeah, I could eat." Steve slowly stood from the couch and watched me. He winced when he heard my vertebrae crack.
"Good. Go have a look and see what I can cook for you bozos."
"Why don't I just go grab some burgers?" Steve suggested. I frowned.
"I don't know. I'm not in the mood for a burger. I'll get Sodapop up and you can talk it over with him if you want." In truth, we had food in the cupboard and the ice box and I hated the thought of Steve spending money he didn't have on some drive-through or take-out for all of us. Plus, it wasn't as healthy as a home-cooked meal.
"Yeah, okay." He shrugged and went to the tv to turn it on. I nodded and headed for my bedroom.
I managed to open the door and slide in without making a lot of noise. The only movement seemed to be on Ponyboy's part. He rolled over at some point; his face shoved into Soda's chest. They seemed to both be sound asleep, and I felt a bit relieved by that given the circumstances. I walked to the dresser and grabbed the clothes for Ponyboy and then walked to the bed and sat down.
Sodapop stirred as my weight shifted the mattress, but his eyes were slow to open. When they finally did, he looked as broken as he had before, and his eyes instantly watered without a word being said.
"C'mon, little buddy. I want you to try and get up; even if it's just for a little bit." I spoke softly.
"I don't wanna leave him." Soda choked on his own voice, and I could only frown.
"I didn't say you had to. Pony needs to get up too. The two of you need to eat, and he may need his feeding tube if I can't get him to eat anything. Either way, I'm gonna need your help."
Soda didn't answer, he only stared at me for a moment before turning his attention to the sleeping form that was our little brother. He rested his chin on the top of Pony's head and then slowly looked back at me.
"You mind helping me get some clothes on him?"
Soda pulled his head back, wiping the tears off from his face with his hand as he nodded at me. He whipped the covers back from him and Pony with his one arm while he pulled his other arm out from under Ponyboy; rolling him over slightly onto his back. I couldn't help but notice how young Pony looked while he was clutching onto the flannel blanket his brother wrapped him in. Ponyboy seemed to instantly sense something was off when Soda pulled himself away; he whimpered silently before his eyes opened and helplessly watched as Soda sat up in the bed.
"Shhhh…take it easy, Pony. We're just gonna get you dressed and more comfortable, okay?" I spoke to him as softly as I could so I wouldn't spook him.
I saw Pony mouth Soda's name in a panic, but no sound came out. Soda seemed to sense it without even seeing it, and he looked so tired as he leaned back over to his brother, kissing him on the tip of his nose while he pushed his hair back.
"I ain't leavin'. It's okay, Ponyboy. I'm just helping Darry get your clothes on ya." Soda smiled at Ponyboy; somehow managing a sparkle in his eyes for his brother.
Ponyboy fought weakly, shaking his head as Soda grabbed the flannel blanket to take it off him. Sodapop frowned, but stayed calm while Pony tried to hold on to the blanket; eventually giving up as there was just nothing left in him. Sodapop uncovered his brother slowly and with the utmost care, knowing how uncomfortable Ponyboy was feeling by being so exposed; physically and emotionally in front the two of us.
"C'mon, kiddo. You know Darry and me would never do anything to hurt you. Besides, you're our brother; we seen ya naked a million times. There's no need to hide from us. We all got the same bits." Soda smiled again at Pony, but Pony still looked anguished.
"Hey, remember about a year ago when Two-Bit yanked my swimmers down at the pool? Hell, I had half the east side of Tulsa lookin' at my bits; girls 'n all." Sodapop grinned.
"You gotta be kiddin' me? You never told me about that." I grinned; imagining all the shenanigans Soda got into with the gang that never reached my ears. I could only imagine the appreciative looks he gathered from all the girls, and the looks of horror he got from the adults as he stood there naked for the world to see.
"Yeah, well...I was mindin' my own business, talkin' to Mrs. Greene. No warning at all." Soda grinned while he gave Ponyboy a sideways look.
"I bet I can guess what happened next." I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him. My kid brother and his wild adventures at the public pool.
"Yeah, I got hauled out by the lifeguard after he saw what went down. Got banned for the whole month after that happened, and it wasn't even my fault." He looked at me sheepishly, and I couldn't help but chuckle at him.
"Soda…" I started to lecture, but couldn't so I just shook my head and laughed quietly.
"Anyways hon, my point is that it's okay. I've seen you naked lots. You seen me naked lots." Soda paused. "You wanna see Darry?"
"What?" I stopped laughing and looked at Sodapop like he'd lost his mind. Pony's eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets as he looked at his hero like he'd gone mad.
"Go on, Darry. Pull 'em down. We should just walk around here with no clothes on. Get it all out in the open and out of our system."
"What the hell's the matter with you? Are you nuts?" I didn't know what was goin' down, but it was possible that my brother was losing his mind.
"C'mon, Darry be a sport! You wanna see Darry naked, Ponyboy?" Soda asked, and Ponyboy shook his head frantically.
"Soda Patrick Curtis!" I yelled, feeling a bit embarrassed myself at his crazy talk, but then cooled it when I realized just like that, Sodapop was back. In his own time; his eyes sparkling again, and his smile intact.
"C'mon, Darry. Lighten' up, I was only jokin'!" Soda giggled at my sudden discomfort before he leaned back closer to Ponyboy. "Besides, I seen him. It's pretty sad, Pony. Rumour has it that's why no girls'll date him."
"Fuck you!" I let the curse slip without realizing it, and had Sodapop in a fit of laughter.
I'd had just about enough of his mouth until I realized that Ponyboy was red in the face with a smile from ear-to-ear, and decided I could eat this one for his sake. I found myself grinning in spite of myself, and shoved a hand in Soda's hair and started messing it up roughly. He laughed as he gave Ponyboy a peck on the cheek before he rolled away from us and off the bed. He started fussing with his hair while he made his way to the door.
"Checkin' on Steve. I'll be right back, Pony." Soda grinned as he opened the door and headed for the living room.
I grabbed the underwear and started pulling them up once Pony had his legs through. He was still smiling a goofy smile, and I couldn't help but smile back at him. I gave him a wink as I handed him the t-shirt and helped him put it on.
"Just so we're clear. He's your brother."